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Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Black OC
Summary: Another day, another stunt on the set of Jackass gone wrong. Fed up with the constant fear of him having another injury every time he is behind the camera; Johnny's trophy wife, Cupcake, gives him the ultimatum of choosing between their marriage or his immature partyboy habits that have gone on for far too long.
Warnings: Jackass core, random Johnny Knoxville images lol, Y2K aesthetic, lover's quarrel, Aggravating!Johnny, Partyboy!Johnny, Badhubby!Johnny, Dreamgirl!OC, Baddie!OC, Bimbo!OC, VideoVixen!OC, Wifey!OC, Hyperfem!OC, argument, ultimatums, toxic af, makeup sex, unprotected PinV, creampie, oral fem-receiving, baby trapping, rough sex, smutty, kinky, 18+, short fic, etc.
4k words
Wattpad link
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The door of Johnny and Cupcake's home swings open letting in the rigid LA heat. "Johnny!? Is that you baby, are you home!?" Her pink manicure slaps closed her bedazzled flip-phone, the same phone that has been ringing her husband's number for hours now.
"Slow down pumpkin, you're gonna fall in those goddamn shoes!" Catching his wife in his arms, Cupcake's five-inch leopard print pumps nearly trip her as she kicks through the floor's mess of beer cans.
"Just hold me." Stifling back tears, her worry has been lifted now that she has seen his face. "I swear when I'm done crying, I'm going to kick your ass!"
He kisses her cheek, wiping away tears with his soft lips. His brows furrow. He tries his best to calm his wife, but there has always been three reasons why he married this woman... The fact that he can't live without her, how adorable it is that her legal name at birth was 'Cupcake', and of course her huge ass— heart...
A sensitive soul, his woman is.
If Johnny is able to get her to stop crying today— he just might be able to save their house from flooding.
"What the hell is going on? You break my heart when you cry mama. What happened?"
"You happened!" She hits him, slapping his bicep red and soon wiping her tears that have now been traded for rage.
"I've been ringing your blackberry for hours now! Your agent called me about another accident on set...
Said a goddamn bull gave you a concussion and that you discharged yourself from the hospital hours ago!"
"Ahw come on baby, you know my head is tough as nails." Fluffing his short brunette strands as he unwraps his head injury, Johnny ignores the bruised lump beginning to swell at his temple. "I'm good, muffin. I promise."
"You are not good!" Taken by the hand as her husband stretches across the couch, Cupcake sits on Johnny's lap as he wishes for cuddles instead of another one of their arguments.
"You heard the doctor the last time that you got a concussion—"
"One more and you're toast."
He mocks with rolled eyes, simultaneously finishing the often overly said sentence.
"Okay smart ass, it will be you wearing a helmet everyday and drooling, not me." Yanked back into his lap, he refuses to let Cupcake leave him.
"Come on, let's not do this right now. If you want me to feel better— then give me kisses, I could really use that right now."
Long lashes that complement her soft features makes him chuckle as her sassy eye roll makes his heart skip a beat.
Her left hand is pressed against his chest as the rock on her ring finger glimmers beneath this evening's light, her right hand fits against his chiseled jawline like a needle fits a groove, and together they lean into a kiss so intimate that it almost always leads to something more.
Except tonight..."God! Your lips taste like liquor! Don't tell me you went to the bar right from the ER?"
Johnny sighs, now blue-balled by her lips. "Who cares? It's the cheapest form of medicine."
...
Disappointment fills her expression.
Cupcake watches Johnny fling an arm around his head as he eases comfortably into the cushions of the couch— uncaring to the amount of discarded beer cans beneath him being that once his friends get here, it'll only be a small percentage to the amount that they'll add to it on the floor... it's as if their home was nothing but a dumpster. "I— I can't."
So used to his wife storming off after he's found a way to piss her off, Johnny ignores her weight lifted from his lap until he hears the sound of her purse and the jingle of her keys.
"Baby?" His eyes suddenly fling open. "Come on now, where you going!?"
"I'm done. The ring on my finger doesn't mean I signed up to watch you kill yourself doing stupid stunts. I mean it, Johnny. I can't keep worrying sick about you every time you're on set!"
"I said I'm fine!!!" Dirty black converses hit the ground as Johnny hops up from the pillows for a needed cold one from the fridge.
"I mean, fuck— this conversation is giving me a bigger goddamn headache than being trampled by the bull."
"You're immature." Arms crossed as she nears the front door, Cupcake turns once more to scorn him. "Look at this place, I can't do it anymore!!
You treat our home like a fucking frat house!!! All the beer cans, people running in and out of here, drug paraphernalia scattered all over the table...
And the nerve of you to get sappy at night— talking about wanting to start a family...
You, Bam, Steve-O, and all the rest of you Jackasses are well past thirty-five and still acting like fucking children. What? Should I do it all alone? Raise babies as well as YOU!?"
"Oh jeez." He makes light of the situation, "poor Cupcake, her house in LA is too big, she hasn't worked a day in her life, she spends the week swiping her husband's credit card at every fucking boutique in Cali, her life is just sooo hard!!! She even has to pick up a beer can or two, whoopty-fucking-doo!!!"
Her Juicy Couture handbag is suddenly swung, knocking down a pyramid of bud light cans. "DOES THAT LOOK LIKE ONE OR TWO!?"
...
"That— That was fucking art."
Whether it be his arrogance, immaturity, or the concussion talking, Johnny refuses to take anything seriously. "You don't know how long it took me and the fellas to put that together."
Back on the couch, his feet are kicked up and comfortable once again...
Usually folding around this time of their arguments, instead, tonight Cupcake wipes the black tear strains of mascara from the apples of her cheeks.
"Me, or Jackass?"
"Don't do that."
As if fear had actually entered the chest of the hardheaded brown-eyed man, suddenly unsettled, Johnny sits up as his jaw ticks with worry.
"You promised you would never be that girl— You would never give me an ultimatum between you and the crew."
She scoffs, in disbelief of how he talks about the guys as if it's them on their knees sucking him off nightly.
"I wish I didn't have to.
But there's only so much I can take... Seventeen concussions, twenty broken bones, brain hemorrhages, a torn urethra, herniated discs, hundreds of crutches in our garage, and your eye has had to be popped back into your socket twice for Christ sake!"
The ultimatum weighs on him heavily tonight to the point of it inflicting heartache— an injury much worse than any other he's gotten from one of Jackass' amateur stunts.
"You're not a teenager anymore, Jackass is going to kill you and you are far too bright of a star to let this be the end of your career... What about all of the scripts your agent has lined up for you? The Ringer, Nature Calls, Bad Grandpa?
You're gonna have to come to a point where something means more to you than just partying, skateboarding, and your friends."
"Enough about my friends!" He argues, "Baby, I'm my own man, if I've made a bad call— then that's on me! Not them. I don't get why you're doing this tonight, I'm not just going to leave behind the people that got us here... So please, quit!
If this is about not answering your calls today and making you worried then— I don't fuckin know, my bad!!! I'm sorry!!! Okay? Christ, fuck."
Silenced in absolute disbelief, Cupcake watches Johnny turn on his phone, a blackberry with missing text-keys— smashed from being in his pocket with him during every single stupid fucking stunt. "Who are you calling?"
"All these damn missed calls, good grief woman."Through his voicemail, Johnny completely skips over the messages of his frantic wife, stopping instead on a message from Wee Man, Bam, and Chris..
"Where you at fucker!!?!? Haha, probably still at the hospital, aren't you pussy!"
The voicemail is filled with burly obnoxious laughter of men who act the size of their shoes instead of their actual ages...
Cupcake stares in disbelief as her husband has the audacity to laugh at the message, as if the men on the phone are the only ones capable of bringing a smile to his face.
"Don't tell us you got another concussion! Letting a bull drag its nuts across your head! Ahhhh just fucking with you bro! Gonna see you soon, will wait till Cupcake finishes chewing your ass out and then we'll come by the crib with a couple cases of cold ones. Steve-O will be coming a little late, he's trying to score us some fucking dank Pineapple Express.Call us back fucker!! Let us know when to come by... Peace, love ya bro."
"Those guys are insane." He chuckles, "they sound already fucking wasted too. Hey muffin, you think we got any more of those frozen fish-sticks you can heat up? I'm sure they're gonna be buzzed and hungry already."
Grinning with excitement, Johnny reaches for another beer, already double-fisting two drinks in the first hour of being home.
As if her complaints mean nothing... he has already forgotten her sorrow as he awaits his next cheap thrill.
"When are they not wasted or buzzed, Johnny? I can't believe you have so little respect for me, that you would actually let grown ass men be around me like that...
Then have the nerve to be upset when something happens like Steve-O trying to kiss me again.
If he was never here, then maybe he can't try anything on me!"
.
.
.
As if a record had been scratched, Johnny's happy mood takes an immediate turn.
"Steve-O did what?"
"See, if you weren't always drinking I'm sure you would've remembered."
Although she has a point, Cupcake couldn't be more wrong...
Being wasted has been the cause of misplacing many things for Johnny, his keys, his phone, even waking up to one of his molars missing!— But hearing that someone had messed with his wife? Even being knocked out cold couldn't keep him from not remembering that.
And out of all people, who worse could it have been, than it being Steve-O...
Closer than blood brothers, it hurts Johnny the most to hear that about him... But, at the same time it doesn't surprise him at all.
Three years ago at the 2004's MTV Awards, Steve-O and Johnny had their eyes locked on the very same prize. At the after party, the two were loaded on coke— but still not high enough to mistake a once in a lifetime beauty like Cupcake. Timbaland had won an MTV award for a hit song, as did the crew of Jackass for best picture.
The music video for his song starred many celebrities, but none as memorable as Cupcake as the video's vixen...
Throughout the night, and weeks to come, both Johnny and Steve-O had fallen for her— and with Cupcake's heart of gold, she had begun to fall for them too.
The decision for her came easy, however...
Johnny's way of speaking about a future for themselves and Steve-O's outlandish need for partying and having multiple women, it made her choice in a husband undeniable...
But hearing that after years, his own friend has backstabbed him with advances towards his wife, Johnny isn't sure if his friends can be trusted after all... now even unsure if Cupcake is still happy with the choice in husband she made.
Suddenly a look of guilt crosses his wife's face...
She can't recall if this is something they once spoke about or not, being that most nights are spent in heated conversations like this anyways.
"Just forget it."
"Fuck that."
Her eyes widen...
Her sight of Johnny stretches upwards as he overshadows her with his height, now standing barely an inch from her.
"When did it happen?"
She realizes how terrible of a mistake she has made... Now remembering that she had kept this a secret for so long, fearing that she would be blamed as the reason for their friendship falling out in the media.
"Nothing happened.
Your friends are sooo innocent, aren't they?"
Her wrist is suddenly grabbed, keeping her from walking away from the mess that she has made.
"He kissed you, Cupcake? He kissed you, and you never told me?"
Attempting to yank away, her wrist only jingles the bangles and charm bracelets down her arm... with Johnny's hand so tightly wrapped around her, his weight begins to feel like a ball and chain.
"It would have just been another fight." She promises, "I handled it."
"When was it, where was it, and where the fuck was I?"
...
Defiant as ever, her nostrils flare with rage.
"SPEAK."
His tone makes the woman before him tremble.
"Here!"
Out with it, Cupcake finally tells it all.
"It was here, so what? A month or so ago...
You were ripping a bong with the guys and Steve-O asked if I needed help cleaning in the kitchen—"
"That fucking snake." He cuts sharply. "Probably was his weed, getting us high, all while he chats up my girl."
"At first it was friendly, I hadn't noticed he was so wasted. He held the trash bag open for me, carried some of the heavier items, and we shared a few laughs while taking it to the curb.
The first kiss, it caught me off guard—"
"THE FIRST KISS?!" Johnny interrupts, "as in there were more than one?!"
"Do you ever shut up!?"
Cupcake finally snatches her wrist back, "the second time— he only tried it. I stopped him with a shove. He apologized, and he said that he was wasted...
I told him that he needed to leave and he did— well, right after he confessed how much he wished that I had chosen him over you."
...
"Do you?"
"Do I what? Wish that I chose him?" She watches her husband become so worked up, that the vein pulsing from his forehead brings her worry about his most recent concussion.
"Would I still be here?"
Hand in hand as they walk to the freezer, Cupcake smacks a bag of frozen peas onto his bruised face.
"I dunno Cupcake... You tell me! First you try to leave me tonight, and now you tell me about other men kissing on you."
"If I were to leave you for another man, do you truly think it would be for another idiot from Jackass?"
Leaning against the counter of their kitchen's island, Johnny scoots lower for his wife to adjust the frozen peas on his eye-socket and forehead.
"Except Wee Man..." She teases, "you know I always had a thing for how much of a sweetheart he is."
Beginning to laugh too hard, Johnny hisses as the frigid bag of peas bite into his bruised flesh. He takes the bag from his head, tossing it a bit in his hand as Cupcake watches the quiet man bite his lip in a deep thought...
"That night we met, the '04 after party... Why did you choose me? And I don't mean why didn't you choose me or Steve-O.
What I mean is, that club was filled with ballers, rappers, producers, actors... And you— well you are you, any man in that room would've been richer than gold with your number in their palm-pilot, but somehow I won. Somehow you chose me. Why?"
Cupcake shrugs, leaning into the chest of her man as Johnny's arms nearly double around her waist.
"You don't give yourself hardly enough credit.
That night, I could've went home with any media mogul as you put it, but when I reminisced about meeting you— I felt stupid for the way I blushed and smiled.
All of you Hollywood guys are flashy— doing the right things only when people are looking... But when you left the club that night— you stopped and autographed at least the back of ten little kids' skateboards, while the rest of your team had already gotten into the limo with girls on each arm...
You're hardworking, admirable, and kind.
Johnny Knoxville you are genuinely good.
A man I was excited to be with, and still am... But, I think that you don't see yourself as I do.
I think that you're stuck in a place between the future and the past, maybe even a little scared of what could be next...
I thought that with me being here with you during each step of the way, that maybe it would make it easier for you. But Johnny, even I can't wait forever— I can't live your life for you, only my own, and I damn sure can't make decisions for you."
For just a moment spent quietly in each other's arms in their own home, Johnny comes to the realization of just how much of his entire world is right here in his grasp.
Foolishly almost letting her walk out of the door tonight, he cringes at the thought of choosing alcohol and bud over something so precious to him.
Far too taken for granted, he can't understand why Cupcake hadn't tried to leave him sooner.
The tune of his cellphone turning off ends their quiet moment of reflection. "You and that damn phone always dying, here, I think I have your charger in my purse."
Taking her by the hand, Johnny ends the rummaging through her bag. "Not dead, just off. The fellas— they'll wait."
...
Suddenly put first, Cupcake's blank stare is an awed disbelief of what is happening before her.
An argument in which she has finally won... if she knew it only took kissing one of his friends, she would've kissed the whole cast by now.
"Is this the concussion talking?"
"Just me." He smiles, "I owe you the biggest apology— and the life that I promised you. No more partying, no more Jackass, and no more beer-can towers.
I love you, I choose you, I'm an absolute idiot."
Johnny's hand— wide and tough with thick calluses gently cuffs the back of Cupcake's neck, slowly he tilts her head backwards, watching her lashes flutter shut as he plants a tongue kiss against her glossed lips that could make time stand still...
His freehand eases to the small of her back, soon gripping a handful of her ample thickness barely contained by the thin fabric of her Victoria's Secret capris.
"Hmm... Did Steve-O's kiss go something like that?"
Jealous and possessive, he taunts his woman as he notices her ways of melting beneath his touch.
"Maybe you preferred his, hm? Maybe I'll stop—"
"Don't."
Cupcake's whisper against his lips comes out as a needy plea— aiding in Johnny's cruel yet handsome smile as her kiss is felt against his teeth.
His kiss is felt at the tip of her nose, moving slowly across her cheek, jawline, and finding her neck as his tongue leaves a soft bruise against her tawny flesh.
Too proud to beg for what she wants, Cupcake has always been the type who can't help but show her cravings through a doll-like glassed over look in her eyes... that same ol' ditsy stare, arch in her back, and tremble with each inhale she takes.
"Take my shirt off."
Her fingers race to the seams of his Ed Hardy tee. "Pants too."
She stutters as she rushes to his leather belt, fumbling with its large metal buckle as if she were being timed... But she needn't not to rush, there isn't anywhere in the whole world Johnny would rather be.
His baggy jeans finally find their way from the stride of his sturdy legs— kicking each sneaker off one by one as he strips Cupcake out of her teasingly skimpy wardrobe... always so much quicker than his.
Together they leave a trail of clothes behind them, breadcrumbs towards the bedroom as Cupcake becomes absolutely bare against their kingsize bed while Johnny drags her thong down the length of her legs with his teeth.
His kisses pelt across the skin of her belly, never missing her belly-button piercing as the diamond Playboy Bunny gem is flicked by his tongue.
"Mine."
His indeed, but her mind forgets to say it as it becomes mush from a tongue swipe through Cupcakes slick core.
"Say it."
Catching her breath as her legs are thrown across the tatted skin of his tan shoulders, she answers with haste, wanting more attention exactly where he is. "Yours!"
His lips curl around her needy bud, suckling her flesh and making it tender as it throbs. She grips the sheets beneath her as her spine arches from the bed, eyes squeezing shut tightly as her husband devours and cherishes this week's fresh wax. "Shit! Johnny!"
Her coo feeds his arrogance, only adding to his fervor as his indenting fingertips hold her buxom thighs further apart from crashing against his already concussed skull.
Sloppy and sporadic as Cupcake's manicure combs through and grips his brunette strands, he makes sure that whatever kiss she may get in the future or have gotten in her past— it could never amount to the one he is giving her below.
The lolling of his tongue is skilled and precise, knowing where to breathe, suck, and swallow— he watches Cupcake frantic with euphoria, reaching towards her chest as the tips of his fingers knead against her full breasts. "I'll cum! Slow down— fuck, please!"Her squeals and cries make him ache against his boxers, but to prove his word— he'll ache for his until the love of his life surely gets as many of hers as she possibly can.
Worked up from a squirt that has left a puddle beneath them, Cupcake's knees begin to quake as her teeth nearly bite through the hold she has on her own bottom lip. Flushed with a healthy glow and stunning amount of apple-red blushed cheeks, Johnny adores her from below— pupils bursting at the sight of her as he watches her expressions of gratitude over the hill-like globes on her chest.
His chin drips with her joy, watching her crash over once more as her moan becomes muted from a captured soul.
He hurries against her body, pinning her beneath him as he makes Cupcake taste herself against his tongue. Barely able to cuff his tender girth with his own hand, Johnny has ached to be bedded in her heat for half an hour now... He eases into her properly prepared flesh like a hot knife through butter. His eyes roll to the back of his head, slowly working his hips— he wishes to not waste this nut so quickly, needing to milk every second of this makeup sex as long as he can. "Fuck, this pussy is good..."
Her fingertips outline each detail of muscle in his arms and shoulders, feeling them tense and tighten with each pump inside of her.
Calming his stress with her touch is her specialty, she intwines her fingers with his, and kisses the thumb of his left hand.
Johnny's eyebrows unfurl, his right hand becomes occupied with a grip to Cupcake's waist, now eye to eye with full hands as his sweet girl holds one and the other is used as traction to obliterate this pussy.
Encouraged to do so, each deep stroke becomes timed and repeated with everything that he has. Grunting and succumbing to her sweetly warm breaths against the skin of his lips.
Weakened by the way her body clenches around his length, he becomes shortsighted and dumb with lust.
Overjoyed yet annoyed with how wrapped around her finger this woman has him.
"I'll be better." He promises, "I swear to you, I will..." Johnny's grasp suddenly finds the circumference of Cupcake's throat— squeezing her windpipe just enough that her body gives in. "But I swear if you ever keep something from me again, I can get much worse." Her core quakes around him through a lasting orgasm, the threat mocks her self respect, yet it fulfills her every desire of belonging to him at the same time.
The feeling of Cupcake coming undone while still so deeply penetrated makes her husband immediately spill his load, crashing the rest of his weight onto her petite frame with a climax that finishes him alongside her.
Filled to her limit, the promise of a family may come sooner than expected... Call it a baby trap, call it laying a claim— call it a reminder for whichever of his dickhead friends ever dare try something on her again.
For a check... Johnny Knoxville will eat things gross and diabolical, be chased by the most dangerously endangered animals in the entire world, be poked, prodded, electrocuted, and will break every bone in his body— but when it comes to his Cupcake, no amount in the world could ever be worth losing her.
Ready to grow up, he's willing to switch over to the other movie roles promised by his agent— and when it comes to his friends, as they all continue to age and become far more fragile than they ever have been before, all he can hope is that they will understand his reason to retire.
"Lay down with me."Voice honeyed from satisfaction, all Cupcake wants is to be cuddled to sleep.
Johnny kisses her forehead, placing her at the top of the bed as she comfortably wraps her tired arms around one of her twenty plush pillows.
"Can't sleep honey, remember?
This ain't our first rodeo, gotta stay up for twenty-four hours after a concussion— doctor's orders."
"Oh that's right... well, then what are you going to do?"
Eyes heavy as sleep takes her, Cupcake still can't help but to be the lady in charge.
He chuckles, "we've got plans don't we? Just gotta make a few calls tonight—my agent and some maintenance guys to get this house squeaky clean, yeah? Get your rest baby— I'm not going anywhere."
Sealing his wife's sleep with a kiss on her lips, Johnny hits the lights and finds himself headed down the hallway, searching for each article of his thrown clothes.
He stumbles as he places them on, every piece that he passes, one by one.
Finally dressed as he shuts the front door of the house behind him, he skips down the stairs like a man renewed and rejuvenated from Heaven sent sex— but as his phone turns on again, it isn't his agent's number that is dialed, no maintenance men either...
"Yo, Steve-O!"
His call is suddenly answered by his ex-friend on the other end. "Where ya at buddy? I'd like to run a few things by you..."
