QUESTIONS & DIALOGUE INSPIRATION FOR YOUR MENTOR CHARACTERS. Some questions coaches ask to assist people toward a path of purpose:
What do you already know about what you were made to do?
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? What roles attracted you?
What roles or responsibilities do you enjoy and feel good at? What sucks you dry?
Name three specific things that would definitely be part of your ideal job or role, and three things that definitely wouldn’t.
What has your life experience told you about your destiny?
What relationships or people have influenced your sense of destiny? How?
How would a good friend describe what you are like? Which of your traits seem to stand out to others?
What are you great at? What are your best talents or natural abilities?
What do you feel has been revealed to you about your destiny or calling?
What sense of purpose have you drawn from your culture or community?
Michael Bungay Stanier (2016) advises coaching in 10 minutes or less. His approach focuses on 7 questions leaders can use to help their teams. They are:
The kickstart question: What’s on your mind?
The awe question: And what else?
The focus question: What’s the real challenge here for you?
The foundation question: What do you want?
The lazy question: How can I help?
The strategic question: If you’re saying “yes” to this, to what are you saying “no?”
The learning question: What was most useful for you?
There are times in one’s career when a person might feel lost or ready to make a change, but fear and uncertainty are holding them back.
This is when a coach can ask just the right questions to help the person discover the answers they need. Often, the coachee knows the answer but needs someone to reflect or affirm that they are moving in the direction they desire.
Here are 13 questions a coach can ask to do this:
What are you passionate about?
How do you want to contribute?
What do you want to learn?
How much does the organization need you?
How much do you need the organization?
What was your original vision when you started your career? How has it changed?
What aspects of your current job directly relate to your vision?
What would you like to be doing in five years?
What part of that could you do now?
How do you plan and prepare so that you can be in that role in five years?
What would you say are your best strengths?
How are you using them in your current role?
How could you increase how much you are using your strengths?
This is not exhaustive. These are a jumping-off point.
Using appreciative inquiry (AI) as a starting point helps clients gain confidence in their ability to make immediate, lasting changes.
Appreciative inquiry questions highlight “the true, the good, and the possible” (McQuaid, 2015).
The focus is on operating from a positive rather than a negative mindset.
AI involves 4 elements, called the 4-D cycle, initially developed by David Cooperrider and Suresh Srivastava (n.d.). They are:
Discovery – When you’re engaged, energized, and enjoying life, what are you doing?
Dream – If you could do what you do best more consistently, what might be possible?
Design – How can you move from where you are to where you want to be?
Destiny – If there were one action you could take, where would you be willing to start?
Frequently applied to organizations seeking change, these same ideas work with individuals. Dr. Lynn Jones (n.d.) developed a series of questions coaches can use with clients. For example, when working with someone who has an entrepreneurial spirit, you might ask:
What could you imagine doing if you knew you couldn’t fail?
What will it mean to you when you are successful?
What would success look like?
What would success feel like?
What is the upside to successful effort?
What have you accomplished already?
Each of these questions requires the person to reflect, discover, and then dream about their future in a positive way. AI questions ask what the person wants more of, and how one small step gets them closer to achieving their goal.
These questions from Vogt et al. (2003) aid in reflection and discovery. Rather than allowing outside forces to pull us in many directions, these questions help to hone in on what is essential.
What’s taking shape? What are you hearing underneath the variety of opinions being expressed? What’s in the center of the table?
What’s emerging here for you? What new connections are you making?
What had real meaning for you from what you’ve heard? What surprised you? What challenged you?
What’s missing from this picture so far? What is it we’re not seeing? What do we need more clarity about?
What’s been your major learning, insight, or discovery so far?
What’s the next level of thinking we need to do?
If there was one thing that hasn’t yet been said to reach a deeper level of understanding/clarity, what would it be?
Questions for Goal-Setting
Here are some questions a coach might ask, borrowed from the South African College of Applied Psychology (SACAP, 2019).
What is most important to you in life?
What are you most proud of in life?
When was the last time you woke up feeling optimistic or excited about the day ahead?
Where would you be if all obstacles in your way ceased to exist?
Where would you be if you had unlimited resources?
Where do you fear ending up if nothing changes?
Is there anything you believe in so strongly that you would be willing to sacrifice for it?
When goal setting, it is important to identify any potential obstacles. Doing so allows for the opportunity to create “if–then” responses to them as necessary.
SACAP also suggests asking the following questions to assist with obstacles.
Are there any steps you could take right away that would significantly improve your situation?
Which of your goals require assistance from other people, and which ones depend entirely on you?
What obstacles have you faced in the past, and how did you overcome them?
What mistakes have you made in the past, and what did you learn from them?
What is the biggest issue on your mind today/this week?
What are the biggest issues you face daily?
Assisting to identify and clarify attainable goals is one of the roles of any coach.
Questions for Decision-Making
Sometimes people find it difficult to make decisions. When this happens, the right questions from the coach can make a big difference. Stoltzfus (2008) recommends the following:
How will you make the decision?
What factors will make the most difference to you?
What do you need to know to make a great decision?
What would a great decision look like?
How do you usually make decisions?
What other decision strategies could you use? Which methods do you want to try?
He also includes 13 decision-making strategies because some people do not know or recognize the strategy they are using. They even might not realize others exist.
A few examples are:
Principled: “How do the key principles and priorities you live by apply here?”
Counsel: “What does your partner think? How about some key friends or advisors?”
Rationale: “What are the pros/cons of pursuing each option? Which is most advantageous?”
Spiritual: “What decision would best align with your faith? What is God saying to you on this?”
Negative drives: “What fears or inner drives are influencing your response? How could you remove those things from the equation so you can make a better decision?”
Cost: “What would it cost in terms of time and resources to do this? What would it cost if you don’t do this? What’s the cost if you don’t decide or let circumstances overtake you?”
