Discover Top Posts Tagged with #incorrect humans

Mattie: When Leo leaves I'm going to turn myself in.

Toby: Why?

Mattie: He's like 85% of my impulse control.

humans + text posts (1/?)

Mattie: I can't stand this anymore. Somebody take me out.

Leo: In the date kind of way or the assassination kind of way?

Mattie: I don't care. Surprise me.

Astrid: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people opener?”

Niska: Should I not have?

Niska: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Leo: Yes.

Niska: I was hula hooping. Astrid and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Leo: Oh my god.

Niska: [Shows photos on phone.] I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.

Leo: Why are you telling me this?

Niska: [Deletes photos from phone.] Because no one will ever believe you.

Leo: You sick son of a bitch.

Leo: You're questioning my methods.

Niska: I'm not questioning it, Leo, I'm saying it's stupid.

Astrid: Do I look straight?

Niska: Not in the slightest.

Astrid: No, I meant my parking job.

Niska: Oh, in that case, then yes, it's fine.

Astrid: The girls I've been flirting with keep disappearing. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?

Niska:

Astrid: No?

#incorrect humans