#intellectualizing

[serenityquest]

[arcane-sync]

Summary of 90% of my counseling sessions:

Me, intellectualizing: I do this thing because of this event. Learning skills to stop doing the thing isn't working, and I dont know why.

My counselor: Have you processed the event itself?

Me, completely missing the point: I mean, yeah. That's how I know the event is why I do x, y, and z.

My counselor: Well, let's talk about it.

(Spends 30 minutes talking it over and crying eventually. The counselor validating feelings and gently refuting false beliefs from the events I never even voiced like the mind reader he is)

My counselor: How are you feeling now?

Me: Exhausted. I hate trauma work.

My counselor: But you're doing it.

(A week passes. I come back for next session)

Me, proud of myself: Hey! The thing magically stopped!

My counselor, patiently: I'm glad processing helped.

Me, pretending to be self-aware: Yeah! I'm really glad! Anyway, I do this thing, and I think it's cause of...

(Rinse and repeat)

[glittergroovy]

violenttradwife (insta)

[the-things-i-wish-i-could-say]

I hate being able to intellectualize my feelings and thoughts.

Rationally I know that my spiralling anxieties and repeating thoughts are just because I’m tired, I’m stressed and it’s late at night so there’s less distractions. Logically I know everyone doesn’t hate me and that I’m not an ugly, disgusting person. Reasonably I know that how I’m thinking and feeling now will pass and I most likely won’t wake up still feeling this way.

Despite all that, it doesn’t make those thoughts and feelings go away, it just makes me feel like I’m crazy because I can’t stop them. I know where they’re coming from and why they’re happening, but I can’t stop it. I have the tools to dig myself out of this pit I’ve fallen in, but having the tools doesn’t mean I know how to use them properly or effectively. Knowing and recognizing the source of these spirals doesn’t make them any less real, any less debilitating, any less harmful; and having the backing track in my head invalidating my current ongoing experiences doesn’t make it better.

I hate the way my brain works sometimes.

[girlwithlandscape]

[mbti-notes]

Hola, INFJ: You've mentioned multiple times that unhealthy INFJs have the tendency to arrive at conclusions about the future with little/no evidence. I find myself doing this compulsively, constantly, and it's causing me heaping amounts of anxiety and messy thoughts. Like I know if I have to confront someone about an issue I will constantly think about how it will go based on exchanges before, usually negative ones. Or I imagine the consequences worse than they actually are. Any suggestions

This kind of overthinking is usually the result of Ni-Ti loop, i.e., misusing Ti to compulsively “analyze” situations as a means to artificially boost self-confidence. The overthinking is actually spurred by underlying negative emotions like fear, hurt, shame, guilt, pride, etc. Therefore, instead of misusing Ti as an ego defense mechanism, confront the underlying emotions and deal with them directly (see the section on Emotional Well-Being). This requires that you improve your emotional intelligence and learn to accept your emotions rather than constantly trying to “manage expectations” - it doesn’t work well anyway, so why do it? 

People use defense mechanisms because they get a “reward” and they are blind to the negative consequences. In the case of Ni-Ti loop, the “benefit” is a false sense of security as you essentially pretend that your negative emotions don’t exist, as though you are remaining above the fray somehow (unhealthy detachment); the consequence is that you have no idea why you do things (because you’re in denial about how your emotions drive your behavior) and you can’t recognize how faulty your judgment actually is (which leads to self-inflicted pain and suffering). Until you realize that the “reward” is not worth the psychologically damaging consequence, you’ll continue to go for the short-term “reward” and ignore the long-term consequence. Awareness is the key.

[mbti-notes]

Hey how is your summer going for you . I hope your having fun doing whatever your doing. Hey I was wondering if Overthinking is a defense mechanism and what does it stem from , like are Ns more likely to suffer from it more so then Ss types. How does someone fix a problem like that? From what I noticed is NPs do this the most with SJs doing this the least do you agree ( ENFP)

No, anyone can overthink. It’s just a way to avoid confronting unpleasant feelings and emotions, which is a universally relatable struggle. Yes, any “strategy” that is used to avoid important self-knowledge is a defense mechanism. I believe this has already been covered, you seem to be describing rumination (check the Emotional Well-Being section) and/or intellectualizing or rationalizing (check list of defense mechanisms). Generally speaking, the way to fix it is to confront and accept the feelings and emotions that you’re avoiding, and, if applicable, to resolve the real-world problem that is triggering those emotions.