Loved You Then and Now
Rating: Explicit Ship: Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) Warnings: Adult Content and Language, Smut Tags: Angst, Smut, Bottom Bucky, Top Steve, First Time, No Refractory Period, and Multiple Orgasms
Summary: It's been a couple years since Bucky has become an Avenger and after Steve almost got himself killed on a mission for what seemed like the millionth time, Bucky decides that he can't handle getting so close to losing Steve anymore without telling him something very important...
Word Count: 3607
A/N: Written for @izawrites for her 6k Writing Challenge! The lyrics I chose are "We're not who we used to be" and they will be in bold. This is also my first time writing Stucky, and Marvel in general, so I hope I did okay and I apologize if something's off or wrong. Hope you enjoy! This fic will also be posted on my MCU blog once I get it up and running, by the way.
(I may or may not have chosen the positioning of the gifs because it looks like Steve is looking down on a fucked-out Bucky. Had to point that out, sorry, continue reading.)
“Hey, Buck. Whatcha up to?” Steve asks, walking into the living room. After Bucky only gives a grunt, Steve asks if he’s okay. “Yeah, fine.” Steve sighs and sits next to Bucky on the couch, “Alright, talk to me.” “What do you want to talk about?” “Bucky, we’ve known each other for how long? And you think I can’t tell when something’s on your mind? What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong, okay? I’m fine.” Bucky snaps, not looking at Steve. Steve’s eyebrows fly up, shocked. “Did- Did I do something? Are you mad at me?” “I said I’m fine, Steve!” Bucky snaps again, even more aggressive this time. “Yes, you did. But that’s not what I asked. I asked if I did something to make you mad at me.” Steve says calmly. Bucky finally turns to look at Steve, “Yes, okay?! You did do something! You’ve always done the same damn thing and you’ll probably never stop!” “What have I done?” Steve asks, completely confused as to what he’s done to get Bucky this mad at him. Bucky looks shocked for a moment before setting his hand a little harder than necessary on Steve’s shoulder, the one that he hurt on the mission, making Steve wince. “Ow! What the hell was that for, Buck?!” “That’s what you’ve done! You’ve always put yourself in harm’s way and almost gotten yourself killed, time and time again! Ever since that damn serum got in you, hell, even before that when you were still the little kid from Brooklyn. I’m pretty sure that you’ve never even thought what you dying would do to the team! What you dying would do to me, damn it!” Bucky yells, tears coming to his eyes. Steve just sits there, not knowing what to say or do after all that Bucky said. Several moments of silence settle before Bucky speaks, his voice cracking. “Do you even know what losing you would do to me, Stevie? I- I don’t think I could go on without you if you...” “I do know what it would do to you. I know because I went through it when you fell off that train all those years ago. I thought you died, Buck. For a long time I always blamed myself, hell I still do. I wasn’t fast enough, I couldn’t save you...” Steve says softly. “Steve, it wasn’t your fault. There wasn’t anything else that you could do to save me.” Now it was Steve’s turn to yell, “You don’t know that! I could have reached out further! I could’ve moved as you fell so I could grab you! I could’ve jumped after you, the serum could’ve kept me alive!” “Shut up! Don’t let me even hear about you saying that again! You don’t know if the serum would’ve kept you alive! If you would’ve died after jumping after me, I would’ve made sure I died with you! I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, remember?! You die, I die! And if you did jump after me and die, a whole lot of people would’ve died after as well! Do you not realize how many people you saved when you kept living?! How many people you saved from having to go through what not only I but so many other people went through as well?! You’re Captain fucking America for Christ’s sake! You save people, it’s what you do! You can’t stop doing that because you lose someone on a job!” Steve thinks for a moment before speaking, “I can when I lose the person that’s never stopped believing in me. The person who started believing in me when I was probably one of the sickest people on the planet. You’ve never stopped seeing me, Buck, the real me. You never saw me as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers, the little guy from Brooklyn. That’s the person I can die for if I lose them.”
Bucky basically sags as all of his anger drains out of him. Bucky just stares at Steve, trying to process all that was just said to him as well as not to let tears fall down his face. After Bucky lets his head fall, Steve speaks. “Bucky.” “Yes?” “Please, don’t ever think of yourself as just another person to me. I wouldn’t have fought half of the Avengers for just anyone.” Steve jokes, chuckling and making Bucky smile. Steve takes a deep breath before continuing, “You’re my everything, Buck. I can’t live without the man I love.” Bucky’s head jerks up, looking into Steve’s eyes, searching for anything that tells him that Steve is lying. There’s nothing. “What? What did you just say?” Bucky asks softly. “I love you, Bucky. I always have.” Steve repeats, feeling a weight being lifted off of his chest. “No, you don’t.” Bucky says, shaking his head. “What? Yes I do.” Steve replies, confused. “No, you don’t! You can’t!” Bucky snaps, turning away from Steve. “Bucky, look at me. Look at me. Please, Buck.” Steve says, waiting until Bucky turns back to face him to continue. “What do you mean I can’t love you? Why can’t I love you?” “Steve. You said you’ve always loved me, right?” “Yes.” “That’s why. Steve, we’re not who we used to be. You loved me before I ‘died.’ Not after.” “Yes, I do. I said I’ve always loved you. That includes before the fall and now. I have always loved you, Bucky, and I always will. It doesn’t matter if you love me back or not, I won’t stop.” “Steve... I’m different now, I’m not your Bucky.” Bucky argues, shaking his head, refusing to believe what he’s hearing. “You’ll always be my Bucky. It doesn’t matter if you get switched into a completely different body, you’ll still be my Bucky. Please tell me you understand that.” Bucky looks back into the beautiful pools of blue in Steve’s eyes and whispers, “Do you really mean that?” “Yes. Of course I do, Buck. We’re with each other until the end of the line. You stayed with me after the serum, in a completely new body and slightly different mindset. I’ll be with you with your metal arm and shaggy hair.” Steve answers, smiling at the end. Bucky smiles, “Well, it looks like I really am stuck with you as I feel the same.” “You mean being with each other until the end of the line?” Steve asks, not getting his hopes up and thinking that Bucky meaning something else. “That and... I love you too, Stevie.” Bucky says, hope and love shining in his eyes. Steve almost stops breathing for a second and he swears his heart skipped a beat. He says, tears pooling in his eyes, “R- Really?” “Yeah. I’ve loved you longer than you know.” Bucky answers, feeling the same weight being lifted off of his chest that Steve had a felt a few minutes earlier. Steve throws himself into Bucky’s arms, hugging him tight. Bucky grins and hugs Steve just as tight. “I’m trying so hard not to cry right now.” Steve says, chuckling. Bucky huffs a laugh, “Glad to know I’m not the only one.” Steve sits up just enough to look into Bucky’s eyes. “Buck.” “Yes?” “May I kiss you?” Instead of answering, Bucky moves his head forward to press his lips to Steve’s in a soft but sure kiss. Steve kisses back just as soft before pulling back, smiling. “You know I asked if I could kiss you, right?” Bucky chuckled, “Yeah, yeah, shut up and why don’t you kiss me th- Mm!” Steve kisses Bucky this time, the kiss a little bit harder this time and longer, too. Steve presses Bucky back into the couch before straddling his hips without breaking the kiss. While slipping his tongue into Steve’s mouth, Bucky slides his hands over Steve’s back before ending at his butt, squeezing it gently. Steve gives a quiet moan before moving his head back, breathing heavily. “We... We should probably take this into one of our rooms.” “Yeah, we probably should. Yours or mine?” “Mine.” “Alright, let’s go.” Bucky says, making Steve about to get up and he would have if Bucky hadn’t stood up while holding Steve, making Steve yelp and cling to Bucky. “Damn it, Bucky! Give me a warning, will you?!” Steve gripes, smacking Bucky on the back. Bucky just laughs and effortlessly carries Steve to his room. After entering, closing, and locking the door to Steve’s room, Bucky goes over to the bed and drops Steve onto the bed. Bucky then stands up and pulls his shirt off over his head before starting on his pants. Steve then takes his shirt off as well as his pants, leaving him in just his boxers. Bucky climbs over Steve after he is only in his boxers as well. Continuing the kiss, Steve and Bucky start running their hands across each other’s bodies, learning the other’s body that they’ve never stopped protecting. Steve uses his super strength to push Bucky into his back so that he’s the one on top before lowering his head to Bucky’s neck, sucking and kissing and biting. Bucky moans as Steve sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. Steve starts moving down, looking at Bucky’s face for a reaction before curiously kissing the skin that changes into metal. Bucky gasps loudly, his eyes flying open. Steve pulls back, thinking he hurt Bucky somehow, about to apologize before looking at Bucky’s eyes. In those eyes, he sees not pain, or anger, but lust. “Did- Did you like that?” Steve asks, just as shocked and confused as Bucky. “I... I didn’t hate it. It felt kinda good, surprisingly.” Bucky answers, trying to figure out how it felt. “Do you want me to do it again?” Steve asks. Bucky looks up shyly before nodding. Steve lowers his head again, softly licking the same spot he did before. “Fuck, that feels good.” Bucky gasps. Steve smiles before starting kiss and lick at the sensitive skin, wringing moans and gasps out of Bucky. Bucky feels like he should be doing something to pleasure Steve too but his mind is short circuiting from the pleasure he’s feeling. The best he can do is use his flesh arm to move to the front of Steve’s boxers and squeeze Steve’s cock. Steve moans, his kisses and licks having more pressure behind them before he moves his hands to Bucky’s nipples and rolls and pinches them. Bucky moans, arching his back to push his chest into Steve’s hands. “Fuck, Steve. I- I’m gonna come if you don’t slow down.” Steve smiles and pulls back to look at Bucky without stopping his hands, “It feels that good, huh?” “Yeah, yeah it- Oh fuck! Steve!” Bucky agrees before gasping as Steve twists his nipples, pleasure shooting up his spine. Steve smirks before letting his hands go as he moves down to remove Bucky’s boxers.
“You know what too many of my thoughts have been on?” Steve asks, taking a hold of Bucky’s cock and moving his hand up and down. “W- What?” “This.” Steve answers before taking the tip of Bucky’s cock in his mouth, running his tongue around the head. “Fuck, Steve!” Bucky gasps, Steve holding his bucking hips down. Steve licks and sucks at the head a little more before sliding more of Bucky’s length into his mouth. Starting to move his head up and down, Steve moves his left hand back up to play with Bucky’s nipples again. Bucky clenches his hands and grits his teeth, trying but failing to keep his hips down. Suddenly, Steve gets up and goes to his bedside table, digging through the drawers. “Steve. What are you- Oh.” Steve holds up a bottle of lube, before climbing back onto the bed. “May I fuck you, Bucky?” Steve asks, somehow still looking innocent with red, swollen lips covered in spit and precum. Bucky could’ve come at that question and sight right then and there. “God, yes. Please do.” Popping open the bottle, Steve squeezes some of the lube onto his fingers before placing it on the bed. Bucky relaxes, readying himself for the intrusion he knows is coming. Steve places his finger on the puckered hole, rubbing it a little before pressing his finger in to the second knuckle. “Fuck...” Bucky groans softly, looking down at Steve. Steve looks up at him innocently before smirking and crooking his finger, hitting a certain bundle of nerves. “Fuck!” Bucky cries out, throwing his head back and clenching his eyes shut. Steve presses against it again making Bucky’s hips jerk up and cry out again before leaving it alone, for now. Steve presses another finger against the hole before it easily gives in. Bucky moans at the slight stretch, giving him more pleasure than pain. Scissoring his fingers to stretch Bucky, Steve goes and sucks the head of Bucky’s cock into his mouth, licking and sucking at it. Steve continues taking more and more of Bucky into his mouth until he hits the back of his throat, making Bucky groan. “Steve!” Bucky cries out as Steve not only swallows around him but adds another finger, stretching Bucky even more. “St- Steve! I’m gonna come if...fuck... you don’t stop.” Steve pulls off and smirks with a wicked look in his eyes, “That’s the point.” Steve takes Bucky back into his mouth before crooking his fingers again, hitting Bucky’s prostate. “Steve!” Bucky screams, bucking his hips as he shoots into Steve’s mouth. Steve swallows as much as he can, the rest sliding down Bucky’s cock. Steve continues to lick and suck at Bucky’s oversensitive cock to clean him until he’s hard and ready to go again. Steve slides his fingers out before moving up Bucky’s body, licking and sucking as he goes.
Steve kisses Bucky softly before Bucky kisses back rougher. Steve tries to keep it slow and soft but Bucky continues to kiss back harder. “Steve.” “Yeah?” “I’ve- We’ve waited way too long for this and since you can’t take the hint, I’m gonna make it clear. If you don’t fuck me right now in the next five seconds, I’m going to throw you on your back and do it myself.” “Is that a threat or a promise?” “Steve, I swear- Oh fuck!” Bucky cuts off on a moan as Steve presses inside of him in a continuous slide. They both groan as Steve bottoms out. Waiting for a go ahead, Steve starts to kiss all over Bucky’s face and neck. After Bucky shifts his hips, making the both of them moan, Steve slowly pulls out before thrusting in, slow but hard. Bucky gasps and arches his back. Seeing that Bucky was okay, Steve starts a slow and hard pace, hitting that bundle of nerves on every other thrust. “Shit, Buck. You feel so good. So tight, so warm. Ah, fuck!” Steve groans and curses as he feels Bucky’s walls clench around him. Using the hand that it isn’t holding him up, Steve starts to pinch and roll at Bucky’s sensitive nipples. “Oh fuck, Steve! Feels so good. Please! Please, I need-!” Bucky moans and pleads, not being able to decide if he wants to arch his chest into Steve’s hands or push down onto Steve’s cock. So, he alternates between both, pressing his chest up on a thrust before pushing his hips down. “What do you need? Tell me what you need, Buck.” Steve says, breathlessly. “Need- Need you to fuck me. Fuck me hard, please! Pl- Fuck!” Bucky asks before getting what he asked for as Steve thrusts into him harder and quickening his pace. Not only does Steve fuck Bucky harder, he moves his head down just enough to be able to lick at the sensitive skin connected to metal. Bucky cries out in pleasure and clings onto Steve’s back for dear life, scratching Steve’s back with the nails on his flesh hand, causing bruises with his metal one.
Bucky wraps his legs around Steve’s hips before crying out again as the new angle has his prostate being hit on almost every thrust. “Steve, Steve. I- ah! I’m getting close again. Oh god!” “You gonna come for me, Buck? Do it. Come for me.” Steve says, thrusting a bit harder to push Bucky over the edge. “Steve!” Bucky screams as he comes so hard he’s sure he sees stars. Steve keeps fucking Bucky hard, not slowing down at all so Bucky decides to go ahead on his promise. Bucky flips himself and Steve so that he is straddling Steve, all the while keeping his cock in him. “So, I guess that was a promise?” Steve asks, looking up at Bucky. Bucky just smirks before lifting himself up and dropping back down. “Fuck, Bucky! Ah, don’t stop!” “Wasn’t planning to.” Bucky snarks back, throwing his head back and dropping himself back down onto Steve’s cock. Bucky moans before starting a hard and face pace, lifting himself up before dropping back down. Though at this angle, Bucky can most definitely feel Steve deeper inside of him. “You gonna come for me, Stevie?” “Not until...oh...you do.” Steve answers, having trouble keeping his hips down. Bucky smirks again, “We’ll see about that,” before not only dropping down particularly hard but clenching even tighter around Steve. “Ah! Bucky! Fuck! Are you trying to end this?!” Steve cries out, trying to keep himself from coming. Steve grips onto Bucky’s hips, wanting to slow Bucky down but not able to bring himself to do it. “Oh, it’s not going to end when you come. You kept fucking me after I came, it’s only fair if I do the same to you. Don’t you think?” Bucky says, smirking and somehow looking completely innocent while riding Steve like he’d been doing it his entire life. “Ugh, I hate you sometimes.” Steve tells Bucky, groaning as Bucky squeezes around him again. “And you love me all the time.” Bucky replies, starting to clench his walls around Steve every time he lifted himself off. “Ah. I- I can’t hold back anymore! Fuck, Bucky!” Steve screamed, letting go and shooting deep inside Bucky, his hips thrusting deeper, eyes clenching shut.
Bucky gasps, the feeling of Steve shooting deep into him making him hold back his own orgasm. Bucky continues to ride Steve until he’s done coming before giving him a break. Bucky leans down and pecks Steve’s lips before starting to kiss his whole face. Only when Steve’s eyes open does Bucky pull back enough to look him in the face. “You okay?” Bucky asks, staring lovingly down at Steve. Steve’s cock begins to harden again, making Steve smile and say, “Does that answer your question?” Bucky smiles and kisses Steve one more time before sitting back up. “You ready for another round?” Steve grinds his hips up, making Bucky gasp as he hits his prostate, “Again, does that answer your question?” “You’re an ass.” Bucky says, lifting himself up. “You love my ass.” “That I do, Steve. That I do.” Bucky agrees before dropping himself down, throwing his head back in pleasure. Steve inhales loudly as the friction on his oversensitive cock shoots pleasure up his spine, arching his back in pleasure. “You okay?” “Y- Yeah. Don’t stop, please.” Steve assures, breathing hard. “Yes, sir.” Bucky answers, starting a hard and fast pace that satisfies the both of them. The room is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing, moans, gasps, and groans as the two super soldiers that will be with each other forever make love for the first time. Steve tilts his hips up a bit and hears Bucky shout as his prostate is hit dead on. “There! Oh, please! Right there! Fuck, Steve!” Bucky cries out, almost sobbing in pleasure. Bucky starts to clench tighter around Steve to bring him to his orgasm faster as Bucky is starting to feel his coming fast. “Bucky! Ah! Oh fuck! I- I’m already getting close!” Steve cries out, using his hands to slam Bucky down even harder. “M- Me too. So close! C- Come with me, Stevie. Steve!” Bucky screams as he comes for the third time that night, that one somehow stronger than the other two making him almost black out. “Oh fuck! Bucky!” Steve shouts as he comes again, most definitely seeing stars as he falls over the edge of ecstasy with Bucky. Bucky cries out as Steve coming inside of him again makes him fall into a mini orgasm. Steve helps lift Bucky off of him and lay him next to Steve. Bucky immediately curls up as close as he can to Steve, laying his head on his chest. The two super soldiers lay there in content, catching their breath. “Bucky?” “Hm?” Bucky answers, already half-asleep. “Wh- What are we now?” Bucky looks up at Steve and thinks for a moment before saying, “What I’m pretty sure we’ve always been, Steve. Soulmates.” Steve lays there for a moment before smiling, more grinning really, and agrees, “Soulmates. I think that’s one amazing way to describe us, Buck.” Bucky starts grinning too and says, “Yeah. Yeah it is. Now I have a question.” “Hm?” “Which one of us is going to get up to get the rag?” Bucky asks. “Well, it would most likely be me but I have a better idea.” Steve answers, smirking. “What’s that?” “How about instead we take a shower together?” “Last one there bottoms!” Bucky says, grinning, and jumps over Steve and runs to the bathroom. Steve just laughs and follows him in there. There was a reason why Steve didn’t actually try to beat Bucky...
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