#impuretale

[impuretale]

An Apprenticeship - A 50-Word Horror Story

The monster under your bed spares you for the names of your bullies.

A fair trade.

After years of peaceful school days and nights lulled into slumber by the sound of familiar, deserving whimpers? You think: The night must be so lovely, living under a roof thick as a mattress.

[wetwareproblem]

impuretale replied to your post “omg the Galaxy S9 has a function to automatically turn on wifi when at...”

I've...never had an Android phone that didn't have this function. Or am I reading this wrong?

I’ve definitely never had it before, so I’m guessing there’s some misunderstanding. What I mean is, for example, I’ll turn off wifi as I leave the house so that my music doesn’t get fucked up when I get to the edge of signal range. When I get to my destination, I’ll frequently forget to turn wifi back on, leaving me on mobile data.

Now it’ll go “Oh, you’re at the gamerhaus! I know their wifi!” and turn it on without any intervention from me.

[forevrdreamingofbetterthings]

Boy do I ever just love having my identity referred to as a "symptom" like being aspec is a disease or disorder. /sarcasm

I feel this so hard. 

Could exclusionists pls stop pathologizing our orientations??? :/

[impuretale]

I know only a couple things for sure about my ancestry, narrowed down to specific people. I know that matrilineally I’m related to General William Howe. And I only know this because I had a lot of older relatives on my mom’s side of the family that liked to tell us kids that even though in some cases (me, being wee) I wouldn’t learn about the Revolutionary War for a couple years yet, and Howe wouldn’t pop up in the books for another few years after that. 

On my dad’s side, a more humble story, but a longer one, and I remember thinking it was funny as a kid. We’re descended from a union soldier who was among the many, many men involved in Sherman’s famous march to the sea. 

In his letters and correspondences he did not claim any particular moments of heroism. No, his immortal moment, for me, was about how they camped at an abandoned plantation, and he found a big, white, wide-brimmed fancy hat, and he decided he was going to keep it. The reason he was going to keep it is because it’s fucking hot in the south (and if I’m not mistaken he was from somewhere in the Dakota territories -- somewhere definitely not south), and their standard issue caps did not keep the sun off their faces as well as he liked. So he traded and wore this big, white, wide-brimmed fancy hat as they lined up and continued their march. 

So I want you to just imagine as any person watching the march would, seeing this blot of white in a sea of navy blue, just marching along with everybody else like they didn’t stick out like a zit. 

This lasted until an officer caught sight of him, rode up alongside him and pulled him out of formation to berate him. He was ordered to put his issued hat back on. He still had it, but he explained it was awful hot out and this hat’s so fancy (this was underlined in the letter; FANCY). So rather than be forced to put his old hat back on, he was ordered to the back of the line. 

So those are the two major ancestors I’m aware of. One was the grandson of King George I’s illegitimate half sister, and the other was a guy who got sent to the back of the line during Sherman’s march to sea because his hat game was too strong. 

[josh-hobermans]

☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. It's time to spread positivity ✨ 💘

my heart has the dokis tysm <3 <3 <3 <3

[iron-sunrise]

impuretale replied to your post “The whole "Asexuality is just about choosing who to fuck or choosing...”

Scrolling through their posts, I'm calling troll blog.

Idk, I think there’s an uncanny valley between trolls and reactionaries who try too hard. You might be right though, but they often sound the same. 

[things-i-think-and-junk]

impuretale

 Everyday I wake up and there is a new porn bot...

Saaame

It’s starting to get annoying.

[arcaneloquence]

me: the Mako is honestly the Skyrim horse of Mass Effect

impuretale: only horses don't flip over when you come near an oddly angled rock

me: arguably a bug rather than a feature

impuretale: you just described Bethesda's entire aesthetic