We have millions of pictures together. There are some with our friends in it, and some where it's just you and I. I've gotten rid of a few, but they were the ones i looked at and cried because... back then i was so niave. i never thought we'd change. no, scratch that, i knew I would never change, it was you i thought that wouldn't change. but you did.
Back then you had your head screwed on real tight. I really thought it would have stayed that way, because you know the words "I'll stay good forever for you" are a little believing. I guess S(he) Be(lie)v(ed) really explains it all.
You used to talk about your future. Alot. I was there, and so were all the other people you care about. But now all it seems is that this big leafy plant is your chosen future. you chose an artificial emotion over me and it stung. alot. It's not like you ditched plans to chill, you chose to get f*cked instead of holding me when i cried, telling me it's going to be okay, and making sure nothing could hurt me. And it's not like you didn't know that would happen you'll call me a hypocrite for being angry every time you're out of it, but you're wrong. the difference is, it's not my life, i know the difference between when to and when not to. i know when to lay back and have a good time and when to stay sober.
"but," you'd say "i'm sober everytime i go to work or band, i clearly know the difference" well no hun, you really don't. the only reason you're sober at band or work is because you'd be kicked out other wise. and you know it. Then you'd rhym off a few times you've been sober and i'd throw back right at you the fact that when you are sober you take that time to be a miserable grouch. you're never the boy we loved anymore. you'd say no one else has pointed any of this out, but they have. No one's just going to tell you AND no one's been hurt like the way you hurt me.
You'd proceed to tell me that this was one time, give it a rest, chill out and forgive you. But it wasn't just one time. you haven't called to see how i'm doing, or even ask how things went. if i cried, if i'm happy, if i'm sad, if i'm scarred, what the outcome was, nothing. i bet you don't even know i layed in bed for a week and didn't get out.the one person i ever expected to be talking to me when i felt like sh*t would have been you, but it wasn't. I thank the boy who was the only one i talked to. I bet he doesn't even know that he filled your place better than you have in a long time. you haven't even sent me a text apologizing
You haven't done anythingyou always promised to do or anything you would ahve done. the last time you and i hung out, it wasn't me and you hanging out. it wasn't the happiness i feel when i'm with you, it was me and this horrible horrible stranger. this guy who has his head so far up his ass, and was so focused on his next high it barely felt like i existed in your presence. no one who's ever ment anything to me has made me feel the way you did that night. i had to walk by your house two days ago. i was with megan and she had to hold me back so i didn't run to your house screaming bloody murder and slap you.Turns out it doesn't matter if she held me or not, you weren't even home. you were out getting stoned. what a surprise eh? Don't tell me it's your "demons" taking over. Don't tell me you have enough of them to turn you into this. Because this, makes a demon looked tamed. You'd tell me "I told you i used ot be like this" and i'd laugh, because no, you were never like this. You'd say "i was like this before i met you" and i'd laugh harder because even the people who knew you back when i didn't said this was never you. People change; i get that. People have rough patches and i get that. People are hurt by other people, and hey you know very well that i completely know that. But people don't lose themselves like you have unless they're going the wrong way. There's alot more i could say to you, believe me. And the momnet you decide to get off your scrawny butt and talk to me, you'll hear it all. so I'll just wait. but i'm forwarning you now, if i ever see you before you try talking to me you're going to see something even i haven't ever seen come from me. Thanks for making sure to point out the fact love isn't real. You did a fantastic job.
I was so hurt and angry. I remember he saw me crying once and tried to hold me but i threw him off. A while later we began talking again, I was chopping for him and he was providing me with free weed. we've finally gotten better, but this shows perfectly how he broke me. Goes to show yu can't trust anyone
