Sidney: You can’t kill people, it’s illegal!
Billy: Oh no, Stu, Sidney says this is illegal. I hadn’t thought of that.
Stu: *laughs*
Billy: That was sarcasm. I had thought of that.

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Sidney: You can’t kill people, it’s illegal!
Billy: Oh no, Stu, Sidney says this is illegal. I hadn’t thought of that.
Stu: *laughs*
Billy: That was sarcasm. I had thought of that.
Amber: I’m not soft for anyone Mindy! Mind your own business!
Mindy:
Tara: Amber… I can’t sleep…
Amber: I’ll be right there love! Get warm, put on pyjamas and get cosy! I will be there within 4 minutes with some food and water.
Mindy: …
Mindy: You’re not soft?
Amber:
Amber: Fuck
Billy: check out my post jail hands, see? i’m not the killer. silly goose.
Billy, later that night: okay lol it’s me
Mason: *side eyeing Theo*
Mason: *to Liam* So, you slept with the deceased.
Liam: *offended noise*
Theo: *deadpan* Yeah, necrophilia is a real problem.
Liam: *louder offended noise*
Corey: I am so fucking done with you three.
(paraphrase from Scream, s1e1.)
Stu: You’re mad at me.
Billy: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
Stu: Come one everyone knows that’s worse!
Wes, attempting to flirt with Tara: Hey, Tara, I like your top.
Amber: I’m her top. Can I help you?
Mindy: *spits out her drink*
Sidney: Please, these gays they are trying to murder me.
au where everyone’s alive and stu and billy are getting married
also btw this is post scream 6 so all the characters from each movie are included in the wedding/bachelor party and mentioned in this incorrect quote
Billy: Randy can I talk to you about my wedding for a second?
Randy: Need help choosing a suit? Sparkly gold can’t go wrong.
Billy: No to all of that.
Billy: Look, Stu is about to ask you to be his best man. I need you to say yes and I need you to act surprised.
Randy: No problem. Check this out: What? What? Best- best man? Alright I’ll work on it.
Billy: Good, cause that sucked.
Billy: Anyway, Sidney doesn’t approve of the wedding and honestly it is killing me.
Randy: I’m sure you’re just reading into it.
Billy: No.
[EARLIER]
Sidney: What are you doing! Stu is nuts!
[NOW]
Randy: Ah, so not reading into it at all.
Billy: She thinks we’re rushing into things, but we’re not. I love Stu. Every time I see him my heart just explodes.
Randy: Wow that’s some intense love stuff.
Billy: Anyway, I think Sidney would like him if he actually got to know him, so during the bachelor party, I need you to show her the real Stu.
Randy: Billy Loomis, I promise you this I will make sure Sid loves him.
Billy: Great. Crap! Here comes Stu. You never saw me. Act surprised.
Stu: Hey Randy, Come here. I got a question for you.
Randy, standing up: Sure.
*Stu pulls Randy close*
Randy: Oh, that’s very close for a question.
Stu: Randy Meeks, will you do me the honor of being my best man?
Randy: Best man? Stu, this is all so sudden!
Stu: Billy told you?
Randy: Yeah. But I would be honored.
Stu: Thank god. I’m gonna kiss you now.
Randy: Oh, you don’t have to- *Stu kisses him on the forehead* Already did it.
Stu: That seals it.
Randy: So who are thinking about inviting to the bachelor party? Maybe, like, Sidney, or I don’t know Sidney’s great. Or probably Sidney is available we could ask him.
Stu: Sure, I was thinking almost everyone. Except Chad, Billy called dibs on him.
[MEANWHILE]
Chad: Maid of honor? Yes, a million times, yes! It would be an honor. Oh my god, that’s why they call it that.
Billy: Great, but I specifically said, “co-maid-of- honor” because I am also asking Sam and Tara.
Chad: I guess that’s okay if you want to water down the Chad Meeks-Martin with a couple of ice cubes.