#isanglibongalaala

[teysuico]

Just finished watching a series. Huhu. Grabe yung atake. Sapul na sapul ako. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Bakit naman ganon.

[teysuico]

So bored today. I don’t know what’s with me. Maybe because I’ve locked myself up for three days already that my lakwatsera self is trying to rebel 😂 And now, instead of watching, I browsed through the folders in my laptop. I landed on a folder I should not have opened again. HAHAHA. I heard something. What is that? Why did I open it? Huhu. It’s making me crazy again, well, I’m already crazy as it is.

Anywayyyyy, I’ve been wanting to go out tomorrow because I cannot take not going out anymore. The problem is, I don’t know where to go. The only place in my mind is Shibuya area - Harajuku, Shinjuku, yes. But I knowwww, if I go there, there’ll be pretty much damage on my wallet because that area is my weakness.😂

Thinking of going to Ueno for my Pokemon prize but my booklet is not with me and I cannot get it back until Sunday which btw is the last day of claiming.

And today, I learned something, do not be too kind, dear self. I got irritated about something for a bit because of someone’s selfish act. That jerk. Kidding.

All is well. All is well. All is well.

[teysuico]

Ito yung mga panahong iniisip ko pa rin kung bakit tayo laging bumabalik sa buhay ng isa't isa - para ba maalala nating andito pa rin tayo para sa isa't isa? Para magparamdam na hindi nakalimot? O sadyang wala lang, naisipan lang? Sa ganitong pagkakataon, sinasabi ko sa sarili kong panandalian lang ang lahat at hindi ko dapat bigyan ng kahit anong halaga yung mga kamustahan at pag-uusap natin. At lagi kong kinekwestyon ang sarili ko kung bakit ba hindi pa rin ako sanay na ganito nalang tayo - nagsisimula ulit sa kamustahan at natatapos lang din bigla. Hihinto at mawawala ng matagal na panahon at babalik sa isang kamustahang nauuwi rin lang sa katahimikan. Dapat na akong masanay na may mga pagkakataon talagang di natin maiiwasang bumalik at buksan ang naisaradong pintuan. Kailan pa ba ako masasanay? Hanggang kailan ko pa ba iisipin ang pakay sa bawat kamustang tinatanong?

[teysuico]

Today, I tried to study to seek for answers to questions regarding work. But... I failed. I was not able to comprehend any idea from my brain. Instead, I was distracted by all other things, I was distracted once again with thoughts of you.

Today, I tried to not think of you again. But... I failed. For some random reason, I tried visiting some of my long forgotten social media accounts which happen to still exist. And guess what, with their existence came your existence in my life too. I’ve read once again some of your hello’s and good bye’s too. Part of my brain that shouts your name was triggered with all our conversations. And with this crazy girl inside me, I decided to send you a hello message and I am still planning to send you some more until this media application shuts down for good - some time around this year :) I got courage to send you one since I realized that you will never be able to read them anymore. That along with the application’s permanent shutdown, is my heart’s acceptance that we may never even recover the friendship we built between us.

But just for today, let me unleash this crazy girl and let her do whatever she decides to do with all that’s supposed to be buried. I’ll let her remember everything all at once and let her forget about them the moment she wakes up later.

[teysuico]

Six years ago...

[teysuico]

Time heals all wounds, they say, and I should know 'Cause it seems like forever, but I'm letting you go Now I'm almost over you I've almost shook these blues So when you come back around After painting the town You'll see I'm almost over you

[teysuico]

I would have talked to you by now but I did not and I cannot. I have to constantly remind myself to take control of these lingering feelings. I force myself to just stop - stop everything from thinking about how you have been to thinking about how to talk to you again. Maybe I've been looking for a proper closure, but now I know that I will be okay without it, I am okay without you. I am teaching myself to be free from thoughts of you. And this time, I am learning to free the memories slowly, one by one. I am properly letting myself free the past, live in the moment, and look forward to the future without you. Before, I still keep telling myself to hang on a bit more. That maybe, one day, we'll get better and stronger to face all the obstacles that will come our way. That maybe, one day, we'll meet again and fix everything. That maybe, having a conversation with you again will lead us to something better and brighter. But I think I was wrong. I think that our latest conversations just lead us to the end of everything I wish I could still save. I will be okay. I am okay. I should let you and our memories go now. Thank you for everything, love.

[teysuico]

Feelings. All. Over. Again. ... Or not.