#incorrectstormchasersquotes

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Carl: I gave up my old life choices when I let Jesus take the wheel.

Tim: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice.

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Reed: I am an expert at identifying birds.

Tim: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?

Reed: Yeah, they're all birds.

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Joel, at the hospital: I'm Reed Timmer's emergency contact.

Chris: So you're here to pick him up?

Joel: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Joel: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you?

Reed, handing him a thermos: Milk and sugar.

Joel: Thanks.

Joel: [drinks]

Joel: ...Wait, is this just milk and sugar?

Reed: That's what I said.

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Brandon: We don't download films illegally. Because we're honest and hard-working people.

Matt: And we don't know how.

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Joel: Damn, the power went out.

Reed: Don’t worry babe, I got this.

*Reed begins to shake rapidly and illuminates*

Joel: WH-

Reed: I swallowed a flashlight!

Joel: WHY WOULD YOU-

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Reed: I mean I get complimented all the time—

Joel: YAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reed: I do!

Joel: *still laughing*

[incorrectstormchasersquotes]

Josh: Give me one reason why I shouldn’t punch your face in.

Carl: it would be way too rewarding.

Paul: The scheduled walloping time isn’t for another half hour.

Sean: My mom specifically instructed me to have a good day.

Reed: Wounding me emotionally would pay much higher dividends.

Joel: I’d rather just do it myself.

Matt: I’ll open my mouth and swallow your whole arm.

Marcus: My face is full of boiling hot water that will shoot out everywhere if you punch me.

Tim: When you move in to punch me, I’m going to hold a bucket up in front of my face and then your fist will just punch the inside of an empty bucket and you’ll look ridiculous.