It’s one of those nights when you’re quite unsure of when this will end, but also entirely sure you do not want it to.
Xiao x afab! + gn!Reader smut, 2.2k words; mdni please and ty!!
Xiao has long claws + his pupils narrow instead of widening with affection.
— ❥ afab + gn!reader, reader has a vision, established relationship, service top!xiao, unprotected sex, edging, nipple play, orgasm denial dacryphilia, overstimulation, clitoral stimulation, creampie, mentions of cunnilingus, biting and bruising. + my apologies because I do not know what took over me </3
"X– iao”
“Yes?” He breathes, voice lowered to a croon. Nearly a purr, you think. You would tease him for it if you could, but right now–
“Xiao please.” Your voice breaks. “Just–”
Xiao smears another kiss to your bruised, marked shoulder, sending a dull sting of pain shooting through your skin. You twitch.
“Not yet.”
You whine. “Xiao.”
Xiao only kisses you.
He likes hearing his name on your lips– he likes your lips quite a bit. They are good to him, good to his fingers, very good to his mouth and nipples, and very good to his cock. You wonder if it's why he does this– keeps you on the precipice of pleasure until you are a mess of heat and sweat and want. He eases in, then away as needed, raising and quelling the clamant heat between your thighs that twitches along your spine.
He doesn’t let you come.
When he feels you start to twitch round his cock, he first draws out, and then presses himself up into you till the hilt. He kisses you again till you are clawing at his chest to let you breathe, giving you no chance to grind against him yourself. (Xiao is thorough– with the way you are now, the slightest pressure might make you convulse. That wouldn’t do.) When he draws away, his spit-slicked mouth attaches insistently to the corner of your lips, nipping and licking and kissing as he moves lower. His back slowly makes an arch– it makes the base of his cock lie flush with your clit, and his length presses gently up against that spongy spot that he has taken pains to caress into sensitivity.
You clutch his head as he reaches your breasts, panting already. You know what is next– he licks and nips at both, warm, heavy sandpaper tongue first dragging underneath a tit, lifting it up into his mouth. Then, against your sensitive areola. It stings and sends a pulse of pleasure right through your belly to the base of your spine, and Xiao's hands shift on your hips, fingers lifting to the air and flexing for a moment. Then they are on you again, nails digging into your skin. Hard enough to indent it, and gentle enough to never break it.
With him crouched before you this way, you can see you have not been kind to him either. Your hands lie listlessly across his back right now, too tired to bother trying to convince him, but there’s little red lines all across it from your previous ministrations. You trace a featherlight finger across one of them, and Xiao grabs a tit with his teeth in retaliation, wraps his firm lips round it and sucks.
You cry out as he pulls partially out, tears welling in your eyes, but he drops you nipple with a pop and shushes you gently with soft, breathy croons of your name upon your parted lips as he enters you again. His divine nature lends a new meaning to warm– you feel your body cool a moment as he composes himself for one heartbeat. Two. (Archons know how long, for time makes no sense to you.) Then he is kissing you again, breaking away at intervals to lick the tears off your cheek, blunt, hot, leaky cockhead messily kissing your sopping cunt. You feel your heart throb in your ears as you hear the clear, insistent sounds of your folds trying to cling to him before he teasingly brushes your clit instead.
“Xiao!” You rake your nails across his back for the nth time, wishing he weren't so deft with his hips. Your own buck up to meet him, but he wedges his thick cock between your thighs instead and fucks shallowly into them. They are coated in him, and you– there is no drag or resistance, only the quiet schlup, schlup that sounds in the air alongside your panting. Before you can catch your breath to scold him again, he captures your mouth with his. You growl against his tongue, and Xiao huffs a rare, sweet laugh.
There is nothing sweet about this, though– the way the tangled strings of pleasure in your belly begin to dissipate for what feels like the hundredth time. There is no masking your desperation. You tug at him, frantic– you want to cum. You just want to cum. You’ve been spread open beneath him this way for far too long, aching and quivering and feverish.
Xiao only watches you with narrowed, slitted eyes, his nose brushing yours. When you make a last, weak attempt at dragging his unmoving body closer, he coos your name affectionately once again.
“Sweet beloved,” he breathes, and nips at your jaw. You groan. “Dearest heart. Give me some time. Just–” he shudders. “Just a little longer. It is better this way.”
“I can't!” you sob. “This is enough– just let me–” you gasp and trail off as he slips into you with a buck of his hips. You are hot, and dripping. He meets no resistance.
“I know,” he murmurs, wiping at your tears with a clawed thumb. It smells of your slick. “I know.”
You whine, broken sobs and mumbles of his name slipping off your tongue. Xiao lets you talk. He does not stop you when you get this way– when your resolve crumbles and you run your fingers all over him, drag him closer to you for a kiss. He lets you. He adores when you cry out for him, the way your very voice throbs round his name, eyes fluttering and shutting, shoulders tensing as you twitch relentlessly around him. He settles into a steady pace as he notes your exhaustion. He could go forever– heavens, he wishes he could go forever– but even in this he cannot fault you. After all, a treat had everyday risks being tainted with mundanity. And this way… he licks away your tears, and you draw him in for the sweetest, weakest kiss. He rubs his calloused palms against the divots on your hips. This way, you have less chances to cry. There is nothing more he loathes than the sight of your tears, and nothing that makes his head swirl and his heart race quite the same way. When you weep because of him it is a sign of keen pleasure, of sheer want, and he whines against your throat, flushed with pride, baring his teeth to your pulse as his thrusts turn erratic.
Your thighs ache and there are hints of pain now mixing with pleasure as he swirls the copious amounts of your slick round your sensitive, swollen clit. It would be too painful to really touch it now, rub it between two fingers with an insistent pressure the way he had before, when he'd prepared you for his cock. You whimper as he nips at you, recall the way he’d looked between your thighs, your legs over his warm shoulders and his talons braced against your thighs as he’d fucked you back and forth on his tongue with inhuman strength. You’d been more composed then, even as he’d speared you open– just hushed cries of his name, head thrown back and fingers in his hair.
Your face burns hotter at the state of you now.
Xiao is good at undressing you. He is so stoic– an arrow tearing straight through your defenses, your pretenses. You are bare before him, always. There is no self possessed dialogue to be found, not anymore– you are filled to the brim with him anyway, made to twitch along to his unselfish desires, crying out his name. When you feel familiar ribbons of hot pleasure wrap round your thighs, you spread them wider for him, and he huffs against you. A half-laugh, although he does not smile.
“Well done,” he rasps, eyes gold all over. His pupils are but black slits against their suns. “Good.” He grunts, and a soft whine keens in his chest as he fights to keep his pace for your pleasure. You wish his tongue would loosen further, wish he'd praise you more, but somehow this is just enough to keep you where he wants you.
You press your fingers to the hard planes of his abdomen, and he moans into your mouth. You give a little dry sob. The soft ribbons of pleasure are tightening, almost cramping. They snake round your body and whisper at your clit until you start to tip over. Your vision blurs with vertigo.
“Xiao–! Can I please–”
And when he presses his cheek to yours to let you pant against his ear, you feel your heart race even faster somehow.
“Yes,” he pants, abdomen tensing under your palm, the smacks of his hips against yours growing erratic even as he desperately tries to keep steady, all for you. Your mind reels. “Pretty beloved,” he whispers, a heady rasp to his throat. You wish you could taste it somehow. “My beauty. Beloved–” he shudders, but continues. Whispered babbles meant for your ears only. You sob. “My sweet. You– you are so sweet, do you know?”
You hum weakly in response, heat coiling tight in your belly. “Xiao–”
“Come for me.”
His fingers roll round your clit hard, dipping heavily lower, then flicking up in repeated motions, almost brushing it directly and you cry out, convulsing round him as he sinks to the hilt inside of you, hips flush against yours. He kisses you hard, swallowing your cries, grinding against your clit to prolong the first burst of your orgasm. You choke and gasp for air, lashes fluttering, pressing desperate whimpers into his mouth with his every tender kiss.
Just as the ribbons start to loosen, they abruptly tighten again. Xiao fucks into you once more, drawing up and away, length dragging firmly against the spongy spot inside of you. Your knees tighten round him. He braces himself back and drags you by the hips into his lap, your ass on the bed between his thighs as he fucks into you once more, pulling out only barely before thrusting up and grinding once more. Your clit jostles– now painfully so– as you feel your receding orgasm flare wildly again.
“Just–” he begs, eyes fixed on the wet mess between your legs, at every new string of slick and cum that joins you. “A little more.”
You nod weakly, knowing he is close. You’re not surprised when he starts to brush gentle circles round your clit once more, sending little sparks up your sore, warm back. You hum weakly, then groan when he finally buries himself within you. When he comes, you tighten round him hard, thighs quivering. His cum is hot, hotter than any mortal’s, and it fills you to the brim, shallow spurts painting your insides, and it feels like you’re stuffed full of nothing but cum and heat.
Xiao watches your cunt carefully, and twitches when your walls flutter sporadically round him. Some moments later, he places a warm palm against your belly, his touch featherlight. Your face burns. His lips are parted.
Even with how boneless and mindless you are at the moment, you can't help but think he looks almost… hungry.
He is still for several moments, before he takes your hands in his. He kisses your knuckles sweetly. Your ears warm further. Were you to cast your gaze just a bit lower, you’d see a far less chaste sight– his hips pressed to yours, thick cock still buried deep within, plugging you tight so not a drop goes to waste.
Eventually, your breaths even out. You feel so warm, so drowsy. Xiao leans over to brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss you. Just a caress of his lips to yours, a chaste little thing that makes your heart ache.
Then he pulls back.
You contract round him at intervals without meaning to, and he hums ever so softly at the slow, careful drag of his cock against your walls. A small pop sounds in the silence as he pulls out. A moment later, you feel a bead of cum follow. Xiao’s eyes zero in on it. He catches it with his thumb, crouching instinctively lower, as though he cannot help it. You blink, feeling suddenly awake at the familiar sight of him bracketed between your legs.
Xiao catches the dollop of cum on his thumb, and presses it inside. The pressure makes more smear out and around it. It catches under his nail, and he absently pops the digit into his mouth to lick it clean, before leaning lower, as though it were compulsion– to let nothing go to waste.
Your breath hitches, anticipation welling in your throat.
Xiao regards the mess on your thighs, and pulls them apart over his shoulders, trailing hot open mouthed kisses up away from your core, then back up toward it. He blinks slowly at your winking cunt and looks up at you, eyes thin slits once more. You watch, mesmerised, as he licks up the mixture of your slick and his cum that shines on his lips like varnish.
"Pretty one," he asks, low and quiet and pleading, turned selfish for once. His soft cheek presses against your thigh and turns sticky with your cum.
"Do you mind if we do this just once more?"
the actual bday fic will be posed in some hours!! this is just a quick lil something i couldn't contain </3
reblogs are vv appreciated (˵˘ ³˘˵) <33 !!
Millennia have gone by, and yet not a single creature has found a cure for lovesickness. Xiao is no exception– and worse, difficult as his feelings are already, they are compounded still by jealousy. Xiao knows it– fortunately, you seem blissfully unaware.
Unfortunately for him, Barbatos knows it too, and decides to free his lips with some fine wine. When Xiao’s words tumble loose, you decide it would be alright to be more courageous than him, for once–
–and ask him to stay.
(A kiss, Xiao thinks, is a fine gift to receive on a birthday.)
Xiao x gn!Reader, 10.5k
— ☘ — ☘ xiao x mortal reader, jealous and lovesick xiao, mutual pining, v slightly suggestive at a part, xiao is v smitten, reader lives in the harbour, reader is not lumine, slowburn (mostly implied bc this is a oneshot and you’ve been friends for years), drunken confession, cuddling, boob jokes, some hcs (menogias made his outfit, xiao has claws like xianyun), alcohol consumption, reader swears a teeny bit, reader has a vision, it’s all just meandering fluff I’m sorry 𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯 ♡
Xiao hears all that happens in Liyue.
Most prominent are the desperate cries for help– forever at the forefront of his mind, these take priority.
Then come the prayers, although there are not many ordinarily; the majority fall into the lot of the adepti of Jueyun Karst. Even so, there are those that pray to him. They naively murmur their wishes to the wind in the hopes of him receiving them.
I pray my sister has a safe pregnancy, says one. I hope my child has a good day, says another.
(That is not my domain, Xiao thinks every time. But even so, I hope it for you. And if a gust of wind keeps the woman from falling to the ground when she stumbles, and if a qingxin flower mysteriously descends from the heavens to land atop the child’s head, making them the envy of all their little friends– well.)
Then come the mentions of his name– this he needs to keep an ear out for. Although, not every murmured Xiao is a summons– intent matters, after all. Such passing mentions are commonplace. Although they are littered all over his subconscious like scattered leaves in the wake of a storm, Xiao pays them little heed.
Lastly, Xiao hears all else– if he so wishes. A conversation between two drunk men at Chihu Rock, the furious hisses of a mother-cat unwilling to let anyone near the minuscule flakes of lint she calls her kittens, the soft cheeps of the finches as they return home to roost after a long, dry day of foraging. (They have his sympathy– the fourth month is upon them, and the sun beams smugly upon all the world beneath.)
Then– if he strains his ears enough– your laughter. And, for the past couple weeks, someone else laughs alongside you, when you ought be heading home quite alone.
And it would mean nothing, nothing at all. If. If.
(He imagines what it would be like, to walk you home, shoulder to shoulder. He dismisses the vision.)
It means nothing even now, he reminds himself, not knowing why he needs reminding. What conceivable reason could there be?
Xiao has known you for a long time. Years of unlikely friendship. Perhaps, he allows, it is precisely because he has few friends that he feels… protective. Yes, that is all. You are deserving of only the best– you are a treasure, after all. Even Rex Lapis said so once, unprompted, fondly casting a glance at your lively eyes, the warm smiles you’d give them as you made your way over. Genial, he had said, when he’d visited the Inn last and found the two of you taking a stroll in the marsh.
Comforting, Xiao had thought. Strange, then, that your smiles have brought him little solace as of late.
Xiao sighs.
It would be a bit naive, he quietly concedes, to pretend he didn’t know why. He is too old, has seen too much– felt too much– to not know what chord his heart strums now.
He gives it no name. He does not need to, and he’d rather not besides. After all, it is an ugly little thing, and acknowledgement does nothing to loosen its toils from his mind.
Last week, you’d paid him a visit. Your regular comings and goings have been more sporadic as of late, with Cloud Retainer’s recently roused temper sending flurries of icy rain to soak all the harbour, forcing everyone and everything with good sense indoors. It caused no real harm, but did serve to be a wretched nuisance, and no amount of prayers and offerings had done anything to make even the slightest change to the weather. You’d asked Xiao why, and he’d bitten back a smile. Something about her mountain still being “positively bedaubed in mint,” he’d said, privately relishing the fact that you knew precisely what he spoke of. He’d told you what had happened this Lantern Rite, after all, tiptoeing around this detail and that. You hadn’t asked any questions, but he’d seen your focused expression and known you’d guessed the rest on your own.
You’d laughed and laughed when he’d told you about Mountain Shaper seeding all of Mt. Aocang with mint, he fondly recalls. (So these laughs bring him solace– he sees, although he does not wish to.) Your mirth perhaps spelled trouble for you, though, because you’d gone on to tut and call Cloud Retainer a ‘sensitive granny,’ and Miss Xianyun, standing a mere half dozen steps away, had not been amused.
Why punish us for it, you’d groaned, when the skies had torn open to shower some more over the inn, just as you’d gotten up to leave. Xiao had been unsurprised– that much was plain to see– but if a part of him was really quite pleased, he hid it well, even from himself.
No matter was all he had said, stoic as ever, and had held your hand to bring you home. It took scarcely a breath, but the warmth of your fingers had lingered on the leather of his gloves for several moments after.
(And of course– although contact was admittedly a little unnecessary, holding your hand would surely have made you a little more comfortable with something as foreign as teleportation, yes?)
The evening breeze brings him out of his thoughts by delivering yet another peal of distant laughter to his ears, and he dissipates it with a sullen wave of his hand. The air goes still for a moment, as though insulted. Then it picks up again, reminding Xiao strongly of a rebuked child pretending to not care. It ruffles the leaves of the giant tree, and plays and fools about the Inn’s loose eaves-and-shingles with breezy little whistles. The very vision of liveliness.
It prances about him, too, and playfully tousles his hair into his face before darting off to bother someone else. Xiao doesn’t look up. Part of him is grateful to be broken out of his reverie, but part of him finds it to be of little use. He is suddenly hyperaware of his muscles– of the arch of his tired shoulders and the ache in his feet. Something heavy sinks to the bottom of his stomach, and twists up coils tightly round his chest. He imagines what it would be like, to have you laugh at something he’d said, instead of your newest coworker, who is all that is charming and vivacious and mortal.
He got cake for everyone yesterday, you’d cheerily said last week, bringing a spoonful up to Xiao’s lips. He had felt both thrilled and dismayed. In the end he’d schooled his face into neutrality and commanded himself to feel the same, as you obliviously continued– It was to thank everyone for being so welcoming or something. It’s really good– try it.
It’s alright, Xiao had wanted to tell you. In the end, though, all he could force out of was a nod of half dismissal and half (questionable) agreement. Perhaps it was puerile, but he finds he doesn’t regret it.
Xiao stands and shakes his head, thumping his spear into existence. He ought to clear his mind.
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Tomorrow comes, as tomorrow always does.
The passage of time means little to Xiao– the hours run by in mere moments and it is morning before he knows it. One instance the night sky blinks meekly at him. When he shuts his eyes, he feels the stars gaze upon his skin; when he opens them, he meets the sun’s glare and scrunches them shut.
How long did he sleep? There’s a dull ache in his arm from the awkward angle– he’d draped it carelessly over the rocky ground and learnt his lesson for the nth time. He cares not– his body aches always regardless, and another dull throb means nothing. Mere tears to the sea.
Xiao blinks at his palm, at the blood encrusted on his glove, and blinks. He’s angry today, he realises– full of vitriol, the whispers in his mind more poisonous– although the reason dodges him.
(Or perhaps, he dodges it.)
Xiao looks blearily around.
The sun is out today. It is low in the sky– dawn. He frowns, registering his surroundings. No, sunset. You must be setting off for home, chattily bidding your friends goodbye. Or perhaps you’ve already reached.
He starts to strain his ears to see if you laugh today too, but stops. He does not wish to make himself angrier.
It is unfortunate, then, that the weather is just as he likes it. Tiny clouds bumble through the skies like soft lambs. (He is reminded of Ganyu when she was little, and his temper cools slightly.) Moreover, there is a breeze buffeting eagerly at his back, ruffling his hair with its soft, eager fingers and begging him to spread his wings. He’ll hardly have to flap them, he knows, for them to carry him all over Liyue. He pulls off his muck-encrusted gloves, clenches and unclenches his fingers. It isn’t even humid today– the breeze seems to have lifted all the moisture off.
He sees a fox lapping at a puddle as he hikes down the hill, having pettily decided to walk. How vexing, for Cloud Retainer to have ruined his week to suddenly find herself pleased with all the world. Perhaps he should find the Traveler and ask for every little mint seed found on their travels to scatter all over her mountain. She is not there nowadays; she would never know until the rains arrive once more and there is suddenly nothing but cool green all around.
He sighs.
He sighs as he plods along, sighs as the finches cheep eagerly at him, and sighs as he hurls his spear into a lawachurl’s back. He sighs again as he bends down to pick it up, then again when he glances over the expanse the dusk-painted marsh, only to see just how far the inn is.
He reluctantly teleports.
Landing on his balcony soothes him slightly. He shakily exhales when he hears familiar laughter arise from the kitchen, along with the smell of oil and scallions. The breeze also carries a certain fragrance up to his nostrils, and he tips his head to smell it better. Some flower he forgets the name of. Or is it a resin? A new varnish to some piece of furniture? No matter. He’s about to make his way to his room when his ears prick up, and his footsteps come to a halt.
“When… think he’ll return?”
“You can… to him, he’d never… you.”
“...bad for calling…”
“How foolish!” (Verr’s voice is loud here, and incredulous. The last remnants of Xiao’s ire are fast replaced by curiosity when you retort–)
“Not even! I can’t bother him on his special day.”
“Do you even love him?” Huai’an teases, and Xiao’s anger sharply returns and twists itself into something larger and still more bitter. He walks quietly into his room and tosses his gloves into a corner, vowing to set off again as soon as he's changed into fresh clothes. Something tugs at him even as he fumes– and Xiao is no good at understanding his feelings, but this one he knows. It is a mixture of fear and sadness. A certain sort of anxiety, the herald of impending loss. He suddenly remembers you telling him something once– the difference between jealousy and envy.
It had come about in an uneventful way– you’d cast dirty looks at him all afternoon, once. It had been the sunniest day, and you’d been dappled like a fawn in the leaf-filtered light. Something inside of Xiao had been desperate to enjoy today, to remember it well– and so he’d finally asked what made you so furious. You’d laughed then, frown dissolving into playfulness, and told him you were jealous.
No, sorry, you’d said momentarily, looking thoughtful. He’d pulled the leaves off a strawberry and handed it absently to you. You’d held it up for him, and he’d declined, even as his lips brushed against it. You didn’t seem to notice– if you did, you didn’t seem to care. Somehow it had brought him both a sting of pain and immense relief when you’d tossed it carelessly into your own mouth and winced, then shrugged at the sourness, at the accidental kiss shared. I meant envious.
What is the difference? He’d asked, and sighed. What could possibly be the difference? Mortals and their million distinctions.
You’d smiled at him, knowing why he’d huffed. Jealousy is like, when you don’t want someone taking what’s yours, you’d explained. The way you don’t want me taking your food, so you jealously guard it. Envy is what I feel right now, which is wanting something someone else has. And what I want is your clear skin, because I’m breaking out and it looks kinda bad.
It looks fine, he’d said, handing you another fruit off the platter. The same occurred then– you held it up for him to eat, he shook his head, and you’d popped it into your mouth. A second kiss. You look the same, he’d insisted. Besides, you can have my food if you like.
I always look ugly?
You never look ugly.
Xiao yanks harshly on his sleeve. He first regrets lacing it with care, because all that happens is that he ends up roughly jostling his arm, then regrets it still more sorely a second time, when he recalls who made it.
What happens, he wonders, when you are afraid of someone taking what you do not have?
He’s hardly begun scolding himself for resenting some poor mortal sod before there is a knock on his door.
It is familiar– so familiar, that the moment he hears it, his shoulders soften and he calls out a gentle “enter!” before he knows it. He curses himself, then– his body responded sooner than his brain, when the embers of his temper still glow. (Not that it matters– they would never flare, not at you.)
Whatever twisted worm seethes in his rotten apple heart, though, stops thrashing as soon as you peek in through the door. You do nothing for a moment– just stare at him with narrowed eyes, and he wonders if you are as angry as he was, before he remembers you cannot see in the dark at all. A slim ray of amusement creeps into his heart, and makes itself known on his lips. You’re probably futilely searching for him still.
He draws his curtains open with a sharp flick of his wrist to let in the rapidly dimming light. You blink rapidly, then smile. So relieved and bright, eyes crinkling sweetly at the edges, that he feels something in his throat and turns away, pretending to fix the perfect laces of his sleeve.
He is determined to be angry, but nothing ever goes his way. And so he is unsurprised when his voice is soft as ever when he asks– “did you need something?”
“Woah,” you say, and he drops his sleeve and looks up, nonplussed. What sort of response is woah?
“Hm?”
Then you snort a little half-laugh, and it is like ice to a bruise. “You’re so cold today. Are you mad about something? Is this a bad time?”
Yes, he thinks, and shakes his head. (Then he remembers something you’d said to him once– you lie often– and puts it out of mind. After all, he tells himself, that is neither here nor there.)
“No,” he says, then reconsiders. “Perhaps. I fell asleep in the marsh for too long, and it did not rain again– and so I did not wake up.”
“Ah,” you say, and the familiar lilt in your voice whispers– how silly. He doesn’t mind– he knows it is an unconvincing lie, but you’re either too civil or too tactful to question it.
There is a lull in the conversation, then, and he feels something bitter creep onto the edges of his mind once more. This is not the first time he has killed an exchange.
He is about to apologise and turn you away when you start another.
“I bought some nice wines yesterday,” you say, snapping your fingers. He turns around. “That’s why I’m here, actually. Would you like to taste them with me?”
Xiao’s lashes flutter. Yes. No. “When?”
You grin. “Today! But dinner first, I think. I don’t think I should drink on an empty stomach– is it the same for the adepti?”
“A little,” he admits. Then– “When today?”
You tilt your head. “Now today, if you don’t mind. It’s dark out already.” You smile. “Shall we go?”
His heart lurches. He hums, and holds out a bare, clawed hand for you. You stare at it for a long moment before pressing your palm trustingly against his, and he jolts at the warmth– he’d forgotten he’d taken his gloves off.
His nails brush against your wrist as you pull quickly away. “Sorry,” you blurt, eyebrows furrowing in concern. He feels a flush creep up his neck and is suddenly glad for the dark. “Did I do something?”
“No,” comes his prompt answer, although he cannot tell if he lies now or speaks the truth. “A mere spasm. Shall we go?”
You nod, and cheerily grab onto his hand again. He draws the door shut behind you and locks it. In the next moment, he is with you on your balcony.
“It’s locked–” you start to say, and he waves his hand. The wind rustles, your door clicks, and Xiao slides it open. He throws you a glance, and you amusedly sigh.
“I had no clue it was that easy for you.”
“It is even easier if I do not care for the state of your carpet.” He nods at his muddy shoes as he slides them off and nudges them into a corner of the balcony with a foot. You carry yours to your perpetually full shoe-rack, eye it critically, then shrug and plop your footwear on the floor.
“You need a bigger rack,” he says. For some reason, you give the most mischievous little snigger, and he tilts his head. “What?”
“Don’t go around telling random women that, now.”
“Pardon?”
“Tsk tsk.”
He huffs, and chuckles despite himself. He cannot help it, not when you look so gleeful.
“What have I done now?” He asks, with the air of someone that knows they’ve lost.
You laugh in response, and he steps inside, stepping carefully around your carpet. Once he reaches you, you flick his forehead, so gently it is barely a tap.
“Rack can sometimes refer to boobs,” you explain, and his face burns at your nonchalance. He’s unsure of what to say in answer– he simply crosses his arms and attempts a look of disappointment. Whether he succeeds or fails is a mystery– what he does know is that you laugh again, and that something pleasant bubbles in his chest when you do.
“Well,” you finally say, saving him the trouble of responding. “You should put the polearm away and freshen up. I bought some new soap yesteday– it smells really nice. Kind of resin-y.” You hold up your arm for him to smell, then withdraw it, embarrassed. “It’s made of pine amber from Nod Krai.”
“That is a resin,” he murmurs. So that was what he smelled at the Inn before– it is indeed quite pleasant. It is unlike most mortal fragrances; he absently leans a little closer to catch more of the gently lingering scent. As he does so, he notices something– a little red mark on the side of your neck– and brushes his clawed fingers gently against it before he can quite register his actions.
“What is this?” he murmurs.
“Huh?” You clamp a hand over your neck but misjudge the motion, and Xiao’s nails catch against your throat for a moment before he draws them away, alarmed.
“Is there a scratch?” A love-bite?
“No, it’s nothing.” You snort, oblivious. “You didn’t scratch me. Sorry.” You exhale, and your breath brushes his cheek.
And you are suddenly too close– he is too close. Vision or no vision, he never ought to cross the distance between you, this thick yet invisible line– and particularly not in this listless way, inching nearer and nearer as roots to water, as devastation to unsuspecting innocents.
He lowers his lashes and parts his lips, an apology on his tongue–
You speak first. (And, he notices, you do not step away.)
“Anyway, the mark on my neck is from some sort of bug bite.” You wince. “I kept scratching it in my sleep the more it itched and it kind of drew blood– don’t be too mad.”
“Alright,” Xiao says, because he helplessly feels both guilt and anger slip from his fingers like sand the longer he speaks with you, and because he cannot remain angry with you for long regardless, and because he is eager to believe you.
He’s ashamed of the relief he feels.
He exhales. His heart aches a little as it beats, and he clenches his fist to feel his pulse jump about in his palm. Unclenches it. Blinks at his still-throbbing fingers. You hum to yourself, a refrain from some mortal song he has not heard in full, and suddenly you feel as though you are so far away.
You sound as though you are very, very near.
Xiao looks up to see you in the kitchen (when did you get there?), lit by a single lamp in the dark as you tip a large pot over a bucket. He wishes to hurry over and do it for you– scalding water is deadly to mortals, isn’t it? – but instead finds himself simply staring at your back as you slide the pot back into its place over the woodstove.
“Go wash up,” you say, cheery and guileless in the face of his bewilderment, and he nods. You do not notice it– do not notice him– and he suddenly feels a pang of the keenest agony. Words race through his throat, to the tip of his tongue– he opens his mouth to tell you, tell you everything, then shuts it. Tell you what? What is there to say? That he is stil possessed by his earlier feelings?
I don’t even know.
But then you speak, and even through the steam from the bucket, the air becomes just a little clearer.
“There’s spare clothes in there already– and a towel, of course.” You turn to him with a smile, and he remembers again that you cannot see him well at all. If you could, you would note his unhappiness– he hopes.
“I’ve lit the lamps in there as well, don’t worry,” you continue, “and I’ll light the rest while you freshen up. Oh–” you snap your fingers– “and heat up dinner. I got us food from Liuli Pavilion, so although it was a bit pricey, it's bound to be good.” You grin.
There is a lull in the conversation, then, because he simply does not know how to respond. It all feels like too much– spare clothes and a towel, and lit lamps that he does not need. Now that he’s singled out the smell of pine resin, it just won’t leave his nostrils. He finds that he likes it, because you smell of it. He decides he dislikes it, because it smothers your scent. In the end he decides he is simply a fool, and turns his back on your mentions of food and fine wine. His chest constricts when he suddenly recalls Huai’an’s teasing–
Do you even love him?
He feels lightheaded, then foolish for feeling so.
In the end, he decides on– “spare clothes?”
“Yes, from last time,” you say, now in the careful fashion of someone attempting to deduce something– someone who will perhaps ask questions later. He pretends not to notice. What use is wanting you to know he’s upset when he runs from your questions anyway?
(You lie often.)
“Are my visits truly that frequent?” He asks instead.
“Not as frequent as I’d like, certainly,” You respond, smiling ruefully, and he wonders if you ever stop. He hopes you do not.
You put the bucket of hot water by his feet then, and pat his shoulder. Then you dart off– presumably to freshen up as well– and he takes the chance to bury his face in his hands and rub it hard.
As he makes his way over to the bathroom, he sees your shoes by the door, and his in the balcony.
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
The clothes you’d laid out for him are clean and soft and ironed.
Xiao usually does not bother– adeptal commodities do not need the same care as mortal ones. He is used to carelessly scrubbing his garments and tossing them out in the sun to dry– they do not sustain the same damage, nor do they constrict him in any manner, and that is all that matters. Finding a wrinkle or two does not bother him– nearly all that sees him is fated to die by his hand anyhow.
But you’ve taken the care to iron them carefully. Hang them up prettily. He stands in your humid bathroom, nude as a child, and ruefully thinks– he feels like one, too. This is how it must have been, although he cannot (does not) recall his youth.
He reaches for the towel and pats himself dry. He does not need to– anemo is a most useful element– but there is something grounding in the ritual of doing things the manual way– something tender about walking you home instead of teleporting you, of taking the stairs at the inn instead of the lift, of getting to linger a little longer in the cooling shade of your adoring smiles, of your little laughs and mistakes.
He brings the towel to his hair and rubs. Gathers the longer strands in his cloth covered fingers to squeeze the water out of them. The towel feels heavier and limper than before when he hangs it up to tug his clothes on, and once he’s done he turns to the mirror to see someone he knows all too well.
And yet he looks so… out of place. His downy hair is mussed in the way mortal strands never are. His skin is porcelain, features too perfect. The lamplight catches on his gold eyes.
He looks like no one save for himself.
Xiao blows out the lamps.
Are my visits truly that frequent?
Not as frequent as I’d like.
He wonders if you lie.
(Do you even love him?)
A throb ghosts its ache-filled lips over the base of his skull, and Xiao weakly wills it away. His shoes are still on your balcony.
He presses his face into his palms, and the scent of pine amber fills his nostrils.
There’s spare clothes in there already– and a towel, of course.
He inhales, then softly exhales, suddenly conscious of his breathing.
He is in your house, is he not? He thinks back to your enquiring tone, your gentle expression. Scented steam wafts around the bath area still, and Xiao watches it catch the moonlight that just barely creeps in through the tinted window.
You cannot have lied, he hesitantly decides, and something eases in his chest. You cannot have, if you took the time to care for his clothes, making them look as new as when they first came into his possession. When you lit the lamps despite knowing there is no need– when you come to the inn in person whenever you can, despite not having to.
(Perhaps this is all that love is sometimes– a series of unnecessary actions.)
He thinks about his shoes still on the balcony and feels sick to his stomach. He presumes too much.
Xiao steps quietly outside, towel in hand, and pads soundlessly over to where he can hear you. You’re occupied with laying everything out on the coffee table in your living room. When he makes an enquiring hum, you glance back with a smile.
“The dinner table’s a mess right now– I hope you don’t mind us eating here?”
“No,” he affirms, absently surveying the spread. A few expensive dishes to his taste and a few to yours. In the very center you’ve placed the Tianshu meat, and he truly does not know how you’ll finish it all.
“Can you truly finish all this?” he can’t help but ask, and you whip your head around with an exaggerated frown. And somehow, suddenly, he finds himself biting back an abrupt, tiny smile.
“This is in no way a you situation,” you huff. “This is a we situation. You’re going to finish the things I got for you, alright? Or I’m keeping dessert hostage.”
“Dessert?”
“Your favourite,” you easily supply, taking the towel out of his hands. “What else?” Saying so, you walk over to your balcony to drape the towel over your drying rack.
“I did not think–” he starts to say, then trails off when he notices– his shoes are nowhere to be seen.
“Oh yeah, they don’t have almond tofu,” you say. He barely hears. Where are his shoes?
He turns sharply to the door.
There, wiped clean and nestled against yours–
“–so I made it myself,” you finish, sliding the door shut behind you. The sound of rattling glass panes shakes him out of his reverie, and his lashes flutter rapidly as he looks towards you.
“You did?”
“I did,” you say, looking really quite pleased with yourself. (It is adorable, he thinks, then erases the thought. It’s useless, however– he simply ends up thinking it a second time.)
“I actually…” you sigh, and plop heavily onto the couch. “I tried making the cake too, but I think I’ll have to stick to unbaked cheesecakes. It’s alright, though.” You shrug. “The baker did a much better job than I could have. And oh!” You exclaim, eyes widening a little, and he hopes he does not look as soft as he feels.
“Yes?” he prompts, and blushes at his own voice. He hopes you do not notice in the lamplight.
“Miss Xianyun offered to bake you a cake, too.” You smile warmly at the thought, and unbeknownst to him, he smiles a little too. “I had no clue she knew you, though! How odd. She offered when we both got caught in the rain when I was on my way to the bakery. It stopped raining soon after, so I was able to go ahead and place my order.”
“I see,” he says. How odd indeed, for her to show you such sudden kindness. But ah, it is likely an apology for having caused trouble for you before. He knows you must have your suspicions, but is glad when you don’t probe further.
“Oh, and–” you instead say– “my new coworker– do you remember him? The guy who got everyone cake a couple weeks back. He offered to come along to pick a gift, but I said no. I wanted to pick something myself.”
Xiao wonders when he’d begun smiling, because his lips are suddenly keen on settling themselves into a flat line. He forces them to stay as they are and hopes it does not look too maniacal. “I see,” he mutters, and congratulates himself on not sounding too curt. “For whom?”
There is a long pause, and you blink at him slowly, in the stupidest, sweetest way. He blinks stupidly back into the still air, and an owl screeches outside in the distance somewhere.
You make a sound in the back of your throat then, eyes widening in the loveliest manner. You look so sincerely astonished that he flushes in confusion. Clearly this is a most catastrophic social blunder. There is an obvious answer that he does not yet know.
Is it your birthday? Was this a treat to yourself? For a wretched moment, he racks his mind for an answer, but blanks horrifically.
He is about to resign himself to embarrassment when you laugh, so bright and soft and warm, and say–
“For you, of course!” And it is now Xiao’s turn to be baffled. You giggle helplessly at his expression as you continue. “Huai’an was right, you really– you seriously forgot? Xiao, it’s your birthday tomorrow.” You shake your head, still smiling, eyes aglow with mirth. “Happy birthday eve! Or something like that.”
Not even! rings in his head, louder and louder. I can’t bother him on his special day.
Do you even love him?
Xiao’s face burns.
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Dinner is a cheery affair.
After being the fortunate victim of your endless laughter and affectionate teasing, he finds himself seated beside you on your couch. You’re seated knee to knee at first, thighs brushing as you laugh, as you lean over to pile more food onto his plate and as he does the same for you. You seem to eventually get a bit tired of continually glancing to the side, though, and soon you’re shin to shin, facing one another as you eat with the dishes in hand. This way, when you cover your mouth adorably with your fingers and erupt into laughter, he sees your pretty eyes up close as they crinkle at the ends and sparkle with amusement.
When you pretend to make a grab at his food, he simply puts it on your plate. You protest– of course you do– and he finally agrees to take half. The conversation soon resumes its usual chatter, and Xiao is first amused when he sees you prop the couch cushions behind yourself for more comfort, then flustered when you lean over him to do the same for him.
And as frivolous as mortal conversations may get, he cannot chide them– cannot chide you. In the wake of his realisation, there is renewed hope within him that presents itself as curiosity– he asks a dozen little questions about the things you tell him, prods at length about your thoughts on Xianyun (he hopes he is subtle, and suspects he is not) and smiles when you click your tongue as you recall Xingqiu’s newest prank.
“At least he switched up his targets.” You sigh, but there is affection in your voice and your lips curve into the prettiest smile. His heart hurts. “It was Xiangling this time.”
He hums in response, and you continue.
“Although I think he’ll regret that soon enough. I heard she doesn’t want to cook for him for a while. Poor Xingqiu.”
“Shenhe would deem him richly deserving,” Xiao murmurs, and feels his ears turn warm as you laugh.
“She does! She looked so smug when she told me!” You snicker. “She also wanted to wish you an early happy birthday, by the way. And Xiangling wants to know if you mind a little vanilla in your almond tofu.”
“I do,” he answers truthfully. “Almond tofu ought to taste like itself.”
You snort. “I'd say you remind me of a coffee purist, but vanilla can get pretty overpowering at times. Did you know I drank a spoonful once?”
He grimaces, and you laugh again, and although it is dewy moonlight that creeps in through the tall windows to settle on your skin– so subtle in the lamplight that no mortal would ever see– it feels as though through you, it is the sun that has come out. He watches through his lashes– some things cannot be stared straight at, after all.
You soon bring out the liquor.
“This one’s just rice wine,” you say, holding up a bottle. “This–” you say, pulling another out of the cabinet, “is dandelion wine– this is what I bought the other day. And here’s some mead– made from zaytun peaches, I think? It was a gift, so I can’t remember where it was purchased,” you muse. “I also have sparkling wine and… uh, some bard gave me this extra sparkling wine, whatever that means. So I don’t really trust it.”
Xiao tilts his head enquiringly. “Some bard?” He echoes.
You nod innocently. “Yes, from Mondstadt. We met at the wineshop– he saw me looking around and told me this is the best, strongest wine Mondstadt has to offer. The staff escorted him out though.” You snort. “I wonder where he is now. Prison, do you think? For just a little while? Since I doubt he’s licensed.”
“Unlikely,” Xiao says, before he can stop himself. When you blink at him, eyebrows raised in curiosity, he sighs. “I may know this bard,” Xiao admits. “He is a little eccentric at times, but ultimately harmless… although his wines may be entirely too strong for your tastes.”
You look up, startled. “Truly?”
He hums. You regard the bottles before you, and he wonders what you are thinking, in the slow, easy way he always does with you. He knows there is no rush– your thoughts will be laid before him soon enough. You’re not in the habit of making him guess, after all.
“Well,” you muse. “In that case– do you want to give his wine a try?”
Xiao hesitates. Barbatos’ wines are potent– dangerously so. Were he to become intoxicated and lose himself… his stomach roils at the thought. He ought to decline.
A glance at you, however, weakens his resolve ever so slightly. The merest splinter. He realises then that declining a drink would mean explaining why– and piqueing your curiosity in a way that pertains to the incognito archon of Mondstadt of all people would be… undesirable at the very least. His resolve begins to crumble.
Perhaps a cup, then. Surely it cannot be enough to intoxicate him so soon– what could, after all? – and particularly not on a full stomach. Besides, Barbatos would not have given you the wine intending for you to drink it– he is well acquainted with mortals and is familiar with their caution. This is, in all likelihood, a present meant for him. And would it not be rude to decline a favour from an archon?
His resolve dissolves like a block of salt in water.
A cup won’t hurt, he reluctantly decides, and nods.
Mere minutes and just some sips later, Xiao feels himself beginning to sway.
It hits him all at once. Apparently, it can hurt. He has no time to panic, though– one moment he thinks only of how the wine smells a little unusual, and burns his throat with an unexpected ferocity– in the next, his vision narrows, and the inside of the glass is all he sees. The lamplight arcs into it, then through the transparent, wispy wine. The light dashes along the rim and flings itself into his eyes. His lashes are all aflutter, and one falls off. It is suspended in the air one moment– a single dark line against a sparkling background– and suddenly it is inside the glass.
It is overwhelming.
“I do not want it now,” he says automatically, and sets it down harder than he meant to. When he attempts to recline, his neck slams into the backrest sooner than he expects with a thump.
You sit up in alarm. He watches through slow, thick blinks as you hurriedly set your glass of harmless zaytun mead aside.
“Xiao?” Your fingers grasp at his shoulder and he shoves them off, feeling too much and too little. The whispers that had lain subdued all evening come awake, and he clutches his head with a soft groan, attempting to muffle the cacophony within.
“Xiao!” Your eyes widen, and suddenly your palms are on his cheek. One cradles his jaw and brings his head up to rest against your chest– the other brushes his bangs out of his face. He sighs– somehow it is a relief to have you so close. He feels as though he's a little bird that has flown for hours in the heat, and finally found a pond full of the coolest water.
You do not seem to feel the same. “Fuck,” you hiss, and he hears your voice in your throat, your chest. He catches a hint of your heartbeat then, and snuggles curiously closer. There it is. Steady as a drum. Fast as one too. He doesn’t think it normal, then remembers drums can be played slow too, and hums to himself. You’ll be fine, like a drum. Flawless logic. He’s a general, after all. He’s supposed to be clever. Strong too, and skilled. And he… he yawns, and slips lower.
His head flops onto your lap and you cry out again in alarm. Belatedly, he realises you keep telling him to let go. Let go of what? He’s grasping your shirt with one hand and has an arm around your waist. Which is he supposed to let go of?
“Be specific,” he grumbles.
“Huh?!”
He sighs. “Mortals… it is neither here nor here.”
“You–!”
And he’s strong too, he thinks, because he doesn’t like when you are afraid, and right now you sound truly worried. He hates it. Being strong means he can quell your anxiety, yes? Eliminate all that hurts you. He shuts his eyes and presses his nose into your thigh. When he inhales, a pleasant smell fills his nostrils– pine sap, or whatever. He huffs. He’s strong. He’s not good for much else, and he is a receptacle for all that is wrong with this world, but he’s– he’s the one with the Primordial Jade Winged Spear, bequeathed to him by the Geo Archon himself. He is Morax’s general, the Vigilant Yaksha. And sure, he’s not as good as Cake Man. He scoffs derisively.
But he’s– he’s. Surely. No, perhaps– perhaps there is something to him that Cake Man lacks. Yes, he remembers, a little smug now. Yes, there is. He can hear all that happens in Liyue. If you need him, you can always call for him, yes?
He realises you’ve stopped moving, stopped talking. It’s late at night, which is when mortals sleep. Good. You’re resting with a hand on his back and the other in his hair. He hates to confess– but that is also good.
There are several seconds of hushedness, then. He hears raucous laughter in the distance. Perhaps a neighbour’s party, or someone all the way across Liyue. The owls grow shriller outside, and he knows a parent has brought the owlets a meal. His fingers twitch. He finds he cannot move them as finely as he ought.
Into the silence, he whispers– “I may be drunk.” He’s confused, then, because that felt like a thought.
He starts again, louder. “I think–”
“Why does my coworker bother you?” You quietly ask.
Xiao stiffens. Stupidly, he wonders– when did you wake up? Did you read his mind?
“I…” he starts. He cannot think of a lie fast enough, but a million questions occur to him, chief among them being how did you know? And who told you? And weren’t you asleep? Don’t mortals sleep at night?
Soon after, he wonders– did he spew all his thoughts aloud?
Xiao suspects the answer is yes. He swallows, and tries for a lie anyway. His mind grasps desperately for anything within reach, but it is as drunk as its keeper and just as clumsy. And so all he ends up saying is–
“I lie often.”
I, he thinks, as soon as the words leave him, have scarce sounded more foolish before.
You laugh then, and he smiles, and you continue to laugh, even though it is a wobbly sort of laugh. An almond tofu of a laugh. As though it could turn to mush with one squish. And just as sweet. Perhaps sweeter. Surely sweeter.
He realises then that the voices in his head have fallen silent.
“I know,” you whisper. Your fingers tremble slightly as they comb through his hair, nails dragging gently against his scalp. He purrs, in the way some birds do, with a soft chirp at the start and at last a little click.
“I…” you start, then sniffle. He wonders if you’re crying, but cannot find the strength to glance up. “I want to ask you so many questions,” you whisper, in that still-shaking voice. Your chest brushes against his hair as you lean lower, and he exhales softly.
“But you’re drunk,” you say gently, stroking his cheek with a thumb. “You’re buzzed out of your mind.”
“Then now is a good time,” he answers, deciding to be truthful. His heart soars. It just feels so much nicer, to simply be laid bare before you. “Now is when I will be honest. It will be diffi– difficult later.”
“I know,” you murmur, and with some difficulty, he finally manages to look at you. Your eyes are huge, and gold, like his.
No, he realises. Those eyes are mine.
“But,” you murmur, so close to him he can see iridescence on your every eyelash, smell the zaytun mead on your lips. “When you’ll be honest later, you’ll have chosen it.” You press a kiss to your fingertips, and bring them to his forehead. His eyes sting.
“Let’s head to bed for now,” you say, gentler than gentle. In this moment, you are the very vision of softness, of all that is right in this world. He feels terribly selfish, for bringing his wrongs to you, even though your kindness cannot undo the cruelty he inflicted upon others, the cruelty inflicted upon him in the annals of a nearly forgotten time.
You do not know what you are doing, he wants to whisper. You seem to see the desperate warning in his eyes; gently, firmly, you shake your head.
“Drink some water first,” you softly say. Your hands are warm against his cheeks. “We’ll talk tomorrow, alright? Only if you’d like.”
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
When Xiao awakens, it is with your hair in his mouth.
There is a steady ache at the base of his skull. It throbs in beat with his pulse. This is not new; this he barely notices.
What he does notice with the force of a thousand suns however, is that it is early morning and he is in a bed that smells entirely of you– overwhelmingly so. Your scent permeates deep into every fiber of every fabric– the duvet that covers him, the pillow beneath his head.
Your clothes.
And mine, he realises. His racing heart soon outstrips the throb in his head– all else seems to fade in his perception. His senses register only you.
There’s your hair in his mouth, your head directly on his chest. He swallows and hopes you don’t wake up to the beat of his heart against his ribs– not when your legs are wrapped around one of his, and when you have an arm draped comfortably over him. He cannot see it– it is hidden by his duvet– but it is solid against his belly and your fingers nestle by his side. A couple have crept under him. They are warm– as warm as him. You are the same, balmy temperature, twined into one being beneath the blankets.
Worse still– when he attempts to shift away, he realises just where his hands are. One of them is beside his torso, warm and comfortable beneath a mess of pillows and old clothes you forgot to toss into the laundry. The other– the other is wrapped firmly round your waist, keeping you snug against him. You’re warm against him– overwarm– and he threatens to grow still warmer with the unyielding flush that smears carelessly across his features.
He shifts a foot up and tries to move the other to no avail. Your thighs resist– they lock tightly around one of his, and his face now feels as though it is truly alight when you hum in annoyance, breath huffing over his neck and collarbones. Your knees tighten round his leg warningly. Even in your sleep you are as firm as a bull, and he gives a shaky exhale along with a prayer to his lord, to extricate him from this position.
Although… he confesses, if only to himself, that he is extremely comfortable. Your steady breaths and warmth… the soft pillows that cradle him carefully. His lashes flutter. His wakefulness is fading softly alongside his surprise– sleep is beginning to tighten round him the way you have.
He brushes your hair aside with his free hand, and falls asleep.
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
When he awakens a second time, it is with his hair in your mouth.
He wonders if it is an incorrigible habit of yours, to creep towards the nearest source of warmth. When he blinks, his long lashes brush your neck. You're braced against him, sprawled on your belly, arms spread wide on either side. One tugs him absently closer and for a moment, his mouth lies flush to your collarbones.
He is forcibly reminded of a cormorant seated spread on a rock, damp wings facing the sun. You look a bit like it right now, he decides– eager for warmth, arms wide enough to embrace all the world.
He's unsure of what to think when he realises that includes him, too.
Your breaths tickle his scalp. Your legs are entangled in his, still, and he grimaces when he realises he fell asleep all over in spite of you being so close. He wriggles away, then, ignoring the crack that widens slowly in his chest. Tugs your arm off of him and slips away, then gently shoves your legs off with his hands.
When he pulls the duvet off himself, though, you sense the sudden movement in your sleep and tug it immediately back up, wrapping an arm tight round his waist. His breath catches in his throat.
He tugs at your elbow. You refuse to let go, and he buries his face in his hands. He can feel his pulse in his head, in the tips of his fingers. If all this were to amount to nothing– as selfish as it would be, he might have to keep his distance from you for a while.
He is not kind, however– not buoyant like you, not firm enough to brace himself sternly against the tides of his nature. Murmurs mount in his mind again, begging him to lend his mouth to them, his throat. His hands.
He clenches his fist– these feelings are too much. An old excuse comes along to shield him, then– you'll hurt them if you stay.
The wind cards your curtains aside, and your vision gleams in the morning light.
His breaths still.
How– how is this little thing meant to protect you? He exhales. Inhales. Exhales again. Your shield, he can't help but think, is softer and feebler than the freshest of leaves.
He's suddenly reminded of Wangshu Inn. Then, as he traces your soft cheek with a single, clawed finger, he remembers– he didn’t even get to try any dessert last night.
And it's because– because. He pauses, then runs his fingers through his hair. His nails dig into his scalp. That wine.
Curse that trickster. Very clever of Barbatos, to give him something that hits all at once. Xiao would never ordinarily drink enough to be even a little tipsy– he must have expected this, wily fiend.
What did he say? What did he reveal? Xiao racks his mind, but most of his recollections are of your soft lap and the too-bright light glinting gaudily off of his glass and– and. He feels his blood turn to ice.
Something about him lying, always. And– he grimaces. Morax. Did he tell you he felt–?
Envious, he tells himself.
You lie often.
You rouse beside him, and he recoils like a flame from water.
Your fingers twitch first– you shuffle a bit beside him and open your bleary eyes. Blink them slowly at his waist. Xiao observes your clumsy motions, your puffy face. He wonders if it is as puffy every day.
Let’s head to bed for now.
We’ll talk tomorrow, alright? Only if you’d like.
He hopes you've forgotten.
“Good morning,” you mumble. Your breath is warm against his hip. “Awake already?”
“It is well into the morning,” he answers quietly. As though you won't remember if he speaks softly and makes no sudden movements. “Around ten.”
“Oh.” You yawn. There's silence as you play a bit with the fabric of his shirt, then–
“Are you hungover?”
“Hm? No.”
“Oh,” you say again, and draw yourself up to sit on your knees. You're just a bit taller than him like this. Seated this way, with the light streaming in from behind, you look more divine than he is.
You tower over him, a bit. He feels himself quail ever so slightly.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” he murmurs. Suddenly, he does not wish to meet your eyes. “And I apologize for the inconvenience. It should never have been your responsibility; I will take my leave now.”
“No! I mean–” You blink, and put the hand you'd brought to his shoulder back down. “Won't you stay for breakfast?”
Xiao's answer is far more curt than he wished for it to be. “I do not need sustenance.”
In the silence that follows, Xiao finds amazement in how well your sheets are made. The careful embroidery and the sturdy cotton– linen? he cannot tell– is superb in a way that would have pleased his brother, were he here.
(He wonders if his siblings would have liked you. The thought is quick to vanish– they are not here, and you will be gone before long, and so ruminating on either is foolish when he knows he ought to think instead of the monsters that must crawl all over Mt. Xuanlian at this very moment– although then again, Mt. Aocang is close by.
Perhaps Chiwang Terrace– unless Lingyuan has taken care of it already.
As distress rises inside of him, clinging desperately to his sternum, he inhales and exhales and shushes it. There will be something to do– there is always something to be done.)
He is thinking of what, precisely, when you speak.
“That's fine,” you say, and his lashes lower further when he notes that your voice has lost its usual inflection. It is flatter, controlled. “That's alright. I need to eat though,” you chirp, and his chest aches at the faux cheer, the performance you put forth. Do you always do this? Put on a smile and coax all those around you into something right? He is ashamed to realise he does not know. After all, in every moment of your sadness to which he has borne witness, you have been honest with him. There was no guesswork, no complicated etiquette– he has held you close, and you have cried.
You jump out of bed. “I'll freshen up. You do so, too. And then could you check what fruit I have in the pantry? Or–” you snap your fingers– “we could have last night's leftovers. And dessert!”
Xiao blinks up at you, nonplussed, as you smile. Privately, he wonders why a smile is always deemed an expression of joy. As it rests on your lips now, it bleeds only rue.
“I–” he begins, then stops when he sees your fingers twitch. He nods. “Very well. But I will leave soon after.”
Your eyes widen for the briefest of moments, and then you are all sad smiles once more. “Sure.”
˚₊‧꒰ა ✦—————————————✦໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Xiao does not know how the minutes pass, but he soon hears your door creak open. Your kitchen window is open, and so Xiao absently predicts what happens next– the way your home is ventilated lets the wind rustle into the hallway and slam your door shut behind you. It gives a soft, dismayed roar, and the house stills once more.
He hears you click your tongue. Some moments pass before you emerge, and he shuffles aside to let you lean against your counter and reach over for whatever it is that you’d like. You brace yourself against it, fingers gripping the granite. As you survey your kitchen, Xiao surveys you.
You freshened up rather quickly today. He can see a damp spot of perfume on your shoulder from your unusually clumsy fingers, and the strands of hair that frame your face are a little damp still. You do not look as composed as before. It is a bit ironic– you’ve had more time to steel yourself, and yet.
“I’m not really hungry right now,” you say, after a pause. “Last night’s dinner was pretty heavy.”
“Mhm.”
A beat again. Then–
“Did you enjoy it?” You ask.
“The dinner?” he returns, and stiffens when your lashes lower. The question has left you with an opening to direct the conversation elsewhere, into territories that worry him more than they should.
It ought to matter little to Xiao– in fact, a mortal's lost company ought not matter at all. But he has softened more than he'd realised– something gentle has worn away at his hardness, and he feels a little ashamed, and then a bit defiant, for wanting something tender to lean against, for once.
His heart speeds in his chest, purrs against his ribs like a cat attempting to soothe itself. It is not your fault that Xiao is quick to cling– quick to latch onto any softness offered, naively press his palms to warmth and let it creep up his arms to his chest. He has done it before– many times, in truth.
And, he reassures himself, those losses shall prove to be far heftier in time.
Something quiet and reasonable asks– what is there to lose today? It is squashed by his fear that says– something, something. Something.
He watches through unwittingly narrowed eyes as you part your lips, then lick them. You do not meet his gaze. Yours strays lower instead, to his waist.
My hands, he registers, when you sidle closer to take one of them into both yours, your callouses brushing against his. You squeeze. Gentle at first, then tighter.
“If you teleport away,” you whisper, “I'll scream. Really loud, okay?”
He's not sure what to do with that. When he tells you this, you meet his eyes and smile, and his heart slows ever so slightly, more drum than cat.
Yours, he remembers, had sounded a little like that too.
“Last night,” you say, looking earnestly at his face, “you said some things. You don't have to tell me about them again if you want, but if you would, it would– it would be nice.”
“Nice?” Xiao echoes. You nod.
“You said something about hating my coworker. And you mumbled a bit when I took you to my bedroom.” His face ears turn pink, but you plow on.
“And– and. I'm starting to realise I'll have to do this myself.” Your lips part round a nervous little laugh, and your breath fans against his cheek. Your eyes glimmer in a way that suggests they wish to sorely turn away– to look anywhere but at him– and for the first time, Xiao feels a sense of camaraderie with you. “And… it should be fine as long as you don't run off. We'll be fine. Yes? Yes.” You let out a shaky exhale.
His voice splinters when he starts to speak, burdened by the hope it bears. It would embarrass him, but only if anything could draw attention away from your anxious, eager expression. Your eyes crinkle in worry but a small smile plays shyly on your lips, and Xiao suddenly wishes words did not exist, so he could simply kiss you and be done with it.
“What?” He breathes, and you huff and dig your nails into his gloves, fingers trembling.
Something seems to thrum inside of him and inside you, and resonate impatiently into the room. The kitchen seems a little brighter when you shake your head and steel yourself.
“Okay,” you say, breathless. “At least I'll be the first to go. I'm going to tell everyone you're a coward, mind you.”
“You won't,” he replies. “You don’t.” You never do, and you never leave him hanging, or make him guess, and he frees his fingers then to wrap his hands round yours instead.
His heart soars. This is assurance– this is a guarantee. And if you intend to bear him, to let him be your ruin–
Xiao does not know whether to first apologise or confess. It matters not, though, because you resolve even this trouble.
“Yes,” you say, and he swears he feels his chest giddily expand like a balloon. When a gust of wind billows round him, he lets his buoyant heart be pushed closer to yours. When your smile turns bolder, warmer, he knows he's lost whatever game he didn't know he was playing. And– it's alright if you win always, so long as he gets to see your smiles.
“Yes,” you say, and he brings his fingers up to your cheek, because you are real, and you are here. His breath hitches. “Because I love you. And I said it first.”
There is no stopping his smiles now. He huffs a laugh, first relieved, then joyous (perhaps a bit triumphant, too) and stops suddenly, when he sees you've drawn even closer. His palm fits snugly against your cheek as his claws settle in your hair.
Would that he could halt this moment, to look at you carefully. Engrave this instant into his lungs so he can feel it with every breath. For the first time in a long time, things have gone his way without the slightest price to pay– without even the slightest fear of all going to ruin. Things are just easier with you, he realises.
Time is her own master, though, and does not deign to even slow for him (and he is half amused and half irked by the fact that he can find something to rue even now). Perhaps, he muses, this is the small price she demands in exchange for the years of comfort to come. She makes no compromises– she is difficult that way– and disagreeable often.
What is most agreeable, though, is the first brush of your lips against his.
"Is this okay?" You whisper, right against his mouth. And oh, now time slows, somewhere deep in your eyes. It is no wonder that it stops for you and not him– you are so lovely that the morning sun itself seems to bend its rays as it casts them, so they twist and squirm to engulf you. You are so bright, and so warm against his hand, and your body is flush against his.
"Yes," he breathes. There was nothing else to say. And because he is impatient, and a little afraid of waking up– and because, he reasons, you have asked him in the past to let himself be selfish– he kisses you.
(And if he smiles when he does so, you do not point it out. When his eyes are slow to open once it is over– once you have drawn away from his insistent lips and turned warm at the brushes of his fingers against your hips– a look at him is all it takes to reassure you. He is going to stay.)
hello hello!! thank you to everyone who read this + has reached this far!! here is a smooch for your troubles (˵˘ ³˘˵) <33 !!
happy xiao day everyone!!
reblogs are vv appreciated !! they help a lot w circulating a fic you see (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡♡
In which Flins finds it in himself to gracefully bid you adieu (and wishes he didn't).
(Lovesick series- Kyryll Chudomirovich Flins.)
Flins x Gn!Reader, 18k words.
Everyone, you once again have beloved @hhhecates to thank for beta reading this fic!!
Also, a warning: ginger in excess is not good for dogs. You should, in general, always check with a vet before you introduce something new to your dog’s diet. Tldr do not give your dogs ginger. Anyway, you can go read the fic now <333
✦—————————————✦
Part I: Lovesick.
✦—————————————✦
You first meet Flins when you step on him.
Alas, when a quickly descending foot flatly makes contact with a cylindrical object, said object is bound to roll and send the possessor of the aforementioned foot first flying, then crashing roughly to the ground.
This is not an ideal situation during the best of times. Unfortunately you're surely only halfway through the very worst of times, which is why the situation is made altogether far more dire.
There are eight enemies behind you. There isn’t a single weapon on you, because it’s on one of the Wilderness Hunters behind you instead, embedded stupidly in its waist like a third arm. Or. Well.
You doubt even the calmest Ratnik you’ve met could joke her way out of this, let alone you.
“Well,” you rasp. Your throat hurts and there’s a dull ache all along your right side. Getting slammed into a rock generally does that to one. A tree is also a good option if no tall rocks are available. You’re pretty sure the agony in your hand means you’ll never use at least a couple of your fingers ever again. Just a little longer. You clutch your head. Hopefully there’s another Ratnik at the closest Tideseal Stone– you’re not sure you can operate it in your current condition.
Truth be told, you’re not sure you can even make it there.
Your fault for dallying, for not being cautious enough, for letting your newly-engaged patrol partner slip off to celebrate with her fiancée, for not carrying an extra lamp. You never expected so many of the Wild Hunt to lurk along– not when you’d cleared the area out just two days past.
Clever creatures. It was a bigger party then, and they must have hidden themselves away. You wipe away a sliver of drool off your chin– heavens, everything hurts.
Not so far… Tideseal Stone…
You’re not sure if those are your words, your thoughts or your prayers.
You’re also not sure where the lamp you just tripped over went. Curses. You needed that thing. But ah, does it mean a Ratnik–?
No matter. You’ll have plenty of time to mourn them later. You hope.
Taking a step back, you attempt to steady yourself on your feet, but stumble. Expecting to slam into the cool sand beneath, you brace for the impact– but warm hands grab your shoulders instead.
You slump heavily against a tall, warm body and an arm holds you close by the waist, with little to no effort spent. The stranger rests a hand firmly on your hip, fingertips brushing your thighs, keeping you carefully in place.
Through your spinning, hazy gaze, you watch an arm extend from behind you, clad in a dark sleeve, a gloved hand at the end of it. It holds the lamp from before, and crackling energy swallows the monsters before you whole.
✦—————————————✦
Your colleague, Nikita, is the one to bring you home. He’s so incredibly sweet– an immense shame, because you’re pretty sure he’s married.
Recovery took long– you slept several hours a day and then all night first at the Ratnik base in Nasha Town, then in your own home (where you insisted to be moved). Your suspicions of Nikita being married are soon proven correct when he comes to check on you– evidently the man is far older than you thought (you now regret being friendly and informal) and also has a young son, Illuga, that could be anywhere from six to sixteen (you cannot tell children apart.)
The two make for a very sweet sight– Nikita brought along a small basket of food and wine, and little Illuga (how old is this boy?) gently set some flowers in your arms before affixing his father with a stare that plainly said– ‘can we go now?’
You thank them with far more formality than Nikita is used to seeing from you. Clearly he makes a note of this– his smile widens for the slightest moment. (This makes you want to die.) He then tells you he’s soon to become the new Sergeant Major of the nearby Lightkeepers, and you sheepishly congratulate him. (Thank goodness Lempo Isle is conveniently supplied with many very lovely cliffs.)
You very sincerely tell Nikita you hope he becomes the next Starshyna, and he laughs, knowing precisely why you wish it.
“Not to worry,” he amusedly tells you. “There’ll be no shortage of heroes around, even with me posted far away.”
Your face warms. “To be sure!” Why did you say that. You sound like you hail from an old (and poorly written) Fontainian play. There’s a small pause before you remember– “ah– I’m sorry I can’t really offer refreshments in my present state.” ‘Present state?’ What the fuck?
Nikita bites back a laugh. You hope he dies on the job. (You don’t.)
“No worries,” he reassures. “I’ll wait on your porch while you freshen up. A friend will bring over some snacks and drinks– he’s coming over from Speranza with only the finest for you. We asked Katya for your usual.”
“Oh! That’s… really nice of you, Sir.”
He chortles this time, clearly unable to keep it in. “Hey now, I haven’t been promoted yet– but I’ll make you my guest of honour if I ever throw a party, how’s that?”
“Oh, I couldn’t! That should be Illuga!”
Illuga looks at you, spooked at the mention of his name (seriously, how old is this kid?) and huffs as his father musses his hair.
What a mess.
Nikita smiles and tells you the two will be outside. You hear a whiny “can I go now?” right as the door clicks shut behind them.
✦—————————————✦
You don’t know what to wear. You do not wish to set a single foot outside your house– nor do you want to let even a single more foot in.
Deciding to just pull something casual on, you step out, determining to tell your saviour you’re simply too tired for conversation today when you notice who he’s standing with and quickly change your mind.
Now who could that be?
You barely have time for a proper ogle when you’re interrupted.
“Ah, my friend!” Nikita smiles, and you instantly resent your mussed hair and unironed clothes. Oh, you look like the most veritable used tissue next to this– woah. You didn’t think anyone could ever entice you this quick, and yet– but maybe. Just maybe. It’s probably his eyeliner– and oh–
“Friend?” Nikita smiles gently at you, and you grimly conjure up the very cliff you’ll leap off tonight in your mind’s eye. “This is the man I spoke of. His name– you may call him Chudomirovich.”
Chudo-what?
Man, what the hell. Parents nowadays– and you thought Chlamydia was a bad name.
“Hey!” You smile warmly at Chud, then instantly regret it when he gives you a smile and a bow. Who is this man? And is he also your superior? Fuck.
“Hello.” He tips his head and the very gentlest of smiles graces his pretty lips. “I’m very pleased to make your acquaintance. Please, let us drop all formalities– we are all Ratniki. We are all friends.” When you nod relievedly, his smile broadens. “As such– you ought to call me by my given name, of course. No need for honorifics.”
Your smile wavers. His eyes twinkle.
What was his name? Crap. What was his name? Chumorvich? Chudmivoich?
Yours is surely soon to find itself carved roughly onto a headstone. Argh.
“Of course!” You smile gently, and he beams in return. He’s suddenly not as beautiful to you as he was a second ago. In fact, he’s the ugliest thing you’ve lain your eyes on in a while. His ashen skin? Gross. What is he, a vampire? And the red in his eyes makes them look infected. He should see a doctor. The way he dresses– surely no one needs that many belts and bits and bobs. And his eyes?
You bite back a shudder. Creepy man. You can’t wait for them to leave. You’ll entertain them for some minutes, then make up an excuse–
“Why, my friend.” Chum smiles. “Do invite us inside. Worry not– we come well armed with supplies. It is our intention to spruce up your home, as well as make you a meal. Surely you’ve been deprived of hearty sustenance since your bedrest?”
You deflate. Well. A free clean and good food… surely you can tolerate Chum for a bit longer. You can’t help but give him a relieved smile, which he gently returns. “Of course, Ch– friend! Come inside.”
✦—————————————✦
Nikita leaves early in the evening. He was apparently supposed to leave sooner– you hear him giggling and telling Chum he has to make a quick trip to the greenhouse on the way, although flowers aren’t likely to appease his wife. Chum wishes him luck.
You can’t help but notice that a considerable portion of his time here has been spent in the pursuit of coaxing his name out of your lips. He’s hidden around the house pretending to not hear your calls of um, everyone? You guys? He’s given you a little trinket and leaned closer in as you muttered a quick thanks. By the sea, he even made you dinner– a large one too, so you could have the leftovers tomorrow, although he wasn’t very keen on tasting or having it with you, preferring instead to sip reluctantly at a wine glass. (The dinner was mediocre. You miss the lunch they got from Speranza’s, but alas it is well on its way to the exit.)
Currently, you’re occupied with clearing up the table and doing the dishes. Chum pretends to be very busy with his hundred little belts– you’re sure he’ll chivalrously offer to do the dishes in the hopes that you’ll thank him, but you’re confident you can keep the cliffs for another day.
You’re too busy mulling the cliffs over when you realise you’ve dumped the dishware into your sink before clearing out any scraps first and sigh. You’re about to heft them out when you’re checked by his gentle voice calling your name.
“Allow me,” he chides. “You are yet recovering.”
“It’s alright, friend.” You sigh, and he smiles. “You’re a guest– you’ve cleaned my home and made me food, which is more kindness in one day than all the Lightkeepers together have shown me in my lifetime. Seriously–”
“Your fortitude does you credit, but your body will only suffer if you keep this up.” Chum frowns. “You have traces of abyssal corruption and you know it– yes, they are minute, but present still. Please, rest.”
You laugh. “Chum, corruption is a heavy word for a literal scratch. Most of the damage I took was from being chucked around, which. Ow, but still. I only got a really tiny abyssal scratch– why are you smiling?”
His smile widens. “No reason, dear friend. Pray rest.”
Well, if he insists.
“I’ll be on the couch, then, my uh. Good pal.” You wave, then confusedly pat his shoulder. It’s only when you’re snuggled on the couch, too cozy to move when your eyes widen as you realise–
You forgot to thank him.
You shrug. No matter. You’ll thank him once he’s done doing the– your dishes, you figure. No point in exerting yourself.
Argh. You bury your face in your hands. This sucks. So much. He’s such a nice man, truly, and you don’t even remember his name.
Think, you sternly tell yourself. Think, think. Think. Think…
✦—————————————✦
When you awaken, it is afternoon, and you are in your own bed. You know it is by the quietness outside– Nasha Town is never placid, save for lunchtime.
There’s a note on your bedside table, weighed by a bottle filled with warm water (warm water! Maybe he is handsome after all.) The fireplace is also warm– there’s powdery ash coating and smothering the now nearly dead embers. (He bothered to make sure you were carefully tucked in with a fire in the grate! Forget Nikita. You can make do with Chum.)
Thoroughly charmed and smiling to yourself, you grab the note and amble over to the window, because Chum dear even shut your curtains for you– and only halfway, to still let some light in. You grin at the little carved blunthorn rhino perched upon your mantelpiece. Really, now that you think about it– Chum is an exceptionally good looking man.
Stumbling over the last few steps, then seating yourself on the windowsill, you shove your dishevelled hair out of your eyes and begin to read the note he left you.
Dear friend, it reads.
I hope my note finds you well rested. I write to assure you– you need not worry in the slightest of the state of your hearth, for I have taken the liberty to make a final cursory sweep of it and recondition any out of order appliances. The tap in your bath room leaks no more, and your doors have all been carefully oiled.
The ingredients to your next meal have been already yarkd– all you need do is assemble them and break your fast. I hope you find my preparations satisfactory.
Ah, and as I found you in a slumber too deep to be roused from, I reluctantly bore your spare key upon my person and locked the door (with care) on the way out. It is yet with me. If you wish to retrieve it, you may find me at the offices of the Ratniki.
Yours faithfully,
Chum.
✦—————————————✦
Fuck Chum.
First drawing you in like the little worm he is, then hitting you with ye olde Embarrassment Beam. You didn't know lighthouses had an option for those. Worse, he made you dig through an old dictionary for the word ‘yarkd–’ it apparently means prepared.
So much for his fancy, gentlemanly bullshit– he did some lousy meal prep is all, and the meal he prepped was a dry as hell sandwich.
“And it didn’t even taste that good!” You grab the little rhino carving and glare at it. It glares back. You put it back down.
Argh.
You know you’re being irrational– you know you are. You don’t need the rhino to reproach you too.
Yours faithfully, Chum.
Archons, you heard that in his voice.
How did he find out? Did you sleep-talk? Did you let it slip somehow? You were just so tired– and that’s probably exactly what he wanted.
“Go to hell, Chum,” You hiss, skin still prickly and warm as you drag a coat out of your closet. You can’t exactly leave your key with some stranger– ah no, ‘upon some stranger’s person’ after all. Stupid idiot. You’re going to have to change your locks after this. But first, Chum needs to be thanked.
✦—————————————✦
Chum had better like your thank-you offering.
The flowers are beautiful– bunched up in a redolent little bouquet (albeit the smallest you could find– spite is a powerful force) and yet.
The small, fragrant bouquet– which your new friend would probably call a nosegay– was unexpectedly expensive. Quite a bit more so than its larger, showier (but far less aromatic) cousins. Of course, you weren’t going to embarrass yourself before the beautiful Richeza, so you laughed the price tag off (with tears in your eyes) as you handed her your mora.
You’ve known Chum for just one (1) day and yet he’s already cost you– literally and figuratively.
With your dignity already extinct, you’ve decided to just come clean: you do not know his name. You’ve tried really hard to puzzle it out, but you quit.
You’ll just have to describe him to your fellow Ratniki and hope for the best.
✦—————————————✦
“Flins?” You yell. “His name is Flins?” Saying so, you jerk the bouquet (nosegay, his voice whispers in your mind) up to your shoulder to chuck it out the door of the Lightkeeper base before remembering the price tag and hurriedly bring your arm down.
Maybe you should keep it for yourself– or gift it to Richeza. Or your poor patrol partner who you just accidentally yelled at.
Watching her blink rapidly, you suddenly deflate Argh, your sweet, sensitive friend. Where is her fiancée when you need her? “Oh– sorry, I didn’t mean to–” you start to say, and suddenly see her eyes crinkle as she’s overcome.
“No!” She cries. “I’m sorry! If I hadn’t snuck off that day to celebrate– I’m so sorry!” Saying so, she launches herself into your arms and begins to weep in earnest. You’re very touched– and simultaneously very startled, and so you accidentally jerk your hand up, sending the nosegay (bouquet, bouquet!) limply flying a foot or two away and out the door.
Lovely, you think. I’ve bagged the honour of meeting that gentleman with a wilting bouquet and snot on my clothes.
You shut your eyes with a wince as it arcs to the floor, choosing instead to hug your friend and let bygones be bygones when a soft rustle makes you glance up again.
Chu– Flins stands at the threshold, his towering body casting a looming shadow your way. He seems to have caught his gift just in time. When he sees you still busy with your friend, his eyes widen in a polite apology and he steps outside and away.
Turning your attentions onto your friend, you quickly dry her tears. A few quick quips and haughty reassurances (“hah! Of course I recovered fast, can’t have you canoodling on the job. I’m a well respected third wheel, you know.”) have her quickly laughing again. Once you’ve waved to her and watched her leave with her new temporary squad (and her beloved. Everyone has a wife nowadays, where’s yours?), you turn to face Flins.
Honestly, he’s as pretty as any wife. His eyelashes… no, focus.
He wears a curious expression as he faces you. His aristocratic brows have the faintest arch to them, and there is a smile playing somewhere along the outline of his lips.
He makes for an elegant figure– an arm pulled behind him, the other hand holding the bouquet carefully up to the sun. You see some lightkeepers grin and wink as they walk past behind him, and realise what it looks like.
“Hey.” You plod over with a resigned sigh, and his eyes narrow further. His lashes, you realise, are ombre like his hair, and the sunlight filtering through to his gold eyes makes them look like…
Like wheels of cheese, you sternly tell yourself. You refuse to pine after Mister Chum Flins.
“Hello.” He smiles. “Without preamble– I first wish to return to you your key.”
“Ah, thank you.” That’s nice of him, but who knows what he could have done with it in just a few short hours. To his credit however, he seems like a friend of Nikita’s, which is probably a good sign. But then again, you shouldn’t trust some strange men, no matter how good loo– seeming.
“Secondly,” Chins continues, “I have a small question; albeit it may be a little improper.”
Your own eyes narrow, and not just because of the sun. “Go on.” Yeah, you should change your locks.
Flins bows in thanks. “My thanks. I simply wished to enquire– are you not angry with your friend?”
Huh?
“Er– a bit, I suppose,” you say, nonplussed, then feel a bit embarrassed for thinking he was about to ask you out, as if it wasn’t you who got him the bouquet to begin with. “But she– that’s– she couldn’t have known what was going to happen.” You shrug. “And it wasn’t that bad, either.”
“Indeed.” Flins’ eyebrows raise in amusement. “Not quite that bad– just far worse. I had to bring you to the Lady Moonchanter before returning with your limp body to Nasha Town– and I confess, I did not think you would survive. But perhaps the moon does work miracles.”
HUH?
You blink up at him, startled, and his lips twitch ever so slightly. You would never have noticed it were you not so close, the tip of the bouquet in his hand close enough to brush your collarbone.
And now you’re left feeling worse than before, because as it turns out, not only did he take care of you and fix up your home– he’s apparently also the one that rescued you and took you as far as Hiisi Island, before bringing you back to Nasha Town. And you now owe the young Lady Moonchanter a favour– she’s a mere teenager, burdened more by her duties than even her heavy antlers that are bound to only grow.
And you do not remember either of their names. The poor girl probably used her own blood to heal you, and yet you can’t recall what she was called. Luna? Laura? Moon above and Moon below, you’re the worst sort of scum– well maybe not the worst in Nod Krai, but pretty damn terrible.
All you can do is hang your head and stare at the ground. Any passerby glancing at your defeated form would think you’re getting broken up with, what with your clenched fist and slumped shoulders.
But if nothing else, you refuse to be ungrateful. Setting your jaw, you square your shoulders and look Chum in the eye.
“Sir,” you say. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t quite catch your name when Nikita first mentioned it– and it was rude of me to call you Chum. I really am sorry.” Chum’s– no, Flins’ lips raise into a smile, his lashes lowered with north and good humour, and you feel a little lighter as you continue. “And, honestly, I can’t remember the Lady Moonchanter’s name either. Was it Luna?”
Chum laughs and laughs.
When you head home that day, the sound of it rings in your ear, and you get the feeling that to hear it is a distinction in itself. And when you lie in bed, belly full and warm with the mediocre meal he sent you back with, you turn to the rhino on your mantle and meet its glare.
“Kyryll,” you tell it, and yawn. “His name is Kyryll Chudomirovich Flins.”
✦—————————————✦
You like to think Kyryll Chudomirovich Flins really quite likes you. No, not in that immature way– it’s just that he invites you to his home sometimes (you did not expect it to be the Final Night Cemetary) and sometimes he’ll come visit with more mediocre food and even fragrant flowers.
You find out he has a penchant for rocks. Shiny rocks. And bones. You find the former fascinating. The latter left you more than a little befuddled, and then… afraid.
Which leads to you standing on his doorstep one morning. The morning mist is cold, but your spine runs chillier. You should've brought a thicker coat– but what you need more is an answer.
“Mr. Flins.” Your knuckles sharply rap against the door of his crypt of all places. “Mr Flins. Sir.”
There's several still moments, punctuated by a clang, and then rustling. When Flins finally opens the door, he's mussed and without his coat. A dog runs out, whining. What the hell was a dog doing in there? Or even out here?
“Mr Flins–”
“Dear friend.” He gingerly lowers the accusatory finger you've pointed at him with a hand. His palm is as smooth and firm as metal, and his skin is warmer than anything should be on this miserable island. “What brings you here?”
“Mister Flins–”
“You may call me ‘Flins,’ or even simply ‘Kyryll.’”
You narrow your eyes. “I doubt I'll ever offer such fond familiarity to a gravedigger.”
Flins heaves an exasperated exhale. “First you accused me of being a vampire. Then–”
“It makes sense–”
“Now you call me a gravedigger.”
“Mr Flins, you play with bones.”
“I do not– how, pray, does one come up with such misbegotten accusations?”
You narrow your eyes and try to peek past him into his… house, but he slams an arm in the way, looking more irked than you've ever seen him. Or perhaps ‘irked’ is a strong word– just not as calm. He's almost smiling with that eerie face of his, and here in the gloom it truly does not look the slightest bit handsome.
You clench your jaw. “What are you hiding from me?”
“...the bones I was playing with.”
“Where do you get them?”
Flins pinches his nosebridge. “My dear friend, are you truly asking if I ethically source my bones?”
“Yes.”
He huffs. “If you really must know…” he trails off. “Well, you'll not believe me. Why don't you wait a little longer? I am almost certain we will witness a demonstration shortly.”
That's suspicious. Does he want your bones to play with, too? You're suddenly glad you remembered to change the locks.
You sigh. “Sure.” Well, here goes. If nothing else, you know you're strong. This vampire here's not the only one with a vision.
✦—————————————✦
The hours come and go. The ‘demonstration’ does not. Flins dodges all your questions, insistently claiming it will happen presently.
Flins serves you tea. He boils it for a while, seeming to enjoy the aroma wafting around his tomb. It’s only when your longing glances at the tea set become too obvious that he pours you some. It’s piping hot and immensely bitter. You’re too civil to sigh.
“So.” You plop your chin in your palm, elbow braced against his dinner table. “Where’s your defence?”
“My bones are ethically sourced,” he promises. “That is all I can offer at present.”
You sigh. “Okay.”
Scratching your shoulder, you pick up a book to read. It’s Liyuan, and a bit old. You trace the embossed words along the title– Golden-Winged King. The damp has aged the paper faster, making it thin and powdery. When you open it, the spine comes clean off and falls onto your lap. When you look up at Flins in horror, he tells you it ‘tends to do that.’
Once you’ve made yourself still more comfortable, Flins excuses himself away, telling you he needs to urgently write some reports. He vanishes into a separate section of the crypt. Before you can make up your mind about whether or not you ought to follow, he returns with his things and keeps you company.
He writes. You read. He writes. You eat. He writes. You ask him where the bathroom is, and you swear you see his eyes widen for a moment. Is he one of those weirdos that doesn’t like people needing to use his bathroom? You just needed to pee, but by the moon, you’re going to take the fattest–
“The lavatory… Well, this is a crypt.”
You deadpan. “You don’t have a bathroom?”
“Friend,” he protests. “I do. It is simply a tad cold and dark. Allow me to make arrangements before you make use of it.”
Ah. Well. You refuse to be embarrassed. He’s the one that insisted you stay, so if he has to go check if he flushed and maybe air it out a little, that’s on him.
What a weirdo. You bet he didn’t put down the toilet seat either. How odd, to act like a gentleman and yet not really be one?
Flins returns soon and politely points you to the bathroom. You really need to know the whens and the whys of a crypt having functional plumbing. Stepping into the corridor, you see it’s not that bi– ah, there’s a turn. It would appear it is, in fact, that big.
How does all this work? Does he have a septic tank or does he dump everything into the ocean directly? Where does he keep his filters? You don’t think you passed a kitchen on the way here, but the bathroom was quite close.
It’s a bit ominous. Right at a dead end. You glance back down the dimly lit hallway to the base of the L, where the… living room is. Ha. A living room in a tomb. Ha ha ha.
The loo is uneventful. A bit dusty and dry, as though it hasn’t been in use– which isn’t possible, unless he has a second secret loo he plays with his bones in. This is plausible, since there’s a whole other hallway, and possibly even more that you haven’t yet had a chance to snoop through.
Adjusting your clothes, you lower the lid (to teach the ‘gentleman’ some basic bathroom etiquette) and flush. When you try to wash your hands, though, you find that the sink handle won’t budge.
When you finally wrench it open, the faucet makes a horrible gurgle, then spits out no small amount of sludge, before some clear water finally comes into view. You reach over for a bar of soap and your fingers meet dusty, cool marble. What the hell.
Was it so hard to just let you take a piss in his actual loo? What the hell is this?
Well, it’s a good thing lightkeepers carry soap on them, in case… well you’re not sure since you’ve never needed one, but it was in the kit bag HQ gave you, along with some knives, flares, a tinderbox, rope, candy– candy?
“Ooh.”
“Dear guest? What are you doing there?”
You hurriedly shut your bag and run the tap. “Washing my hands.”
Flins does not respond.
✦—————————————✦
More waiting. The dim and gloom swallow time whole. You’re not hungry, nor thirsty (maybe that’s all the ginger cookies and the bitter tea) and much to your surprise, not exactly bored, either.
You notice Flins has a few cabinets strewn around, and when you ask what’s in them, he looks almost pleased as he introduces you to an old coin or a shiny rock, carefully wrapped in strips of plain silk, and encased in various boxes.
Your earlier doubt is quickly transformed into reluctant pity. He clearly really wants to talk about all his shiny rocks, and truth be told, he’s a fine storyteller, as well as being fine in general. He briefly tells you about whatever fancy rock he’s holding, as well as a little anecdote, relating any pertinent stories, or the tale of how he came to acquire it.
It’s cute, and you can’t help but grin a little as he asks about your interests in turn, and smiles at you with gently lowered lashes. He even asks all the right questions, which quickly makes your reluctant pity turn straight to panic.
For a second, the wheels of cheese in his eyesockets– for just a moment–
No. How could you? He listens to your chatter and you fall in love? How silly. Especially when– and your eyes widen as you suddenly remember– you came here to investigate him for gravedigging.
“Er, friend–?”
“I just remembered–” You blink up at him in horror, and he sighs.
“I know. The deferment stretches on.”
Or perhaps not.
There’s the sound of paws skittering across tile as the dog from earlier bumbles into the crypt, a clean bone in its mouth. It spits it out right by Flins’ feet and immediately turns to the trestle table on which there’s nothing but crumbs anymore. Seeing this, the thing starts instantly howling.
“Agh!” You cover your ears as Flins hurries to shush it, patting its head and reaching for a drawer, from which he pulls out more cookies. He tosses them onto a tray in the corner and the dog swallows them all in a single breath, then looks to him for more.
“No more, friend.” Flins glares at it sternly. You’re not sure what to think of Flins addressing both you and the dog the same way. “You’ve had a heavy breakfast. Meat so soon once more will only make you vomit like last time.”
The dog huffs and plops onto the floor.
“Is it yours?” You finally ask.
“No. We have a transactional relationship. She fetches my bones, and sometimes keeps me company while I carve and assemble them.”
“Ah.” There’s a lull in the conversation, before you drily ask, “and where does she get the bones from?”
Flins waves an elegant hand. “The sniffer moles. Her prey. What a beast does in the wild is of no concern to me.”
You huff. “She may be laying waste to your necropolis, Mr Flins.”
He smiles. “No, friend. In fact she quite loves its denizens and is adored in turn. They have witnessed much carnage, and the sight of sprightly life soothes many sore eyes.”
✦—————————————✦
“Flins, we need to start doing better things when we meet. That or we need new bones because there’s only so many animals we can make with these.”
Flins exhales, tilting his head slightly. You wonder why he brings his knuckles to his chin when he never props it on them. He never slouches.
At length, he answers. “True. Our little friend has brought us nothing save for bird sternums and pelvic girdles.”
“And the skulls,” you groan. “Nothing but skulls.”
“My, the skulls… with them, we could make a veritable monstrosity.”
You hum, and start arranging the vertebrae along the humanoid structure’s shoulder (calling it a skeleton feels a bit generous). It now has a chicken head, along with its normal mole head, and also another chicken head. Flins places a fishhead at the tip of its tail. “A chimaera,” he says, gesturing helplessly.
“This is stupid.”
“Please be gentle.”
“This is foolish.”
“That feels harsher, friend.”
At length, he continues, tilting his head slightly towards the floor. "There is the other thing, of course. We could carve jigsaw pieces out of the bones."
This suggestion is so oddly specific that you're instantly certain of it being what he actually does, instead of laying random bones out on his table. That does make a lot more sense, now that you think about it. You appreciate him trying to spare your feelings, but you wish he'd just told you everything at the outset– and actually, you're not sure about his intentions anymore. Because Flins is a bastard, and he fucks with you at every turn. Argh.
It’s not his fault. It’s not his fault. With how much you embarrass yourself, you really ought to learn to bounce back well.
Whatever. You are a mature adult. You know what? You refuse to be embarrassed. How could you have known to properly navigate his hobby in all its... unconventional glory?
And so– "oh!" you exclaim. "Ah, that does make a lot more sense.” Wow, you sounded collected. “Do you have any jigsaws you've put together already?"
Flins’ eyes light up with what clearly isn’t just relief, and in the gloom of the crypt, the effect is welcome. "I most certainly do. Would you like to see them, friend?"
Well. Okay, sure. You nod.
You brace yourself for things of a macabre nature, but everything is surprisingly normal– and even beautiful. All the little jigsaws are stunningly well crafted– little skeletal figurines of monsters and adversaries, in various dynamic poses that must have taken an age to make. When you mention this to Flins, he smiles, and affirms it. Clearly he's very proud of his bone carvings (made with ethically sourced material), so you decide to not judge, especially knowing some of the things you read in your spare time. No one wears hypocrisy well, not even you.
“Ooh,” You murmur as you bend your knees to look at an especially detailed jigsaw of a Frostnight Herra. “This is beautiful, Flins. The pieces are so thin– it doesn’t even look like bone. They look like these little paper jigsaws I saw once– they looked like they had a million pieces.” You turn to him, wide eyed, and he blinks slowly back, looking unreadable for a moment.
Finally, he softly smiles, and a soft puff of breath leaves him as his shoulders relax. You feel the warmth of it brush against your ear as you straighten, and your heart jumps in your chest.
You’re glad to be nearing the end of the displays now. Once you’ve seen the final few, you turn to Flins with a smile.
“Well,” you snort. “I think I’ve affirmed you’re not a grave digger. I also think I’ve spent long enough here– how many hours has it been, do you know? Anyway, I think I should head back.”
Flins looks up from where he’s seated, rapidly blinking. The lamplight catches on his soft lashes, and you try not to stare at them too keenly. “So soon?” he asks. But Flins, you’ve learned, is too well bred to protest. And so he tugs your coat off the rack, and holds it chivalrously out for you.
Although Flins, you find out, isn’t well bred enough to resist wrapping it snugly round you, adjusting the collar gently with his fingers. When he finally pulls away, they brush your jaw, and their warmth lingers all the way home.
✦—————————————✦
“Ever since that day,” you tell Flins between crunches, “I feel like the Lantern Fae has been keeping tabs on me. Not to sound self absorbed, but I feel like I see him on the way home.”
Flins wordlessly places more cookies on your plate. “Truly?”
“Mhm.” Placing aside the cookie for just a moment, you take a sip of your tea. Flins has gotten better at making it– it’s not so bitter anymore, and at the townspeople’s recommendation, he’s even begun adding dried herbs and spices to it on occasion. It’s not always good, but you appreciate him trying– over the months you’ve come to realise he’s not the fondest of tea, and if given the choice, never has any.
The reasonable extrapolation , therefore, is that he continues buying tea for any lightkeepers that may visit.
What you refuse to think too much about, though, is him going out of his way to add all the flavours to his teas that you ever mention liking.
After all, Flins is eccentric. He likes causing mischief, and underneath his distant demeanor is a man made of empathy and pragmatism. Even so, he doesn’t keep many friends– and the ones he keeps, he treats well.
This sucks. You can’t believe you, Nikita and the dog all get the same treatment. It sucks especially when you suspect that over the past several months, you’ve been nursing a tiny sprig of fondness for Mister Kyryll Chudomirovich Flins.
“Friend?” Flins prompts, and you blink rapidly at him, broken out of your thoughts. “What plagues you so?”
“What plagues me? Ah.” Crap, what plagues you? A lot plagues you. The thought of walking all the way back and having to remember what you have at home so you can plan what to make for dinner, then to make said dinner, clean the house, take a bath, wake up early and polish your weapon, do your laundry, clock in for work around early afternoon, walk over to Flins’ after bidding your friend home. Like the thought of making the shoemaker a visit before your soles give out, when you’ve been too tired to. Like the scratch along your shoulder that aches and pulses in the night. You try not to think too much about it, because you swear paying it attention makes it throb worse. Case in point.
“Mm?”
“Dinner.” You sigh. “I can’t be arsed to make dinner.”
Flins gives a soft laugh. “Why not take some days off to recuperate? Finding mundane tasks too arduous is an intimation of the body; it needs rest.”
You squirm. “I guess.”
The truth is, you know exactly what tires you– it’s the journey made from here to home. Your patrols take you north of Lempo Isle anyway, and so resisting the urge to pay Flins a visit becomes difficult when your usual boatman comes into view. How are you to turn around and head home when the sight of his face makes you smile so wide it nearly hurts? The journey back always seems like a small price– right up until it has to be paid.
Flins taps his fingers to his knee in a soft, mechanical motion. His eyes do not stray from your face. “Or,” he asks gently, “is it the sojourn here that fatigues you so?”
There’s a Fatui facility pretty close by. You’re confident you can find a guy to shoot you.
“Uh,” you dumbly say, and Flins glances away toward the fireplace, cheek twitching. His thigh tappies grow faster for a few seconds until they suddenly stop.
“My friend, why don’t you allow me to escort you home?”
✦—————————————✦
There’s something in you that just refuses to end things at just a ‘thank you.’
Perhaps it’s for the best, though, because Flins deserves far more for first bringing you home, then making you one of his Mediocre Meals. He was so sweet and gentlemanly (and inordinately affectionate– no, friendly) that you’re pretty sure he’d have tucked you in if you’d allowed.
It was late by the time he left. Knowing as you know now that his home is really quite far, you’d tried to insist he stay the night, but he very politely declined, opting instead to stay at the Flagship before setting off early in the morning.
And so you pick up the bag of gifts you’d tucked away beneath a bush while your favourite boatman (and the only one you know) drags his boat ashore for you. You’d hidden the little gift bag away while on patrol, and much to your delight, the Wild Hunt hasn’t messed with it. Thank goodness.
You’re about to drop your usual fare into the boatman’s palm when a third hand suddenly catches it instead. Jerking back, you shriek, and so does the boatman. Mister Chudomirovich Flins only offers one of his eerie smiles. When he speaks, though, his voice is warm.
“Hello, friend,” he says. “May I escort you home?”
✦—————————————✦
Although Flins is too well bred to shun your gifts (potpourri and reed diffusers, since he seems to enjoy some scents) he puts a firm halt to your apologies. Instead he tells you of your new arrangement, which is simply that of your roles being inverted. Once his patrol comes to a close, he’ll make his way from Paha to Lempo, escort you home, and spend some time with you before concluding his ‘sojourn.’ He does not take your input on this, save for suggesting he simply return home after work, with you doing the same.
Your response is a quick “no.”
The next thing you debate is where he’s to stay while he’s in town. He suggests the Flagship, to which your answer is once again a quick “no.”
“You’re staying at mine or you’re heading home.”
This point is kicked about till you’re breathless from the brisk walk and simultaneous chatter. Man, you swear you have more stamina than this. You’ve known Flins for over two years now, so you’re well aware of his stubborn streak– but you also know his stubbornness is often a bid for propriety. In this day and age though, and particularly in Nasha town, the concept is made moot, or “frankly pretty stupid,” as you tell him, reaching up to scratch an itch on your shoulder.
“There’s no need to waste your money at the Flagship when you could just stay over. Listen, I get it.” You shrug. “It feels a bit like moving in, but we live too far to– to.” Ouch. A sharp pain suddenly rings where you'd scratched, in a single, focused spot. You try not to wince, but it’s too late for pretenses when your feet have come to a sudden stop.
Flins reaches out a hand in alarm, steadying you against his chest as you stumble. For a moment, your nose is full of a dry scent you can’t quite place, before you shift to place your cheek against him instead to breathe better.
“Friend?” Flins asks.
“Sorry,” you mumble. “It’s my shoulder.”
Flins pulls away and frowns. He’s the most expressive you’ve ever seen him. “Friend.” His gaze is icy. “At the site of your abyssal injury?”
“Injury is a strong word,” you reassure. “‘Tis but a scratch.”
Flins does not laugh.
Your happy chatter comes to a quick close. Flins links his arm through yours and drags you straight home, insisting you speak little to conserve your strength, much to your chagrin. You’re fine! You were made woozy for what, three seconds? And yet, upon depositing you on your doorstep, Flins turns elegantly around and makes a beeline for the Lightkeeper’s base.
“Flins!” You yell. Argh. “Pighead! I’m fine!” Jogging after him, you yank on his arm. He blinks as you glower. “Don’t you dare disturb the healers at this hour.”
“The healers are well equipped to function at all hours,” he answers in his usual patient way. “Their occupation demands it.”
“Flins–”
Flins walks away.
✦—————————————✦
In the end, no amount of wheedling is enough to convince Flins. He’s quick to escort a healer straight to your home. As if that weren’t embarrassing enough, he seems to have recited the incident in the worst, most exaggerated way.
“And so you felt faint?”
You shoot Flins a glare over the healer’s shoulder. He’s got your shirt pulled low over your shoulder, which had made Flins politely exit the room until he was summoned back by the healer, in case he needed to receive further instructions for your care. (As though he were my boyfriend, you can’t help but think).
“No, I didn’t. I just felt a bit lightheaded and stumbled.”
“Ergo faintness,” Flins adds. Your glare worsens.
“That’s not a good sign,” the healer mutters. No shit, you think. “How long have you had this scratch?”
It’s Flins’ turn to glare. You shift uncomfortably. “For um. Over two years now, I think?”
Flins soundlessly exhales. The healer purses his lips.
“Well,” he says. “Not a good sign.” (I heard you the first time, you think). “But what’s good is that it’s taken this long for you to feel any effects.”
Oh? There’s a sinking feeling in your chest. The feeling is soon vindicated when the healer goes on to say– “Well… if you had any dreams of seeing your grandkids grow up, you’re gonna have to wake up. But you can dream a bit longer ‘bout your kids.” He stands up and gestures for you to pull up your collar as he continues. “You’ll probably have to deal with this for a long time. abyssal corruption doesn’t leave, and even better– it festers. You might lose a shoulder in your old age, but you’re gonna be fine. Probably.”
“Probably?” you exclaim, and he gives an embarrassed laugh.
“I mean, we don’t really know a lot about this sort of thing. Most people would’ve just died in your place, but you got lucky. Maybe unlucky.” He rubs his face. “Come to the healers if you face more problems. Maybe visit that Moonchanter. But I don’t know how much we can really help if it gets bad, so take care. Your body can only fight it if it has the strength for it. You have to make sure you eat well and rest lots. Plus light exercise while you’re on break.”
“Ah.” You lick your lips. Your throat feels dry all of a sudden. Flins disappears into the hallway. “Well. Thank you, for coming here and– everything.”
He shrugs. “Just my job. I’ll see myself out.” As he turns to leave, he bumps into Flins, who makes his way over to you with a glass of water in hand. Setting it on the table beside you, he turns to escort the healer out. You hear him making hushed inquiries in that soft, polite voice of his, and sigh.
When you reach for your glass, you find it to be warm, and the thought of Flins fumbling with your kettle makes your eyes suddenly sting. He’s always so kind. Really, you think as you slowly sip, you’re quite lucky. You’ve seen the things abyssal corruption can do, and it’s not pretty. You’re lucky, to have friends that care for you, to be expected to live till your midlife, to have Flins bring you warm water when it’s cold. Your fingers tremble a little as you recall the way he held you against him when you stumbled.
When Flins returns to your room to wish you a good night in that gentle voice of his, your heart sinks, because his eyes look like discs of gold.
✦—————————————✦
It takes some time for everything to sink in, for you to adjust to this newness. You find that rest really does drive the impurities back– several hours of sleep result in the scratch looking far less irritated than it was before. Seeing as you’d spent the night worrying and dampening your pillow, this raises your spirits well enough for you to prance over to the kitchen to make yourself a meal.
You’re reminded of Flins’ presence when you find one of his Mediocre Meals waiting for you on your table.
Right.
It’s around lunchtime, which must mean he’s on his way to Paha Isle right now. He left no note this time, which somehow makes your heart sing more, although you’re too frazzled to try to puzzle out why.
Since you’re officially on leave now, you decide instead to get your home in order. You’ll have to buy groceries, too. You loathe laundry, so you should probably start sectioning your clothes– you refuse to do it all in one go. Figure out dinner. Man, feeding yourself is an endless process. You really have to clean your gutters out, too, before the rains get worse and turn to snow.
You’re patting down your furniture for stationary with which to make a list when your lock clicks and your door glides open. Flins steps inside and changes smoothly into your house slippers, as though it were second nature. You blink at him, half confused, half wondering what to clean the windows with, as he greets you and sets your groceries down on the coffee table.
“Have you just arisen?” He asks. “Judging by your eyes, you seem to not have had a restful night.”
“Huh?”
A slight furrow forms between Flins’ eyebrows, so slight you would not have noticed were he not directly in your face. The back of his overwarm hand brushes your forehead, and if he now thinks you have a fever, that’s on him.
Somehow, despite having spent the night over, his clothes are pressed, and smell dry and fresh. They smell like him, and the scent does little to quell your dizziness. Forget corruption– a crush seems to do worse to you.
“Uh,” you say. “What are you doing here?”
Flins blinks. (He’s cute, you think). “Taking your temperature.”
“No, I mean. In my house.”
He wordlessly gestures to your coffee table, and you sigh.
“You didn’t have to do that,” you tell him, frowning. “I’m sorry you had to bother–”
“Apologies,” he interrupts, “but I must ask you to simply thank me hence, and even that only if you wish. If you are in need of my services, I will offer them. I fail to understand why it is expected of me to treat you with the coldness of distant civility, when my assumption was that we were friends.”
“Huh? We are friends!” you splutter. “It just feels like you do a lot for me, and I can’t do enough in return.”
Flins is too well bred to interrupt a second time, but he looks very much as though he’s fighting the hugest eye roll of his life.
“My hope,” he says drily, “is that my silence will enunciate what my words cannot.” Saying so, he tugs you over to a couch, puts your plate in your hands and vanishes into the kitchen. You hear soft clinks before he returns with a glass of water.
“Make your way to Speranza when evening comes,” he tells you. “I have to leave now, but will return for the night– with spare clothes, if you will allow.”
“And a toothbrush,” you automatically add. “But wait– the dog? Not that you should be staying here to begin with–”
“If you desire, I can bring her here. I suspect she grows lonely on the Isle without either of us around. Also, do not worry for the boatman. Do not worry, he has not lost custom- there is yet a person that avails themself of his services.”
All you can do is blankly stare.
Man, you just woke up. You need a second to process– wait, is he seriously–? Moving in, more or less? Common etiquette classifies this as ‘uncivility,’ and yet Mister Kyryll Chudomirovich Flins insists on imposing?
“Flins,” you finally say, overwhelmed. “It’s a scratch.”
Flins pauses, then, true to his word, electing to ignore you, walks over to open the curtains instead.
“These are sordid,” he muses, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. “They will need to be washed.”
“Flins–”
“Your gutters are in need of cleaning as well, if I correctly recall. Well.” Flins shrugs. “Leave to me what you cannot do. Feel free to tackle the rest. I will be late to return– pray head to bed whenever you think it right. You need not wait for me.”
“Because you think I’m crawling into bed with you? Hey! Explain yourself! Where are you going? Hey!”
✦—————————————✦
“You know,” you say, moving your bishop across the board. “You should stay at the lighthouse instead of the crypt.”
“Why so?”
“The crypt scares everyone.”
Flins smiles, but does not move a piece. He simply surveys the board, which means you’re soon going to lose. “The crypt is dry. The lighthouse is blustery, and the spectres often slip inside to gawk.”
You laugh. “Even the ghosts? Seriously?”
Flins blinks, bemused. “Even, you say?”
“Ah.” You wave an embarrassed hand as he checks you. Fuck. “Forget– hey!”
“Pay better attention henceforth.”
“Whatever. I quit.”
“You still have a chance– victory may yet be yours.”
“Victory may be in reach, but I can’t see it, ergo I don’t know where to reach, Sir. I yield.”
Flins grins. He’s so cute. “Alright, then. Once again, I emerge victorious. Now for my prize.” Saying so, he lifts up the little pouch on the table, set in the middle. It clinks. Flins’ smile grows wider the wider he opens it. Looking inside for a long moment, he finally sets the pouch down with a chink.
“What occasion brought these gifts about?” He asks coyly, and you cover your face with your hands.
“Your birthday,” you mumble, and he laughs one of his rare, soft laughs. “I’m sorry, I know I missed last year’s–”
“And the year before.”
You groan, and he laughs again. Gosh, he’s cute as hell, but by now, you’ve gotten quite good at smothering the thought. “The year before, I’d just met you!”
“And the year after, you were in no condition to celebrate,” he reassures. “Do not worry. My jabs are merely in jest.”
Your embarrassment is quickly overcome by exasperation. “Flins. It was a scratch.”
He raises an elegant hand with a shake of his head. Diva. “I will hear no more of you on the subject,” he says. “Ah, but I must ask– how did you come to know of the occasion?”
“Ah, that.” You grin. “You’re a special little boy. The Sergeant Major himself told me. He said he might come by later with cake and wine if he has the time.”
Flins raises an elegant brow. “Here, or?”
“Here,” you confirm. “He said he might bring the kid, too. How old is Illuga anyway? Ten?”
Flins chortles. “I believe he turns sixteen this year.”
“...my bad.”
The rest of the evening is spent investigating your cupboards for more board games. Flins laughs every time you find a piece missing– the miseries of analog board games are the little bits and bobs you end up losing. You’re reduced to crawling around and checking behind the furniture, then beneath and finally in desperation, above. You find nothing.
Although it was he who wanted to play, Flins does not mind. He’s in a very good mood– if you’d known a little bag of coins and gems would make him this happy, you’d have bought a dozen more little pouches, bankruptcy or no. Flins is adorable.
You’ve known him for a little over two years now, although it feels like a lot more. Perhaps it’s because he’s practically made your residence a second home– he has spare clothes and belts and bones lying around. Even a little safe in which to keep his mora. The guest room is now wholly Flins’, which you don’t mind, since you barely receive guests anyway.
It’s nice, having a kinda-sorta roommate. He’s always making himself useful around the house, and he doesn’t disturb you often, since he’s hardly around. Most days, he’ll check in on the lighthouse while he’s out patrolling, and will return to the shoal by night, where you await him. Then you head back together, sometimes stumbling along because of the rain and sludge, sometimes laughing and plucking flowers off the tall, grassy stalks lining your path. Always with linked arms, though.
It started off as a precaution– Flins just didn’t want you stumbling because of an abyssal flare up, is all. What if you were walking by a cliffside? By a wide mole burrow? A thorny bush?
You’d frowned and agreed, and ever since, Flins holds out an arm to you as you step closer. You link yours with his and walk home, kept warm by the proximity. Flins is never cold.
Your home is, though. Shuddering, you reach over to the window to shut it, and spot Flins in its reflection. When your eyes finally focus on his features, made hazy by the moisture stains, you find him looking right into the glass, back at you.
When he speaks, his voice is as soft as you’ve ever heard it. “Is it too cold for your liking?”
Too cold? All of a sudden, you are entirely too warm. For a moment, you’re frozen doing nothing save for staring outside, praying you’ll see Nikita ambling up the path and be broken out of this moment, yet not knowing why you wish it.
“It’s alright,” you force out. “And um. I don’t think Ni– the Sergeant Major’s showing.”
Flins ambles over and places his fingers on the windowsill, right next to yours. If he moved just a bit to the left, his body would be flush against your own. As it were, you feel his warmth through his several layers of clothing, the small gap between you, then lastly your own clothes. Flins is always so warm.
“Although it most certainly is not my place to offer familiarity on the Sergeant Major’s behalf, I doubt he minds your friendly address.”
Huh? Oh, right.
“Oh yeah, probably. But still.” You pause, wondering how to lug the conversation along. “By the way, if he’s really not coming, or showing really late– why don’t we start with dinner?”
Flins’ fingers flex ever so slightly on the windowsill. You berate yourself for staring at them, and his smooth knuckles, and the blue veins trailing across the back of his palm in patterns you’ve never seen before. How odd.
His voice breaks you out of your thoughts. “Ah– truth be told, I lack an appetite today.” He gives you an abashed smile. “You are welcome to start, however– after all, this is your residence.”
“What? No!” You scoff. “Eat without the birthday boy? Come on, I’ve got wines from Mondstadt I’ve been dying to try. Maybe we could do that instead? I just figured we shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach, so maybe a snack first?”
“Ah…”
“Ooh and I also got some really tasty stuff from Speranza’s,” you babble. It’s either that or you ogle at his fingers. “I told them it was for the handsome lightkeeper, so they went all out.” You wink.
“Friend– ahem.” He coughs into an elegantly furled fist, not meeting your eyes. What’s up with him? Ah, does he not like the food you got him? Does he have allergies?
It was something you realised when you stopped by Speranza’s to get him something. Thankfully both you and Flins had some free days, so you had plenty of time to sneak over without him insistently linking arms with you. You’d cheerily walked over to Katya, greeted her and told her you’d wanted– what?
You’d never realised you’d never really seen Flins savor anything before. Sure, the occasional snack– but he usually packs all of his meals, and eats on the job. You like your leisurely breakfast, but Flins… on the weeks that he keeps vigil by night, you naturally eat separately, and you don’t really go out to eat a whole lot otherwise.
And so Katya had looked pleasantly on as you buffered and stepped back, confused. You’d asked her what Flins usually ate when he came by, but she’d told you that his every purchase was with you in mind.
And so you’d told them to just pack whatever they thought tastiest. You suspected Flins was the sort to peruse the more expensive side of the menu, but oh well. The things you do for love.
Presently, you’re employed in blinking up at him from underneath those pretty lashes, and the longer you watch, the more thoughtful he looks, until he finally stalks over to your couch and takes a seat, gesturing for you to do the same.
“Friend,” he says, his expression inscrutable. “I have a secret to tell.”
“Oh, okay.” You take a seat. How exciting! Flins never talks much about himself, so this is quite the treat. “Ooh, is this about a crush?”
Flins pauses. Frowns. “Pardon?”
Ah, right. “Someone you fancy,” you explain, softly snickering, and he looks at you carefully with a smile for just a moment too long. You swallow. You know his smiles mean nothing, but unfair pretty is still unfair pretty. You can hardly be blamed for ogling the prize, especially when you’re still thoughtful enough to resist the gamble.
“No.” Flins laughs his soft laugh. When he inhales, shoulders rising, the last vestiges of a smile still playing amongst his cheeks and lips, you breathe in with him. “No, this secret pertains to my mystery identity, that I have needlessly kept from you for far too long.”
You wait with bated breath. Hold on, is he a vampire after all?
“Friend, I am a lamp.”
When Nikita arrives, he’s met with you blankly shovelling garlicky bread into your mouth as Flins burns and absorbs his meal.
✦—————————————✦
“So. How does this work, exactly. Do you still take baths?”
“Yes.”
“Do you need to eat?”
“Sometimes.”
“Are you like– a god?”
“No.”
“What if you were in lamp form and I chucked you into the sea.”
“...Pray, do not.”
“Huh.” Stumbling, you accidentally step on Flins’ toes. You mutter an apology as he steadies you, an easy reassurance falling off of his lips. “So does all this mud bother you?”
“I suspect that would be a universal annoyance, save for our fair lady over yonder.” Saying so, he nods at Friend, who continues barking at nothing and delightedly sprawling into the mud at intervals. “I suspect a leash is in order.”
“Oh, leave her be. I’ll bathe her once we’re home.”
Flins smiles eerily. “You may try.”
Upon reaching home, you do try. You wish you didn’t.
“Rash promises were made,” you grunt, as she pummels her head into your belly in an attempt to run past. “Bitch. That really is just what you are– hold still.”
Friend howls. Flins only smiles.
“You, Sir,” you pant, “are also a bitch. Help me.”
“No, thank you. Friend prefers you to me.”
“That’s not–” you start, then turn to Friend as she tries to back up to jump over you. “Hey!” you bark. “You’re filthy! And you have a shitty name that you can thank your dad for!”
Flins chuckles, safe beyond the threshold of your tiny (and now very muddy) bathroom. Ignoring Friend’s beseeching gaze over your shoulder, he calls over to you as you wash the mud off of her hind legs and tail. “What does that make you, friend?”
“Me or the dog?” you snap, and watch in the mirror as he bites his lip to keep back a laugh. “The unlucky nanny, obviously!”
“I do not think Friend is quite qualified.”
You glare at Flins darkly in the mirror. He blinks at you, pouty lipped and wide eyed, the very picture of angelic innocence– at least if you ignore the rest of him. You wonder what all he hides away under those clothes of his… wait.
“Hey, Flins,” you call. When he hums in return, you blurt out what you simply could not keep in, steadily keeping your eyes on the dog. Cursed curiosity. Or ‘curst,’ as he would call it. “If you’re a lamp, does–? Do you have, um.”
“Hm?”
Never mind. That is an insane question to ask. “Forget it. Help me dry Friend.”
He tosses you a towel and stands at a distance, politely lacing his fingers together. You glare again, civility almost forgotten.
“What was your question?”
“I said, forget it.”
As soon as you stand, Friend, sensing bathtime to be over, runs out and instantly flings her sopping wet body onto your bed. You deadpan, too tired to fight her anymore. Lethargy has been sapping away at you recently. Just the cold, you tell yourself.
“I’ll just sleep on the couch, then.”
“Take my bed, please. I will–hm?” Flins steps closer, looking at you carefully through his prettily lowered lashes. “My friend, am I mistaken in believing you appear unwell?”
“Really?” Your intention was to sound cheery, but the end result is as though fondant found a voice. “I just haven’t been feeling too well recently. Probably just the cold, or something seasonal.”
The slightest furrow appears between Flins’ brows. “And it never occurred to you to bring this to my notice, or to a healer’s?”
“What are either of you going to do?” You ask, surprising even yourself with the bitterness that laces your words. “Burn the abyss out of me?”
Flins reaches to grab your wrist, but composes himself at the last moment, holding onto the excess fabric of your sleeve instead. When he speaks, his voice wavers the slightest bit, and the temperature in your hallway– your now shared hallway– takes a sudden drop. “My dear– friend? Is it beginning to fester?”
You shrug. You’re unable to meet his eyes when you know you did, in fact, see a healer. And that their honest diagnosis was: who knows. A desperate visit to the poor, sweet Moonchanter could not conjure up a different verdict, and her apology was written plainly in her lowered head and clenched fists.
Flins seems to take notice of your pursed lips and shifting eyes. Tugging you over to your couch in a rare moment of forcefulness, he seats you down, gently still and props a cushion behind to make you more comfortable. Once he’s brought you a glass of warm water, he sits on the adjacent loveseat.
Flins says nothing. He doesn’t even look at you, staring instead at his loosely clasped fingers with downcast eyes. His elbows rest against a knee and a thigh– you’ve never seen him slouch before in all the years you’ve known. You hear Friend’s growls in the next room, and the sound of ripping fabric. This seems to break Flins out of his reverie– he looks up with a heavy sigh, and you can suddenly believe he really is over a thousand years old.
As stupid as it sounds, this was why you couldn’t bear to tell him– or anyone. No friends, no comrades, no acquaintances are aware of what’s wrong with you– and you hardly know either. There’s few signs– muscle spasms, sudden stabbing pains and aches. Sometimes it feels like the pain inches from your shoulder towards your chest, lapping softly at your strength with its soft tongue.
Friend ambles guiltily in the room, with the wobbly walk of a dog that knows it fucked up. The sight of her is so comical, with the feathers and fluff clinging to her whiskers and lashes, and her tongue that’s snaking round her teeth in a desperate attempt to get it out, that you can’t help but smile and walk over to clean her up.
Once she’s all clean, you give Flins an amused glance, but wilt a little at his expression. It’s stony, almost angry. Friend slinks quietly away, which only makes you feel worse. She’s always so cheeky with her father. You don’t think she’s ever feared him in her life.
“So,” you say, getting up from where you and Friend were seated on the floor. When you push yourself up with an arm, Flins’ eyes dart to it and you know he’s taking notice of the fact that it’s the uncontaminated one.
There’s a pause as you seat yourself on the loveseat next to him and shakily bring the glass of water to your lips. It’s warmer than before, and Flins’ glove is damp with steam. You carefully exhale.
“Is it not your intention to speak to me of this?” Flins finally asks. He looks so defeated. You’ve never seen his shoulders slope so visibly before. “I understand we are not family and tread the strange line twixt friendship and– camaraderie. I do not claim to be fully cognisant of–”
“Kyryll, no.” You bury your face in your hands, before abruptly sitting up straight again. You need to tell him– and particularly with what’s to come for the future. “I’m not– it’s not like that. I owe you an answer. I love you very much.”
For a moment, Flins just stares, lips slightly parted. You sweat– there’s a reason you didn’t specify what love– and not that it matters. There is no more than friends. There’s just something different than friendship. You love Flins dearly, regardless of how that love manifests– you owe him and all your other loves an answer and a heads up for what’s to come.
When Flins speaks again, his voice is soft and breathless. It is reminiscent of something very specific, something so insignificant and humdrum you’d long forgotten it; in your mind's eye, you envision little you running your fingers quickly over the mellow flame of a lit candle. Back and forth. Back and forth. You did it fast enough that it never burned– but slow enough still to feel its warm softness against your palm, your fingertips.
There is nothing softer than an open flame. It is a texture that cannot be described– more pliant than the fluffiest wool, more velvety than the belly of a newborn pup.
“You are very dear to me,” he quietly murmurs, with a tenderness you refuse to dwell upon. “Therefore, while I ought not demand an answer…”
“You can demand whatever you want from me,” you firmly say. Ah, good; your voice didn’t waver. “It’s fine, I’ll tell you. I’m gonna be quick, so brace yourself.”
Flins purses his lips and finally looks away from his hands, meeting your eyes. His pupils flit over your face, as though he were taking note of your features. In the past you might’ve laughed at him for it, but today, he’s almost justified.
“I spoke with the healer,” you finally confess. “I also spoke with Lauma, the Moonchanter. They both told me the same thing– abyssal activity and corrosion is hard to monitor and predict. They told me it progressed faster than what was estimated. They don’t know if it’s going to recede or kill me. They have basically no idea what’s going on, besides that it’s. Not good.” Reaching up to your chest, you start unbuttoning your shirt. For once, Flins doesn’t look away. Once the collar is loose enough, you pull it down over your shoulder, and Flins draws his legs nearer to himself as he sees the little purple stain rippling beneath your skin.
“For now,” you continue, “it makes me really tired, gives me muscle spasms and light chest pains, and it hurts randomly. In the future, it may just kill me. I don’t know. I really don’t know.” You sigh, tugging the shirt up again. You fumble as you button it back up, taking several more seconds than you usually do. Flins’ fingers twitch as though he wants to help, but he stays still next to you.
“Are there any… courses of action you can take?” he asks at length.
You shrug. “Not in Nod Krai. The healers told me to head to Sumeru for treatment, so.”
“So you’ll go?”
“About next month. But Natlan first.”
Flins heaves a sigh– an act of uncharacteristic transparency. Natlan has been consumed by the war against the Abyss for Archons know how long. You’ll first have to journey to the Flower-Feather Clan, and then it’s a long way across one and a half nations to Caravan Ribat.
“We have a few Ratniki that are from Sumeru,” you sooth– or at least, try to. “A couple leave next month, so they’ve offered to take me with them. I’ll be okay. And then… I have a couple friends there already. They won’t decline taking care of me.” I hope.
“And when was the last time you conversed with these friends?” Flins frowns. “This ought not be your only course of action.”
“This isn't my only course of action,” you huff. “I can find a job– I could easily be an adventurer. That’s cake after everything I’ve done here. I– It’s not like I don’t have money, either. I’ve been with the Lightkeepers for so long–”
“I hope it isn’t your intention to bear the brunt of your soon-to-be rapidly declining Mora alone,” Flins mutters, and gets up. He stands still for several seconds before nodding at you in his usual polite way. Your chest aches. “Allow me a moment.” He bows. “I will return shortly. You ought to rest.”
✦—————————————✦
Death, Kyryll notes, is the truest companion to a finite life. There is nothing else that may last.
This was a lesson he ought not have forgotten.
He’s unsure of how many abyssal fiends he’s hunted in the past few hours– or are they minutes? Days? Time means little to a man that isn’t even a man at all. He lived seven hundred years, then slept hundreds more– and yet it is a little mortal that makes him count every minute spent with them.
No matter how many of the Hunt he immolates, hordes more emerge before him, desperate to eradicate a formidable foe turned careless. Kyryll is grateful then to the many companions of an infinite life- chief among them being the stubborn will to exist. In its refusal to yield to death, the abyss at least acts as an unending receptacle for his unending wrath.
Every minute spent away is a lifetime lost, he thinks. There is a hollow feeling in his chest– what chest? Kyryll is an open flame, a fiery beast that swallows his enemies whole. He feels them writhe and disintegrate inside of his belly, but his hunger can hardly sate when they’re burnt away so quickly.
The emanating heat leaves trails of vitrified sand in his wake. Attempting to flee is futile– fire is always quick to spread.
Wretched vipers, to have stung you, to have poisoned you. How galling– not galling. How could galling ever even begin to encompass it? Kyryll’s tears are molten flame, and he hears the Hunt wail as he weeps over it. If only– if only. If only he’d rampaged before as he does now. Perhaps they would never have touched you then.
(In the darkest recesses of his mind, he knows it to not be true. The Abyss is not finite life– its truth is not death, but hunger.
With how sweet you are, it would have tasted you anyway).
✦—————————————✦
When Flins returns home, it is dawn, and you are asleep.
You’re sprawled across his bed, clad in your soft nightclothes, draped in his blankets. No doubt Friend has claimed yours– foolish dog, unaware of what’s to happen to you.
Or is she unaware, truly? She must have scented the Abyss on you since your very first meeting. How was she to know any better? That it wasn’t your constant state of being? She can hardly be blamed for not being mindful of the correct parameters of human normalcy, what with her master being a lantern.
As he moves about the room, he can't help but think to himself– how odd it is, that in the face of an immovable calamity, the world remains as it was before. He still hears human chatter and laughter in the distance. The sound of a barking dog, of nocturnal birds made irritable by one other and their slippery prey.
Flins first shrugs off his coat, then his gloves and deposits them on a chair by the window with unusual carelessness. In the privacy of his bathroom, he sheds the rest. Sluggishly tugs on looser trousers, a smooth silk shirt. It’s been washed with the same soap as yours. He wishes he couldn’t smell it and brings a sleeve up to his nose.
Stepping out, he carries on as usual. Checks the locks, fills your water bottles, Friend’s water bowl. He considers fixing up your wobbly closet that you've been whining about for days, since the door to your room is wide open, but decides against it for now.
As he walks past his door to the living room, a thin blanket in hand, he thoughtlessly glances over to you, and goes still. A moment passes, then two.
Try as he might, he cannot tear his eyes off of you.
Flins is a fae. What does he know of mortal love?
What do I not know? He wonders. He knows you, and Friend, and Nikita. Is that not enough?
He’s never felt more hollow.
Resting a palm next to your head, he bends over you, long hair trailing over your arm, firm fingers sinking momentarily into your pillow. Then, bringing up the hand to your forehead, he kisses his own knuckles softly.
✦—————————————✦
Part II: Farewell.
✦—————————————✦
The days first drag on as you slowly break the news to your friends, and then the weeks suddenly speed by, shoving and tripping you until you’re stumbling up the plank and onto the ship that’ll take you south past Ochkanatlan, to the Flower Feather Clan.
Your house was left as it is– the only changes made being to your closet, which was stripped of most of its clothes, valuables and necessities. Flins insisted you put the Mora and jewellery into a bag he gave you himself. It’s made of a dark leather, and lined with soft, white fur from within, both taken off the corpse of a beast nowadays rarely found, if ever. It is heavy, sturdy, and has the additional quality of bearing an enchantment that drops thieves into the depths of an impenetrable sleep.
You call this extreme. Flins calls it a necessity. It’s a bit laughable, really. You’re leaving Nod Krai, and you’ll be with trusted friends throughout your journey.
“Who’d rob me?” You’d asked with a chuckle. Flins had only smiled. Just in case, he’d said.
You’re more grateful to him than you’ll ever be able to say.
Your friends, noticing your distress, had offered to take up your luggage and scout out the cabin. One of them stands politely nearby, conversing with some porters as she keeps watch. The other must be in the room already, keeping an eye on all of your bags. You’ll likely have to remain cautious until you’ve ascertained you’re at open sea.
Flins has come to bid you farewell. He stands next to you as you look over the railing and down at the port. Nikita, as well as your other friends, already bade you farewell the previous night– after all, the nature of their work did not allow them all to come see you off today. You were chipper till the end, but couldn’t help but cry in bed later.
When you’d awoken in the morning, you'd thought the previous night’s outburst theatrical. Pathetic, even. Now that you’re actually about to leave, though, the cold wind pickpocketing the moisture from your skin as it speeds past, the bobbing of the groaning ship below, your tears seem reasonable once more.
Your arm really hurts, too.
You wonder what’ll happen if you die onboard. You know your friends would try to send your corpse back– but whether or not that’s feasible is a mystery.
No.
Shutting your eyes tight, you imagine the thoughts squeezing out of you. What’s to happen will happen– there’s no point in borrowing anxiety from the future.
Besides– you’ll regret not giving Flins a proper goodbye.
And so you turn to him, determined to smile till the last, but end up with stinging eyes and trembling hands as you clutch onto the front of his coat and cry yet again. It’s so embarrassing– no doubt you’ve been singled out for being a crybaby, and yet. And yet.
It’s worth it, when polite Flins, forever bound by propriety, shrugs it quietly off and wraps an arm round your shoulders to tug you towards him. It is akin to being engulfed in the gentlest of flames and you’re once again reminded of when you used to skim your fingers over lit candles. Back and forth. Back and forth. The flames were so soft.
Flins is softer still, when he tells you in a murmur to take care. Friend, sensing something wrong, presses her nose right into your thigh and you slip a hand off Flins’ chest to bring it to her warm head instead.
Your final subjects of conversation are prosaic. You speak of how cold it is, of the food the Ratniki brought you yesterday, of how Nikita boasted about Illuga’s many virtues every chance he got. Flins even smiles and laughs, and you swear you’ll never see a lovelier sight so long as you’ll live.
Toward the end, Flins breaks into a mischievous smile and tells you he’s left you with some gifts, that his bag wasn’t that heavy on its own. When you ask what he gave you, he pretends to not have heard and talks to Friend instead, who is by now covered in balm, thanks to the copious amount of kisses you’ve lain upon her large, broad head. You kiss her snout again for good measure, and she licks your chin, your hands. You bite back your tears. Reapplying the balm to your lips once more, you turn to Flins with a rueful smile as the ship’s horn blares loudly above.
“Well, you have to get off now.”
“That I do, don’t I?” He exhales. “Farewell.”
Flins glances down to Friend for a long moment. When he finally meets your gaze, his eyes gleam, and you hope it's not just your desperation manifesting as imagination. You deserve a few tears, surely.
As you laugh softly and pat his cheek, he brings up a palm to press yours against his skin for a heartbeat, for two, for three. Shutting his eyes, he brings your fingertips to his mouth for a kiss.
When he opens them again as he steps away with a heavy, heaving breath, you’re forced to blink away your tears. His irises shone like gold.
✦—————————————✦
Even the phantasms grow restless without you.
They're nothing but remnants of the memories of the living, vestiges left behind like the afterimages of a bright light. Even so, Flins hopes it isn't mere delusion to see them grow restless as he returns to the crypt without you once again.
It's been a couple weeks now, and Friend grows more and more restless with every passing day. Flins tries his best to comfort her, but for once, he wishes Nikita would show up unannounced, thick arms laden with diversions.
Wine is of little use. He cannot distract himself with work, either– not as ceaselessly as he would like, with Friend growing uneasy alone. Besides, the Wild Hunt does not divert him– it serves to do the opposite. Looking upon them only fills him with a familiar fury that has since simmered to white hot embers, waiting to be lit the moment there is more kindling present.
Fog and gloom obfuscate time at the cemetery– and just as well, because Flins has no intention of tracking what passes by. He prays the months fly by soon, so your missive may finally make its way to him. He begged you to write to the Lightkeeper base at Nasha Town specifically, but his colleagues are yet to receive word of you.
In the first days of your absence, he feels his pride being pricked when he makes his way over to the receptionist to ask for any word of you.
By the time a month is up he feels only desperation.
Even so, Flins refuses to despair. How long can it take, really? Perhaps a letter was lost. Perhaps it is yet on its way. Soon enough, it'll land in his trembling fingers. He’s sure of it.
A year passes, but 'soon' does not come.
Flins' composure returns to him by the second year. He realises it as he's moving his things from the crypt to the lighthouse, your words ringing in his head. Or at least, he thinks, feeling a familiar hollow in his stomach, an approximation of them.
You should move to the lighthouse, Flins. The crypt is creepy.
The crypt is empty.
He'd called the lighthouse draughty, if he correctly remembers. Well, no more. Were you to return, you'd likely prefer a more comfortable home. The lamp itself has been left untouched– fixing it is of no consequence and would only be a waste of time, but the lighthouse is now cozy, furnished and most importantly– insulated. You get cold far easier than him, after all.
He finds he can look upon the situation with a certain forbearance that he hadn't thought possible when he'd first walked off the ship that was to carry you far from him. He'd come to learn that its journey to Natlan was as uneventful as it could get, so the natural thing to surmise was that you safely made your way into the hospitable arms of the Flower-Feather Clan.
He refuses to allow his mind to stray any further.
By the third year, it does stray the slightest bit. After all, he's developed a bit of a bad habit.
Walking along the beaches of his Isle with Friend's leash in hand and nothing on his mind– save for you– had fast become an addiction. Lost in pleasant reminiscences, he once again relives the feeling of having you near him, the comfort of knowing you are safe in your somewhat shared home, the eagerness felt in watching the boatman draw nearer to his shore, so he may soon debark on yours.
By the fourth, he decides it is a habit he has to shed.
His dreams fester inside of him the way the Abyss did inside of you– they whisper to his memories and poison them with sweetness, taint them with an allure they never had.
It disgusts him.
In his mind, you are more beautiful than before, your voice more dulcet, your charm exaggerated. He ascribes meaning to actions you made thoughtlessly, fantasizes more joy and affection in the most prosaic of moments. It wrecks him to realise– he has forgotten what you truly sounded like.
His powers of remembrance are far more potent than that of any mortal, but fantasies have coloured his memories in tints he desperately wishes to erase. It makes him stay up for several days, forgetting his duties in the process of desperately recollecting all those minutiae that made you, you. After all, you deserve to be remembered for yourself, as yourself.
When Nikita finally finds Flins after several days of noncommunication, it is in the crypt, with papers strewn around him. Some bear your face, others you in your uniform. Some bear your fingers, some you in combat, and still more drawn from the perspective of a companion with whom you must have linked arms.
Even as Nikita makes his way over to the ever-alert Flins, he does not hear. A glance over his shoulder shows Nikita that the next portrait is once again you– this time with your back turned, slipping your heel into your shoe with a finger.
When Nikita puts a gentle hand on Flins’ shoulder, the latter jumps, then stops.
✦—————————————✦
The fifth year serves as a credible distraction.
Not only has Nod Krai newly escaped dire trouble– murmurs of change and a brighter future are on the horizon. When Flins thinks of old friends and new, however, there is both much and little comfort to be found: he loves them dearly, but you will never be introduced to them.
Flins hadn't thought much of it– partly due to being as busy as he was, and partly because five years is but a yawn to a fae. By now his mind has reached a certain stage of sangfroid– perhaps you are dead, and perhaps you are not. Perhaps, if you're alive, you've simply chosen to not return to Nod Krai, for which he does not blame you in the slightest, particularly with all that has recently come to pass.
His steady stream of fortitude is forded abruptly, however, when Nikita bitterly mentions 'half a decade' to have passed. It is only then that Flins is forced to concede to what he refuses to give word, even inside of his own mind.
Five years were nothing– just the merest drizzle of time, unseen to most of his kind. But for Nikita to so bitterly call it 'half a decade,' for Illuga– grown up Illuga– to cautiously ask what happened 'so long ago–’ makes Flins' body run far cooler than it should.
Another Ratnik lost to the night, he thinks.
After all, little mortals are but ants to time. The same drizzle he can flick off of his shoulders with a finger might just have swallowed you whole.
Pretending to partake of his lunch proves harder than it should. The purpose of his visit to the Starshyna had been to retrieve little Friend, who had stayed with him while Flins dealt with his greater-than-usual troubles. Running into Illuga was ill luck indeed. He's glad when Illuga finally leaves. When he strokes Friend’s back as she lays by his feet, it is with the tenderest of touches. And when she whines and raises her nose to his knee, he looks at the greys around her eyes, and stiffens.
In the privacy of the lighthouse, Flins cries himself sick. You were likely too sweet for even Time herself to resist a taste, and the last bit of life you left behind for him will soon follow.
✦—————————————✦
Part III: Lovesick.
✦—————————————✦
“Hey! Traveller! Is that Flins over there?”
Flins sighs.
Now, of all times? Truly? He doesn’t have the bandwidth to entertain guests, no matter how precious and respectable– not today.
Not when Friend is missing.
Time is cruel– Friend is not as alert as she used to be. A decade is enough to pepper whites and greys in her fur, brush pain across her joints and gently drape her senses with dulling silk. It does little to dampen her love of life or old joys, however, and he fears that in part to be the reason for her disappearance.
Flins has an irregular schedule– and it’s been especially worse in recent months, ever since the most dismal sort of trouble came along to plague Nod Krai and gnaw at his patience. Truly, if his suspicions of some street rat having stolen his Friend are proven true, he’ll make it as though they never existed at all.
Precious Friend, stalwart and curious even in the face of his true form. Clever, lively Friend, forever keen on bringing him new treasures and coming along on his patrols.
Invaluable, cherished Friend, that he and you loved together.
He feels a bit stupid, agonizing over a dog, but what inherent value is there to anything in this world, really? Flins knows better than anyone– that things cost as much as the price you ascribe to them, and Friend is priceless.
Flins had held out hope year after year, awaiting your missive. His long years ought to lend speed to Time’s flow, but instead it crept by at a snail’s pace, nipping at him with its unseen teeth. He bore it well– corresponding was difficult with the sheer distance between the two of you, so that would explain your silence for a while, yes?
In the meantime, he’d decided to safeguard your belongings. After all, you’d want them upon your return.
In time, though, his heart had grown so heavy at the sight of your home that he abandoned it as a residence entirely, opting instead to stay first at the crypt before vacating it as well under the guise of your advice. While the crypt was forgotten altogether, Flins would regularly come around to maintain your home– he would ensure it remained in good condition, at least for a few more years. Just a few more years. He knows he ought to sell it to someone that may need it more, but all the empathy in this world could not make Flins concede a single inch, let alone the house.
When the exalted Traveller was made his acquaintance, he feared it may have to see actual use. The famous duo, however, was content to remain at The Flagship, and Miss Lauma also extended her warm invitations. And so Flins could keep you all to himself for another year more.
But, Flins thinks, worriedly making a round of your yard, he’d rather lose ten such houses than Friend. She’s not in the trash, not behind the tree or the bushes. She hasn’t even dug up your flowerbed this summer.
Where could she be?
He’s broken out of his frantic musings by the sound of footsteps and shimmers coming closer.
Well.
While it’s more than a little crude to ask an esteemed guest and hero to look for his pet dog…
✦—————————————✦
“Friend!”
Perhaps this wasn’t one of his better ideas.
“FRIEEEND!”
Definitely less than stellar.
“FRIEND, WHERE ARE YOU?”
“Positively arcadian,” he quietly murmurs. Were you here, you would’ve swallowed a laugh, shoulders stiff and a smile threatening to spill onto your face, wide as a crack in a glacier. When he glances up, however, a faint smile on his lips, he sees only Paimon.
“What did you say?” she asks, and he shakes his head politely.
A part of him wonders if he should just yield. Heavens know where Friend is now, and if she really hasn’t responded to all this noise, there’s a good chance she never will.
She’s a clever dog, after all, with a certain precious quality no mercenary could pass up. The thought of her somewhere, afraid and maltreated sends a stave through his heart. She deserved a better name than Friend. Kyryllmirovna, perhaps?
He exhales, and the air before him shimmers violently. Paimon flinches and ducks behind Lumine.
“Paimon’s never seen him lose his cool before,” she loudly whispers. Flins bites back a second sigh.
He’s looked all over Nasha Town already, and even made his way south through the Nothing Passage, to the Eye of Kratti. He went as far as to make Aino a visit, and emphasised to her that Friend meant more to him than even her little robots, to her. (This served only to anger her, although Ineffa had offered to keep an eye out).
“I suppose there is nothing left to do,” he quietly says at length. He cannot think of a single more place she could be. “Ky– Friend is lost to me for good.”
“Oh– no, Flins, don’t give up yet!” Lumine exclaims. Bunching up her fists, she shakes them at him encouragingly. “We haven’t even asked Jahoda yet! And we could visit Lauma and make her ask all the animals around!”
“Friend has a reputation for sniffing out treasure, Miss.” Flins clicks his tongue, looking more transparent than ever. “If someone has seized her, with the number of arrivals and departures Nasha Town’s port witnesses on the daily, I…” he trails off. Before he can speak again, someone in the distance does.
“Moons,” they cry, “you really are a bitch– agh, my bag!”
“Careful! Should I chase it away?”
“Don’t you dare, Miss Zvoni!” says the first voice. There’s a bark, the sound of someone tripping, then a full, hearty laugh. “This dog– she’s mine! I can’t believe you still remember me, Friend.”
Flins feels his body warm and for a moment, wonders if the blaze inside of him will burgeon right out.
He's unsure of what to feel. So, the little thing went looking for…?
In the past, Flins had often wondered– what does he know of mortal love?
Now, though, he wonders– what does he need to, when his body trembles, when the air before him turns hazy with his hot breath, when the traveller gently tugs on his sleeve and points furtively at her eyes to tell him his are aglow. What does he need to, when he anxiously wraps his fingers round this hair to smooth it down and smother the heat in them? What, when his chest hurts at the sound of your voice, at the smell of you filling his nostrils?
He's glad he's hidden by the tree he was looking for Friend behind, glad for a moment to collect himself. His head hurts and his vision is altogether too bright. When Lumine reaches out to hold him up, he clasps her hand tightly.
"Flins?" Her voice is gentle, but worry is written plainly in the arch of her lips and the furrow between her brows. "Are you okay? Follow my breaths, okay?"
Before Flins can so much as nod, though, Paimon lets out a squeal of delight and flies over to– you.
"Woah, hey!" She kicks her feet midair in delight. "What are you doing here?"
"Paimon!” you laugh. “I live here! Well– I used to. Probably not anymore. That was a while ago."
"Here as in Nasha Town or here as in this house?"
"Both, silly. I used to be a Lightkeeper, you know. I was the best of them all."
Flins hears Zvoni snort, and then you laugh again. Every giggle makes his heart constrict and somehow beat easier all at once. Blind to Lumine's confusion, he braces himself against the tree to simply listen.
"Come now, Zvoni, I really was. Why else do you think Nikita himself sent you to fetch me?”
"He told me you were a friend,” Zvoni teases, made easy in your presence already. Flins smiles. “He did not comment on your talent nor your skill."
You huff. "Turns out we're not friends, then. I'll still do him a favour and join you guys, though."
"Seriously?" Paimon leans closer, incredulous. "After all that, you want to take on the Abyss again?”
Flins hears the rustle of fabric, and sees you shrug plainly in his mind's eye.
"I can always run to Lumi for help again,” you say, “Speaking of, where is she?”
Flins stiffens, then straightens in the same breath that Paimon chirps– “right here! With our new friend, hehe.”
“Ooh, new friend?”
Saying so, you cheerily step inside of the gate– your gate– and glance round to first see Lumine, then Flins himself.
How odd, he thinks. He imagined all of your movements precisely. The sprite in his mind and the you of the physical world act the same. You stepped in and turned on your heel, your head tipped tightly to the side, a smile still on your lips. Your fingers are even busy patting Friend’s massive head, just the way he knew they would be.
But you look so different– although the change is perhaps exacerbated by the long years of your absence. And, perhaps, mortals are just more used to gleefully changing when no one is looking.
You're skin is darker. Your features are softer and rounder, the sort that come about with plenty of rest. Your fingers have new scars on them and your arms are thicker.
The greys he'd sometimes spot in your hair are now impossible to see, however. You heft your bag– the one he gave you, he realises– with the same arm that had once housed the evil he'd thought would take you.
And your expression– your expression–
“Flins?” you whisper.
Gone is your liveliness. In just a moment, he watches you still, wide eyed. The bag drops heavily onto the grass as you raise a hand up to your lips.
For a moment, everything is still. Lumine purses her lips as Zvoni and Paimon give you concerned glances. This seems to make your earlier theatrics dawn on you. Blinking your tears rapidly away, you try for a laugh and his chest constricts at the sight of your tongue slipping nervously out of your lips to lick them.
Flins knows he ought to offer some justification for this reaction– and you seem to be having the same thoughts. Before either of you can turn to Zvoni, however, Lumine picks the moment to play the hero. Thank goodness.
“Oh– Paimon, remember we needed to check, um. Something at the port? Miss Zvoni, could you take us there?”
Before Zvoni can protest, Lumine tugs her and Paimon speedily away. Flins catches the latter’s angry squeaks carrying on the wind– “what is the meaning… Are you doing–” before they're too far to be heard.
There's several moments of silence, then. Flins resolves to thank his golden hero later as he watches you watch the trio go, and wordlessly helps carry the rest of your luggage to the porch. You eye him keenly as he reaches into his pockets to pull out a key, then blink as he offers it to you on a gloved palm. He hopes you don't notice the way his hands shake.
His shyness dissipates a little when he sees you tremble too. Your fingers first miss the key to begin with, then fumble with the lock. Flins waits patiently, content to simply look at you.
“So,” you say, as the door clicks open. You survey the clean interior and look at Friend’s already full water bowl for several moments before turning instinctively toward the shoe-rack to slide your boots off. “How have you been, Flins?”
“I have been,” he simply answers as you both step inside and toward the mantel to place your keys atop it, in their usual place. He's relieved then to see the tension leave your shoulders as a smile creeps upon your lips. They look soft– clearly Sumeru’s winds have treated you better than Nod Krai’s.
“I have too, yeah. Then I met Lumine some months ago, and I was good.” You smile at him, and he sees your eyes moisten once more. “I've been counting the hours till I could see you again.”
A tear slips past your lashes and runs speedily down your cheek. Flins catches it at your jaw and it soaks slowly into his glove.
“I heard Miss Lumine cleansed the abyssal corruption inside of you,” he murmurs, and you nod, not stepping away. His breath hitches. “I owe her more for it than anything else.”
You laugh softly. He wishes he could trap the sound inside of him, where his heart would be were he human. “A fae owing someone?” You ask. “I thought you folk preferred having the upper hand.”
Flins remains silent.
What is he to say, when you stand so close to him, letting his fingers rest on your shoulder? When you look at him so carefully, as though committing him to memory? When your eyes catch on his, and he feels your pulse quicken when you refuse to look away?
Now Flins truly wishes he knew of mortal love, for he is tempted beyond temptation to kiss you, but knows not if he may see it returned. For a recluse that vies for distance from society, he suddenly wishes to understand its every minutiae; for someone so determined to remain unattached to it, he's unsure of how to tell you he's been the string wound round your finger for nearly a decade now.
How odd– for him to owe you, despite the numerous favours he's bestowed upon you. Somehow your happy thank yous and grateful smiles seem to amount to more than his every kindness.
He’s wanted you here for so long– he’s dreamt up so many pretty compliments to give you– but when he reaches inside of him he finds them replaced by a thrumming desperation. Now that you're before him, truly, he finds himself tongue tied. He knows he needs to speak, even if simply to fill the silence. Something lighthearted, or something welcoming and yet all that leaves him is a gentle–
“I have not had the upper hand in many years now.”
You shakily exhale; he wishes he knew why. “Oh?”
You'd tried for your usual cheeriness, Flins knows, but your voice came out as a murmur he wishes he could swallow. He does swallow; but your words slide past your lips into empty air instead of into his own. All he can do is hum in response, and you let out a quick breath, an almost laugh.
There’s a stilted pause that somehow still isn’t made uncomfortable. You finally reach up and press Flins’ free hand between both of yours. Looking up at him, now somewhat having regained your composure, you speak.
“Thank you, Flins, for everything you did for me while I was here, and while I was away. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to contact you– I tried, I really did, but there was just no possibility of it until Natlan’s war against the Abyss finally ended.” You inhale. “I met the Traveler and Paimon some months back– and I came here as soon as I recovered.”
You exhale shakily once more. Tugging his hand to your lips, you press a kiss to his gloved knuckles. Running a thumb over the spot, you quietly tell him– that you’ve missed him.
In spite of this, you’re somehow startled when he raises your fingers to his for a reciprocal kiss. First to your knuckles, then your open fingertips and finally your palm, before he lowers your hands whilst still keeping them engulfed in his.
“May I ask a favour of you?” He quietly asks.
For a moment, you’re too stunned to respond– both because of his actions and yours. You can’t find it in yourself to be displeased, though. There’s a little sliver of budding hope inside of you that is fast sprouting into something larger. Flins’ eyes look to you more golden than ever, and in them you see a strained urgency you feel needs a response. And so when you nod, breathless, Flins draws in breath, whilst simultaneously leaning closer to you.
When he begins speaking, he does so with his eyes on your entwined hands. “I… do not know where to begin. What I do know, however, is that I have felt your absence keenly; that I do not wish to feel it again.” He brings his eyes up to yours, and the sun comes out, creeping into the room and across his eyes through the crack in the curtains, setting them aglow.
You cannot breathe.
Flins can’t either, it seems. When he continues, his voice is strangled. You wait for him to regain his composure, but your heart swells at the realisation that he is content to be discomposed before you.
“Please,” he begs. “I do not know what mortals call love, but I am made foolish by you. Please. Even if all I am allowed is to light your doorstep, keep me close. I have never begged before, but I will beg forevermore if you'll let me. Even your glances are enough. Please, do not leave me. Not again. Please.”
When all you can do is stare at him, he stares back, downy lashes aflutter with nerves. And when you reach up to gently kiss him, you feel him melt as he wraps his arms around you.
reblogs are vv greatly appreciated! ♡♡
Hi hi!! Thank you so much if you've made it all the way here! You deserve a little kith for your troubles <33
Also, I'd appreciate everyone checking out my beloved friend @sizzles-z-4002's pinned post!! They make the most wonderful art and their commission prices are vv affordable <333
And lastly– like I said before, Friend may have eaten some ginger cookies in this fic, but please don’t feed any to your actual dogs! A little is okay, but always check the ingredients list carefully and contact your vet just in case any time your pet eats something out of their recommended diet :3 <3
After an age of knowing one another, you and Xiao shoot your shot at intimacy <3
Xiao x fem!reader, 13.4k words. (No mention of Reader's gender or pronouns is made, however.)
CW: fluff, then angst and fluff again, established relationship, emotional intimacy, soft smut (MDNI), body worship, cunnilingus, grinding, creampie, brief mentions of abuse and sexual assault (Xiao).
Note: everyone, you have @hhhecates and @sizzles-z-4002 to thank for this fic– without them descending upon me like that one Overwatch Mercy meme, this would never have been beta-read and you'd have to slog through much nonsense like “no mortal sane mortal” and “he nots.”
Also, do make sure to check out @sizzles-z-4002 ‘s pinned post! They do the most wonderful art and their commission prices are incredibly affordable. I'd appreciate you checking them out very, very much <33
Ah, and one last thing– I really do like to think of this fic as the precursor to Mornings, although the similarities really were a complete coincidence :>
The first time Xiao makes love to you, he’s breathless and pliant and eager, hot to the touch, forehead pressed to yours as he watches you catch your breath, pupils constricted to slits in his excitement. Xiao is quick to act on the behalf of another, but the opposite when it comes to his own needs– and particularly his own wants.
And Xiao has wanted you like this for a long, long while– pinned beneath him, in the dappled shadow of his massive, arching wings, panting and wide eyed, your swollen lips glinting with your saliva and his own, aglow with the most beautiful, eager smile.
Contrary to his own, mortal pupils blow out in their excitement. Xiao wonders if this is what it means when some of your more debauched books mention eyes darkening in desire. His keen eyes have always spotted your pupils widening the moment your eyes land on him (and his heart aches every time at the real, physical confirmation of your love) but right now you are something else entirely, soft and pliant and warm in his caressing fingers.
His eyes flick quickly around your naked form– there, your vision, caught in the bunched up clothes right by your head– good. You are safe from him.
He sighs and smiles a smile he cannot suppress when your eyes follow his and you laugh.
“I’m okay,” you reassure. Still smiling, you reach up a hand to lovingly cup his face, palm adjusting beneath his jaw, fingers shifting to cradle him still more gently. He gulps. His wings tremble. His heart hurts. And so when you make your first request of the evening, he is quick to heed it. “So,” you say, a devilish grin lighting up your face, and he leans nearer without even realising. “Come closer, please.”
Xiao doesn’t need to be told twice.
Shuffling closer above you, he leans lower and props himself on his elbows instead of his palms as you tug him towards yourself. You brush your lips against his and still, looking at him adorably through your eyelashes. Even now, you wait for him to bridge the gap between your lips.
Xiao does.
Of all the things he’s ever tasted, you just might be his favourite– which is odd, because more often than not you simply taste like whatever it is that you’ve had that day. He wonders if, in a roundabout way, that makes all your favourite flavours his favourites as well. Today there’s no particular taste, save for the slight, smooth bitterness of the remnants of the balm previously smeared across your lips. He licks it away.
You pull him closer as he does so, pressing your lips against his lower lip, teeth gently tugging at it as he shifts and presses his mouth against your own again. You feel the weight of his torso settle softly on yours, made heavier by the several buffeting pairs of wings along his back. The smaller ones near his neck flex and fold backward and the downy ones by his hips shift closer to your bodies. Xiao’s hair drapes across your face and the largest pair of wings shudders in unison with his body as you drag your nails gently across his scalp with one hand, and his back with the other. Purring softly into your mouth, he speeds up, kisses turning harried as you rub your fingers against his shoulders, then his back, then between the smaller pair of honey-and-teal wings.
Xiao could go on forever– and, you think as you open your eyes to see his face so close, eyes blissfully shut as he tips his head to lean closer once more– that he would if you did not need to breathe. You give a shuddering gasp and turn your face to the side, chest heaving as you catch your breath. Xiao runs his fingers against your sweaty side, raining open mouthed kisses along your jaw, along your cheek, and a sweet, lingering one against the corner of your lips as an apology.
Another purr rumbles inside of his chest as he remains that way for a few moments, lips pressed to your cheek. You sometimes wonder if he just enjoys the feel of something soft against his mouth.
You also wonder if, today, you’ll finally make love to one another. Not that you have a problem with waiting some more– well, perhaps a very small one, but regardless. If patience did not come easily to you, you wouldn’t be here to begin with.
It took long years of friendship to find romance with Xiao, and still more time for more… physical forms of affection. And even then, simply being with Xiao is a practice in tact and patience.
Not that you’ll ever complain. Catching sight of his previously rare, but quickly becoming more frequent smiles, falling into his arms after a long day, grabbing his face in your palms and peppering kisses all over him as a silent laugh rumbles deep in his chest, watching him unwrap the increasingly absurd presents sent by his friends and sniggering as he sighs and wonders what he’s to do with an extra small– and yet too large– mawashi… you wouldn’t trade that for quite literally anything.
But you’re curious regardless, to see how far this goes.
You’ve been in the nude around Xiao before– you’ve learned not to be shy, with how much you’re around him to begin with. Whining about your day as you step out of the shower, stumbling around looking for the clothes you could’ve sworn you set out as you simultaneously attempt to remember where you put the sweets you got Xiao, letting him wash your hair and back, washing his in return. And it’s not like you’ve never made out before, or pinned him down, or been pinned beneath him.
But you’ve never been nude and a damp, eager mess beneath him, all at once. Not before today.
And you haven’t seen him so unwilling to meet your eyes in years, not since you’d first held hands, since you’d first gathered the courage to kiss, since you’d first tugged him closer to you in bed to cuddle him. You’ve known Xiao long enough to know perfectly– that the moment you meet his eyes, you’ll see the bashfulness he has so far taken pains to carefully conceal.
As your breaths even out, Xiao, lacing his fingers with yours, leans in to kiss you again. A smile you can’t bite back ends up breaking the kiss– Xiao is greedy today, and greedy Xiao is your favourite Xiao.
“Greedy bird.” You giggle, and he sighs softly against your cheek, his own flushing with colour.
“Devious creature,” he grumbles. You laugh and kiss him again.
Nothing happens that day.
✦—————————————✦
Few things irk Xiao as much as his own inadequacies. Or his cowardice.
He hoped one thing would lead to one another, but what he refuses to learn is this– a hand reaching out means nothing if he does not take it.
Xiao loathes that he leaves you hanging every time.
From what he can see– from what he can tell– you do not mind. You care far too much for his comfort– beyond anything else. You hold out your arms and wait for him to walk into them. Cup his face and wait for him to lean closer before you kiss it. Tell him before you entertain guests so he’s prepared to socialise, if he so chooses. Brush your lips to his and wait for them to slot against your own.
Waiting, waiting, every time.
It's not fair.
The worst of it is– Xiao had wanted you, with a desperation that was so, so difficult to grapple. He’d wanted you, beautiful and warm and pulsing with anticipation. The only thing that makes this worse is that you’d wanted him too, and it was so obvious he could smell it on you.
In the privacy of the karsts– he buries his face in his hands with a groan. You’re being foolish, he tells himself sternly. Something inside of him curls into a tighter ball, something small and scared. It scratches at his insides, pleading hopelessly. Xiao ignores it. All you have to do, he tells himself, is to just do it.
✦—————————————✦
Easy enough, he thinks, when he sees you seated on the floor, a pile of old clothes scattered all around you. Even just that is enchanting– everything about you is. The arch of your arm when you reach out to grab something, the way your hair falls round your face. He watches you chuck some clothes in a pile with a pretty flick of your wrist, and hold some others up to survey.
You seem to be occupied in mending those you can salvage, and turning the rest into rags for other purposes. He remembers the trousers you’re eyeing right now– they’re quite a few years old now, and don’t quite fit right, but they’re in good condition regardless.
He can almost hear you muse in your mind– what to do? Before you shrug and toss them into the pile of clothes you mean to keep. He pauses on the threshold of your balcony, a little touched. So you remember– you wore that pair quite a bit when you first met.
Skies, you’re sweet. Few other words encapsulate you the way this one does.
Sliding off his shoes, he leaves them on the bedroom balcony as he steps soundlessly inside. Your face catches the evening light as you tilt your head back, sensing him regardless, and he returns your smile with a smaller one of his own as you rest your palms behind and lean back on them.
“Hey.”
“Hello.” He crouches down next to you and you shove your face into his, begging for a kiss. An inaudible laugh bubbles deep in his chest as he kisses your nose, then lands a quick kiss on your lips. “What are you doing?”
“Sorting clothes. It's a chore weekend.” You groan. “I thought I'd be done way sooner but this is taking really long.”
“Shall I prepare dinner, then?”
You blink at him. He notices a piece of lint near your jaw and brushes it away. “I know it’s my turn–” you start apologetically and he shakes his head, cutting you off.
“What would you like to eat?”
✦—————————————✦
Xiao is acting… strange.
He’s normal, but there is somehow an urgency to his nonchalance that has you narrowing your eyes a little. You’re presently occupied with the dishes. Xiao offered to head to bed earlier and clean up the room a little, which is perfectly mundane, and yet...
You’re ruminating over what exactly it is that set off little alarms in your mind when you notice a presence behind you again, just as Xiao settles his palms on your hips, tugging you against him and pressing his cheek against your shoulder.
You blink and lean into him as he makes a satisfied, avian click sound. You smile.
“Did you need something?” You ask as you rinse the last few utensils. Xiao hums.
You wash your hands and Xiao reaches to fetch you a hand towel. Thanking him, you smush a cheek to his as you pat your hands dry.
Something is most definitely afoot.
His current bearing reminds you a little of the time he got you some elaborate presents some years back, all arranged beautifully on your bed. Xiao isn’t very vocal about his wants or feelings, but when overcome, he’s quite the poet. This has the same energy– of something simmering beneath the surface, waiting for the lid to be lifted.
You’re a little concerned now, really. He’s alert– too alert. The Karmic Debt saps at his strength with persistent viciousness, and so by the end of a long week, you’re used to seeing droopy, fluttery eyelashes. Relaxed shoulders, a tilted head. However, Xiao seems alert. A haughty bearing, feathery lashes upright, instead of nearly brushing his cheeks in tiredness.
Should you ask, or is this something that does not warrant it?
His manner right now is that of insistent nonchalance. Perhaps it’s something that doesn’t yet demand worry? You watch, nonplussed, as he brushes a hand against yours and pads softly to bed.
He’s out of his usual outfit, into something softer and more casual. A worn-looking half placket shirt and an equally used pair of soft cotton pants– Xiao likes to stick to items he’s already used to, not being the fondest of change. If he likes something he'll keep it until it quite literally falls apart. He looks almost mournful whenever he has to discard something, and you could've sworn you saw guilt on his face when he picked up some new casual wear with a heavy, heavy sigh. Archons, you love him. But you digress.
You're about to make your way to the bathroom when you see Xiao insistently open his arms. Chuckling, you gently swat a moth away from your bedside lamp and clamber into bed instead. Your beloved has a peculiar habit of settling the pillows around in a semicircle to almost resemble a nest, and truth be told you’ve gotten so used to it that it’s difficult now to sleep without. It is supremely comfortable.
You flop onto the bed with a groan. First taking a moment to lazily stretch, you open your arms to Xiao instead, who blinks and obligingly slides into them. You tug him closer to your chest. He sighs softly against your collarbone.
“How was your day?” He murmurs. His breath washes over your collar, over your neck. It brushes your ear. Xiao shuffles closer, settling his body firmly against yours.
You comb his hair away from his face with your fingers. “It was good. Normal. Nothing interesting happened today.” You bump your jaw against the side of his head. He burrows further into your neck. “You?”
“The same.” A comfortable pause settles over the both of you. You figure he'd like a massage to assuage the stiffness in his joints, but when your fingers glide across his back and press into his shoulder blades, instead of melting into you, Xiao stiffens in response.
You freeze. Did you accidentally probe an injury? Is he uncomfortable? “Beloved?”
Xiao does not respond. You pull away, frowning, searching his flushed face for the problem, then shift slowly up on your elbows, about to ask again, when the problem occurs to you upon spotting the blush gracing his cheeks.
“Is this– is something wrong, my love?”
“No.” Pressing his lips in a thin line, he glares at you through lowered lashes, though there's no bite to it. “Just come to bed.” Ah.
You tilt your head. The flush creeps further, past his jaw, to his neck. You have no clue what's gotten him so aroused– to say you’re startled at the suddenness of it would be an understatement– but you suspect he's been pent up for a while, and your petting and caressing his sensitive back can't have made things easier for him.
You bite back a snicker. Two paths are laid out before you. The first– give in to his wishes (and yours.) The second– give in, but only after he begs for it in that voice of his, softened to a croon with desperation like last time.
Every cell in your body craves the second path. Your simian brain flicks out its tongue and tee-hees at the thought. The more rational side of you, however, reluctantly swallows the lizard whole.
Sex is supposed to be fun for everyone, and if Xiao can't comfortably partake, it stops being so.
You'll tease him when you know he can take it– but for now, you smile at him, bright and glowing with mischief, and he sighs relievedly as you lean over him on one elbow and cup his face in your free hand.
“May I?” You ask.
When Xiao answers, he sounds almost pained. His eyes are bright gold, luminous in the dimness, pupils diminished to slitted pinpricks.
“Please.” He croaks.
Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay, maybe a little.
“Please what?” You ask with a cheshire smile and he presses his head deeper into the pillow with a groan. Even his throat is flushed. You press yourself against him as you kiss it softly and his chest rumbles with a purr.
“Well?” You continue littering kisses over his neck, then lower, then pause. “My love?”
Xiao looks toward you and Archons. You wish you could paint and frame his expression right now. Flushed cheeks, drooping lashes and narrowed eyes, the pupils little dots. His lips are slightly ajar– and you watch, mesmerized, as he nervously licks them without meaning to.
The lizard in your head swoons and explodes.
“I…” he begins to speak, then exhales and glances away, still flushed. Now that you're atop him, his problem is yet more evident, prodding your belly. Xiao’s eyes narrow further, but annoyance and nonchalance cannot act as his shields when you know them to only be illusions.
“Hm?” You splay a palm against his chest and with the other arm still holding you up, you lean into him from above. Your nose brushes his. You grin again and this time he smiles too as he groans. You giggle. “May I?”
“Yes. Please.”
Well, you've made him wait long enough. Finally, you tip your head to brush your lips against his. Xiao responds first in kind, then with more vigour, cupping your face in his palms and drawing you ever closer, lips insistently pressing and caressing your own.
When finally you pull away, pressing a palm against his now damp-with-sweat chest to push yourself up, his hands wander down your sides to land on your hips. One of his palms splays against the small of your back, holding you in place over his crotch and your already erratic heartbeats speed up further. Xiao slips a finger beneath the hem of your pants with his other hand, raising his eyebrows in a ‘may I?’ gesture– the nonchalance of which is utterly ruined by his dewy, swollen lips, his flushed face and neck. You attempt to fluster him further by tugging your shirt off in one go and also run smack into embarrassment as you get stuck in it, thanks to your body being clammy with sweat.
You feel Xiao jump beneath you as you suddenly shake with quiet laughter. His palms now brace against your ass to hold you in place. You struggle against the confines of your evil shirt for several seconds until Xiao’s own soft laugh stills you. When you make a muffled sound of delight at it he laughs harder, a soft, breathy laugh, his torso vibrating beneath you, and you can’t help but smile.
Well. If your foolishness serves to make him more comfortable– you’ll happily play clown.
Xiao finally sits up, gently depositing you between his legs. Pressing his long fingers against the nape of your neck, he tugs you closer before finally helping take the shirt off. You sigh dramatically. “So much for sensuality.”
Shaking his head, a smile still gracing his beautiful features, Xiao leans forward, lips brushing yours. His hands trail slowly to your rear again as he tugs you closer against him. Nestled up against him like this, his problem is made still more evident– but it’ll have to wait just a little longer.
Holding Xiao’s face in a palm, you continue to kiss him, your other hand sliding over his shoulder to scratch and rub his back again. Xiao makes a soft sound against your mouth at that and it takes everything within you to keep still and not slam him back into your pillows to fuck him senseless.
Patience, you remind yourself, your thighs pressing tightly against his sides, itching to press together. Consistence.
If only Xiao could hear your thoughts right now.
You can imagine what he’d look like if he did– wide eyes and fluttering lashes that eventually narrow in retaliation. Flushed face, neck damp with sweat.
The realisation of that view no longer remaining imaginary has you gasping into Xiao’s mouth as his lips press at you still more insistently, tongue stroking your own. Your teeth click together as Xiao slowly pushes you back, lowering you onto the mattress whilst continuing to kiss you.
Senselessly, you try to quell the clamant heat between your legs again by drawing your thighs closer, but ngh into his mouth when he softly growls and presses against you. Your thighs push uselessly against his waist again. Too slow, you think deliriously. Too much.
You can’t breathe.
Letting out a shuddering gasp, you push at Xiao’s chest with a hand, the other still steady on his back. Xiao is quick to pull away. He reaches behind for some pillows with a large, clawed hand and lifts you towards himself to set them behind you to lay on more comfortably. You sink back into them with breathlessly murmured thanks, a hand still clutching his shoulder to keep him close. Xiao brings up your other hand to his lips and worriedly presses a kiss to your fingers in apology.
“I just– need to catch my breath.” You laugh softly, and Xiao’s worries visibly melt– his stiffened shoulder relaxes beneath your fingers as you rub soothing circles into it. Claws returning to hands, he cups your face gently and plants a soft kiss on your nose, his expression far more relaxed than it was just a moment ago.
“I apologise,” he mumbles repentantly against your cheek before pressing a kiss to it. “I became hasty.”
“I’ll forgive you if you never apologise for that again,” you answer. “Deal?”
Xiao huffs his quiet laugh into your shoulder, and you yank him even closer to pepper kisses along the side of his head. “Yes,” he agrees, voice muffled by your chest.
“Deal?”
“Why must you insist on making me say it?” Xiao once again props himself up on an arm, the remnants of a smile still lingering on his lips. You tug him down towards you to kiss it, sweetly smoothing back his hair from his face. “Fine,” he murmurs against your mouth, and when you open your eyes, his eyes are aglow like lamplight. Your body feels like hot coal– ready to blaze at a moment’s notice.
“Deal,” Xiao finally says, before once again sealing your lips to his with a kiss. When you hungrily tug his body flush against yours and lick into his mouth, he lets out a whimper that has you groaning against his lips.
Xiao is kind enough to accommodate your mortal limits this time– tugging away before he could begin to suffocate you, pressing wet yet burning open mouthed kisses in a line drawn from your jaw to your bare shoulder.
When he suddenly draws away and your eyes– shut from the kiss– finally open, the sight before you has you wrapping your legs around Xiao’s hips for the umpteenth time with a grumble deep in your throat. Xiao, occupied with tugging his shirt off, over his shoulders. Your eyes run shamelessly along the length of his lean, defined arms, to his muscular abdomen, to the tattoos along his pelvis. You’re certain you look like a dog right now, drooling and wide eyed and– oh.
Oh.
Wings erupt from Xiao’s back, the undersides full and soft and teal, rimmed with the deepest gold you’ve ever seen– gold that stretches further along his wings, down to his back. Your eyes run instantly to the hints of black undulating along Xiao’s arms. He narrows his eyes contemplatively, flushed lips parting to let out a breath so potent it washes over you.
The dark spots frisking along Xiao’s arms sink into his skin and for a moment it looks as though there is ink bubbling beneath. A leathery complexion stretches out over his forearms, fading into existence along his biceps, reminiscent of the scaly feet of a bird. The lamplight casts a sheen all over him, as though it even needs to, when your beloved is so glorious and luminous on his own.
Xiao presses his giant talons against your shoulders, pinning you to the bed. They’re huge enough that a claw stretches across one collarbone and brushes the other. When you shift your legs, you feel your underwear stick to you with sweat and far more.
“Oh,” Xiao says, blinking innocently at his claws, as though you aren’t less human and more just a degenerate carved of flesh and desire beneath him. “I cannot touch you with these,” he says, and forlornly retracts them with twin flicks of his wrists, the scaly skin fading just as quickly.
“What?” You gasp. The gall of this man, to allow you a glimpse of heaven before cruelly snatching it away. “Yes, you can! I mean– if you’re comfortable–”
Xiao shushes you with one slender, beautiful finger to your lips. “No,” he answers, and the flush returns to his face. “I– what I mean to do is not possible with them.”
You give him a look of abject despair. You swear you see his lips twitch. “What do you intend to do?”
Xiao’s shoulders tense. When he speaks, his words are stained with uncertainty.
“I intended to ease… your problem– only if you do not mind.”
Your problem? You absently shift a leg into a more comfortable position, and the warm dampness in your underwear rubs against your thighs.
Ah. Well. You’re aroused, not thoughtless. You have no intention of making your sweetling push himself on your account. If he is uncomfortable– this never needs to happen.
“I don’t mind,” you tell him in your gentlest voice, trying desperately not to whimper hungrily as he tilts his head, his wings giving a little accompanying twitch. His semi-divine form has always been among your direst weaknesses. “But– I only want it if you’re comfortable as well.”
Xiao’s eyes first widen, lips parting as they yield a soft sigh of relief. Then, his avian eyes narrow, wings canting steeply behind him, casting you into darkness.
“I am,” Xiao affirms, in a voice lowered in octave by finality. “So, lie down.”
Shit.
“How long have you–?” You splutter, made suddenly shy by his unexpected fervor. “I mean–”
“This entire evening.” Undoing the laces, Xiao shucks off your pants with a quick movement, an eyebrow rising elegantly at the state of your panties.
Before he can speak, you do. “Listen,” you say, pawing at his pants and he grabs your hands in his, making you stay still. He undoes your bra and tugs it off as you blabber on. “The second you feel like you want to back out– we stop, alright?”
“Yes,” he says in a voice that sounds like a whine. He looks as though it’s taking every fibre of muscle in his body to keep his eyes on yours and not drop lower. “Now will you please– may I–?”
Quietly, you thank Morax for the blessing you’ve just been bestowed with, with the added prayer of ‘please actually be dead so you don’t really hear this.’
“May you what?” You can’t help but ask innocently, and Xiao’s wings rustle with indignation as he covers his eyes with a low groan. You try your hardest to not appear as gleeful as you feel.
It’s less about the sex and more about the fact that he is willing and eager for it, really. Xiao is ancient– mortal measures of time mean little to him, so while in his eyes he is slow to trust, in yours he is positively glacial. You don’t consider it a sacrifice– how could you, when Xiao is warmth crafted in the form of a being so sweet he makes your chest ache?
And for someone so precious and sweet and kind, for someone so cherished to entrust you with first his heart and right now, in this moment, his being?
You hope Xiao thinks the glint in your eyes is degeneracy and not tears.
Your amusement may keep you afloat for now but you know beyond a doubt that this moment will seize you by the ribs some day and make them shake with tears.
However, that can wait, because Xiao is descending upon you once more, fingers creeping slowly up your legs. Bracing his palms against your thighs, he looks at you, completely open, eyes beseeching.
Softly, he asks, “may we make love to one another? Please?”
Oh, Archons, you think, and respond by tugging him up for a kiss.
Xiao is quick to breathe a sigh of relief against your mouth– and even quicker now to reach for your panties, sliding his calloused fingers down the sides of your hips, then effortlessly hoisting your ass up on an inhumanely strong arm to get them off.
When he speaks again, his voice is coarse and he is once again straining to keep his eyes from wandering lower when that is all you want them to do.
Fighting off the urge to grit your teeth, you remind yourself– Patience,
“Yes?” you ask gently.
“Is this alright?” Your beloved foolishly asks.
Morax. Morax come back to life–
“Dearest,” you all but whimper. “I’ll ask you to stop if I’m uncomfortable, and if you ever are, please do the same. Now if you could please– mpfh–”
“Thank you,” Xiao breathes against your mouth as your nude body hits the pillows and is instantly overrun by his first hesitant– then insistent– hands. His fingers first grab onto you gently– the flesh of your hips, the curve of your waist– until they go higher, higher, against your shoulders first to carefully tuck your hair over the pillows, then lower, lower, to your breasts. Xiao continues to kiss you, teeth tugging at your lower lip as he braces his palms against your sides and brushes his thumbs against your nipples. They’re already stiff with excitement, and cold due to your cooling sweat.
Xiao’s wings curl on the bed on either side of you, trapping heat and sound, shielding you both as though the walls themselves had eyes. They brush against your waist, ticklish, and you buck into Xiao in response.
Again, you can’t breathe. Xiao’s swollen mouth is more insistent than ever, caressing and kissing and tasting you. You don’t want to pull away, you really don’t– not with his lithe body pressed to yours and oh, certainly not with his clothed knee coming up to press firmly against your cunt, your sticky arousal smearing all over it. Dazedly, you thank the stars for said ruined clothes being a purchase of the mortal world, and not one of Adeptus Minu’s creations. Xiao does so dislike them getting dirty, you think dazedly.
Beginning to once again feel the familiar ache of dizziness, you’re about to pull away from the kiss when Xiao does so for you, mouth latching softly at the corner of your lips instead, allowing you to breathe. A string of spit is pulled taut between you briefly as he does so, and you can feel it fall back onto your lips, cooled by its brief advent in the air. It warms on your mouth.
Xiao’s fingers are now rubbing against your nipples in earnest, sending trails of heat running throughout your already overwarm body. You give a soft, breathless ah at that, which makes Xiao freeze in the act of trailing kisses up and down your neck.
Instead, he brings his mouth lower, wings now tilted in a posture that betrays a certain hauteur, whilst still soundly covering you both, shielding you from the outside world.
You wonder what the two of you need shielding from, in the privacy of your home– but realise quickly that Xiao has been more vocal with you since pulling them out. Does he feel safer with them covering you both?
You’re broken out of your thoughts by Xiao’s spit-slicked lips latching softly onto a nipple, tongue lying flat against your areola. He circles it slowly whilst gently tugging on your other nipple with his fore and middle finger. You feel like a doll covered in webbed spidersilk, and Xiao’s tugs make the skeins tighten across your body, sending sparks in arcs from your breasts to your belly, then to your cunt. You gasp raggedly, twitching beneath him when he sucks at your nipple then, tongue pressing the tip tight against the roof of his mouth, teeth grazing your areola, first hard, then gently, as Xiao’s fingers work on your other breast in tandem.
Your hands clutch at the sheets on either side of you, then come up hastily to his hair, tugging on the strands, scratching at his scalp. Xiao’s wings buffet once, twice, smacking into the ceiling with a muffled thud before coiling around you again. The warm, stale breaths cocooned inside of them thrashes out, and the rush of new, cool air brushes your cunt, still held open against him. Pressing yourself further against his knee in a weak attempt to grind against it, you whimper as Xiao continues to ignore it and instead, switches his ministrations, licking and biting a path to bridge your breasts. The one wettened by his spit had made an obscene pop when he let go, and you’re drunkenly replaying the sound in your mind when his fingers latch onto it, tugging and pressing.
Craving some friction between your legs, yet not daring to move any more on account of possibly bringing Xiao discomfort, you whine, hoping he'll notice the dampness at his knee– how hasn't he already?– and his love-bites turn still more frantic, before softening again at your gasps. Xiao lays repenting kisses upon the bruises in return, running his warm palms soothingly up and down your waist.
Eventually, when you begin to tug him closer, he reaches your other breast with his mouth. Continuing to tease it with his tongue, he runs a calloused finger down the swell of your breast, then your belly, and– oh– finally, finally–
No. No. Why is his thumb rubbing your thigh instead, when he should be knuckle deep within–
Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
Xiao releases your puffy nipple with a lewd pop, and kisses it gently farewell, breath wafting over it before trailing his warm lips impatiently yet worshipfully between the valley of your breasts, over the curve of your belly, kissing and biting and murmuring sweet nothings of beautiful and beloved and dearest love before landing just above your cunt, warm, heaving breaths wafting across it. Your fingers hide shyly in his hair, nails scratching at his scalp, drunk on a cocktail of nervousness and anticipation.
Slowly, Xiao drags a nail over the inside of your thigh, leaving a trail through the slick already coating it. When he looks up, though, pupils widening in affection, you see something frantic dancing inside of them– an explanation to his drawn out affections.
Wait–
Xiao gathers your fingers in his own hands and holds them, hands encircling your palms to leave the digits hanging out. Slowly, trembling ever so slightly, he kisses each fingertip with a reverence that makes tears prick at your eyes– and, you notice, his.
It instantly has you sitting up with worry– hosting yourself up with your trembling arms, you reach to grab his face in your palms. Xiao blinks at you, looking startled, almost spooked, mouth pulled taut in a thin line. His pupils flick to pinpricks, then back with panic.
Oh no.
"Xiao," you say. "Xiao."
Between his own heaving breaths, he somehow looks at you, through the miasma in his mind, through the thickness in the air. You caress his cheeks with your thumbs, frowning in concern, and he flinches, ever so slightly. Just the merest tremor.
You sound so soft. You sound so sad.
Archons. What has he done now?
"Xiao," you say. Despite everything, your voice tethers him, although somehow it seems untethered instead. There is a hollowness to it, a quiet shatteredness. He watches you swallow as you give him a small, soft smile, born of long years of understanding. A deep, careful exhale.
"Xiao," you say gently, and sit up. Your sternum bumps into the crown of his head as you do. Shifting back, and first steadying him with your calloused hands, you pick up the duvet bundled beside you and spread it open with a heft of your arms. With tenderness that steeply contrasts your strength, you lay it over him, tuck it carefully shut around his wings. He realises he's just been stupidly watching, frozen. A sharp pang of dismay runs through him as he finally realises what you're doing. His eyes widen.
You caress his face again. Cupping a cheek in your palm, you lay a kiss on his forehead.
"Xiao," you say. "Let's stop."
Xiao says nothing.
“My love?” Tugging Xiao closer towards you gently, you kiss his damp forehead once more, brushing away the hair from his sweat slicked face. Your eyes scan him searchingly. His wings curl around you, pulling you flush against him as he rests his cheek on your soft chest, trembling. “Dearest? Are you alright?”
Xiao still does not answer– he only shuts his eyes, letting out a soft breath. You fall silent, giving him time to compose himself, stroking his hair in worry.
Archons. Is this your doing? Did you push him too far? Remembering his nervousness in the kitchen earlier, you refrain from smacking yourself.
You shove away those thoughts when you feel Xiao’s lips part against your breast. He exhales softly, and you land another gentle, lingering kiss to his temple.
“Take your time,” you reassure. “Everything is alright. Shall I get you some water?”
“No,” Xiao croaks. “Stay here.”
So you stay, stroking his hair, rubbing the warmth slowly back into his arms over the next several minutes. Truth be told, you're fraught with worry, but are comforted by the fact that he has still chosen to remain in your embrace.
Xiao seems to be slowly calming. The trembling gradually gives way to the steady rise and fall of his chest. He shuffles even closer to you. When Xiao finally speaks, he does so in the hushed tones of quiet embarrassment. “I am sorry.”
You frown immediately. “Love, you have nothing to apologise for. It’s alright.”
“I…” Xiao presses his forehead to your collarbone. There's a brief pause, with only your breaths being heard. “I want you desperately,” he whispers at length. “But…”
You hum enquiringly, planting another kiss on his crown, as he finally glances up, now beginning to look both frustrated and desperate in equal halves.
“I did not wish to concern you,” he rasps. He gazes at you searchingly for a long moment while you blink in astonishment, before more words suddenly come bursting out of him. “And it is never my intention to make you care for me. I simply– I am trying. I want this, but it scares me, a little. It is embarrassing. Small things–”
He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, wings snapping back, tossing the duvet off. He looks so agonized. Your heart hurts.
You try not to look as distraught as you feel at his words– what is he talking about? He doesn’t wish to concern you? How are you supposed to not worry for the people you love? And what does he mean by not wanting to make you care for him? Ignoring your shattered expression, Xiao plows on.
“The smallest things– scare me.” He releases a shaky breath, and you instantly wrap your fingers around his, shifting closer. His grip tightens round your palms. “It is not so bad right now– all is well when I know you are here with me. But… I am sorry. I cannot make love to you as frequently you may desire– and it often won’t–”
“Stop.”
Xiao flinches, eyes tightly shut for just a moment before he blinks up at you, looking both surprised and relieved for a moment when he sees your face– who else could it be?– before noticing your expression. Eyes wide open in horror, lashes dotted with tears.
Instantly, he’s gathering you in his arms, apologies raining from his lips but you shake your head and shush him softly, composing yourself.
Skies above, he’s the worst sort of scum that has ever walked this earth. You have shown him nothing but sincere adoration and thoughtful care, and all Xiao can offer in return is unnecessary protection, meager brushes of affection, awkward company and foolish gifts no sane mortal would take.
And now, he’s done even worse– now, he’s made you cry, although as ever, you fight to compose yourself, sternly drawing in breath and letting it slowly out, as you affix your eyes on his.
Knowing that the least he could do is meet them, he lifts up his gaze. When he sees himself reflected in your irises, he sees a person he does not recognise.
You look at him with that familiar expression, of you thinking of what to say. Another problem he thrusts upon you every time, he thinks. The burdens of communication that you unfairly carry more of.
Xiao desperately wishes he were easier to speak to. Xiao wishes he were easier to love.
And so when all you can do is run a hand over your face and gasp, “I love you,” his eyes instantly widen. More tears shine along your waterline, refusing to fall. You blink furiously and Xiao instinctively reaches up a thumb to wipe them away. With similar intuition, you dip your head to meet his fingers, and his throat closes up again at the familiarity of it all.
“Xiao… I– listen.” The way you look at him– you might as well have taken a hammer to his heart. You look so desperate to be heard he instantly leans towards you, hanging carefully into your every word. You continue. “You don’t have to do any of the things you said. You never have to lay with me if you do not wish it– and if you ever do you are free to back out whenever you want. You never have to worry about making me worry. Why would you ever say that?” Your words are tumbling out faster now, a frantic, desperate whirlwind of emotion.
“There is no template to our interactions,” you say, frustrated. Even in your anger you smooth his hair away from his face with nothing but love. “I love you, I could never be angry with you if I tried. I’m not angry even now. I care for you because I like caring for you, I worry about you because I love you, and none of that is going to change. You never– you never have to be pushed into doing something you don’t want to, not even by yourself.”
There’s a beat before Xiao sighs and looks at your shoulder, evidently not wanting to meet your eyes but not wanting to turn away either. “What did I just tell you?” he asks, sounding so lost you immediately tug him even closer once more. His head comes to rest on your shoulder, face buried in the crook of your neck. “I want you,” he whispers, then pulls away to look at you once more. “And I want you now– but I may not know how– and if something– were something to–”
“Hush.” You bump your forehead against Xiao’s mouth and he confusedly kisses it, shutting up as he does so. Seizing the opportunity, you continue.
“There isn’t a need to worry about this,” you promise, calmer now. Xiao feels his shoulders relax the longer he looks at you. You are not angry– you’re even willing still to continue your lovemaking, from what he can tell. “This is just supposed to be fun, and I will tell you if I want something done differently, the same way I’d want you to tell me. But we’re not doing anything unless you also want to, yeah?” You tilt your head enquiringly, asking for confirmation and your restraint is so plainly painted across your sweet features that Xiao feels the last of his nerves melt slowly away the longer he looks at you.
Xiao could look at you forever, to tell the truth. It isn’t even about you being the loveliest being he’s had the honour of laying eyes on, not really. It’s just that he’s looked at you so much that your features fall into place in his mind, one after another, that when he shuts his eyes you’re still right there. It is the knowledge that the face he looks upon is yours. Xiao knows you better than he knows anyone alive today– it has taken years to earn that understanding and trust and that’s what makes it all the sweeter. You have fought him, fought alongside him, had misunderstandings, then cleared up those misunderstandings only to cause even more of them. What you have together and the comfort you find in one another wasn’t foretold by fate, written in the stars– it has nothing to do with soulmates or a pre-written perfect ending. You met by chance and pursued his friendship of your own volition– and with your own hands and choices made together did life snowball into something far sweeter than what he was accustomed to. Destiny did not tie you two together– you simply chose to hold hands, that was all. What you have now you have fought to create– and so when Xiao looks at you, seated so close to him, your face so near he simply has to lean a bit closer to kiss you, he is comforted by the reminder that it is you.
It is this face now, that plainly betrays your desires. Still damp and warm to the touch, eager for more yet practicing careful restraint, all for his sake.
It would be a lie to say he wasn’t scared– but the stronger feeling was one of wanting you, and although his nerves jumped nervously still, the longer he looked at you, the more he could assure himself– that the gentle eyes looking back at him belonged to his beloved, not an old nightmare, a woman crafted of power and terror, a fiendish purveyor of pervasive misery.
And so when he leans closer to you, pressing you slowly against the mattresses once more, it is your soft body that presses against his palms, his torso. When he rests his forehead to yours, it is you he smells, not incense and the coppery scent of blood.
When his eyes open, they meet yours, warm and filled to the brim with adoration. And when he brushes his lips to yours, it is your sweet voice rings out–
“Are you sure, dearest? May I?”
Xiao is quick to kiss you then, gathering you in his arms, any semblance of restraint chipping quickly away. When he feels fingers sliding over his shoulders, scratching and rubbing his back, his neck, shoulders and scalp, he knows they are yours– raising bumps and making his body heat quickly up, but as an expression of your undoing, an action of love, not a reminder of his weakness, not a means to tell him, as if he didn’t already know– I could kill you in a moment and you would not move an inch.
Shuddering, Xiao quickly shoves the thought aside, forcing the whispers in his mind to subside. Kissing and biting and tasting, Xiao moves down what he reminds himself is your body, faster now with you already prepared for him, laying new love bites in places he’d previously neglected– on your shoulders, on your stomach, under the gentle sag of your breasts for what feels like hours.
You let out a shuddering cry above him, pressing into a spot on his back that has him keening and pressing his crotch to the mattress. He feels your thighs tighten around his shoulders, pillowy flesh dimpling with the force of your strength. Doggedly, Xiao grabs them, nails digging into your inner thighs as he prises them apart, tossing one leg over his shoulder, your heel colliding with his pants.
You whine, muscles tensing in frustration, and Xiao kisses the divots his nails left on you.
“Patience,” he murmurs, before landing another kiss, then two, then a warm, open mouthed one until he’s softly nibbling at flesh just about to connect to your labia, your thighs spread wide open for his comfort. His hair brushes against your poor, sopping cunt as he does so and you can’t help but buck your hips towards his face, a desperate groan bubbling in your throat. You’ve been played with for so long, left wide open against your lover that there’s sweat and slick slipping through your ass, dampening the sheets beneath you.
“My love,” you whimper softly, and Xiao blinks up at you, placing his chin on the soft arch of your belly. He makes an enquiring hum, and the rumble of his throat pressed so close to where you want him most makes you make yet another futile attempt at closing your legs. It is thwarted by his deceptively firm, splayed palms against your thighs.
“Could you please– god, there’s no reason for me to be shy about this.” You lift yourself on your elbows to shoot him a mock glare over your breasts. “Stop–”
“Shall we stop?”
Is he messing with you? There’s no way. You narrow your eyes as he blinks at you, looking so sincerely innocent that he’s most definitely guilty.
“No,” you say, gently tugging on a strand of his hair. “Just– please stop playing with me and– just get to it, please.”
“Get to where?” Xiao rubs his thumbs in soft, travelling arcs, inching closer and closer to your core, then further and further away. You whine, and he tilts his head. “Well?”
“To– oh, come on!”
“I won’t know unless you tell me.” He shrugs his shoulders with an elegance no mortal could muster. Your eyes catch on his tattoo for a moment, muscles flexing beneath, before you turn back to him, pleading now.
“Please,” you whimper, and watch as his eyes narrow, pupils once turning to slits, irises aglow. He tilts his head slightly sideways, wings tucked with the posture of a hunter, and you swear your cunt twitches embarrassingly, if the quick flick of his eyes means anything.
Xiao laces the fingers of one of his hands with your own, and lays a kiss on your knuckles. Before you can impatiently protest, he places your hand on his head, tightening your grip on the strands of his hair.
“Guide me,” he tells you, in a voice that suggests this to be non-negotiable. “Guide my head with your hands, and use your words to tell me–” his eyes flick down again as your lower lips clench around nothing. He looks at the ceiling, plainly swallowing, before meeting your eyes again. Despite yourself, you snicker at the blush smeared liberally across his face.
“You’re one to laugh,” he grumbles, which really does make you let out a laugh, warm and bright, and Xiao bites back his own to commit yours carefully to memory, to reminisce over on a cold day. It warms him instantly, sending hot spools of thread arcing all over him, and when you look down at him through the valley of your breasts, your lips curved into the most exquisite smile, Xiao wishes he could simply sink into you instead and kiss you till you were both utterly senseless.
But the wait makes the fruit taste sweeter, and Xiao’s dick throbs against his pants when he thinks of finally kissing you as he fucks into you.
Patience, he reminds himself as he brings his mouth lower and forgets what there even was to be patient about.
What else is he supposed to think of, when this is reward enough?
Xiao is gentle, methodical, at first– kissing and licking his way through the salty, tangy sweetness, a single calloused finger gently running through your slit, making it fall open for him. He surges forward quickly, tongue dampening his own lips in preparation when he’s checked by your fingers tightening gently around his hair, palms pressing against his forehead. You wonder if it’s just the warm lamplight, or if that really did make him redden further.
“Go slower,” you mumble, your face warm once more. “I’m– we’ll have to take a break if you don’t. I’m sensitive right now.”
Xiao’s lips part as he hums in answer, tongue flat against your slit as he quietly works it through. Feeling your fingers tangling in his hair, your soft thighs on either side, one of his hands going lower to press at the bulge in his trousers– it is overwhelming, your scent and warmth wrapping all round him like soft silk left out in the sun, tasting you on his tongue. His giant wings are no longer upright and alert, but twitchy and drooping, draped beautifully across your bed and onto the cool floor. The lamplight reflects off of his feathers, shooting glittering flecks of gold across the ceiling, and you focus on them in an attempt to steady your shuddering breaths.
In contrast to Xiao’s quiet, focused ministrations, you are a mess, fighting to keep your thighs spread open, desperately shoving and tugging Xiao, scratching his scalp and gripping his shoulders, your lips pursed and sealed shut in desperation.
Beneath your fingers, Xiao seems to be growing restless– one of his fingers has now softly crept into your cunt, and you tighten around him irately, to show you can fit far more. Huffing against you in amusement, Xiao obliges, sliding two slender fingers in, then three, before you can protest. His tongue prods gently at your clit as his fingers, experimentally stretch inside and your thighs tense again.
You feel Xiao shift against the mattress, once, twice. When you tear your eyes away from the ceiling and glance down at him, you’re met with the sight of Xiao desperately pressing his crotch against a pillow as he laps hungrily at you, fingers twisting inside, rubbing gently against your walls until they find that sensitive, spongy ridge that has your lips parting involuntarily to let out a low, keening whimper.
You slam your thighs around Xiao’s head, but he is relentless– and, you recall dizzily, not as in need of breath as you. You gasp and cry out as his fingers pump in and out of you in a steady rhythm, accompanied every so often with a soft, wet squelch.
His wings buffet excitedly as he sucks on your clit, first gently, then harder. You grunt as Xiao prises your thighs apart with his wings and holds you open beneath him. You’re helpless against his persistent, despotic onslaught, calculated to make you cry out for him.
There’s the distinct sensation of something climbing and rising inside of you, the webs wrapped around you bunching and twisting at your clit, vibrating and sending thrums of cool, yet quickly warming, sparking pleasure spasming throughout your body. A dam is quickly filling up inside of you, and you cry out when it spills, first slowly, before intense waves of pleasure slam into it and bring it crashing down. You let out a soft, keening whimper as Xiao continues to lap at you hungrily, you spasming around his still pumping fingers. There’s the warmth of an incoming ache in your muscles as your body seizes up. You grab at his hair in desperation, succeeding in only tugging him even closer, his nose pressing against your already sensitive clit. You mewl.
Your body is damp with sweat and weak with the force of your orgasm when Xiao slowly pushes himself on his knees, fingers– still slick with your cum– wresting the drawstring of his trousers undone. You see a damp spot on them, over his crotch, and weakly push yourself up as well, hypnotised.
You reach for him as he shucks off his remaining clothes, seated next to you, now bare. The entirety of the tattoo snaking along his hip and down to his pelvis is now visible.
“May I?” You whisper.
Xiao kisses you. “As tempted as I am,” he says, smoothing your hair back tenderly, “I am more tempted to…” he trails off.
You can’t help but smile. “So you wanna fuck?”
Xiao covers his mouth with a hand, soft pinks blooming across his neck and ears. Compared to you, littered in maroon and pink marks, Xiao is blemishless. You trace your fingers along his collarbone, and he leans into you. “Vulgar creature,” he grumbles, but there’s no bite to it at all.
You shrug. “You just ate me out, dearest, so you don’t get to talk.”
Xiao tips his head up to the heavens, as though begging them for mercy. You kiss his neck as he does, bringing your palms up to his shoulders, gently pressing him back on the bed as you do. Xiao makes a low, rumbling purr, deep in his throat as you kiss and suck on a soft spot, just above the dip in his clavicle.
Breaking away after a few moments, you survey your handiwork– a lovely little love bite, there to ward off… Well, nobody. Xiao is yours, just as you are his, and you both know it.
Drooling at the thought of Xiao littered in scores of these little marks, you give a dreamy sigh, and Xiao snorts in amusement.
“What wretched thoughts are you conjuring now?” He asks, and you stick out your tongue in response.
“You still haven’t answered my question, by the way,” you instead recall, a wicked smile spreading across your lips like a crack in a mistreated dalgona candy. The only difference Xiao can find is that your smiles are far, far sweeter– a sharp contrast to your roguish actions.
“You know my answer,” he retorts, suddenly shy. He knows it is foolish, to be bashful now, of all times– with you seated on his lap, his cock upright between your bellies, his swollen lips still varnished with your arousal. But perhaps that's the cause, the reason he's suddenly glancing away, flushed, and you laugh softly, kissing his cheek once, then again, and again. Xiao turns his head to intercept them with his lips, but you pull away, smiling mischievously. He heaves a long-suffering sigh.
“Well,” you say, shrugging. “I do know your answer, but you know, you can never be too sure. Maybe you don't want to wear the mawashi–”
“I–”
“Unless you tell me,” you snicker, pressing even closer to him, his cock squished between the two of you, “I won't know.”
Xiao exhales softly. When he speaks, his words are grave, dignified.
“I do not wish to wear the mawashi,” he states, cracking a fond smile at your giggles. “As for your question… the answer is yes. Please.”
You tilt your head thoughtfully. “I seem to have forgotten what the question– mpfh–”
Breaking away from the kiss, Xiao grumbles– “I could make you recall it,” before diving back in. Your legs twitch once more.
You pull away for a moment to lift yourself up slightly, panting. He sees a thin string of saliva pull taut between your mouths before it snaps, catching on your lip and across your chin as it falls. Xiao rubs it away, cradling your jaw in one hand and your ass in the other, thumb caressing on your lower lip. Tugging it open, he kisses you, breathless, groaning deep in his chest as you grind down on his length.
Archons. This man is incorrigible. He’s doing it again– insistently pressing his warm, warm mouth to yours, setting you ablaze, making you dizzy and breathless with every lazy, tender kiss. Xiao’s hand supports the back of your head, but gently enough that you could simply pull away if you wanted. You don’t.
You whine as he eventually pulls away, hand shifting lower and lower until he’s gripping your ass in both of his palms and looking up at you with the most pleading, beseeching eyes. He looks so much like a lost puppy that you smile immediately, and he presses his face into your sternum with a lowly whispered please.
And so when your hands push him gently back till he’s splayed before you, Xiao considers this predicament entirely his fault– beheld in the soft lights of the lamps on either side of the room, crouched and descending over him, your hair a mess– strands unevenly framing your familiar, cherished face. Xiao hurriedly swallows and evens his breaths.
Your lips are swollen and soft and his eyes follow as your tongue darts over them to wet them in preparation. With his wings splayed out on either side, you have no choice but to lay your palms directly on him as you sit atop him– on his chest, his shoulders. Mistaking his flusteredness for anxiety, you squeeze his shoulder comfortingly.
“Is this okay?” You ask, and he’s breathless at the sight of you, beautiful and luminous and warm, and atop him, for the Archons’ sakes. His eyes drop from your face to trace the constellations of marks he’s left atop you and he’s embarrassed to be subsequently checked by your gentle, enquiring– “Xiao?”
Xiao coughs, looking more sheepish than you’ve ever seen him. He’s exquisite like this– the downy undersides of his wings splayed on either side of him, his body sweaty and flushed, eyes looking up at you from underneath those feathery lashes. His soft expression at odds with his lucent, gold gaze.
There’s that perfect little hickey, proud and conspicuous against his neck. His nipples are beautifully upright, perfect little buds for you to reduce him to a mess with his consent.
Sweet, dignified Xiao looks so debauched right now, after barely anything, and you’re unsure how you’ll ever explain away your joy about it to even yourself. He’s just so pretty.
When you tell him that, tucking a strand of hair behind his ears, your voice awash with sincere admiration, Xiao blushes more than he has this whole time. He is so impossibly soft that you cannot resist gently kissing him, his erection still probing your belly, and he becomes even softer when he tells you quietly that you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.
And, Xiao thinks, you become prettier still when you thank him with the sweetest smile, your mischief thankfully vanishing for a moment when you kiss him again. And when, between kisses you ask him– “may I?” Reaching for his cock with your gentle fingers, all Xiao can do is nod with a fervor that he can't even find in himself to be embarrassed of anymore.
You run your fingertip along the tip just as you kiss him and he gasps in your mouth, trembling beneath you. When you nibble gently on his tongue, for once it is his turn to catch his breath. You catch his lips in yours again as his hands take your waist in an almost bruising grip. Wrapping your fingers around his cockhead in response, you run your thumb over the length of a vein running along its underside, and Xiao breaks away from the kiss to just look at you, wide eyed, his pupils mere pinpricks against massive golden disks.
You’re both rubbing off on one another in more ways than one, you deliriously think as he tugs you closer, pressing down on your hips to make you grind down against him. He’s becoming as impatient as you now, bucking and whining– but suddenly he falls still again, instead tipping his head obligingly for you to trail kisses along it better.
Years of knowing him have made figuring his moods out your expertise– and therefore, knowing full well that this is some part of Xiao feeling guilt for indulging, you carry on, sensing he’ll be swept back in the act eventually.
Your guess is soon proven correct– you’re midway through tasting his exhilaration in the harried pulse of his throat when Xiao suddenly presses his mouth to yours, groaning softly against your lips– “please– I c–” before breaking off and lifting you up. You gasp, but quickly catch on, aligning his cockhead with your cunt as he gently, gently lowers you down– or at least, you try to. Being more than sufficiently lubricated, you end up falling down it with a soft squelch. Xiao purrs, eyes narrowed to slits with pleasure and you whimper at the sudden push inside. Xiao adjusts his grip on your hips as you rock yourself, feeling him shift more comfortably inside of you. You can’t tell if your mind is playing tricks on you or not, but you swear he’s far warmer than a normal man, heating up your insides deliciously. You let out a trembling exhale.
“Pretty one?” Xiao murmurs, nuzzling into your neck, and you return to your senses once more as he nibbles and licks gently at the bruises he’s already littered across you. “Is this alright?”
“Alright– doesn’t–” you gasp when Xiao sits up straighter and the base of his cock presses further up against your clit. “Doesn’t cut it,” you finish weakly as he kisses a line back up your jaw to once again meet your lips with his own. Years ago, you swore to yourself that Xiao’s fondness for kisses would be your undoing, and you are entirely too delighted in knowing that you were right all along. Bracing a hand on Xiao’s shoulder and the other on his chest, you begin to rock yourself slowly, building momentum. Xiao allows himself to be pushed back against the mess of pillows and you’re pleased that for once, somehow, he’s allowing you to take care of him instead.
Unbeknownst to you, what’s persuaded Xiao is the sight of you, sweaty and warm, your hair a messy cascade, and your breasts, soft and marked and bouncing deliciously.
Earlier he could only play with them, tug at them– but with you upright and leaning into him, he’s free to reach up with his fingers and cup them in his palms, to rub his fingers over your nipples and squish and knead the warm, damp, soft flesh. He’s unreasonably enchanted by the fact that like this, your nipples are far slower to pucker, no matter how much he tugs and teases and suckles on them. When he does successfully get them to wrinkle, a few soft squeezes have them smoothing out again. You moan above him as he continues to play with you with one hand, the other bringing you closer with an arm round your waist. His trembling fingers rub circles into your sweaty hips, and he keens into your chest when you drag your nails over his shoulders and bring your fingers to his nipples in pleasure-tinted vengeance.
You push him further down on his back, wiping away a string of drool off your chin with a wrist. Slowing your bouncing to a punishing grind, you wrap your lips around one of Xiao’s hardened nipples and he groans, the vibrations somehow echoing in your mind, against your mouth, pushing you into a frenzied haze.
Xiao twitches and cries out beneath you, gasping and groaning prettily, warm fingers pressing into your back to somehow keep you close even as the stimulation makes him buck his body up against you, once, twice, before he stills himself to a tremor, his shaking wings sounding like wind through a meadow– a potent reminder of his immortality.
That’s what makes it all the sweeter when, once your movements become sluggish, mortal limbs feeling the burning ache of tiredness, Xiao flips you carefully onto your back and begins fucking into you, panting mouth open and eyes narrowed. It almost feels like he’s telling you– let me take over now. A droplet of sweat makes its way out of his hair, over to his forehead and you wipe it away. Xiao hooks one of your thighs tighter round his waist as he steadily speeds up until you're whimpering and reaching a hand lower and lower, over your breasts and your belly to your clit, rubbing it with your trembling fingers. The fiery heat already trickling steadily in your stomach builds into a cascade again. You steady your breaths in preparation when–
Xiao snatches your hand up in his own and throws it selfishly over his shoulder. You cry out, preparing to incoherently scold him when his slender fingers replace your own, rubbing soft motions around your clit, teasing and building and oh dear god, it's so good, it’s so good–
It's taking everything in Xiao to not come instantly as he hears you babble on and on about how good you feel, and how beautiful he is, and Archons you're a mess beneath him, pliant and soft and sweeter than anything he's tasted before. What's a sweet dream to his eager, dissolute beloved, coming undone in his arms? Your sweet voice has him crying and rasping back, telling you how good you feel and how beautiful you are and how if he could have his way, this moment would never end.
You let out a shuddering gasp as he finally rubs his fingers over your clit, cock twitching inside of you and feeling white hot now, far warmer than before. He's struggling now, he really is, to keep his thrusts rhythmic and be good for you but by everything that has ever existed, you are so perfect, your hair sprawled out on your pillow in loose coils, looking like wisps of incense smoke unfurling in the breeze, your soft fingers caressing the scratches on his back and cupping his cheeks.
The experience is overwhelming, all engulfing. Xiao’s heightened senses feel like they’ve been dropped directly into a vat of the keenest pleasure he’s ever known. He can smell every inch of you– your scent, your sweat, your soft arousal, the remnants of your perfume and lotion leaving the barest of bitter aftertastes against his tongue when he tastes your skin. Your cries wrap around him like satin, and he half wishes you would stop because it’s all becoming nearly too much, and he can’t go on much longer, threads of pleasure beginning to spool near his very spine now, making his hips stutter against your ass as your walls flutter around him with his every touch and caress, his weak fingers still circling and rubbing your clit.
It’s a wonder you’ve lasted this long, too– he can see you doing your damndest to regain control of your breaths, chest heaving, wanting to stay on the precipice of pleasure for as long as you can. Your fingers tremble as they scrabble for purchase over his shoulders and he nearly cums then, snapping his wings in two quick beats to press up closer to you, leaving no space between the two of you for a long moment before beginning to thrust again, slower but harder this time, grinding into you as he does.
“X– iao I’m going–”
“I know. I– know.”
Grabbing onto Xiao’s face, you tug him closer for a kiss and he responds with slow, breathless hunger. The newly lain, white-hot webs of pleasure against your skin tighten first at your crotch, then your spine and finally onto themselves as your orgasm shoots through you, slipping out of your grasp, uncontrolled and all consuming. You cry out, clenching tightly around Xiao as he fucks weakly into you, engulfed in waves of his own pleasure. You wrap your hands round his back, pulling him ever closer. Xiao’s fingers don’t leave you for a second, although his entire body shudders as he sinks himself to the hilt inside of you, crying out against your mouth, hot breaths mingling with yours. Your slowly receding orgasm flares wildly again when you feel unnaturally warm liquid thoroughly fill your insides and spill past his cock, dripping steadily down your ass. You spasm again.
All you can do is gasp for breath, electric aftershocks still coursing through you as Xiao stills above you, carefully adjusting his trembling body so you can breathe better. He rests his cheek gently against your chest as he pulls out. Your breath hitches when he’s all the way out and you’re left empty, sporadically tightening around nothing.
Xiao regains his breaths first– you know it when he exhales softly against you, chest moving evenly now, although his pulse still races. You lift up a weak hand to gently stroke his cheek. Your body feels almost as though it were cooling in the wake of your lovemaking, joints loose and lashes heavy and all of a sudden, you are gripped by the desire to sleep.
“My love?” You murmur into Xiao’s hair, because he’s been silent for a while now. The room feels bigger and quieter somehow, although it still is warm and the air is tinged with the smell of sex. “Is everything alright?”
Xiao kisses your sternum for a soft, lingering moment before hoisting himself carefully up and off of you. You survey his face carefully and he raises an elegant eyebrow at the searching look on yours.
“I am well,” Xiao tells you quietly as he tugs you up so you’re seated leaning into him. He wraps his arms and wings round you, cocooning you in layers of affection as he presses his forehead to your temple. You nuzzle into him, even sleepier now.
“Don’t sleep just yet,” Xiao chides, sounding suddenly alert. You grumble softly, something about work and an annoying early bird when he scoffs and lifts you off the bed, bringing you to the bathroom. “Freshen up first.”
“You’re mean,” you grumble, swaying a bit on your feet. Your legs are immensely sore from bouncing yourself up and down on Xiao’s lap– the memory makes you reel even more, and Xiao steadies you, arms wrapping round your waist.
“And you’re mortal,” he reminds, voice firm but gentle. When you turn to roll your eyes at him, you see him surveying you now with a searching look.
You blink. “What is it?”
Xiao flutters eyelashes– skies, he’s gorgeous– in surprise. “Ah,” he says, in the sheepish tones of someone who knows they’re caught. “Earlier… you mentioned sex was supposed to be fun.” Xiao tips his head slightly with feigned nonchalance. You don’t know why he tries, when you know him well enough to catch every silly, earnest lie.
“So I merely wondered if you did have fun. That is all.”
When your eyes widen at the question, Xiao’s shoulders tense a bit. And when, a moment later, you beam and tell him yes, it was, he is gripped by relief so powerful he visibly relaxes, shoulders settling and wings tucking back.
When you reach out to hold his face in your palms, Xiao voluntarily tips his face closer. And when you ask if he had fun too, he tells you softly– yes, he did.
✦—————————————✦
Xiao is quick to freshen up and leave the bathroom, drying himself off hurriedly with anemo, splattering drops of water all over the shower. You let him go, scrubbing yourself at a far more leisurely pace– maybe he needs to be alone for a moment, or maybe he needs a snack. No matter. The warm water coursing over your body makes your bruises sing with stings, but you like being reminded of them, of him.
You’re still smiling to yourself when you step into your bedroom, towel wrapped around you when you see Xiao has been busy with, clad similarly in nothing but a towel– fresh sheets, the bed laid out as you like it, a couple bottles of water ready for you. He’s currently drawing the curtains open and you sigh pleasedly when the cool ocean breeze fooling around Liyue harbour slips inside, cooling the room instantly. The lamps have been turned off, but it matters not when the moon herself illuminates your home with her silvery fingers reaching in through your window.
Padding over, you hug Xiao, uncaring of the open window– it’s pretty high up and opens to the harbour so no one can really peek in, and besides, it’s so late now that only the Pearl Galley is awake, tossing sunny bunches of warm light onto the twinkling waves around her. The harbour is quiet, so for once all you hear is the ocean and the wind, and Xiao’s soft breaths by your ear.
Xiao wraps his arms round you as you lean into him again, yawning. Something about being near your beloved makes you instantly sleepy– knowing he is safe and close, knowing he’s right there when you reach out for him in the night.
You slide into bed, not bothering to get dressed and open your arms, flicking your fingers in a universal come here gesture. Xiao clambers into them, plumy lashes downcast, a quiet, stifled yawn on his lips.
You tug him atop you and he lays there without protest for once, tucking his head cozily under your chin, his cheek pressed to your chest. His wings are draped on either side of him, swathed across the bed in elegant arcs that end on the floor. You kiss his hair.
There’s a lot you want to ask him– there’s a lot you wish to talk about, but your body yearns for the heavy caresses of sleep and you yield unwillingly, head lolling slightly sideways as your consciousness leaves you.
Xiao, on the other hand, is unable to fall asleep just yet.
His body is tired, and fleecy tendrils of comfort weigh him down, pin him to you– but no matter how hard he tries, his heart just won’t stop racing and his eyes won’t shut. One of the little bruises on your chest is right in his line of sight and not quite knowing why, Xiao brushes his fingers across it gently. He can remember every moment of your coupling, and he remembers this love bite, made mere moments before his memories caught up with him, cloaking him in panic, choking him with fear.
He still couldn’t puzzle out what it was that terrified him so. He knew for certain that it was you beneath him– your gentle hands in his hair that he asked to guide him– but oh, you didn’t, did you? Not really, save for when you simply requested him to go a bit slower.
He doesn’t know why it fills him with so much warmth.
Perhaps what scared him was just the mistaken familiarity of the situation, although Xiao now knows they are more different than the sky and the earth. Your hands are gentle, not heavy and forceful and demanding. You do not rejoice in his terror– you worry with him instead.
He shuts his eyes, remembering when you tugged him up and against you, so instantly willing to set aside your pleasure in the face of his presumed pain. Pulled him out of the shallows before he could even get in waist deep. With you, he realises, there was never a danger of him losing his footing and drowning. He wonders how you even noticed his distress so fast– caught up in his pleasure and anxiety about potentially disappointing you, even he hadn’t.
He wishes his master didn’t haunt him the way she did, her heavy hands wrapping round his neck even in death. Truth be told he can hardly remember her– he was so young, and it was so long ago that both time and age have washed away most lingering memories, although now he realises his terror remains, chipped by years past but stubbornly present.
When you pulled him up and against your chest, it felt like he was quite literally being torn out of his master’s– no, the old god’s clutches, and being held safely in yours.
He wonders what he’s ever done to even begin to deserve you.
What he believes in more and more with every passing day though, is that you really do love him. That you won’t leave him– that you are eager to help bear his burdens, that you are willing to engage in the repetitive trouble of wiping away his tears, kissing his cheeks to assuage his fears.
Reassured by the knowledge that the dip of your collarbones would cradle his cheek regardless of what may come, Xiao finally shuts his eyes, letting sleep take him.
Before it does though, he whispers softly against your resting form.
“Good night, my love. Sleep well.”
Here, a little kith for making it all the way here. Also, reblogs are very greatly appreciated! <3
Xiao x Gn!Reader, 5.9k words. A little something for Valentine’s day, which is today, I promise <33
At the end of it all, Xiao wonders– what makes a date a date, exactly? Flowers? A kiss? He thinks he might have gone on one just now. He’s not sure.
What he is sure of, though, is that time spent with you is at least, decidedly, time well spent.
“Did you know,” you say, taking a bite of the flan that Yanxiao made at your request, “that it’s Valentine’s Day today?”
You’re pleased when Xiao answers with a thoughtful nod– another bet won. Paimon owes you and the Traveller now. After all, with how lovely he is– how could she possibly think he’d not know one of the many days he ought to be showered with gifts on?
(Of course– you’ll keep that to yourself.)
“Huai’an and Goldet have given one another little presents throughout the day,” he explains. In the past, your silence would have made him chatter to simply fill it– or even have caused offence had he taken it as surprise– but time has since worn away at such differences of understanding and replaced them with familiarity.
“And,” he continues, “most of the staff have exchanged presents as well.” You tilt your head at that, noticing the slight emphasis on most, and glance to where he casts a slightly pitying gaze– a young new worker scrubbing a spot on the floor of a lower balcony with practiced nonchalance. Turning his attention back to you, he frowns.
“I do confess, however– I am a little intrigued by something.”
You blink. “What is it? Can I help?”
Xiao shakes his head. “This is not something I need assistance with,” he explains, piquing your curiosity further. “This is just a question I have– I wonder what quality Chef Yanxiao possesses that has landed him the most gifts so far? More so than even Goldet?”
You blink. “More than Goldet?”
He nods. “More than Goldet.”
You frown. More than Goldet? She’s beautiful, charismatic (and you’re biased, biased, biased) and amasses the most presents every year. So what–?
You’re frowning still as you scoop another spoonful of the flan into your mouth. Ah, it’s delicious. Yanxiao had pleasantly surprised both you and Xiao when he’d brought it unexpectedly over, up at the topmost balcony where you were seated. A delight of the mortal world, you’d said to Xiao with a flourish. He’d almost smiled, and Yanxiao had seemed as pleased as you’d wanted him to be.
You’re touched, after all– he really does care for Xiao, and he even paid heed to the little figurative nudges you gave him in your quest to make Xiao sample more dishes. The sweet custard falls in line with Xiao’s preferred textures, whilst still being something new. Enrichment for the lovely Yaksha (and free dessert for you).
It’s just as you’re contemplating this– and as you’re busy wondering whether Xiao prefers the milder almond tofu to the much sweeter caramel custard– that it finally occurs to you.
“Ah!” You snap your fingers in delight. They make not a single modicum of sound. For a fleeting, embarrassing moment, Xiao smiles, before turning toward you neutrally once more.
“Yes?”
“Don’t laugh at me– actually, do laugh.” You shake your head. “You have a lovely smile.”
Xiao blinks again, in a way that is reminiscent of the kites you see by the harbour sometimes. “I’ve been told by Paimon to be wary of… people that tell me I look better when I smile.”
“That’s–” you sputter. What in the world, Paimon?
“That’s not the same– whatever.” You huff, then lean closer. You doubt Xiao would be too familiar with the dreadfully unwanted advances of mortal men anyhow. “I just realised why Yanxiao gets the most presents. The answer is glorious.”
Xiao mimics the motion– he rests an elbow on the table and leans the slightest bit forward
“And what is the answer?”
“The answer is that men that cook well are very, very attractive.”
Xiao blinks and settles back in his chair. You wish he hadn’t.
“I see.”
You nod sagely.
There’s some moments of silence as you finish off the snacks and tea. A pair of finches flutter up to the little nest they’ve made among the shingles, noisily fussing about it before settling down. Xiao pays them no heed. You can’t help but smile a little at the slight crease between his eyes as he sips– in some odd way, he seems more used to Yelan’s more unconventional tastes. You make a mental note to ask Yelan what she puts in her teas the next time you bump into one another.
Although… you suspect that isn’t quite the reason for his displeasure. You look carefully toward where his eyes stray once more. The same boy, now stubbornly scrubbing a different spot. A woman reading a book while an affectionate couple ostensibly laughs at the table adjacent to hers. Soraya is alone too, but you quickly see Xiao’s gaze shift away from her with– almost relief?
What esoteric reason has him worried now? You frown. Breaching the subject so boldly might make him turn away. But– perhaps you could lighten the mood a little at first.
“By the way,” you say, and he faces you immediately, looking almost apologetic at having turned away. When you smile in reassurance, however, his lips seem to loosen with relief, the dispersed tension making them look suddenly pinker and plusher than before.
Oh no.
You hurriedly bring your gaze up to meet his– another mistake. You can’t believe you forgot you’re not supposed to look at the Vigilant Yaksha as the sun sets– his eyes glow.
“Yes?”
“Ah…” Crap. Where were you again? You rack your mind, flustered. Food, Yanxiao– right.
“Uh, can you… cook?”
Xiao’s eyes widen, and his lips part. For a moment you see a flash of his teeth– pristine, sharp– before he speaks.
“Er… very little.”
You brighten. “Oh, that’s great! We can cook together sometime– although no, never mind.” Your fingers tap your chin in mock embarrassment. “I forgot you hated cooking.”
Never in your life have you seen a man more mortified.
“I…” he trails off, throwing Soraya a restless glance. She continues contentedly poring over the papers on her table, chin propped on a hand. Xiao looks very much as though he wishes he could snatch the peace from underneath her to drape himself in instead.
“Where did you hear that?”
“Paimon.” Your answer is prompt. “She said you hated preparing it and that you don’t like wasting time waiting for it to cook.”
Xiao crosses his arms. “She exaggerates. I– forget it.”
Oh dear. You bite back a smile. You seem to have succeeded only to chagrin him. You’d regret it more, though, if he didn’t look the way he does now– pursed lips, one pinned slightly beneath the other. Awash in the warm light. All of Teyvat seems to exist solely to adorn him.
Even as he looks now– pensive, a bit perturbed– he looks lovelier than anyone in the harbour you’ve seen today, posturing and beautifying themselves– be it for friends, or a lover, or their own satisfaction.
Even the very wind seems to want to put him to an advantage– it plays with his hair, sending it tumbling into his eyes and he jerks his chin absently, an eye shutting to keep the strands out. His nose scrunches in the sweetest way.
Heavens. For a foolish moment, you truly believe– that this is Barbatos playing tricks on you.
You’re brought out of your thoughts when he hesitantly parts his lips, then shuts them again.
“What is it?” You instantly ask, now remembering why you teased him to begin with, in real embarrassment.
“It’s no matter,” he murmurs, then sighs, casting his gaze onto the empty dishes. “No matter at all. Shall I escort you home?”
“Oh, no.” You beam. “I’m staying the night.”
“Oh?”
You hum, and wonder if he truly looks as pleased at that as you want him to.
“So you’ll be subject to my questions a little longer, I fear.” You laugh. “Tell me what it is you wanted to before– please?”
Xiao sighs. There’s a lull as you wait for a moment, before he quickly asks, with the air of someone that doesn’t want to back out at the final second–
“Is it upsetting for mortals to not receive presents on this day?”
Huh?
You think you have a sneaking suspicion as to what this is about.
“Is this about Soraya?”
“No.” He sounds almost relieved. “If anything, she looks quite content.”
You glance towards her again– and indeed, she does. She’s lit a quaint looking lamp to quell the gathering dark, and the bright, dappled light looks truly romantic– a dinner date for Soraya and Mx Research.
You hum. “Definitely.”
Xiao turns to you and prompts– “well?”
“Well,” you muse. “Yes, for some people. Not so much for others. Why do you ask?”
He ignores your question, instead presenting yet another his own. “And what do you think would be a suitable present for any sort of mor– person on this day?”
You blink, chest suddenly warm. Does he mean to–? No, that’s silly. Surely he can’t mean to…
“Um, chocolate?” You hesitantly list. “Flowers… jewellery or charms? Cards. Sweets… flowers?”
Xiao leans back. “Two options reoccur.”
You grimace. “Sorry, I can’t think of more things. Cute mugs–?”
Xiao rises to his feet.
✦—————————————✦
“That’ll be forty thousand.”
“What?” Your palm lands on the counter with a loud smack of disbelief. “That’s crazy! I’m not buying wilted flowers for forty thousand!”
“You need twenty sprays–”
“Twenty thousand is fine!”
It’s now the vendor’s turn to gape, but one look at your resolute eyes is enough to make him quickly turn to Xiao instead.
“Sir–”
“We’re talking,” you huff, shifting so he’s hidden behind you. “Don’t turn to him! I know you sell them for a thousand, and sprays for a thousand fifty– please don’t think you can rob me by daylight just because he looks rich.” You jerk a finger in Xiao’s direction as the shopkeeper purses his lips.
“It’s nighttime, dear customer,” he hedges, “and I need to close up soon.”
“The gall– fine. Fine!” You turn to Xiao, eyes ablaze. You are sick of running amok all over Liyue and even sicker of attempting to negotiate for a fair price with this fellow. Perhaps you’d be fine with this otherwise, but really? On the one day Xiao accompanies you to the harbour?
“Xiao, it’s fine,” you quietly grumble, pulling him aside. “We already bought the chocolates– and besides, do you want to know why this guy’s the last to close? Because no one buys from him! The second he thinks–”
Xiao puts a hand on your arm, eyes wide in alarm. “I think– it is alright. I can more than afford it.”
“Exactly!” the vendor barks, overhearing. “Being stingy on Valentine’s–”
You whirl. “Being an ass on Valentine’s–”
“Dear Custo–”
“Stop.”
Xiao’s voice is soft, and yet it somehow rings through the air, stilling it. Shopping bags in one arm or no– he somehow looks so austere, narrowed eyes and lifted chin, eyes somehow catching every flicker of the lamplight– that the both of you quail immediately, wilting somehow more than the flowers themselves.
As soon as you do, Xiao turns to you with a quickly murmured apology, and you shake your head with a smile. You’ll cause a thousand more scenes if that’s what it takes to have another peek at General Alatus.
(Heavens, what you wouldn’t give to– no. No.)
There’s a pause as the shopkeeper silently wraps the posies and sets them begrudgingly in your arms. He frigidly tells Xiao– that’ll be twenty thousand. Xiao gives him thirty, and you bite your tongue.
You hold your peace in embarrassed silence until you’ve passed through the harbour. Xiao makes you wait at the bridge, telling you he’ll return soon in his quiet voice. He strolls quickly off, in a gait that would be almost comically quick were it not accompanied by his gravitas– you cannot laugh at Shenhe, and you cannot laugh at Xiao.
Deciding to take advantage of the solitude, you step onto the bridge, determined to cool off. The encounter with the vendor was bitter, just as it is month after month, year after year– but, you remind yourself, the reason for its occurrence at all is decidedly sweet. It has you smiling to yourself as you set the bag of sweets by your feet and lean against the railing to peer down at the water below.
You expect a dull sight– with Lantern Rite having passed, most of the bright lights and lively decor have been carefully put away for another year. From where you stand, there is little the water can reflect in the dark– the shifting waves do not allow still images to form.
Even so… you reach out absently with a hand. The moon and stars have long since come out. Although high above in truth, they get to step off the dais of the sky via the waters’ reflection, and descend to make merry in the waves below. They throw gentle glimmers of light to you amidst their soiree, lighting up your fingers and weaving through them to drape the rest of you in a cascade of bright dapples.
A breeze whisks around, tousling the waves and your hair further. The heavens pick up the pace for their dance. From the corner of your eye, you see something flutter barely an arm’s length away and jump.
Oh– you bring a hand up to your chest with a soft laugh of relief. It gets swallowed by the waves, but from the way his eyes soften, you think Xiao heard it anyway.
“Archons, you scared me.” You smile. Noticing the bag in his arms, you continue– “no matter. Do you have everything you need? Shall we get going?”
Xiao does not answer.
Spoken language has made itself comfortable in his throat– try as he might, he cannot coax a word out, and he belatedly realises he cannot even think of a single thing to say.
Why, he wonders, have you whiled away your time with him? When you could be seated across from a lover at Liuli Pavilion in warm candlelight instead of standing out here in the cold, helping him run an errand no one might appreciate? He feels a pang of guilt for having basked in your smiles all evening, when you could have just as sunnily bestowed them on a more deserving suitor.
You are so lovely– so patient, and kind, and fierce, and beautiful. Watching you reach for the stars reflected in the water when more luminescent than anything the heavens could birth, had sent a pang through his chest– how miserable, to reach for the moon when he cannot even readily bring you what these lands have to offer.
Perhaps this outing was… a mistake.
There is only so much to be done to familiarise himself with the mortal world. He nods at you pensively and hurts again when you smile, waiting for him to fall into step next to you before walking with him. Side by side, whispers his mind.
The voices that follow are louder– There are a thousand little things to know. The mundane life his siblings had wished for him feels more out of reach the longer he tries to indulge in it.
“Hey, what are you thinking?”
He glances at you, startled out of his thoughts. Staring too long hurts. At this hour, you’re draped in the same grays the night brushes everything with. Like this, you seem made of the same silver that all of Liyue is. He tries not to think of what he told Yelan once– All of Liyue is a fine location.
“Nothing in particular.”
As the two of you step out of the harbour, you grant him another smile, and it feels like a second moon has peeked out from behind the clouds.
“You lie a lot,” you lightly say and he feels both scolded and soothed all at once. “You don’t have to answer or tell me, but I’m sure it’s not nothing.”
He’s unsure of how to respond.
You seem to sense this– you always do. “We can talk about it if you’d like.” You let it hang in the air for several moments; a promise. When he finally nods, your smile widens, and the sun comes out.
The breath is knocked out of him in both wonder and confusion when he realises– you just walked underneath a lamp, is all.
Morax, take me.
“Oh, by the way,” you continue, oblivious as he struggles to find a rhythm for his strides once more. “How will you know where to drop–” you lift up the bags momentarily– “these off?”
His eyes widen. “Hand them to me.” When he reaches for them, you turn away and his fingers brush against your warm back. He recoils.
“Absolutely not. Anyway, the presents?”
He glares, then yields, eyes softening as he sighs. You’ll never relent– it’s best to slip out of sight of the Millelith Guards quickly so you can teleport back.
“The presents… some of the recipients reside at Qingce; the rest, at the Inn itself.”
“Oh. Should I ask Verr for the addresses of the ones at Qingce?”
“No need. I know of their residences already,” he says, and hopes he doesn’t imagine the way your eyes soften in turn.
He doesn’t quite need to imagine the curve of your lips, though. The way you futilely try to squash your smiles. He can’t help but find your failures beautiful, and opens his mouth to almost tell it to you– just a compliment paid on Valentine’s, nothing more– when you notice him about to speak and turn to him attentively. He fumbles.
“You…” he tries, then admits defeat. “Seem to have enjoyed yourself today.”
It was a bluff– but to his surprise, it strikes him as the truth the moment it leaves his lips.
“I have,” comes your cheery answer. “How did you know?”
“You have smiled an inordinate amount today,” he easily says.
If his bluff came to him as a surprise, your next words come as astonishment.
“Yes,” you say. “Since I got to spend time with you.”
The remainder of the journey is both quick and silent. Once you’ve turned around the corner and out of sight, he makes you appear near Wangshu Inn once more.
As you walk along, he sees you glance at the silk flowers lining your path and pause. You hand him one of the bags, apologetic, and he gently snatches both before you can protest, easily bringing his arm behind his back despite the weight.
You ask to hold the other bag in his hands instead, then. The purchase he made all alone. He declines. When you finally ask what’s in it, unable to deny your curiosity any longer, you are met with rejection once more.
“Whatever,” you huff, then crouch to pick the flowers that caught your eye.
He waits by the lamps as you slowly make your way over and watches the sun come out once more. Once you’re done, you fall into step with one another. Together, you make your way to the lift. When a passing stranger smiles at you, you wave back. Xiao watches the stranger’s smile widen and feels a strange sense of kinship.
The lift ascends just as you reach it. You glance at one another with frustration that neither of you really feels.
“I trust you’ll be alright the rest of the way?” He enquires as the lift descends several seconds later. You shake your head.
“Absolutely not. I’m prone to throwing myself off heights, you see.”
His heart stops. “This is no laughing matter.”
Even so, you laugh, and he can’t find it in himself to be angry when his chest now restricts uncomfortably against his stuttering, speeding heart instead.
“Sorry, sorry. Good luck on your quest!” You wave, and the lift carries you up, and Xiao is suddenly glad to be alone.
✦—————————————✦
The task is simple, and over before he knows it. He’s slipped nearly all of his recipients’ gifts in already, through open windows and ajar doors when he realises the present he bought you is yet in his arms.
His fingers tighten around the last of the sweets and flowers before he comes to his senses– to his relief, there was no real harm done. Hopefully the shock of having received something in this ridiculous fashion will serve to make this poor mortal look past his slightly squashed and bent presents.
He tries not to think of you as he delivers the rest. He fails, and realises he finds his failures less beautiful than yours.
✦—————————————✦
Wangshu Inn is a fine location, Xiao absently thinks as he reappears home, hours later. Taking his bloodied gloves off, he surveys the lands below.
The marsh sprawls beautifully around, reflecting the skies with far more clarity than the seas. It is made still more beautiful by the lack of any monsters in the vicinity. He’s suddenly saddened when he realises mortal sight disallows them from seeing what he can– stars in the air and stars on the ground, as though heaven and earth were one, interchangeable. From this height, he doesn’t need to spread his wings again to feel as though he were flying.
To a mortal, however, it is only a beautiful marsh.
What a pity. He should describe it to you sometime. If he trusted his fingers, he would perhaps try to paint it… but. He shakes his head. He mustn’t waste his time on such frivolities.
Guilt prods at him, for returning so late. Xiao tells it– it was for the best. With him gone, you can spend your time in mortal company with a good meal, and have some well deserved rest.
Even so, his feet make him step toward the doorway. Enter it, walk down the stairs. He struggles to find an excuse for it– should he tell Goldet he’s simply here to inform her of his return? No, he’s never really bothered to before. Perhaps he’ll ask if there’s any almond tofu left for him. As he absently turns sideways to allow a pair of women to carry a table upstairs, he muses– yes, that would make for a good excuse.
Another woman apologetically asks him to move to the side again, as a couple of men heft two chairs up to the uppermost balcony. He’s about to tell them to use the other stairway when he notices the pair of women hurrying up it with trays of food in their hands.
Finally perceiving his surroundings and encounters, he turns about in confusion, only to find that he’s reached the lower floor already, and that the staff have already raced off ahead to set a table of two in his balcony.
“What–?”
“Xiao!”
He turns in time to see Goldet give him a relieved nod.
“Ah, you’ve finally returned.” She puts a hand to her chest. The cat, (her cat?) Wei leaps off her desk and coils round his legs, then trots toward Huai’an as he sees the man coming.
“Xiao!” Huai’an looks equally relieved, and dread coils round his feet where Wei had a moment ago. “Thank goodness you’ve arrived– our guest insisted on waiting for your return before they ate. I shall send them upstairs immediately–”
“What?” Xiao exclaims, as Wei meows insistently. Huai’an nudges him aside with a foot, grimacing at the heat in Xiao’s voice. “Whatever do you mean?”
“They said they wanted to wait for you,” Verr explains. “Do not worry, they would have dined soon had you not come. Shall we send someone to fetch them?”
Xiao clicks a tongue as the cat flops over his feet. He gently steps back, and Wei swats angrily at his shoes. “No need,” he huffs. You deserve to be scolded within an inch of your life, and that is one thing he trusts himself to deliver. “I shall go myself.”
For all his fondness, he miserably thinks, he is determined to berate you and make you dine alone. Or perhaps he should sit right across you as you eat– he cannot decide what would be more punishing.
If only he hadn’t foolishly wallowed in his anxiety, and if only his anxiety were not birthed by his affection. He shudders at the word and runs a hand through his hair. He could have been here hours earlier, and you would already be in bed.
He raps on your door just as a table in the distance erupts into laughter so loud it swallows the sound of his hummingbird-heart. Beyond the door, all movement comes to a halt as you hear him. Then there’s the hurried sound of rustling cloth, an opening latch, and the door swings open to reveal you tugging on a jacket.
You begin scolding before he can.
“What took you so long?” You demand. Before he can answer, your eyes drop from his face to his shoulders, then his hands. They soften when they see the muck on his shoes. “Oh.”
His lips part, then shut again. You frown.
“No, no,” you soothe. “Say it. Did something happen?”
Xiao shakes his head. Although you do not speak, your voice rings in his ears– you lie a lot.
And lie he does. “I saw some monsters on the way.” He doesn’t face you as he says it, instead turning to the present in his hands. He places it absently on a sideboard inside, by the door. He’s prepared to embarrassedly dodge your curiosity about its contents, but it’s him your mind seems occupied with.
“Oh. I hope clearing them out wasn’t too difficult?”
“Mere hilichurls.” he scoffs, and you smile.
“I see. Wanna come inside and freshen up?”
He’s about to nod and take his shoes off when he remembers– oh heavens.
“No.” He crosses his arms, turned austere again, and you laugh in understanding as you push him gently out of the way to lock your door.
“Ah, so someone snitched.” You glance at him over your shoulder, fumbling with the rusty lock. He makes a mental note to remind Huai’an to have it oiled. “Who was it?”
“Wei,” comes his answer, and you shake your head.
“Liar.”
There’s a moment of peace as you step towards the stairs, before Xiao remembers he’s supposed to scold you.
“You should have eaten,” he says, with real heat in his voice, for once. “How long would you have waited had I not arrived, anyhow? And besides– why did you not call for me when you wished to dine with me? Even that aside, you should have dined the moment we returned.” You blink rapidly as his diatribe continues.
“It was late already and it is even later now. Do mortals not need sustenance at steady intervals? This is an incredibly irregular time for a meal. Swear to me to not do this henceforth.”
“Huh? No, sorry.” You shake your head, and much to his misery, he feels his anger dismantling at the very suggestion of what you’ll say next. He allows himself one moment of foolish hope– just one singular moment before it is crushed– and falls into stunned silence when it isn’t.
“I like eating with you,” you say, and nothing more. As though the reason were so simple– as though that was all there was to it.
He looks away.
Something scratches weakly at his ribs, at his throat. He swallows it firmly. He will not– cannot– give name to his emotions, not yet. He will save that for later, when he is too tired to fight and too unwilling to sleep.
But– for your sake– he’ll stay without complaint.
I like eating with you.
Yes, since I got to spend time with you.
You say something just then, and he is grateful to your voice. It is an excuse to turn away from his thoughts. How frustrating– if he were to forcibly turn away from them, it would mean they were significant enough to force away to begin with. And ruminating over them… means ruminating over you.
This accursed day. He sighs just as you’re midway through your sentence and turns warm with embarrassment.
“My ap–”
“It’s okay.” You tip your head, amused. He wishes he were skilled enough to paint your smiles, then wills the thought away. “But anyway, I just wanted to ask if you needed some time to freshen up? I can eat alone, since you won’t let me wait any longer. And– wait, oh.” You clap a hand over your mouth, eyes wide with horror. Unbidden, he thinks– adorable. He is charmed instantly by the sight, and so his voice is impossibly soft when he speaks.
“Yes?”
Your face contorts ever so slightly, in a way he doesn’t think he’s seen before. Embarrassment? Shyness? He regrettably has no more time to puzzle over it– you make it vanish in a way that denotes practice.
“I’m sorry,” you say, sounding so sincerely repentant he wonders who died, or who has to. He cannot take a mortal life– but Yelan could.
“Why?” He frowns.
“I didn’t even ask if you wanted to eat with me.”
Huh? The word is right on the tip of his tongue, ready to jump– ridiculous– when he swallows it. He may think your consideration a bit foolish, he knows, but the reason is that he is always looking for excuses to linger longer around you anyway. How could he not want to eat with you?
You, on the other hand, jump to defend him from himself. Just as he knew you would.
“Hey, come on!” You protest. “It’s not silly to ask when you’re free! It’s uncouth to call you whenever, you know.”
He wishes he were better at concealing his laughter from you.
He finds it childish, perhaps a little ugly– with its little huffs and wheezes, it sounds more like a series of rasps than a laugh. He simply cannot help it, because he knows why you hesitate, and perhaps it makes his amusement still more childish.
Imagine I call you away while you’re in the middle of something, you’d said the first time he told you his name was yours to call. ‘Anytime?’ ‘Anywhere?’ Seriously? What if you’re on the toilet, or asleep, or on a date. You’re in someone’s arms and all of a sudden you– whatever. Or you need to clean up but I need an impromptu dance partner so I call you and you show up all muddy and covered in blood, and all my friends go–
“What?” You say, now chuckling too as he places a hand on the railing, shutting his eyes. His throat hurts. “Why are you–” you burst into laughter as you say it, and for a fierce, burning moment, he wants to tug you closer and kiss you. Taste your mirth on his lips, right here where everyone can see.
“Why are you laughing?” You ask, curved lips and light breaths. He stills himself for reasons he doesn’t understand, but finds that the last remnants of his joy refuse to be wiped off, smudging across his lips. You look at him intently, as though committing the sight to memory. As though it is something worth remembering with care.
“It’s nothing.” He shakes his head and begins his ascent up the stairs once more. Your arm brushes his and he imagines for a moment, what it would look like if you linked them the way he’s seen couples do across millennia.
You don’t push it. “Okay,” you sigh. “Would you at least tell me what you left in my room back there?”
His steps come to a halt.
“A gift,” he says, deliberately vague. “I… selected something I thought you might prefer.”
“Oh?” Your eyes sparkle. He hopes they’ll sparkle the same once you unwrap it. “What did you get?”
“I cannot say.”
“Huh? Why?”
“I…” he hedges, “am told surprises make for better presents?”
“What?” You huff. “Who told you that?”
“Paimon.” His answer is prompt. You shake your head and gesture for him to go on ahead. He waits instead for you to fall into step with him once more. Privately, he decides– walking side by side is much pleasanter than storming on ahead, or lurking behind.
Reaching the balcony reveals quite the feast– Yanxiao has outdone himself, and Xiao is torn between guilt at him having prepared this all for him, and gratefulness for having prepared this all for you. He takes a seat before he remembers something about tugging out a chair for you, but dismisses the thought. How puerile. Surely you’d only take offence at him insinuating you couldn’t take a seat on your own.
“Well,” you say, petulance morphing quickly into delight at the sight of the feast before you, “Paimon isn’t all wrong. And, besides.” You beam, and he prepares his heart for the nonsense you’ll spout next. “With how caring you are, it’s probably something I’ll love.” His chest hurts, but you spout still more sweet nonsense– “and anyway, if it’s a gift from you? I’ll cherish it to the utmost.”
How, he wonders, quietly nodding and serving himself some fish, does one respond to that?
Thankfully, you seem to need no answer. You cheerily serve yourself a bit of everything– Yanxiao took both your tastes into consideration, after all– and chatter on about your day, about recent events, about the annoying mosquitoes that keep you up at night. He answers when you ask questions, and talks on without meeting your gaze when the subjects meander. In his periphery, he sees you look on keenly when he does.
Dessert comes too soon.
Xiao feels sincere dismay when someone comes up to clear the table and set dessert before you both– two bowls of almond tofu, comforting and familiar, with a small pot of honey on the side in case you need it. He worries for a moment that you’d prefer something different, but is relieved to see your eyes widen in delight.
“A sweet ending to an even sweeter day,” you say, once you’ve thanked the staff. “Ah, forget I said that,” you continue with a laugh. “That was corny. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Xiao starts to smile, then realises he’s doing so already. He bites back his startlement. “Alright.”
You eat in pleasant silence. When he reaches for the pot of honey, you swat his hand away and drizzle it over the dessert yourself.
“I’m glad we’re ending this with almond tofu,” you say, finishing the last of it just as he does. His smile turns smaller at ending. “Yanxiao kind of made the flan earlier mostly because I asked… sorry. I hope you didn’t mind too much.”
“Of course not,” comes his insistent answer. “It was a pleasant change.”
“Ah, good.” Your shoulders relax and the incessant smile turns just a bit brighter. “I thought it might’ve been too sweet.”
He stands, and holds out a hand to you. His fingers warm when they hold yours, the coolness dispelled by your touch.
“I’ve contended with many a sweeter thing today,” he murmurs. He regrets it as soon as he says it– he needs a firmer hold on that tongue of his. Foolish, inconsiderate, selfish. To think he could stoop low enough– to nearly invite a mortal into his affairs.
He shakes his head firmly and is about to bid you a firm good night when you gently squeeze his hand. The words die on his tongue.
“Isn’t that funny?” You say, softly. There’s cheek there, and joy– and something tender that he refuses to place.
in which you lose your mind over the genshin impact x west lake hangzhou collab outfit !!
xiao x gn!reader, 1.8k words, fluff. just the slightest bit suggestive at the very end <3
If you'd known what dire straits you'd be put into the very instant you stepped into your home, you'd never have returned.
Or perhaps you would have torn through the fabric of time and the barrier that was the very sky to ask the Shade of Time to please freeze it– to halt the world while you buried your face in your palms and screamed yourself hoarse. While you took a moment to somersault around the object of your simultaneous distress and desire. While you stared and stared and stared. While you composed a hundred sonnets and a thousand poems for your muse that would in time set your mind ablaze in the very second stepped indoors.
After all– this was a blessing that was sprung upon you with almost cruel surprise.
You are used to seeing your Xiao in his usual garments and the guards he wears for battle. And when he is home, you are used to seeing him allow himself the quiet comfort of loose trousers and soft, plain placket shirts in mild colours that make sunlight bounce off of them into the amber of his eyes, making them shine teals and pinks and blues along with their usual gold.
Time, patience and consistent adoration have blessed you by bestowing this particular honour upon you– of seeing him at his usual, and seeing him at his mundane.
Nothing, however, prepared you for this.
"My love!" You obliviously chirp, throwing the door open to your shared home. A long day of work was made even longer by the slower-than-usual passage of time (and perhaps this was Istaroth's unheeded warning to you) but it was made bearable by the knowledge that you'd celebrate with friends by the end of it. A party hosted, much to everyone's surprise and delight, at your place– to congratulate Yanfei on having perfectly resolved a difficult child custody dispute (her worst nightmare).
You'd prepped before you'd set off, so cooking would be as quick as you could make it. You'd vaguely decided on what to wear, and entrusted Itto and Shinobu with bringing over flowers and the like in advance. Yelan was to somehow dress Yanfei appropriately and bring her over. It would all be tricky at such short notice, you knew– but it was alright.
After all, you were prepared for every difficulty that would present itself in throwing a surprise party.
Save for this.
Your beloved stands immediately in your line of sight, by the coffee table, settling the cushions and covers carefully on the sofas. He glances up when you come in– evil little jerk– as though everything were alright, everything were normal. As if you don't feel faint and hot to the touch and in need of some privacy and probably something more that shouldn't be mentioned where children may hear– and now.
"My..." You weakly falter, bracing yourself against the doorway. Congratulating yourself on not tripping and falling onto the floor face-first, you swallow and try for a 'hi,' but all that comes out is a whimper.
Xiao frowns immediately, the tips of his ears turning sweetly pink.
"What is it?" He asks, crossing his arms self consciously. "Does it not look well?"
Oh my– Morax. Barbatos. Raiden Shogun. You mentally scream a fervent prayer to every Archon you can– to lend you even the slightest bit of composure.
Because Xiao looks– he looks devastating.
"Well?" You croak out, and he huffs and flushes further, somehow looking even lovelier.
"If you mean to flatter me you're doing a poor job of it. Unless I misunderstand your sarcasm–"
"Sarcasm?"
"Yes, sarcasm." He purses his lips, not looking at you. "If you'd rather I changed–"
"Xiao– no. What?"
Change? Change? What in hell is this man talking about?
Xiao looks breathtaking.
Somehow the whole of it is ethereal, not simply the details. The fabric itself is so smooth and even it puts you in a trance– you cannot help but walk slowly over to brush your fingers against the green as it drapes over his front, then trail your fingers across the embroidered gold on his sash up to his chest. Even as you finally put your hand on his shoulder, it is difficult to tear your gaze away from the soft, clean white of the top half. When you gently twist the fabric by his shoulder, Xiao softly shudders. The silk holds firm in a way that convinces you– it would hold similarly steady in a thunderstorm.
Trailing your fingers along his sleeve-clad bicep, down his arm, has him speaking– it has him calling out your name in the soft, questioning way that makes you step nearer out of habit. You take his hand in yours, breathless, and hold it up to see.
His wrist and palm are wrapped in soft bandages, but his firm fingers have been left out in the air.
A rare treat.
They’re long and elegant, made still longer and prettier by the length of his sharp nails. You feel Xiao's breath against your cheek as you examine them– they're just so perfect. Avian, you think. So gentle to all that he loves and deceptive to all that makes an enemy of him.
And the other arm– the shoulder and the tattoo–
"I need a break," you hiss, warm and flushed now. Morax. Morax. You need help.
You can’t bear to even look at him anymore. From up this close, every superlunary detail in his golden irises is visible to you, every curve and crease of his soft lips.
You do not want to party.
When you tell him so, he brings those lovely fingers to your cheek with a frown.
“You are warm to the touch,” he reluctantly concedes. Clearly this worries him– Itto and Shinobu are bound to get here any second now. Even so, he gently asks–
“Would you prefer to rest? If so, the rest of us could celebrate elsewhere.”
“What?” You blink. In your frazzled state, you neglect to tell him of the needlessness of it, instead continuing on to say– “but the party?”
This concerns him further– he tugs you gently closer and seats you on a couch. “Have you been this nonplussed all day?”
“Wha–”
“Shall we pay Changsheng a visit?”
“That’s not necessary–”
He straightens up, pursing his lips. “If you don’t feel up to it, I will go tell the rest to– hm.”
You deadpan. “The only other person with a house in the harbour is Yanfei herself. And– besides–” you try to stand, but Xiao blocks the way with an arm, sending you sprawling back onto the couch once more. You’re about to huff when you happen to glance up– and oh, to think a single glance could be so detrimental to your health.
From down here, you can look up at Xiao– up at the sharp planes of his face, at his jaw that you immediately want to pepper kisses over. From this angle, the light seems to pool at the tops of his irises, setting them aglow in a way you cannot describe. It’s unfair, you dizzily think, as butterflies and bugs and the moonfly thing from Nod Krai all erupt disharmoniously inside of your belly. It’s so unfair.
You want to tell him this, you really do– you want to be as articulate and careful about it as he deserves. But you’re just so flushed and it’s just so unfair and so you tip your head up, flushed, and cry out– “you make me sick!”
Xiao recoils, blinking. Even that is somehow enough to make you smack a palm into the pillow next to you.
“What?”
“I said you make me sick!”
“I– apologise?” He takes a confused seat on the coffee table before you, now looking sincerely worried in that mild way of his. “But,” he says, trying gently to appeal to your voice of reason, “I confess our dispute is ill-timed.”
You narrow your eyes and he mirrors the motion, frowning. “There wouldn’t be a dispute if you weren’t so good looking.”
Xiao blinks, now looking veritably lost. He then turns his eyes to the ceiling for a moment before affixing them back on you, embarrassed understanding seeming to dawn on him.
“Oh,” he says, and the flush returns to his ears. “Ah, so this– how foolish.” He clicks his tongue, getting up now and you see the flush creeping down his neck as he walks away. “Go get ready,” he calls. “You’ve shortened what little time we had further.”
“No, come back!” You jog after him, yanking on his hand as you do and he turns around, exasperated. His lashes are longer now, reminiscent of feathers– and plumes akin to hair curl round his neck for a moment. “Where’s– oh fuck you, you’re doing this on purpose now?”
His voice remains soft, but now his words are flustered, rushed. “And what have I done now?”
You point an accusatory finger at him and he crosses his arms again, slitted eyes narrowing. The avian features erase his blush– that was undoubtedly their purpose, and yet–
“Now you’re making me even sicker.”
Xiao turns helplessly towards the counter. “Then pay the pharmacy a visit,” he says. “I have side dishes to prepare.”
“Oh, so it’s all about Yanfei, isn’t it!” You toss your arms into the air as he looks steadily mortified. “Never about me? We talked about this! You’re supposed to prepare me two to four business days in advance–”
“Be serious–”
“I am completely, fully serious.” You take the pan out of his hands as he pulls it out the drawer. He deadpans. “Look at me– please. I need to see your eyeliner.”
He stares into your eyes for a moment, impassive. You’re so mesmerised by them you miss the smallest of smiles that creeps onto his lips for just a moment. Soon after, he turns his gaze to the pan and snatches it out of your hands.
“Done,” he says, and you bury your face into his shoulder, groaning. You feel a small laugh bubble inside of him– the shoulder shakes gently and your nose is pressed still more firmly against it, giving you a dizzying whiff of whatever gentle cologne he’s wearing.
“I’m sick,” you mumble, and he shakes his head, embarrassed still.
“So long as you live, I will never wear this again.”
“Are you serious?” You gasp once, then again when he continues to impassively carry on with the task at hand. “Please don’t be serious!”
“I vow it, since it evidently makes you ill.”
“I don’t know about being sick, but I do know the cure would be everyone heading home early.”
“...to think this is my reward for all my consideration.”
You nod, smiling, and he softly sighs. Finally smiling and shaking his head, he tells you–
“...You make me a little ill, too.”
“Aww!”
“Not like that.”
psst, he's lying– you do make him sick, and exactly like that <3
Hey I'm the anon that asked the hybrid reader ask. Still hoping this isn't weird, again ignore if yes, but could you maybe give some nsfw hcs for that ship? For both bunny reader and cat reader. I imagine it would be interesting as Xiao is a bird.
Anon. Grabbing you by the shoulders. I promise this is not weird in the slightest and I would be more than happy to give you nsfw hcs <33
Defaulting to an afab!Reader with gn!pronouns here since you didn’t specify!!
Xiao x Reader NSFW under the cut!! Minors, please dni <33
✦ SO envious of Bunny!Reader for being able to induce ovulation. Xiao quietly finds it amusing, considering neither of you want children– not yet, not when it may get in the way of your pleasure.
✦ He thinks of himself as veritably depraved for how often you fuck, sometimes soft and luxurious, sometimes quick and harried, nestled away in discreet corners and crannies, the parts of you that pray to not be found very quickly dissolving away in bouts of pleasure.
✦ Xiao is never selfish– if there is a singular quality that could never ascribed to him, it would be selfishness. And yet it’s how he feels when you cry out to him to go faster, to let himself loose. He used to think you didn’t know what you spoke of when you asked it of him, and yet. And yet.
Your hands tug him towards you anyway, flitting over his abdomen, his waist, his chest. They cup his cheeks and keep him in place as you lean closer, pressing soft, chaste kisses to his skin, as though you won’t soon be crying out for him as his claws keep you in place in the grass.
✦ Xiao is an Adeptus– mortal standards of propriety matter little to him, which works well in your favour. A kiss, a touch and a whispered plea are usually enough for him to trust you know what you’re doing and yield. It’s not like he could say no– there is a certain pleasure to be found in gazing into your unfocused eyes one moment as your cries bounce off the mountain peaks, as you squirm in his arms and clench round his cock, turning limp against whatever it is you’re leaning on. When Xiao throws his own head back in pleasure, he can glance upon the beautiful expanse that is Liyue– and when Xiao leans lower to catch your cries in his lips, Xiao gazes upon the still more beautiful you.
✦ You like it better still though when he wraps an arm round your waist (he never grabs your hips– not since they bruised once), the other reaching down to draw circles round your puffy clit as he mounts you from behind, stuffing you full of his cum– but only once you've cried from your own orgasms already. Xiao is alwys eager to please.
✦ You are quick to cum. You can usually go thrice or even four times while he’s still rutting into you, twitching and mewling and wrapping your tongue around his even as you’re breathless and tired. Your clit stings with overstimulation, and there’s a mess of sweat and cum dripping between your ass, soaking into the sheets– even so, you beg him to keep going, your voice jolting with every thrust, trembling as your nose twitches slightly, filled with the smell of sex and Xiao.
When he finally cums and lays against you, heavy wings heaving, his fingers gently brushing away the tears from your face, you press your lips to them.
✦ Xiao may be spent, but you were just tired.
So long as he permits, you’ll bounce on his cock with your muscular legs all night long.
✦ Xiao is smitten with your musculature. Perhaps you’d be prey in the wild– but as you are now, he muses, you could likely deal out a fair bit of damage before you take any. He’s fond of seeing you, of just looking. Your soft smiles, and timidly calculated movements are a sharp contrast to the hard planes of your body, and times like these, would Xiao wish he weren’t as tired as he was.
✦—————————————✦
✦ Cat!Reader is not nearly as driven.
✦ Sex with Xiao is a new delectation– with both of you languid, motivated and slow to touch, it took a long time to happen, but was comfortable when it did.
✦ Xiao, despite all his talk of ‘no desires’ is forced to confess, even if very quietly, and only to the deepest dredges of his heart– you are addictive. He couldn’t pinpoint that singular point of attraction when he tried. Perhaps it didn’t– perhaps all of you tantalized him. The soft expanse of your body concealing the deadly muscle beneath. Your quick reflexes in bed. The way your slitted eyes widen into spheres when you look at him, his claws as yours rake across his back. The way you wrap your legs round his hips so tight he can barely move. When he thrusts you shift with him, your cries coming out in broken ah-ah-ahs with every motion. You're so soft and endlessly warm round him, and he's so strong and so good at hitting every sweet spot with precision, forever eager to please, that more often than not, you come together, wrapped in one another's embrace.
✦ Sex with you is comfortable. It is safe. There’s little else you could describe it as. Both of you check for one another’s comfort every step of the way– it is languid and soft, and always very private, dimly lit rooms smothering your heavy breaths. He watches your eyes widen in pleasure and you watch his turn to slits. When he keens into your mouth, you kiss it and rake your nails against his back as gently as you can in your fervor.
✦ Xiao is a private person. He prefers keeping his weaknesses and activities to himself– no one wants to hear what he has to say, and no one ought to either. He is riddled with deadly impurities that leach into his world– he ought to take care to not involve anyone in it.
It’s hard, though, to stay so private when you are so unabashedly fond of him, when you lace your fingers through his at every turn, press your cheek to his whenever you meet, call out his name to just hear him greet you back. He thinks that’s what makes the residents and staff of Wangshu Inn shoot him amused looks sometimes.
✦ It’s not until he catches sight of himself in a mirror one day that he realises you’ve littered evidence of last night’s activities all across him. There’s softly fading love bites at his jaw, over the expanse of his neck, his powerful shoulders, and, he realises with a deep scarlet flush– probably along his thighs and stomach as well. His chest, too.
The newfound realisation of how much you put your mouth on him has him tugging you into bed early that night.
✦ Xiao knows you like feeling and being safe. Cats generally have small circles of friendship and are small predators, forever afraid of anything that might harm them. You are no exception. He watches your slitted eyes take in every newcomer that steps around the sprawling expanse of the inn, every leaf that falls round you when you lean your soft body against the railing, every insect that clambers up its curves. You’re perhaps the only other person that could sleep as light as him– eyes snapping open at the slightest vibration, change in light, or sound.
When you’re in his arms, though, he watches your eyes relax, feels the tension seep out of your body and away as you lean into him, pressing your cheek against his mouth as you push him against the headboard, seating yourself on his lap. You are affectionate, warmth and softness coalesced into one being.
He likes it.
I hope you like it, sweet Anon! I'm sorry it took so long :')
Out of everyone, your best friend was last person you expected to kiss you and run away. Little coward.
(Lovesick series- Wanderer.)
Wanderer x Gn!Reader, 9.6k words. (5.1k, 4.4k). Angst, then fluff. (Based off of this and this. Feel free to send more requests my way with a Laufey song and the character/s of your choice!!)
Some additional info!! Aqaba is mentioned here. For those who don’t know/don’t remember, Aqaba is the npc scholar in the Sumeru Interlude quest that was researching Tatarasuna (and wrote a terrible essay about it. If it gets peer reviewed the Akademiya is a lie.)
Also, I'd appreciate everyone checking out my beloved friend @sizzles-z-4002's pinned post!! They make the most wonderful art and their commission prices are insanely affordable <333
✦—————————————✦
Part I: Lovesick.
✦—————————————✦
In every relationship there’s ideally a give and take. It’s er– mutually voluntary, if you’re being very optimistic. But you know better than to pin these hopes onto Wanderer, of all people.
Whatever you know of him has been gleaned through vague mentions, an eye more watchful than Fontaine’s Marechaussee Phantom and literal, desperate research. For some reason. Even though Wanderer, on the other hand, is privy to every inch of your past, every bit of your personal life. For some reason.
Years of friendship have taught you– who cares. After all, if Wanderer himself does not wish to offer any information– begging will only achieve a lashing via those pretty, poisonous lips. He’s not the nicest. His momma never taught him please, or no, thank you, or excuse me, after all. Quite literally.
And so you’re stuck muttering curses under your breath, with mixed horror and pity, as you watch Wanderer widen his eyes in mock shock and laugh at the poor boy giving him a love letter. Argh. You’d told him not to do it, but oh well. At least his suitor had the wisdom to pull them both away to a quieter spot around the Akademiya– there’s no one else around their gazebo, thankfully.
No one to watch as Wanderer tilts his head, looking dire for a moment as he says something to the man in front of him, who hangs his head and quietly leaves. Well. That had a calmer ending than you’d predicted.
Unthankfully this does mean you had to run up a slope to find him, but still.
“Oi!” You yell. It sounds more like something between a wheeze and a bark. “Asshole!”
The Wanderer turns, haughty head tipped prettily over his shoulder, soft, doll-like– no, doll skin catching the warm beams of light filtering through the leaves.
He’s so beau- no, no, stay strong.
The prick doesn’t move an inch as you weakly make your way towards him– just stands there with his arms crossed, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It successfully prises them apart when you reach him, and he gives you a wicked grin when you smack a tired fist against his shoulder. He does not stumble.
“Why,” you wheeze, “would you laugh.”
“Why,” he mock-wheezes, “do you care? If someone’s begging to be laughed at, am I not being kind by obliging?”
Ugh.
“You know why it’s mean,” you grumble, plopping down onto one of the gazebo benches. Wanderer sits next to you, mock pouting and solemnly nodding, pretty, iridescent lashes brushing his cheeks with every blink. He’s gorgeous, easily the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen. Prettier than even the lithe warrior you met once in Liyue’s marshes, prettier than the wandering Inazuman swordsman you recently met, prettier than even Kaveh, somehow. Maybe even prettier than Candace.
No, you’re getting distracted again.
“They pour out their hearts to you, and you laugh when they do.”
“That’s ‘cause they’re not pouring jack.” He rolls his eyes. “They don’t know me, so what’s there to fall in love with?”
“How’s anyone supposed to know you when you never tell people about yourself?”
This is a common, predictable squabble with a common, predictable outcome. Every time Wanderer serves his admirers a scathing rejection, you run to their defence, despite some of them disliking you immensely. (He calls it charity.)
After all, you’re one of the few people Wanderer won’t shove away with a sneer.
You’re not sure why, exactly, but you know you’re in his good graces for some esoteric reason, and you know you’re there to stay. After all–
“Funny you say that,” he muses, rolling a piece of hard candy between thumb and forefinger before propping it against your lips, the candy held between your lip and his thumb. His fingers move from beneath your jaw to tap against your cheek in an impatient, open up sort of way. You hope he can’t feel your face heat up.
You open your mouth, and the candy falls in, and somehow it feels warmer than the sun beating down on Sumeru’s static afternoon.
“Funny…?” you prompt, scrambling to regain your footing, but it seems he’s not eager to offer any help.
“Yes, funny. As in amusing, as in it makes you giggle.”
It’s your turn to roll your eyes. “I know what ‘funny’ means.”
“Then,” he says, prettily leaning back in his seat (because everything he does is pretty, somehow) “you could also tell me what I thought was so funny about what you said earlier.”
Fuck.
“Uh…” Yeah, you have no idea. The stupid candy distracted you. You bite down on it in nervousness and it cracks, sending a jelly-like sour filling spilling onto your tongue, making you adorably scrunch your face for a moment. Wanderer laughs, and after taking a moment to compose yourself, you stick your tongue out at him. Jerk, you think affectionately.
“Your face looks like a dog’s ass right now.” He grins.
“You’d know, wouldn’t you,” you retort, and he sagely nods.
“I look at you pretty often.” He shrugs. “Hard not to make a comparison.”
“Aw,” you deadpan. “You stare at me?”
“Nah.” He pops a candy into his own mouth, eye twitching at the sweeter exterior, but shoulders relaxing at the sourness inside. “Not the way you stare at Aqaba, at least.”
“Aqaba–? Is that what this is about?”
Wanderer gives you a smile. It emanates neither joy nor amusement.
“And here I thought you’d at least be honest with me,” he says.
Huh? Did he find out you’ve been asking Aqaba if he knows anything about him?
After all– there’s quite literally no one else left to ask. You’ve read all you can about the Shogunate, about Inazuma’s branching noble families and bastard children, anything that would further help you understand what exactly is the reason for your best friend’s fucked up-ness. It’s just not fair that you know nothing, save for ‘my mum didn’t want me, so she chucked me into an empty mansion with a feather.’
And so you’ve moved on to enquiring about any major incidents in Inazuma. You heard about the Raiden Gokaden incident already, but learning about it had only left you with more questions. The story made sense in a vacuum, but large portions of it were poorly– or even not documented. To make things worse, the hints Wanderer gave about his past (that you’ve quite literally scribbled in a special notebook somewhere. Documentation.) don’t add up.
And so you decided to ask the only scholar you personally knew that researched it– Aqaba. The only other person you know that might have the relevant information is your Archon herself, and you doubt she’d appreciate you running into her home, clasping your palms together, falling onto your knees and begging like the Kamera-obsessed Fontainian woman that passed through here once.
What’s odd is that Wanderer’s never really had a problem with your nosy habits in the past, though. He really just lets you do whatever, since according to him, it’s funny to see you scrounging around for information only he has. So what’s the issue now? Does he not want you digging around his past? If he’d rather you stay out of it, you’ll happily acquiesce. You care more about him than sating your curiosity.
Evidently though, that’s not what he meant at all, because the next sentence to fall off his plump, beautiful lips is–
“Didn’t think he was your type, honestly.” He yawns. “But hey, he might figure out what you’d like for your birthday every other year, so go for it.” He gives you a sarcastic thumbs up– or is it sarcastic, because truth be told he sounds the tiniest bit butthurt right now.
You grin, about to laugh when you realise– wait, is he serious?
“I– pfft, what?”
Never one to yield to embarrassment, the idiot just sagely nods again. Much to his immense chagrin, if his narrowed eyes are anything to go by, you laugh even harder.
“Stupid!” You snicker and snatch the candy he was just about to pop into his mouth. He scowls at you as you suckle on it briefly– oh, it’s sour– but crunching it reveals the jelly inside, which is sweet instead.
Wanderer takes out yet another candy from his pocket, discarding the parchment into a tastefully camouflaged trashcan. It misses, and you bite back yet another laugh as he irately swirls it into the trash with a jerk of his finger, the anemo rattling it around a little.
When he bites into the candy, his dour expression tells you it was sour all the way through.
“So.” He stands, rolling his shoulders, and you bite back another shit eating grin. Wanderer is a puppet, with puppet joints. He does not need to roll his shoulders. “I take you’re not taking Aqaba to Sabzeruz?”
Oh. Right, that.
“I didn’t know it was the new Valentines,” you muse, as you both begin to make your way down the slopes, toward the city below. “Who are you going with, by the way? The busy little bee?”
“I just might,” he retorts. “You’re insufferable today.”
You snicker. “Wanderer. Darling. It’s okay to admit you’re wrong sometimes.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“You call me that.”
“You think I mean it?”
Ouch. You blink. “Obviously not, I guess,” you mutter.
He raises an eyebrow. “You guess?”
Ouch.
“Oh, whatever,” you huff, suddenly not wanting to meet his eyes. You turn to the city laid out below instead. The sun is the tiniest bit closer to setting. You could’ve sworn it was late afternoon just half a minute ago. Time truly is an enigma.
Some birds are starting to cause a racket near the trashcans again, flipping through paper cartons and thrown-out kitchen remains, looking for leftover rice or lentils or bread to squabble over.
You let out a small, rueful aw as a cat suddenly pounces on one and drags it off. Oof. Cycle of life.
“Rest in pieces, birdie,” Wanderer mutters, and you shove at him with a scoff. He doesn’t budge an inch.
“Whatever, with you saying shit like this, I might go with Sethos.”
“Not Aqaba?” Scara snickers, and you laugh relievedly. Thank goodness his bad mood’s worn off. What the hell was that even about? Why does he dislike Aqaba?
“Not Aqaba,” you promise. “I was talking to Aqaba because I wanted to figure stuff out about you actually.”
“Bet he didn’t tell you jack.”
You stumble over a rock as you walk and a gust of anemo steadies you. Ordinarily you’d have teased him for not even bothering to use his hands, but you don’t think your heart can take it right now.
“He didn’t,” you instead say. “Nothing about you, anyway. Unless…” You grin.
He tips his head back, raising an eyebrow. The sun reflects off of his eyes, more indigo than the sky when stained with a trailing, lingering dusk. You wonder what he thinks of when he looks at yours.
You’ve stopped now, at a landing between the slopes that overlooks the city below, and Mawtiyima Forest far beyond.
You wonder if you’ve been staring at the shifting colours of the sky in his eyes for just a moment too long.
“Unless?” he prompts, in a voice that’s leagues softer than the one he usually uses. This seems to annoy him– there’s a tiny crease between his eyes– but still no sarcasm to be seen.
And as much as you adore it, you pray it doesn’t return for a while.
“Unless the asshole that refuted his essays on Tatarasuna was you,” you say, and the spell is broken as he first scoffs, then lets out one of his villainous laughs.
“I was doing that idiot a favour–”
“Yeah, yeah.” You turn to walk down the path into the Akademiya’s halls. Sabzeruz, huh.
Pausing and turning back, you tip your head thoughtfully. Wanderer hasn’t moved from his spot on the landing, still. Whatever, if he wanted to tell you what was on his mind, he would.
Shrugging, you turn to him. “By the way, I think I’ll go a bit early to Sabzeruz– and for the record, no, I’m not taking Aqaba, I promised to show Kazuha around. Have I told you about him yet?”
Wanderer stills. “Kazuha?”
“Yeah.” You smile. “He’s this Inazuman–”
“I know Kazuha,” he cuts in.
“Oh. That should make introductions easier. Or more awkward, maybe? ‘Cause I was asking him stuff about you, but he didn’t really tell me. He did tell me talking to me was like holding hands on a cold night, though.” You grin, obliviously chattering on. “I planned on going with Sethos, but I’ll let you have him.”
Wanderer does not answer.
It’s getting on your nerves a little. Did he and the busy bee get into a fight? But they’re always squabbling, so that can’t be it. Is this about Kazuha? Does he think Kazuha’s cute, too?
“Do you wanna go with Kazuha?” you ask hesitantly. “Is that what you’re mad about– hang on, are you even going?” You peer up at him. When he doesn’t answer, you realise he’ll have to, being the Archon’s…shadow double? Nah he’s twice her size. Familiar, you figure.
“Nevermind,” you call. The breeze is starting to pick up now. “Who are you going with?”
Oh, you realise. Another stupid question.
If he’s the Archon’s familiar, he’ll go with the Archon.
You shrug. “Nevermind that either. You coming?”
Wanderer just stares.
Damn, what’s up with him?
“Your joints lock up?” You ask, smiling, and he lets out a quick, almost angry exhale and looks away.
“Why not ask me?”
“Huh?” You blink. About what, his joints? You just did. “About– oh, about your mum and stuff?” you ask.
He lets out a shallow breath. An almost-laugh. “About– yeah, sure. There’s a bit more to the story than just her and Miko’s nonsense, though, you know.”
“Yae Miko?” Now you’re curious. The Guuji’s involved, too?
Wanderer, seemingly noticing your expression, nods. There’s a hint of a smile playing on his lips, but even that seems rehearsed. “Mhm. Miko. She wanted me dead.”
Your eyes widen. “What?” The Guuji? Why? “Shouldn’t she care for you, since you’re her master’s–?” Shit, you wish you had a notepad. You’re about to tell him to wait while you run to fetch a pencil and some paper but he continues.
“I’ll tell it to you briefly. Don’t you dare run.” Noted, you think. You nod, wide eyed, and the smirk playing along the edge of his lips widens into something a little more candid. “Obedient, aren’t you? No– hush, now. Not a word. Let me finish. My mother made me after her sister, the original Shogun– I said no questions, shut up.”
You bite back a scream. The original Shogun? There’s two?
Wanderer grins now, baring all his teeth. The sky behind him is beginning to bleed into soft oranges, a bloody tint on the horizon far beyond. “No,” he says, as though he can read minds just like his master. “Not two. Three. My mother’s twin was the real Shogun. She died five hundred years ago– by the false sky, you’re surprised at everything, aren’t you?”
“The wh– okay, shutting up now.”
He smiles. It’s starting to look rehearsed again, and suddenly you’re worried he doesn’t really want to tell this story. You’re about to tell him he doesn’t have to, in spite of your feverish desire to know more, but he holds up a hand, looking visibly irked now.
“She died. My mother wanted someone to house her gnosis. She made me, decided I wasn’t worth squat because I had feelings, and dumped me in a mansion with this feather.” He flicks it with a finger and it falls back into place over his chest, beneath his vision. Over where his heart should be. “Then she made my sister, the third Shogun. Vanished into a plane inside her body. She doesn’t have a physical form anymore.
“A man called Katsuragi found me. He’s– he was the servant of this guy called Mikoshi Nagamasa. Nagamasa was the son of Mikoshi Chiyo. Torachiyo, whatever. Ring any bells, scholar?”
He sounds so scathing. There’s something– something wrong. You already know this story isn’t going to have a happy ending, but you’re starting to suspect this is a far bloodier, more convoluted tale than you’d expected. You’d thought this would be more about just him– but Torachiyo?
You’re suddenly glad you didn’t ask him to wait so you could fetch some stationary to take notes.
You feel like he’s only going to get angrier if you back out now, though. There is an air of grim certainty to him. Arms crossed, feet planted firmly on the ground, not a shred of humour to be found in his eyes, on the edges of his lips. And so all you can do is whisper– “She was… your mum’s friend, right? The one that she had to kill?”
Wanderer stands, still as a doll. He stares straight at your face and somehow past it. Only his lips move. “You’re supposed to be smart, so I’ll let you figure out why he had to kill Katsuragi later.”
Oh. Shit. You do not like where this is going, but more than that you don’t want to put him through this so suddenly. Your mind is a whirlwind of emotions– you’ve no time to decipher past soured tempers when he’s staring at you with eyes as cold and hard as marble right now.
“Wanderer?” You take a hesitant step towards him. “If you’d rather not, you don’t have to–”
“Katsuragi took me back to the furnace. This guy, Niwa Hisahide– remember the Niwa clan?”
You’re strapped to a Sumpter beast running straight at a wall. All you can do is answer. “He… um. He was a master of forging blades via the Isshin Art.”
A sneer splits suddenly across Wanderer’s face, and your eyes go from concernedly downturned, to narrowed in defiance when he says, “You’d know all about the Isshin art, wouldn’t you?”
“Is this because I spoke with Kaedehara?” you ask sharply. He rolls his eyes, looking even more incensed somehow and ploughs on.
“It’s Kaedehara now, is it? Funny. No matter. Niwa took me in, and taught me bladesmithing. A harbinger, The Doctor, pretended to be a technician from Fontaine and caused the Tatarasuna disaster. Impurities in the forge because thanks to him, we were smithing en masse with basically dead god remains.
“They sent me to get help from the Shogunate. My sister refused to see me– hell, I didn’t even know she existed– and while I was busy begging her men for just even an audience, Dottore killed Niwa. When I came back he told me Niwa left me and fucked off to who knows where.
“He told me I had to walk into the furnace with a device to absorb the impurities.” His expression softens a little as your anger morphs quickly into horror. In a lowered voice, he continues. “I did it. I thought I’d die, but the device saved me. When I came back Dottore told me it was because the heart inside the device protected me.”
“The heart–?”
“Niwa’s. But I didn’t know.”
There’s a long pause, as he regains his breath. You exhale shakily into your palm.
“Wanderer?” you murmur. “You can stop now.”
He barks a breathless laugh– or at least, you think it’s one. “No, I can’t.” He gives you a tight lipped smile. Your lips part in dismay when his next sentence is–
“Dottore told me Niwa killed a servant to get the heart, so I ran away. Mikoshi killed Katsuragi. I made friends with this kid, and he died and betrayed me. I tried to die in a fire, it didn’t work out. Nothing ever did. Pierro found me a bit later, and made me a Harbinger.
“Dottore tortured me for years, and like a halfwit, I let him. He tried to make me a god after I got my mother’s gnosis and Signora, the Eighth, died.”
“Wanderer–”
“It didn’t work. Kusanali and the Traveller beat me. The glutton fairy was there too, I guess. I found out what actually happened at Tatarasuna. I tried to kill myself, but it didn’t work, and now I’m here. And ah, by the way, it was actually me that ruined the Raiden Gokaden. And your beloved Kaedehara.” He widens his lips into a grotesque imitation of a smile, then drops it. “The other thing I forgot. Miko wanted me dead so she could be my mother’s only lapwarmer. She got what she wanted. Any questions?” You say nothing. You’re not sure you can. Wanderer exhales. “Good. You’re not getting any answers anyway. I’m tired now. But there.” He stiffly shrugs, a poor shot at nonchalance. “Now at least you can stop hassling Aqaba and Kaedehara and Archons knows who else about this.”
“Wanderer–”
“What now?” His voice sounds sharper with every syllable, unjustly close to a snap. What the hell? You’ve done nothing to make him angry like this– he told you everything of his own volition, and you’re nothing if not concerned.
Did he just not want you shoving your nose into his business? You rack your mind trying to look for a past moment that betrayed his discomfort at your inquisitiveness and fail– this is a game you’ve been playing for years. You look for information and he laughs when you find nothing.
Your mind’s a mess. Your heart has never beat this hard before, and there’s an uncomfortable flush spreading along your neck and ears, sending goosebumps across your skin. Something is wrong. You open your mouth to say something– anything– but what can you even say?
Wanderer barks a bitter laugh at your silence. “Wanna find out more about Dottore’s experiments?” he sneers. “What exactly happened with the Raiden Gokaden?”
“What– no.” You couldn’t give less of a shit about the Gokaden. “I just wanted to ask if you’re– are you okay?”
“Am I–? Forget it.” Even his breaths are heavy, and furious. “You know now, and you’re welcome. Happy?”
What is going on? Is he angry or hurt or sad? Or are you? You have no clue. All you know is that he looks and you feel stormier than even Seirai right now.
“How,” you say, and your voice has risen the way his has, dangerously close to a shout. The sky behind him is rimmed with a deep, bloody red. “How am I supposed to be happy hearing that? And why are you mad at me when I’ve done nothing wrong at all? And that aside–” you step forward to hurriedly take his hands in yours but they’re stiff, almost wooden to the touch. Uncaring, you force them into yours, wrapping your fingers around his tightly, hoping your hands can press the warmth back into his, the warmth that the wind had just blown away.
“Wanderer,” you whisper, insistent, and he turns his head to the side to look past you. “What the hell?” You hiss. “Look at me!”
He turns to you, and there's a cool look of almost… disconnect in his eyes. He lets out a breath and wrenches his hands from yours.
“I'm fine,” he says. Curtly, but not quite coldly. There's a tautness to his jaw, a tenseness to his shoulders that reaches all the way to his half curled fingers. When he sneers at you then, you can trust the verity of his disdain. “Now hopefully you can stop asking Aqaba and Kaedehara and Archons knows who else about me. Happy?”
“Okay, cool off.” You put your hands on his shoulders with a frown and forced calm. He somehow looks more pained than soothed. “I don't know why you're mad and I won't if you don't tell me why. And yeah, I guess I'm happy to know, but I'm sorry all that happened? We can talk about it, if you want–?”
Wanderer grits his teeth. When he lets out an exhale, you feel it brush against your lips. “Are you going to stop pestering Kaedehara about the Gokaden, or not?”
Your mouth falls open. What the fuck is up with this guy?
“Yes, I am!” You cry. “And if me bothering him made you so mad, you should have told me that right from the start, instead of–”
“I don't care about you talking to him.”
Huh?
“Then what is this about?”
He grips your elbows and all of a sudden, his hands are warm, warm. You didn’t quite realise just how close he’d gotten until he presses his forehead to yours, looking incensed.
Not until he brushes his lips to yours, and you freeze, wide eyed. And when all you do is blink at him, breathless, body warming, your hands tightening on his shoulders, he steps even closer, impossibly so– until his chest brushes yours and his fingers dig into your hips, until he shuts his eyes and kisses you.
Your brain barely registers what you’re even doing before you’ve thrown an arm over his shoulders, the other wrapped firmly round his neck. You’re nothing but want coalesced into one warm being, wrapping around him in a breathless daze.
His lips, cooled first by the wind warm rapidly as yours caress them, insistently pressing and kissing with an urgency that has him gasping into your mouth. His lips part so prettily you can hardly resist brushing at his mouth with your tongue, his own coming to press against yours for a moment. Grabbing him, you yank him even closer, and his head tips back as you break away to pant against his cheek before he’s hovering and forcing your head back with a vengeance, your face cupped in his palms as he kisses you with a passion. A string of spit slides slowly down from the corner of your lips and you grab at his forearms to pull him closer to your torso, to hear him gasp again into your mouth when he suddenly pulls away, burying his face in a hand, and the moment shatters like glass.
Shit.
No. No. No. What have you done? What has he done? There’s a sinking feeling in your abdomen that grows only bigger and bigger, engulfing you whole. Wanderer floats above you, staring to the side at the city below, mouth covered with a hand. You can see pink marr the soft skin of his arms where you grabbed him to pull you closer, and if you weren’t heaving for breath already you’d instantly have started apologizing for whatever the fuck this was.
“Hey,” you pant. God, what–? What is even going on right now? Too much is happening and you’re nothing if not confused.
When you look up at Wanderer, and can feel him straining to keep his composure, all the way from here. A tiny, impetuous part of you wants to grab his hand and yank it off his face so you could see his lips, which are likely pink and swollen and glistening. But him not responding– him keeping his eyes steadily on the city– strikes a little fear into your heart for the very first time.
Wanderer never scares you. He irks you, he gladdens you, he makes you rage and laugh and weep– you’ve never wanted to cower from him before.
But right now, suspended above you, is a puppet that nearly twice became a god, that very nearly became the third Shogun, that kissed you so fervently you cleanly lost your senses, and more than anything, you’re terrified– that if you scare him now, he’ll leave and you’d never know. He could sleep for a hundred years if he wanted, to just wait for your passing. He could fly away right now, and–
“What?” He softly asks, finally looking down at you, and in the hulking shadows of the Divine Tree, for a moment, he looks just so small, the blues of his attire swallowed whole by the bloodred behind.
You don’t know what to say.
His shoulders relax– regal as he is, they never slump– and he lets out a heavy exhale, looking like a god passing judgement. The feather by his heart flutters as a reminder of his divine origin, and for the first time in your life you wish you were an immortal, any immortal, so you could chase him for a hundred years, so you could begin to even find him and beg his forgiveness. For what, you’re not quite sure. And yet.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, in a voice so low no mortal would hear.
Wanderer does.
“You’re sorry,” he echoes, looking as though all the world’s fight and fury just left for the sunset through his lips when he spoke. “You’re sorry.”
You’ve never seen him make that face before.
It’s the barest expression. Just pursed lips and downcast eyes, his shoulders rising as he exhales again. He’s barely moved and yet he looks like he’s slouching into himself, looking not regal, not immortal, just… sad.
“I’m sorry too, then.”
✦—————————————✦
You end up going to Sabzeruz with Kazuha.
Wanderer goes too, of course, with Nahida. He stands behind her whilst she happily prances around, looking so sincerely ecstatic at the decorations and festival stalls and her people celebrating her that it paints your smile into a wide, genuine one, even if just for a moment.
For the first time in your life, though, Wanderer is completely unreadable to you. You can’t get a feel for his emotions at all, or even whether they’re on the positive side or otherwise. He’s a statue, a doll– a puppet, standing behind Nahida, accompanying her.
You see them converse, and whenever she sets her eyes on him, you fancy they look a little rueful. But their parade soon passes by, and the rest of your day is spent with Kazuha.
He’s gentlemanly, his tongue silken and his calloused fingers gentle when they tug you away from a snail you would otherwise have stepped on. When he’s occupied with coaxing it on a leaf to put it somewhere safe, your mind wanders to someone rude, with a barbed tongue and the softest hands you’ve known.
You host Kazuha for some days before he has to leave again, and your heart stings when you see him seated on the couch that he’d otherwise be sprawled on, when Kazuha sweetly compliments your cooking and someone else’s words ring in your mind, softness sealed tightly beneath leagues of sardonic ribbons.
When it’s time for Kazuha to leave, he presses one of your hands in both of his, squeezing them in thanks. When you smile at him in return, he tells you gently that he hopes things work out for you and that hatted gentleman– the one that glanced at you all throughout Sabzeruz.
✦—————————————✦
Part II: Serendipity.
✦—————————————✦
Wanderer still hasn’t talked to you.
Still hasn’t visited, hasn’t so much as glanced your way in the hallways, asked you to move aside in the bazaar, opting to take a longer route instead.
Whatever molten anguish you’d felt that day has since solidified into quiet, red hot anger.
He used to be such a frequent visitor that your home was well supplied with food enough for two– and hell, even to his taste. His toothbrush in the bathroom is pristine and stiff– he used this new one perhaps twice or thrice before. Well.
Leaving his things out is a painful reminder of him, and, you quietly think to yourself– it's almost, no, fully foolish. Embarrassing, even.
A month has passed, now nearly two. A new year is nearly upon you– it's just a week or two away, so close you can hear it murmuring round the corner, telling January to be a bit quicker than the previous year’s, and begging March to be exceedingly slow for no reason at all.
You remember being out on a walk with Wanderer the previous New Year's Eve, giggling as you eavesdropped onto the various resolutions being made around you. A bit mean, but hey, it's not like most people ever stick by those.
And the year before that, you'd been home, watching the fireworks from right here as you peeled and ate overripe oranges. He'd yawned, leaning prettily against a window frame, and you'd chucked an orange segment right into his mouth, making him choke on it for several seconds. He’d chased you all around the house with a vengeance, and you’d subsequently missed most of the lovely display.
You hadn’t minded in the slightest.
And the year before that–no. You force yourself to stop. Reminiscence only stings.
Although… Now that you think about it, you’ve never spent the new year without Wanderer before. Not since you’ve met. Not that it matters– you’ll be fine. Perhaps you could go pay your family a visit. Perhaps you could go out with some other friends– they’ll be happy to see you venturing out voluntarily, you’re sure. You could touch so much grass that way.
But, truth be told, you don’t really feel up to a party. It’s the last month of the year, and it’s cold, and cold means you celebrate inside, with warm food and cards and chatter. Maybe you could call your friends over. But, you know. The new year could serve as a new beginning, a chance to nurture healthy habits. To eat something homemade and sleep at nine, you’d have to do with just a friend or two. Preferably just one.
On the New Year's Eve two years ago, Wanderer had helped you make a tiny bonfire in a large, broken pot on your balcony. He was surprisingly good at lighting fires. (You wonder if the fall of the Raiden Gokaden involves arson, somehow.)
Reaching over in the dark, you grope around your bedside table for a water bottle, and your hand brushes against some pins, a shirt you’ve been wondering whether or not to wash, and your mora pouch.
(That reminds you– you haven’t begun searching for a present for Wanderer yet.)
And– fine, maybe it wasn’t so much about the new year. Maybe it was more about his birthday. So what?
You heave a soft sigh.
It’s one in the morning. Or is it two? Either way, it is late and you cannot fall asleep. There’s restless, jittery sparkles tumbling around inside your torso, leaving little trails of excited warmth wherever they go. You need to get them out somehow. Perhaps a walk would do the trick.
Is it worth risking at this hour? you wonder. Just how high up on the stupid scale would I rank for taking a walk out at this hour in just my nightclothes and a cardigan?
Pretty fuckin stupid, if you ask me, another voice in your head whispers. This one sounds an awful lot like Wanderer. Archons, you need to get him off your mind. This is insanity.
You know what? Perhaps the sheer anxiety of taking a walk out at this hour might distract you from him for a short while.
✦—————————————✦
Yeah, no, never mind.
Today is not a day for walking. Well, tonight, and night. There had been a cloying breeze carding through your hair, through the leaves when you’d swept out of the house, wrapping your cardigan tight around you like an angry grandma. The moon had been playing peek-a-boo with the fast moving clouds already, but you hadn’t expected them to lovingly engulf her so soon. By then, though, you were halfway up the Akademiya slopes already, and so sunk cost fallacy for a mission you hadn’t even realised you were carrying out had effectively reeled you in.
Some sweet folks from the Corp of Thirty had already offered to walk you home, concern plainly painted across their faces, but you’d declined. You were on A Mission.
In the dim hours of the night, you tip your head up and confess quietly to the stormy sky– you miss Wanderer, and like any good scholar, when faced with a problem, your first few instincts were to despair and whine, before your sleepy yet simultaneously restless mind decided to steer you towards the source– to try and fix it in the quickest way possible.
Getting over him isn’t an option. Weeks spent in his absence have given you more spare time than you knew what to do with, and it had allowed you to quietly, angrily compose yourself. Pissed or no, you were going to find and drag him back into your life. It's not fair– did all those years of friendship mean nothing to him? (You know for a fact they had– by the Archon, he’d kissed you. What a stupid thing to run from. Were you really such a terrible kisser?)
You square your shoulders grimly, wondering which way to go. Go home? You really, really don’t want to. The other option… Well, the guards at the Sanctuary of Surasthana would not be happy to see you in the slightest, no matter how friendly they were with you ordinarily. Imposing upon your Archon’s place of rest is easily the most uncouth thing you’ll have done this year, if you really go through with this. Argh, the things you do for love.
You should be able to fix things. It can’t be that hard– he’s not stupid. You just need to find him. Maybe you could ask the guards to take just the littlest peek inside? And call out to him, perhaps?
But what if he’s not home at all?
You clutch your chest as whispered doubts and what-ifs spin around your mind in a hazy, whirling dance. You’ve kept yourself busy to avoid thinking of him, but it’s been difficult to truly lock it all away, and now as you watch a stray cat streak over to a dog, who– much to your surprise– attempts to clumsily play with it instead of barking up a storm– you admit to yourself– not only do you miss him, you miss him badly.
The gall of him, to kiss you and vanish. You’ve racked your mind to figure out what the hell that meant. (You know what it meant, you know you do. But you kissed him back, so why the fuck did he run away?)
“What the fuck does that mean,” you hiss, burying your face in your hands. The Corp members standing some distance behind you glance concernedly at one another.
“Hey,” one of them calls out, a worried frown on his face. You know this one. You’ve seen him around. He’s cute, and incredibly sweet. You know it, because sometimes you see him playing catch with some kids, and you’ve seen him feed every single animal he seems to come across. You’ve seen this guy manage to coax even a finch on his finger, once.
Finches are always following Wanderer around, your brain whispers, and your eyes sting a little.
“Yeah?” You respond, voice wobbly with sudden emotion, and the guy instantly looks at you with so much worry in his eyes you nearly throw yourself at him to let it all out in his arms.
“You sure you’re okay?” He asks, concerned. You’re about to heroically tell him you’re fine, when someone else interjects.
“What’s going on here?”
Right on cue, there’s the briefest flash of lightning in the distance before a giant crack of thunder rolls all over Sumeru city, making it tremble beneath you. Or perhaps it’s you that’s shaking. Soft, damp pinpricks of water land on the ground, expanding gently as they soak into the dust. All you can do is just stare at Wanderer, nonplussed, as it truly begins to pour.
✦—————————————✦
“Do you need a towel?”
“There’s one in here.”
“That’s mine,” you say, and there’s a pause. You sigh. “If you’ve used it already, whatever. I’m gonna heat some milk up. You want any?”
“A cup. No honey.”
You sigh again. “I know.” You also know he’d rather have bitter tea, but you’re in no mood to exert more energy than is necessary right now, least of all for him. It’s not like he’s monopolized pettiness.
You pad over to the kitchen, wrapping your cardigan tighter around yourself. The storm has picked up in earnest now, slamming against the Divine Tree, against your walls and windows. It’s already successfully destroyed the potted plants in your balcony, which you can’t bring yourself to care about right now. You’re just glad you forgot to hang your laundry out today.
Wanderer’s the one that brought you back home. You’d walked at first and, when the wind picked up, he’d lifted you up in his arms and flown you both here at a speed that nearly had you shrieking. If, you muse as you pour some honey into your cup and lift the pan of hot milk off the stove, you’d felt slightly less petty, you really would have screamed.
You’re busy pouring the milk into the mugs when your bathroom door swings open with a long creak, letting scented tendrils steam drift leisurely out.
Wanderer steps out, clad in some of your clothes. They’re ill fitting, but he looks alright nonetheless. Good, even, much to your chagrin. He always does. Ethereal beauty and all that. You roll your eyes as you leave his mug on your counter and walk over to your cabinet to get a spoon, refusing to offer any further acknowledgement.
Wanderer floats to sit on your counter, turning even something so mundane into something regal. That’s just how he is. (You wonder what Inazuma would have been like with a softer Archon, an Archon surrounded by finches. An Archon that sheds tears. Or shed, maybe? You’ve never known him to cry.)
“You’re quiet,” he muses, breaking you out of your thoughts. Never one to shy away from confrontation, he stares straight at you over the rim of his cup as he takes a sip. He doesn’t blow on it. You’d normally be secretly beguiled by those eyes, but tonight you just stare sullenly back. Predictably enough, he doesn’t react to your moodiness. You’d figured he wouldn’t– known that he’d never apologize first. He’s too proud. He’d never grovel, least of all for a little mortal like you.
But if he thinks his silence will turn you talkative, he’s dead wrong.
“And deaf, too,” he adds. “Or maybe just too uncreative to think of a good response.”
“I don’t think I need to be creative for this at all,” you retort. (Maybe not that wrong.) He raises an eyebrow at that, and although there’s no other change to his expression, you know he’s pleased.
“And,” you continue, composure dissolving at the audacity of this jerk, “don’t think you can come around and act the way you used to after leaving me for two months, with zero explanation!” Storming over, you slam your now-empty cup onto the counter with more force than is necessary. A long, splintering crack runs up its side, and you click your tongue, frustrated.
Wanderer only watches.
“Are you serious?” You demand into the silence. “You’re not going to say anything? You’re in my house, asshole, not a shitty motel you’re staying at for the night. Talk, or get out of here.”
Nothing could’ve prepared you for what he says next. “But I just took a shower,” he complains, lounging on your counter, propping himself lazily up with an arm behind him. All of a sudden, he’s smiling, entirely too comfortably. His eyes glint with smug satisfaction, and you can’t help but feel like you’re missing something. A knife, maybe. His fourth (fifth?) betrayal. Heavens, he’s infuriating. “Sorry. Sunk cost fallacy. My favourite.”
You glare. “Sunk cost fallacy sure didn’t make you stick around by a years old friend,” you say bitterly. Wanderer just smiles, the very personification of delight. His eyes seem to shine brighter with every angry word that makes its way out your mouth. It serves only to piss you off further. “Or,” you hiss, “maybe I don’t even count as one? My mistake.” Saying so, you snatch the still mostly-full cup from his hands, forgetting in your anger that the milk inside was still hot, and his eyes widen, delight vanishing as quickly as it came.
“Careful!” he barks, but the warning comes too late.
Hot milk spills all over your arm, and you cry out in startlement, dropping the mug onto the ground. Being the good little mug that it is, it sullenly drops, spilling milk everywhere, but doesn’t shatter. You wince and nudge it with your toe, and find that the handle has fallen off, but that it’s otherwise completely intact.
“Fuckin loser,” you hiss at the mug on the counter. “Look what your sister can take.”
Shushing you angrily, Wanderer instantly yanks your hands in his and tugs them into the sink, turning on the taps. The pipes, cooled by the rain outside, let in water that is deliciously cold, soothing your overwarm skin nicely. You blink at him as he glares at your hands, lips parted in distress.
“Idiot!” He hisses. “Grabbing it out of my hands like that! Mortals truly are as foolish as they are fragile.” Saying so, he holds your hands firmly in place beneath the running water. You can’t help but notice that he holds you by the elbows, not by the arms, where he thinks the burns are. You’re pressed tight against his side like this, and the planes of his face are right next to yours. His hair is still damp. It smells like your shampoo.
“Well?” He demands, after several moments of you dumbly blinking at him. “Have you been burned stupid?”
Why is he like this? you think ruefully, sighing softly. But fine. You win.
Feeling your anger melt swiftly away, like a block of salt in running water, you wrench your arms gently out of his hands and turn the taps off. Smiling, you hold your arms out for Wanderer to see.
“I'm fine,” you say. “Completely fine. It wasn't hot enough to burn me, it just stung a bit.” Looking carefully first at your expression, he turns his eyes towards your drenched, but otherwise completely normal, unblemished arms. Finally convinced, he pulls away, lips pursed.
Archons, it's hard to stay angry with him, especially now, with his eyes still strained with worry, lips pressed tightly together as he peers at your arms still, checking for himself. He's not furtive– he never is.
You've missed him so terribly.
You hadn’t realised the potency of your jagged, angry hurt, twisting and scraping your heart, making it bleed blue and red and green. Hadn’t realised how much you'd missed bumping into him, the playful smacks and shoves, and on occasion, linked hands. Not until now. Even just this, just his concerned touch, is enough to send the familiar warmth of heartfelt affection coursing through you once more.
You remember when he'd grabbed your bicep on your birthday once, and risen ominously in the air, you shrieking with terror, him chuckling and giving no other answer. The way he'd then grabbed you by the waist and sped through the branches, bursting out of the smooth, tender, newly grown leaves of the Divine Tree’s crown. From up in his arms, you'd seen all of Sumeru City laid beneath you, beyond a soft blanket comprising entirely of new life, the giant tree’s teeny baby leaves. It had been surreal.
What had made it more surreal was the realisation that even in the face of this impressive vantage point, a small voice in your mind had shyly pointed out just how gently you were cradled in his arms, and sent warmth coursing from your cheeks and neck to every inch of you.
And so when he pulls his hands away from yours, here in your kitchen, you throw your arms around him, burying your face in his hair. It's what he deserves, for kissing you out of nowhere and vanishing without a word. You tighten your arms around him, face warming when you remember the way he'd gasped against your lips.
Wanderer doesn’t hug you back, but he doesn't push you away, either.
Instead, after a long pause, he says, “you're stepping in the milk.” His voice is audible and real and close, right here, right next to your ear. “Gross.”
“I'll clean it up later,” you mumble. Archons, he’s here. There’s a long conversation to be had with him, about his past and your future, but it can wait for now. “Hug me back first.”
“Pathetic. First you throw a fit and now you expect me to hug you back? Have at least a kernel of pride.”
“Shut up.” There's no bite to your words, nor his. You wonder where you put your jar of shitty, bitter tea leaves.
Wanderer breaks you out of your thoughts by sighing against your shoulder and finally bringing his arms up to wrap around you. They're firmer than a human’s would be. Divine strength encased in unassuming, slender arms and soft, unblemished hands. When he tugs you closer, you have no choice but to lean into him, shutting your eyes tight as you bury your face into his neck.
After several long seconds, Wanderer warily asks– “when are you setting me free?” And you laugh softly into his shoulder, consumed by relief.
You give no other answer. You don't pull away, though, and neither does he.
You only speak several moments later to warn– “I'm not letting go first, mind you.”
“Is this a competition?” He quickly returns. “If it is– well, can't say I particularly care, but I'm not fond of losing.”
“Isn't the bigger loss to hug me forever?”
“No.”
You blink. “No? That's a surprise.”
He heaves a heavy sigh. “Fool. Would I have kissed you if it was?”
You freeze. He freezes too. For just a moment, the storm stills as well, before lightning crackles in the distance with the sound of a thousand sticks shattering, and the rain picks up again.
You pull away.
If Wanderer had ears, you’re sure they’d be flat against his head. His shoulders are held sideways and upright, head tipped high– the prouder he looks, the more disconcerted he is, and right now he looks as though he were standing on the threshold of a mansion made entirely of gold.
You, though, are entirely too tired for pretenses. It is four in the morning. You simply do not have the time.
And so, you tug Wanderer out of the milk puddle, and cup his face in your hands to kiss him once again.
You’ve barely tugged him closer when his hands are on your waist– gentler and more uncertain this time, featherlight fingers brushing your hips, making you jerk away– they tickle. When he steps away, forehead creased with worry, you groan.
“Man, please. Can I kiss you or not?”
“Can I– you just jumped away like a fucking frog–”
“That’s because you tickled me, smartass!”
“Archons,” he hisses, annoyed, and you’re struck dumb once again by just how pretty he is. “Just come here.”
“Not that easily.” You cross your arms. “Say please.”
His eye twitches. You’re having way too much fun. You know he’ll never actually beg– please is not a word he’s on friendly terms with– but even so. He’s here, in your kitchen once again, and your socks are soaked in milk– which has now turned sticky and cold and you cannot wait to change out of them and climb into bed. You’re definitely not leaving the house tomo– today. Thank goodness for the storm. It’s an easy excuse to stay home.
You’re busy thanking whoever the Shogun is for the storm she’s so benevolently sent your way, when an exasperated sigh breaks you out of your thoughts.
“...please.”
“What?” Did you hear that right? Did he just say please? Did he?
“I’m not gonna say it again, you hear,” he huffs, as your eyes widen in delight. “Now come here.”
“Nuh uh.” You cross your arms, snickering rather meanly. “Explain yourself first, then I might.”
“Are you serious?” He spreads his arms, looking both frustrated and amused now. “Does now look like the time?”
“The audacity– you pissed me off in my own house–”
“I just want to kiss you and head to bed, is that so much to ask for?”
You narrow your eyes at him as you peel off your socks and drop them onto the floor with a wet thlop. Might as well talk a little now when you can. You’re definitely taking a day off tom– today.
“I’ll talk to you in bed and then kiss you. How’s that sound?”
He sighs as he peels his own wet socks off and tosses them atop yours. You both look at the soggy pile for a long moment before grimly nodding at one another– you’ll deal with that to–day. But several hours later.
Some minutes later, you’re finally in bed, warm and happy, with little bubbles of giddiness floatily making their way from your lungs up your throat, popping just behind your tongue. Wanderer crawls in next to you, setting a water bottle down on your bedside table.
“Great,” he says. “Let’s talk.”
“Let’s talk,” you echo, with an annoying inflection to your voice that makes him snort. You mimic the snort too, and he sighs.
“I think staying up this late is starting to drive you a bit insane.”
“Be nice to me or get out of my bed.”
“You are a normal, functional human being.”
You beam. “Thank you.”
Propping himself up on an elbow, he looks at you for a long, searching moment. The lamplight casts him in the softest glow, making him look a little like an oil painting. “Now,” he says. “Let’s talk.”
“I’ll cut to the chase because unlike some people–” you raise your eyebrows meaningfully– “I’m not a coward. Ergo I don’t kiss pretty people and run away.”
“Pretty?” He scoffs. “If you were just pretty, I wouldn’t look twice at you.” Wait– oh, he wasn’t insulting you. By the moon, does he have to say the sweetest things in the most scathing way? (You wonder why you even ask yourself these things when you know the answer to that is yes.)
“I– okay. Thank you.” You bite back a smile. God. A single compliment, if it can even be called that, and yet. “So. You do like me?”
“I despise the way mortals speak of their romances this era.” He rolls his eyes. “If I just liked you–”
“Yes, okay, okay. Settle down.” You reach out to pat his head and he scoffs, but there’s a smile on his lips nonetheless.
“I’m not a dog.”
“It talks!”
“Shut up.”
A mosquito comes buzzing along, whispering sweet nothings in your ear in its reedy voice. Wanderer swats it away.
For some moments, you just lay there, wrapped in the remnants of his voice playing in your head, in your blankets that reflect the warmth of your own body, and his. You throw a leg over his thighs as you shuffle closer and he shifts to make more room for you on his pillow. When you rest your head by his chest, he lays his cheek against your temple, slinging an arm over your torso.
“So?” He asks, and for once his voice is just… soft. Just there. Wanderer talks a lot about hating added flavour, claiming to love bitter tea because its reality isn’t cloaked by cloying sweetness or distracting spices, but he’s guilty of just that. Painting himself with the most unfavourable, forthright brush.
Words and tones are different. If he really wanted neutrality, ought he not sound more civil? I just tell it like it is, he says, wrapping his blunt words in serrated, barbed ribbons called sarcasm and hauteur.
Right now, though, the ribbons are off, and his bluntness is accompanied by only his honest, true self. “I love you,” he says, and your heart does a happy little loop in your chest. Your fingers tighten their grip on his– your shirt. “Do you love me? Just say yes and kiss me quick.”
Your joy is so visceral the joyous bubbles in your chest may as well be real and tangible. You imagine opening your mouth and blasting him with them, and laugh softly into his chest. Against your temple, you feel him smile.
“To think I was scared of you.”
“Damn. That really is honest.” Still smiling, you look up at him, your eyes alight with affection. And, skies above, he has no heart but he swears his chest hurts.
“I love you,” you say, the words forming so, so prettily on your warm lips. When he brings a finger up to trace the outline of them, and you kiss his fingertips. He cards them through your hair, stroking it away from your face so he can see you better– the shape of your eyes, the curve of your lips, the ridge of your nose. Here, pressed against you, in your room, beneath your blankets, he basks in your scent, in your presence. It makes his face flush a little, and you trail a finger from his cheekbone to his neck. Grabbing your hand in his, he pins it loosely beside you as you shift onto your back.
Leaning closer, he presses his forehead to yours, deliberately squishing your nose. You laugh again, right against his mouth, then reach up to kiss him a second time.
@cloudyheartt here's Wanderer! I hope you like it <3