After years of heartache and torment it’s hardly surprising that the infertility chip on your shoulder is still very much present and showing very little sign of letting up. You may have ‘beaten’ infertility and have your perfect 2 point 4 children but it doesn’t eliminate the pain that has been so deeply rooted within you for so long. After 6 years, or to put it into context 72 months of trying and failing it is not a feeling that simply goes away just because you now have your babies. The wounds may heal in time but you will always carry the scars. Just because you didn’t instantly feel that indescribable love at first sight for your baby doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum, it’s a lot to process for any new mum, it’s one of the biggest life changing events you will ever experience. Add into that the traumatic lead up to this moment you are bound to be experiencing an explosion of emotions from absolute joy to, an overwhelming sense of relief or complete fear of what you are meant to do with this vulnerable tiny little human. Just because that instant bond wasn’t established when they were placed on your chest doesn’t mean you’re any less of a mum then the next person and it doesn’t mean that you’re not deserving, it just means it may take you a little longer to get there, it’s not a race so give yourself time. The truth is it’s taken you a bloody long time to reach this point so if it takes you a while to process it all then listen to your body, take a step back and breath. There may be days you feel like you cannot continue or you may yearn for your pre-baby days, just because your family are the result of fertility treatment doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to have these feelings. In fact just because you are where you are through fertility treatment doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy every second of parenthood, you are allowed to have your bad days and not feel that you will judged or appear ungrateful. You may have had to go that extra mile but that doesn’t mean you have to be super mum, it doesn’t mean you are not entitled to whinge about your crying, needy baby. You’re allowed shit days just like everyone else, if you want to sit and watch a marathon of Peaky Blinders with week old greasy hair, a vomit covered hoody surrounded by a mass of half drunk bottles then do it, as long as your baby is loved, fed and has a happy, healthy mum then what’s the issue.
