open to - f - connection - girl he’s seeing.
Stifled breath as his frame shook, sitting up right instantly as he caught his breath mid scream, sweat beading down his forehead once he came about to realise where he was and that it was just a dream. Though the reality wasn’t any prettier, it caused a tug in his chest to realise that the events of the pictures in his mind actually happened and weren’t filled with happiness and joy, though that would have stung just as much. Any memory of his mother caused glistening to form in his icy blue orbs– she’d been gone for twelve years, but the pain was like a knife through his heart every time he thought of her. His hand slipped over his face as he exhaled a breath, anxiety causing his body to tremble as his eyes crumpled shut trying hard to concentrate long enough to steady his breathing. The day had rolled around again, something that he didn’t want to think about, but it was a permanent reminder in his life on a daily basis the fact that she was no longer here. Jess was positive that with his attitude, the way he was that he would end up lonely for the rest of his life– something his Mother was certain would never happen if he allowed people to see him for what he really was like, the vulnerable side of him that disappeared the second she did. The thought crossed his mind throughout the chaotic process that he wasn’t alone, that she’d stayed over the night before and although there was an empty space next to him– navy silk sheets pulled back and wrinkled, he had to admit he missed the comfort. It was a strange sensation, Jess feeling the way he did for someone, wanting them around for anything other than racy forms of intimacy but this was different. He craved her touch, even if it was holding her hand, or pulling her close to him. The taste of her lips against his own, the way she would cuddle into his chest when she fell asleep. He wanted to protect her from everything and everyone, and she was the most important thing in his entire world.
The one thing that scared him was that she didn’t know the half of it. Details of his past and the reason he was so out of place today wasn’t to her knowledge. The words were physically painful to say, it was almost as if his throat seized up in the attempt to get it out, his bodies way of protecting himself from the hurt it caused and the vulnerability he was allowing himself to feel. There was a small amount of items that he kept that were his parents– one from his mother, and one from his father. A leather jacket, that was a fraction too big for him, it was his dad’s and he always remembered him wearing it, back when there were fond memories between the pair. One day he handed it over to him, and Jess treasured it, still wore it to this day though he questioned why he would wear fabric that reminded him of a man who abandoned him but there we go. He did love his dad, and the fact was before his mother died they had a strong relationship– the pair were inseparable, and he wanted nothing more than to cling onto them. Attached to the inside pocket was a brooch, one his mother wore on almost every cardigan she wore, and Jess felt an attachment to it, that his dad was aware of also that he gave it to him in a heartbeat. He knew he wouldn’t do it justice with the way she wore it, but the fact it was there, made him feel like there was always a little piece of her with him everyday.
She’d seen a side of him that no one else had, that was one thing– but they weren’t in a place in their relationship where they’d used the L word yet, though Jess was wondering if he felt it, or atleast was getting close to, he hadn’t even asked her to be his yet, it was just a case of them being casual with no labels but completely exclusive to one another which he liked. The idea of her with another man made his anger bubble inside of him, fists instantly clenching at the images of anyone touching her in the way that he did. It was selfish of him to say she was his, though they were pretty much in a relationship at this point whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Twisting himself to dangle his legs over the edge of the bed, pressing his feet onto the carpet as he caught his balance, standing up straight with a stretch of his inked arms over his head. His first thought was finding out where she’d gone. He knew it was quite early– it was evident by the light behind the blinds, but then again his sleep pattern had been corrupted years ago, and she was usually an early riser especially in comparison to him. Only in his ivy coloured boxers he wondered out towards the door, pushing it open carefully with his fingers as it sprang open and the brighter scene stung his eyes as he winced in shock at the comparison. It took him a moment, but once they adjusted he caught sight of her in the kitchen, wearing one of his t shirts which made his heart melt at how tiny she looked in the bagging fabric. She was the one beacon of hope he had in his life, the light in all the darkness and he was thankful that she’d taken a chance on him. That she’d seen something in him that no one else had before, despite the front that he’d put up for years and the walls that were sky high. Considering she was unaware of his presence at that moment, he took a few careful steps behind her before looping his arms around her waist– placing a soft kiss to her cheek and jawline. “Good morning..” His voice was still a little rattled, thirst beginning to kick in almost instantly now that he was more awake. “What are you doing up so early?” His brows knitted into a frown, tightening his grip as he pulled her towards his frame. “I missed you..” He almost whispered as he nuzzled his face into her hair.