#incorrect guardian

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

During the Iconic Red Dress Episode

Zhu Hong: You think I can’t fight off the culprit just because I’m a girl!

Lin Jing: No, I think you can’t fight off the culprit because you’re wearing heels and a tight dress. For what it’s worth, I don’t think Lao Chu could fight in that outfit either.

Guo Changcheng: Perhaps not, but he would look absolutely radiant!

Chu Shuzhi: *death glare*

[major-aizen-simp]

ye zun: would you do the honors of becoming my brother-in-law?

shen wei:

zhao yunlan:

shen wei: did you just propose to zhao yunlan for me?

ye zun: well you sure as fuck wasn't gonna ask anytime soon

[lierdumoa]

So I’ve been reading the Guardian/Priest/鎮魂 web novel

Some pretty significant departures, backstory-wise, from the show. It’s basically Chinese mythology fanfic. Author was just like ::Joan Osborne voice:: ♩♬WHAT IF (a) GOD WAS ONE OF US ♫ 🎶♪ and he was an incredibly horny bisexual.

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

Guo Changcheng: I really wish Chu-ge returned my feelings, but I’m pretty sure he’s straight :(

Zhu Hong: Um, he had a crush on the Black-Cloaked Envoy for like six months.

Li Jing: That doesn’t mean anything - everyone has had a crush on that man at some point. It’s like... how did you put it, Fatty?

Da Qing: “It’s not gay if it’s Shen Wei”

Zhao Yunlan: *laughs so hard he chokes on his lollipop and nearly dies*

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

Chu Shuzhi: The Black-Cloaked Envoy isn’t answering our summons.

Zhao Yunlan: Let me try.

Chu Shuzhi: I’ve been trying to reach him all day and I’m his closest contact here, what makes you think that-

Black-Cloaked Envoy, appearing out of nowhere: Yes?

Alternatively...

Zhu Hong: Lao Chu isn’t answering his phone.

Guo Changcheng: I’ll call him!

Zhu Hong: Lin Jing and I have both called three times, what makes you think that-

Chu Shuzhi, immediately answering: Hello???

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

Da Qing: Just got in a fight with a random street cat.

Shen Wei: Oh no! Are you okay?

Zhao Yunlan: Did you win?

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

Damn Cat: If you really think about it, Shen Wei was named after himself.

Zhao Yunlan: ...Damnit, Fatty, it’s 4 in the morning!

Shen Wei: No, wait, he has a point

[shenweiwouldnttreatmelikethis]

I Love ZYL’s Motorcycle

Shen Wei: What are you doing?!

Zhao Yunlan: You said to come ASAP, and we couldn’t find a cab.

Shen Wei: That’s no excuse to pile three people and a cat onto one motorcycle!

Guo Changcheng: Wait, three people?

Chu Shuzhi: Oh yeah, Lin Jing fell off a few miles back.