#inkmadeoftears

[inkmadeoftears]

kapag ba hiniling ng paulit ulit ay matutupad din? ang mga bagay na nais abutin. kung mag susumamo ba ay diringgin? ang hinagap mo ba ay kayang arukin? dibat kailan ma'y di napasaakin. mga ngiti at kabog ng iyong dibdib bat sa pag tangis ang puso ko ay tigib. para bang matagal na ng ako'y lisanin.

Tula para sa kanya, IMT

[bungisngislordes]

Dear Jesh,

Dear Jeshwa, imt✨

To be honest when we met, I didn't think we'd get along. Feeling ko kasi masyado kang seryoso sa buhay but the more we got talk, I realized my first impression was wrong ang kulit mo rin pala and marunong makisakay sa mga trip ko sa buhay tapos bully pa sa among us 😂 lol

Salamat sa pag papaalala mo sakin sa mga bagay bagay at lalong lalo na sa pag babantay sa health or tulog ko. Salamat sa pag intindi sa mga kakulitan ko at sa mga korning jokes ko din minsan. Words are not enough to thank you for everything, I wish na sana di ka na sad lagi. ☺️

[inkmadeoftears]

if surrender has a sound i reckoned it would be like a song with its melody and words intertwined meant to touch hearts even souls making us ponder our lives with all the things we did and didnt say. but now as i sit on the floor pen in hand, staring on a blank canvass without words, without a sound i figured, this might be it. as i stare at you; at least the image i can conjure. my surrender sounded like whimpers. feebled hands and crushing bones. if only the rain in my eyes can hide the sounds my already open mouth makes. if only it can drown my ever weak sobs. then maybe, i could still pretend that its okay to surrender. as if it is the kindest thing to do. for you. as my body writhe in pain as if its the only way It knows how to move, i figured that many times have i surrendered; many things i gave up on. i dont know but you, you reminded me of the things i couldnt have. albeit i worked my hands and heart out. with you, it felt like hearing all the goodbyes ever said to me said all at once. but i know, this is the kindest thing to do. walking away. for now(?) and who knows, maybe, one day at a time. one prayer at a time. someday, the world will finally allow me.

and no matter what the answer may be, i may be able to wear the sleeves where my heart has always been so heres my silent goodbye. my surrender. with words maybe but without a sound, yet. who knows, you might be the music this yearning seeks.

PARA SA MGA TAONG HINDI KO MAILABAN, IMT

[inkmadeoftears]

And it was never always a ball of sunshine. Cause even at night, the sun retires and the sky gets dark, too. So Id choose your dimness and uncertain freckles of light; scattered breadcrumbs at night. If tomorrow comes and you be gone by daylight, Id weep on mornings and wait for you at night.

Cause love, if you cant shine on me with constant warmth, id follow you to every single cloud and chase you. So please shine wherever; whenever and I will be there without fail. I swear,

without fail

[inkmadeoftears]

Sana dumating yung araw na ako naman.

Ako naman yung hinihiling mula sa mga bituin. Ako naman ang hintayin na dumating dala ng mg alon. Yung pag aabutan sana ng araw at buwan kung kayang abutin. Yung binubulungan sa hangin. Sana ako naman. Yung panaginip na hinihiling na sanay di magising. Yung hinahanap sa pag titig sa kawalan; sa mukha ng lahat ng mga dumaraan.

Yung ilalaban. Yung ipipilit. Yung di kayang iwan. Yung di kaya mawala. Ako naman. Sige na. Isang beses lang. Ako naman.

Kusa akong bababa. Kusa akong magpapadala. Tatanggapin ang alay ng pusong sumasamo. Sunugin man ako ng araw at buwan. Ako na ang kusang gigising mula sa pagkakahimbing at nang ako ang unang makita sa pagmulat ng mga mata. Sa pag gising ay ikkwento kong lahat kung paano kong hinintay ang mga salita na ipinadala mo sa hangin. Ako na ang lalapit para di na maghanap. Para di na tumingin sa kung saan masilayan lamang nais na masilayan.

Sige na, isa lang. Ako naman.

[inkmadeoftears]

**NOTE: BASAHIN NORMALLY AT MULA SA BABA PATAAS

Tama ka

Para matutunang mahalin ang iyong sariling puso  at kaluluwa, Kung ang tingin mo ay ayos lang mag-isa,

Hindi

Kung ang mahal mo ay ang iyong sarili, Nakakalungkot diba? Kung lahat ng ito'y mag isa mong haharapin; Mga pilit na ngiti, luhang pinipigil, mga tawang ipinagdamot pati pag tingin sa iba Sa lahat ng bagay na iyong ginagawa Ay ikaw lamang ang tunay na makaiintindi Higit pa sa kahit sinong nakapaligid

Dahil kahit anong mangyari, ikaw lang at wala nang iba ang unang sayo ay mag mamahal Gawin mo na ang lahat para sa sarili mo Maging makasarili ka Bitawan mo lahat ng nag papabigat Higpitan mo  ang kapit ngunit

Sa pag hatak sa sarili mo mula sa dilim ng gabi o lalim ng karagatan "Alam naman nating walang mangyayari" H'wag kang maniniwala sa sinasabi nilang Magiging ayos din ang lahat

Kahit mag isa ka. Pagbasa sa gitna ng mga linya, IMT

[inkmadeoftears]

Happy new year. By all means, to all who celebrate and are hopeful, grateful, I am happy for all of you, I really am. I want you to know this before I go any further. Cheers for the year that we just overcame and the year we are about to face thereof. 

A toast for the lucky ones. Cheers for the heart that are happy or were sad but are now happy. To those that were able to make ends meet, and the people who are blessed I am with you all. I will sit down with you if given the chance but thats not why I am writing today.

I’m writing this for the sake of the people who are inside of their rooms right now. Where today is just a day that will pass them by. The people who don’t know what to do next; those who are stagnating. The people who feel like a stranger inside their own homes. The ones that are not included in family gatherings let alone the family pictures. All the photographs they will miss today that they can never go back to. Stories they cant tell, fireworks they missed. Joy and laughter that they never gave themselves a chance to. I’m writing this for the sake of the people who won’t say what they feel nor show them because we are told that we are supposed to be happy on these times of celebration. Tomorrow, they will be bombarded by people telling them that its a new year, you gotta pull your shit together, and figure what youre supposed to do as if you havent been doing that exact same thing for the year, maybe years that have passed by. 

I am writing this for you so you would know that its okay. It’s okay if you still dont know what to do tomorrow or you still cant figure out your shit. I don’t know how long you have been trying your mess but you see, thats the most important thing, you are trying. Even if people will tell you that its not okay, that youre taking too long to figure it out wherein other people solved the same problem you had overnight, dont listen to them; its okay. Maybe they didnt have it just as rough as you did or maybe, they did but if you cant figure it out, as long as youre trying, you will figure it out. Maybe not sooner but later but I am sure you will. As long as you are trying.

So for now, I am happy for you in surviving yet another year. Inside the corners of your room, Keep trying. It doesnt matter how slow, the truth is, you will get there, too. Cheers for the year you just survived and the year you are about to face thereof

A toast for the unlucky ones. To the broken-hearted, to those who failed to achieve their dreams this year, the plans altered, life a little messed up, to the sad ones and the lonely ones, Especially those who still hide behind their perfect smiles. Cheers. Happy new year.

[inkmadeoftears]

It is rainy today;

The sun  is up, theres a gentle breeze in the wind, birds are chirping singing like a choir ascending to the heavens. The streets are busy; hustling through the day. The smell of sweat and asphalt on the road, the burning tires, the murmuring, the raging honks and shouting in the traffic, it is all there. Unbelievably, the time didnt cease but you did.

Your nonsense yapping in mornings that so adorable it annoys us the good way. The vanity you have, your oblivious smile that gives not a care for the world. Your eyes that are too expressive, the hugs, the warmth. You are the loudest person I knew but you never failed to take care of the people you love. The cookies baked every ocassion; birthdays, thankgivings, anniversaries and on holidays that we are to meet; the ice creams. These are simple things you make for them and only for them. You made these. Thats what made them special.

We will no longer see that ridiculous smile of yours; your laugh that can be heard all through out the neighborhood. The piggybacks and the back hugs you’ve alwas loved. Nobody’s going to ask me for that anymore nor am I willing to give them to anybody else. If only I could carry you one last time on my back and if that be all the time I have with you, I will never put you down. We will go on places you wanted to go with you on my back. 

If only thats the only time I have with you, I would until every bone in my body breaks; my flesh torns; my skin rips and my feet be full of splinters, I will never stop moving I will stay strong then maybe you would; stay.

If only, if only.

It is rainy today.

Maybe not outside and maybe not anywhere in the world but here, in this moment, in this place that I am present and you are not, my eyes pour.

Eulogy 9/17/20, IMT