#internship life

[soullikethesea]

Lol I might have been tired. I just woke up at 8.30 in the morning still fully dressed, with the light still on and all sorts of random items in my bed. Do not remember going to bed or falling asleep. 😅😬

[sleepsucks]

[sunflower-chiild]

my dumb brain every time I see the abbreviation for the American Opportunity Tax Credit:

[aslovelyasitseems]

Yapping at work

Hi! I know it has been a while since I wrote here. Probably ages. I know, maybe I should write a quick update on how my life is going. I can do that... but right now, I just want to share my frustrations as an internship student abroad. Yes, I went back to studying (after finishing my master's degree -- that will be part of the update soon) and yes, I actually managed to make a long-time dream come true. Thank you, parents.

I am a project management intern in a well-established applied research/academic institution in Canada (yes, I am studying in Canada) and I have never been this bored doing basically nothing. Me and my classmate got into the internship program in a very tricky time: support staff union strike. More than half of the college's human resource is on the picket (they are rallying). Not going to deep dive on that one because it is kind of complicated discussion. Going back to my rambles, with the strike going on, some of the managers are out of the office and were not able to assign any tasks to us. Unfortunately, my supposed-to-be manager was one of them. So, another manager took me under his wing to do some of the tasks related to human resource.

And now I am in limbo, doing hiring coordination emails. There's not much task on that one, as you can imagine. I receive a list of people or requirements that need to be requested to the staff, and then I communicate with them. My immediate supervisor usually sends an email and mentions that if there are other things that needs to be done, I would be taking over. These emails are usually coordination so it was not something that would really require high supervision. And he could not be bothered with it anymore because I know he has a lot on his plate right now. Sending the communication is a very easy task to do, not to brag. Sadly, I do it within a few minutes and the next task would be...to wait until the receivers respond to you. Just that.

This has been the only task that I have been doing for a month now... Yes, I get paid minimum just to stare at my email all day. Imagine doing these little tasks and still ending up being called out because apparently I was not supposed to handle internal communications because I am technically a student. I am lost for words. I am furious. I am in the middle of nowhere, with my dreams of getting that global experience, and here I am in an office where I sit all day, doing my best to accomplish the most menial task given to me and still ended up doing it wrong. That was some rollercoaster of mental craziness, I know.

And this angst brought me back here. I needed to air it out or else my brain is going to explode. My body could not handle all the stress well anymore so I certainly need to have an outlet. Definitely, you'll see (read) more of me soon. This is actually a eureka moment, I guess. I am not sure if sharing my thoughts out is what makes this therapeutic or was it the fact that I am typing so fast like I am making a report for a project? It is so cool that the words are just literally coming out from my fingers. Suddenly, I feel a little lighter now. But still no tasks at hand.

I missed yapping. I may be working with less than bare minimum, I still deserve to eat my packed snacks.

[jocysambags]

Fml

This part of life is hard

[jocysambags]

currently working towards pursing my license in child life. 

I'm almost done! just need 360 more clinical hours to be all done! 

I was in Minnesota during Feb-Mar to complete this task and had to leave because of COVID. 

let me be transparent: I wasn't doing a good job. I wasn't meeting the expectations of my supervisor. and while I'm sure there were many environmental factors that were inhibiting my growth - I choose to put the “failure” on myself and say that I was not doing enough. 

because it is partially true - I wasn't taking it seriously enough. 

and now I have been called to go back and finish! and I will be honest, I was terrified when I got the call. I broke down in my younger sister’s arms and said “I’m so afraid to fail”. 

I don't know how to meet the exact expectations of my supervisor, but I know that I will not stop trying to be my best. 

I've been going through my notes and future assignments - and it all seems so easy to me? I’m trying not to overthink things this time around and I hope I can be better than I was a few months ago. 

but in short, I just wanted to express my emotions. 

I failed last time - but I will try again. 

[jocysambags]

All my roommates are back 😫

I was enjoying the peace and quiet 😭

[jocysambags]

I have literally done nothing for the past day and a half. I haven’t even left the house.

I’m not afraid or anything. I just didn’t have to go to work and all my grocery shopping is done.

So I said, what the hell. Lazy days in, yaaas.