#incorrect feed

[milk4thou]

Nobody has ever taken my BED seriously, but the moment I mention ana, it's "Don't destroy ur body," "That causes soooo many health issues," "OMG, please get better 4 me," "At least with BED you're getting nutrition."

As if my BED wasn't the helping cause to ana. The intense amount of guilt over eating, sobbing after every meal, sneaking food while everyone is asleep, crying over eating and then binging to feel better only to sob harder and ending up making myself sick.

[milk4thou]

Sugary inspo

<3

<3

<3

Do you need that, dear? Are you sure you need to eat anymore, because, love, I don't think you do. I want you to touch your collarbone and your hips and your elbows and ankles and even your wrist and tell me I doesn't feel good to tap bone. To feel a preview of how small and dainty you may be one day.

I want you to feel joy for even a split second while you know your burning calories by existing- by breathing. Your doing great, love.

[milk4thou]

Hiii hello what's shaking... I'm back... I'm back on my shed shit... sorry...

[milk4thou]

"My child's eat habits are just fine."

Your child can't stop. They can't stop eating everything. They steal people's food and eat it and can't stop. They hide the food. They hide the evidence of what they just ate. They are disgusting and can't. Stop. Eating.

They eat and they eat until they're sick. They eat til they puke. They eat everything. They can't stop binging. They can't stop from stuffing their mouth and swallowing, now matter what it is.

They can eat up to 20,000 calories a day. They can't stop. And you encourage it.

[milk4thou]

I have just thought about what got me into my ed...

I believe all my disordered thoughts began when I was eight... I got into the undert4le fandom and (by no fault of anyone) I saw s4ns and p4pyrus and sometimes g4ster... (If you don't know, they are skeletons) I thought they were beautiful and then I found a comic detailing an teenage frisk dying and turning into a skeleton... They were super skinny and small and people cared for them. I guess I wanted to be like them...Then I found a comic of Ch4r4 s-hing.

Then I got into the b0yfriend of th3 De4d fandom and I felt so connected to the protag zombie I began starving. And thinking all food was gross.

[milk4thou]

Vent rambles- Ed, sh, purging, doctors

I removed the blade from a pencil sharpener and starting sobbing and whisper-yelling "I don't wanna relapse." I put the blade back but now that's all I can fantasize about.

Then last night, I started to deep clean my room and saw that there was a small jar of something black. I opened it and got a nose full of something rotten and realized it was red. According to my lovely voices, when I (? I don't remember doing it) relapsed I put my blood in a jar.

When I was purging, I started snotting and tried to clean it up and realized it was vomit oozing out of my nose. When I blew my nose a chuck came out followed by a large amount of liquid.

I can't get my psychiatrist to understand that the medication she keeps giving me are not making the voices go away. They are the exact same and that's what I tell her. I'm going to try to word it differently next time.

I disassociate every time me and my therapist talk. And I can never find the words to tell her about anything.

[milk4thou]

I fucking despise my body type. My midsection is small but my thighs and shoulders are huge! I can't wear any skinny person clothes even if I have very little fat because of it. My hips don't allow me to wear anything smaller than a 16 and my fucking chest and shoulders don't allow anything smaller than a 2x. It's not fair!

And even if I look skinny I weight 191 lbs! I'm fucking massive! It's not fair!

[milk4thou]

I absolutely despise how toxic I have become about weight and afab characteristics. I literally want to stab every skinny person who say they want to gain weight and have breasts. I get so angry when someone wants to have a hourglass or feminine body shape.