Discover Top Posts Tagged with #jbffa

Garbo surveyed me up and down, taking a long drag of his cigarette and finishing it before starting. "I've known Joe a little bit longer than you have and I hate to break it to you, he would. Any guy in his position would, especially if they had a girl like you. But, I will say this: he won't wait for marriage, but he does want to be in love."

"Love," I pushed the word around my mouth like I was preparing to spit it out. That was too heavy of a word to just throw out there, and too foreign a concept for me to even start to wrap my mind around, "Then there's nothing to tell. Joe and I aren't in love."

"You sure about that?" And Garbo stuffed his hands in his pockets, going back inside to leave me with a billion more questions.

Chapter 11 - Don’t Trust Me

If there is one thing I’ve learned while on summer vacation, it’s that it pays to be the biggest band in the world right now. French wine, days spent on the beach, nights out on the town, it was no wonder the rich and famous came here. Cannes was a playground.

Luckily, three quarters of us were legal, so we explored the south of France to the fullest... mostly it's nightclubs. It was a bit different without the band, but in a way, it was way better. This time, Joe and I weren't at each other's throats, instead opting to spend it on the dance floor, finding more dark corners to sneak off to, away from any possible prying eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy, this free. I loved being part of this family, and I loved being with him.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him as we took a walk along the beach on our last full day in this paradise. We both had been quiet, which was always welcome in my book, but Joe held a different quiet about him. He looked almost sad.

With a small sigh, he looked up and gave me a weak smile, "You, to be honest."

"Me?" That wasn't the answer I had been expecting, and I certainly hoped that thinking of me didn't make him sad.

"Yeah, but not in a bad way or anything. At least, I hope not bad." He was starting to scare me. Was he going to break up with me? Was he not having as much fun as I had been? "Have you thought about what is going to happen to us after your internship is over?"

The question hit me like a wave, icy at first and just plain uncomfortable. Sure I had, I thought about it before any of this had happened, but I really tried hard to push it out of my mind. I wanted to enjoy now with him, not waste it worrying about the future.

"Yes, of course," I started slowly, trying to choose my words as delicately as possible. Obviously, he had his own thoughts on this relationship and I didn't want to invalidate them, "It's hard to make any definitive plans right now, Joe, being that I don't know anything more than you do. What are your thoughts?"

"I was hoping that we would stay together, " he said plainly, not sugarcoating it, which right now, I appreciated, "I know we don't know anything, but I think that's okay. What I want is for you to get a job you like, and we'll figure out the rest of it."

It warmed my heart to hear him say that, but the logical part of my brain was screaming the obvious: long distance relationships are extremely difficult, and at not yet 19, Joe may be just a little bit naïve.

"I'm so happy that you understand that I want my own career and that I'm not going to put mine on hold for yours. But, at the same time, are you okay with the thought of being in a long distance relationship possibly?" It was hard to even say it, but I needed to know that he understood the gravity of what he was committing to.

When he didn't answer, I knew that he hadn't thought it through completely, and part of me was okay with that. Another part of me wanted to shake him and cry because he was doubting our future, but mostly I was okay with it. It wasn't that I was doubtful, because I really wasn't, but saying that you'll make it work and actually making it work were two different things.

Bending down, Joe picked something up off the sand, turning it over in his hands. He looked me in the eyes, a reassuring smile on his face as he took my hand in his, pressing the object into it. "I want to be with you, Mandy. Whatever it takes."

With a smile and a new lightness in my heart, I opened my hand to find he had given me a shell, dark indigo on one side, and pearly white on the other.

The flight back to the States was long and laborious, flying from Cannes to Paris, Paris to New York, then New York to LAX over the course of a day and a half. I was a zombie most of it, just shuffling along and doing what I was told, not wanting to get lost. Nick had somehow managed to squeeze the group into a secret show at the House of Blues when they got back, so the brothers and Kevin Sr mostly poured over plans and technicalities while Denise and I went over my article. I decided to skip the entirety of the vacation, being that it had nothing to do with the tour or the band and was a family function, plus it could come off as bragging in a way, how they were now afforded the opportunity to vacation in the south of France. I did add a little bit about how the family reacted when the photos surfaced, how they didn't panic, and how I did. Denise thought it was important to show how no matter what anyone writes, these boys, these three boys, are her sons, they are real people.

It felt a little weird, having this sort of power and in a way, new pressure. I already felt that I had to make this article good, not only for myself, but to not let Krissy down, and to get a job out of this experience. But now, I couldn't let Denise or the guys down either. I had been put in the position of enormous access, like no one ever had before, and I really couldn't screw it up. I didn't want to lose the trust of the family.

I have never been to LA, but I guess I didn't really expect what was happening. We had landed at LAX and were immediately greeted by cameras, not even waiting for us to leave the airport, and instead decided that baggage claim was a good spot. They shouted questions at the group, the guys opting to nod and smile but not answer anything. I walked, head down, just behind the guys with Frankie while Big Rob made a hole to the car, but I couldn't help and peek up when some of the questions were being directed at me.

How was vacation?

What's it like to be dating Joe?

Can we get a kiss?

All of it only soured my mood towards the press. While being "out" would possibly help to lessen the frenzy, I really thought it would only serve to make things worse. Once they got something, they would want everything. A soft hand on my back brought me back to the situation and I climbed into the car, Joe on my one side and Denise on the other.

"Don't worry about them. You're going to tell your story," she reassured and I gave a smile, knowing she was right. I laid my head on Joe's shoulder, closing my eyes for a bit. I was tired, physically and mentally. I wanted a cigarette but I knew that I wouldn't be able to get one until much later. It had been a long time since we had stopped moving and I was welcoming the change. The thought of sleeping in one bed, away from all the cameras and stupidity almost made me want to cry.

"Dani is landing at Burbank in about 2 hours," Kev reported to no one in particular, messing with his phone once again, "So we need to get back within an hour so the car can pick me up at home."

"We'll be there in plenty of time if the traffic is okay," Big Rob responded. From what I had heard, traffic in LA was notorious and that was not good. There were so many cars on the road trying to get away from the airport and it seemed like we would never get home. Joe snaked his arm across my shoulder and started rubbing my back, calming my nerves. I snuggled my face into his neck a little more, breathing him in deeply. God, he smelled so good, so comforting. All I needed was him and I would be home.

Thankfully, we did make it up to the house before Kevin had to leave again. The house the completely different than the New Jersey house. The Jersey house was a typical family home, enough space for everyone and everything, but a little cramped when that everything came back from traveling around the world. This house, this was a mini mansion, and not so on the mini side. It had a front gate and high wrought iron fences, so no one could climb and get in, something I never really thought about needing before. The house itself was a dark sage green with a red door, and besides being big, was generally inconspicuous. I found out very quickly that we weren't actually in Hollywood, although it was just on the other side of the mountain, and Disney's main offices were about a 10 minute drive. And from what I could glean from listening, they were not the only famous people on the block, though I didn’t dare ask who else was here.

We stepped into the house to a large light foyer with white marble flooring that wrapped around towards the back, and a hardwood grand staircase leading to the second floor. In an instant, the family scattered, but Joe took my suitcase and hoisted it up to the landing, making it look almost too easy. After nearly five weeks on the road, I had gathered my fair share of souvenirs that had weighed down my luggage considerably. All that working out clearly was paying off and I wouldn’t be a human female if I hadn’t stared at his arms, muscles flexing.

“Your house is insane…” I commented, whipping my head around to take in as much as I could. There were gold and platinum records on the walls, sprinkled in amongst the traditional family portraits and school pictures. It was almost funny how it still felt like their New Jersey house.

“It’s… necessary,” and he opened the door to a modestly sized guest room that had a view of the front yard and driveway, “When we got signed, we needed to be near the studios and offices and it was getting crazy living at the Oakwoods. So, my parents found this house, which was one of the only ones that was close to work and yet big enough for all of us, plus a few guests.” He seemed a little put out about living here, which baffled me a bit. "This place was amazing. But then again…"

“But it’s not home,” I finished for him, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He nodded gently and sat beside me, playing with my fingers absentmindedly. Chicago would always be my home, no matter where I lived. LA must be just as intimidating for him as it is for me.

“It still feels as foreign to me as a hotel suite. The house in Wycoff, that’s where I grew up. That bedroom, that’s my home, at least until I move out on my own.”

“You want to move out?”

“Well, yeah, eventually. I know that now wouldn’t be a good time, and I’m not ready, but probably within a year or so. Maybe when Nick finishes school up, he and I can get a place together,” he dreamed out loud and I couldn’t help but smile. A part of my heart ached for him, for that dream, and longed to be part of it, but the logical part of my brain knew that the odds were that I was never going to see that dream come true.

“Just know that you have a standing invitation at my place, wherever it is that I land,” I reassured and he matched my smile, leaning over to softly capture my lips in his own.

“Is that right? I can’t wait for sleepovers…” he whispered, a hand traveling up the side of my thigh as my fingers tangled in his hair. It had been so long since we had any real alone time and dreams of naughtiness flooded my brain, the thought of waking up next to him, skin to skin, his breath quickening at my touch, the longing at my core only getting worse with each passing moment.

“Mom wants your laundry in the next 2 minutes or else you won’t have any clean underwear,” Nick interrupted, Joe and I sitting back up from our laying position on the bed, his hair fluffy from my hands, my lips swollen, “And it would probably be better for us all if she doesn’t catch you guys like that.”

The blood rushed to my cheeks and I couldn’t help but look down, completely embarrassed. Of course I knew that Joe and I wouldn’t ever get any real alone time, but it was nice to pretend for a few moments. Joe tilted my chip up and placed a soft, tender kiss on my lips before leaving the room, presumably to get his laundry going. He may be a rock star, but when mom says to do your chores, you do you chores. I unpacked and sorted my suitcase, finding that I really didn’t have any clean clothes anymore, being that I hadn’t done laundry since being in New Jersey. It was almost depressing how few cute clothes I had; if it wasn’t a tee or jeans, it wasn’t in my wardrobe. The show was tonight and I wanted more than anything to look good. This was LA, the standards were much higher now.

This whole not moving thing was a little strange to me, which in and of itself was very strange. We would be here until the end of my internship and I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I took what little clothes that were still clean and hung them in the closet, placing my toiletries on the dresser and in the bathroom, and after about five minutes, I still didn’t know what to do. It bothered me that being in one spot wasn’t normal for me anymore. I had heard stories about catching the “travel bug” and never wanting to come off of tour, but I thought that only happened to the artists, not their staff. Sitting on my bed, I had to admit to myself: being on tour meant that I could ignore the outside world. Now that we weren’t constantly moving, the news could find me.

The front door closed and I heard Denise scream for a moment before running. It must have startled everyone in the house because Joe, Nick, and myself all poked our heads out of our rooms, Nick running to the bannister to look over.

“Dani’s here,” he informed us and a small wave of excitement moved through me. Finally, someone else who sort of knew how I felt. Joe looked over towards me and held out his hand, the two of us descending the stairs to meet everyone in the kitchen. There she was, sitting at the kitchen table, looking just how she looked over skype a week and a half before, her hair perfectly curled, wearing a cute dress and wedge sandals. She had been up earlier than us and flying for over five hours and she still looked better than me.

"Mandy! I'm so excited to meet you!" She exclaimed and stood, coming over and embracing me in a soft hug. I hugged her back in kind, a little taken aback that she was excited to meet me. Since London, all Kevin could talk about was her and how he couldn't wait to get home to see her, and she wants to meet me?

"Oh wow, you're Dani," I said, feeling like this piece of our tribe had come back. I had heard so much about her it was insane to finally be meeting her, "How was your flight?"

"It was eh, as early morning flight are, but then this guy showed up," and she put her arm around Kevin's waist, "With a car and flowers, and now we're here and there's bacon, so it's good now." I couldn't agree with her more about the being here part. Denise had already started with laundry and had every ingredient imaginable out on the kitchen island, making food for everyone. It was her way of bringing us all together. Now that we were all back and not tied to each other, it will be interesting to see how much the brothers really hang out. Everyone loaded up their plates but I passed, wanting to really get settled in my room and to clean up before we headed to the show.

Instead, I fell asleep on the bed, fully clothed and my monster pile of laundry on it too. I should probably have been more excited about meeting Dani and getting to be a part of their inner world, but I couldn’t really do it right this second. A nap was what I needed, and snuggling with my boyfriend would have made it perfect.

“Knock, knock…” a soft woman’s voice came from my door, waking me. Wiping the drool from my lips, I sat up, trying to make myself look presentable. Why was it that I always seemed to look like a complete disaster whenever Dani was around? “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were sleeping! I just wanted to see if you wanted some help getting ready…”

“No, no, it’s okay,” I assured her, pulling a hand through my hair and kind of glancing around the room, “You want to help?” It was a little confusing to me, her wanting to help me get ready. I wish that I could say that I would be fine getting ready on my own, but who was I kidding?

“Well, I really want to talk with you, but I’m bad at making excuses,” she explained, looking a little embarrassed. She had no reason to be embarrassed, I was the human tornado. After a sufficient amount of awkwardness between us, she said, "So what are you wearing to the show tonight?"

"I have no idea. I don't have anything except jeans and t-shirts," I explained, going through my clothes, both clean and dirty, "I mean, I guess this is no different than any other show on this tour, but at the same time, I kind of wanted to look good. I know that doesn't really make sense..."

"No, it does. At every other show you were just a member of the crew. Tonight, you're there as his girlfriend," she reasoned, helping me sort though the pile, not hesitating at all.

"Yeah, that's true..." I reasoned. I knew she was right. There was this unspoken pressure about tonight. It was the first show, the first public outing, since Joe and I got together. So far, any picture that had leaked, besides the red carpet ones, were less than flattering, and tonight I would be put back in the position of being spotted by their fans. I didn’t need to give them anything else to use against me.

“I don’t envy you,” Dani said outright, taking me back a bit.

“Are you supposed to?” I asked, not really sure where that came from. I never assumed that she was jealous or upset about all the attention I had been getting, especially because I didn’t want any of it myself.

“You know what I’m getting at. What I said when we first talked, how I would have loved to go to the awards with Kevin, I meant that, but I don’t envy the position it’s put you, and Joe, in. Kevin told me about all the press and the paparazzi basically following you guys from airport to airport, how the fishbowl has gotten much smaller since that night. I don’t wish that pressure on anyone, and I think you’re handling all of this incredibly. Much better than I would have, or will, once we go public.”

“Yeah, but Joe and I aren’t public,” I pointed out, throwing a particularly soiled shirt to a pile in the corner, “And I think that’s what makes all this harder, all the lies. But, at the same time, I don’t want to go public, not yet. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend.” I didn’t want to come off as a whiney ungrateful little girl, but if it were up to me, my boyfriend and I would be going to someone else’s concert, not his own tonight. “Why haven’t you and Kevin gone public?”

She kind of stopped for a second and I thought about taking back my question, but I really wanted to know the answer. They had been together longer, and while they hadn't been as public as Joe and I had been forced into being, so why didn't they just confirm they were together and stopped living in secrecy?

"Mostly for my sake, to be honest. We met before the band became what it is today, and when they first started out, it wasn’t really anything that anyone was interested in. It wasn’t until they were on Hannah Montana that the fans became any sort of issue, then Kevin, myself, my parents, and his parents all sat down and decided that we didn’t need to go public. We didn’t know what it would do to Kevin’s career and I didn’t want the added pressure that comes with that territory, as you know. If you watch any of their late night interviews or anything like that, notice that it’s always Joe who answers the girlfriend question. They do that on purpose.”

My mind went searching for anything that I could think of, but I couldn’t find an instance where I saw that. Then again, my whole view of the band was from the inside and I hadn’t spent any time on Youtube catching up on old videos.

“It was almost a blessing that the whole Miley situation blew up how it did because now, as bad as it sounds, Nick was taking all the heat, and there was a whole company backing their denial. But that’s why I don’t envy you at all. Kevin and I had a few months to date and be a normal couple before everything else became a factor. You, not only are you jumping in right in the eye of the storm, but now to have all the media trying to get pictures of the both of you together too? How are you handling it all?”

“Oh, you know…” I started nonchalantly, trying to keep the dream of a normal life from entering my brain and failing miserably, “Not well. They say I am, but I don’t feel like it’s all okay. You know that I was so scared to leave to hotel in Paris because of the Paparazzi that Joe and I had to sneak out at night to go see any of the sights?”

“You did not sneak out!” she gasped, mostly in shock, and she held up an oversized, thinning, white t-shirt, setting it to the side of all the rejected clothing.

“We did,” I nodded, “I was so distraught at the thought of being in Paris and not getting to see Paris, but I didn’t want to take the risk of being followed again. So I was going to go out alone but Joe caught me and wanted to come with. God, that night was so much fun.” The memory of kissing him at the top of the world, of the way he looked at me while he genuinely listened to me reminisce about the past, I couldn’t help but let a smile crawl across my lips. I longed to do nothing but walk down stairs and wrap myself up in his arms right this second.

“See, that stuff, those moment, those I am envious. But I also know that Kevin and I will have our own times,” she finished with a smile before holding the shirt back up again, “I have an idea for tonight that I think will look killer on you.” I hoped so because I was too nervous to do anything for myself.

Turns out, Dani is a hair stylist back in New Jersey and had a pretty great sense of style herself, so we settled on the big shirt, draped off of one shoulder. It was thin enough that anyone could see I was wearing a black bra, with my tightest black skinny jeans, ankle booties, and long drapey necklaces down my front. She added curls to my hair in no time flat and I topped it off with Joe’s bowler hat that I had pretty much stolen at this point. I had to say, I was liking this. It was cool and effortless, like Los Angeles. I looked my age and like I belonged backstage at a concert, hanging out with the band… even though that band was the Jonas Brothers.

“Jesus…” Joe commented as he came into my room, taking me by my hip and pulling me to him, the two of us getting lost in a deep kiss, his hips pressing into me. He was needy and I didn’t exactly mind it.

“O-kay, I’m going to go find my boyfriend…” and Dani excused herself as my fingers tangled in his hair.

“You’re going to drive me crazy all night with that black bra…” he growled against my lips and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“I take it you approve?” I finished with a small step back, Joe’s fingers trailing down my arms and taking a firm grip on my hands.

“I always approve. You’re beautiful, Mandy,” and I couldn’t help but blush. I didn’t know if I would ever get used to being complimented by someone that wasn’t my mom or dad. I grabbed my purse and we headed down to meet up with everyone, heading out to the House of Blues.

Already, as we pulled around the back of the iconic venue, there was a line of girls hoping to get in. They were running this one much like the New York secret show, with a tweet that went out about two hours before. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself, remembering when I was 15 and saw Hanson at the House of Blues in Chicago. The floor shook and seemed to bounce during “If Only” and I couldn’t believe how packed it was. Passes firmly around our necks, Dani and I jumped off the edge of the stage and into the pit, taking in the whole view. The various religious symbols above the stage always fascinated me, the credo “Unity in Diversity, All are One” emblazoned in the middle, and the tiers of balconies, each with their own dedicated bar, seemed like an odd choice of venue for a Disney band, but for the first time this whole tour, they felt more like proper rock stars than teen heartthrobs.

“Is that Miss Mandy I see?” Garbo called from the stage, squinting into the lights.

“GARBO!” I shrieked and ran back towards him, awkwardly climbing up it and crashing into him with a huge bear hug. I had been so caught up with everything that had happened with Joe and the paps that I hadn’t realized how much I missed him.

“Don’t break him, we need our bassist,” Nick commented and I let go, a little embarrassed how happy I was to be back with the band. Now, finally, everything could start getting back to normal.

“Dani, girl, get over here,” Garbo called and she came back over, a lot more elegantly that I did, and he embraced her, as did the rest of the band.

“How many people can fit in here?” I asked, the place looking simultaneously huge and tiny. Some girls were going to be disappointed, for sure, but I think even more will be when they don’t get on the barrier.

“A little over a thousand,” Kevin answered and I nodded. A thousand sounded like a lot, but that was also taking into consideration that there would be people in the back, hanging out by the bar like at any normal show, not an army of teenage girls who all want to be as close as possible to the boys that live on their posters in their rooms, “Hey, can we run through “Free Fallin’” first before we figure out the setlist?” They all nodded and started to warm up, tuning and taking their positions, and Dani and I took that as our cue to go back down and find some seats.

I probably loved the sound check more than the actual show, which was a new feeling for me. The live concert experience, with the crowd and the energy, is what made me want to do music journalism in the first place, but when you're dating the arguable lead singer of the group, there was something special about knowing he was singing only to you. Joe's voice soared over “Free Fallin’" and I couldn't help but smile when he sang that he was a bad boy. The girls didn't even know. All three of the brothers were in top form, the vacation serving to reenergize the band. This was their hometown show; they came back to impress.

Dani and I cheered between the songs, being fangirls, she screaming, "KEVIN I LOVE YOU!" across the venue. He stupid smile said it all. Denise was right, he was going to marry her. It was all too adorable, but not in that cynical way, where you couldn’t believe that these people actually could be that happy, it was in the way that made you happy too. I couldn’t help but wonder if Joe and I would get to that part of a relationship; if our relationship made others happy too and want to be around us. But, then again, it was easier to be in a relationship when the whole world didn’t think they were privileged to the details.

After a few more songs, the band went on a break, and that was my cue to seek out the solace of a cigarette with Garbo, which I had sorely missed. I found him out back, the screams from the queue floating towards us as they let the girls in finally. I shuttered to think what it would look like once I got back inside, but for right now, he lit me a cigarette without even needing to be asked. Such a gentleman.

“Well well well, who do we have here? This couldn’t be Mandy, the intern, could it?” and he held out his hand, spinning me in place to get a look at me. A lot had changed since New York, namely, I was wearing heels, “Europe treated you well.”

“Yeah, me and London get along,” I joked, taking a drag and feeling all the stupid worries float away with the smoke.

“I’ve heard, and so has the world. Have you and Joe banged yet?”

I coughed up my pull at his question, hoping he was messing with me, but the look on his face meant he was completely serious. “Excuse me?”

“Have you two released some of that sexual tension on each other? I get it, you're boyfriend and girlfriend now, which is great and all, but Jesus, you two were practically eye-fucking each other in there.”

"We were not eye-fucking each other at all! Looking at each other is allowed," I snapped back, completely embarrassed and a little pissed off. There was no sexual tension between us to be released... sort of. I mean, making out was always a thrill, both of us pushing our boundaries just a little bit more, and then there was my dream about him back in London... "Do you really think Joe would do that?" I asked, a little too curious for my own good.

Garbo surveyed me up and down, taking a long drag of his cigarette and finishing it before starting. "I've known Joe a little bit longer than you have and I hate to break it to you, he would. Any guy in his position would, especially if they had a girl like you. But, I will say this: he won't wait for marriage, but he does want to be in love."

"Love," I pushed the word around my mouth like I was preparing to spit it out. That was too heavy of a word to just throw out there, and too foreign a concept for me to even start to wrap my mind around, "Then there's nothing to tell. Joe and I aren't in love."

"You sure about that?" And Garbo stuffed his hands in his pockets, going back inside to leave me with a billion more questions.

Love and sex were two of the stupidest and most complex concepts ever. You could have one without the other, for sure, but there was this fascination with having both. That's what the whole purity ring movement was about, that you saved yourself for marriage, and marriage symbolized love. Although, I knew of plenty of marriages that failed and even more people that were disappointed they waited to lose their virginity. I guess I could understand why he would want to wait, and we certainly didn't need something else complicating our relationship, but it still bothered me that Joe was supposedly closer to that point than I was.

With a sigh, I headed back into the venue as the sun went down, heading back to the green room to pop a couple of mints from my purse before finding the boys again. Jogging, I made it just in time for the prayer and huddle, squeezing in next to Joe as Kevin Sr asked for a blessing on the show.

“Have fun. Let your hair down. We’re home. Let’s go out there and show them how we do things in LA,” he encouraged, lifting us all up with his words. I couldn’t help but get excited, Garbo’s conversation leaving my mind. We all put our hands in, chanting ‘showtime’ before Joe turned to me, wrapping his hands around my waist and looking down into my eyes. It was stupid how happy he made me just by looking at me. My hands snaked up against his thin black v-neck shirt and wrapped behind his neck, my thumbs playing with the little hairs that lay there.

“I heard that there’s going to be a pretty special girl in the audience tonight,” Joe teased, biting his bottom lip slightly.

“Oh really? Then you better put on the best show of your life,” I played back, gently brushing my lips against his, whispering, “Go be a fucking rockstar.” He captured my lips with his, a deep and needy kiss that made me hold onto him so I didn’t lose my balance. God, I loved being his girlfriend.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Kevin softly echoed to Dani, the two of them engaging in a sweet kiss.

Nick stood off, awkwardly tuning this guitar, but we all heard him when he muttered, “I need to get a girlfriend.” Sheepishly, I pulled away from Joe, who could only laugh at his poor little brother. It wasn’t easy being the fifth wheel.

“Shall we?” I asked Dani, making sure I had money and my ID in my jeans pocket.

“Yes, lets just find a bathroom before we go to our spot,” and she gave Kevin another little peck before the brothers went one way, and Dani and I exited out to the theater. The floor was completely packed, being that the entire venue was general admission, and I couldn't help but wonder if these little girls were going to be able to handle the pit. The upper level was less crowded and it looked to be some places at the bar, so we climbed the stairs and wove our way over to the restroom.

There were less girls in here, most of them being a bit older than the average girl in the pit. There was one girl who was in the last sink, furiously scrubbing the back of her hand, completely overdressed with a little black dress and hot pink tights. She looked like she dressed to meet one of the guys. She snapped her head up and looked around the bathroom and the worst, high pitched screech came out of her mouth at the sight of us.

"DANIIIIIIIIIIIII" I made out through the noise and the girl ran over, embracing Dani in an unwelcome hug, her arms stiff at her sides as the girl held her tightly. A few of the others glanced at the sight but paid no real attention, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want any attention drawn to us, not in such close quarters with no escape, “Dani, I’m so glad you’re here! I feel like it’s been forever!”

Dani just gave me a look like she was confused, and I couldn’t offer her any clues as to who this girl was. Now that she was closer, I could see the faint remains of a black X that was marked on the back of her hand, evidence of what she was scrubbing off. The blonde stepped back for a moment but held her hands on the top of Dani’s arms, not letting us get away.

“Oh, I know…” she bluffed with a smile, “With work and all, it’s hard to get away sometimes. Have you met Mandy?” and she introduced me, dragging me into the weird conversation.

“We haven’t yet! It’s so nice to meet you, Mandy,” and the blonde stuck out her red raw hand, “I’m Tiff.”

Fucking hell.

I flashed back to what Kevin had said weeks prior, that Tiff had stuck around long enough to find out about Dani, and I supposed that meant that they had met at some point. My stomach lurched as I politely shook her hand, grasping just a little too firmly, deciding right away that she and I were not going to be friends in any sense of the word. I couldn't help but wonder is Joe knew she was here, and if he did, why didn't he warn me? Had he talked to her since being back from Europe?

Dani excused herself to use the facilities and Tiff went back to scrubbing her hand in the sink while I stood awkwardly against the wall. "So, Mandy, how do you know Dani?"

"Um, well, you know, I'm working for the company right now..." I answered, not wanting to tell her more than she needed to know, plus there were other people in this bathroom and I didn't know who was listening. She finally finished scrubbing her hand and went to dry them just as Dani finished up. I gave Dani a look like we needed to get out of here as soon as possible, to which she nodded.

“Oh, so you’re the intern I’ve heard about…” she expressed, pointing a finger at me for emphasis.

“You’ve… heard?” I asked, the three of us leaving the bathroom and weaving in and out of clumps of girls, making our way back to the center bar. What exactly has she heard? If she knew about Dani, there was a distinct possibility that she had heard of me.

“Well yeah, duh. Joey told me that a journalism intern was joining them for the summer,” Tiff clarified and I breathed a little sigh of relief.

“So, what do you do again?” Dani asked as we took three seats at the bar. Tiff’s eyes lit up, clearly excited that she was the focus of attention once again.

“I moved out here about six month ago to be an actress. Daddy let me take some from my trust fund so that I’m comfortable while I make it,” she explained and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. She didn’t need to work and from the sound of it, she didn’t really want to either. She was out here to be famous and make a living doing that.

“Wow, an actress? What have you been in?” I asked.

“Well, right now, I’m booking a lot of appearances than actual shows, but you might remember me as the damsel in distress from the “Burnin’ Up” video. That’s how Joey and I met. In fact, I have an appearance next week and I’m going to ask him to come with me.” The fuck he was going with her. Over my dead body he was going with her. Obviously, she didn’t pay any attention to the tabloids, or she didn’t care. To her, Joe was still single. Or, maybe not single, but definitely not with anyone else but her.

"Okay, I need a drink," I stated, swiveling around in my seat. The other two girls nodded as the bar tender came over, asking for our order, "I have a Manhattan, please," settling on a whiskey drink.

"I'll have a Sprite and vodka," Dani ordered.

"And I'll have.... oh! A Cosmo!" Tiff was way too excited for such a basic drink.

"Great ladies, I'll just need to see some ID," and Dani and I went for our wallets.

"Actually, I'll just have a sparkling water with a lemon wedge," Tiff changed, a slight frown on her face. She was underage, of course. "I'm driving. Better safe than sorry!" The bartender checked our identification and motioned to our hands, checking for something.

"You two with the band?" And we nodded, "Your drinks are covered. Yours will be $3," and Tiff scoffed a bit. That's why she was scrubbing her hand so furiously. She wanted to drink for free.

"That's ridiculous. It's just water..." she mumbled under her breath as our drinks were set out at the bar, but she handed over some cash anyway.

"There are a lot of people looking at us..." Dani noticed as she took a sip of her drink and I became hyper aware of all the eyes on us. The few older girls who also got up the bar level were watching, plus some of the others that were positioned on the balcony banisters and could look up to where we were. My stomach lurched. I just wanted to enjoy the show as a fan for once and not have to fight or fend off a bunch of fans.

"They probably recognize me," Tiff quipped and slapped on a huge, perfect smile at everyone, which deterred no one.

"I get the idea that you don't pay attention to the press much," I said, and the girl shook her head furiously.

"Oh god no. I don't want that negativity in my life. I figure that there will always be someone who hates everything and I can't let what people think dictate my life," she lectured and for a moment there, I almost thought that she was insightful. At least, it was a very mature attitude of her to have, if I didn't feel like it was all utter bullshit.

The lights went down in the theater and the screams went up, including a piercing one right into my right ear. Tiff and Dani both leaped to their feet and got on the bannister. All I could do was follow suit, taking my place in the middle. Just like New York, no gimmicks or pyro, just the guys, the band, music, and their fans. Anyone who was able to get into this was going to witness something special. Kevin played the opening notes of “SOS” and the whole place went insane. Tiff was bouncing like she was down in the pit with those girls, like she had never seen them perform before. Who know, maybe she hasn't.

Dani was excited, obviously, although she was much more reserved than she was at soundcheck, settling into swaying her hips with the music. I took sips of my drink, bobbing my head a little bit. I don't think I could ever be one of the complete fangirls like the ones that were crying right on the barrier, but their music had grown on me since I had started this crazy trip.

"Oh my god, aren't they just the best," Tiff cried out, echoing the sentiment that most, if not all the girls in the area had. I could only smile weakly, not that she even paid any attention to me. The whole band sounded great; I suppose a week and then some off to relax will do that to you. Though, Joe especially was on fire, working the entire stage, having limitless energy as they went into Inseparable. The crowd went even more insane, if that was even possible, and I had to admit that I got excited too. They never really played this on the tour and it was definitely one of their rock songs, one that really separated them from the other kiddy rock bands that had come before.

I couldn't help but notice Kevin sneaking glances up at Dani when they sang, "Even when we're miles and mile apart, you're still holdin' all of my heart." They were stupid cute. Her smile was so wide I thought her cheeks would break off. Tiff let out an audible "Awwwww," which made some of the girls around us look over. Not exactly the type of attention Dani, or Kevin, wanted.

A few more songs passed, and another Manhattan for me, the boys pulled out “Free Fallin’", and I could see some of the parents in the audience perk up, finally a song they really knew. Nick and Kevin played acoustics, Joe sat in the middle of the stage on a stool, perfectly comfortable with the throngs of girls screaming at him when she sang that he's a bad boy, and I couldn't help but let a smile crawl across my lips. He was my bad boy. Dani and I snuck a look at each other, both knowing how lucky we were to be part of these guys amazing life. It was more than just the money or the fame, or wanting to make other girls jealous. It was how, even from across a crowded room, one look, one smile, made the whole world fall away. The stress, finding a job, the paparazzi, none of that mattered as long as I was with Joe. It would all be okay. I'm sure Dani felt the same way about Kevin. They were meant to be together.

They transitioned into "When You Look Me in the Eyes" and the whole place ramped up to 10, as it always did when they pulled out the older songs, and the glow sticks people had bought went up in the air, like lighters. It was always fun to watch Joe and Nick play off of each other, trading lines, and really, this was one of their best songs. From the middle of the stage, just as the chorus was kicking in, Joe lifted his head right towards me, his eyes locking with mine, singing his heart out to me, not caring that everyone would see. My cheeks flushed and I bit my lip, not daring to break the eye contact, and it felt like a few hours earlier, like he was only singing to me, like he wrote those words for me.

"Oh my god, Joe's looking right at me!" Tiff screamed in my ear, ending the moment, and I wanted to throw her over the balcony. He wasn't looking at her, he was looking at me. Me. His girlfriend. Tiff could officially fuck right off. She went back to screaming her head off before I could even respond, but Dani linked arms with me, giving my hand a knowing squeeze.

For the first time, I wish we had made our relationship public, not that Tiff would have paid any attention. I knew he was signing to me, and that was enough, but it bothered me that some other girl tried to hijack my moment. Maybe the world didn't need to know, but she did, and I couldn't be the one to tell her. Joe had to be.

But, all that worry slipped away as soon as I heard the chord ring out of Kevin's guitar, Dani nudging me in the ribs, a knowing grin on her face. My face fell into my hands, embarrassed beyond words and stupidly happy that they were playing “Mandy” again. Those in the audience who knew the song screamed, but Tiff stopped bouncing immediately, looking around, confused. And just like New York, they sang it for me, and the people that were around the three of us up in the balcony, they knew something was up. Short of throwing an actual spotlight on me, Joe was making every effort to make sure I knew how he felt about me. My cheeks flushed but I couldn't help but smile and sing along. I guess this was it. We were going public.

They played for nearly two hours, the audience barely being able to keep up with their energy. After the final encore of “Burnin’ Up” (with Tiff screaming even louder than before, trying her best to get Joe’s attention from the stage), their final show on the Burnin Up tour was over. It was bittersweet in a way. I very highly doubted I would ever get to go on tour with another band again, and it meant that I was just a few short weeks from being released from my internship. But, then again, it also meant that maybe, just maybe, some of the insanity would die down.

Girls on the floor were crying as others shuffled around them, making their way out of the venue. Dani and I turned from the balcony, setting our empty glasses on the bar and leaving a tip for the bartender, even if we didn’t have to.

“I heard that you guys are going over to the bowling alley to celebrate?” Tiff asked as she closed her phone, both of us just giving her a blank look. I had no idea what the plans for the rest of the night were, but I hadn’t heard anything. “Anyway, I’m sure I’ll see you two around!” and she grabbed each of us in turn, squeezing us into unwanted hugs before she bounced away, getting swallowed by the masses. If I had my way, I would never see her again.

Making our way back down, we waited along the sidelines for the place to empty, not wanting to chance trying to get to the back while someone could be paying attention. Thankfully, security shooed the crying girls out fairly quickly and the two of us snuck backstage, following the sounds of celebration from down the hall. The champagne was flowing, the band spraying it on each other, but as soon as we entered the room, Joe set his bottle down, crossing over to me and capturing my lips with his, lifting me up with one arm. The whole situation went right to my brain, the taste of sweat and champagne making my head go dizzy. He nipped at my bottom lip again and I held onto him tighter, wishing he and I could be alone for the rest of the night. My shirt got damp from his sweat but I didn’t care. God, he was amazing.

“There’s an afterparty at the bowling alley across the street, whenever we’re ready to head over,” Nick informed the room at large as Joe finally set me back down to Earth, a stupid grin plastered on his face. I couldn’t help but notice that Garbo had excused himself from the celebrations, his accusations from earlier echoing fresh in my mind and a whole new wave of anxiety washed over me. I pulled on my white shirt a little bit, trying to make it a little less transparent.

“I just want to change and I think we’ll be ready,” Joe answered, sneaking another kiss from me before disappearing into the dressing room.

“So, I guess Tiff was right,” Dani commented, gathering up her purse and other things. I could only nod. Why was all of this bothering me so much? Okay, yeah, so Tiff knew something before I did, but obviously somebody tipped her off. It wasn’t unheard of, after all, she was part of this circle, in a weird way. But I couldn’t place what was bothering me about Garbo. It wasn’t just his words, his thought that maybe Joe and I were not on the same level in the relationship. It was like something about me being with Joe bothered him. But then again, that didn’t make sense. Garbo was one of the people encouraging me to be with Joe in the first place.

A few minutes later and the trio emerged, freshly changed and no longer soaking wet. Our little entourage left out the back door, piling into the SUV that had been waiting for us, and it pulled out of the venue and into the bowling alley that was quite literally across the street. It was excessive, being that we could have walked, but even now, there were fans wandering around the parking lot of the House of Blues, so unless we wanted to start a riot, driving was the only option. The car pulled around the back and we all piled out, Joe offering me his hand like a perfect gentleman, and I gladly accepted it.

The alley was closed to the public but it was still decently packed, full of friends and people the boys knew from work. The backlights and lasers were on, my shirt glowing in the semi-darkness, but as soon as we approached the first group of people, Joe broke away. Selena and Demi were here, giving hugs and excited screams all around, but I couldn’t help but notice Miley wasn’t around. Not that I really wanted to meet her.

“Joey!!!” broke through the loud pop music that was playing and Tiff came out of nowhere, running as fast as she could in her heels, and she wrapped her arms around Joe’s neck so fast and so tight that he couldn’t avoid it, “Oh-emm-gee baby, your show was so good!!”

“Oh my god, Tiff, you’re here…” Joe replied in disbelief, his eyes snapping to mine in a panic.

“Of course I am, silly! When I heard you were playing a show I just had to be there to show my support! And then Selena texted me that you were going to be partying over here, so I absolutely had to come say hi in person!” she explained, to no one’s interest except mine, “I missed you, Joey. These phone calls just weren’t enough!” So Selena was to blame for this miss, which made sense. Her and Nick were looking mighty cozy at a lane, and she and Tiff must have met on the set of Burnin Up.

The boys worked the room, or rather, two of them worked the room and one worked on a girl. They knew everyone here in some way or another and it was getting impossible to remember anyone’s names, and no one actually wanted to talk to me. They all wanted their time with the band.

Without even excusing myself, I stepped away from it all, taking a seat at the bar. I didn’t even really want to drink or anything like that, I just couldn’t stand it anymore. It was just as Kevin had said back at the Hall of Fame. These friends, these people that they only saw a handful of times in a year, that they had only known for a few months, these were the people that were now important. It was so odd now that I was witnessing it firsthand. All of it just seemed so fake. They claim they know what Kevin, Joe, and Nick’s lives are like, but none of them do. None of them are there for the 4 am wake up calls or the interviews or sound checks. None of them know about the struggles, the secrets. None of them know about me.

“Are you Mandy?” a voice startled me and I swung my seat around, coming face to face with a black woman who was definitely older than I was but dressed way cooler than any of the kids here.

“Why? Who is asking?” I asked slowly, not really trusting the situation. The woman smiled a knowing smile and pulled out a business card, handing it to me with purpose. Even through the blacklight I could make out the logo. My hands couldn’t stop shaking.

“I’m Joy Richards, assistant editor at Rolling Stone. I hear you’re writing an article. Let’s talk sometime,” she introduced and as quickly as she approached, she left through the back door.

#jbffa

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#jbffa