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Who am I without You? | Captain John Price x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Military inaccuracies, mentions of dying, completely fluff but may slightly go angst. Might be out-of-character with Captain John Price which readers may find uncomfortable. Suitable for minors, but still read at your own risk. Approach me if I missed anything with the warnings.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Expect grammatical and typographical errors, english isn’t my first language. Bare with me.

Summary: After John’s mission went through, he finally came home to your shared home with him. Expressing his deepest thoughts and feelings and reminding you of his love and devotion for you.

The wind blows freely, making it as a blissful day for everyone. John Price, the Captain of the one and only, Task Force 141. Seated at the helicopter, eyes looking lost in the sky. “I am coming home,” he said. He was reputed as one of the successful leaders in the Army, and he brought the same thing as always each time he’s coming home with his team. It’s none other than success. John’s mind felt empty during the whole way back home. He succeeded the mission, they succeeded the mission, but why does it felt like something was missing? Noticing the deafening silence, Soap couldn’t help asking him. “Mhm, Cap, somethin’ wrong?” head tilted with confusion. Ghost just nudged him to stop asking John and whispered, “We’ve been on a deadly mission, Soap. Let him be.” and with that Soap just respond with a sigh.

Going down the chopper, John could hear the distant noise—he knew that everyone is waiting for them. After what felt like tomorrow, he was on it again; the clapping, the hugging, all of it. The base looked like a sonorous soirée but it felt empty. Another comrade greeted him and said, “Congratulations, Captain Price.” he just smiled for it. He’s not feeling ungrateful for everything, he was happy for all the smiles and greetings. But he doesn't know, “am I really happy?” he whispered. Maybe he just needs to rest. Maybe. Gaz approached him and said, “Captain, they said we don’t have any meetings for today.” John nodded and replied, “Gather the team on my office.”

Task Force 141 gathered and was seated on John’s office, he just congratulated them for another mission success. He reminds them the importance of their life and told them that they needed to rest and come home to their families for a while. Of course, acting like fatherly figure—and that’s what they loved about him the most. With some small talks, John bid goodbyes to them. Although Soap disagrees and said, “Can we have some gathering before you left?” everyone laughed. Ghost nudged him and said, “Can you think before saying anything!! Of course, we need to rest first.”

It was normal, after all, they aren’t really fighting. John stopped them and said, “You both stop before that goes far.” the two nodded and bid their goodbyes as well. They all decided to rest and come home to their families, savouring every moment before they’re called for another mission again. John picks up his phone as he received a message from you saying, “I hope you’re always fine, John. I’ll always pray for your safety, I miss you already.” he smiles while reading that. He didn’t tell you that he was coming home, not yet. He wants to surprise you.

On his drive home, he stopped by at some flower shop to buy your favourite flowers as well as to the bakery nearby to bring you the freshly baked pastries you loved. Oh, the attentive man that he is. He came home to find the doors locked, a satisfied smile flashed through his face, he always reminds you to lock the doors because you’ll never know what always comes next. As he carefully unlocked the door, not daring to make any sound, he saw you at the couch, sleeping peacefully.

He stopped his tracks, not wanting to disturb you. He crouched down to touch your face, admiring your beauty and the serene bliss that you’re giving him. He couldn’t stop to think that he is really lucky, to have you in his side, to be trapped in your soul. You woke up with his touch, shocked to see that he was right at your side. You said, “John, you didn’t tell me that you are coming home today. I can at least prepare for you and make you your favourite dishes. Have you been there for a while?” and he replied, “No, love. Calm down and just rest, I don’t need anything. Your presence is enough, that’s all I need.”

You nodded and gestures him to sit down with you, he smiles. He sat down and held your hand, he couldn’t help but feel bright to see your smile. The smile that he always dreamt of and the one he looks forward on whenever he’s on the go. You asked him, “How are you, love? How was it?” and he replied, “I am fine...” with that you nodded. ”And the mission went through, babe.” he added, you knew something might be wrong but you didn’t asked. You knew that he’ll tell you about it, because John, the man that he is—he’ll always speaks his mind, even his problems and fears.

He leaned you onto his body and saying “I miss you” endlessly, you knew that he meant it. You said that you missed him too and kissed him, you knew he loves that. He suddenly asked you, “Y/N, what if I died in one of my missions?” and that’s it. You finally heard what keeps bothering him, but you froze with the sudden question. You never thought about it, but you knew that it’s better to let go of that tension. You knew that John let his guard down, and he needs you.

“You’ll never know what happens, and life’s always like a ticking bomb. And my enemies are dangerous, I might be successful today. But what if I’ll be gone?” he added. You’re lost of words but you knew that you need to be strong for him, because that’s what your relationship is—whenever one’s weak, the other comforts them. You replied, “You know that I’ll always be with you, John.” and he said, “I know. I love you. But everything fades through time.” you can’t help but ask him, “What do you mean, love?”

“I am always here with you, too. I want you to stay with me, but I know that it can’t be, love. As selfish as it seems, I don’t want you to keep holding on to me when I’m gone.” a tear dropped in your eye, you don’t know why John is thinking this way—but you knew that he was serious. His enemies are dangerous, you know that. And you know that John doesn’t feel safe anymore with these missions, but John wouldn’t quit working in the military. It’s part of his life. You replied to him, “I’ll always love you, John. No matter what happens, even when our love reaches six feet under—it’ll always be you. I couldn’t imagine being with someone that’s not you. If my heart is yearning for love, I know where to go. Either to you or to your grave. You’ll always be my home, John.”

Your statement gave you a pang at heart, imagining his death would be hard. And if it ever come true, you don’t know if you’ll ever take it, but for him—you will. “I am yours, wife. I don’t mind being swept away with your whole world, I am lucky enough to have you here.” he said, and you smiled. You replied, “So am I, love. I don’t regret being with you, the John Price that loves me wholeheartedly.” he pulled you tight, you knew he needs you the most. “Y/N?” he calls, and you looked up to him. Humming to wait him say something and he chuckled, saying, “I never know that I’ll be married with you. The captain with no directions in life, married to someone like you. To be honest, it felt like you’re a star. Invincible, haunting, and far. I never imagined that out of all man out there, you’ll fall in love with me.”

“But do you ever know that I always want you the most, John? Your name’s the one that my heart kept screaming. Your name is engraved here, deep in my heart. And I’ve always been dreaming of being with you.” you answered him. He nodded and smiled, “I love you, love. So much.” you held his hand tightly. And he whispered, “if ever I’ll die, please know that I am always here. Watching you from above, guiding you.” he didn’t know that you heard that. But still, you kissed him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I won’t ever find another, John. You’ve built the home that I always dreamed of, and you’ve always been the man I always want. I can’t breathe without you.” you whispered to him. He kissed you deeply, slowly, as he replied “I know.” he held your hand to guide you from standing up. “Come on, I have the freshly baked pastries you’ve always wanted.”

You replied with excitement, “Reallyyyy?” and he nods. He pinched your nose saying, “Of course, I wouldn’t miss your favourites.” and you pouted saying, “Well, I didn’t even have the time to prepare for you!” and he laughed. You finally feel him regaining his state, maybe he feels calm now. You thought if ever that moment comes, you hope that you’ll have time to prepare your heart and mind. Nonetheless, you know that John wouldn’t leave you without bidding his final goodbyes. And if ever that happens, you knew John would always make you feel love—no matter where he is.

“I am obsessed with the fact that I am with you,” he says and you chuckled. “I will always love you no matter what happens, and we will always be together. In prosperity, sickness, even in death. You’ll always be in my heart, John.” you replied. He knew that you meant that, and he’ll always be grateful for being your husband. With all these deadly missions, his fears in mind, your smile and your presence will always be the one that calms him down.

If ever he’ll die, it doesn’t matter whoever hands he’ll be dead. He just knew that he lived his life without regrets and fully, because he married you. He knew that everything is worth it, because for once, he felt what it’s like to be loved by you. Even he’s six feet under, burned in hell, or resting in heaven—he’ll be happy to see you in his dreams. Even when your smile will feel like a memory to him, it’s the only thing that will linger onto him. And in another life, he’ll find his way back to you. Yearning? That’s nothing. Because in his mind, you and him would always be meant to be. Hearts combined like a puzzle piece.