For five years, you’ve poured and sacrificed everything you had—money, time, life even—just to show how much you adore this woman, and she certainly appreciates it. With so many memories being shared, from sneaking out late at night for a date to avoid any media to a fancy dinner out in the open, you know that she was gonna be the one that you want to lay your head upon, the one that you wanna come back home to every day, and the one that will bring you comfort just by looking at their beauty.
All in all, you loved Hwang Yeji.
Unfortunately, it has come to an end.
In such a cruel, tragic, and pure disgusting way, your whole life has turned itself upside down. All gone, in just one minute.
Five years. It took you five years to realize that everything was fake, from the very beginning. That smile when you bought her that vanilla ice cream? The teardrops she shed when you gave her that necklace? The happiness she felt when you finally came over to her new apartment?
All of the times that you have shared with Hwang Yeji were never real.
The black box in your hand feels heavy. Though it doesn’t beat the weight inside of your heart. You truly don’t know how to feel at all—it’s like everything has left your body, and all it retains are your empty regrets. Regrets on how you haven’t done everything to make her stay. Regrets that you weren’t a good partner to her. Regrets on the lack of love that you expressed towards her.
The ego comes back into the soulless body however, telling you that it was her fault all this time. You want to believe it. You really do. The hints were clear as day. You were just too caught up with your own point of view. The view of you both being madly in love with one another while in reality, it was only on your side.
You didn't even know what exactly went wrong. The other day, you were in an hour-long call with her, listening intently about all her stress at work, calming her down with words of encouragement and ended the night by tucking her into bed, like you always do. It's crucial for you to never miss wishing her days in the morning and at night, even with how busy your life can get.
If only you knew how useless they were to her.
The further you walk on these sidewalks, the deeper the pain feels. Suddenly, your hands sense an urge to open the box, letting you see the content inside—a ring. Engraved on it is the date of when you two first intertwined with one another, and it twists your stomach the more you look upon it.
25.5.20 HYJ
You laugh.
Bullshit. It's all bullshit.
No one's around to give a damn about you. Not like you need anyone anyways. You’ve accepted the fact that you're always gonna be alone. She didn't even try to find you, even after you’ve seen the truth. Maybe there's still a shed of light behind the things she had done. But with the way things are, you despise believing it.
“Sorry, but I don't think I’m ready yet.”
Yeah, of course she's not.
She wouldn't be fucking with another man if she was.
The air was cold. Colder than it usually is. It doesn't phase you. You're used to this—the freezing atmosphere is your favorite scene to have a walk with her back then, in the midst of dawn, hand in hand while she’s covered with your coat and holding you ever so tightly, not wanting to let go because you're her only source of warmth, as she claims.
Now, the flame has lost its spark, and the warmth has diminished, nowhere to be felt by anyone again.
She doesn’t love you.
Your eyes twitched, remembering the scene that unfolded hours before—the exact reason that you fell into despair. The street lamps blurred, but your memory was not at all, and you just wished for it to disappear off of your mind. But it couldn’t. The cut was too deep. Deep as she’s sinking down on another man’s dick, riding away enthusiastically, not realizing that you’re watching them in shock and horror.
Your body trembles in both fear and rage. You wanted to do something—confront them, punch this bastard directly in their face, end their life even—but you can’t move. Not because you’re tied up. Not because you’re threatened. It’s because of her. Her expressions. That darned smile, begging for more. Her eyes rolling back in pleasure, holding him so tightly while her hips move expertly onto him. She’s enjoying the moment. More than any of your moments together.
“Why…” was the only thing you could utter, before leaving the scene.
The grip on the box tightens so much that you could almost break it. It’s a useless piece of garbage at this point. Your head turns, looking at the water below—an endless void. The wind whistled through, ripples emerging to sign that it’s really there, quietly. Waiting. Inviting.
The railing disappears from your view.
There was no rush.
You simply fall.
The cold hits you like a wall, shocking the air from your lungs. Water rushed into your mouth, the taste bitter and thick. You begin to sink, and for a second, panic shoots through your brain. Your hands flapped around desperately, reaching out for the light.
Though, the words echoed in your ear, “Sorry, but I don't think I’m ready yet.” Your hands get weaker. What are you reaching out for anyway? Towards more pain and emptiness? Suffering in silence, as you watch the love of your life being taken away? Why do you need to care anymore? What was the point? To live?
She’s gone.
You stopped struggling.
The water pressed you in further from all sides. The tingling cold now turns into a heavy numbness all over your body. Your vision starts getting murky, and the light above fades as you sink deeper. Pressure builds inside of your head and lungs.
Suddenly, the box has left your hands and floats away. The little bits of hope inside of you tried to retrieve it, but it wasn’t enough. And instead, it perfectly moves right in front of your view. It’s like fate wants to give you a proper send off.
In an instant, all of your life flashes in your eyes. It has finally settled in. You reached out to the box before it sank and took the ring out. A tiny spark in the middle of this void. You held onto it tightly,
Why?
Your instincts drove you to do so.
And as fate wills it, it was the start of the next day.
You opened your mouth. Not to breathe. You’re letting go.
The water does what it does—filling itself into your chest, putting out the small flame and replacing it with emptiness. You didn’t wanna struggle anymore. You’ve accepted your fate.
The light finally vanished.
Your world darkens.
Happy birthday, Hwang Yeji. I wish you nothing but happiness.
Maybe, it was all an illusion.
And if it was, you’ll never come back to it.
The vessel died a long time ago.
But the dream still lives.
The dawn is imminent.
You're halfway there.
===========================================
a/n; from a tavern prompt to a reasonable short continuation. gets a little fucked up soooo be warned? i swear it's important to the story-
anyways, this was a part of a challenge i hosted on fanprose for beloved yejer's birthday! so if you see a sudden resurgence of yeji fics as of late, it was all me. :D
and don't worry, i'm still working on that series and a bunch of other stuff, it's just that i've been unexpectedly busy as of late, so production will be halted at some point in times 💀
all in all, thanks for reading and have a good one! <3
genre — slight angst, fluff, friends to lovers, ryujin is protective over reader.
wc — ≈2.1K
warnings — mentions of blood, fighting, there are two (2) arguments, shouldn’t be anything else?? lmk tho!
a/n — (repost) its 🍄 back again being an angsty teen! if you saw the first post of this, shhh… i had to redo. anyway, enjoy reading!!
shin ryujin had been attached to your hip ever since freshman year of highschool, partners for a chemistry project you both aced with ease. unknown to you, ryujin felt a bit more chemistry than you thought between you two. since then, all the way to senior year she had always been very clingy and protective of you, something her other friends noticed since she had never acted that way with them.
unfortunately, someone chose the wrong day to test that theory…
you had run up to ryujin, meeting her at her locker with a beaming smile on your face. “ryu! ryu! guess what!!” you almost squealed as ryujin closed her locker, gazing at you with a smile.
“hm, let me think. did you get the role you wanted in the school’s play?” ryujin asked, her signature smug looking smile painting her face as she watched you nod so fast, your head might fall off.
“i did i did! i worked so hard, i’m so glad it paid off, ugh i could die happy!!” you hop around ryujin as she laughs, placing a hand on your shoulder. you were too cute, what was she going to do with you? well, nothing! obviously…
did she hate the idea of you never liking her back? absolutely, the thought gnawed at her all night, every night. but would she do anything to keep you by her side for the rest of forever? absolutely! there wasnt just another you wandering around somewhere.
“i think we should celebrate. arcade? on me?” ryujin offers, her whisker dimples showing the moment she watches your face light up with excitement. “oh my gosh yes! ugh youre the best, after school today?” you ask and she nods. “i’ll pick you up.” she confirms. you hugged her without thinking, well you didnt have to, this was your bestfriend, what was so wrong with a hug? ryujin’s arms slowly envelop you back before you tug away, the bell bringing ryujin back to reality. “see you later!” you exclaim as she waves, watching you jog off to your next class.
at exactly 4:45 you spot ryujin leaning against her car as she mindlessly scrolls on her phone. she looked up as she felt a pair of eyes on her, her expression softening just at the mere sight of you. “sorry, hope you weren’t waiting too long.” you said as she waved her hand, dismissing the statement. “nah, barely got out here. let’s go!” she says as she unlocked her car, you taking your rightful spot as her passenger.
after about a 20 minute drive, your face lit up as you see her pull into the parking lot of the arcade you both love to go to (more like she loves taking you here to see you happy).
when you both enter, you glance around like this is your first time here ever, as ryujin goes over to pay for a game card, putting $50 worth of credits onto it, giving you both 300 to work with. ryujin liked to stand back and watch admire you as you play the claw games.
there you stood, attempting to get every plush inside the ‘Mario Bros.’ claw machine, only having 2 out of the 6 options. ryujin watched with her arms crossed, a smile plastered on her face, before something catches her eye. she glanced to the side to spot a group, 4 or 5 people standing in a circle and talking behind their hands, but staring dead set on you and ryujin.
ryujin’s eyes narrowed down on them before she turns back to you, drawn in by your happy exclamation of winning a new plush. “hey y/n, i want to go play that game, can we?” she asks, pointing at a guitar hero game. you look at sad game and nodded, laughing at the fact she even asked. “you can just take the card and go you kno-“ you were cut off as she did just that, but also took your wrist and dragged you both out of the group’s eyesight.
you tilted your head, following without question as ryujin sits at a stool and swipes the card. “do you know how to play?” she asked as she turned to you, as you shake your head. “no.. i tried once but i suck so bad.” you said as ryujin smiled. “sit.” she gestured to the stool next to her and swiped the card for you, as you reluctantly grabbed the guitar and put the strap around you. she slowly taught you her technique, watching as you copied her every move. then ryujin took control and chose a song, ‘Creep’ by Radiohead.
“is this still your favorite song?” you asked her out of the blue, causing her gaze to shift from the guitar to you, almost questioningly. “you remember my favorite song?” she asked, you responding with a nod immediately. “well duh! i remember a lot about people i love.” you stated as if this was a known fact to people around you two. “plus, youre my bestfriend!” you continued as the song started on the game, breaking eye contact. “right, duh. bestfriend.” ryujin repeated, almost dryly as she shifted gaze as well, you two playing the game in silence, beside ryujin’s low humming which you noticed the whole time.
after the game finished and ryujin beat you (as if nobody saw this coming) you both hung up the guitars in giggles. “yeah, maybe guitar hero isnt your cup of tea!” she joked as you roll your eyes. “ha ha ryu.” you say as you nudge her shoulder with your hand, her gaze on you something as if she was trying to telepathically confess her feelings to you but you just didnt notice. you never noticed. ryujin looked over your shoulder and spotted the same group of people, except they were closer and now talking loudly about you two as if they werent 3 feet ahead of you.
“they have been following her around like a dog since they walked in.” one of them said as ryujin finally raised an eyebrow, stepping past you and up to them. “ryujin what are you-“ you turned and saw ryujin clear her throat, grabbing the attention of the group. they all turned to her with confused and dirty looking expressions. “repeat what you just said?” ryujin said through clenched teeth.
“huh? oh, how your little partner is a lap dog? i think you heard me loud and clear.” the so proclaimed ‘leader’ of this group stepped up to ryujin, though being a few inches shorter than her. “and how you,” they continued, pushing ryujin back with their hand, the rest of the sentence going unheard by ryujin as her blood began to boil. you softly gasped as you tried to grab ryujin’s wrist, but missed as she acted quicker than you.
it happened so fast, ryujin had fell into auto pilot, and next time she blinked she had punched the person straight in the nose, knocking them backwards, blood gushing from their (basically broken) nose. “what the fuck?!” they cried. ryujin’s eyes widened a bit, and before she knew it you dragged her away and out the exit to escape the scene.
“ryu! what the hell were you thinking? oh my god we could get in so much trouble-“ you started before ryujin shushed you, quickly guiding you both back to her car. “just, shh. get in the car.” she said as she unlocked the car. when getting in, you noticed ryujin had a cut on one of her knuckles from a face piercing neither of you acknowledged when the fight happened. “ryu, you’re bleeding!” you say as she dismisses it for time being. “it’s fine y/n.” she said, almost like she was just trying to shut you up, which you did.
at your house, you ushered ryujin inside and sat her down at the kitchen table, grabbing the first aid kit from the top of the refrigerator. you sit in front of her, “give me your hand.” you say gently. “y/n it’s not that seri-“ ryujin starts before you cut her off. “i said give me your goddamn hand ryujin!” you said, your voice raised a bit which startled both you and ryujin, who reluctantly placed her hand into your outstretched ones. you turn it over, the cut had got a bit worse over the drive, making you sigh.
“i cant believe you.” you muttered as you shake your head and focused on caring for the cut. “what do you mean? i was protecting you.” ryujin started with a small scoff. “you werent gonna do anything, were you? you can never stand up for yourself anyway, y/n.” ryujin kept going, her eyes looking to her side. she felt a sting she probably shouldnt have from the alcohol wipe you were using, hissing as she turns back to see you with a face of disbelief. “excuse you?”
your eyebrows furrowed in anger, removing the wipe as it falls onto the table. “wait, that wasnt what i meant y/n-“ she tried to save herself but you held up her hand to stop her. “what, so you think i’m weak? you think i cant do things for myself ryujin? is that how small you think of your bestfriend? if you can even call me that anymore?” you stood up, your voice only raising, and earning a groan from ryujin, who copies and stood up.
“do you not get it? bestfriend this, bestfriend that, i’m tired y/n! i like you! you could even say i love you! no i dont think youre weak or small, i just wasnt going to let some bitch shit talk the only person i hold so close to my heart it fucking scares me! every night i lay in bed regretting why i dont just tell you my feelings, but then i remember if i did it would ruin everything i have worked so hard to gain with you!” she shouts back into your face, her cheeks red and her eyes slightly watery. through sniffles, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve and looked down at her knuckles again. “when i’m around, nobody will talk to you in such a way. ever.” she states quietly, looking back at you to find a dumbfounded expression on your face. “y/n say something, anything..?” she ushered, taking a step closer.
it was as if ryujin was magnetic, because you stepped towards her and engulfed her in your arms wordlessly, causing her to freeze in shock before she looked at you, her eyes searching yours as your head turned to face hers as well. you noticed the flush on her cheeks as you gazed at her features.
it wasnt until now you finally came to terms with yourself, winning the ‘she likes me, she likes me not’ battle you had been in with your own subconscious. ryujin’s eyes just keep staring at yours, her mind on shutdown at how close she was holding you. “i like you too, ryu. more than i want to admit, a pathetic amount.” you whisper as your eyes dropped to her lips for a split second, and ryujin swears she could pass out then and there.
your sweet, fruity perfume fills her nose as she slowly breaks out into a smile. her confidence spiked, her hands resting at the small of your back as she leaned in and pecked your lips, catching you off guard with a gasp. she immediately pulled back, looking worried. “sorry, too soon??” she questioned as you looked at her with wide eyes, before giggling uncontrollably.
“no, just warn me next time!” you said before you also leaned in and gave her more than a peck, finally kissing her. it was as if fireworks started going off in ryujin’s head. she melted into you, into your kiss that she had been dreaming of since she first met you. when you pulled away, both you and ryujin were breathless, just smiling at each other.
“how long have you liked me?” you suddenly ask, causing ryujin to clear her throat nervously as she pulled back from you. “um.. since we first met? freshman year..?” she said as she scratches the back of her neck, smiling shyly. “wah, really? you really waited huh.. you’re better than me. i would’ve lost my patience.” you say as ryujin laughs.
Synopsis: Love is imperfect, love is beautiful, love is crazy, love is nothing you think it would be.
Yeji entered the apartment quietly, peeking in at the entrance first to see if you were there or not before making her way inside looking for you. It was unusually quiet and Yeji looked around and then found you in the bedroom….sitting down against floor and was about to greet you when she noticed the pool of blood around you and she froze, staring in shock for a couple seconds before she rushed to you, grabbing your and looking at them in horror as blood endlessly seemed to spill from your wrists.
“I am sorry….”, you say weakly, feeling guilty, feeling scared.
“Where-”, she said getting up quickly and searching through your drawers to find Band-Aids, gauze, anything to slow down the bleeding but her search was futile and she couldn’t find anything of the sort so she just slammed open your wardrobe, grabbing a couple shirts and wiping your hands clean and tying them tightly on your arms, trying to think of other ways to help.
“I don’t think this is going to do anything”, you say unhelpfully, feeling very weak from losing so much blood.
“Shut up!”, she yells, tears welling up in her eyes as she begins to panic, frantically takes out her phone and calls for an ambulance.
You look up to her, tears falls from your eyes too as you realize for this is not what you wanted, and you felt so scared. You didn’t want to hurt her, you wanted to- your thoughts interrupted as a wave of dizziness hits you and you take deep breaths, tilting over a little suddenly feeling extremely lightheaded.
Yeji rushes over to you, shaking in fear, “No, don’t, stay awake, they are coming. Please just a little more time. Stay awake.”, she pleaded urgently, patting your cheek, and shaking your shoulders. She takes a look at your arms again, the shirts are already soaked in blood.
“Why did you do it”, Yeji asks, the pain in her voice so obvious and you hate yourself for making her feel that way.
You look away from her in shame, “It just felt too like it was too much, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m sorry, I-”, you stop when she turns your head gently, so you face her again.
“You are stupid, so stupid. Why didn’t you ever say anything. Every time I asked you lied”, she said sadly, her lips trembling. “I am not going to leave your side ever again. I am going to be with you forever. I love you. You know that right. I love you”, she manages to confess, you can see just how scared she is but she is still being so brave.
This was such a huge mistake you admit to yourself, you should have just told her how you felt. You had so many chances. You think about all the times you spent with her, how she first met you as a customer of the café you worked at. Then she became a regular and eventually she revealed that she was actually an idol. You were so shocked at the time you could almost smile right now. The time you both ran into each other at a park, you were jogging while she just wanted to relax and that’s when your friendship really blossomed. That one time where she was so drunk she could barely make it back to her hotel room and then she begged you to not leave in her drunken state before passing out on your lap. You wish you could go back to those times. The last year and a half with Yeji kept you going for far longer than you thought you could. You would even settle going back a minutes just so you can spend a few moments more with Yeji. But even now as you feel yourself slipping away, you couldn’t muster your courage or confess your feelings to her. What a coward you are…
“Y/N…? What are you thinking about?”, Yeji asks, worried at your few moments of silence.
You heave a deep breath, it takes so much effort to breath now, so much effort to just stay awake, “I…think”, you say in a raspy voice, “my life’s flashing before my eyes”, you cough, and it hurts.
“Don’t say that…” Yeji says through tears, “You are just thinking about things, I’ll get you some water. It’ll clear your head for a bit”, She gets up trembling and hurries to the kitchen coming back with a glass of water. Her heart wrenches in pain when she sees your expression, “Y/N, here”, she says putting the glass near your mouth. You don’t respond, you continue staring straight ahead, expressionless.
“Y/n..y/n..no, y/n please, wake up wake up. Please, just a few seconds more PLEASE!”, Yeji desperately pleaded shaking you as she began to hear the siren of an ambulance in the distance.
There was no response except for your body slumping to the side a little from her pushing.
Yeji leaned against the wall, her wails of pain echoing in the room as she was having to face the fact that she lost you. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, her heart heavy with dread and guilt. She couldn’t let go of you, she held your body tightly, praying with all her heart that you would come back. The EMTs had to force her off you while she screamed and thrashed, crying uncontrollably the whole time. They confirmed her worst fears immediately, that you had just lost too much blood. They couldn’t even make her leave the room, Yeji just kept sobbing and muttering all her regrets, all the things she would have done to help you even a little more. It took over an hour for Yeji to stop crying, she had cried herself to sleep, she was too fatigued from all the stress, trauma and crying.
When she woke up in the hospital, she was confused and looked around for you immediately before the realization hit her and she began to weep again. She felt so much pain, why did you have to go, why did you not trust her enough, why did you not love her enough, her thoughts haunting her. Why is love so brutal, why is it so unforgiving, why is it so imperfect.
‘I am so sorry Y/N I couldn’t be there for you’, Yeji thought to herself, hoping somehow you can hear her as she made her way up, ‘I won’t make this mistake again. I won’t leave you alone anymore’, she told herself as she dragged herself onto the roof, climbing the parapet wall, she could hear people shouting in the back, climbing the stairs behind her, the shouts seemed to be directed at her, but she didn’t pay them attention, she instead focused on the horizon, the sun was rising, the city looked to come to life, it looked nice. Through a shaky breath, she smiled one last time, promising you that she’s wont leave you alone this time before leaning forward and letting herself go…
pairing: shin ryujin x fem!reader, hwang yeji x fem!reader
summary: alcohol helps you to relieve your break up with your ex. you were sitting in the bar when some mysterious woman approached you, grabbing your drink from your hands.
cw: angst, toxic relationship, mentioning of alcohol, open ending
a/n: giving a try to writing again…
it’s been 6 months since you broke up with shin ryujin but you never fully recovered from that. you could only wish it was only a nightmare, a nightmare where you chased the feeling of being loved for long 6 months.
“ryujin-ah! i’m home!” you say, taking off your jacket and going to your shared bedroom, but the smile on your face immediately drops. “y/n!” ryujin loudly gasps, as she quickly covers herself and the guy with blanket. you look at her, tears are about to burst out, as you were about to have a panic attack. “y/n, don’t cry, please… i can’t see you like this.” ryujin says, you barely remember how she and her lover swiftly put their clothes on, as the guy rushed to leave the apartment. ryujin placed her hands on your shoulder, tears cascading on your face, “i knew it. we could have never worked out. we were never meant to be.” you whisper, looking at ryujin with furious and broken expression.
“i thought you were the one.”
“well, i’m not.”
you fix your hair, shakily breathing out. turned out that she used you as a coverage, while she had dozens of affairs behind your back, telling her lovers that you two had open relationship.
you take a sip of scotch, trying to get away from your own thoughts, but it not going to last long until your brain going to start bringing up them again. “you should stop drinking so much, y/n.” you hear stern voice behind you, making you turn around to look at the person talking to you.
your eyes land on woman, maybe older than you, looking fiercely, as like she’s going to… “like you seem to care anyway.” you shrug, closing your eyes. you feel her taking away your glass, making you a bit irritated, “listen, lady, i’m sober enough to process surroundings and capable enough to take care of myself. what do you need from me and who are you?” you say, looking at her, she looks kind of lost? probably, your response was not something she expected from you.
“uhm… let’s just say i’m interested in you. and i don’t want to get you in trouble.” she replies, now making you interested. you squint your eyes, doubting herself, “you’re worried about some stranger in a bar, all of a sudden? stop fooling around.” you say, standing up.
“okay, maybe i’m not just suddenly interested in you,” you pay with your credit card, wanting to go away from stranger, but you feel your head spin. “but you’ve had enough of alcohol for today. let me at least take you home.” she says quickly catching you, preventing from falling.
you open your eyes, blinking a few times as the sun rays are bright enough to make you wake up. you groan, wondering if you still have pain killers in your medicines… but the mysterious woman from yesterday appeared right in front of you. “are you gonna tell me your name or at least why do you care about me so much?” you say, looking at her from up and down. with makeup or not, she looks drop dead gorgeous. her feline eyes, her nose and orange dyed hair that looked like they got kissed by the sun. she was about to say something, but familiar voice interrupted her. “yeji unnie! where did you put my phone?” you hear some woman yell, your eyes are wide open, as you take a few steps away from, as you know now, yeji.
the other woman enters the room, revealing that it was shin ryujin’s voice. “y/n…” she says, and you only shake your head. you want to escape this whole thing, be excluded from this narrative, anything to stay away from ryujin, while she continues to speak. “i’m sorry, i-“ she starts, but you cut her off, “isn’t it a little late for an apology?” you snap at her, surprised expression is on ryujin’s face.
yeji need to think quick. she places glass with water and pain killers on the table, quickly rushing to you, covering from ryujin, which makes you surprised. “ryujin, leave this room right now.” yeji spoke in stern voice, but ryujin was too stubborn to easily understand her. “y/n, can we.. be more than this? i’m so sorry for leaving you, but i want to make this… make us right. i tried to contact you after you left, i was too harsh with you.” she tries to make it up to you, but isn’t it too late? “it’s not fair, ryujin. you’re not fair. you can’t just come back to my life and expect me to get all lovey dovey with you after what you’ve done. that’s not how it works.” you say and you feel yeji’s hand on your face, removing single tear on your face.
“shin ryujin, how many times i told you to leave y/n alone? even if i’m your friend, it doesn’t mean i’m gonna help you get y/n back. so you know, you’re a shitty person who doesn’t know anything about love. now get out of my room and leave us alone!” yeji’s grab onto you tightens, as she was about to sacrifice her own life to protect you from your ex girlfriend. younger woman stood there, even after all she had heard from yeji, looking… heartbroken? “trynna steal my girl from me? you know-“
“you know what? you dare to say she’s ’your girl’ after all you’ve done to her? she was never meant to be with you. you’re a moron who can’t even care about others feelings. i still wonder why im friends with you, because you even fucked up in friendship! get out of my apartment and never come back.” yeji yells, as she feels how you hid your head in the crook of her neck, instinctively patting your head to call you down.
as ryujin left, you finally fully exhaled, “thanks, yeji… i’ve never thought that someone would defend me like that, thank you, really.” you almost whisper.
it’s been 1,5 years since you’ve met yeji. she’s the most precious and sweet person, gorgeous inside and out. her cute smile and how her eyes turn into crescent shape when she smiles always melts your heart, making it flutter. if you could, you’d just stare at her for hours and…
“y/n! hurry up or else!” chaeryeong yelled, taking you out from your thoughts. you quickly put on your clothes, and you gladly make it on time.
chaeryeong and you greeted yeji, when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. chaeryeong sighed, turning to you with tired look, “you have such heart eyes when you look at yeji, makes me sick.” you look at her, furrowing your brows. “no, i don’t.” you witness older girl roll her eyes, “really? and you don’t miss her when you don’t hang out with her? which is like once in a while.” are you really in love with yeji?
“well, i miss her so much when we don’t see each other, i don’t know why. but i did.”
“is that so, y/n?” you hear a voice behind you, as you turn to look back, you reveal smiling yeji.
also putting it out there that i don’t use y/n anymore or i try not to i just give the reader any name, i try to do unisex ones for my non binary/genderfluid folks :)
Choi Jisu x Reader with a little bit of Chwe Hansol x Reader
Word Count: 5,057
Genre: Fluff with a hint of angst
Rating: Some adult themes, MINORS DNI!
Summary: When you go home to your parents' house for Thanksgiving, your car breaks down. Who drives the tow truck, however? Vernon, your best friend Lia's older brother. He's hot, you would never deny that, but Lia is the one you really want. When a party doesn't go as well as expected, you and your best friend are forced to confront your feelings.
Warnings: Some suggestive dialogue, references to sex but no smut, Vernon is lowkey a condescending asshole, Reader uses Vernon to get over her crush on Lia and It Doesn’t Work, Reader is implied to struggle with comphet, Reader and Lia use unhealthy coping mechanisms to ignore their crushes on each other, some alcohol consumption, mentioned misogyny. Does awkwardness need a warning?
A/N: This is my entry for the K-Vanity "Fall for You" Event! Prompt list can be found here, and the event masterlist can be found here! These are the prompts I chose for this fic:
Main Dish: Root Vegetable Rice
- 'Thanksgiving is at your parent’s place every year and every year, you drive home to visit. What happens when your car breaks down and the mechanic who comes to save you is none other than your best friend’s smoking hot brother? You haven’t seen each other since you were in that awkward phase in high school'
Drinks: Masala Chai and London Fog
- “I vote we ditch the others and just do our own thing tonight.”
- “You said what to who now?! Why?!”
Side Dish: Kiss in the Rain
- Kissing as a distraction + Magic!AU + Best friends to lovers
Before I get to the story itself, however, I want to take a minute and thank the amazing @diamonddaze01 for beta reading and giving such helpful feedback! Tara, if you're reading this, I really appreciate you taking the time to beta read for me. I really think that your feedback helped me make this fic the best that it could be.
Fic is under the cut.
Every year that you and your family celebrated Thanksgiving, something went wrong. Whether it was major or minor, you could always count on a problem occurring. For example, during your second year of college, you got pulled over for speeding. Nothing got you out of the ticket, not even the simple seduction spell you’d tried to use on the cop that pulled you over. You’d spent months practicing it on various boys in your class, but the officer that issued your ticket was completely unaffected. You were late for dinner that year for the first time ever, and your mom never let you live it down.
Last year, your parents’ kitchen caught fire while they were in the middle of cooking. In the spirit of the holiday, you were thankful that no one got hurt. However, you still spent the day with your neighbors that you really didn’t like, because there just wasn’t time to cook something else and none of the restaurants in your hometown were open.
This year, your car broke down just outside of your hometown, because of course it did. You knew that your car needed to be fixed, but you were sure that it could wait until after the weekend. Apparently, your certainty was nothing but wishful thinking. You kicked yourself for not handling it sooner, but it didn’t change the fact that you still needed a way to get to your parents’ house. So, you called a local towing company. While you waited for the truck to arrive, you called your best friend Lia. You’d missed her dearly while you were away for school, and talking to her was the best way to pass the time that you could think of.
When she answered the phone, she said, “Hey! Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, everything is fine. My car broke down, and I’m bored waiting for the tow truck. So, I figured I’d call my best friend and see how she’s doing.”
“Well, she misses you and wants to know when the fuck you’re planning to come see her.”
“I’m planning to come see her as soon as the stupid tow truck gets here!”
“The stupid tow truck should hurry up, then,” she said with a laugh.
“I know,” you said, drawing out the last word just so you could hear her laugh again, “I want to see my best friend already.”
The two of you continued to joke around and catch up while you waited for the tow truck to arrive. You hated to admit it, but you were too focused on how beautiful her voice sounded to really care about her playful lecture about how long you’d been gone. In your defense, though, she had the kind of voice that was sweeter than your favorite song. It was one of the many things that you loved about her, just like her smile that was like a ray of sunshine and her confidence that always served to draw people to her, including you. In all honesty, it was a wonder that you didn’t fall for her sooner than you did. She didn’t know about your crush on her at all, of course, since you were terrified of driving her away if she didn’t feel the same. It only got harder to keep it that way, though, when she told you that she loved you. Your brain knew that she meant it platonically. However, your heart didn’t seem to get the memo, since it started to beat faster the moment the words hit your ears.
Your conversation with Lia was interrupted by the tow truck finally arriving. You quickly hung up, telling Lia that you would text her when you got to your parents’ house. Then, you greeted the driver of the tow truck. When he responded as he stepped out of his vehicle, you could hardly hide your surprise. The driver was Vernon, Lia’s older brother.
You had no idea when Vernon started driving a tow truck, or when he started to look that good, but here you were. He looked incredibly different from the last time you saw him in high school, to say the least. He had broader shoulders now, and he had a jawline that looked sharp enough to kill. He seemed much more confident, too, and it was the kind of confidence that you knew made him popular with the ladies in your hometown. Sure, he wasn’t the type of person you typically found yourself admiring, but you did have to admit that he looked good now that he wasn’t an awkward high school kid anymore.
Vernon’s voice asking, “(Y/N)? Is that you?” is what snapped you out of your admiration. Right, you still had to get to your parents’ house.
“Yeah, it’s me,” you said, embarrassment lacing your voice. “I was driving home for Thanksgiving, and my car broke down.”
“One of your little spells couldn’t fix it?” he asked, obviously trying not to laugh.
“It’s not that simple, Vernon. Stuff like fixing a car requires highly specialized magical skills that I just don’t have.”
“Well, I would say that you probably should start trying to practice the kinds of spells that can fix an engine instead of whatever you’re studying now-”
“I’m studying potions and their uses in medicine, for your information.”
“Well, excuse me,” he responded, fighting back another fit of laughter. “I guess your lack of knowledge about cars worked out, though. I got to help a pretty woman out of a jam,” he added with a wink.
You found yourself feeling giddy when you saw him wink, though you didn’t quite understand why. So, you brushed off the feeling, and the two of you talked while he hooked your car up to his truck. After that was done, he drove you to his dad’s garage so that you could get your car fixed. After you were done talking to the mechanic that was working that day, Vernon asked, “So, what are you gonna do now?”
“I’ll probably just call an Uber to get to my parents’ house.”
Vernon really didn’t like the idea of you riding with a stranger, especially when he was basically done for the day and could drive you himself. So, he said, “Look. I’m really not supposed to do this, company policy and all that, but I could drive you if you want.”
You softened at the sweet gesture, appreciative of not having to fight with Uber to get a ride somewhere that Vernon knew the route to by heart from years of driving Lia before she got her license. With a gentle smile, you said, “That would be great.”
You got back into Vernon’s truck, and he started to drive to your parents’ house. During the drive, you took the opportunity to catch up and find out what he’d been up to since the last time you saw him.
“So, you drive a tow truck?” you asked.
“Only when I need a little bit of extra money. Most of the time, I work in dad’s garage.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah, I do. There’s something about getting a gorgeous vehicle up and running again that just makes me happy. It’s satisfying, in a way, to know that something I did with my own two hands made someone’s life easier.”
You wanted to be surprised, but you really weren’t. He’d always had an interest in cars, something that he shared with his dad. You never really had an interest yourself, but the way he lit up as he talked about the cars he’d worked on recently made you want to hear more. It was strange, really. Growing up, the two of you were never really close. Now that you were both adults, though, you kind of wanted to be closer. You would have been lying to yourself, however, if you said that his appearance didn’t play a large part in that desire.
Before you knew it, you were at your parents’ house. When you knocked on the door, however, Lia answered. You were surprised to say the least, both by her presence in your childhood home and her drastic appearance change since the last time you saw her. She’d dyed her hair a completely different color, she was wearing a simple dress that was the same shade of orange as a pumpkin, and she looked taller than you remembered because she was wearing heels, something you’d never seen her do before. To say that you thought she looked beautiful would have been an understatement.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by a squeal of excitement and her arms wrapping around you. It’d been too long since you’d gotten to hug your best friend, and evidently, she felt the same way. When she finally let go, the first thing she asked was, “Where have you been?”
“I had to go back to school!”
“Oh, so you can’t visit on the weekend?”
“Not with the number of assignments that I have. Weekends are almost always too busy for me to go anywhere.”
“Then at least call more often!”
Your best friend’s playful scolding was interrupted by your mom yelling, “Lia! Let (Y/N) in please.”
“Sorry, Mrs. (L/N)!” Lia replied before she moved out of the doorway to let you in.
As you entered your childhood home for the first time since your last summer break, you noticed that you felt more at peace than you had for the entire school year up to that point. Something about being home and away from the hustle and bustle of college life really just made you feel so much better. Especially when you made your way to the kitchen and finally got to say hi to your parents.
Before you could finish your greetings, your mom started instructing you on how you could help prepare the meal. You happily agreed to help, and while you did, your dad explained why Lia, Vernon, and their parents were having dinner with your family this year. They’d planned to go to Lia and Vernon’s sister Tiffany’s house for Thanksgiving, but plans were canceled because both Tiffany and her husband had gotten sick and were unable to host. You felt bad that they were sick, but you also appreciated that you got to spend Thanksgiving with Lia. After all, who wouldn’t be excited about such a gorgeous distraction from the typical boring conversations that filled the holiday dinner table?
When dinner was ready, Vernon immediately took a seat next to you, much to Lia’s annoyance. You wanted to ask her if she was ok, but before you could, your dad was giving his usual speech about appreciation and the importance of family. As the meal began, everyone went around the table and shared what they were grateful for. Your mom said that she was grateful for the home that your family had lived in for decades. Your dad said that he was grateful that his marriage to your mom had lasted as long as it did, and that she’d even married him in the first place. Lia said that she was grateful for your friendship, though there was a sense of disappointment in her voice that you couldn’t quite place. Mrs. Choi said that she was grateful for her book club, as well as the new things that she’d learned about both her friends and the world around her since joining. Mr. Choi expressed gratitude that his business had been so successful for so long, and that Vernon had so readily agreed to help him at the garage.
When it was Vernon’s turn, he made a light-hearted comment about how he was grateful for the number of gorgeous women in your hometown. Then, he turned to you and winked. His little joke earned an eye roll from Lia and a half-joking scolding from his parents. You laughed at his comment, though, and before you could even think, you said, “Well, I’m grateful that someone appreciates the effort I put into my appearance,” smiling at Vernon. When you turned back to Lia, however, you saw the dirty look that she gave you. You couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed, even though you hadn’t meant anything serious by it. You were just enjoying the attention and using it as a means to distract yourself from your more serious feelings for a little while.
The rest of the dinner was awkward, to say the least. Vernon flirted with you openly, you tried to match his energy while still maintaining conversations about other things, and Lia only got increasingly annoyed at your displays. You wondered why she cared so much, but in the end you reasoned that she was probably just protective of her brother. The two of them had always been close, so there was no reason to suspect that there would be any other reason behind her reaction. You had no idea that she didn’t feel protective of Vernon in that moment. She felt jealous of him.
After the meal was over, Vernon approached you and asked, “So, my friend Joshua is hosting a party tomorrow. Would you like to go with me?”
“That depends. Are you asking me on a date?”
“Well, that depends on whether you want it to be a date,” he replied with a shy smile.
You pretended to think for a minute before you said, “I would love to go with you.”
“Great! I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”
“That sounds great. I’ll see you then.”
Vernon, Lia, and their parents went home for the night, and you spent the rest of the evening catching up with your parents while the three of you worked together to clean the kitchen. They told you about all of the latest gossip at their jobs, and you told them about your studies. Your dad also snuck in a few comments about how close you and Vernon seemed to be, but you told him that you were certain nothing would come of it. After all, the only person you really wanted was Lia.
After your parents went to bed, you checked your phone and saw a text from Lia. She’d invited you to go shopping before Joshua’s party. You readily agreed, excited for some quality time with your best friend. For a moment, you even considered telling her about how you really felt. You immediately thought better of it, however. What if she was already dating someone? What if she didn’t like girls? What if she did, but she just didn’t see you the same way you saw her? The idea of embarrassing yourself like that was too much to bear, so you decided to continue to suffer in silence and hope that going to a party with Vernon would be enough of a distraction. Hell, maybe you could even convince yourself to pursue something more with Vernon.
The next day, you got ready for Lia to pick you up. When she got to your house, she greeted you with an excitement that frankly caught you off guard. Still, when you got in her car, she put on her favorite playlist before driving to the mall. When you got there, you went to your favorite clothing store to find something to wear to the party.
After what felt like hours of trying things on and hating them, you finally found the perfect dress to wear. It was your favorite shade of purple, and while you looked incredible in it, it didn’t look too formal for a gathering like the kind you were certain you would be going to. It was short, but it also wasn’t too revealing for your taste. The silhouette flattered your body perfectly, and you knew that you would turn a few heads.
When Lia came out of the fitting room wearing a black sparkly minidress with fishnets and heels, you felt like you could hardly breathe. She radiated confidence, and you couldn’t help but notice that her dress showed off her figure in all the right ways. Before you could even think to stop yourself, you said, “Wow. I’m jealous of whoever your date to the party is. You look beautiful.”
Lia blushed at the compliment, but she didn’t really react otherwise. You also couldn’t quite read the expression on her face. Assuming that she was uncomfortable and trying to spare your feelings, you quickly apologized and left the area of the store with the fitting rooms to pay for your dress. After that, you called an Uber and left the mall, choosing to wait at home for Vernon to pick you up for the party instead of waiting for him at the mall like you’d originally planned.
To say that Lia was confused by your sudden departure was an understatement. Had she done something wrong? She didn’t think so, but now she wasn’t so sure. She decided not to think about it, however, and focused her energy on getting ready for the party. She fully planned to dance the night away with a pretty girl and pretend for one night that she wasn’t incredibly attracted to you.
Vernon got to your house right on time, excited to escort you to Joshua’s party. Before you went outside to greet him, however, you did a simple charm that would make your makeup flatter your features just a bit better. It was nothing special, just something to give you a bit of extra seduction power. What could be a better way to get over your crush than getting under someone else? Sure, it probably wasn’t healthy, but it sure was going to be fun.
When you actually got to the party, the first thing that Vernon did was introduce you to the host. You’d seen Joshua around town, and the two of you had a number of mutual friends, but you’d never spoken to him directly before. When you did finally talk to him for the first time, you couldn’t help but notice how kind he was when he spoke. He had a reputation for being nice to everyone, but you really didn’t expect him to treat you like a lifelong friend rather than someone he’d just met.
After Joshua left the conversation to greet other guests, you and Vernon made your way to the dance floor. Once you found a spot with enough space, the two of you started to move, and he asked, “So, what do you want to do after this?”
“You?”
“Only if you play your cards right, gorgeous.”
“Well, I’m willing to play however you want me to, handsome.” You had a good feeling about how the night would go as you flawlessly matched Vernon’s energy.
The good feeling you had barely lasted an hour. That was when you noticed that Vernon didn’t listen to a word you said if you weren’t talking about fucking him, and the only time he spoke to you was when he complimented your appearance. For example, at some point you started to tell a funny story about going out with friends the night before you drove home. He showed no signs of paying attention to what you said at all, except for when he looked you up and down and asked, “Was the outfit you wore then as sexy as the one you’re wearing now?” You were frustrated to say the least, but you hoped that the night would get better as it went on.
Your evening with Vernon got even worse, however, when the topic of magic came up. You weren’t sure how it happened, but at some point while you were talking about your studies, he interrupted to go on a rant about how people that used magic for everything were pretentious and lazy. The rant felt very targeted and personal, and that was your final straw. You bid him a hasty goodbye and left him alone on the dance floor.
The last person you wanted to see was Lia, but of course, she was exactly who you ran into. Literally. As you wandered around the party looking for someone to talk to, you accidentally bumped into her. You quickly apologized for bumping into her, then tried to walk away. Before you could, though, she said, “Wait! (Y/N), can we talk?”
“Yeah, sure,” you replied, hoping that the anxiety you were feeling wasn’t obvious. What’s up?”
Lia wanted to ask you what happened at the mall, but before she could, she saw the look of frustration on your face and instead asked, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, just disappointed that going out with Vernon didn’t go the way I would have hoped.”
Hearing you say that the date didn’t go well should have been a disappointment for Lia. You were her best friend, after all. Instead, though, she couldn’t help but feel a little bit giddy. Partially to comfort you, and partially because she wanted to take the newfound opportunity for alone time with you, she asked, “You know what? I vote we ditch the party and just do our own thing tonight. What do you think?”
“That sounds great, Li. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. Where do you wanna go?”
“How about that diner across town?”
The two of you made your way to Lia’s car, spending the whole time talking about the food that you wanted to get when you got to the diner. It was one of the best places to get food in your hometown, so “excited” didn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling, especially because you were going with your best friend. As happy as you were about going, however, you were also nervous. What if you did something that made Lia uncomfortable again? You didn’t think you could take losing her as a friend if that happened.
After you got to the diner and ordered your food, the first thing that Lia did was ask, “So, what happened with Vernon?”
“We just didn’t vibe well with each other, and it was disappointing. I’m ok with that, though.”
“Are you sure? It seems like there’s more to it than that.”
“Oh, there isn’t, really. I’m just thinking about other stuff.”
“What kind of other stuff?” Your face fell at her question, and she added, “Is it about the mall?”
“Kind of.”
“What happened? You kind of disappeared on me. I thought I did something wrong.”
“I thought that I did something wrong. You looked uncomfortable when I complimented the dress you picked out.”
“I was just surprised, honestly. You never really talk like that when we shop together, so I didn’t really know what to say.”
“Well, I should probably fix that. You always look gorgeous.”
Lia blushed at your words, and you noticed that she had the same expression on her face that she had at the mall. For a minute, you started to wonder if she liked you as much as you liked her. Before you could think too much about it, however, your food got to your table.
Unlike Vernon, Lia genuinely seemed to care about what you had to say. While the two of you ate, you shared stories about what had happened over the past few months while you’d been away for school. Your favorite story that you told her was about calling out a sexist professor.
“Hold on. You said what to who now?! Why?!” she asked, fully invested in the story you were telling.
“I told the professor to suck my dick because he was being a misogynistic prick, and I was tired of his bullshit.”
While you continued to talk, Lia found herself admiring your passion for what was important to you. It was one of the many things that she loved about you. The more she thought about the things that she liked about you, like your kindness and sense of humor, the more she couldn’t help but think that she really wanted to be more than a friend to you.
When your meal ended, you found yourself disappointed that your time with Lia was ending. Just before the two of you left the restaurant, you decided to take advantage of the little confidence you had left, and you asked, “Would you want to meet up at the park tomorrow to hang out a bit more? I’ve missed you a lot lately, and I’d really like to see you more before I have to go back to school.”
“That sounds great,” she said, pulling you into yet another hug. While the two of you walked back to her car, and on the drive home, you discussed what time you would meet at the park and what you would do when you got there. Just as you felt like you had planned everything out, Lia happened to pull up to your front door. You thanked her again for a fun time before you went inside, thinking about whether you should finally tell Lia about your feelings for her. In the end, you decided that you would.
When Lia left your house, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that you weren’t going home with her. She liked you a lot, and she’d hoped that the two of you could spend a bit more time together before you had to go. She was excited about meeting you at the park, however. As she drifted off to sleep, she decided that she would finally tell you that she’d had a crush on you since high school.
The time came for you to meet Lia at the park, and you were already second-guessing your decision to finally tell her how you felt. What if she didn’t feel the same? You were terrified of risking your friendship because of what felt like a stupid crush, and you were certain that something would go wrong. Before you could panic too much, however, you took a deep breath and reminded yourself how long you’d been friends. You went to the same preschool, for fuck’s sake. A single awkward moment couldn’t shake the kind of bond that the two of you had. If it could, she would have dropped you as a friend years ago.
You decided to walk to the park, since your car was still getting repaired. While you walked, you thought about what you would say to Lia. You wanted her to know that you valued her friendship more than anything else, and that you were completely ok with staying friends if she didn’t feel the same way. Sure, it would be awkward for a while until you got over her, but you were certain that your friendship could withstand absolutely anything.
When you got to the park, Lia was already waiting for you with a bouquet of deep red roses in her hands. You panicked when you saw the flowers, since you didn’t think to get anything for her. Once you calmed down, however, you used your admittedly limited conjuring skills to make a stuffed bear appear in your hand. It was even her favorite color, bright orange. You were proud of yourself as you made your way to where she sat.
For a few minutes after you sat down, you and Lia were both completely silent. You both knew what you wanted to say, but neither of you wanted to be the first one to speak. In the end, it wasn’t what you said that got the ball rolling, but rather what you did. With a shaky hand and anxiety coursing through your veins, you held the bear out for Lia to take. The smile on her face when she saw it was worth more than gold in your eyes, and when she said “I love it! Thank you so much,” you couldn’t help but smile too.
The smile on your face got even bigger when Lia handed you the bouquet of roses. You knew that she knew that they were your favorite flower, and the sweet gesture made you want to cry tears of joy. You did manage to maintain your composure, however. Then, Lia said, “So, can I ask you something?”
Fuck.
You took a deep breath before you nodded. When she asked, “Why did you go out with Vernon of all people? You’ve never shown any interest in him before, so why now?”
With a sigh, you said, “I just wanted a distraction.”
“A distraction from what?”
“You.” Lia looked puzzled, so you continued, “Look, Lia. I like you a lot, and I have for a long time. I understand if you just want to be friends, but I thought that you should know how I really feel about you.”
Lia was quiet for a minute while she processed what you’d said, and you couldn’t help but panic again. Before you could worry too much, however, she laughed and asked, “Do you really think that I would have bought you roses if I didn’t like you too?”
You thought for a second before you said, “No, I guess not. Does this mean that you’d say yes if I asked you to be my girlfriend?”
“Yes, it does.”
“Then would you do me the honor of-”
Before you could even finish asking, Lia kissed you. As you felt her lips on yours for the first time, you couldn’t help but think that it felt different than when you’d kissed Vernon the night before. Kissing him was a mere distraction, a band-aid that you put over your feelings to prevent them from spilling out of you. Kissing Lia, however, was an expression of the feelings that you’d tried so desperately to ignore. Kissing Lia felt right, whereas kissing Vernon felt wrong in a way you couldn’t really put into words. That didn’t matter, though. All that mattered was that you and Lia were finally officially in a relationship.
You and Lia spent the rest of your weekend home together, just enjoying being around each other as much as you could. Then, when your car was fixed and it was time for you to leave, you promised to try to visit home as often as you could. She also promised to visit you on the weekends that you couldn’t visit her, and you left. As you drove back to the dorms and chaos, you couldn’t help but think about what had gone right this Thanksgiving, rather than what went wrong.
Thank you so much for reading! It is such an honor to be part of the @kvanity network and participate in this awesome event! I really hope that y'all enjoy reading my submission as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you did, please check out the other fics in the #kfallforyou tag! They're also in the event masterlist!
If you would like to check out my other work, my personal masterlist is here. If you'd like to see what else I've got in store, my upcoming works list is here. If none of that catches your attention, or there's something specific that you'd like to see, send a request via asks or dms! If you'd like to be tagged whenever I post a new fic, comment on any of my fics, send an ask, or send a dm with the username that you would like tagged!
Once again, thank you to @diamonddaze01 for beta reading! Y'all should check out her work if you haven't, she's an amazing writer!
Today was one of those bad fucking days. One of those days when you can't find any positivity in anything. One of those days when you don't feel like talking to the people you love the most. One of those days when you just want to give up.
The first thing you saw in the morning was a the notification of a text from your girlfriend. Looking at the white speech bubble is something you usually look forward to when you see Somi's name bright up your screen, knowing she always has something entertaining to tell.
But this particular morning she said something you wish were a joke.
SomSom babieboo💞
[ive been thinking lately and _____ i think we need a break]
😘🤌👅🍒🍑✂️🌈☀️
[You're not going to tell me why?]
Seen 10:17
You asked her the first thing that came to your mind. She couldn't possibly just expect you to be OK with having a break without a reason, right?
After an hour you accepted the fact that she had left you on read and that she wasn't going to reply anytime soon.
Maybe it was because she called you _____.
She never called you by your name. Only your friends called you that. She was supposed to call you weird or cheesy pet names and nothing else!
She left you with a headache. She left you with your bad thoughts and theories. Damn you, Somi.
It was very human-like of you to be in a bad mood. Only a robot would feel nothing in this situation. The day wouldn't get any worse. You were going to make sure of it! Your mood may have been bad, but you weren't going to let anyone else get affected by it. Lashing out on innocent people because you don't feel good on the inside is something you hated doing.
Today you were going to hang out with your best friend, Yuna, have a picnic on a park next to the Han river. Yuna had packed a cute pink basket (that she had specifically bought for you two to use for picnics together since they happened at least thrice a month) which was filled with tuna and kimchi kimbap, green grapes, two clementines and some churro flavored chips and you had packed a large outdoor blanket so Yuna wouldn't have too much to carry. For almost a week you two hadn't met up and you both missed each other and wanted to make up for the days you had spent apart so of course you went for the nice, typical no-homo picnic hang out session.
But no.
You weren't going to meet Yuna and ruin her parade with the rain cloud that was following you around wherever you went since you opened your eyes this dark morning. No, you weren't going to let the first time you two meet in such a long time be ruined by the sad news you got this ugly morning.
언니 🥰
[I can't hang out today, sorry]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[why not?☹️]
언니 🥰
[I'm not feeling too well]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[it's ok i'll get some soup for u😊]
언니 🥰
[No, you don't need to, I don't want you to get sick!]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[but ive missed u sm☹️]
언니 🥰
[We'll meet another day I promise to make up for this!]
And so you put the phone gently on the table to lay on the sofa and binge watch some random show. You made sure to turn your phone off first since you knew you'd cut Somi some slack in case you read any persuasive text from her — she's good with words and making you feel loved. Whilst you were looking through all the lists Netflix had created for you, which were filled with movies and series you either had already seen or weren't interested in, Yuna was still expectantly waiting for her screen to go bright.
She must be joking, she thought.
Unlike you, Yuna's morning had started out brilliant. From the moment she opened her eyes, she was smiling and full of energy, excited to hang out with you after not seeing you for five whole days. She had missed you. Spending time with you was one of her favorite hobbies! Since you two had picnics regularly you two had decided that you would take turns in deciding and packing the picnic basket and this time it was Yuna's turn! She had been so excited all week, planning out a shopping list days before. She had specifically purchased grapes this time because she had this fantasy of putting one in your mouth (which sounded weird, but it would feel intimate to feed you fruit) and also playing around and throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in the mouth.
Needless to say, she liked you a little more than a best friend should and that was a bit of a problem. Her friends kept telling her that it was stupid to spend so much time with you and that Yuna should either try to ignore her emotions or she should distance herself from you until she loses feelings, because it was unfair to hurt herself by giving herself false hopes of getting somewhere with a taken girl.
And Yuna knew it. For so long, she'd known that it was a bad idea to like you. You didn't like her in the same way, and you even had a girlfriend for fuck's sake — and a really pretty one at that! But no matter how many red flags there were, she still wanted to spend everyday with you. She didn't want a week to go by without being with you. She wanted to cuddle with you on a picnic blanket. She wanted to kiss you when you visited photo booths. She wanted to share shirts with you. She wanted to stay up late and talk until you two fell asleep in each others' arms. She wanted to be the only one you called Baby.
Wondering why you called Yuna 'Baby' when you already were in a relationship with Somi? Well, Baby had been Yuna's nickname before you even met Somi (yes, you'd known Yuna longer than you'd known Somi, yet you still found yourself in a relationship with the latter — or not anymore actually). And though your (then) girlfriend never liked it, you had convinced her it was just a friendly pet name. Because that's exactly what it was.
To you.
To Yuna it was the closest she'd ever feel to being your girlfriend. But you started using that pet name less and ever since Somi came around and ruined everything more than it already was ruined. Yuna even had to change her contact name on your phone to include the word 'baby' so you wouldn't forget to call her that.
She loathed Somi.
Somi was always the reason why you couldn't hang out with your bestfriend for too long, why you couldn't call her Baby on certain occasions and why you couldn't look at her as a potential girlfriend. Somi was an attention thief. Not really. But it felt like it. Yuna was jealous of everything Somi had with you.
Because your girlfriend obviously was a threat, Yuna felt like she needed even more of your validation than before (which was already a lot). She needed your attention. If you ignored her she'd think it was your way of telling her that you had left her completely for Somi. Ridiculous! She shouldn't feel like you owe attention to her.
Your friendly fucking friendship was the closest thing Yuna had to being together with you in the way she really wanted, so she valued it a lot. Not having you as her girlfriend was painful enough, but not having you as even her friend would break her.
Right now you weren't validating your time together, nor your friendship — or at least it felt like it to Yuna. She always needed. Your attention and unlike normally, she wasn't getting it right now. Her smile dropped and so did her excitement for the day.
Was this the end?
She knew that spending one week without each other would lead to more time for you to spend with your damn girlfriend but she didn't know it would lead to the end of your friendship.
No way she'd bail on the picnic plans.
Baby Yunanana🍓
[can i pls come over? i bought fruits for u<33 i'm sure fruits is exactly what u need right now!!]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[idc if i get sick or not bc i still wanna hang out w u]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[pls 언니]
Sent 11:33
You had ignored her only once before and it was a horrible experience.
The way you ignored her (on accident) was so hurtful that she had to leave the gathering that she had looked forward to for so long, confusing the other guests, to go and lock herself in a bathroom so she could cry without bothering anyone. You'd gone right after her since you knew it wasn't very Yuna-like to leave a fun time for no reason. After you had knocked on the door and reassured her you were her best friend and not a random person coming to make fun of her, she let you in the bathroom.
The sight you were met by was her crumbling figure on the floor and overflowing tears on her cheeks. She had thought that you wanted nothing to do with her. Stupid you didn't see the obvious signs. It was because of the fact that you hadn't paid any attention to her that Yuna had gotten the idea that you had grown bored of her or that you wanted to leave her for Somi (she hadn't told you the latter part, of course). And weeks later you did get together with Somi. And that made her cry herself to sleep for days which you never knew.
How much your lack of attention and affection for Yuna had affected her was scary. And a fucking sign, you idiot. Nobody gets so worked up over the loss of affection of someone they view as a friend. Ever since that incident you'd made sure to always remind her of how much you value your friendship.
Except for today.
She thought she had made it clear enough to you that you never ever should ignore her unless you really meant It. Unless you really wanted to part ways. To go from the bestest friends to cold acquaintances. Some people might think it's crazy to be this attached to a best friend but you weren't just her best friend. You were her love and happiness. Without you she didn't have either.
Five minutes passed since she triple texted you and she still had no reply. Slowly she felt how her tummy was turning into knots and how her eyes started stinging.
Baby Yunanana🍓
[ur making me worried]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[hey!! text me so ik u didn't die from choking on strawberry milk 언니😰]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[r u ignoring me?🫠]
Baby Yunanana🍓
[unless u have corona, meet me by the river at 6 if u care abt me. i need to talk to u abt smth important]
Sent 12:04
If you didn't show up she knew for sure that you had left her behind forever. If you did show up then she'd confess to you. So spontaneous. She couldn't keep her feelings away from you for another year because it wasn't healthy and she knew it. She knew she would have to tell you about her feelings sooner or later. And after being without you for a whole ass week and after experiencing the cruel punishment that is being ignored and even thinking you broke your dear friendship off, she knew the time had come for her to finally woman up and confess.
Whilst she was anxiously thinking through why she made such a bold move and possibly ruined any future she had with you, the girl she loved was being lazy and stuffing her face in pillows in front of a TV.
one season of Young Royals later...
Tossed between blankets and an overflow of pillows, your tummy roared like a lion. You hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe it was time to do something other than numbing your feelings with Netflix and the drinks you had at home? As you stood up you felt heavy. You had moved maximum 100 meters in the past few hours — to go to the bathroom then kitchen and back to the living room — and it had taken a toll on your body physically.
Fuck.
You sat back down on your sofa and brought your phone to view after hours without it.
[6 new messages from Baby Yunanana🍓]
Fuck. The last message was sent so long ago. You looked at your windows. It was dark outside. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. As fast as you physically could, you put on a pair of shoes and a jacket with your aching limbs.
In just a few minutes you were on your way to the closest bus station. The whole bus ride to the river was filled with thoughts putting you down. Your favorite person in the world was sensitive about this stuff and you hurt her. You were supposed to not let your bad mood affect anybody around you. But who were you kidding? Of course something had to go wrong with an idea you constructed and analyzed for four microseconds.
Before you knew it you had arrived at the destination. You were speed walking to the river. You two always went to the exact same spot by the river since it was usually vacant, by some miracle, and had a pretty view of a bridge.
You were naive enough to think that isolating yourself from your bestfriend and your phone would help solve your problems, so you were certainly naive enough to go and check if Yuna was still at your meeting place hours after you were supposed to meet her. What if she wasn't there? What if she was there?
The water was shimmering from the moonlight and next to it was a bench and a thin, tall silhouette. Your eyes widened. Could it be...? Sniffles. That's the sound that came from their direction. You walked closer and could make out the lines of a figure that was all too familiar.
"Baby?"
The silhouette turned around and though it was dark you could see that it in fact was her. You quickly sat down beside her and noticed that a couple of notebooks were scattered on the ground next to a bike. You didn't know what to do, never having seen glad Yuna cry. After another particularly loud sniffle you turned your attention back to her. The light of the moon exposed the redness and tears on her face. For hours she'd been outside and her face was still wet with tears.
"Why are you still out at this hour?"
She choked on her tears and rested her face in her hands, "Because I'm a fool."
"No, you're not a—"
"Why are you here?" she interrupted you.
Touché.
"You told me to meet you if I care about you."
"You come here hours later as if I don't mean anything to you," she hurried out before her voice could crack.
"I'm sorry about that. But if I didn't care about you I wouldn't show up at all," you spoke with a soft tone. The last thing you wanted was to be harsh, especially since you were the reason your best friend was upset.
"Why did you do this to me, 언니?" she looked you in the eyes as if she'd find any answers inside them.
"I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose," you took her hands into yours, oblivious to how the simple gesture made Yuna a bit hopeful on the inside.
Her hands were so cold it was shocking that she was shaking because of her crying and not because of the ice-like coldness. That's what happens when you're out for hours when there's no sun — or person — to keep you warm.
"I saw the messages 20 minutes ago and got here immediately. I would never purposely ignore you, Baby."
You made sure to use her nickname in almost every sentence you spoke, silently telling her that you don't want to fight. Slowly you brought her hands to your lips and kissed them lightly, five kisses on each hand for every finger. She looked at your lovely action and felt how her tears were slowing down. The kisses didn't make her warm — maybe for a second — but at least they made her feel somewhat better inside.
"I'm so, so sorry you had to be here in the cold," you apologized and kept her hands in yours as an attempt to warm them.
One part of Yuna wanted to continue being mad and make you feel bad for the hurt you'd caused her but the bigger part wanted you to hold her in your arms. She loved you and couldn't stay mad at you for long even if she tried.
"I-It's OK, 언니. At least you're here now," she whispered and looked at your locked hands, admiring the sight since it may never happen again — or maybe she should make sure her hands are cold more often—
You sent her a sorrowful smile and let her head rest on your shoulder, resting your own against it as an instinct, both from being comfortable and tired.
"From now on I will check if I have any texts every hour for you," you said with an exaggerated joking voice to lighten the mood.
She giggled. You weren't even being that funny but you were both tired and sad, so anything even a tiny bit funny was hilarious to both of you.
"What did you want to tell me before, Baby?" you whispered into her fluffy hair and petted it.
Should she tell you how she feels? Should she possibly ruin this? If she told you how she truly felt, would you ever kiss her hands like you did just now? Would you ever touch her this caringly ever again? Would you continue to call her Baby? Or would all of that be gone due to your loyalty to your sweet precious girlfriend Somi?
For hours Yuna had been outside in the cold waiting for the love of her life so she could tell her the truth. But it took time before you, the love of her life, showed up. Too long.
When a person is alone outside with notebooks filled with blank pages to write feelings and stories in, it's easy to let emotions take over. She ended up writing around seven poems. Some poems were really cheesy and written in the spirit of the moment. Some didn't even rhyme. Some were a perfect description of where she was in her non-existing love life.
But they all had one thing in common.
They were melancholic and written from the point of view of a woman who was hopelessly in love with her best friend.
"Nothing. I just wanted to have a picnic with you, 언니. I was just being dramatic to convince you to come despite feeling under the weather," she lied right through her teeth.
That made no sense because you two had never been on a picnic after sunset and Yuna would never lie to make you come see her. But you were tired and desperate to leave the cold outside, so you chuckled lightly, believing her immediately.
"Then where are the snacks?" you asked, confused since the only things around you were notebooks, a bike and water.
"I ate them."
Laughter filled the air; your genuine one and her fake one.
You put your face in her cheek, making her blush (not that you'd notice, since her cheeks were already red from before), "Well, my tummy is a little too thin right now, so let's go somewhere."
"In the middle of the night?" she questioned.
"Yes," you smiled against her cheek and she felt it, making her smile too.
"OK."
You both were still smiling when you were picking up all the notebooks to get ready for the ride. Jokes were thrown here and there. It was as if nothing had happened. You both knew it was a misunderstanding and you valued the friendship with the other too much to put energy into arguing. And you were tired too, so the argument wouldn't even be that epic even if you tried.
"What about your bike?"
"Oh nooo! The buses are always so full now that it's too late to take the subway!" Yuna whined.
"You know what? Since I was a jerk you can go take a warm bus while I ride in the cold," you said impulsively.
"B-But, 언니—" she smiled, flattered.
"B-But nothing," you interrupted her and sat down on the bike. Anyone who had spoken to you knew you were stubborn. She laughed. The little sadness she had left was gone by now. Her cheeks were dry. Still red, but not from crying, now they were red from blushing.
"OK, whatever you say, 언니."
"You brought a transport card right?" you made sure since she came by bike.
"Yes I do~ See you in an hour, 언니," she winked at you and waved with a smile brighter than the moon before running to the bus that just arrived.
You waved back to her and got ready to bike — you definitely needed a head start. But before you started you couldn't help but see something white standing out in the darkness.
It was another one of Yuna's notebooks. You must've been too tired to notice it when you were picking them up. Thankfully the notebook was open or else you wouldn't have noticed it as it had a dark cover. You took it into your hands. To make sure it really was Yuna's you needed to read at least a snippet.
You prayed it was Yuna's because it would be worse if you read a stranger's private thoughts than your best friend's since you already knew all her secrets. The snippet was Yuna's. It was from one of the pages of poems that didn't rhyme, that was very cheesy but depicted how sappy she was feeling and also told her part of the story that you never knew.
i want to feel my best friend's lips on my lips
ugh how much of a cliche gay can i be haha
i don't want her to call me 'baby' only
i want her to call me 'mine'
i want to call her that too
You drop the book on the grass. So that's what she wanted to tell you.
