#jessebatson.com

[jessebatson]

Krypto has gotten a lot of attention the past few months, getting a lot of screen time in the 2025 version of Superman. My thoughts on the movie aside, Krypto had a lot of screen time and showcased a few different abilities.

Meanwhile, Goose is the — as it turns out — female cat-alien, or alien-cat, from Captain Marvel and The Marvels. Goose appeared to simply be a cat that clawed Nick Fury in the face. As it turns out, Gus is an alien with a five tentacles instead of a tongue.

Now, looking at it on paper, it seems like Krypto may have more of a chance here. He’s got speed, flight, at least a little amount of strength (enough to chomp on metal robot drones with ease). But what is the level of strength we’re talking here? That’s a little more unclear. He’s got enough strength to carry Mr. Terrific through the sky on his back.

But let’s turn back to Goose. She seemingly just swallows up anything she wants. That means people, aliens, and objects. Not a problem. They all go to the pocket dimension inside of her body. That’s the power of the Flerken race.

So what happens when Goose faces Krypto? Well, Goose immediately unleashes the tentacles when Krypto gets too close. I think Krypto will avoid the tentacles for the moment. But Goose will go on the offense and unleash the tentacles again — entangling Krypto. Now, Krypto could potentially break free, but what is the strength level? Can he break out?

I don’t know. He’ll put up a fight, but I could theoretically see Goose swallowing Krypto up and sending him to a new dimension. I mean, Krypto was no genius in Superman. He was actually pretty stupid, so Goose seems to have the intelligence edge here. It’s just a matter of strength. I may be off base here, but if Goose can swallow up human-sized aliens and people of all strengths and sizes, Krypto loses this match.

Winner: Goose

[jessebatson]

Newt Scamander has spent his life dealing with dangerous creatures. From demiguises to bowtruckles to nundus. Yes, autocorrect -- I meant to say nundus. If it has teeth, claws, or venom, he's probably encountered something similar.

But the Xenomorph is different. This isn't an animal that can be calmed down or reasoned with. It's a perfect predator. It's incredibly fast and extremely aggressive. Even when its opponents do injure it, they have to be careful because of the acidic blood.

Obviously, Newt has an advantage being a magician. He’s got spells to deal with hairy situations. Newt has access to stunning spells, binding charms, shielding magic, and explosive curses. 

While the Xenomorph is physically superior in every way, it has no defense against magic. The biggest question is whether Newt can react quickly enough.

The Xenomorph rushes him immediately. Newt throws up a shield charm, but the impact sends him stumbling backward. The creature leaps again, this time striking with its tail. Newt barely dodges as the razor-sharp point swipes past his head.

At that point, Newt realizes he's not dealing with a creature he can safely subdue. Newt abandons any thought of containing it and switches to more aggressive magic.

As the Xenomorph charges a third time, Newt snaps his wand forward. A powerful binding spell locks the creature in place for just a moment — long enough for Newt to follow up with a devastating blasting curse.

The alien collapses before it can break free. Newt stands over the creature. Despite being grateful to be alive, he can’t help but wish it could have ended differently.

Winner: Newt Scamander 🪄

[jessebatson]

Flames, steel, magic, and blades — all in one arena. Today, we’re seeing Daemon Targaryen, Lucius Malfoy, Prince Nuada, Thranduil, and Geralt of Rivia clash in free-for-all.

Daemon initiates the exchange, Valyrian steel glinting as he charges forward.

Prince Nuada meets him with a blade of his own. He doesn’t wait for Daemon to get a feel for him. Steel meets steel as Nuada strikes with speed that simultaneously worries Daemon and earns his respect.

Thranduil then steps in, bringing his own two swords to the fight. He intercepts Prince Nuada directly, blades colliding in a rapid exchange of flowing strikes and evasive turns, each testing the other’s speed as their duel cuts straight through the battlefield’s chaos.

Geralt moves silently, reading the chaos, sword in hand.

Lucius steps back, unamused, raises his wand and sends blasts sharply toward the melee. 

The sword fighting stops after the onslaught of spells. One blast tears past Geralt’s shoulder, close enough to scorch stone beside him.

Geralt’s head snaps toward Lucius. That was close enough. He thrusts his hand forward, releasing a sudden telekinetic shock that rips across the ground, forcing Lucius to stagger back. Geralt draws his sword and advances - quickly!

He launches a brief flame burst from his sword, forcing Lucius to dodge while shielding himself.

Nuada, Daemon, and Thranduil pause their own fighting and watch the Witcher and the wizard.

Geralt ducks under another wand blast, slashing Lucious’ leg with his sword while doing so. A final downward strike knocks the wand from his hand. 

Lucius freezes, realizing he’s beaten; Geralt steps back, keeping his blade ready.

Thranduil tries to take advantage of the moment, spinning toward Nuada with a quick strike, but Nuada is too quick. He counters with a flurry of rapid swings. Thranduil jumps and spins in midair, narrowly avoiding a lethal strike. 

Meanwhile, Daemon assesses the fight, recognizing the growing chaos and the Witcher’s mastery of magical-enhanced combat. He steps back, repositioning carefully while keeping his blade ready.

Nuada presses the attack on Thranduil, forcing him back with a flurry of swings. One swing drives across Thranduil’s side, striking a vital point. The elf king collapses.

Nuada then turns his full fury on the nearby Geralt. He’s having a hard time keeping up with Nuada, but Geralt braces and thrusts his sword forward, releasing a quick Aard blast that knocks Nuada off his feet.

Geralt immediately follows up with a swinging strike that catches the elf across the back.

Then Geralt calls on Igni as flames lick from his sword. Nuada rolls under a high swing and counters by trying to slash Geralt’s leg. Geralt reacts too quickly, bringing his sword down directly onto Nuada’s leg, though.

Geralt strengthens himself behind Quen, absorbing a spinning strike and then spinning low to sweep Nuada off balance before landing a final strike that sends him crashing unconscious.

Daemon sees his chance with his Valyrian steel in hand. He races towards Geralt, but the Witcher plants his feet and slams Yrden into the ground, creating a glowing circle that slows Daemon’s movement.

Geralt steps into the opening and brings his sword across the dragon prince’s shoulder.

Daemon swings again, but Geralt ducks under the blow, kicks dirt into his face, and delivers a crushing combination of blows that leave him collapsed and beaten on top of Nuada.

Winner: Geralt of Rivia 🗡️🔥

[jessebatson]

Quite the Sunday showdown right here. It’s a four-way battle for supremacy - but there may be just as many jokes as there are punches. Teenage Groot is going up against teenage Michelangelo. They’re also facing Shazam - a teenager in a man’s superpowered body.  They’re all also going up against Bumblebee, who is one of the youngest Autobots - even though he’s hundreds or even thousands of years old.

Let’s talk about how this battle starts. Michelangelo is trying to get Groot to say something other than “I am Groot.” Deep into his moody teenage phase, Groot responds by growing thorny branches a little too close for comfort. 

Michelangelo flips backward, saying “Whoa, easy, tree guy.” Groot’s branches snap out after him. Billy Batson panics, shouts “SHAZAM!” without thinking, and a thunderbolt crashes down in the middle of the group. 

Bumblebee is now staring at three superpowered teenagers and a fresh lightning crater, realizing this is no longer a misunderstanding. Nobody meant to start a fight. But now it’s happening!

Groot brings strength, regeneration, and attitude. Plus, he can attack and restrain his opponents in a variety of ways, whether it’s restraining them with vines, attacking with sharp branches and wooden fists, or regrowing broken limbs.

Michelangelo doesn’t have that kind of variety, bushes got speed, agility, good durability, and years of training. Despite not always being as serious as the other Turtles, he’s just as skilled.

Bumblebee adds a lot of heavy firepower, flight, and even more advanced combat awareness. He can hit hard, move fast, and adapt quickly — literally transforming as needed. Of course, he’s still vulnerable to extreme strength and magic. They all are.

That’s where Shazam completely tilts the scale. With strength, speed, durability, and magic-powered lightning, Shazam simply operates on an entirely different tier than the others. Billy doesn’t have the experience. Actually, he probably has less experience than all of them, but his raw power will overwhelm anything they can throw at them.

At the end of the day, Shazam is just too powerful. The others are more equally matched. Even if they all team up, I don’t know how Shazam is taken out of the equation.

Winner: Shazam

Who would you put your money on in this fight?

[jessebatson]

Today is about two commanders with two completely different kinds of warfare. Captain Pike has  raw, instinctual starship leadership. He’s proven that time and time again.

However, he’s going up against Grand Admiral Thrawn - a cold, strategic genius.

Pike doesn’t waste time talking. He closes the distance fast, throwing the first punch. 

But Thrawn doesn’t meet the attack head-on. He sidesteps, using the mere seconds to analyze the opponent in front of him.

Pike swings again, forcing the Chiss admiral back. He lands a solid hit.

Thrawn is already adapting. He redirects Pike's momentum and sends him stumbling away. The admiral isn’t necessarily stronger, but he reads the fight like a puzzle.

Pike comes back harder and quickly tackles Thrawn. Both men crash to the ground, with Pike trying to overpower Thrown.

Thrawn slips free just enough to regain some space. Pike pushes forward again… but Thrawn is ready and waiting - maybe even luring him in.

The Grand Admiral twists sharply, throwing Pike down with a judo-style throw.

Captain Pike reaches for his phaser, but Thrawn catches his wrist, and the weapon skids across the floor. Thrown and Pike both go for it. Thrawn gets it first, flips over, and fires a single shot - which drops the Captain where he stands.

Thankfully, the phaser was set to “Stun.” Thrawn stands over the unconscious Starfleet officer, but even in defeat Pike proved to be exactly what Thrawn expected: aggressive, fearless, and tough.

Winner: Grand Admiral Thrawn 🟦 🟦 🟥 🟥

[jessebatson]

What happens when a giant (well, half-giant) faces a dwarf? We’re about to find out! It’s Rubeus Hagrid versus Thorin Oakenshield today. On paper, this seems like a one-sided fight, but there’s more to this than you may initially think. Let’s talk about Hagrid first.

As a half-giant, Hagrid has incredible strength. He bent a shotgun barrel with one hand. At 8 years old, he also lifted a grown man and tossed him about 10 feet. He’s also resistant to spells, can tame animals, and started training in magic. The keyword there: starting.

Here’s where Thorin has a chance. Hagrid is resistant to spells, but Thorin swings swords, not a wand. Hagrid can tame animals, but, theoretically, there won’t be any animals involved in this fight.

So let’s focus on Thorin. He’s a dwarf, but he fights with a sword, an ax, and a shield so he’s no slouch. Thorin has some strength. He battled goblins, elves, and Orcs. He’s killed a lot of them, too. He’s a trained fighter. He uses strategy when he fights.

Thorin could actually do some damage to Hagrid. Sure, Hagrid can get into a rage if he sees someone hurting his friends or animal friends, but he’s not trained in fighting or sorcery.

Hagrid is thick, big, and strong, but Thorin battled the thoroughly evil Azog and killed him. If Thorin can take out a battle-ready Orc, I think he could come out of a fight with Hagrid on top.

Winner: Thorin

[jessebatson]

Alright, we’ve got Star-Lord Peter Quill and Poe Dameron here. With their egos and quick tempers, there’s an instant dislike between the two of them.

The moment it kicks off, both of them are already moving. Quill starts by firing his blasters as Poe returns fire with a blaster of his own. Dodging each other’s lasers, both Poe and Quill have to constantly reposition themselves. 

Star-Lord kicks into the air almost immediately, using his jet boots to gain better visibility. However, that also makes him more of a target. Poe fires a few near misses, as Quill zigs and zags. But Poe hits Star-Lord’s right booster, causing him to lose control and balance mid-air before he goes crashing to the ground.

As Quill pulls himself up, he quickly realizes he’s vulnerable. He looks up just in time to see Poe in front of him - his fist flying into Quill’s face. Poe gets a knee to the midsection before the two grapple.

Both of them wrestle, trying to get control through sheer pressure. Poe has his arms locked around Quill’s head, but Quill instinctively twists out of it and breaks any rhythm Poe is trying to maintain.

Quill manages to slip one arm free and fires a close-range blaster shot right past Poe’s head. Poe is dazed, breaking contact and getting up to his knees. Quill fires up his one boot, boosting forward on the ground, out of Poe’s reach. Both men get to their feet at the same time but Quill doesn’t wait. He launches into Poe shoulder-first. The impact knocks Poe to the ground.

Poe reacts by catching Quill across the face with a right hand. Poe tries to shove Quill off of him, but Quill answers with a sharp hook to Poe’s ribs. He follows up with three more.

Quill puts his metal helmet on and headbutts Poe in the face. Poe sees stars for a moment. Quill headbutts him three more times. Poe is out cold.

At that moment, Quill rolls off of Poe, sits up and then, breathing hard, falls backward on the floor, exhausted.

Winner: Star-Lord Peter Quill 🚀

[jessebatson]

Here are two men who, as young lads, found themselves in a circus, literally. After Mystique abandoned Nightcrawler, he found a home in the circus. The same can be said for Robin, but he was part of the Flying Graysons.

Both proved to be incredibly athletic and acrobatic (you have to be with a name like the Flying Graysons). Nightcrawler, however, has a big advantage with his disappearing act, or mutant powers. I don't know how Robin can overcome that, honestly. Maybe Nightwing could, but not Robin, not at this point.

Therefore, I gotta' go with Nightcrawler here. If the battle lasts long enough, maybe Robin could start to predict some of Nightcrawler's movements and mannerisms, but I don't see that happening.

Winner: Nightcrawler