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Autocorrect and New Numbers

Y/N: Dudeee, last night was C R A Z Y!

Scott: Yea, Y/N and I boned!

Avengers: ...

Scott: OMG BONDED! WE BONDED! DAMN AUTOCORRECT!

Natasha: You can't do that in real life.

Y/N: Ummm... new number, who dis?

scott: goodbyes are so awkward, like do i go in for a hug? do i kiss you?

delivery guy: sir, please just take your food

Scott: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Hope: It's not a joke. I'm a legit snack.

Hope: You were wrong.

Scott: I have been wrong multiple times this week. You're gonna have to be more specific.

Scott: maybe for once, someone will call me “sir” without adding “You’re making a scene”

Mattresses 24/7

Y/N: Scott, why the hell are you calling me at 2am?

Scott: I need advice on what mattress to buy...

One Brave Bug

Scott: What do we tell your family about how we met?

Y/N: You saved me from getting hit by a cab?

Scott: I sound pretty brave.

luis: do you have shaving cream?

scott: no, i don’t like how it tastes

luis: you eat shaving cream?

scott: why would i eat something if i don’t like how it tastes?

#incorrect antman