may i request legoshi, jack, and louis reacting to a hare that isn't able to feel fear? (they have an inherited genetic disease that caused the brain damage in early childhood that removed their ability to feel fear)
You got it 👍
-Maeve
Legoshi
Worries about you constantly
He tries to be by your side everywhere
Probably give you a well written list of things that should be considered dangerous, so if you were to find yourself in 'x' situation, you're going to need to call him
Has regular check ins with you 'text me when you get home!'
If you forget, and don't, he's going to show up
Jack
If Legoshi worries, he has NOTHING on Jack's level of anxiety
Jack is not confrontational, it's not in his nature, but protective? He can do that. Labs are sweet by nature, but if you think Jack wouldn't square up against someone twice his size if it meant protecting you, you are WRONG!
Like Legoshi, gives you examples of what you should be nervous about. Even if you don't feel nervous, call Jack and ask if you should be worried
Never tries to 'fix' you, you're perfect the way you are Honestly, having you be so self assured makes Jack feel more at ease.
Louis
Signs you up for self defense classes. He hopes you never have to use them, but if you do, you'll be prepared
Honestly, he worries, but is shit at showing it
He will probably scold you if you do anything dangerous and don't feel the fear. Fear is a good indicator not to do something that could hurt/cause harm to you. He worries.
You knock on the door and hear the muffled “Come in,” from the other side. Quietly, because you do everything quietly, you slip into the room to see Captain Jack Harkness right there - feet away...and yet you feel a million miles away from all humanity. Maybe it’s a good thing Jack isn’t exactly human.
You stand there, just inside the room watching him as he packs, shuffling weapons and vials of things you could name but would rather not.
You know those hands,, those eyes, that jawline, that chest. He only glances at you when you first entered, focused on his task and you wonder if he forgot about you, something so many others have done.
“Jack,” you say softly.
“Yeah?” he replies instantly, stuffing an extra shirt into the bag.
“I need a hug.”
Four words. Not the typical three words that are shared between couples but they show a vulnerability that give it just as much meaning as those words. Perhaps even more meaningful, because there weren’t countless songs using these words, nor were they used in passing or as a goodbye.
The last word slips from your lips and Jack turns immediately toward you. He sees you standing there, so small compared to him, and doesn’t hesitate. Silently he strides toward you before wrapping his arms around you. He pulls your head against his chest as he squeezes you gently, your arms around him as well now, under the ever-present coat. Your world shrinks to the feel of his pressed shirt against your cheek, the smell of soap and aftershave, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear. He breathes out softly over your hair and skin. You stand there enveloped in his arms and the weight in your chest lifts a little.
The circulation bell chimed, cutting through the peaceful morning.
“Newsies! Time to get up!” You called out as you exited the washroom, smoothing out your dress.
Some boys popped right out of bed and started getting ready for the day while others grumbled and were slower to rise.
It was like that most days. Each boy had their own routine and as long as they got out of the lodge in time, that’s all you could ask for.
It was utter chaos when everyone was up though. Boys were scrambling to get into the washroom to bath and freshen up and others were getting dressed, the housing lodge not terribly big when with all the newsies inside at once.
“Come on Albert, get up.” You said, sitting on the edge of his bed and rubbing your hand up and down his back.
Albert moaned and opened his eyes.
“I was having the most wonderful dream. A large steak, cooked to perfection.” Albert said, scrunching his eyebrows together.
“You’ll have time to dream later, you got work to do.” You said, standing up and moved across the room.
You walked over to another boy who always took forever to get up, Romeo.
“Romeo, wake up lazybones!” You said, patting his cheek.
His hand shot up from under the covers and grabbed yours to hold it to his face.
“How’d you get so beautiful this early in the morning, [Y/N]?” He said, eyes still half closed but looking at you.
You leaned in real close, smiling. Romeo’s eyes widened and he started to lean in as well.
“I got out of bed on time.” You whispered and pulled away. Romeo pulled a face and rolled over in his bunk.
“Here Tommy Boy, I fixed your sock.” You said and pulled his sock out of your dress pocket, having mended it the night before.
“Thanks!” Tommy Boy said, happy to not have a large hole on the heel anymore.
“[Y/N] have you seen my cigar?” Race asked. He was crouched over, looking under his bed.
“And my shoe?” Kid Blink called.
“Blink, I’ll help you look for your shoe in a second,” you said with a smile, “Race you always end up stashing them in between your mattress and bed frame when you’re half asleep. Just put it away before you go to bed.”
“No can do.” Race said, pulling out his cigar from where you said it would be and sticking it in his mouth.
“Boys, you have about 10 more minutes before the papers are distributed.” You called out to the room as a whole.
“[Y/N]! The water’s freezing in here!” Elmer said, sticking his head out from the washroom’s door.
“It would have been warm if you had gotten up on time.” You said with a laugh.
“I hope the headlines are better today.” You overheard Mush complaining to Specs “This whole trolley thing is boring, and no one is interested anymore.”
“Matter’s to the workers,” Specs said, adjusting his suspenders.
Mush grumbled a reply.
“Don’t forget its laundry tonight for…” You pulled out a small piece of paper you kept in one of your dress pockets and read off from the laundry list. “Finch, JoJo, and Buttons.”
Buttons saluted you and the other two made noises of acknowledgment.
As Smalls ran by, Blink’s shoe in hand, waving it above his head, you grabbed it from him. Smalls let out a noise of disappointed but went back to getting ready.
“Blink!” You called out.
The newsie looked over at you and easily caught the shoe when you tossed it to him.
“Are you gonna meet us for lunch today?” Crutchie asked, buttoning his shirt.
“Yeah! You know I love Jacobi’s, wouldn’t miss it.” You replied, placing Mush’s cap on his head that you had found on the other side of the room.
Newsies rushed past you, still trying to get ready for the day on time, while you remade everyone’s bed, tucking covers back in and fluffing pillows.
“Can someone go make sure Jack is up. He’s usually down here by-” You started but stopped when you heard a heavy weight hit the floor. You turned over your shoulder to see that Jack had just come in from the fire escape through the window.
Jack glanced at you but quickly turned away, straightening his vest.
You weren’t really sure why it seemed like Jack didn’t like you. Maybe because you weren’t a boy, maybe because he didn’t think you were useful, there was no way of knowing with him.
Jack did let you sleep on his bunk since he claimed to only ever sleep in his penthouse anyway, but he still seemed reluctant to like you at all.
“Okay boys, you gotta leave now.” You said and soon there was a flurry of bodies heading towards. It was a mad dash to be at The World in time, all wanting to see the headline for the day.
As boys passed, they each gave you a quick wave or hug as a goodbye. Jack was the only boy to do neither.
You shook your head, turning your thought back to the rest of the gang and smiled fondly. You made yourself useful and started picking up discarded towels left over from the boys bathing.
-
You had first arrived at the newsies lodging house when you heard it was really the only safe place for a kid to live. You had run away from home about a week before with no money and desperately needed somewhere to stay.
You knew staying on the streets for too long meant that you might be thrown into the Refuge.
You arrived at the lodgings in the early evenings with only yourself and a small suitcase. You knocked on the door and waited.
You heard nothing for a moment than thumps and crashed from inside like stampeding elephants.
The door slowly crept open and you found dozens of eyeballs staring back at you from the doorway.
“Hi.” You said shyly, not really prepared for this at all.
The boys all wore confused expressions. They never got house calls except for the landlord, looking for rent money. They had never had someone come and knock on their door, and they had never had a girl come to see them.
“What, uh, what can we do for ya?” One of the boys asked
“If yous gots a problem with your edition, take it up with The World.” Another boy said, laughing. A few other boys join in.
“No, no, I was…looking for some place to stay, actually.”
“What?” A few boys asked, the confusion only growing more.
“I ran away from home and…I heard this was somewhere safe for kids to stay who were working. I need to make money and some place to sleep so…here I am.” You explained, knowing your face was turning red.
“Someone go get Jack.” A boy with a crutch under his arm said.
You were invited in and several candles were lit. Soon you were greeted by what seemed to be the newsies leader.
“Hello…who is this?” Jack asked the other boys, looking you up and down.
“Says she ran away from home.”
“Needs a job.”
“Wants to stay here.”
Jack looked at you with a face full of skepticism. “Yous wants to live here with a bunch of stinkin’ boys?”
You looked out of place. A nice dress, styled hair.
“I need a job, you’re all newsies, right?.” You said, trying to sound confident.
“Sorry kid, yous in the wrong place. Goils ain’t newsies.”
“Please, they turned me away at the other workhouses that I could find. I’ll do anything. I’ll cut my hair off and wear trousers or -”
“First off, the hairs not your problem, you got too many other,” Jack paused for a moment “attributes that make you distinguishable from a boy. People don’t wanna buy from no goil. Also, girls ain’t allowed in this lodging house. We could all get kicked out if the landlord finds you here.”
“Please, I don’t have anywhere else to go. This was my only chance. I’ll end up in the Refuge or somewhere worse if I can’t stay here.” You pleaded, eyes watering, knowing you sounded desperate but unable to do anything about it.
Jack glanced at the rest of the boys and your eyes followed. The boys looked at one another before nodding at Jack.
“Alright, alright, you can stay. But no funny business and you got to earn your keep.” Jack said.
“Earn my keep?” You asked
“Yeah, until you have a job to pay rent, you has to earn your stay here!”
For a moment you thought about the fact that the landlord not knowing you were living here meant you wouldn’t need to pay rent, but you were desperate for the boys to stay so you were willing to go along with just about anything.
“How do you propose I do that?” You asked, furrowing your brows.
“Well…uh…you could…” Jack scratched the back of his head “keep this place clean?”
You looked around the room and noticed how messy it really was. Cobwebs in the corners, dust on the walls and floors, items scattered all over the floor, and you really did not want to see the inside of the washroom.
“What do you say? Take on the womanly duties of the house?” Jack asked before spitting into his hand and offering it to you.
Did you really have a choice? It was embarrassing to have to be a maid to a large group of teenage boys, but you really didn’t have any other choice.
You spit into your own hand and took Jack’s.
“Deal.” You said.
The newsies broke off into small groups, excitedly talking. Most likely about you.
A girl, living with a group of boys? It was scandalous. It was unheard of. Of course, it would be the other thing they could talk about.
You realized that your hand was still in Jack’s and you quickly pulled away. It seemed like Jack barely noticed as he turned and started heading towards a window.
“All right, now get back to bed, all of ya,” Jack said and, giving you one last brief look, opened the window and climbed onto the fire escape.
You watched him go, a little entranced, until a hand landed on your shoulder, startling you out of it.
“Hi, name’s Crutchie.” A boy with golden hair said with an inviting smile.
“I’m [Y/N].” You replied, with a shy smile.
“Let me show you were the empty bed is you can have.”
Crutchie led you over to the bunk in a far corner of the room as the rest of the boys scrawled back into their beds.
“Here, let me take that from you,” He said, offering his hand out to take your suitcase.
You hesitated and Crutchie smiled again.
“Don’t worry, newsie code; We don’t take or mess with each other’s stuff,” Crutchie explained.
“Yeah, except for when Albert takes my cigar,” A boy said from somewhere in the room.
“Aaaah shut it,” Another one said, and a loud smack was heard.
The first boy let out a small shriek and muffled laughter could be heard around the room.
You cautiously handed your bag over and Crutchie slid it under the bottom bunk.
“Take the top bunk, I can’t get up there myself, not with this leg.”
You nodded and watched Crutchie sit down and start to get settled down into bed.
“Crutchie” you whispered.
“Yeah?” He asked and sat back up.
“I need to…” you struggled for the right word “change.”
Crutchie quirked his eyebrow for a moment before realization came over his face.
“The wash closet is right over there. I’ll wait outside the door and make sure no one bothers you.” He said with a reassuring smile. He grabbed his crutch and the blanket off his bed before leading you to the bathroom.
As soon as you were in you washed your face, relieved yourself, then undressed down to your undergarments. Once you were done you cracked open the door.
Crutchie turned around towards you, eyes deliberately locked on the ceiling and offered you his blanket. You wrapped it around yourself and Crutchie ordered everyone to blow out their candles. It was pitch black in the room.
“Gimme your arm, I’ll lead you back to the bunk.”
After a few tries, you laced arms and were soon back at the beds, despite a few trips.
“Do you need any help getting up?” Crutchie whispered
“If you wouldn’t mind…”
Crutchie had you up on the bed in no time, thanks to him letting you use his intertwined hands as a step. You passed his blanket back to him and you both lay down on your thin mattresses.
“Crutchie?” You asked again
You heard him stand back up, “Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“It’s no problem. I know what it’s like to be someone that people always look at and talk.” He whispered before lying back down on his bed.
You smiled, glad to have one friend in a house full of strangers and closed your eyes to sleep.
-
It took you about a week of cleaning to get the place almost remotely livable by your standards. It was hard since every day the newsies would come home and, unintentionally, undo some the hard work you had done.
You couldn’t blame them. They worked long, hard hours in all kind of weather conditions and a lot of the time all they wanted to do when they got off work was come home and relax.
Jack never seemed that impressed with you though. You worked hard to try and gain his approval, but he never said anything to you about how much better the place looked.
You scrubbed the washroom toilets and floor so they sparkled. You cleaned and polished all the newsies shoes. You did the laundry for each boy at least once a week and would get up earlier than everyone to boil hot water for their bathing. You took care of the boys when they got sick and would run errands for them when they needed it. You swept and dusted and made beds every day. You even sewed curtains for the windows and thicker blankets for the boys for when winter came.
You played mother to all the boys and were really very good at it.
But still, Jack didn’t seem to care. After that initial meeting, he barely spoke to or looked at you. It hurt to be ignored by him. He was kind and funny with the newsies, always joking and smiling with them but as soon as he saw you were around, his joy seemed to die, and he became more reserved or left entirely.
But you really couldn’t seem to do anything about it. So you worked hard so maybe, secretly, he would appreciate all you did.
-
You were sitting on your bed, working on sewing a new blanket for Henry for his birthday, when your stomach started growing. You reached into your pocket and pulled out a small pocket watch to check the time.
You stood up and quickly took off your apron, you had to be at Jacobi’s for lunch in a little bit.
You fixed your hair and straightened out your dress. Just because you lived with a bunch of boys, doesn’t mean you weren’t going to care any less of your appearance. You were still a respectable young lady going out into the world and wanted to appear that way.
The boys had all agreed to give you a few pennies every month so you could get food for yourself, so you made sure you had some in your pockets.
You made your way out of the house and onto the streets of lower Manhattan. Along the way, you investigated the windows of many different shops and admired the fancy items each of them held.
As you got closer to Jacobi’s, you saw all the newsies already inside.
“[Y/N]!” A few newsies called out to you as you walked in the door.
“What happened?” You asked, extremely interested to know why the newsies were in such a good mood today.
“We went on strike, like those trolley workers!” Mush ran up to you laughing. He picked you up and spun you around.
The boys all clambered to tell you what had happened. You listened intently the whole time.
As soon as they finished with the story and everyone decided where they were going to go, they each raced off in different directions to alert other newsies in other parts of the city of the strike
You waved off each of the boys. Both Romeo and Race left kisses on your cheeks before they sped off. You felt eyes on your back and when you turned around you found Jack standing there.
“Brooklynn, huh?” You asked, impressed.
He just turned away and left the restaurant.
You left to head back to the lodgings, interested to hear the news the guys would bring back at the end of the day.
-
The next morning, the energy in the lodging house was high. All the boys dressed quick and were out the door in only a few minutes, all hooting and hollering, ready to go receive their answers from the other newsies and meet up at The World distribution center.
You busied yourself with cleaning up the lodgings and fixing a hole Finch had torn in his blanket. Less of a tear and more of him getting bored and finding loose threads to pull at.
It wasn’t even an hour later when you suddenly had a sinking feeling in your stomach. You had no clue where it came from, but you stopped everything you were doing.
You were out of the house, running straight to The World circulation desk in a matter of minutes.
You ran and ran and ran and a fight was already well underway when you got there. You cried out at the chaos exploding in front of you. The Bulls were beating on your friends and you were terrified.
What if someone got seriously hurt? What if someone died?
You turned your head and saw the Delancey brothers. Morris had his arms locked around Race’s while Oscar was punching him in the gut.
Anger seethed through your veins. You sprinted forward and slammed into Oscar as hard as you could. You both went sprawling to the ground, you on top of Oscar. You quickly stood up and stomped on Oscar’s face with your foot as hard as you could. His body folded in on itself and he held his face, yelling.
You whipped back towards Morris, your hair and dress flying out, teeth bared.
Race was able to escape Morris’ grasped with a jerk of his body. They grabbed at each other, but Race had Morris pinned to a wall in seconds.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Ike asked, running up to you.
“Helping!” You said before kicking Oscar as hard as you could in the side of his ribcage. “No one messes with my newsies.”
You dodged a rouge flying newspaper stack and saw Romeo stumble up to a police officer, looking relieved. He was smacked hard across the face and crumbled right to the ground before you could tell him that the officers weren’t here to help you.
You screamed, but it was cut short by a hand getting tangled in your hair and pulling hard.
You couldn’t see who it was, but they slammed you into a pole. You cried out and suddenly the hand let go. You looked up to see Crutchie crashing his crutch down over Wisele’s head.
You jumped up and suddenly came face to face with a large police officer. He grabbed for you and caught the skirt of your dress in his hands.
You tried to pull away, but the officer wouldn’t let go. You looked around for help, but all the newsies had fled the area.
The police officer sharply pulled at your skirt and you fell to the ground. You struggled to get the man off you, but he started pulling you back by your dress. You managed to flip over and found Crutchie in a similar position as you.
The Delancey’s were dragging him away by his bad leg. You tried to reach for him, but it was no use. You cried out his name, hand still extended like it might work if you tried hard enough, but the officer holding you wouldn’t let go.
Another hand grabbed onto your extended one and pulled hard in the opposite direction of where the officer was taking you. The man lost his grip and went stumbling backward.
You looked up and there was Jack staring down at you.
“C’mon!” He yelled and you jumped up as fast as you could.
-
You both ran out of The World and ran up and down what felt like a dozen alleyways, Jack pulling you along. You didn’t stop until you were safe on top of the lodging house, high above the city on Jack’s penthouse.
Your lungs were screaming at you to breathe and you felt like you were going to collapse from the adrenaline. You wiped sweat from your face and tried to calm your speeding heart.
You looked over at Jack, doubled over, panting.
You coughed, trying to get more air into your lungs and, in a flash, Jack spun around to face you.
“You,” Jack said, turning around with a snarl and pointed finger, “They got Crutchie cause of you!”
“What? Jack, no, I was there to help! I just wanted to help.” You tried to explain in between deep inhales.
“No, no, no, if you hadn’t been there, I would have been able to save Crutchie, but thanks to you those damn Delancey’s got him!”
“Jack, please I-”
“Who do you think you are?” Jack seethed.
“Jack,” His name came out a breath from your mouth.
“YOUS JUST SOME GOIL WHO CAME HERE BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T TAKE LIVING IN SOME RICH FAMILY! THE GUYS DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ANYTHING YOU DO HERE, THE ONLY REASON THEY EVEN WANT YOU AROUND IS TO STARE AT YOU! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” Jack screamed at you.
Your tears poured down your face and your body felt like it was shutting down. He was right and you felt so stupid just now realizing it.
You could tell Jack started talking to you in a calmer tone, but you couldn’t hear any of it. You pushed past him and raced down the fire escape. You flew back through the open window, tears streaming down your face.
The few boys that had made it back to the house already after the fight perked up when they saw the state you were in, but you rushed past them, running straight towards the door.
“[Y/N], stop, what’s going on?” Finch asked you could barely see him through his tears.
“I have to go.” You sobbed, throwing open the door. You gave yourself a moment, to turn back and look at the boys.
“What happened? What’s wrong? Where are you going?” The newsies called out to you, but you couldn’t answer.
You were out the door in a matter of seconds. Running away for the second time from home.
-
You hid in Central Park for two days, not knowing where else to go. You were too scared to face Jack or the other newsies again.
What Jack had said was true. It had to be. Why else would he have said those things?
You were worthless to the newsies and you knew it, you were a burden, just someone they kept you around out of pity or to…gawk at.
You didn’t dare leave to get food in case you ran into one of the boys. You felt sick and weak from not having enough to eat but you powered through somehow.
You didn’t know how you would feel if you ran into one of the newsies selling papers. If they were selling papers.
You had no clue how the strike was going or if that was old news by now.
You were finally able to pull yourself together enough to decide to go see Crutchie in the Refuge. It was his fault you were in there, and you had to go make sure he was okay.
No newsies ever sold anywhere near the Refuge, so you were safe on that end. Being caught by Snyder or a bull was a lot higher of a risk.
You waited until nightfall to make your way to the Refuge. It stood like a prison.
You silently crept up the crisscrossed bars that were attached to every window on the building until you were sure you found the window of the room boys around Crutchie’s age were kept.
A boy was standing at the window when you pulled yourself up. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw you.
“Is Crutchie Morris here?” You whispered, not trying to alarm the boy or anyone else in the room.
He nodded and ran back over to where you saw your friend sitting. Crutchie turned to look at you and smiled brightly. He looked battered and bruised from the fight a few days ago but he managed to hobble over to the window.
“What are you doing here [Y/N]?” He asked.
“I had to see how you are, Crutchie. I’m worried about you.” You said
“I’m alright.” He said with an unsure laugh “You know me, always resilient.”
“I’m sorry this happened, it’s all my fault.” You said, worried you were going to start sobbing.
“What? No, no, it’s not. The ol’ leg just ain’t as fast as it used to be.” Crutchie said, “How are the fellas? All doing okay without me.”
“I don’t know.” You said, looking anywhere but his face. “After the strike…Jack and I…we got into a fight.”
“What?” Crutchie asked.
“I,” You had to take a breath to stop your shaking voice “I left. For good.”
“You left?!” He asked.
All you could do was nod, the pain in your chest feeling ready to burst.
“It was clear he didn’t want me around anymore. Never wanted me around. But I had to come see you.” You said.
“You can’t leave [Y/N]. Wese your family. Yous is ours!” Crutchie said desperately.
“I know but Jack-” Suddenly a voice from down below cut you off.
“Hey! What are you doing up there?!”
You looked over your shoulder and saw a bull about a block away pointing right at you.
“I’m sorry.” You shouted out to Crutchie as you scaled back down the wall.
You jumped down to the ground once you were close enough and took off running before the bull could catch up to you.
You ran through different alleyways and streets, weaving in and out until you were sure you had lost the man who would drag you straight back to the Refuge as a prisoner.
You were looking behind you as you turned another corner and ran smack into a wall. You stumbled back onto the ground.
You rubbed your bottom where you had fallen and looked up at what you had run into. It was the back of a young man.
You froze up at the sight of him. Oscar.
He turned around to look down at you and you saw his brother lean around him to get a look at you too.
Your heart was caught in your throat. You had never come face to face with the brothers before the fight, but you had heard story after story from the newsies about them and their rough behavior.
“You,” Oscar whispered, nostrils flaring.
“Who’s that?” Morris asked.
“The one that belongs to the newsies,” Oscar growled, a dangerous scowl twisting on his face. “The one that nearly broke my nose.”
“What are you doing so far away from your dogs?” Morris said in a sinister voice.
You couldn’t make a sound.
The brothers both lunged at you, each grabbing one of your arms and pulled you up to standing.
“Let go.” You managed to breathe out.
“Oh no, I think you’ll be coming with us.” Morris turned to his brother. “What do you think Oscar, think the Refuge has an opening?”
Oscar let go of your arm and moved his hands onto your waist and started pushing you from behind while Morris roughly pulled on your arm.
“Stop!” You yelled and hastily tried to wiggle out of their grips.
“HELP!” You screamed at the top of your voice “PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP!”
You started to sob and tried to twist your wrist out of Morris’ hold.
“Please!” You begged, “Don’t do this!”
“Hey!” A voice called from the end of the street. You all paused.
You felt relieved and even more scared at the same time. A bull meant no more Delancey brothers, but it still meant the Refuge.
The Delancey’s turned to see who it was.
“Well, well, well,” Oscar said, “look who’s come to collect their garbage. Sorry Kelly, but we’ve already got plans with this one.”
You felt tears trickle down your face as you looked at Jack’s figure standing about 20 feet away.
“Jack.” You whispered.
“Let her go,” Jack said sternly.
“Don’t think so.” Oscar snapped back, motioning to Morris.
Suddenly, Morris picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. The act of your stomach slamming down onto his shoulder knocked the air out of you.
You struggled to breathe and escape. You managed to look over at Jack, he and Oscar were both on the ground, wrestling with each other, punching and grappling.
“Jack.” You tried to wheeze out.
The feeling of not being able to breathe and the lightheadedness from not eating in the past few days mixed with the lack of sleep and the stress from it all finally caught up with you in that one moment.
You promptly fainted over Morris’ arm as he carried you off to the Refuge.
-
You awoke on a lumpy mattress and a thin pillow. There were voices around you and something cold pressed against your face.
Your eyes fluttered open and you woke to the newsies lodging house with all the newsies running around, shouting.
“[Y/N]?” A voice asked. You turned to find Sniper patting a cool rag on your forehead.
“Is this the Refuge?” You asked in a moment of confusion.
All movement and noise in the room immediately stopped and the newsies all gather around the bed you were on.
“Are you alright?” Henry asked.
“You scared us half to death!” Finch cried.
They all started talking at once while your head started spinning.
You raised a hand and the boys fell quiet. You readjusted yourself so you were sitting up more and rubbed your eyes before giving the boys the ok to keep going. Everyone began speaking again.
Your face sprouted a sad smile, feeling horrible that you had even left in the first place but also feeling special that the newsies all seemed to have missed you.
“…And I lost my shoe!” Specs cried as the group fell back into silence.
You laughed a little and tried to clear your throat to apologize but all that came out was a sob.
“Oh [Y/N], come on, don’t do that,” Romeo said, voice wobbling a little.
You looked around at the group, seeing all the boys had watery eyes.
“I’m sorry.” You mouthed and felt tears come falling down your face.
Tommy Boy, who was the closest to your left side, leaned over and hugged you, whispering “Please don’t leave again” into your ear.
Each boy followed suit, giving you a hug and telling you how much they missed you or asking you not to run away again. You nodded along to whatever they said, feeling so guilty.
Mush took an extra-long time, weeping into your shoulder. He really lived up to his nickname of Mushy.
Soon the boys were all sitting or lying on or around your bed, filling you in on all the events that had taken place in the past week.
“And wese having a big gathering today in newsies square. We handed out flyers to every workin’ kid we could find.” Mike said with a large smile.
“And Spot Conlon and the rest of the Brooklynn boys are going to be there! We saw them last night at the rally!” Elmer cried, looking so excited.
“We already said that.” Kid Blink said with a roll of his eye.
“Pulitzer will have to lower the prices after we shut down this city!” Jojo laughed.
“I hope we win.” You said, squeezing both Button’s and Small’s hands.
“We will.” Buttons said, looking very sure. The rest of the newsies all nodded and voiced their approval.
Suddenly, a loud thump came from the other side of the room. Everyone turned their heads to find Jack standing by the window, hands in his pockets and not making eye contact.
The guys all scrambled to get up and quickly exited the room, all looking back at you with worried expressions.
Jack slowly wandered up to your bed, still not looking at you.
He shuffled his feet and pulled his hat off, wringing it between his hands. You had never seen this version of Jack Kelly before, always so loud and brash. Now he looked too nervous to speak.
“I was-” He started “I mean…I didn’t think that…well…I…”
Jack sighed and moved so he was kneeling by your bed, looking extremely guilty, “What I’m trying to say is…I’m sorry.”
He looked up into your eyes finally.
You felt like you were going to burst into tears, you missed Jack so much. He was a part of your home and his presence brought a safeness only he could provide. You started to move your hand in his direction just needing to touch him, if only for a second.
Jack glanced down at your hand and practically threw his arms around your waist, his body sort of collapsing over your lap.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said, face in your lap, “I was wrong, we do needs you. I don’t know what I was thinkin’. We need you, [Y/N].”
You felt relieved and surprised and happy. You rested your hands on his head and shoulder.
“I shouldn’t have run away,” You breathed, brushing your hand over his hair.
Jack straightened back up and let out a shaky breath, “You had every right…after the way I talked to you. Nothing that happened that day was your fault and the boys don’t ever look at you like that. And if they do its only cause yous always lookin’ like an angel and are way too good to be hangin’ out with us newsies that we can’t hardly believe it.”
Jack took your hand slowly, lacing his fingers together with yours. “I don’t know how we survived before you came along. You’re the best thing to ever happen to us.”
You smiled and squeezed his hand.
“The best thing to ever happen to me.” You stared deeply into each other’s eyes.
“And maybe…if I didn’t screw this up too bad and make ya hate me…maybe-”
Abruptly, Jack leaned and gently pressed his lips to yours. You sighed softly and moved up to cup his face, thumbs stroking the apples of his cheeks.
Jack moved up so he was sitting on the bed with you and slide his hands in between your back and the pillow to cradle you gently.
You broke apart from Jack for air. His eyes were half-lidded, and his eyes moved from your lips to your eyes then leaned in for another kiss.
You had never been kissed before, but Jack was full of passion and didn’t seem to want to stop.
“I thought you didn’t like me.” You said resting your forehead on his. “Felt like you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me.”
Jack closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, looking totally blissed out. “No, it wasn’t like that. It’s just…you make me all nervous. You showed up here with your fancy clothes and nice smellin’ hair and it was so obvious you come from money and I didn’t think I’d ever be good enough for you, even if you didn’t just want money. And all the guys are always talkin’ to you and makin’ ya laugh soes I thought you might like one of them. You just seemed too good for me, so I didn’t get my hopes up, but I guess I kinda pushed you away when I did that.”
You grinned and laughed gently.
Jack pecked your lips a few times before bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek.
“Say you’ll come back for good,” Jack whispered against your lips.
“I will,” You breathed into his mouth before he kissed you again.
“Promise?” He asked leaning back enough to stare into your eyes.
You nodded, not able to speak when he looked at you like that.
He moved around so he was leaning against your pillow and your head was resting on his chest. You let out a small noise of pain. Your stomach sore from where Morris’ shoulder had rammed into you.
“What happened with the Delancey’s?” You asked, rubbing your stomach a little.
“Taught them to never mess with you again,” Jack said, kissing your forehead. “Yous one of us now and anyone who messes with you mess with me.”
“What about Crutchie? He’s still in the Refuge, Jack.”
You didn’t mean to make the moment melancholy, but you had to know what Jack was thinking.
“We’re getting him out. Tonight. No matter how the rally strike goes today. Spot and his Brooklynn boys have broken plenty of their own out of the Refuge in their area.”
You sighed in relief and snuggled closer to Jack. You had never felt so full of happiness before. He reached up and ran his hand through your hair, both of you just lying in the quiet, enjoying the simplicity of it now everything was out in the open between you two and how, regardless of how the strike ends, Crutchie would be back soon.
“So,” you said with a small giggle after a few minutes, “you think my hair smells good?”
Red and yellow roses: Given together they mean happiness and excitement
Beige, beige and more beige, Jack knew the wall behind him was blue but that didn’t do him any good, turning that way meant pulling all the stuff that was stuck in his arm and that didn’t feel any good. His only solace was the big vase that sat next to his bed, filled with yellow and red roses. It certainly brought more life into the room, he wished that he’d been awake when his friend had brought it. Chase had already been to visit him to catch him up on what he’d missed while in his coma, he was so happy to know that his community had grown so much, and was so proud to hear about all the charity that took place in his absence, he just wished he’d been awake to see it all happen himself.
“Jack?” His attention snapped over to the door, a smile spreading across his face at the sight of [Y/N], his good friend.
“You came back! The nurse said you came with the flowers and left to let me sleep more.” He said as they entered the room.
“I didn’t want to wake you up, you need your rest after all.”
“I’ve been asleep for months! The last thing I need is more rest! Now come over here and give me a hug damn it.” He demanded, making his friend laugh. They walked closer, setting something down on the bedside table before leaning over to hug him, being careful of the wires and tubes they still had attached to him just in case. He felt thinner, his hug not as strong as it used to be, but it was a strong as he could muster at the moment. “I want to go home.” He sighed as they pulled away.
“You need your therapy Jack. Being in a coma for as long as you has some serious effects on the body! Your muscles are all deteriorated from lack of use, the doctors just want you to be healthy and here they can make sure you get the attention and care you need.” They told him, moving some of his hair out of his face.
“Well could they at least give me a hair cut or something? I’m looking like Marv’ over here.” He grumbled, making them laugh again.
“True, though if you asked Marv he’d say that wasn’t a bad thing.”
“Yeah well he’s not here.” He continued to grumble, crossing his arms before he looked over at the device [Y/N] had brought. “So… What’d you bring?”
“Huh? Oh right! I brought my Switch! I figured we could play MarioKart and then some Smash Bros if you wanted to.” They said, picking up the hand held and taking the joy cons off, before pulling the table attached his bed in front of him and setting the screen on it. “Okay, just lemme….” Their voice trailed off as they walked to the other side of the room to grab a chair and set it next to his bed. “There we go, now we can play.”
The console was turned on and they began playing MarioKart, the two jokingly smack talking each other and feeling more normal than they had in a while.
“Did you just blue shell me?!” Jack exclaimed, his voice going up an octave as [Y/N] cackled.
“Hell yeah I did! Ya got a problem with that?!”
“Oh! It is ON!” He shouted, starting to lean with the movements of his character on the screen, because that totally makes it work better… It does!
The two played for what seemed like minutes, but soon they were aware that an hour had passed when a nurse came by to tell them to keep it down. Apparently, their loud gaming had been bothering a few of the other patients. The two, embarrassed, apologized and promised to try and keep the volume down before switching to play Smash.
“By the way, [Y/N]… I forgot to say thanks for the roses. They really brighten it up in here.” He said as they changed out the game.
“You’re welcome, Jack.” They said with a smile. “Ya know, I picked those colors for a reason.”
“Oh really? And why’s that?” He asked as the game started up and [Y/N] got them to the stage select screen, setting it to random so they could just choose their characters.
“When red and yellow roses are given together, they mean happiness and excitement. Which is exactly what I felt when I heard that you were awake, I missed you man… We all did.” They said as they picked their character and Jack picked his.
“I’m sorry. But hey I’m back now right?” He asked as they played together. “Wait… Do you have all items on?”
“Yes.” They said with a grin, laughing as he cursed under his breath and they continued to play, the two forgetting about having to keep quiet as they got more into it.
“No! Nooo!”
“I just want to show you my hammer Jack! It’s a nice hammer!”
“Get away from me! Get aw-Nooo!” Jack shouted as his character flew off the screen just as the time went out and [Y/N] cheered.
“Excuse me…”
The two froze at the sound of the extremely annoyed nurse.
“Uhh… Yes?” [Y/N] laughed nervously.
“If you don’t keep it down, I’m going have to ask you to leave.” The nurse said and the two quickly nodded.
“We’ll keep it down, I promise.” Jack spoke this time, the nurse simply huffing and walking out.
“Maybe, we should save the game for a less late time yeah?” [Y/N] asked and Jack nodded, handing the joy con back to them so they could put the Switch back together and turn it off. “Sorry, I got you in trouble with the nurse.”
“Eh, nothing can quiet me down. I’m a loud boy no matter what, someone should’ve warned them about that.” He said with a shrug.
After that the two sat in an awkward silence, through the yelling and playful jabs the two had already said just about what they wanted to say, it wasn’t like there was too much to talk about. Chase had caught him up on everything that had happened while he was in his coma. So, while they did touch the subject there wasn’t too much they could go on about.
“Hey, [Y/N]?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for coming to visit me… And for the flowers. I won’t lie, I get kinda lonely in here. Plus, even if my body is all fucked up that doesn’t stop me from having a serious amount of energy so it’s good to get it out with games, even if we do get in trouble.”
“Anytime Jack, anytime… By the way, did Chase tell you he lost your flamingo shorts?”
“He did what?!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And that’s the end of the series! Man, I had fun writing it haha! Feels nice to write something that’s not academic. The moment I started this series I knew exactly what I wanted to do for Jack, I just also thought it would be a good way to end the series. I’m amazed that everyone has liked them so much, even the ones that I thought were subpar everyone seemed to like! It’s been a great boost in my self esteem as a writer, so thanks to all of you for that. Now, I just have to figure out what the heck I’m gonna do now... Eh, I’ll figure out. Anyway! As always, I accept any and all feed back, thank you for reading!
Word Count: 11,449 (I know, but I am so proud of it)
Warnings: Tiny angst, medium fluff.
A/N: Request from my most loyal reader @draiela about the song Saturn by Sleeping at Last “i just got an urge from listening to the song and a path of self acceptance ive been on lately with being myself around myself and others if that makes sense.. [the request was a whole conversation, so I copied the main story point]
Your name: submit What is this?
“Could I ask you to help me out?” you finally break the silence after walking with Jack for nearly a mile around the park.
“What do you need?” he asks very seriously, forming a knot in his forehead.
“I’m taking this photography class.” You motion a fake camera with your fingers and close one eye to look at the trees along the path.
“What’s this?” he says as he leans in to inspect the arrangement of your fingers.
You turn to him suddenly and flick your finger in a mock-snapshot, making a clicking noise with your tongue.
He moves back defensively and his eyes widen at your hands, making you giggle and drop them to your sides. He always lightens your mood when you need it most.
“I just need a few hours of your time to take some photos. Play around with lighting and backgrounds.” you see a bench up ahead and make your way over to sit down.
“It’s no big deal, but it can get creepy with a stranger with all of the staring and I don’t want them to think I’m going to make a wall of their face or something.” you kick your feet in front of you, swinging them back and forth underneath the bench.
“I don’t know why you would make a wall of someone’s face.” Jack screws up his eyebrows as though he is bewildered by your statement.
“Exactly. I don’t want them to think I’m a lunatic.” You give an awkward and toothy smile.
“I don’t understand what you need me to do?” Jack says with concern.
“Not much actually, I just know it won’t be weird with you. The assignment is this before and after photo, where one person is shown in two very different images.” you wave your hands around to different parts of an imaginary storyboard of ideas you see.
Jack nods wordlessly with a tight lips and a clenched jaw. You aren’t looking directly at him, but you know he’s trying to figure something out in his head. After Dean yelled at him for having too many questions he’s been holding a lot of it in, until he can’t take it anymore and he practically explodes with words.
“Let’s go get my camera and we can take version one now. I was thinking just the way you are would be a really good starting point.” You slip off the bench.
Jack nods his head, mulling something over silently.
You side glance at him, catching his sharp yet soft features. He’s a perfect subject for the assignment. How can such contrasting details in his face blend perfectly into...Jack? Smooth, curving lips. Flawless, baby soft skin. Delicate, neatly arranged hair. Yet also... the straight, rigid lines that make up his jaw. His pointed noise and piercing eyes. He is such a...swan. Poised and picturesque while also being dangerous and strong.
You feel a whoosh against your face and brush right past Castiel in the library, reaching for an Enochian history. You quickly look over your shoulder and notice Cas is inspecting you, making you feel uneasy. You continue down the hall and shake it off; the residual chills running through you.
Jack walks in with you and grabs a box sitting on your dresser, “Is this it?” he holds it in his fingers the way you positioned yours before, mimicking a camera.
He taps on it with his index finger to see if it will click.
You turn as you adjust the camera strap on your neck and suck in your lip to keep from laughing. You walk over and grab the box of tampons and throw them in a dresser drawer, “No, I found it,” you point at the device around your neck and shut the drawer.
You replaced his empty hands with a case of filter lenses and walked out of the room, “Carry that!” you shout, knowing he might try to put it in the dresser as well.
As you pass through the library once more Cas isn’t around anymore and the rest of the bunker is empty. Perfect. This is the place for the before photo.
“Tell me how the caged bird sings, Jack.” you stop in the front room, where most of the ‘family time’ happens lately. Ironically, the war room will show his softer side through contrast.
You peek through the viewfinder and aim at your cinnamon roll. He has his mouth hanging open but again no sound comes out.
“Argh.” You lower the camera. He takes a breath in and closes his mouth.
“Come here,” you pat on the table and he walks up to the edge of a chair, “No, Jack, come up here.” You insistently tap your finger on the map covered in little utensils of measurement.
“But,” Jack starts to protest, and not finding any viable reason not to crawl onto the table, pulls himself on top. You clear the way a little bit, so he doesn’t learn the pain of tiny trinkets stabbing in unwanted places. A whole different kind of torture.
“Why here?” he asks, probably trying to recall a time he saw Dean or Sam standing on a table that wasn’t during a fight.
“Well,” you come around the other side of him, dragging your hand along the edges of the map, “This is meant to plan fighting strategies, and uses of weapons...” you pick up a couple of toy soldiers and tap their heads together, “But it’s so colorful. It looks more like a children’s game.”
“Like Risk?” Jack says, scanning the board and no doubt recognizing the similarities.
“Exactly like Risk.” You frown and toss the soldiers aside.
You look through the viewfinder again, then let it down to hang by your stomach. You lean over the table, closer to Jack, allowing the camera to sway slowly back and forth.
“It’s just so mismatched like you. War and games, Jack.” you place a hand on either side of his face, tilting his head up and watching him watch you.
“Color and killing.” you mumble after you let go of him to hoist yourself up onto the table.
You hover above him, making sure to get several different outlines of bright countries surrounding him inside the frame.
“Look at me.” you start snapping some test shots through the camera, “Good, now look at the ceiling above me.” you notice a muscle in his neck, elongated and had the sudden urge to brush it with your finger. But you didn’t. That would be weird, right?
Jack turns his eyes from the ceiling back to you. He waits for you to say something, but is clearly picking up on your stupid thoughts. You feel your face burn a little bit and start rambling a little bit, “Okay, close your eyes.”
He shuts them obediently.
“So..what’s going on with you?” you divert the silent subject, and he opens his eyes to furrow his brows at you, “No, keep them closed. And relax your face.” you continue directing him wordlessly with your hands as you chatter, “I mean, are you feeling okay?”
“I am not unwell.” he says with a hint of suspicion in his voice.
No. Not suspicion. Jack isn’t capable of suspicion in his sweet, trusting state. Maybe it was more confusion.
“You’ve been trying to say something all day, Jack. I can see it on your face.” you counter, while moving his head around in different directions.
“I ...I’ve been trying not to-” he says in a restrained, twisted voice, “I am trying to learn the right time to speak and the right time to ask.” he chooses carefully.
You drop the camera to your belly and frown at him. Sweet boy, what are you talking about. “Is this because of Dean?” you wrinkle your forehead and make a mental note to punch him in the back of the neck next time you see that jerk.
“No, don’t-” Jack pipes up, seeing your signature aggravation spawning, “I just want to be more...” he searches for the words.
But you see it written all over his look. Normal. Useful. Independent. Undemanding.
“Oh, Jack.” you sit down and grab his hand, calloused and covered in tiny scratches from training. “I love you so much, do you know that?”
“I care about you more than anybody in the universe.” you are sure to look him in the eyes this time, rubbing your thumb over the smoothing tiny scratches, never bound to become scars due to his healing. “More than Dean, more than Sam, more than anybody, Jack.” he watches your fingers intertwine with his, “I cannot think of a more perfect and special person in the universe.” you say, heart beating hard with pain as you think about the internal conflicts he’s struggled through.
“You.” he says.
Immediately your face flushes with heat and you freeze in surprise. “I-” you look for sounds to come out of your mouth but you only end up stuttering silence.
You let go of his hand and swing your legs to the other side of the table, “Hold on, I’ve got something for you.” You hop off and jog up the couple of steps, camera smacking from one side of your ribcage to another as you wind through the halls to the kitchen.
You stop in the doorway, holding the frame to brace yourself as you catch your breath. A trickle of sweat runs down your forehead and you blink, trying to remember why you came here.
You look around and see a box on a shelf, “Ah, yes.” you exhale and run your hand from from your brow to the crown of your head.
Weird. You feel chill, despite the blood pumping through you from the impromptu jogging.
You rip open the box and reach your hand in to snag a couple of candy bars you had Sam get on the last shopping run. You jam them into your pockets and turn to walk back to the War Room. Normal speed.
You look through the carousel of photographs you’ve taken and feel like you just haven’t captured his innocence correctly.
I mean, how can someone just SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? you scream inside your head. You start clicking more ferociously through the photos until you reach back to the first one.
You let out a slow breath and calm down before arriving at the table.
Jack sits there, hands wrapped around his knees loosely, awaiting further instructions. You smile subconsciously and he lights up at the end of a wrapper sticking out of your bulging pockets.
“Is that for me?” He is suddenly rigid, awaiting your approval.
“Yeah, thanks for helping, Jack.” you toss him one of the bars and pure glee washes over him as he secures the catch.
You begin pulling out the second bar for yourself, but in seeing him washed over in joy you rasp to yourself, “That’s it!”
You snatch the camera up and start snapping away, crawling onto the table without pausing your shoot.
You wake up early, unable to shake the feeling that something is bothering Jack. You rub your eyes with the back of your hand and stare at the ceiling. Was he diverting the conversation so I wouldn’t ask him about it? You wonder up at the darkness. No, that isn’t like Jack. He’s doesn’t calculate. You’re just projecting your mistrust of other people onto him. One of your favorite traits about Jack is his inability to speak dishonestly. He is straightforward and open, while also being so accepting and understanding of anything you ever tell him.
You decide to check in on him, although you were sure it was just before dawn. You slip some socks on and walk over to Jack’s room.
You rap lightly on the door, and turn the handle gently so it doesn’t make a noise.
“Y/N?” he says, sitting peacefully against his headboard.
“Right.” you close the door behind you, “I forget sometimes that you don’t sleep.”
“Sometimes. I sleep a little amount.” he shrugs.
“Do you mind if I lay with you?” you point at the bed.
“I don’t mind.” he says, allowing you to walk over and lay down on top of the sheets.
“Are you going to lay down?” you chuckle as he continues to sit against the headboard.
“Sure.” he says and adjusts himself into the laying position.
“What am I supposed to do?” he asks, looking at the ceiling.
“Nothing, just relax.” you turn on your side and watch his face in the darkness.
After acknowledging with an, “Okay.” he lays there silently as though you aren’t there.
“Do you mind if I lay my head on your chest?” you wait for his approval, and with his, “I don’t mind.” you nuzzle closer to him, moving his arm around you and laying your head on his warm skin.
You hear his heart beating, steadily with a rhythm like a bass drum. You imagine that your heart sounds like a piano, and together they almost make a musician’s band.
You hum an imaginary tune of a violin to your fantasy band and the vibrations from your throat ring against Jack’s ribcage and sound in your ear.
A short while later you open your eyes and realize you must have fallen asleep, your arm wrapped around Jack’s chest like a ribbon.
You peel your arm away carefully and retract it to your body, curling it in closely. Your hand was still warm from where it rested on his delicate ribcage. You tuck your hand under your cheek while you wait for your eyes to adjust to the darkness.
Slowly, Jack’s face comes into focus. He’s asleep. You think in surprise. It’s really amazing, but in all of this time you’ve never seen him asleep. But unlike other people, hunters don’t look calm when they sleep. Even in their dreams they are battling, and on the verge of rushing out of sleep at the slightest sign of danger in the waking world.
“I’m here.” you try to whisper to his subconscious, hoping that the crease between his brows will subside at the sound of your voice. Maybe you were connected. Maybe he needed you. Then you would feel like somebody in this world needed you.
You move your limbs slowly, the way you would approach a target to catch them by surprise. You thanked the Men of Letters for making the bed frames from sturdy wood, crafted with care so as not to squeak when moving around.
You close the door behind you with a snail’s pace, like a game of ‘Don’t wake Jack’.
“That’s new.” Dean mumbles into his coffee mug as he passes you in the hallway. You nearly jump out of your skin and praise yourself for having already carefully latched the doorknob into place.
“Shut up.” you snarl at Dean and swiftly rush toward the bathroom.
After a refreshing shower and other preparing for the day you think about telling Jack your part 2 plan for the photographs.
You run one last brush through your hair for good measure and go across the hall to Jack’s room. The door was open, so you walk right into a scene you were not expecting.
Cas was sitting on one side of the room, Dean was standing by the bed on the other side of the room, and in the middle was Jack - laying the way you’d left him this morning.
“What’s going on?” you speak up so Dean and the others turn to you.
“Ah, Y/N.” Dean brings his hands together making a dull ‘clap’, “I was just explaining the birds and the bees to Jack, here.” he motions at the bed.
“What?” You growl, half shock and half confusion. Castiel and Jack share your confusion and turn simultaneously to Dean.
“You know, about protection and all that.” Dean winks at you.
“You idiot - it’s not what you think.” You begin to defend.
Jack and Castiel speak at the same time, talking over one another at Dean, but Dean cuts them off and turns back to Jack, “I’m just kidding. I was telling Jack that Cas and I are going to run some monster errands if you know what I mean, and Sammy is going to stay behind to research any lore he can to help us out.”
“There were no birds or bees.” Castiel clarified, “I believe it’s a black aggie.”
“Eh, I think it’s just a statue, but we’ve gotta check it out.” Dean interjects.
“Like Doctor Who?” you smirk and Dean screws his face up at you, “Why are you speaking gibberish to me?”
He knocks on Jack’s headboard, “Anyway,” he starts walking toward the door, “We’re out of here.” you step out of his way before he barrels through you, seeing as he takes up most of the doorway.
“He didn’t say anything about protection.” Jack says as you stand there in silence, listening for the guys to get out of the hallway.
“Does he want us to help Sam research about protection from the statue?” he asks.
“Nah,” you lean into the hallway for good measure, “Get dressed, we’re going to develop my photos.”
“Okay. Will I need any weapons?” he asks.
You lean back into the room, “What?” you look at his serous face, “No. I’ve made a dark room to process the photos I took on the camera into physical pictures.” you explain as you walk over to his closet.
“Here, wear this, it doesn’t matter.” you throw a hanger at him and toss him some jeans.
“Okay.” he says and you walk out of the room, “Meet me in the kitchen, I’m grabbing some coffee.”
He nods and you walk off to prep your first cup of the day.
A few minutes later he walks in and you take his arm to direct him to a mostly empty storage room where you’d set up black out curtains in a corner. You push past the thick fabric and reveal some red lights illuminating a clothes line and trays of liquid on a couple of tables.
“I want you to know that what we are about to talk about is for ONLY YOU to hear!” you emphasize, drawing in a hard breath as you prepare to let out a river of secrets.
Jack looks around and nods at you triumphantly, “Yes, I am the only one in the room.”
You roll your eyes but don’t want to defeat his accomplishment right now. “Okay...but Jack,” you lay your hands on the table and press your fingertips into it nervously, “this is meant ONLY FOR YOU. Don’t tell anybody what we talk about today.” you bore into him with your eyes awaiting his acknowledgement.
“Alright, I won’t tell anybody.” he says. You release the long breath building up inside you and begin to move around the photo making supplies.
“Jack do you know what it means when someone is straight?” you avoid eye contact with him as you pour measured amounts of chemicals into vats.
“Doesn’t it mean they are standing or laying down? If they are straight they make a line-”
“No Jack,” you cut him off, “let me put it this way... do you know what it means if someone is gay?”
Jack ponders silently and you gnaw on the inside of your cheek nervously. What was most likely four seconds felt like minutes later, Jack says “No, I do not think I know what that means.”
You continue fiddling with prints and bottles and trays as you think about how to approach this subject. Like a child, Jack is questioning and open to learn. Unfortunately, you are uncomfortable and awkward and wish you could just transfer him your knowledge instead of having to explain anything.
Wait. Why are you awkward around Jack? It’s Jack. You feel your muscles slowly relax and you cleanse yourself with a fresh breath.
You turn to look at him and smile immediately, as he always makes you feel giddy when you look directly at him.
“Well, straight people like someone of a different gender. Gay people like someone of the same gender.” As you say it out loud it sounds both stupid and also simple and not entirely a good explanation.
Jack’s face seems to agree with your assessment that this is not an adequate explanation.
“So...if Sam were gay he might like Cas...” you say, although you’re not sure if angels have specific genders and what the identity dynamics were based on what body an angel is currently occupying or had previously occupied.
Before you can drift too off track Jack hums, “So when Dean will talk to a lady when we get dinner, he is straight?”
“Um..” you repeat back to yourself what he said and slowly nod at him, “Although I’m not sure why you qualified when he does that...but yeah that would make him straight.” you scratch your head and wonder if Jack might be on to something with a ‘when’ qualifier.
Now that you’ve explained the basic zero or one scale, you think about how to show him more of a spectrum scale. You rake your teeth against your bottom lip as you clip the last print to drip dry on a hanging line.
You reach for your mug and as you tip it to your face nothing touches your lips. You realize it’s time for a refill so you push through the curtains and hear Jack following behind you. Trying to form the words together for the next part of your explanation prove more difficult than you initially pictured for this conversation.
“I don’t know what I am.” Jack says, making you nearly drop the coffee pot into the sink.
“Erm.. well...you know someone can be more than just gay or straight.” You internally cringe as you’ve never said the words gay or straight so many times in your life before this conversation.
“What if they like everybody?” Jack asks matter of factly, putting so simply into words what you are overcomplicating.
Yeah, what if. You think as you take a sip of the mug, nearly spitting it out immediately. “The coffee’s burnt.” you pour it down the drain and stick your tongue out at Jack.
“Come on, let’s get some coffee outside.” you rinse the mug and lay it in the rack to dry. It’s a perfect opportunity after all to introduce him to someone special.
As you walk out the kitchen you fidget nervously. Excitedly. You can’t stand it and take Jack’s hand unapologetically, as holding him usually calms you down. Jack, your sweet bug, doesn’t say anything weird in response.
“Before I forget let me explain my concept for the second photo.” you swing your hand back and forth, taking Jack’s hand for a ride along.
“Does your beard grow?” you peek at his jawline, clean and smooth and pale skinned.
Jack leads his free hand up to his face where he notices you inspecting his chin. “You mean my face hair?” he rubs his fingers along the edges of his face, down his neckline. A tiny chill runs through you.
“Mhmm.” you murmur acknowledgement as cool air brushes your cheeks in a rush with the door opening.
“Sam showed me how to shave a long time ago. Since I don’t sleep much I usually groom myself while everyone else is sleeping.” his warm hand encloses yours like a mitten.
“I wish I had that power.” you scoff, thinking of all the priming you could do in the wasted hours of sleep. No wonder he always looks so perfect. But how can you have such flawless skin and no dark circles without beauty sleep?
“What power?” Jack touches his face suddenly, and as you peek at him his inquisition is plastered all over his face. You giggle as you imagine him wondering if facial hair growth is a super power. Ugh. You internally groan and wish you had the power not to grow hair.
“Actually, I just want you to let it grow for a little bit, okay? Once I feel it’s right we can take pictures.” You notice some stones lined up in a row ahead and walk over them, using Jack as your balance point.
“I think we need to go shopping too. I’ll get you some other clothes for my idea.” you step off the last stone and realize Jack was raising his other arm - mirroring your balancing act.
You sigh a relieved, happy breath, feeling so blessed that somehow Jack was brought into your life.
“You’re my best friend Jack.” you smile, “I can’t imagine my life without you.” and of course he is unabashed.
“Well you’ve been with me my entire life.” he says, “So I actually cannot imagine it without you either.”
You smile to yourself and walk quietly the rest of the way until you reach the coffee shop.
“Here it is...” you gulp softly before opening the glass door to walk through, “Coffee.”
Jack walks through with you and steps to the side of the door as some people behind you try to escape the cool weather. He looks at you as you continue to stand there by the entrance and follows your gaze to the front counter.
“Yeah, it’s just coffee.” you nod toward the counter, “No big deal. Let’s just go get the ...coffee.” you rub your hands together, realizing they’re colder and at some point you must have dropped Jack’s hand.
“Does she have the coffee?” Jack looks from you to the girl at the counter, “I don’t understand, why do you keep staring at her?”
“SSHHH-shhut up.” you hiss, “Just follow me, Jack.” you walk up to the counter just as someone finishes their order.
Her hair frames her face like a picture. Her eyes are piercing yet soft. She reminds you of someone, soft and bold simultaneously. She’s writing something down on a notepad by the register and her free hand tucks her hair behind her ear. You can just imagine taking her photo in a field of daisies.
You shudder yourself out of your imagination. Whaaat. You shake your head and feel Jack’s presence hovering to your side. Stop being so..hover-y. You tap your fingers on the counter, unintentionally making the girl look up at you.
“Sorry, just a moment.” she says quickly as she scribbles more rapidly.
“No! That wasn’t- I don’t mind waiting for you.” You shove your hand in your pocket, “Actually that sounded condescending haha..” you chuckle nervously.
“I just had a song stuck in my head.” you cover up with a shrug as you rock back and forth on your heels.
She places the pen down with a clack! and smiles at you tiredly, “How can I help you?”
“Looks like you need a coffee.” you chuckle again, feeling cheesy as hell.
“Yeah, I wish.” she rolls her eyes, fluttering her lashes like a butterfly.
“Well, can I order you one?” you ask sheepishly.
Without missing a beat she smiles and gives a little laugh, “Nah, thanks. I get them for free, I just have to wait for my break.” She subconsciously glances over at the clock on the wall.
“Oh, cool.” you say lamely and lean on one leg to stop yourself from rocking compulsively.
Her hair shimmers as it blows strands around her face. Jack turns around to see someone walked through the door and queued up in line behind you.
“So...what can I get you?” She asks, pulling you away from images of wind blowing through her hair as you ride a bike together or a sailboat or a convertible.
“Right.” A blush creeps up your neck and you place a five dollar bill on the counter, “Just a hot coffee, to go.”
“Coming right up!” she takes the cash and clacks on her register, making a little song of bells as she gathers your change.
You start to walk away and say over your shoulder, “Keep it!” and hide behind the receiving counter with Jack.
“So you like her?” Jack asks in what was probably a normal voice, but sounded to you like he was speaking through a megaphone.
“SHHH!” you punch him in the chest and look over his shoulder to make sure she didn’t hear him. She was taking the order of the next customer, oblivious to your tiny crisis.
“I...I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about her. Sometimes.” you fumble through your words, unsure of what you want to tell Jack.
“I think you either like her or want to take pictures of her, right?” he asks, making you stare at him dumbfounded for a few moments.
“Don’t say it like that, it sounds creepy.” you gape at him feeling like he hit the nail on the head.
“I don’t know, maybe both?” you say and peek over the counter, watching as she goes back to scribbling on her pad.
She glances up and you avert your eyes, pretending to inspect a printed painting on the wall with much interest.
Jack looks from you to the girl behind the counter to the painting in confusion. “Why are you looking at this picture?” he asks.
“I’m not.” you say through clenched teeth.
Jack furrows his brows in distress and looks closer at you and makes sure that you are, indeed looking at the painting.
“It looks as though you are looking at the picture.” he says with a strained voice and you groan, a tiny bit annoyed at his constant narration of your situation.
You peek out of the corner of your eye at the counter and she’s back to writing on her notepad. You release a tight breath and turn to stick a finger into Jack’s chest.
“It’s complicated!” you say assuredly, as though that was that.
A barista saved you as he calls out, “Y/N?” at the receiving counter and places a paper cup down in front of you. You snatch it up and walk to an inconspicuous corner table with a couple of armchairs. You plant yourself down, motioning for Jack to join you in the chair next to you.
“Oh shoot, sorry Jack. Did you want something?” you ask snapping out of your haze, “Sorry I’ve been so focused...” you trail off as he stares at you wordlessly, “on coffee...” you finish and you can hear your inner monologue rolling her eyes and saying Yeah, on coffee.
“Yes, I’ll go get a drink.” he says and stands up suddenly.
You shrug as he walks away and try to hide behind your paper cup unsuccessfully as you watch her again. This isn’t creepy at all. You think to yourself. I’m just sitting here drinking this cup of coffee I ordered. You nod to yourself in agreement. Because the coffee at home was burnt. You concluded. Yes, there was no other choice. Well it wasn’t that bad, and you probably could have made another cup, but you quickly shut your inner thoughts up. No, that’s not the point. I didn’t have time to make another pot. Well, maybe you had time. Then, I just didn’t feel like it. Yeah, I’m lazy. You satisfy yourself with a reason to come here and spend $5 on probably 20 cents worth of brewed beans.
Wait... you see Jack gesturing with his hands. What is he doing? You watch the girl laugh and nod her head. WhaT IS HE SAYING?? You grip your coffee cup until it bends into the shape of your grasp.
He points to your corner and your heart stops. You aren’t sure if you should sink into the floor or seem super cool like you don’t notice them at all.
She looks over at your table and you decide to smile and wave sheepishly. She nods and Jack walks back to you.
“What. The. Frack.” Your eyes widen at Jack as he casually sits down.
He smiles at you and folds his hands in his lap.
“Umm... WHat dID YOu SAy.” you ask in a very broken and raspy voice.
“I said I’m not sure what drink I want. She told me she usually gets a plain hot coffee and I said that’s what you got too. Then she said you’re in here all of the time but she’s never seen me. I told her you took me out here to take pictures for a class and she said she would love to see how the pictures turn out, and she said she can bring my coffee over to our table.” He recounted to you.
Your jaw was slack as you processed the entire conversation.
What does that mean? Does she like me? Does she like Jack? Is she going to come kick us out and tell me to stop stalking her? Am I way overthinking this and she was just having polite conversation and is just going to bring Jack’s coffee to us?
Your mind races a mile a minute.
You close your mouth and look at Jack in utter amazement. He looks quite pleased with himself.
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” You slam back in the leathery chair and lift the cup to your face with mixed emotions. Secret joy? Anger? Flurries?
You lift the cup all the way over your face, but nothing comes out. Damn.
“What was the point of taking it to go if you drank the entire cup here?” Jack asks pointedly.
“I know. I don’t need you bringing your logic into this.” You grumble.
You watch her walk up with another steaming paper cup and you sit up straighter in the chair.
“Hey Y/N!” she says and you blink in surprise that she knows your name.
“So Jack here tells me you are a photographer?” She smiles as she hands the cup to Jack.
“Oh, I’m just taking a class.” You glance down at your lap.
“That’s really cool! I wish I could do something other than make a coffee.” She groans.
“That’s really important!” you pep up in your seat, making her giggle.
“What are you doing on that notepad?” Jack asks out of seemingly nowhere.
“Oh,” she brings her hand to her cheek, partially covering her face in embarrassment, “That’s just some story writing ideas.” she says.
“Woah.” Escapes your lips without warning, “I just assumed you were writing down orders or something.” You look at Jack in surprise, impressed that he noticed such a thing.
“You draw too, right?” he asks, taking her by surprise just as much.
“I ...doodle. Sometimes it helps me with the writing ideas.” she says.
“That’s so cool.” you breath.
She waves a hand dismissively, “You don’t even know what it looks like, it’s garbage.”
“Don’t say that. Even if you’re drawing just for yourself, it’s brave of you to express yourself that way.” you spew out of your mouth without any control whatsoever.
For a moment she looks at you in wonder, but a bell at the front door brings her attention back to her job. “Hey, do you want a refill? On me.” she winks.
“Sure.” you nod automatically.
She takes a look at your paper cup, crushed under your grip of stress, “Um.. I’ll get you a new one.” she turns to walk away and you stare as she floats away.
“You’re doing that thing Dean does when a woman walks away.” Jack points out, and you throw the empty paper cup at him.
“I can’t believe I actually talked to her.” You make circles in the worn leather arm of the chair with your forefinger.
“That was a nice conversation.” Jack says, and although it’s impossible for him you are pretty sure you sense a tinge of smug in his words.
Jack happily sips his coffee.
“I am going to think of ways to torture you. Once I figure out what in this world embarrasses you.” You vow at him, narrowing your eyes at his innocent smile.
You get up and stretch, feeling a crackle run through your back. “Okay cupid, let’s go.” you yawn.
As you start toward the door you hear, “Hey, wait!” behind you and turn around. “Here you go.” the girl hands you a cup of coffee and your fingertips ever so slightly brush the inside of her wrist by accident. You want to pull her in and hold her, but instead grab the coffee.
“Thanks.” you say weakly and she runs back to her counter.
Once you get outside and walk back toward the bunker you turn the cup around in your hands.
It says, ‘Look at me, being brave!’ with a little caricature of herself winking underneath. You attempt to suppress a smile as you hold the hot cup closer to your core, warming you in the windy morning.
You walk into your makeshift dark room and pull the photos off the hanging clips. As you stack them together you run your fingers along the edges to make sure they are neatly fitted into one rectangle.
You push through the heavy curtains and turn off the dark light switch. Absentmindedly you walk out to the hallway and stare at the top photo. It’s one of Jack looking directly at the camera, making you feel like he is staring right into you. Knowing all of your secrets.
You see him sitting at a table quietly reading and walk up behind him.
“Let’s take a look at those photos.” You sit down next to Jack and spread the glossy rectangles all over the table.
You run your finger along them as you inspect each one and your finger halts on one of Jack eating a candy bar.
“It’s so colorful.” Jack muses.
“Yes, I know exactly what I want for the second picture. We’ll use a black and white filter.” you picture it in your head, hoping it will turn out the same in reality.
“This is coming along nicely.” You turn to Jack and run your hand along his stubble, scratching you pleasantly. His lips are red front from the cold walks you’ve been taking together and you think to yourself you should get Sam to buy some chapstick.
“Did you want to finish talking about sexuality?” Jack says, stumping you in your thoughts. You immediately withdraw your hand from his face and cover your mouth to stifle a laugh.
“You have a way with timing, Jack.” you snicker.
“Welp.” you exhale, as ready as ever to talk.
“That girl, from the coffee shop. I just keep thinking about...her...about us.” You say, pausing to gather your sentences.
“Us?” Jack asks, tilting his head.
“Her and I... going away together.” you smile meekly.
Jack’s face drops, but you don’t notice as you are fiddling with your fingers, making them knot and unknot one another.
“I want to touch her, and hold her, and kiss her in my arms. And every time I see her my mind goes blank and I don’t even know how to ask her name.” you say.
“Why don’t you start with her name tag?” a voice says on the other side of the room, making ice water run through your veins.
You spin around in your chair and see Dean had walked in at some point in your conversation and was casually adding his two cents as though this wasn’t the most private conversation of your entire life happening right now.
You feel yourself burning and the muscles in your throat swell up, so the only think you could think to do is push out of the chair and run full speed out of the room into hiding.
“What?” Dean throws his arms in the air, bewildered at your reaction, “What did I do?” he turns to Jack who is pressing his eyebrows together, concerned but not sure what to do.
“I don’t think you were supposed to hear that.” Jack says further knotting his eyebrows together. He hates to see you in pain, and he could tell that whatever just happened hurt you very much.
“What’s the big deal? Who cares if she likes a girl?” he rolls his eyes and drops his arms to his sides dramatically.
“She cares. And if she cares that’s all that matters.” he says, and gets up to look for you.
Dean sighs in defeat and is left frowning with guilt in Jack’s wake.
You can’t believe he was so callous as to butt in and completely destroy your privacy like that. You just barely figured yourself out, and now Dean is involved. You’re not ready to talk to the guys about this..well the other guys anyway. What if you just like this girl? What if you don’t even like her, but you just think she’s really amazing and admire her and don’t know what other feeling to put to it other than romantic ones? What is Dean thinking about it right now? It’s not even any of his business. What the crap.
Tears are hot running down your face, as though your internal temperature was blasted through the roof and your tears were just water boiling over. You bring your knees to your chest and lay your wet face into the fabric of your clothes, blacking out everything from your sight. What does this mean now that it’s out there?
An arm lays around your shoulders and you tense up at the touch until a voice says, “I’m sorry.”
“Jack.” you sigh with relief and your body relaxes, “You didn’t do anything.”
“I know, but I am sorry that Dean upset you. He didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to hear that.”
“Thanks, Jack. I guess I should’ve picked somewhere less likely to get walked in on...” you trail off, not really sure if you ever want to show your face to anyone again.
He lays his head on top of your head and stay silent for a while. He probably isn’t sure what to say, but that works just fine for you, because being held in the darkness might be just what you wanted.
After some time you raise your head up, coming face to face with Jack. You press your forehead into his and blink away the last of your tears.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Y/N.” he says, and a smile spread across your face. “Thanks, Jack. With you I feel less afraid.”
“I feel less afraid with you, too.” He says quietly. “I don’t want you to leave.” he says with a sadness.
You open your eyes to look directly into his and search them for meaning. “Why would you think I’m leaving?” you ask and pull back so you can see his face more clearly.
“You said you want to leave with the girl at the coffee shop. You said you want to take her away and go just the two of you.” He says with worry. “I just don’t know what life is like without you.”
“Oh Jack.” you whisper, “I’m not going to leave you. Don’t you remember I said I can’t imagine my life without you? I don’t plan on ever imagining it either.” you reach for his hands and hold them against the sides of your cheeks.
“I might be nobody special, but at least I have you to worry for me.” you feel his warmth radiating against your skin and your heart opens wide for him.
“Why do you think you’re not special?” Jack asks solemnly. You remove his hands from your face but continue to hold them in your hands.
“Sweetie, not everybody was born to save the world. I’m not a Winchester, and I’m not Nephilim. I’m just a human, no stars aligned when I was born, and no demons came for me, and no angels wrote lore about my coming.” You almost feel a relief as you say it, although it was meant to be diminishing, “I’m just a girl. And nobody cares if I like other girls.” you say, realizing as you say it out loud that it’s kind of true. When you put it into perspective like that, it doesn’t seem like something to worry about after all.
“You know what? I feel kind of better.” You brace yourself against Jack’s shoulders to stand up, then offer him your arm, “Let’s go tell Dean off.”
He takes your arm and stands up, following you down the hall with concern still somewhat radiating off of him.
You approach the War Room and see two bodies standing by the table. The long trench coat turns around and Castiel looks apologetically to you.
“He didn’t mean to walk in on your conversation.” He defends for Dean, as usual, attempting to excuse his rude behavior.
“Are you KIDDING ME?” You ball up your fist and walk around Castiel to Dean, “You TOLD HIM?” You get right up in Dean’s face ready to give him a piece of your mind.
“First of all, back off.” Dean says, putting a hand up in the small space between you two.
“Haven’t you learned ANYTHING about privacy and not butting in to things that have nothing to do with you?” You fire up, pushing his hand out of the way.
“No, I heard his mind. He wouldn’t stop feeling bad about it, over and over again.” Castiel attempts to calm you.
“Hey, I’ve got it Professor X -” He waves away Castiel, “You know how nosy angels can be-” he puts a hand on your shoulder.
You grind your jaw, unsure of if it really is his fault after all. You shove Dean’s hand off your shoulder, stomping toward the stairs.
Dean grabs your arm before you get away and his voice cracks, “Hey kid, really. I didn’t mean it -I-I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed to hear that.” he says sincerely.
You unball your fist, but don’t turn to face him. You bite your lip and furrow your brow in confusion. Who am I really mad at here?
He pulls you into a hug. “For what it’s worth, nothing matters to me as long as you don’t have those black eyes, okay?” he pats you on the back in that lovingly awkward big brother Dean kind of way.
You inhale deeply and exhale just as hard, giving in to his apology. “Okay.” you begrudgingly say just loud enough that he can hear.
“I mean it, kid.” he says as he kisses the top of your head and lets you go. “Now go catch that coffee girl.” he waves his arm like a lasso.
“No Dean, too soon.” You shake your head and walk toward the hatch.
When you get outside Jack sprints up to your side, and you release the flood gates of complaints.
“It’s just that I don’t know who I want to know, you know?” you scratch your head.
“I mean...this is a part of me, I kind of think it always has been...deep down anyway. But I don’t need other people telling me their opinions when I don’t even know...” you trail off, feeling mixed emotions of acceptance and frustration.
“I think this is who I am, and it doesn’t even mean that much, but it means a lot to ME you know?” you grind your teeth left and right trying to figure out why you’re spouting all of this.
“I’m glad Dean... I mean... What if he didn’t feel the way he does?” you inhale sharply through your nose to stop flooding emotions.
“But he does feel the way he does, not a different way.” Jack tries to connect for you, making lines in the air with his eyes.
“What if...other people don’t feel the same as he does?” you ask hesitantly.
“Everyone feels differently. Everyone has their own feelings, right?” Jack asks, making your real worry bubble up without warning.
Your heart starts beating faster, quickening your breath as well, “But, I don’t have very many people in my life, Jack. What if I lose one of the few people in my life because they don’t want to be around me anymore?” you feel your hands start shaking and Jack looks frantically at you.
“Why wouldn’t someone want to be around you? Because of someone that you like? Why would anybody want to leave you because of someone else that makes you happy?” he grabs your hands the way you always grab his when you’re nervous. You’re not sure if he’s trying to calm you down or calm himself down.
“Why, indeed?” you say, blinking away hot wetness in your eyes.
“Y/N, if you aren’t hurting anybody, and someone doesn’t want you to be happy...do you want them in your life anyway?” he asks so simply.
You stop breathing, stop shaking, and stop thinking altogether.
“That’s a great point...” you say to the floor.
“If this hurts you so much now, they will hurt you over and over again.” Jack squeezes your hands and searches your face for any sign that he’s helped ease your pain.
“Jack...” your lip trembles and you thrust yourself into his arms, crying unstoppably.
“Y/N, did I say it wrong?” he asks tenderly.
“No Jack- they’re good tears.” you sob out, hoping he understands the words. You are just so happy to have someone who so unconditionally loves you and shows you warmth and kindness in this world of monsters both human and inhuman.
You squeeze him with all of your might and wipe your face vigorously on his jacket, giggling a little bit as a heavy weight was lifted from your soul.
You feel light and a little bit dizzy, and you want to stop making Jack worry.
“Let’s go shopping for your picture.”
Several outfit changes later you decided on some torn jeans, a rock and roll tank top, and leather jacket. It’s like a Jack from another universe - it’s perfect. You decided to take some pictures by the Men of Letters motorcycle in the bunker garage. It’s got that edge to balance the playful atmosphere of the first photo.
You played around with his hair for over an hour deciding which tools and what product gets the exact messy finish you want. The opposite of his usual smooth and soft wave, no hair ever out of place. It’s still the same, but rougher. Like he was riding at the beach all day long - hair all over the place and wavy like the wind instead of perfect waves like the ocean.
“Okay, this is it.” you pat him on the shoulders, deciding it’s now or never. Otherwise you could play dress up Jack all day long, and never stop enjoying yourself.
He looks rather rugged...
You feel something not sure you’ve ever felt from Jack before. It’s not an a friendly love, or an admiration. That scruffy look...is giving you some lustful ideas.
“Ahem.” you clear your throat, especially as you pass by Castiel on your way to the garage. Is that damned angel there every time I have extremely uncomfortable thoughts, or what??
You direct Jack again, where to look, how to sit, what to do with his arms.
You try getting him sitting on the motorcycle, but he looks too stiff and unsure. Not as cool as you expected. You give up the motorcycle as a prop and use it as the background drop instead.
You sit Jack in front of the bike and ask him to lean against the wall. He is tired, you can tell, probably from the emotional hoops he’s been jumping through all day for you. Probably all week.
“Relax. Just look at me and loosen all of your muscles.” the shutter snaps away and echoes through the tall ceilings of the garage.
He is so flawless. You decide it was the right decision to have him as your case study. It doesn’t matter if he is smiling childishly about chocolate, or if he is staring emotionlessly into your camera lens, he is stunning.
You release a heavy breath and rub your eyes with the back of your hand, “Well, that’s it. Now we wait for the photos to develop!” you stand up, feeling tense and sore from all of the weird angles.
“Did I help?” Jack asks innocently, always eager to please. You smile and nod happily, “Yes, you helped.”
He hops up and smiles ecstatically, winning some internal award in his head.
As you go to pull the film and measure the chemicals in your dark room again Jack says he is going to get ready to go to bed. I guess he actually needs to sleep tonight. You think to yourself after all you’ve put him through, physically and emotionally.
You think about the girl from the coffee shop, perfect in her own ways. Beckoning to your savior side to take her away from her small town and have adventures around the world with her.
But that’s not who you are. What if you do ask her out? Will you reveal to her that you are a hunter? Will you put her in danger by showing her this side of your life? Or will you hide it from her - even if you become seriously engaged? That’s not the kind of relationship you want... but you also don’t want to have a fling with her like one of Dean’s floozies.
You sigh mournfully. No, not floozies. You don’t blame Dean for never getting close to anybody. Other than your little makeshift family that is... it must be hard on him... but of course it’s always harder falling in love and trying to keep a ‘normal’ relationship, huh?
You shake the liquids off of the photos watching them magically develop from a blank piece of glossy paper into a work of art. Amazing.
Like you told Jack anyway, you’re not leaving. So what can you offer her in this town anyway?
You decide to leave the coffee girl as a chapter in your life that helped you discover more about yourself. You put away your daydream and leave the dark room to go to bed.
Breakfast the next morning couldn’t come soon enough. You tossed and turned all night, unable to get up while also failing to absorb any actual rest.
“Hit me, Sammy.” you grunt in a raspy voice as you clang down your favorite coffee mug on the table.
Sam pours the elixir into the mug and raises his eyebrows as Dean walks through the doorway, “That’s my mug.” Dean grumbles, but one stern look from you swerves him toward the shelves to find himself another mug.
“I know, it tastes better when I know I took it from you.” You scratch the back of your head and yawn before taking that first perfect sip.
“Good morning.” Jack and Castiel say in unison as they both show up at the table. You glance at Jack, slightly disappointed to see him back in his regular style. Not that it is particularly unpleasant, just having gotten a taste of Hot Jack was very curious and he’s already gone and washed his hair and shaved his face. Guess you didn’t sleep much last night after all.
Castiel sits across from you and you turn away, ignoring the puzzled look he gives you.
Dean sits down and slurps his coffee as he catches your eye. He points at tilts his head toward Sam as if to ask if you’ve told him yet.
No. You shake your head at him groggily, not that you’re not ready. Just tired.
Dean reads you loud and clear and nods equally groggily.
Sam sets food down in front of everybody and we all quietly pick up our utensils. All quietly, except for Cas, who out of the blue asks, “Why are you so sure that you like that girl?” he directs to you.
Dean chokes on his coffee, Jack turns to you expecting to see a glare or signs of reaching out to choke Castiel, and Sam’s spatula freezes mid-scoop.
“Good job, Cas.” you say and turn to Sam, “Yeah, I like girls.” you casually shove your fork into your mouth and since everyone was looking at you add, “Enjoy your eggs everyone.”
Everyone turns their heads to their plates except for Castiel, who presses onward, “I just don’t understand-”
Dean puts a hand up and interjects, “You don’t need to understand the dynamics of lesbian romance Cas, and if you feel the need to learn I can direct you to some videos-”
“Dean.” Sam shakes his head and Dean shrugs, but Cas looks ready to protest again. “It’s fine, Y/N. You like whoever you like.” Sam warmly smiles at you, “If you want to talk about it I’m here, not that it’s something to talk about...just-” he waves his spatula in the air before finishing, “you know.”
“Smooth.” Dean nods and grins satisfactorily at Sam as he raises his mug to hide his smugness.
Sam rolls his eyes and Cas continues, “It’s just that you already like Jack, don’t you?”
Somebody’s knife screeches against the plate, making you squirm at the sound.
“Well...” Sam defends, “You can like more than one person at a time.”
Jack nods at Sam and says, “Y/N said there is more than just Straight and Gay.” then he turns to you and says, “Is that true?”
You bore your eyes into your scrambled eggs as you feel everybody else’s eyes on you. “Do you mean...that there is more than one sexuality... or that I like you?” you gulp and can hear everybody turn back toward their food uncomfortably for the moment.
“I mean.. sexuality is definitely a spectrum... and I just only accepted that I like girls, but I guess I didn’t think about what that means for how I feel about guys..” you twirl your fork through the contents of your plate as though somewhere hidden in there will be the answer you are looking for.
“Wait a minute.. why do you even think that?” You ask Castiel defensively, pointing your fork toward him.
“I didn’t think it was a secret.” Castiel tilts his head inquisitively at you, “Every time you walk past me you are thinking quite loudly about Jack. Usually about his physical attractiveness or how happy you are that he is in your life-”
“STOP INTRUDING INTO PEOPLE’S THOUGHTS.” you shout over the table.
“...” Castiel looks at Jack and looks back to you, “Like I said, you were thinking it quite loudly.”
Dean clicks his tongue and winks at Jack, “He is quite an attractive boy.”
You narrow your eyes at Dean who wiggles his eyebrows and gleefully shoves a piece of bacon into his mouth.
You remind yourself to smash his mug so he can never enjoy its feeling in his hands again.
“You make me happy too.” Jack says simply and continues eating breakfast.
You raise your butter knife to point at each of the Winchesters and the Angel individually as you warn, “If anybody says so much as another word for the rest of breakfast I will find a way to shove this knife all the way inside of you until the handle isn’t reachable anymore.”
Everybody nods and continues eating. Cas shrugs, Sam smiles nervously, Dean shakes with internal laughter, and Jack blinks obliviously.
Hours later, after the utensils are safely put away and out of reach, Dean walks up behind you on the couch.
“I mean, Cas isn’t wrong. It is pretty obvious.” he says quietly to you, prompting you to snag the pillow next to you and bash him in the face with it. He jumps back and raises his arms defensively, but adds as a last note, “I mean, I thought you were already together when you were sneaking out of his room in the morning.”
You grab the remote and chuck it at Dean’s head but he grabs it mid-air and tosses it gently back at you before sprinting out of the room.
You feel very conflicted.
You’ve just spent a very long time accepting this new part of yourself. Well...it felt new. It was probably always a part of you if you think about it...but acknowledging it is new.
So...what if you’re bi-sexual? It doesn’t matter any more than being straight or gay or asexual when you’re a hunter. Doesn’t it?
Unless...you’re dating another hunter you guess.
You decide to get the final pictures to put in your portfolio, even though you’ve been avoiding the outrageously gorgeous images of Jack all day.
Well..that doesn’t help the situation does it... or Does it? Doesn’t that mean that you do like Jack? I mean..the guy is part angel, of course he’s attractive. Doesn’t mean you’re in love with him.
Though you do love him. But ...like that? Also, you’ve met some unattractive angels. Haven’t you?
You get to the dark room and pull the final prints to inspect and choose the winner.
You go to your room and spread the prints across your bed. You hold up the picture you chose as phase 1 to compare to the phase 2 results. They’re all so beautiful. Maybe you are a master photographer after all.
You close your eyes and point to one at random. He’s sitting on the motorcycle stiffly, with a deep wrinkle in his forehead as he tries to balance on the handlebars. You chuckle.
It’s partially covering one up and you pull it out to place it on top. You lay the first photo side by side.
The contrast is perfect! Look at the color, the softness, the joy. And the darkness, the roughness, the loneliness.
...The loneliness in his eyes. Your heart aches. It clenches to see any bit of sadness in his eyes, especially next to such a bubbly photo full of pure joy.
You sigh.
You pick up the two photos and walk over to Jack’s room. You tap your knuckles on the door and crack it open to see Jack sitting against the headboard again.
“I think these are the winners.” You raise up the photos in front of yourself and he smiles at them.
“You’re really cool! I look so different.” He says with an approving nod.
“Great.” You tuck them under your arm to put in your portfolio in a moment.
“Thanks Jack.” You look around his room, “Thanks for helping.” You put a hand in your pocket and turn around to go back to your room.
“Hey Y/N,” Jack stops you and you look back at him, “Could we actually go for another walk tonight?”
“Sure, Jack.” you smile.
By some anomaly today is a warm night. After many cold nights in a row, you’re able to ditch the jacket at home and enjoy a starlit walk without shivers.
You walk side by side, Jack leading the walk tonight through a path of trees. You follow silently, until Jack breaks the sounds of crunching leaves. “Y/N, I’ve been thinking about what you said.”
Your eyes widen and you decide to keep your mouth shut and hear him out before deciding to say anything.
“You said you are nobody special, and I haven’t had the chance to talk to you about that.” he says with a tinge of pain.
Oh. You feel half relief and half discomfort. “I may have been born Nephilim,” Jack says tactfully, “You have been born human. But being Nephilim is what makes me special.” He stops at a treeless patch at a ridge where a blanket is tucked between some rocks. He spreads out the blanket and sits down, looking to you as a signal to sit as well.
When you sit down he continues, “You are human. Which means everything about you is special.” He looks up at the sky.
“You chose to hunt. To protect other people. You chose to give up your regular life so other people can continue to life normally.”
“What other choice did I have once I knew the truth?” You interject.
“Anything. You could have ignored it - avoided it - chosen not to put yourself in danger anyway. We’ve met plenty of people who’ve done just that.” he retorts, and you guess he has a valid point.
“That you feel you did not have another choice doesn’t mean that you didn’t, it means that you care so much for the protection of this world that it didn’t seem like there was any other choice to you.”
He sees goosebumps run up your arms and decides to take his shirt off. You lean away from him and shriek, “What are you doing?”
He hands his t-shirt to you, “You’re cold, take my shirt.” and waits for you to accept his offer.
You are bewildered. You glance at his body, smaller than the Winchesters, but sculpted nonetheless. You feel yourself getting warm and protest, “Won’t you get cold?”
“No, I run a little bit warmer than you.” he says with a finality.
It’s true that he is always warm and you often reach for him on those chilly walks because he radiates heat.
“O-Okay..” you take his shirt and pull your arms and head through the holes, embarrassed to say that the reason you got goosebumps were because of his words, not the warm night air.
“Look, there’s Orion..” you point at the constellation in the sky, the easiest to spot in your opinion. You lean back on the blanket, inspecting the bright lights in the black endless expanse.
Jack leans back along with you. “You know, this was all made for you.” he says to you, “My Grandfather made this all for you.”
While you are taken by surprise, you attempt to correct, “You mean all people right?”
He shakes his head, “Not the way you think of it... I’ve heard some of your thoughts -” he stops and apologizes, “Sorry, I know you don’t like that. Sometimes I just hear them when I’m not thinking about anything.” You don’t say anything or push him in frustration, so he continues, “It’s not meant for all of humanity as a group. It’s meant for each individual person as an independent observer.”
He turns to face you, “That’s why you don’t have angel radio, you’re not meant to think together. You’re meant to experience everything as one person with your own experience.” He watches as you look up at the stars.
“So it is meant for you. You, Y/N.” the sincerity in his voice makes you turn to face him and you see his eyes sparkling in the night’s light.
“What you see is the most important part of the universe. What you see will only happen once in all of time, and you’re the only one who will see it ever again.” He searches your face as you stare deeply into his eyes, watching them move across your face in measured movements.
“You can see it any time you want, over and over again in your head, but no other human can. You’re special because you are the only you that will see what you see, make the choices that you make, or even make decisions the way that you do. No other person thinks like you, and that makes me glad, because I like the way that you think. And I know by being with you, I can see the way you think every day, and you surprise me every day when you make a new decision even though I thought you would do something else. No matter how much I think I know you, I still can’t predict you. I just have to be here with you and watch ....you happen.”
You stare at one another for a long time, not knowing exactly how long since the night time feels like one large infinite moment.
Any time you’re with Jack it feels like one large infinite moment. And he’s right, as much as you know him, he still takes you by surprise. And apparently, as much as you know yourself, you still have learning to do about what you will decide.
You prop up on your elbows and look from him to the sky, deciding that it’s not possible to know anything at all. Except that you’re here, and he’s here, and you’re both together right now.
“Jack, how do you know who you’re supposed to love?” you ask.
He props up on his elbows and looks at you indecisively.
“I’m not sure” He looks at the darkness ahead and back to you, “but I don’t think there is an exact person we are supposed to love.”
“I think I know, Jack.” You say, and lean against his chest, absorbing his warmth in the glowing night.
“HOW THIS BOY DOESN’T KNOW THE POWERS BUT CAN DISAPPEAR?!“ Dean was angry with Jack and his lack of control.
It was him, Sam, Castiel, and Donatello in that Motel room trying to understand the whole situation about Jack's powers and especially how to hide him from Lucifer when the boy could not handle all the pressure they were doing, as well as feeling guilty about getting trouble for Castiel and the brothers.
If he was a normal person, he probably would have started crying at the same moment, but he was only two months old, he did not know the feelings that surrounded his body yet.
God, he was so young to be the reason for the next end of the world.
"I told you not to piss him off, Dean!" - Sam unloads.
"It's not my fault if this whole shit is happening because of him!"
"If that's his fault, then I'm responsible for his mother's death, too."
The sepulchral silence that settled in was completely uncomfortable, denouncing the tenuous line between Sam and Dean Winchester who had been formed since Mary's disappearance.
***
Jack took a deep breath, seeking as much oxygen as he could to calm himself. They were about to panic, knew that the Winchester brothers wanted him to understand how to use their powers, but all that pressure only caught him even more. He did not know how but had come to stop in an outdoor setting, a park perhaps. He knew he was sitting on a bench receiving direct sunlight. By the noise of the wind it should not be too far from a grove. The noise of the cars was very muffled which meant being far from the city. Jack just wanted to understand how he managed to stop in a park when he felt a weight on his feet.
“But what is this?” He lifted his head enough to see a pug lying under his feet.
“THEREZA!” He lifted his face in the direction of the voice, facing you running toward him, yelling at the dog.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not Thereza.” Jack felt embarrassed at the approach of a teenager with no one around to guide him or even protect him from you.
If Dean was present he would have laughed at the situation: soon Lucifer's son was terrified of talking to a girl.
You stopped about a meter away from him, taking a breath for the race. You fingered for him to wait until he was finally recovered enough.
“I'm sorry for Thereza, um ..”.
“Jack.”
"I'm sorry for Thereza, Jack. She does not usually get so lazy that way. " You look ugly to the bitch who only responds with an excited bark, if nestled even more at Jack's feet.
"I ..." He was speechless.
"Are you afraid of dogs? Is that why you're so pale and still? " You sat next to him on the bench. At least he already knew from whom the bitch had learned to invade personal space.
"Actually, this is the first time I've seen one.” Jack says rather awkwardly, getting used to his presence.
“Where you live? Naked cave? " You were completely indignant about the situation already.
"Well, technically, a Bunker, but not a war.”
"That would not stop you from seeing a dog. You have what, nineteen years?
"Actually, I'm only two months old.”
You opened your mouth to object but then closed it. You looked at him intensely before finally responding with a laugh.
"You know, people usually lie to their age, but I think you overreacted a little bit.
"You do not look so old." Jack did not feel so uncomfortable for the first time, releasing his curious, communicative side.
"It's because I'm not. I'm only sixteen, I still do not have to change years for months. " You poked him in the arm, clearly implicating him.
Jack was only surprised, feeling a shock where his shoulder shocked.
"Is it my impression or are you implying me?"
“Who knows?”
Jack did not know what the hell was going on here, just that it was one of the best feelings he'd experienced in the past two months. He was completely hypnotized by you - even though he was technically older and younger at the same time. He only wondered why he wanted to smile even though he had exchanged half a dozen words. His hands, because they sweated so much? And the heart, that was not his normal beating.
Jack was so young that there was no time for anyone to explain to him what it was to fall in love, let alone what it was. Poor thing, he had added one more item to the list of why not get out of control. He honestly did not know what could happen by being there alone.
***
"Sam, Dean, I think I'm getting a signal.” Castiel broke the weather that was getting worse. "He is very weak, but surely he is.”
"Where is it, Cas?"
"He must have gotten out of control again, otherwise he would have no reason to be on the Angels' radio." Castiel was silent for some time trying to decode what was said. "He looks kind of desperate. Something is happening that he has no idea what it is.”
“Do you track him?”
"Dean, he's a blinking dot in the dark, but of course I can track him down!"
***
“Thereza is a very cute little thing, shame that I suck so much.” Jack wiped his hand on his pants as he held the dog in his lap, stroking his ears.
"She just drooled at the closest.”
“As well?” He shifted the dog's attention to you slightly confused.
"I want to say she liked you." As if to confirm, the pug let out another bark, licking Jack's fingers.
He just laughed with all that. You were the first person in two months that was not with him demanding anything, just throwing talk and treating him like the real baby he was: paying attention.
"But maybe she's not the only one, you know?"
He did not answer, tried to understand himself, failed miserably.
“That's the saying, right? Such a mother, such a daughter. I know I'm only sixteen and you're nineteen - which technically makes it kind of wrong - but I could not help noticing how cool you are, Jack. This innocent way is so ... captivating! I need to go now, but I want you to have my number. I do birthday in a few months, it should not be so inappropriate from there. " You gave him a piece of paper with your number, getting close enough to kiss your right cheek. She found it lovely to walk away and find the boy completely red.
"I still think seventeen years and less than a year do not go together.” He responds in a daze.
"You have time to think about it. " You wink and walk out Thereza, pinched to pee.
That was one more reason to make Jack lose his temper. What the hell had happened here? Had he ... flirted?
"You mean pretending innocence is synonymous with conquering girls?" Jack listened to Dean's serious tone not far away. You could tell that the blonde held as much of the laughter as he could, no matter how annoyed he was.
"Can anyone explain to me what happened here and why is my heart irregular?" Jack was desperate for help.
"Come on in, we'll explain to you." Sam invited him.
"I think you're too early to have that conversation with him, Sammy. The boy is only two months old!”
“Shut up and drive, Dean.”
Really, two months was being too young for that conversation, but not enough to stop the end of the world.
AO: I have to Clarify a few things. The story takes Place in the Middle of Season 12 The only thing that changed is that Jack is Born. so Crowley is still alive and Mary is still fighting with the British man of Letters. But she will be here soon.
Lies. I Thought I had escaped them when I fled from Ohio. But once again I was wrong. I Waked up in a Dark Room My Hands were Tied up and attached to the ceiling. Me feet didn’t touch the Ground. I looked up to my hands they were bloody. In the room was a Chair and a metal table. I recognized the Tools on the Table. My Family in Ohio used tools like this to Torture me. The room was so dark I couldn’t see more. I tried to free me but I couldn’t. I tried to Remember what Happened. Steve he showed up in the Middle of the night and held a gun at me.
-
“Now drop the Knife. We dint want to Hurt Anybody” I dropped the Knife and he Smiled “Good Girl, Now Sleep” Then he hit me with the Pistol on the back of my Head.
-
I knew that if Sam and Dean would enter the room they wouldn’t find me there. I looked up when I heard a door open. Someone turned on the Lights and I needed a little bit to see something. “How is our guest doing?” I looked in to a Man’s face and didn’t answer. He smiled “You know the Rumors that a new Winchester family member appeared spread very quickly.” Behind the man were 3 Other ones with heavy Guns. “You probably think that we are the bad guys, but were just saving you” I looked at the man without emotions in my face “Do you know what these two Winchesters want to do with you? Do you think that if you mean something to Dean he would just let you hunt? No he Wouldn’t they are using you” His words Hurt but I couldn’t let him see it. The guy in front of me came closer “They are Using you, we want to save you from all this. From Lucifer hell and everything The Winchesters are confronting. “ I didn’t say anything because I had no idea what I could say. “Where the Winchesters go follows death. Did they told you about their friends? They followed them and they are dead. Why do you think Sam and Dean are the only ones still here? They don’t care about others” I Laughed “And What do you want from me?” He looked surprised “I want to talk” I laughed again “Yes. Talk. Is this why you have these tools there?” he looked to the table “well this is in case you won’t answer our questions.” I Smiled “Well then you should start using them because I ain’t listening to your shit anymore” The man shook his head “ And I thought that you were different” he gave one of his man a sign. One of them put a camera in a Corner of the room. “Oh you are wondering why there is a Camera? We will hurt you very bad. And every day we will send a video to the Winchesters. Maybe after that they are willing to answer the questions you aren’t answering.”
I lost track of the Time. I could have been here Days, Months, even Years or I could have been here a few hours. I was pretty proud of myself I never even once screamed or cried while they had their fun cutting me. The Man in the beginning came once in a while and asked me Questions, but I never answered them. Right now I had thousand cuts everywhere . I started to call the man who tortured me Harald, don’t know his real name ,he Came back with a Bucket of water “Oh Harald I missed you. This were the longest 5 minutes without torture. “ He didn’t said anything like always. He poured the bucket over me. “Thanks I was really thirsty” He threw the bucket in the other part of the room and smiled. “Whats up herald did you wife finally left you for somebody who locked like a human?” He came closer and in his right hand he had a teaser. “Great” I signed. Then he electroshock me. I almost screamed but kept it all in. After a while the man who talked to me when I first got here came back. I call him asshole. Just because I couldn’t think of something better. “You really impressed me and all the others Y/N. No one got through this and still had his sarcasms. Really bad that you are on their side. You are so loyal and strong well to bad. So you didn’t answered the last question so here is another one for you. We want to know how the relationship between the Winchesters and the script of god was” I Looked at him “Well how is your relationship with Harald?” He looked at me and then to Harald “Kept going she won’t play this game forever”. He went out of the room and Harald stood before the table with the Tools picking one out. A fire burner. He smiled and started burning my left foot. After that he took a normal knife and started cutting me. He stopped when we heard gunshots outside the door. I caught him out of guard and kicked the Knife out of his hands, I taught it and I cut the rope. And fell to the ground. Harald stood up and I did too. I was faster than him and put the knife in his torso. He felt to the ground and I took his shirt because walking around naked with wounds wasn’t a good idea. The shirt only coward the most privates parts. I took the knife and tried to stand up. “Fuck this hurts” I opened the door I saw no one I only heard Gunshots. I walked forward and I heard The asshole screaming orders. I started to see black dots I sure lost a lot of blood. I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath. Somebody walked around the corner and saw me, to late he had my knife in his throat. I took it and started walking again. “They’re everywhere, retreat!” I turned left and saw somebody in the floor. I Started running and was about to stab the guy when he said “Hey Y/N Calm. It’s Me Jack” I looked at him with tired eyes and smiled “Oh hey what’s up” He looked at me confused “Not much just trying to save you” I nodded “Cool How is it going” he Was about to lift up my shirt I stopped him “What are you doing?” He looked at me confused “You are hurt I wanna see how bad, I mean I saw the videos but-“ I Shook my head “Forget it.” He looked at me “I can carry you” I wanted to decline but if I walk e few steps I’m sure that I will fall. “Ok”. I was on jacks back and he walked through the Tunnels. “Here” he gave me his phone “Call them and say that you are safe” I nodded and called Dean First “Jack I’m busy right now. Whats-” I smiled “Hey Dean Jack told me to call you. I’m safe.” Dean answered immediately “Thank god Y/N I’m so sorry. Jack we will met outside” I hung up the phone and rested my head on jacks back. “Thank you” I whispered. Jack looked back to me confused “for saving me and for carrying me around” jack laughed “It’s all right. I’m Happy that I found you. But I’m sorry that we took so long to save you” I smiled “It’s ok ” My eyes started to feel heavy. “Jack keep talking I need it to stay awake” He turned around a corner “Ehm Did you Know that I Love nougat? I ate it once and since then I couldn’t stop eating it. “ I smiled shivering a little. When Jack turned around he started talking again “You can’t imagine how worried we all were. Y/N You Can’t fall asleep right now ok? I know you have lost a bad amount of blood but you can do it. After all you are a Winchester” I hummed closing my eyes. “But I’m so tired Jack” He opened the door to the outside and a cold wind met us. I shivered even more. I Could hear voices in the Distances and without realizing it we were in The Impala. I laid in the Backseat my head in Jacks lap and my feet laid on castiel’s lap. They were screaming and first I couldn’t understand the words but then I did “-Mean cas? Why doesn’t it work?” I saw castile looking angry “I don’t know dean! It’s like something is Blocking her so that I can’ heal her” Sam looked up his Phone “Turn around left we have to go to the Hospital” I Moved a little bit and sighed. Everybody was looking at me Jack grabbed my face. “We are bringing you to a Hospital” I Shook my head “I don’t need-“ Dean interrupted me “Listen Y/N I Love you but Right now I don’t care what you think you need or what you don’t need! We are bringing you to a hospital” I sat up against Jack and castile. I looked down and saw that the Shirt I had on was full of blood. Castile looked at me “Why can’t I heal you?” I took his Hand in mine and smiled at him “No one can cas” I whispered. He looked at me confusing. “What do you mean” I looked to jack He looked confused as well. I could feel how I was about to die. I took a big breath and said “Dean they are going to kill me in the Hospital. I can’t go in there. The way to help me is to clean the wounds and but bandages around” I closed my eyes and bit on my Lips. I didn’t felt the Pain earlier but right now I could fell every single cut and it burned like hell. Somebody grabbed my left hand and I opened my eyes jack had it. Dean Stopped the Impala on the side of the road. And turned around like sam and Sam said “What do you mean Y/N” I Shook my head, eyes closed again “I can’t right now, could you just please stop the bleeding” Sam looked at Cas “ we’re changing places I will take care of Y/N. Dean drive to Jody’s House it’s not far away from here”. Sam took care of most of my wounds. He only left the one’s in the Private parts. Jack hold my hand the Whole time and said things like “It’s going to be ok. You can do it” And honestly these words helped me a lot. He always knew when I was about to fall asleep so he would tell me about the things he saw or the things he didn’t understood first. Sam looked had the whole ride tears in his eyes and I heard him say sorry under his breath. I wanted to say something but I was too weak. Dean called jody and told her we were on the way and he asked almost every five minutes how I was doing. Jack always said “She will get through this” I don’t know how long we drove but when were there sam Picked me up Bridal style and Walked to the House. I couldn’t see this Jody women but I heard her voice and two other ones. “Sam put her down here on the Couch” Said Jody and he did. I realized that Jack wasn’t next to me. I needed his comments that I would make it I need someone who believed it because I didn’t. I had my eyes still closed I was to weak to open them. I Lifted my left arm a little bit “Jack” I whispered. Somebody grabbed my hand “hey everything is ok. You will survive” I relaxed immediately when I heard him. I heard a voice I couldn’t identify “Jody what happened?” I heard jody saying “Claire bring me the med kit and then everything we have in this house what has something to do with medicine Now! You boys go Out!” I squeezed Jacks hand. “Ok you can stay here just turn around!” I tried open my eyes but I could only open one “No Stiches” She looked at me in confusion “Girl you need them you-“ I shook my head and closed my eye again “No stiches” I stayed awake the hole time she cleaned my wounds and when she finished I felt asleep.
I waked up in a bed. It was pretty Comfortable and I looked around the room was little the walls had a light blue and other Furniture. I Looked at the chair next to my bed and I saw Jack siting in it. He still hold my hand and smiled at me “How are you feeling?” I Sat up a little “better than before” He stood up and gave me a glass water “Thanks” I took a few sips and gave the glass jack again. He put it in the little table next to the bed while I tried to stand up. “Hey wait you shouldn’t move!” He put his hands on my shoulder and I put my right hand over his one on my shoulder “I Really have to get up.” He looked at me “Why?” I smiled “Because I want to Jack. I’m better now “ He slowly took his handy away and stood there. I stood up and tried to walk a few steps. “See I can walk” He didn’t say anything. I opened the door and heard Voices. I went to them and entered what seemed a living room. I Smiled when I say Sam and Dean They stood up immediately “He-“ they hugged me and I felt so much Pain in this Moment but I Smiled and hugged them Back. They took me to a couch were I sat. a women brought me Tea I looked up “oh Thank you very much ehm Jody?” The women Nodded. “Yes This girl there is Claire and the other one Alex” I Smiled “Nice to Meet you” Alex smiled and Claire just nodded. I looked to Sam and Dean. “It’S Alright” they looked like I had gone Crazy Dean stood up and said “Alright? Y/N Stop saying this. You know just as well that Nothing is alright! Do you Know how you look like? Like a fucking Dead Person and you almost became one!” Sam took my hand “Why didn’t you told them the answers Y/N We were more than ok with this” I Put the cup of tee down and looked at sam “It was my Choice to not tell them and Dean” I looked at him now “ I’m Not dead so stop making such a Drama about this!” He looked even more furious “I shouldn’t make a drama about this? Y/N Do you know what just happened? Do you Know why they did that? Because of us and we knew that something like this would have happened sooner or later !. do you even realize what they did to you?” I Stood up to regretting it instantly I felt a few wounds that opened again. But right now I was mad so I didn’t care “Did you Really just Asked me This? Do you think I’m Not feeling the Pain or remember every cut? You don’t know what they did to me because there were things that they didn’t record!” I regretted these words as soon as they leaved my mouth. Sam Asked behind me “What did they do Y/N?” I Shook my head and sat on the Couch again “Nothing forget it “ Sam Looked so broken. Jody came to sit across the couch on an armchair. “I’m going to change the Theme of multiple reasons. Y/N Why did you said that the Hospitals were going to kill you and that you can’t have stiches?” Dean went to the kitchen and Sam sat on the Other end of the Couch. I Looked at Jody “I don’t really know what is wrong with me but one time my parents Hurted me to hard and I had to go to the hospital and when they gave me painkillers, the pain got worse and when I got stiches the cut got deeper. Since then always when I try to fix myself it won’t work. So the only thing I can do is cleaning the wounds and putting a bandage around it” Jody nodded “Could it been a Spell” she asked at no one specific. Castiel stood next to her and looked at me “Possible but Somebody extremely strong should have done that but why?. I can’t remove it The spell is too strong” I took a sip from the Tee and looked then at Jody “can I use your Bathroom?” She smiled at me “Yeah You don’t have to ask sweety its the first door down there” I smiled and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror my face was full of bruises and little cuts. I Looked down my body and almost every centimeter was covered by bandages. I signed and went out the Bathroom. I went Outside. I needed fresh air . I walked a little and sat on a wooden bench. “Y/N” I turned around and saw Claire walking towards me I made some free space for her on the Bench and she sat beside me. “I Know we don’t know each other very well but I heard what Sam and dean told Josy about you and your past” I nodded “They weren’t your Parents you know that right?” I looked at her “they were something” She nodded “Yes something but not your Parents” We saw Alex walking towards us and She sat down in front of us on the ground. She smiled sadly “I Know what they did to you. I mean it doesn’t need much to understand. And I Know how hard this has to be Y/N. And I also know that you don’t want to talk about this right know. But Sam and Dean are a part of our Crazy family and so are you! Me and Claire are always there for you if you want to talk ok?” I Smiled at them “Thank you” Alex smiled back “I know this is Probably not the right moment but Is Jack your Boyfriend?” I looked at her shocked and felt the heat rising up my face. Claire next to me said “Really Alex?” Alex laughed “hey we are friends. And I mean I’m not going to say anything. Also I know you want to know it too!” Claire rolled her eyes “Alex you’re wrong” Alex looked at me again and raised an eyebrow “And?” I shook my Head “I just met him like two times” Alex nodded “Right I Forgot. I just Thought it Because I saw you holding his hand in the Car and when you were on the Couch you wanted to hold his hand” I nodded still having red checks “He helped me not falling asleep and ha said those things that made me believe that I could make it” Claire looked at me “ but do you like him?” I looked to the ground “I don’t know” Alex stood up and gripped my hand “Come on you have to eat something” We three went inside and to the kitchen. There was a little island where I took a seat while Alex made something to eat for me and me and Claire talked. Jody walked in the Kitchen and looked surprised “What are you doing?” Claire saw to her and said “We’re making Y/N something to eat” Jody smiled and went out of the kitchen. Claire looked at me “Did you know that castile was my father?” I looked at her in surprise and shook my head “yeah he was well his vessel, Jimmy, I thought my father was dead I was pretty surprised when I saw him again walking around” I Nodded “Must have been pretty rough” Claire smiled “yes it was” Alex gave me a bowl with soup In it “Thank you two so much” they smiled and let me eat my soup. After I Finished my soup Dean entered the Kitchen “Listen Y/N I’m sorry but do you know how I feel? I thought I would give you a normal and save life by giving you to another family, and oh how wrong I was and then I knew that leaving you in this motel meant only trouble, and what did I do? Nothing” I Looked at him with tired eyes “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble” He had tears in his eyes “Don’t ever say this again you heard me?” he hugged me and I nodded “Dean Can we stay here only this Night I’m So tired?” He gave me a sad smile “We’re gonna stay here till tomorrow ok” I Smiled “thanks dean” we two went to the living room where Sam was Waiting he wanted to say something but I went to hug him “Y/N I’M sorry” I just hugged him and the smiled. Dean and Sam went out talking while I searched Cas. I found him in the Backyard “Cas?” He looked over to me and smiled. “Can I Talk to you for a second?” He nodded “What’s bothering you?” I looked at a tree which was standing in the backyard “Do you feel emotions Like Love?” He looked at me confused “Yes” I nodded “What does it feel like?” Cas thought about it a while “ Whenever you see the person you’re in love with you smile and feel happy. You want to be there for them in every little step in their life. At least I heard people saying it like this. I love my family and I Would do everything for them. “ I looked at the sunset “Thanks Castiel” He looked at me “Anytime” I went inside and went to the room I waked up. I found jody in it “Oh sorry I Thought-“ Jody smiled at me “this Is your room while you stay here ok?” I looked at her surprised “Ehm Thank you” Jody came to me “I told you. You don’t have to say sorry” She hugged me and went outside the room . I sat on the bed and laid down. Someone knocked on my door “It’s open” Jack came in and close the door behind him “Hey how are you ?” I Still Laid on the bed “I don’t know” He laid besides me and said “What’s wrong?” I looked at him “besides the Pain? I don’t know I feel like I only cause trouble. Sam and Dean are worried and stressed and Only because of me.” He Looked at the ceiling “Trust me They are always stressed and worried, and its not your fault. And you don’t Cause Trouble.” I laughed “But it feels like it” He stood up and took my hands in his “come Dinner is ready” I looked at him “I’m not Hungry” He shook his head and he pulled me up on my feet “You are going to eat something” He dragged me out of the room to the diner room where everybody was waiting I Sat down next to Claire and Jack. Alex leaned a little over the the table and raised an eyebrow “What were you two doing?” She whispered .I felt the Heat rising up my cheeks again “Alex shut up. They are going to hear it” I whispered back and Claire Laughed. Everybody looked at us and I looked down at my Plate. Jack gave me a worried look “Are you alright? Do you have fever?” I Shook my head “It’s Nothing”. Alex gave me through the dinner always some looks who I started to ignore. After dinner I said Good night to everybody and went to bed.
In waked up in the Middle of the Night. I had nightmares. I Decided to grab a glass water and try to sleep again I put a blanket around my shoulders an went to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass of water when I heard some noises from the living room. I Saw that the TV was on and jack was locking some tv show. “Hey Couldn’t sleep?” I asked sitting on the Couch next to him. He gave me a little smile “I don’t sleep much” I looked at him confused but then I understood. “And you why are you awake?” I looked at the TV “Nightmares” Was the only thing I said. “Ehm I read that talking about them should help so if you want to talk I’m here” I smiled “Thanks Jack. But I would rather forget about them as soon as I can” He nodded and we watched the Tv for a while took my glass water “Ok I’m going to sleep again good night Jack” He smiled after me “Good night Y/N”
