#incorrect lucifer

[the-queen-of-giving-up]

Lucifer : Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Chloe: ... Luce are you oka-

Lucifer: not in the slightest my darling

[capaldisjohnlock]

Someone: Go to hell.

Chloe, tearing up: I wish I could.

[mrswatermelon]

Chloe: Hey can we talk?

Lucifer, internally: Oh fuck this is it isn’t it I knew this day was coming I was such a fool to think she’d ever forgive me or look past the fact that I am Satan and now she’s going to leave me and I deserve it I was never worthy of her love and I never should have burdened her with knowing me I should just go back to Hell where I belong and-

Chloe: I can’t be bothered cooking tonight, can we just order in?

Lucifer, choking back tears: Of course, Detective

[thatspookyagent]

Lucifer: Just follow my lead. It’ll be fun!

Chloe: Please don’t let those words be carved on my tombstone.

[very-correct-lucifer]

Suspect, being interrogated by Lucifer: *horrified* can.. can I get another cop? I don’t like you..

Lucifer: well I don’t like me either but you don’t see me making a fuss about it!

[deckerstarincorrectquotes]

Linda: Top reasons to get married?

Lucifer: Firmly saying “That’s my wife!” and knocking someone out in one punch.

Linda: ...

Lucifer: And love, I guess.

[buckyeah]

Eve : 🎶 i know we'll never grow old together, cause you'll never grow old to me 🎶

Maze : 🎶 you're the pink in my cheeks and i love that it means I'm a little bit soft 🎶

[impala67-aka-baby]

Sam: A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of it's throat.

Sam: Do you ever think about that?

Sam: No. You only think about yourself.

Lucifer: