Stars in Her Eyes

Look for the girl with the stars in her eyes. She looks up. She looks beyond. She looks within.

[starseneyes]

The Adventure of Self-Discovery

I have several friends who upon getting out of a long-term relationship immediately jumped into another. That's just not me.

In fact, when I ended things with my high school boyfriend—a nice guy, but just the wrong guy for me—I wanted to take the summer to figure myself out because I'd been jumping from relationship to relationship for a few years.

But that's when I met my ex-husband—right as that relationship was ending. And while I told him about my Summer plans, looking back I see he didn't respect them at all.

He was constantly calling. He was constantly emailing. He was constantly AIMing. He was constantly trying to invite me out.

And what I really needed was some time to figure out me.

Now, I have that time. I'm getting out there and creating core memories that don't involve him. And for someone like me, that is extremely healthy.

Some of us need space after getting out of something long-term before jumping into something else. There's nothing wrong with that.

I think it's all just a part of the discovery of self. I met my ex just before my 19th birthday. So much of figuring out who I was happened within an abusive relationship.

And I'm not saying you have to have been in an abusive relationship to need this reset. Some of us are just wired this way. We need to spend some time learning to love ourselves without another person.

Honestly, I think that leaves us more ready to love someone else—when we first learn to love ourselves on our own.

Because if I do give this relationship thing another go, I'll be doing it as a version of me who doesn't need the validation of another person to love myself, to be proud of myself, to feel assured of my choices.

I'll be looking for a person to partner with me in this life—for us to uplift one another and hold one another accountable and build a life together, sure.

So, loves, if you're like me and working on that reset of learning to love yourself on your own after ending something long-term—I see you. I love you. You're doing brilliantly.

May you learn to love the version of yourself you're finding in this season. I think you're pretty amazing.

[starseneyes]

Sunny Sometimes Dims

Do you ever have one of those days that sucks you dry? That steals all the sunshine you've stored for a rainy day before the clouds even had a chance to gather?

There are nights the loneliness crawls inside of me and stretches, long claws dragging down, tearing pieces of me apart.

The people who understand me best are miles and miles away. So when the ache starts to burn, starts to slice, starts to SCREAM... I'm alone.

There's no one on the other end of the line if I called. There's no one who's own plate is empty enough to take on listening for a while as I try to gather the scattered pieces of who I am into that funny, sunny girl I am.

The sunshine's still in there. I can feel it.

But on a night like tonight, it's battling against the beast of emptiness where sunlight cannot touch.

It's just a tough night. It'll pass.

But sometimes if I write it out, it frees me. It releases me.

So, heartache, let go. I need the sun to shine, again.

[starseneyes]

The Cookie of Good Fortune

A few months back, I wrote about re-finding the fortune I'd stuck in the back of my phone in November and promptly forgotten. It read "There is only one success—to be able to live your life in your own way".

I loved that message, and I wanted to hold onto it.

While out in Los Angeles, I got my first fortune cookie since. When I opened it, I started laughing aloud, to the curiosity of my friend.

It read:

Look, I know better than to look at Signs from the Universe and whatnot. But we've talked a bit about my concept of "What if?" where I try to keep my mind and heart open to possibility.

To me, success very much is what my first fortune I saved said—to live life the way I want.

And in less than two months, I'll be able to file for Divorce—at last. Yes, I'll have to navigate co-parenting and whatnot with that man.

But all the big parts of separating our lives—and finally getting his stuff out of this house—can then move forward. The kids and I can move forward.

So, thanks, Universe, for something that made me laugh and reminded me of how far I've come. This is my eleventh month of Separation.

My future isn't some far off thing, anymore. It's almost here. And I'm ready for it.

[biglawbear]

I finished reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time in my life. With all of *vague gesture at everything* this going on.

I Am Not Okay

[biglawbear]

You have to understand. I watched the movies maybe once as a kid when they came out twenty years ago. I've somehow avoided learning like anything about these books my entire life. Literally everything about these books was a complete unknown and surprise to me. Totally blank slate going on. I barely even knew how it ended.

Holy shit.

[biglawbear]

Frodo didn't complete his task. Sam literally carried him up Mount Doom. And when he got to the end, he couldn't throw the Ring away.

But for Gollum biting it off with his finger, it wouldn't have been destroyed.

So Frodo's journey saved the world nonetheless.

And it broke him.

It was too much for him to bear. He could no longer live in the Shire or live in Middle-Earth. He wasn't of the world anymore. He had to go to the Undying Lands.

He took on the task that no one else would. He saved the world. Everyone got a happy ending. Aragorn became King, Sam rebuilt the Shire, Merry and Pippin became heroes. They all lived in renown.

But Frodo had the hardest task of all. No one else would do it. A simple hobbit who came by the Ring by chance. Not a King, not an immortal. Not a wizard. No power save his will and his friends. And he did it and saved everyone.

And he never got to rest. He never got to remain in peace. The task destroyed him. It was too much.

But there was no other way. Nobody but a simple hobbit could bear the ring all the way to Mount Doom and resist its power so long. Not a man, not an elf, not a wizard; they would have succumbed. Gandalf knew this, which was why he chose the hobbits in all his designs.

It's amazing that one of the precedent setting works in the fantasy genre holds up so well because it subverts what ultimately became the genre's core tropes. The hero was not the King, or a chosen one. In fact, the hero not being the King was a key point that allowed Aragorn to distract Sauron and allow the task in the first place. The hero was someone unassuming but courageous, who did the thing because no one else would, even though it was just by chance he came upon it.

But Frodo couldn't resist the Ring completely. He wasn't superior to anyone else in that way. And in the end it left him broken. The burden crushed him. No one else could do it, and in the end, he couldn't either. He wasn't so special that he was invulnerable.

I'm not okay. Holy fuck you guys.

[biglawbear]

It's been a week and I'm still not over this, I'll never get over this.

Something that I've been thinking about, as I struggle with depression and anxiety and *another vague gesture at everything* is that LOTR does not criticize Frodo for being broken. It does not shame him or deny him what he needs.

The task was too much and it broke him and that's okay. His friends nonetheless take care of him and let him go with understanding. The book doesn't treat it as a bad thing.

This seems to be a theme throughout the books. The characters rest and heal. They spend time recovering in Rivendell, Fangorn, Lorien, Ithilien. It's treated as good and necessary. They don't heroically endure endless torment from the second they set out until they're done.

And in Gondor's march from Minas Tirith to Mordor, Aragorn recognizes that some of the very few men he's taking with him don't have the heart to go to battle against the Enemy. And he says that's okay. He gives them other tasks the they can do. They hold other strategic points. They aren't shamed for not going all the way, or kicked out, or told that they aren't manly or whatever. Their limitations are recognized and respected. The task was too big and it was okay that they couldn't do it.

I don't know man. I've held on through some absolutely crazy shit. White knuckled through mental health crises when my doctors were begging me to take a break, to go to the hospital before I hurt myself. My therapist has tried to slow me down and tell me that I've been going through it and it's understandable that I am feeling some kind of way. Even one of my colleagues remarked that I've had an absolutely fucking wild career and that I've seen more as a lawyer of seven years than she has as a lawyer of forty. But I've gotten it into my head that I have to be strong, I have to be independent.

Fuck me, man, I'm currently white knuckling through life and hanging on by a fucking thread. A few weeks ago I was about an hour away from checking myself in to a mental health facility until my best friends swooped in to help me. And then I went right back to work.

And then I read this book. This fucking brilliant and beautiful book written by a man who had seen the horrors of war and spilled it all over the page. And I read it for the first time as an adult with full understanding and experience of what it all means. And it hits me like a fucking truck.

And it says that you can't endure everything. That at some point you need to rest and heal. That if you take on too much you will break. And that all of that is okay.

How am I supposed to move on with my life after reading this?

[three--rings]

Certainly there are many messages within Lord of the Rings, but you have to think that Tolkien would have been happy that this message in particular was still being conveyed all these years later.

[starseneyes]

Welp, Accidentally Dressed as a Flag

Of course I know it's Pride Month, so today I decided to wear my earrings I got from The Peculiarity Shop in honor of my demisexuality. I was stoked to quietly represent at the office.

Then, I caught a glimpse of my outfit in the mirror and started cackling with laughter. Guess who dressed as a whole damn flag?

Figuring out I was Demisexual/Ace was a gamechanger for me. Suddenly everything I'd been told by the church that was "wrong" and "broken" in me made sense.

So, Happy Pride, loves. May you be boldly able to be yourself.

You are loved. I am so thankful you're here.

[starseneyes]

You Don't Have to Apologize

I have a client I've worked for almost 8 years, and I love when I get to come to town and get face-time with the team.

There are two companies run by about five people, and it's an intimate little team that I love to be a part of. My Los Angeles trip definitely had to include them.

One of the team members and I became friends over the years, and his wife is so wonderful. I get excited whenever he works from home and I can wave to her on the Zoom call.

Today, he apologized to me when he got worked up while we were talking about my ex and the whole situation.

"It's okay," I told him. "You don't know how much it helps me."

Because for so long, the only people I told about my situation either said there was no solution or blamed me for everything that went wrong in my marriage.

Having people in my life hear only snippets of the truth I witheld for so long and get upset means the world to me. Because I finally can share what I've endured, and having people react the way they do validates my choice to leave.

It really was that bad. It really still sucks.

On the flipside—I know what it is to apologize when I don't need to. I'm a champion at apologizing because in my old life everything was always my fault.

My friends Friday night kept reminding me that I didn't need to apologize all the time. It's just second nature. I'm working on releasing myself from a truly harmful habit.

So, maybe we should all do a little less apologizing when we've not done anything wrong.

Look, I am all for people apologizing for the stuff they fuck up. I apologize when I fuck up. That's about taking ownership of your fuckup, apologizing for said fuckup, and trying to do better.

That's how a human being grows. We fuck up, own it, apologize, and do better.

But when we apologize for something we didn't do, or apologize when nothing's been done wrong, we're taking ownership of someone else's fuckup, or for a fuckup that didn't exist in the first place.

Who wants to take ownership of imaginary fuckups?

So, loves, yes, apologize when you should. But release yourself from apologizing when it's not needed.

Give yourself a little more grace. I'm working on it myself!

[starseneyes]

Give Yourself Permission to Go Alone

My therapist called me out on something a few weeks ago—I still say "we" sometimes when I talk about the things I've done or accomplished.

It's habit. It's part of the whole "we're a unit" bullshit that defined my life for so long where I wasn't allowed to be autonomous and I had to give credit to both of us, even if I was the only one actually doing anything.

I'm trying to get better about giving myself credit for things, just as I'm trying to get better about doing what I want without feeling guilty for it.

That shit goes deep into my childhood trauma that transitioned easily into my marital trauma. So, it's a lot to unpack and course correct.

This trip to LA was 100% something I wanted just for me. I wanted to come out here and finally meet my mentor in-person, to hug on lovely friends, to go out with my cousins.

I wanted to connect with my main clients face-to-face for the first time in six years, and to schedule time for myself, too.

So, a buddy of mine has been giving me grief every time I come to town for not giving him a headsup so we can hang out and go hiking.

Three months ago—when I booked the flights—he was my first message. At first, he was stoked but every time I reached out in the months since to nail down plans, he ghosted me.

So I took my damn self hiking.

Yes, that is my actual face color in that photo. I don't temperature regulate. I have to splash water on myself every so often to simulate the relief others get from sweating.

Since the October Slide, I haven't even attempted anything this strenuous because my lungs just couldn't handle it. But even if I had to go alone, I was gonna do it.

So, yeah, I took more breaks on the ascent than I would've liked. But I had a beautiful time hiking in Studio City, where I've never been. The Farmer's Market was cute, too!

I'm doing things for me and not feeling guilty. That is huge and I knew that this trip would be important for my healing process.

Loves, I know it's scary to leave. I know it's damn hard.

But I also know it's incredible on the other side.

So, if you can get out safely, please do! I believe in you.

[starseneyes]

Taking Up Space

I'm used to shrinking and hiding, making myself small. So, learning to take up space has been a journey.

And as I sat on the porch swing hanging from the giant tree outside my hosts' home, I realized how different my last visit was with this one.

I was stranded in Los Angeles due to snowstorms back home shutting down the airlines. I had to check every day to see if I'd be able to get a flight home.

I didn't want to upset my hosts—who are also friends and also clients—by making plans, so I ended up sitting with them watching television for hours.

For them, this is incredibly relaxing. It isn't always for me.

But I didn't even attempt to make plans of my own because I was so afraid of offending.

This time, I've had so. many. plans.

Dinners out. Lunches out. Coffee dates. Seeing friends, family, and even my mentor!

Even out with these incredible, powerhouse women, I feel less self-conscious.

Yes, I did apologize a little more than I needed to with Tilly and Susan—and they rightfully told me I didn't need to. And, yes, I was worried that I was annoying my mentor because I'm such a little weirdo.

But I'm learning how to take up space. I'm learning not to be afraid of offending people with my existence.

It's been a journey, but I am so glad I planned this trip and gave myself the space to take up space. I'm pretty damn proud of me.

Loves, if you can safely get out, please do. Trust me, it's SO much better on the other side.

[starseneyes]

Maybe I Shouldn't Have Asked for Adventure

Because, y'all, it has been a day.

It started off well enough—made it to the airport and there was no line at TSA. I got through in minutes and was way early. Didn't even have to take off my shoes or unpack my bag!

Plane was running a little late, but it wasn't a full plane, so they moved us around and I ended up with a window seat and nobody directly next to me.

Oh! And a dragonfly skimmed the wing and flew on as we were taxiing for takeoff. Good sign, right?

My connecting flight was parked at the gate when a luggage cart rammed into it and apparently caused electrical damage to the damn plane. Two hours later, we finally boarded.

We were taxiing to takeoff... when the Captain came on over the loudspeaker—no flights were making it out of the airport due to weather concerns.

We spent an hour waiting on the tarmac, putting me arriving just before 9PM instead of just before 6PM local time.

But... I'm here.

I'm being hosted by my clients who also happen to be dear friends. The husband picked me up and the wife had a dinner of salmon and asparagus with fresh fruit on the side waiting when I arrived.

She dashed off to bed because she has an early call time, and I hopped in a hot shower and did a room walk to loosen my hips.

Going to try slumbering soon, but I'm in an incredible mood because... I made it. I'm here.

Bring on the rest of the adventure.

[starseneyes]

Time to Live, Again.

I've always loved to travel. I like to see new places and try new things. I want to go where the locals go, and intermix some of the classic touristy things along the way.

I'm Los Angeles bound. And I'm ecstatic.

I have cousins out in Los Angeles who I'm meeting for dinner, lunch with my mentor, coffee with old friends whose parenting situation closely resembles mine—though they're a few years ahead—and little meet ups througout.

Staying with clients, so I'll definitely still be doing some working, but this is my birthday gift to me.

I used to make sure to go someplace new every year. Not necessarily another country—though I have done some travel abroad—but more to see different communities and different places.

I've sipped from a coconut on St. John and marveled at the beauty of Florence. I've watched warm rains fall outside Mexico City and sipped tea in Glasgow.

But I've also hiked the Blue Ridge Mountains, watched the sunrise over the ocean at Virginia Beach, and eaten beignets in the French Quarter.

Life is meant to be lived. And I've been on pause long enough.

The adventure of living is best experienced when you get out there, try new things, adventure as much as possible. And that's exactly what I intend to do.

Soon I'll be in the air. Cheers to the adventure.

[starseneyes]

"I had no idea."

Over the past ten months—yes, ten months today—I've heard that more often than I can count. So many times when I told the truth about my marriage, eyes popped open in surprise.

But it's simply the truth. The truth of what I've survived.

And ten months on the other side of that, I've found so much joy.

But with every conversation with someone who knew both of us, but not well enough to suspect anything was off, I'm reminded of how much people didn't know because I played my part so well.

So, loves, I hope you know you don't ever have to pretend with me.

I think if we were encouraged to be more honest about what we're facing, then there wouldn't be so many, "I had no idea"s.

I felt the same way when I considered taking my own life many years ago. I wrote about it on Facebook, and my mother called me ordering me to take it down, saying nobody would hire me ever again.

As I deleted it, I thought, "this is why they always say 'but she seemed so happy'".

So, fuck that shit. Let's be honest and messy.

Let's tell each other the truth, sit with one another in the heartache, and lift one another out of the darkness.

On the cusp of my eleventh month of freedom, that's my wish for you—that you never go through it alone.

I love you. I'm here. We can do this.

[starseneyes]

What if?

I'm the queen of considering a million and one possibilities. I think it's why I'm a halfway decent writer—because not only do I consider the obvious option, but about 200 others before I arrive at one that feels right.

Now, the right one is usually the worst. And I'm unfortunately often right.

Look, I'm not a doomer. I'm a realist who tends to read the room and think, "What if?" And, too often, the worst possibly scenario wins out.

But lately I've started to let my mind wander across those million and one possibilities with an eye towards the good outcome. Because... what if?

And that subtle shift in thinking is a surprise. But it's definitely a welcome one.

It's all part of my healing.

I'm so used to bracing for impact, to readying myself for screaming and yelling and heartache, to preparing to shield my heart from the worst of the worst.

But I can feel my defenses lowering just a little because peace is starting to become a constant.

Now, I'm still not going all-in on that positive possibility. I'm still going to stand back and think, "Yeah, probably not."

But what if?

[starseneyes]

Yes, I'm a Zebra.

Now, Rachel, what the hell does that mean!? It means I'm one of those folks who lives with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

The Zebra came to be the symbol because "not everything is black and white" when it comes to diagnosing a unique condition like mine.

Yes, I have other invisible illnesses. But this is the one that impacts my life the most.

I'm in constant pain. My joints are always hurting, always shifting, always getting stuck in one place and sliding to another. There's weakness, there, that will only get worse as I age.

That's why I work out so much. Movement is a key component to how I manage my EDS.

But my doctor always points out that it's a fine line between moving enough to keep things in place and moving too much and causing additional pain.

So, I have to modify. I have to be flexible—heh—when it come to what I want to do. Sometimes, I don't have the physical ability. Sometimes, I don't have the spoons.

I wish I could do all the things I want to do. But, I can still do a hell of a lot, so I choose to be thankful as much as possible.

When I was going through my infertility battle, I read a quote from Michael J Fox when someone asked him if he ever thought, "why me?" in regards to his Parkinsons.

Do you know what he said? "Why not me?"

And that reframed everything for me. Yeah, it'd be nice if it wasn't me who had to go through all of this. But, why not me?

To all my fellow Zebras, my fellow spoonies, my fellow invisible illness warriors—I see you. Sending you all my love this month and every month.

[starseneyes]

It's Okay to Cry.

I've said before that I absolutely love my therapist. Yesterday, I brought up a trouble area I have in my workouts, and I said, "I know it's frivilous."

She asked me to pause, and she said, "If it matters to you, it matters to me."

That has never been my reality. Not in my childhood. Not in my marriage.

I do have some wonderful friends, and some of them might say something similar in that situation, but it hasn't been spoken aloud.

And that's when I started to cry.

I don't cry often. It's really painful and really hard because once I start crying, it's really hard for me to stop.

Growing up, I wasn't allowed to cry. If I was caught crying, I was yelled at.

I was called names. I was called weak. I was told that the world wasn't going to coddle me and that I needed thicker skin.

I started keeping Visine and foundation in my room so I could hide my red eyes and my stork bite—forehead birth mark—because it gets more prominent when I am active or cry. And I knew she'd be looking for it.

I knew what was coming if I didn't hide. I knew it would be bad. I knew I'd have to just take it.

So I struggle with crying. But yesterday I cried twice.

I think I needed to just let go for a little bit and let the tears fall. I've been so strong through all of this. But on my Therapy call, I let myself cry a bit. I let myself feel how much has sucked for so long.

It's cathartic. It's a release.

Loves, I know what it's like to have to be strong all the time. I know a lot of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

So, let me say to you what I never heard growing up—it's okay to cry.

Sometimes you need to just let it all out. And I hope you'll give yourself space to feel and process everything. You're not weak because you feel. You're a fucking badass.

And I hope you know that.

[starseneyes]

Put Down Your Sword and Shield

Therapist and I were talking today about how tired I am. Bone tired. Spirit tired. The kind of tired you can't fix with a nap.

She said, "I'd like to know what it's like to put down both my sword and shield."

And that really rang true for me.

I'm always either fighting something off or shielding these Littles I love. There's no space for quiet in the midst of an onslaught of neverending storms.

By mid-next week, I'll be in Los Angeles. Staying for a week. It's my first time being away from all three children this long ever. And I'm super excited for it, even though I will be working.

I'm staying with one of my clients—really lovely folks—and plan to work half days with them, then try to see friends in the afternoon and evenings.

Plus, I'll be there over the weekend, and I'm stoked to have lunch with my Mentor. That one's pretty special.

Yeah, I'll still be working, so it won't be a complete break. But, maybe, just maybe, there'll be some hours in there where I don't have to carry my sword and shield everywhere I go. Maybe I can remove some of the armor.

Wouldn't that be lovely?

And you, my lovelies. I hope you get to put down your sword and shield sometimes, too. Because we all deserve to know what that's like.

[starseneyes]

Can't Help What You Weren't Taught. But You Can Help What You Choose Not to Learn.

It's something I've thought before, but I was able to verbalize yesterday with an old friend who happens to be a mutual with my ex.

John and I met at Freshman Orientation because I spied him in the Retro Room—a really fun gaming room that the University eliminated the same year—wearing a Vash the Stampede T-shirt.

For me—a little anime nerd who was even in Anime Club in high school—I was so excited to spy someone I might be able to have a conversation with. I knew nobody at Orientation, at that point.

I later ran into someone I knew from competition Forensics, Julia, and we roomed for the night. Those who've read this blog a while know that was the night the Unoites came into existence—a bunch of college kids eating junk food and playing Uno.

John was one of those college kids.

We've been friends ever since, and his high school girlfriend—who joined us the next year at our University—is one of my best friends in the world.

When the split happened, the two of them were a huge help, and John asked about staying friends with my ex. Of course, I left the door open. I'm not a bitch.

Last night, as John, Amber, and I sat and talked while our kids played, John brought up something my ex said to him recently. He mentioned how my ex's parents never taught him how to maintain a house or be an adult.

And, like, I get it. I used to make the same damn excuse for my ex.

But I finally realized, that though he couldn't help what he wasn't taught, he could help that he never chose to learn.

There are so many things I didn't know when I got out in the world for the first time. But I learned. I pushed myself to be as independent as I could and learn how to manage everything.

So, I said it to John. "He can't help what he wasn't taught, but he can help what he didn't choose to learn. And I tried to teach him for 20 years. He didn't want to learn."

John kind of nodded in response, and Amber murmured, "That's true."

Because while none of us had the exact upbringing we needed to prepare us for the world, it's up to us to fill in the blanks.

All this to say—don't let people excuse their shitty behavior when they chose not to do better. I did it for years. And I'm done with that.

I deserve better. And you do, too.

[starseneyes]

Old Friends and Navigating Divorce

I haven't put out any mass notifications to folks in my life about my Separation and impending Divorce. You might think—Rachel... this is a public place.

Yes, fine. I know this isn't exactly private. But I'm a queen at compartmenalizing my life. So, I have one IRL friend—hi, Ali—who reads these blogs, and I first met her online.

I use my married name for work and for Facebook because I made so many work contacts there back when it was a useful platform. And I do have a "Work Instagram" using that name.

But my personal world? That's always been under my nickname—Esselle.

Mostly because my maiden name was too long to fit the old character limits on handles—first and last were 20 letters and back in the day, if you added the needed spaces and hyphen, it just wouldn't fit .

But, for whatever reason, I never wanted it under my married name. Weird how that worked out, eh?

So, you'll see RachelSL or RachelEsselle depending on if I was fast enough to get the first on whatever platform. And Starseneyes here in honor of my first Angelfire website—shoutout to the OGs!

That means the folks who only know me by my married name don't all know what's happened with me and my ex. And because we met shortly before my 19th birthday, a lot of our friends are shared.

There's one from college whose own divorce and second life I've followed for many years, now. She often posts incredibly inspirational Stories on Instagram that really resonate with where I am on my journey.

This week, I reached out to tell her how much of an inspiration she's been, how much I appreciate her, and the situation with me and my ex—who was her friend first.

Not only did she congratulate me, but she noted that she's five years "ahead of [me]", has found what she calls true love, and assured me that it will get better.

Tears gathered in my eyes. Because almost everywhere I've turned in the nearly 10 months since my Separation, I've been surrounded by love.

In two months and 11 days, I can file for Divorce. I'm hoping my ex will sign the Separation Agreement and we can finally go our separate ways as much as raising kids together allows.

And on the other side of it? I know I'll be loved. My family and friends have already shown that.

I won't be condemned. I won't be shunned. I won't be isolated. I won't be chastised.

I'll be loved.

And, honestly, I can't wait for everyone to know. Because I know there'll be more folks like my old friend who'll congratulate me and share in the joy.

Thank you all for your support, love, and sharing the ride with me. I appreciate you more than you will ever know!