A day at a time
Author’s note(s): Heeey nice to be here for the first time posting and not just reading hahah. well i wrote this for a friend, but i thought it end up too good to keep it for ourselfs so i’m posting ^^
Warning(s): this tale talks a bit about depression, feel free to avoid it if u are sensitive.
Genre: fluff, angst
Words: 1.1k
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Depression; a noun, loss or diminution of interest and pleasure in life, generating anguish and prostration, sometimes without obvious reason. A common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act, better known as the illness of the century.
That's the definition of what I have. Many people wouldn’t believe that I have this illness since I have an amazing job and live a perfect happy life with my now to become husband Jackson. Well... it was a shock for me too! I was always down and those bad thoughts were always crossing through my mind but I always have been a pessimistic person so I didn’t take it too seriously. With time it was getting worse, had been days that my body felt like it was stuck in bed and not even jack could make me get out of it. I just wanted to stay home and sometimes spend the whole evening crying for apparently no reason and with my brain always making sure to remember me the things I had to do, my deadlines, the calls I've been avoiding from my boss, my family and Jack.
The days when I woke up willingly were getting scarce. But the day that was the ultimatum for me to start my treatment was when Jack came back home from a tour, he was so happy to see me and I would be to... but I couldn’t feel anything... joy, anger, sadness I wasn’t felling any type of emotion, it made me rethink my decision to marry him. The man that I loved for 6 years and was going to marry. What type of wife I would’ve become? Always down, procrastinating, with not even a hint of willpower longing in this body. What use would I be for him? He's going to be a lot better off without me.
We went to dinner this day; I put on the best smile I could to make him happy, even though I wasn’t feeling in the mood for it. That made me realise I needed to free him from myself. I couldn’t make him stay just because I'm sick; it’s not his fault that I'm like this. And that’s what I did, told him that I couldn’t stay with him any longer. That this would ruin us and that I didn’t want him to suffer for me. And after all that discussion I almost gave up on my life. If it wasn’t for him to take me to the hospital on the right time I wouldn’t even be here. But I couldn’t stand neither the pity in his eyes when I woke up in the next morning nor his calls during his trips to make sure I was still alive. This is not the type of life I want for him. We went home after that and I tried again to end what we had but when I finished talking, he was so astonished, we fought again and that day end up with both of us crying.
Since that I've been avoiding him, I started my treatment but it was too early to see a difference, I missed jack so much. But I couldn’t reach out to him since the mess I’ve done a month ago.
Today was holyday so I stayed home bind watching some series but my thoughts were always going back to Jackson. In the middle of the scene were Sherlock finally found who were Moriarty, I heard a knock on the door. I went to check who interrupted me in the middle of this epic confrontation and angrily opened the door but all my rage was soon gone when I saw him.
"Jack... What are you doing here?”
"I came to see you...did I do wrong?” he was so gorgeous standing there with nothing but his beautiful smile on his face.
“No, I'm just... surprised” I said giving him place to come in. I didn’t get what was going on but was kind of happy to see him after all.
“I know I didn’t say I was coming but... I was near so I thought we could... talk”
“Sure” I sited and invited him to do the same “what do you want to talk about?”
“Us” I froze when he said that, a month ago I would confront him saying my decision was right but right now seeing his face that I missed so much I didn’t have a clue of what to do. He kept on staring at my eyes, maybe trying to see what reaction I’d have. But my mind was black and so were my face. “I want to make things right, I wanna be useful to you!” he sighted seeing i was confused.
“What I mean is that I may not be able to understand how you feel now but I want to help...”
“And how can you help me?”
“I don’t know maybe I can...” he was saying but couldn’t end the sentence.
“Look, Jack... I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you’re just as clueless as I am. I freed you so you don’t have to take this burden with you. So why do you still care so much?”
“BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPORTANT FOR ME! Your life is important for me and i want to be part of it... This is not a burden and most importantly YOU are not a burden for me” he looked so frustrated while saying it, like he was trying to put some sense into a rock. I felt bad for making him feel this way and that was the reason why I wanted to end this from the beginning. We went silent for a moment but after some time he hold my chin and smiled at me while rubbing my checks.
“I understand you’re going through a though moment but I just want you to understand you don’t have to do this alone!” I were going to say more but he stopped me “I love you Y/N, if I were in your place wouldn’t you do the same?” I nodded too embarrassed to say a word.
“I known you would” he smiled at me while hugging me through my waist. “You’re not alone in this my angel, I'm here with you. So, can you please stop pushing me away and let me help you?” So I kissed him, that was my answer. He was right after all. Being alone in this situation won’t help, I need somebody that is open to understand what I’m going through, respect my limits and help and motivate me to pass through this. And there’s no one better than Jack to do this for me. And he coming here after all the things I’ve said to him was more than a proof.
“One day at a time honey, we can do this!”
