#insane ramble

[inthech33ze]

God that ripperdoc from cyberpunk can get it. And by get it. I mean love me like a father would

[icestardragonhc]

Just some thoughts about Belos/ Philip Wittebane from TOH (ramble)

For all of his shortcomings and aborent qualities he has one single thing that makes him stand out among a cast of characters with plenty of positive and lovable personality traits. He's the most hopeful character in the show. Lemme explain:

When he really shouldn't be. Sure it's part of his delusion but at the end of the day he doesn't have any good reason to do anything he does in the story and deep down, he knows that. Ultimately he does everything he does to justify the death of his brother. But that's clearly not his true wish. All he want is his brother back, take back what he did and make that his brother never left. Return to a version of reality that can never be obtained. His brother will never return and he knows it. Considering he killed every grimwalker copy, the 20 or so he made of Caleb. Despite being a smart man, he refuses to grow up and accept change (or death) as we see in Hollow Mind. For 400 years. This child like naivity translates into a neverdying hope that finishing his plan will change anything, fix anything. It's not even about personal revenge as much as it is an escape from reality. He could have wiped out Caleb's decendants anytime in the 50 years he had total power in the empire or even way before that. But he didn't. Killing the Grimwalkers also seemed to upset him but he deems it a necessary step to fix what went wrong all that time ago. But the Grimwalkers never are like his brother, they only vaguely resemble him. For him it's not killing his brother again and again (ignoring he's killing actual individuals), it's rebuilding him stone by stone. It's all for nothing. It serves no purpose and is meaningless. And I think he knows. But he refuses to accept it, no he is completly unable to accept it. Much like a child who can't accept that a specific obscure and crazy dream of his will never come true. This dedication to that meaningless cause is even more visible once the Collector pretty much oneshots him at the end of season 2. He's reduced to a puddle, a soul without a body and he's most likely in a perpetual state of pain and confusion, now returned to the human realm that is nothing alike to what he left behind. Which he can't even interact with properly like he wished to do. Giving up, just dying would be easy and probably is an attractive alternative to his constant state of agony. Yet he clings onto the last bit of life remaining. Despite his carefully made masterplan he took decades if not centuries to realize failed horribly. Knowing he will have to face the seemingly all powerful Collector eventually who squashed him like a bug. He stays alive against impossible odds to "right his wrongs". For the slightest chance to see the reality he gaslit himself into believing was possible. A reality where his borther could have stayed, for a reality where his actions were justified, a reality where he didn't waste the entirety of his extended life, a reality where he's the hero, not the villian. He clings onto hope like a scared, hurt beast. Hope is powerful and scary. It can make a normal man go through hell and become what he swore to destroy. Hope as much as it can build a new future can also raze it to the ground. The sweet and horrific duality of hope.

[un-local]

Still Waters Crap

Doing some plotting ahead, trying to work out how to adapt some aspects of ER’s game design into a fic. (There's an expand button on tumblr now right? Not gonna bother putting my insane rambling under a read more then.)

In this case—Nokron. Is it filled with the like, three Nox as it is in game? (If so, are these truly the last citizens, or are they like, caretakers of the ruins?) Or is it an abandoned city, with the only thing left being their creations? (Nice and spooky, more room for more authentic character moments)

It’s a problem I’ve run into a lot writing Still Waters—what’s fun to play in a fantasy combat game isn’t always indicative of the state of the world in the lore. But that can be a very difficult thing to parse for me. (Does everyone really mindlessly attack the Tarnished without ever speaking? In game they do, but not so much in this fic.)

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it... it's tempting to go the Nox “caretakers” option, distinctly because of the dilemma it puts the characters in. Also, offers a few of its own character moments. Just off the top of my head:

Rogier smoothing things over with the Nox after a few “misunderstandings” with the silver tears. (On Torrent, because yeah right. Like he's gonna pass up seeing the ETERNAL CITY with his own two eyes. Also, on horseback, his angle relative to Magdalene means his hat doesn't hide shit anymore, oops)

Anyway. If he manages to play his cards right, he’s got them a free tour of the city, which of course, is a field day for him.

But there’s one problem: Neither of them expected anyone to be down here. When Magdalene turns back his way, with a “So. Are really we doing this?” look on her face, Rogier just, you know.

Short-circuits for a moment.

(His desperate need to "save the undead" is currently in a brutal cagematch with his historian instinct to NOT GIVE A PRECIOUS HISTORICAL RELIC TO A SCHEMING MURDERER, WHO WILL USE IT)

Look at it from his perspective: How could giving a knife to the one behind the Night of the Black Knives ever POSSIBLY go wrong?

He would be opposed to stealing relics. But. Ah. I have a feeling he's made his peace with that long ago.

I think to him, there are times where the ends justify the means. He asks you to "acquire" the cursemark for him. I don't think he was expecting Ranni to part with that willingly when he asked. Also, he does admit to lying to save other people's feelings. If he thinks he's gonna save the world from it's current state, I think there's a lot more he'd do, unfortunately for the Nox

[suspicious-screech-owl]

let me revise my previous statement

I eat children for fun

[seldom-evil]

So the old argument is that if a tree falls in a forest and no-one is around to hear it, does it actually make a sound.

It all comes down to what the individual perceives as sound, because what one person classes as sound may be the existence of sound waves which are caused by vibrations in the air which almost certainly would be caused by the impact of a tree onto the forest floor, however another person may perceive sound as the noise/s we hear when those sound waves reach the ear, therefore, by that logic, the tree makes absolutely no sound. Taking this further, it can be argued (though with no degree of certainty on my part, this is what four cups of coffee in the space of an hour does to you) that because the sound waves are not being perceived, (the sound that we know to exist because we can infer (with certainty) that the vibrations that transmit as sound waves would be caused by the tree’s impact) that the sound then does not exist in the mind of anyone with the specific logical view that unless the sound waves reach the eardrum then no sound is made.

Taking this further, it could be argued that outside of our circles of perception, which vary dependant entirely on person, nothing actually exists (a term I used loosely) to the individuals in question. The point is that unless we perceive things ourselves, we can argue (though again, not with any degree of certainty) that there is at least a small chance that nothing else exists, outside our individual circles of perception.

We are the focal point of our own personal universes (meaning that yes, the old “you’re not the center of the universe” line that your parents used to throw at you can now be circumvented by simply pointing out that whilst you might not be the center of the universe, you are certainly the center of your own.)

I think what I’m trying to preserve here is that  existence is relative to the perceiver meaning that if you yourself cannot see, hear, touch, taste or smell it, can you be certain that it does actually exist?

[poeticdestruction-blog]

LOL YAY I AM SO GOOD AT LIFE

says the girl who just ate another piece of baklava and got pushed onto skype when she should've gone to bed early. 

wonderful, wonderful, i am fucking amazing, brilliant, yes, i wonder how many positive things i can say to myself before i realise i'm speaking bullshit, dandy, i love life, things are great, fabulous, terrific, hilarious, life is of infinite value to me and i am worth more than my weight in gold, 

yep i'm done. i am a fucking retard.