it's been less than a day of having to readjust. things are already so strange.
we have extremely low barriers between each other's emotions and thoughts in our system. it's one of the things we most enjoy about being with each other. feeling what each other feel, feeling through them.. so even though we all have differing interests, we'd all be able to enjoy it together through the other's excitement bleeding into us.
...we try now to watch or read or do his favourite things, and.
it's empty. there's nothing.
a harsh reminder of "he's not awake."
because of emotion and thought bleed being so intense for us, as well, we'll sometimes react to certain things in the same way he used to, out of habit.
in a strange way that's both comforting and devastating, it makes it feel like he's still here.
gege was heavily depressed. it's the entire reason he's dormant right now. but, neither of the other two of us are or were. we're all pretty even in fronting, so we spent a third of our time extremely burntout or crying due to gege's depression.
when geta went into a coma, he took the depression with him.
which does mean we have our dopamine back. and it's so weird. we have all this extra drive and motivation and ability to function that makes it feel. surreal.
i want him to wake up to a better world. i want to make all of this energy we've been given useful and make our life the perfect one for him to come back to.
i love you, kitty. i'll make the world worth it for you.