#interfility

[thearticulateautistic-blog]

Are you having trouble conceiving a child? It could be due to hidden atrazine exposure, a pesticide that’s just as bad (if not worse) than Monsanto’s flagship herbicide, Roundup! I wouldn’t have personally believed the horrible damage this particular pesticide could do until I started really digging into the data. Now I feel compelled to share with you a few facts about atrazine, an herbicide in widespread use in America and Australia (but one that isn’t talked about nearly enough). Click on the link below to discover these chilling facts about atrazine. (Men, this is of particular concern for you, especially if you’re trying to father a child!)

[teamaqualung]

1 DPO

Here I sit. 1 day post ovulation, the two week wait commences. The TWW is the worst, especially if you aren’t as confident in your sex timing. I automatically wake up at 6:30 and take my BBT - set it aside to look when I actually get up. 8:00 rolls around and I turn my thermometer back on to read the temp. The way this thermometer works is that it holds the previous temp you took briefly before zero-ing out, which makes it easier for me to not have to find light to read the temp on the weekend. So I lean over and today is the most important day to read the temperature. It’s going to tell you if you ovulated or not by showing a > or = to .4 rise in temperature. I look and the temp says 97.? Wait, was that 97.1 or was that 97.7? It would need to be 97.7 to confirm ovulation, but I swear it said 97.1 So I take it again, which isn’t good because it is not at the exact same time as all other days. It shows 97.6. So then I think, well, is this because it’s 1.5 hours later than usual? Is this because I woke up to kiss my husband goodbye? Fuck. I don’t know. I take it again and it shows 97.4. WTF. How is it fluctuating this much in a few minutes. So then I take it AGAIN a couple minutes later. And this time it shows 97.???? WHAT IS THAT. Luckily the temp stays on longer after you initially take it and sure enough. It’s 97.7. And that’s what I saw this AM. So yes, confirmation of ovulation. 

Do you see how terrible this is on my brain? Ideally I’d like to wake up today, knowing we had sex the past two days which is perfect timing without all other pieces of knowledge. And carry on. But now I will question it all for the next 2 weeks. Seems crazy. So I’ll do my best to carry on as usual. Continue to repeat ‘everything happens for a reason’. And continue to dream about that little baby wrapped in blue and the little girl with curly hair. But then again, I’ll just relax and not think about it, right? 

[tieitwithabow]

The Vision

I held my eyes shut, pushing my tears out with force.

And it burst into my mind as a whole thought.

“I have my mother’s eyes”

Or maybe it was “I have my mothers’ eyes”

And I think it must have been the second, because when I saw those brown eyes, with their almond shape, I knew that they belonged not only to Myself and not only to Mary Louise, but to my Heavenly Mother.

And to this day I feel great power and strength in that knowledge.

My Father in heaven is good and great and He created the whole world in seven days, but

Heavenly Mother?

She’s a miracle in her own right.

I wish I could read a book about all the creation that she inspired and all the works that she wrought.

What I know for now, is that she has beautiful, kind brown eyes. That are almond shaped.

And that she passed them down to me. And Mary Louise.

[starseneyes]

Operation IUI: Starting Up Again

Monday was eventful. Not only was it my husband's 32nd birthday in which I greatly surprised him with a gift he's coveted since he was 12, but it was also the day of my followup appointment to discuss my HSG with my doctor. Turns out both tubes are open, though one is preferential, and that I have a severely tilted uterus. All this to say she thinks we should try again a few more times with the IUI. Also, I don't have to do the progesterone this time. Just the endometrin, which was a lot easier to handle.

How do I feel? Nervous and overjoyed and excited and terrified. I've learned not to get too hopeful, to jump too high on that ladder before I once again hit a low. However, I'm also not gloomy about our prospects. Cautiously optimistic is the best phrase.