Begging for a quick death AU
Taglist: @annablogsposts @dont-touch-my-soup @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @thaliaisalesbian
From this. Featuring Phoenix, Kai and Aaron from Immortal Cannon Fodder, and Isabel from Out of the Frying Pan.
Phoenix in this AU only heals fast when they're dead. They don't have the living healing factor.
Taglist peeps, lmk if you don't want to be tagged in new aus. Especially for Immortal Cannon Fodder bc I have like three (at least) in the works for that.
1.4k
CWs: immortal whumpee, begging for death, conditioned whumpee, broken neck (both the act of and the immediate aftermath), possibility of stabbing (doesn't happen), mentioned stabbing, whumpee thinks caretaker is going to hurt them, implied terrible (nearly non-existent) medical care, broken wrist, sprained ankle, sadistic whumper, implied/mentioned resurrection, temporary character death, fear of punishment
Phoenix is following Isabel in a fast-paced jog around the compound grounds when their vision blurs and they waver from exhaustion, stumbling off the path. Their foot slips, ankle turning, and they slam hard into the concrete floor, reactions too sluggish to even catch themself. Their brain seems to reverberate around their skull for a minute, vision white, and when they're able to tell which way is up they try to push themself to their feet, ignoring the screaming pain. They only make it to their knees, ankle collapsing when they try to put their weight on it.
That's okay. Isabel wouldn't like it if they were still on their feet after failing so badly anyway.
The weight is agony on their skinned knees but they hold the position, hold their expression, just as they've been taught, as Isabel marches over, face tight.
"What the hell have you you done to yourself now?" she asks, anger and scorn dripping from every word.
"I have a badly sprained ankle and skinned knees, ma'am, and, um, my face–"
"I can see your face. You're pathetic. You can't stand, can you?"
"No, ma'am." They know what's going to happen now. It'll be over a month until they can run and fight again properly, and the leaders can't afford to wait that long. "Please will you kill me quickly, ma'am?"
Isabel pulls out her dagger and examines it, stroking the blade. Phoenix feels a split-second of hope before she shakes her head, stowing the weapon back under her clothes.
"No. No, you don't deserve that, and I have my own training to do. If this doesn't work on a weak, unresisting weapon like you it won't work on proper opponents." She strides behind Phoenix, placing her hands on their shoulders. "Arch your back a little. You'll be unconscious before too long, but I hope you suffer first, as your punishment."
Phoenix obeys, trembling, and Isabel hooks a warm, bare arm tightly around their neck. Isabel's too close, her warm breath on the back of their neck, they can't see what she's doing, they can't move, her arm is too tight and it feels like they can't breathe.
She yanks their head round, pulls it up, drops them. Two heartbeats and it's done.
Somewhere in that, something snapped. Now they really can't breathe.
They gasp for air, still, air they can't take in, their breathing gets faster, they're desperate for air but they can't get any, oh, god, they can't breathe, their vision greys around the edges and everything fades.
They pass out, panicking and defenseless, still unable to breathe.
_
"Pass me that book, will you, Phoenix?"
Phoenix is helping Kai clean up the front room, while Aaron works on the infirmary. They've got visitors coming tomorrow, friends of Kai and Aaron's, and Phoenix is just on the edge of panicking about it, but now they have more immediate problems.
Their wrist is broken. It's still throbbing when they move it, it looks a bit off, just enough to only be noticeable to them, but they can't tell anyone or they'll be killed. They've been doing a pretty good job of hiding it, too.
They swallow hard and hold their expression still as they pick up the book with their injured hand. They keep their face still, completely still, still as they were taught, as they pass Kai the book.
Maybe it's a little too still, maybe they're a little too stiff, but whatever it is, Kai catches it and frowns, setting down the book.
"Are you okay?"
Phoenix nods, heart just about ready to explode out of their chest. "I'm fine, sir. I just, um, I was thinking of something." An offence, surely, but less of one than breaking their wrist out of their own stupidity.
"Sit down for a minute." Kai sits down himself and pats the sofa, and Phoenix joins him apprehensively, perching tentatively on the edge. "You're not in trouble. I just don't believe that excuse. Does anything hurt? Physically, emotionally, anything else?"
Phoenix looks away. It always hurts emotionally, Kai's going to kill them. They don't want to tell him the truth, but they know he won't accept nothing for an answer.
"My, um, my wrist is broken."
Kai nods. "Aaron! We need you! And bring the first aid kit!" Phoenix flinches. "Sorry. Will you show me your wrist?"
Phoenix stretches out their arm, biting their lip when he takes it carefully in his hand, examining their slightly swollen wrist.
"Please will you kill me quickly, sir?"
Kai looks up, horror plainly visible. "No. Phoenix, god no, I'm not killing you."
Phoenix frowns. What's he going to do then?
Kai sighs, rubbing their shoulder in a manner they think is meant to be comforting (because, well, it kind of is). "You can drop the sir, too. When did you do this?"
"Two days ago." Kai nods, and they hesitate before saying, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go ahead."
"Why, um, why didn't you believe me? How do you always know?"
Kai strokes Phoenix's hair back gently. "Your face was too still. Too stiff. It's the expression you make when you're desperately trying to hide what you think or feel."
"Oh." They wish they could be more articulate, but they don't know what else to say. No-one's ever cared enough to notice that before – so long as they weren't crying, it was fine.
And it is care, not looking for reasons to punish them, they know that now. It took them a while but they're getting there.
"Yeah."
Aaron enters the room and strides across to Phoenix, kneeling down in front of them. They shift uncomfortably. Nobody should be kneeling to them.
"What's wrong, Phoenix?"
"I've broken my wrist," murmurs Phoenix. "Um, two days ago."
"Right. The swelling should have mostly gone down by now, but I'm going to splint it anyway for a few days before we put a cast on. Does it hurt?"
Phoenix nods, unsure what most of those terms mean but knowing it does hurt, and Aaron rummages in the first aid kit, pulling out a packet of pills and popping a couple out. He hands them to Phoenix along with the glass of squash on the side table.
"Here, take these. They should help."
"Thank you."
Phoenix swallows them gratefully, watching as Aaron rummages in their bag again. They're looking for something else. A splint, maybe? They don't know.
Kai clears his throat, and they snap their gaze to him.
"You were begging for a quick death. Have I done something to make you think I'd kill you?"
Phoenix shrugs. "That's just how it works. If the injury's, um, going to affect my performance for more than, um, a few hours, then I'm killed, and I heal quicker. It's just, um, not always quick unless I deserve it. So I thought you'd kill me."
There's a beat of silence.
"So when I found you bleeding out... that was normal? That's why you were so surprised?"
Phoenix nods. The months since Kai found them bleeding out after being injured in a training mission and helped them, brought them to his and Aaron's base instead of handing them in or ignoring them, have been one surprise after another.
Kai grips their shoulder tightly. Comforting-tight, not painful-tight.
"Never. I'd never, we'd never kill you, Phoenix. That's not how things work around here."
"What happens, then?" asks Phoenix, confused. Why would they not be killed?
"I patch you up," says Aaron, wrapping the split too carefully around their outstretched wrist, "and then we let it heal. Normally. With painkillers. No death involved."
"With painkillers?"
"Yeah. With painkillers. Like the ones I just gave you. We won't leave you in unnecessary pain."
"But–"
"No," says Kai firmly. "You won't learn from it, or whatever the reason you want to stay in pain is. Any pain is unnecessary, and I won't stand for it. Neither will Aaron."
"Oh."
Phoenix frowns. They don't understand why Kai's so insistent on giving them painkillers. But they're not complaining.
For the first time ever, they actually feel safe. The threat of being disposed of when they're no longer useful isn't as ever-present, they're not in pain for the first time they can remember.
And they haven't died once since Kai and Aaron brought them home.
