(This is a copy and paste to a question sent to my inbox)
• You said you would kill, what stops you?
Hi, I don’t mind at all, I started the blog so people could ask questions because talking about this anonymously is literally the only way I can talk about it.
Two things. One, wanting to kill someone, two, getting caught.
Some days I go back and forth on whether or not I’d kill a stranger. I don’t think I’d ever just kill for the sake of killing, but if I was going to kill someone, I’d rather kill an arsehole than a little old lady who’d done nothing to no one.
I mean I’m not Dexter, I can’t go around hunting criminals, mainly because that’s just stupid.
I’ve definitely got a few people who I fantasise about killing all the time, but I can’t figure out a way of legitimately doing it and being able to get away with it.
I watch a lot of police procedural shows, and true crime stuff, and I like to analyse them and see if I could figure out a way of doing it and not getting caught.
I don’t particularly ‘admire’ murderers, as many of them tend to kill vulnerable or innocent people, and I’ve just never been particularly on board with that. Most of the famous unsolved murder cases either come from eras where CSI hadn’t been invented yet, or where they’d just got lucky in circumstances.
Take Jill Dando. She was a tv presenter in the 90’s who did a show that still runs today called Crimewatch, where they give the public information on unsolved crimes and try and find witnesses, or suspects who are on the run.
Jill Dando was shot on her doorstep and found relatively quickly by a neighbour. The killer has never been caught, a man was jailed but he was released after evidence came to prove he was innocent. The killer was just lucky. They happened to catch her just outside her home on an empty street with no cctv. Today almost every corner in the UK has cctv cameras, people have them in their homes, people have dashcams, it’s so unlikely to get that lucky these days. Her killer will never be apprehended unless someone confesses.
I don’t admire the killer or their method, this wasn’t a meticulous plan, it was a lucky shot, and they killed a tv presenter, instead of someone deserving.
The person at the top of my kill list for many years, I know I would never be able to get away with killing unless a fantastic opportunity struck. I’d love to burn their house down with them inside, but they live in a cctv hotspot, so that’s just a stupid idea.
The only way I could get away with it would be a random, unexpected encounter in the middle of nowhere. A place I could put the body to contaminate or destroy evidence, a place no one knew that I was going to, and where there are no cameras.
It would require such an unlikely set of circumstances, I just know it won’t happen, so I fantasise about killing them, or them dying in a car crash and that tides me over, but I know if the right circumstances presented themselves I would do it.
I don’t take the police for granted. I take the assumption that all police stations have Gil Grissom quality evidence collectors, and work backwards from there.
Witnesses, cameras, alibis, likelihood of suspicion, evidence. These are all the things I consider.
I know it’s very hard to catch someone without a body. No one even knew the Long Island serial killer existed until all the bodies were discovered. A few years ago, near me, a chef disappeared from her home, evidence showed that she likely had someone at her house, but a body has never been found, a witness never come forward, no footage of her movements exist, and so her killer will likely get away with it.
For me I wouldn’t just want to get away with murder, I don’t want to be suspected. Being a suspect is half way to getting caught.
Gerry and Kate McCann, IMO, accidentally killed their daughter Madeline and managed to get away with it by getting rid of her body. Jon Benet Ramsey was very likely killed by her emotionally disturbed brother and her parents covered it up. But no one there got away with murder, because the shadow hangs over their heads.
I have always felt that if I lived in America where there are wide open expanses of land with no one in it, I could become a Jason Vorhees type figure or The Hills have Eyes, and hunt random hikers.
I don’t think I’d become a Myra Hindley type killer as I don’t trust someone else not to fuck it up.
Sometimes in these tumblr discussions I have people will say I’m too ‘moral’ to be a psychopath, because I wouldn’t kill a little old lady.
It’s not that I CARE about the little old lady, I don’t, I just think it’s lazy, uncreative, and I’d rather keep around the little old ladies and get rid of thugs and arseholes.
But the thing with being a
Psychopath is, I don’t really care about the arseholes either.
I see people get angry about people like Ian Watkins, Fred West, Rolf Harris, and I just don’t feel the ire they feel. I don’t want them to die over what they’ve done, I’d just rather kill someone like them than an innocent person.
Just last week I was in a room with people saying how much they wanted to kill them, how they should be hung, and every time this kind of conversation happens, I have to pretend to give a shit, because the truth is that I don’t.