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29……as a promise Will/Tom

send a kiss & a ship triple frontier ships

update (1/12/25): now posted on ao3 under the title "maybe i'll be a better man (by the time you wake up)"! cleaned up only a smidge for things like spelling errors and a few random sentences re-worked for clarity/accuracy. you can find it here.

bonus mention of established ironpope, established fishben, and maybe even benpope

so apparently i took this bitch as a challenge and ended up with-- instead of a drabble like intended-- a fucking 3.6k fic of redfly soul searching while will is in a coma. so yeah! uhm lol idk how i got here...

i admittedly smudge the "/" part of the will/tom as it's not really like them being together just more will being a major catalyst? but i like to think it's open enough that you could read it as like a pre-relationship or well pre something... uh... yeah...

i'll be posting this on ao3 so keep an eye out for that!

i normally write and hc will's head-shot incident like prior to delta. but moved it to after he joined delta for the sake of this.

i also don't normally hc tom as anything but cishet, but it was fun to consider for this! i don't think he's gay, if anything like. bi with a preference for women and just. the unfortunate victim of a lot of toxic masculinity and stacked ontop of DADT era military and a shit childhood. *shrug* a lot of oh this is what it means to be a man performative bs.

oh and like in my other fics i actually share a hc with @reggiesfilthylittlesecret about it making more sense Will & Benny being enlisted not officers (tho only Will is ever said to be an officer)

dividers by @cafekitsune

The four men crowded around the large glass sliding door of the private ICU room, all staring and transfixed on the hospital bed where Staff Sergeant William Miller laid in a coma. In the middle of them was Ben, Will's younger brother (his pride and joy). He was the only one not in uniform, and his face was unusually red, eyes bloodshot; worrying at his bottom lip nervously. Redfly had a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a reassuring squeeze. Catfish, to his other side, was absently rubbing Ben's back.

“He doesn't look right,” Ben said quietly and he rubbed at his face as his eyes watered. Redfly removed his hand as Catfish pulled Ben into a side hug. He dipped his head and said something quietly back to Ben, and neither Pope nor Redfly could really make it out, besides it sounding like some sort of soft encouragement as Ben just nodded silently.

It was doubly odd, really. Seeing Will without hair, on a ventilator, and dead still; and for Ben to not be the one trying to cheer everyone up… His personality trait of if I don't laugh I'll cry quickly rounding to the second part…

“Man…” Redfly breathed. “I can't believe it… Like, 75% of blondie's charisma was just his hair.”

It's a bit fucked to say, but it catches the other three off guard enough and the four men break into exhausted, quiet laughs. Even Ben, who it was mostly for; though it also starts some more tears and his laughing ended in wet hiccups.

“Well, he'll be devastated, but at least he can have the pleasure of knowing we all had to shave and break out the monkey suits,” Pope added, voice tight, but trying to keep it on the lighter side for their benefit. Ben hiccuped again before snorting and nodding.

Redfly looked over and caught Catfish's gaze, and he gave a small nod to the pilot. “Benny,” Redfly said, turning to the youngest man. “Fish is gonna get you to the hotel so you can get some rest okay?”

“What!? No, nonono– I- I can't leave Will he'll–” Ben hiccuped roughly, eyes panicked and wide. “He'll be alone–"

“Hey, Benny no– No he won't. We're gonna take turns being here okay? Now that he can have visitors,” Redfly quickly reassured, putting his hands on Ben's tense arms. “I'm gonna take the first shift, then Pope, then Frankie, then you… But you're literally about to pass out from not sleeping,” the captain sighed.

The Marine looked incredulously at him, but the exhaustion was evident in the literal everything about him. “But–”

Catfish spoke up, “C'mon Benny-boy; you know your brother would kick our ass if that happened,” he added. Redfly out of his peripheral saw the pilot squeeze his waist softly.

It took a little more coaxing, but finally Ben relented. He hesitated by the door, as if taking his eyes off his brother meant he might disappear. But Catfish got his arm slung around Ben's shoulders as he kept him tucked in close as they headed to the elevator.

Soon it was just Redfly and Pope. Pope was rarely so open with his emotions like he was now. “I uhm… Do you need me to grab anything for you, for your first shift here?”

“Santiago?” Pope startled st the use of his proper name, and he looked up to Redfly curiously. “I'm fine, go to the hotel. Get some rest okay? Just… It's okay to stop working right now,” he reminded him with a slight smile.

Pope paused before nodding. “Yeah… Okay… Call if you need anything, Captain.”

“So… You might have a new nickname… It, might also be kinda my fault?” Redfly stood alone in the room ICU room, the curtains drawn over the large class windows in, obscuring the room from view. The captain stood a distance away from the foot of the bed, uncharacteristically fiddling with his cap. “Was talking with a couple of men, giving finer details to the report. I don’t really know why, besides, y’know, Navy but— I just remember saying something like how the bullet bounced right off ya; like Ol’ Ironsides…”

Redfly shifted in his spot. “Ol’ Ironsides is the U.S.S. Constitution… the wood she’s made of and such made it so cannonballs would bounce right off her, hence the name… But, you probably already know that. If nothing else Benny probably knows and has told ya all about it…”

The S.E.A.L. took a deep breath, shoulders sagging. “But, I guess they liked the comparison, especially once it got out you got that metal plate in your head now… Anyways, heard some of the men around the base call you Ironhead… So, it might be sticking around… If ya like it, well then you’re welcome, and if you don’t? That’s my bad. You can blame me for it,” Redfly chuckled weakly.

There is no response from the man in the bed, only the continued steady noises of the ventilator and the soft beeping of monitors.

Catfish: So, Pope and Benny are switching rooms for now. We got to the hotel and he started to panic again...

Catfish: Considering they live together and here sharing a room and all I guess it shouldn't be a surprise.

Catfish: So yeah, he's in room 105 now with me. He's calmed down and he's passed the fuck out finally.

Redfly sat next to the bed in one of the room’s provided chairs. He had many hours to go in his ‘watch’ over Will. He read the messages, and acknowledged them, before tucking his phone away again.

“I’m glad Benny has Catfish…” Redfly said after a moment, inhaling deeply before slowly releasing it. “Yeah, I know about them. You and Pope too,” Redfly shrugged. “Have for a while. I don’t really know how you four manage to stay so objective, honestly. Like, if Molly were out there with me? I’d be fuckin’ pissing myself scared she was going to get hurt.”

Redfly ran his fingers along the brim of his cap, frowning slightly at it. “Hell, I don’t even know how you manage it with Benny… Honestly, you’re a stronger man than me.”

He spared a glance to the bed, watching Will’s chest slowly rise and fall with the mechanical breathing; as steady and even as a metronome.

“Benny’s a fucking mess right now,” he admitted. “But he’s finally sleeping. He hasn’t since we last slept before you got shot, which was…” He paused, his own sense of time muddled from exhaustion and stress. “Shit, going on eighty hours ago now…”

Redfly looked away from Will and back to just idly examining the room for a long moment. “I did spot Benny and Pope making out though, the other week. That’s definitely new… Or Pope and Benny just gotten complacent and sloppy suddenly in trying to hide it from me. Probably not though… I dunno. I guess— so long as it doesn’t hurt you or Fish…”

Night had fallen only about two hours after Redfly started his watch. The room was dark and the nurses had just finished their rounds.

Redfly preferred nighttime, probably like most military folks did. Insomnia was a real bitch, and he was unfortunately under it’s thumb as much as anyone. Being special forces had only made it worse. “I don’t know how you always sleep so well… I dunno, maybe that’s a bad sign,” Redfly said with a slight snort of a laugh, shoulders shaking some. His coat had been set aside a while ago, folded neatly and draped over the back of another chair. “But, with what you’ve been through? I suppose you’ve just learned how to sleep with that weight…”

Redfly stood and stretched out his massive frame, rolling his shoulders. He started to pace the room, slowly and methodically in a circuit, working blood through his limbs once more. “My contract is up for renewal soon…” He sighed, stopping in front of the small window, and took a second to open the blinds a bit. Moonlight and lights from the base’s streetlamps raised the light level by a fraction.

“Things are… bad. At home… Honestly? If I renew and continue my commission— I give the marriage a year. Tops, and that’s being fuckin’ generous… But if I get out–” Redfly choked before he could finish the sentence, taking several deep breaths. “It’s not– It’s not that I don’t love her or the girls. They’re my whole world but… This is my calling, this is what I’m meant to do. I’m, I’m not fucking ready to be a civilian,” Redfly confessed, his normally strong,even voice trembling ever so slightly.

“But she’s so fucking sick of my shit, and honestly I can’t blame her… Maybe it’d better…” He looked back to the bed, then back out the window, peering out to what little of the base he could see between the blinds.

Will Miller was his best friend, if Redfly was honest. If Pope was his right hand, then Will was his left. Will always seemed to know what to say, and even if he didn’t, always seemed to be able to help people work through the problem. He’d done that a lot for Redfly over the years; and especially recently.

The thought triggered a memory, and the captain suddenly flushed, shifting uncomfortably in his spot at the window. “Y’know, whether it was because I got out or I dunno, any reason really… I was going to make you my replacement. You’re enlisted but, you’d be the best man for the job. Pope is wonderful but he’d hate being the leader. He likes playing advisor too much… But you? You’re a fucking natural, Miller.”

Redfly had started his circuit around the room once more, hands stuffed in his pockets to stave off the slight chill of the hospital air. “It fucking sucks too because I don’t think you see it either. Not the same way, at least, as the rest of us do.”

He finally stopped at the foot of Will’s bed. Both hands on the foot board, Redfly leaned his weight onto the bed some, causing him to hunch his large body some.

“I’ve–” Redfly cut himself off, face pinching in frustration at himself. Finally he groaned and let his head hang. “I’m not fucking good at this,” he gestured vaguely at nothing in particular, before planting his large hand on the foot board again. “Talking through things or my emotions… I’ve always been, envious, I suppose. Of you and Benny. Well, I guess mostly Benny, but still. He’s good about that, being open. I dunno, he wear’s his heart on his sleeve and in our line of work that’s so dangerous but he makes it work somehow. You do too, I guess. More subtly… But I still admire it…”

Redfly, raised a hand and scrubbed at the corners of his eyes with his thumb and pointed finger. He felt like an idiot, talking like this. Paranoid, too, even though he was keeping his voice low it didn’t mean someone couldn’t potentially hear if they tried… Or maybe he’d just been around Pope to long…

He was sat down again in the same chair, closer this time, and near the top of the bed by Will’s head. Redfly was staring at the massive scar that graced Will’s head. It made Redfly’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

He doesn’t look right. Ben’s words flashed in his mind, providing the words to anchor the reasoning behind his discomfort. Will was a young, attractive man; intelligent to boot, and more stubborn than a dog with a bone. He wasn’t supposed to be like this: head unevenly shaved to provide access to the wound, a massive but sealed incision gracing the side of his skull. '“I’ll see if maybe one of us can’t come in and uh, clean up that cut for you… Once you’ve healed a bit more. You’ve already had three surgeries and all…” He said absently, before finally closing his eyes.

Redfly sank down in the chair, using the other he’d pulled over as a foot rest. “I’ve…” He paused, hesitating once again to speak. “I’ve been thinking, about our uh… talk last week…” He finally forced it out, his voice small and nervous; amplified by the darkness of the room.

“Tom, you’ve gotta fucking chill man.” “Huh?” He looked back to Will, who was about a step and a half behind him. Even Will and his long legs were no match for his stride, so he slowed his pace ever so slightly so he could walk by his friend again. Friend, not colleague, not fellow military man, or teammate… Just as friends, who’d taken the time to go out with the others to the bar and watch a hockey game that the brothers were particularly hyped up about. Will sighed, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “You’re little fucking comments, to Pope. About his informants. You need to chill.” Tom rolled his eyes and looked forward again as they walked; humming noncommittally in acknowledgment neither agreeing or disagreeing with it either. “I’m serious, Tom.” It took a few steps before he realized Will had stopped walking. “Fine.” Tom said, shaking his head. “Nah, you don’t get to pull that with me,” Will huffed in annoyance, frowning. “Because you need to actually understand.” “Understand–?” Tom paused, frowning slightly. He suddenly wasn’t on the same page as his friend, which alone was a weird feeling. Will shifted, eyes glancing around to see who all else was around. They were essentially alone, on the dark street. “Tom, man, I get it… It’s how all the other guys talk on other teams, and the disgusting shit they say in locker rooms. Doesn’t mean it’s true or you should be repeating it. At least not with Pope. Not with us…” Tom shifted uncomfortably, suddenly seeming to refuse to look at his friend. He’d touched a nerve. He gave another little hum and grunt of acknowledgment. Will took a few steps closer, until he was at a comfortable distance. “Look, I’m not gonna presume I know exactly whats going on. But– we won’t judge, and you don’t have to keep pushing all the macho bullshit.” Tom frowned hard, and his gaze went to Will’s face with a glare. Which he immediately felt guilty for leveling at the man. His face was half in shadow from the street lamp, soft but concerned. Concerned for him, apparently. But Will didn’t– They didn’t have to be worried about him. He was fine, and yeah okay maybe sometimes pushed too far but he didn’t know what Will was going on about. Tom didn’t even remember now, exactly what was said between them. He just remembered being irritated and defensive. Will never said anything directly, just stayed right at the cusp of that uncomfortable spot in Tom alongside him; and let the silent implications fall where they may. But whatever was said, had been enough, apparently. He’d ended up shoving Will against the side of the brick building they were passing; and air left his lungs as he made impact. Tom’s forearm was at his throat, free hand pinning Will’s dominant arm to the same wall. “FUCKING SHUT UP!” Tom had never yelled at anyone on his team like that, especially not Will. He rarely even raised his voice at him in anger, that was legitimately directed at him. Will blinked, clearly not expecting that reaction but he rolled with it. “Redfly,” he breathed, the forearm on his throat giving just enough pressure to strain his speaking slightly. “Fuck, man… I’m just tryina look out for you… We all are.” Tom recoiled, and backed away, releasing Will as he did.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself for doing that to you… You didn’t deserve that,” he mumbled, fiddling with the hem of his now untucked and unbuttoned blouse of his peanut butters uniform, exposing the now-wrinkled white t-shirt under it. “I know how bad it was for you and Benny, growing up and even after… But I think, I’m sometimes still jealous of the freedom you two had.”

Redfly knew it’d been bad, even back then. No one in a good situation joined the military– let alone as an officer after speed running college– and looked at all the chaos the lifestyle brought and thought yeah, this is nice and stable.

“I know I shouldn’t have married her so fast… But she was pregnant and I didn’t want to be like my folks. I just wanted to do the right thing… And fuck, I loved her– do love her! I was gonna ask anyways, I know that much. Just sorta… speed up the timeline.” Redfly had been scheduled for shore duty starting around the time she was due, but between weather holding any in or outgoing transport from the ship and due dates not being fixed; he’d missed Tessa’s birth and didn’t get back and to his new command until Molly had gotten home with the baby. Molly understood, but it didn’t make it hurt any less…

“I think its a curse, for military folks. We all think ‘well I wont end up another military failed marriage statistic’… Then realize shit’s bad and a lot of us just refuse to let go even though we should…” Redfly sighed, and looked back to Will.

“I love Molly, and she’s a great mother… I just don’t think I’m meant to be her husband. Even without... all that.” His words fell flat, dulled even further by the eerie silence of the room. All noises from outside the room were muffled, though there still wasn’t much besides some talking between nurses. It was the night shift and everyone was asleep or working quietly.

Even in the privacy of the room, with only an unconscious man to hear it (and maybe God, but Redfly had never really been any sort of believer); Redfly couldn’t bring himself to speak certain truths out loud.

He let out a long sigh, shaking his head. “Maybe one day you’re fuckin' mountain wisdom will finally fucking rub off on me.” Will Miller had his own problems, Redfly knew, but he knew who he was and could walk with confidence in that. Redflly had always thought he had, but now—? He wasn’t so sure.

Redfly: The lead nurse on his team popped in a bit ago, said he seems to be responding to treatments well. He's stable, and is doing fine.

Pope: Good to hear.

Catfish: Hell yeah he is

Benny: thanks red

Redfly: Of course.

Redfly: I'm gonna take a nap for a bit, so call don't text if you need me.

He slept for about two hours, setting an alarm on his phone and having placed it on his chest so he’d be sure to hear it. The speaker was going out, and he needed a new one badly.

Awake, he dared venture out of the private room and to the vending machines. It was only two in the morning so the cafeteria wasn’t open yet; so he settled for a small meal that he ended up thinking reminded him of something Ben would prefer over him. A bag of snack mix, a honey bun, and an orange soda to wash it all down. Midnight snack of champions.

He ate quietly by the window, focusing as best he could on just eating.

The rest of the night when on in relative silence, Redfly had run out of things to say. Or rather, ran out of things he was willing to say out loud.

The night shift nurse did his final rounds before the day shift came in, before leaving the two alone once more. Will was still silent and still, save for his breathing.

Redfly mumbled an “excuse me” out of habit, before he ducked into the provided bathroom to re-dress into his uniform and freshen up. Pope would be there in about an hour to take over. None of them were willing to leave it up to chance that something would happen while one of them wasn’t there.

Redfly stood next to the bed, a hand resting on Will’s arm mindful of any tubes and wires for his machines. He was warm under Redfly’s touch, which did provide a sense of relief.

He glanced back to the doorway where the curtain was once more blocking the view of the room and even the window blinds were closed again. Yet Redfly never felt more exposed than he did now; every piece of his highly-tuned sense of self-preservation was telling him to be alert and cautious.

Redfly looked back down to Will. He sighed, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to Will’s forehead; not unlike how he’d kiss the foreheads of his sleeping kids when he got home in the middle of the night, or how Will did to Ben occasionally.

“I don’t know if you’re going to wake up or not,” Redfly said quietly, forehead to Will’s. “But I want you to know that no matter what happens: we’re taking care of Benny for you, and we always will.”

The captain stood up straight, grabbed the coat of his uniform and straightened the rank pin on one of the shoulders, before slipping it on. Ducking into the bathroom to make sure he was squared away, and he came back out as he heard the glass door then curtain slide open.

“Morning, Pope,” He said calmly, captain mode back on and steady as ever for his team.

also ty @thecarrott for this beautiful moment lmao

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