I made friends last year that I became close with quicker than usual. They pushed me to do a lot out of my comfort zone and ultimately that caused me to break down and have a meltdown. Now I can't stop mourning a friendship that makes me feel like I was just used for my kindness and my skills. I jumped into action every time they needed or wanted something. Everything they asked for on their birthday I did. Even things that seem very crazy to me to ask of a friend.
When my birthday came around they needed space from our friendship. Which is funny because I asked for space in July but they needed it in August. August was my birthday month and I spent the majority of the month crying. And I still cry. I hate that I just can't get over the friendship.
I told them how I felt and of course instead of listening to me when I told them I wasn't mad and to please remember I am not good with my tone ( my tone is an issue and I'm working on therapy for it) they made themselves the victim.
When I brought up the fact that I was hurt from when one of them yelled at me (I have a lot of trauma from my abusive upbringing) they instead made themselves the victim saying I made them look bad in front of their partner. I don't understand the logic to this since I was telling the truth and did not mean to say it with any malice. I just said they had beef with another set of friends of ours.
What hurts the most is that one of them was essentially the referee. I told them in confidence that I was more worried about losing their friendship since they were friends with the other person first. They promised they would still be my friend and even said they still wanted to celebrate my birthday with me at a later date. After a while, they just stop replying to my text.
The one who yelled at me had made all these promises for my birthday when I just asked for something simple. I was told my day was for me and nothing would get in the way of it. That was a lie. All I asked for was a tea party. Nothing too fancy, and I asked them not to spend too much. Knowing they don't like tea like I do I told them I did not expect anyone to actually drink tea and if they wanted to they could just take shots from the tea cups. They like to drink. I am not trying to drink because I don't want it to interfere with my medication.
I had also told them not to worry about buying a teapot or cups as my mother had all of that. I just wanted an excuse to dress up and have fun with my friends. I asked for some dessert, tea sandwiches, and a charcuterie board. We all love charcuterie and I wanted to make sure there were plenty of snacks for everyone.
I had told them in the past how hard my birthday was for me because I rarely had a good one.
Now it's September and I'm still crying about all of it. I thought I was done crying about it but Fridays are hard because that's the day we would hang out.
I bleached and dyed their hair. Made them Christmas gifts (I never got something from them for Christmas and yes they celebrate it). Baked cakes for them. Took them to the airport made them Halloween costumes helped at family events.
They blame me for not putting my foot down but I am very vocal about what I like and don't like. They would push me to stay out all day even though the original plans were just to hang out and watch movies together.
There is also so much more but I want to try to stop crying. Why won't my brain just let me get over them when I feel so taken advantage of?
