Rain drips from his hair, hands trembling and heart aching. Words he’s held for years are ready to escape. Will he be able to finally let you hear his heart?
𖹭 pairing. kim seokjin x fem oc/reader
𖹭 genre. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, unrequited love (?) , suggestive, slice of life
𖹭 warnings. adult characters, rainstorm angst, a lot of crying (get your tissues), mutual pining (years worth), mention of toxic partners, parenting and break ups, guilt + regret, running away from feelings, frustration, seokjin is kinda messy icl but also very soft, heated makeout/dry humping (😳), soft and hopeful ending ❤️🩹, they’re idiots but so in love :,)
𖹭 word count. 5.3k +
𖹭 divider credit. @cafekitsune <3
It ends in the middle of the sidewalk. . . somewhere between a shout and a sob.
Jihyo’s eyes are rimmed red. Her pupils shake wildly as her anger boils over Seokjin, tears overflowing them as they streak her mascara smudged cheeks. Her arms are crossed tight over her chest like she’s holding herself together, as she always has, since a very long time. However, her eyes give it all. “You don’t even like me, Jin. You never did.“
He wants to argue otherwise.
But the words catch in his throat like thorns. Because maybe . . . she’s right. Maybe he’s known that for a long time now, and he just couldn’t face it. Or maybe he just has been a fucking coward that he not only kept hammering his own heart, but subconsciously squeezed hers too till they both were suffocating.
“It’s her.“ Jihyo swallows hard, voice trembling, “It has always been her. You love her. And I was just-“ She lets out a bitter laugh. “I was just a placeholder. A timepass.“
“No-“ His voice cracks, despite his futile attempt to not do so. “That’s not . . Jihyo-“
But even as he says it, he feels the guilt carving into him, cold and deep; like an icicle stabbing right on the throb of his heart. He feels the stab, and surrenders to the chair with his hands burying his head.
“I didn’t. . I didn’t mean to, Jihyo. . I thought. .“ his voice shakes, and Seokjin doesn’t even try to hide it. Nothing really anymore can hide anything, to be honest. There was nothing to hide honestly. . if you squinted hard enough.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, voice cracking painfully. “You have to believe me, Jihyo. I. . . I really liked being with you. I liked you. I just. . . ” He drags a hand down his face, words dissolving into the rain. “I just couldn’t give you the part of me that was already hers. And I hate myself for not realising it sooner. For making you think that you were anything less than important.”
“I’m.. I’m so sorry. . . .“
He feels the warmth of her palm as it pats his shoulder. He looks up at her smiling face, sad and eyes tired, yet full of understanding. “I know. . It’s okay.“
She withdraws her hand as Seokjin watches her adjust the strap of her purse on her arm, sobering up a bit when her eyes are on him once again.
“Go tell her, Seokjin.“
“Jihyo?“
She stops in her tracks as confusion pinches in between her brows. Seokjin doesn’t hesitate, for he thinks that he’s been terrible enough to her. He did not and could not imagine it would end like this, but now that it has, he cannot muster courage further to speak directly to her. “Thank you. For. . for understanding. For everything. For being my friend.“
A small smile stretches on her crimson painted lips as she nods, but it’s no longer the longing smile she used to give him earlier. It somehow feels. . more genuine. Real.
“But you have to tell her, Jin.” she adds softly. “You cannot keep hurting yourself like this forever. If not now, never.”
Then she turns and walks away, her silhouette swallowed by the rain.
The sky splits open as he makes his way to your house.
If not now, never.
Rain lashes at the streets, puddles bursting under his sneakers. His clothes are soaked through, hair plastered to his forehead, dripping into his eyes but he simply does not care. By the time he reaches your porch, he’s shivering, jaw clenched so tight he can barely speak. His fingers feel numb, maybe from the cold. . . or maybe not.
His heart pounds with uncertainty and fear as he contemplates if this is a good decision.
If not now, never.
He’s never felt this scared before; but if he’s learnt anything in his life it’s the fact that the best way to get rid of your problems is to face them. And for now, his only problem is his aching heart which longs for a sight of you.
You open the door in a worn sweatshirt and pants, blinking like you’re not sure it’s really him.
“Jin?” Your voice is soft, almost disbelieving. “What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be on a date with —”
He flinches, and you notice; you always do. Without another word, you step aside to let him in.
He drips rainwater onto your hardwood floor, miserable and silent like a broken faucet as he follows you silently like a helpless puppy.
“Goodness, you’re soaked,” you murmur, already moving toward the hallway. “Give me a second, I’ll grab you a towel. And—” You hesitate, turning back. “Do you want something dry to change into? I think I still have one of your hoodies in my wardrobe. I’m sure getting changed is better than getting sick, yeah?” Your joke is lighthearted and soft, but he doesn’t respond. Just stands there, wordless and shivering.
He notices that you catch his silence too. You regard him with a confused air for a moment, but you soon disappear into your room.
You return a minute later — towel in one hand, hoodie in the other — and place them gently on the arm of the couch.
“Would’ve made more if you’d texted,” you say over your shoulder as you reach up for bowls in the kitchen counter. “But since you’ve caught me with a single-serve lasagna and a nearly empty fridge, you’ll just have to manage. And do not remind me about this having garlic, please.”
You sound warm. . . familiar, warm. Almost as if everything you do is not making the ache in his heart intensify.
“And you know if we ordered something it would take hours to be delivered in this downpour, anyway.”
He watches you move around your cramped little kitchen, opening cabinets, cutting a portion of the lasagna as you plate it carefully. . . like it’s all normal. The clink of cutlery and the hiss of the kettle, the scrape of a chair leg, the sound of his heart shattering.
You don’t notice. . . or maybe you’re pretending not to.
You carry over the food, two plates balanced carefully in your hands — and set them down on the tiny coffee table that’s been there since you moved in,where you used to eat together all the time. It’s always been that small. He used to complain about it, joking that he’d break his back crouching like this. You always told him to shut up and eat.
The same apartment which feels more of a home than his own place.
He notices how you take the chipped, older plate for yourself, and how you give him the pink ceramic one which you got as a gift from secret santa some few years ago. . . the one you know he likes, even though he’d never voiced it out loud before.
Has it always been like this before?
Next to his plate, you place a can of his favorite soda. You hate soda, but Seokjin has always found a can of his beloved drink in your place - lemon lime. And just like that - neither he’s asked you why, or you’ve told him what for.
It always has been like this before.
You glance over at him then — heavens, Seokjin wishes he could paint you in the chambers of his weak heart. You look gorgeous, as you always have, his cool, beautiful noona to whom he’s always looked up to.
Your hair is tied loosely, most likely left open to air dry since your clumsy ass somehow always forgets heat protection. He remembers when he used to apply the protection gel with his bare fingers on your damp hair before using a blowdryer during your university days when the rush of the morning got you for good. He flushes momentarily as your eyes meet and your brows pinch the longer you look at him.
“Jin? You’re literally standing in a puddle. Why don’t you go change?”
Your voice is soft with concern. You reach out, like you might touch his arm, or maybe even pull him to the couch to feed him with your own hands like he’s been numerous times before. . . but you don’t. You stop short, like you’re hesitating.
A weak smile tugs at your lips. “What, did Jihyo eat your dinner too?”
“I’m not with her anymore.”
The words rip out of him, loud and harsher than he’d intended, that too in your small apartment. It’s not about her. It never ever was. Fuck. He does not know where or how did that tone come out from.
He sees your startled flinch as you go still.
He swallows hard, his guilt crashing down on him like waves now. It all feels like it’s booming loudly in his ears. The pink plate, the soda, the hoodie — his hoodie. The chipped plate you kept for yourself without a second thought.
How messed can he be to yell at you?
His knees give way as he drops onto the couch. His hands cover his face, but the sound of him falling apart leaked through his fingers anyway.
“I’m sorry,” he chokes, the first sob shuddering out of him. ”I’m so sorry, I didn’t— I didn’t mean to . . I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”
You’re beside him in a second, arms wrapping around his shaking shoulders like muscle memory, like this is where he’s always belonged. Your hands rub his damp back as he bites down on his fist to muffle the sounds, but his shoulders shakes with every inhale.
“I’m sorry, noona..” he choked out, again and again, the words warped by sobs that refused to stop.
One step, and then he’s falling. . . surrendering. Melting into your warmth like it’s the only thing keeping him from breaking apart completely. The fabric of your sweatshirt grows damp beneath his cheek, but you don’t seem to mind.
He breathes you in — fabric softener, warmth, home. Your fingers thread through his hair, slow and steady, as you’ve done a thousand times before. Your voice is soothing against his ear - just his name, just ‘it’s okay’ — and somehow he believes you.
You somehow always know how to catch him when he tumbles and falls down.
He’s always okay when he’s with you.
It was always you.
Even back when he was just the nerdy kid next door, darting after you with scraped knees and dirt-streaked cheeks. He’d pretend to be brave — a superhero, a knight, the brave Mario who saves princess Peach as he’d seen in video games — but the second he tripped on the pavement and skinned his elbows, it was your voice he cried for. Your hands that cupped his flushed face, your fingers that dabbed his wounds with tissues from your backpack.
Your arms that held him like he was something precious.
You used to ruffle his hair and call him kiddo, teasing him for being such a crybaby. You’d buy him popsicles from the convenience store down the street whenever he got sad, holding his tiny hand as he sniffled his way down the aisles, and he’d always choose grape because you said it was your favorite.
Even back then, he wanted to like what you liked.
You were older, smarter, cooler — and yet, never once did you make him feel like he was less. Never once did you treat him like a nuisance. Not even when he tagged along to your hangouts, not when he messed up your notes with his doodles, not even when he stood outside your classroom just to walk home with you. Not even when the adolescent him could not handle his own emotions.
You never made him feel small. You never looked at him like he was less than.
When his parents fought downstairs and the yelling got too loud, it was your window he tapped on, shaking hands and tear-filled eyes. And you, sleepy, barefoot, wrapped in an oversized hoodie, always let him in. You never asked any questions; you just opened your blanket and let him crawl in beside you.
When he failed his exams for the first time, when he got scolded in front of his class, when he got dumped by his first crush via text message, when his parents forced him to pursue what he didn’t like — you were always the one he ran to. You, with your words that stitched him back together.
You, with your strength and big heart. You, and your words of wisdom which taught him more than what lies beyond the horizon and how big the stars in the skies actually are. You, and your insanely strong ability to be the coolest and strongest person he’d ever known, living alone in such a cruel world since a very young age.
“But why can’t I be cool like you?” he’d pouted, wriggling his tiny thumb in one last desperate attempt to win. “You’re like—the coolest person ever.”
You’d giggled, letting him pin your thumb this time, and pushed his sweaty bangs back from his forehead.
“Because,” you said, like it was obvious. “You’re not me, silly. You’re you. And one day, you're gonna be cool in your own way. Like,the kind of cool even I can’t pull off.”
He held onto your words, and he still does till date.
It didn’t take him long to realize your smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. That your laughter—especially when it burst out because of something he did—was a sound he wanted to listen to forever. Back then, he thought maybe if he was funny enough, loud enough, cool enough. . . you’d look at him like something more than the kid next door.
So he started growing up trying to match your stride, always a few steps behind, but never stopping. He wanted to catch up, to stand beside you, to be someone you could look at not like a little brother, but as a man — worthy enough for your love.
And somewhere along the way, he stopped wanting to chase. He realised that he wanted to stand beside you. In the way of him growing up with you, he realised maybe he was a bit more selfish than he thought he was. It was always you who gave selflessly, and him who absorbed endlessly.
So he tried; he dated. He smiled. He convinced himself that someone else could fill the space in his chest.
He convinced himself all those nights of being in the arms of strangers actually felt good and didn’t worsen the void in his chest, the longing for you. That maybe if he eventually stops hanging out with you, controlling himself to not leap into your arms whenever he sees you, that if he loved someone else hard enough, long enough, maybe the ache would fade. Maybe if he tries to stay away from you, he will man up, and one day, he can be your Mario, too.
Maybe the part of him that burned for your praise, your laughter, your touch, you — maybe it would quieten down, but it never did.
The more he tried to fill the hollow in his chest, the more it screamed for you. For your warmth, for your kindness. For the familiarity of your couch and your mismatched socks and the way you always still kept his old, snapped guitar from his highschool. People kept coming and going like waves, but you were like the moon fixed in his sky. It was like he kept searching for the miracle in the ocean when all it needed was a raise of his head to get a glimpse of your brightness.
He was loved by few in the way he chose, but he knew it didn’t feel right because he wasn’t loved by you.
It was tonight when he realised that maybe he can give himself to you too, and that didn’t require him being Mario or something superhero. All what he wanted. . . was you.
It was always you.
After the sobs fade into shallow breaths, when the storm quiets to a drizzle against the windows, he finally finds his voice to speak.
“I . . . I broke up with her,” he murmurs. “A while ago.”
You don’t say anything. Your fingers stay in his hair, moving with that same familiar rhythm — the one that always soothed scraped knees and sunburnt shoulders. He cannot afford to look into your eyes, because he’s sure they’ll be the ocean of his doom, and he’ll be strangled once more from voicing out his feelings which he’s suppressed since an eternity. Call him a coward, but right now, he can only lean into your embrace like he’s scared it’ll stop his fear of what will happen next.
Like you’re the only tether keeping him grounded.
“I tried,” he continues, eyes on something you can’t see. “She was kind. Really kind. The kind of person anyone would be lucky to love. But I...” His voice falters. “I. . . ”
His chest feels incredibly tight now.
“I thought it would go away,” he says. “That I could make it go away. That I could stop looking for you in everyone else.”
Suddenly he’s not crying anymore. He feels your fingers halt in his scalp as he tries not to break down once more, but he’s stripped bare in a different way. Fragile in the light of his own truth, scared of his own vulnerability. He does not know what your reaction is, and he tries and shakes like a last leaf hanging onto a shedding tree to not look at you.
He exhales shakily, “I think I’ve always known.”
“Maybe it wasn’t since the very beginning,” his fingers dig down on the flesh of his inner palm as he fights off the feeling of nervousness creeping in. “But somewhere along the way, it just . ..I just. . . I started looking for you in people I dated. In the way they laughed, or how they listened. I think I treated them how I wanted to treat you, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.”
“I’d sit across from someone at dinner,” he goes on, voice quiet, “and wonder if you’d have liked the same dish. Or hear a joke and wish I’d told you instead. I felt disappointed in their actions which weren’t like yours. It. . it wasn’t fair to them. I was chasing pieces of you in people who weren’t you.”
He bites the inside of his cheek, shoulders curling inward like he’s ashamed.
“I knew. Deep down,” he says, barely above audible.“ I knew it wouldn’t ever be enough. Because they weren’t you. And because. . .I was terrified.” At this point he does not want to think if you’re even listening to him. He feels small and lost, and he feels a tad bit like his teenage self again.
“But pretending stopped working a long time ago. And being around you started to hurt more than the fear of losing you. I didn’t want to reduce this—” he gestures between you, and back to him. “—to a memory. . .”
His breath feels a bit more stable now. Although his heart feels unstable, “. . . I was scared I’d lose you if I said anything. Scared that all the years we’ve shared would collapse because of my feelings. I thought if I kept it buried, I could at least keep us—keep you. Even if it meant hurting myself a little. But it was just recently when it dawned on me that. . . I have subconsciously hurt everyone involved with me.”
“It was never her,” he says, voice breaking open. “It’s always been you.”
The second the words leave his lips, he tenses. His heart pounds wildly, like a trapped animal trying to escape. Regret floods his veins like a tsunami, and even after knowing he should have expected, it hurts. Your silence is deafening — a clear rejection, one he deserves. He didn’t think of how he should frame his words or articulate his feelings out loud; but he atleast has the satisfaction of being honest : to you, and to himself. He sounded blunt, stupid and selfish and now you probably can’t stand the sight of him.
He starts to get up, but your hand clamps around his wrist, with a force that has him startled and astonished at the same time. Your grip is firm and determined, but so tight that he feels like if touch could burn, his wrist would be scalded by now.
“Where do you think you’re going?” you snap. Your eyes are hard, your jaw clenched. Anger out of all the things was the least he expected. Did he cross a line too far of no return? “Don’t run out on me again, Seokjin.”
He freezes, heart hammering against his ribs. This is probably the first time you’ve called him by his full name in a long time ; and he feels that his worst fears are coming true to life. Perhaps this was the exact reason he pressed down on his burning feelings for so long that it’s already back fired on him. “I . . . ” he has to take a quick, nervous gulp before he can continue. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that, n-noona,” he stammers, eyes darting away from your fiery gaze. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I —”
“Stop it,” you cut him off and the intensity of your voice scares the daylight out of him. “Stop trying to escape this. You can’t just blurt out something like that and then bolt out when I don’t immediately react the way you want me to.”
Your voice is raw, trembling slightly but still firm. He knows your pupils are shaking wildly and he physically cannot gather the balls to look you in the eye. Seokjin swallows hard, his gaze flickering back to you hesitantly. “You really had to wait until my fridge was empty to confess?” you ask, and Seokjin feels his left eye twitch at your question.
“Huh. .” he starts, but gets cut off just as immediately. “Do you think I kept all your hoodies and bought grape popsicles every summer just because I’m a nice person? Seokjin, my home is every fragment of me that I carefully decorate with my own hands. If something exists here, it’s only because I want it to.”
He sees you close your eyes and shake your head. “I think we are both idiots.”
“What—”
You bring your pointer to your lips, and he knows he needs to shut up when he hears that “hush” coming from your lips. When you speak again, your voice is somehow smaller, and somewhat softer. “I thought it was irrational. I thought you were already dating other people, so who was I to insert my feelings into that? Feelings which felt wrong to harbour?”
Seokjin’s mouth falls open in shock, throat dry. “You . . you?” he whispers, hardly daring to hope. But your nod is certain, which has his heart leaping in his chest and breathing erratic as he tries to believe the words you speak. “I’ve loved you for years,” you confirm quietly. “It took me a lot of time to realise and settle down on it, but I never wanted to upset you or your relationships or be another girl you dated just because I was convenient.”
Convenient.
The word makes Seokjin's stomach churn. “No,” he says firmly, cupping your face with his hands for the first time. His newfound confidence has his own eyes widening, and he knows that you replicate them with the way your eyes light up admist the liquid stars that threaten to spill over. Your skin is warm and soft against his cold fingers, but he can’t bring himself to care about the delicacies when he’s handled the most delicate of them all, your heart, in his hands all along.
“You were never convenient, ____. You were everything. You are my everything.”
He means it with his whole being. His heart thunders as he takes in the sight of your damp hair, your flushed cheeks and your parted lips. He remembers holding you in his arms as you cried after your very first shitty boyfriend said something so mean that it broke your heart. He remembers your sobs echoing in his own ribcage as throbs of hurt and vowing then that he would never be the reason you hurt like that.
But now here he is, causing you pain again with his cowardice.
He hates seeing you cry. Hates it with every fiber of his being. Your words that once said that crying is a sign that we are alive, alive enough to feel and care, still resonate within his soul. But seeing you hurt makes him want to erase every fucking thing in this world that causes you pain.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers, thumb brushing away a stray tear. “Please, don't cry because of me again.”
“It’s,, it’s not solely your own entire fault, Seokjin,” you hiccup. “I myself kept hurting you for so long.”
“Do not blame yourself for something I chose, ___.” he rasps, voice thick with emotion and hanging by a lone thread which threatens to break at the sound of your sniffles. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize sooner what I had right in front of me all along. I’m sorry for being so blind. I’m sorry I couldn’t love myself enough to love you right from the beginning.”
His confession seems to break the tension. You launch yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him tightly. The thrill of finally having you, of you loving him silently for so long, dawns on him as he holds you back just as fiercely, crushing you against his chest as if he can absorb your hurt into his own body.
You both stay like that for a long moment, hearts pounding, tears falling freely, silently, and tenderly. His hands roam your back, fingers digging into the fluffy fabric of your clothes. You bury your face into his chest, breathing him in like you’re trying to erase the scent of anyone else from his skin, and he doubts if you can hear his heart wanting to rip off his chest.
When the first time your lips brush against eachother, he thinks he will go insane if he does not do this every single fucking second of his life. You taste like the grape popsicles he’s loved, the warm smiles passed to each other at the bonfires, the soda he’s always found at your place, like the strum of guitar with fingers, dreamlike, but like home. “I love you,” he mumbles against your lips, peppering kisses across your face.
He feels like an over excited puppy, and he thinks he is, because he cannot wait any longer. “I love you so much. I’ll spend forever making this up to you if I have to.”
Your giggles are muffled against his mouth, but he hears it anyway, and knows that he would die to listen to them everyday. “. . love you too,” you breathe. “I don’t care if it's forever. As long as it's you. Only you.”
At that moment, nothing else matters. Not the rain outside, not the mess they’ve made of things, not even the fact that he probably soaked both of you to the bone. All that exists is the two of you — together and whole, mending and fracturing, coming together in a desperate tangle of limbs and lips.
He feels you push him down on the couch, and he leaned back against the soft cushions, his breath coming in ragged pants as you straddled his lap. His ears burnt crimson as the heat of your body seeped through your clothes, igniting a fire deep in his core. Your lips crash against his in a bruising kiss, teeth clashing, noses bumping and tongues tangling as you lose yourselves in the passion.
His hands roamed hungrily over your curves, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hips as he pulled you harder against him. You could feel his hardness pressing insistently against your core, separated only by the thin barrier of fabric. The friction was maddening, stoking the flames of his desire to new heights.
You rocked your hips in slow, deliberate circles, grinding your clothed sex against his straining erection. He groaned into your mouth, hips jerking upward to meet your movements. His hands slid up your back, fingers tangling in your hair as he held you close. Fuck. Never in a thousand years did he ever imagine himself in a situation like this, underneath you, but not that he is complaining anyway.
Breaking the kiss, you sat up slightly, looking down at him with heavy-lidded eyes. Your chest heaved with each ragged breath, nipples pebbled and visible through your thin sweatshirt. His gaze locked onto your breasts, mouth dry and eyes wide. No bra? His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he imagined taking one into his mouth, tasting your flesh, nibbling on it just enough to coax a lovely moan out of you.
You leaned down, nipping at his earlobe before whispering in a dulcet voice that makes him roll his eyes to the back of his head. “I want you so badly. I need to feel you..”
Holy fuck. He has never ever heard that tone from you before.
A shiver ran through him at your words, his cock twitching against your core. He knows that he must stop before it goes too far, because he’s just a second away from busting a nut in his pants. As much as he wants this, he knows that it’s wrong, and way too early. Closing his eyes, he takes a minute to collect himself, run his fingers through his wild, tousled hair as he shakes his head.
“Seokjin,” you whine, and the sound goes straight to his groin as your nails dig into his shoulders, hips circling a slow, deliberate grind. “Please, please . . ”
He pulls back with a groan, hands flying to your hips to stop you. His chest heaves as he forces himself to breathe. “Do not tempt me, ____.” he pants. The rush of calling you with your real name is so fucking strong and more arousing than he’d ever think, because he feels his cock leak out in his boxers. “I want you, fuck no, I need you. But. . . but not like this. I want to take you out first. I want to go out with you first. . . I need to do this right.”
Although the flash of disappointment is a bit too visible in your eyes, you nod breathlessly, eyes hazy with lust and satisfaction.
“Okay,” you agree. “Okay. Let’s do this right. As long as I have you with me.”
Later when the drizzle has quieted down , both the plates of your single serve lasagna which just served two empty and a happy tummy, you return with a towel in hand. He sits slouched on the couch, shoulders loose with exhaustion, but a grin on his face, because he just cannot stop smiling. You stand infront of him, working the towel through his hair, muttering for him to hold still and how stubborn he is that he cannot even dry himself on his own.
He huffs, but lets you fuss over him, eyes slipping shut at your warm and familiar touch. This isn’t something new to him either, the action of you drying his hair, and the position of you standing so close to him. He’s always imagined what it’d be like to hug you right there, because you smell so damn good and warm . . ! so, without warning, his arms wind around your waist, tugging you close until his cheek presses against your stomach.
You freeze, towel dangling, until you feel him relax into you, his voice muffled against the fabric of your shirt. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
He hears your startle and the surprised laugh, but soon your hands soften, carding gently through his damp hair, combing them with your fingers.
And for the first time, Seokjin knows that he’s finally got what he’s wanted since so long : to get close to you.
a/n : it’s been so long since i’ve written something fully, and i’m trying to get back to writing slowly. this was inspired by Seokjin’s song with the same title. if you enjoyed reading, feel free to leave a comment or through a reblog ⭐
you meet seokjin when you are twenty-one, wearing too much eyeliner and pretending not to be afraid of your own loneliness.
you are tired of loud love.
you’ve just survived your first heartbreak — all smoke and running and goodbye-shaped bruises. you’ve sworn off soulmates. you’re just trying to survive midterms and your body’s refusal to forget jungkook.
and then, there he is.
you meet him at your friend’s apartment. he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping ginger tea and watching the chaos around him with a faint smile.
he is the kind of beautiful that is unbothered.
clean hands. button-down shirt. eyes like a secret only he gets to keep.
you’re not sure what draws you in. maybe it’s the stillness. maybe it’s the way he notices you without trying to.
“you don’t like parties,” he says.
“is it that obvious?”
“only to someone who also doesn’t like parties.”
you end up talking for hours — about books, about childhood dreams, about the way grief can hide in laughter.
you leave that night with his number and a strange ache in your chest. not desire, not longing.
something gentler.
something like recognition.
⸻
you don’t fall in love with seokjin all at once.
you fall like leaves in october — one slow, quiet drop at a time.
he texts you good morning.
he remembers your coffee order.
he tells you to eat properly and sends you bad memes before bed.
you roll your eyes.
you save every one.
he doesn’t push.
he doesn’t rush.
he just… waits.
waits for you to trust that this love is not here to shatter you.
⸻
he takes you on quiet dates — libraries, bakeries, long walks in the golden hour.
he tells you he used to want to be a vet.
he tells you he believes in soulmates.
he tells you, one night, while holding your hand at a bus stop:
“i think some people come into our lives to remind us we’re still allowed to want more.”
you don’t know what to say to that.
so you kiss him.
soft. slow. safe.
for the first time in your life, love doesn’t feel like drowning.
it feels like floating.
⸻
you spend six months with him.
six months of quiet joy.
you meet his mother.
you get used to waking up beside someone who smiles when he sees you.
you think: maybe this is forever.
but not all soulmates are meant to stay the whole book.
some are chapters. some are footnotes. some are love letters the universe sends, then takes back.
⸻
he gets a job offer abroad.
a dream job. three cities away.
“i could turn it down,” he says, voice unsure.
“you could,” you whisper.
and then, you add — carefully, honestly — “but i don’t think you should.”
and that’s how it ends.
not with yelling.
not with betrayal.
just with quiet.
and love that is too big for one place.
⸻
on your last night together, he makes you ramen.
you eat in bed, watching your favorite film for the third time.
he presses a kiss to your forehead and says:
“you’ll be okay. i was just here to help you remember how.”
you sleep in his shirt that night.
in the morning, he’s gone.
⸻
you keep the shirt.
and every time you wear it, you remember that love doesn’t always have to break you to be real.
sometimes, it holds you up just long enough to heal.
💐 summary: once a year on the summer soltice, the veil between the realms thins. the couple can finally walk among the world without a care. what happens during midsummer, stays on midsummer.
💐 rating: 18+
💐 warning(s): swearing, exhibitionism, pet names, hickies, breast play, cock warming, dirty talk, penetration, unprotected sex (psa wrap it up), shooky being shooky
💐 word count: 2.3k
💐 credits: 💜 a special thanks to @kthpurplesyou , bee thank you so much for beta reading this fic!! 💜
banner resources found here: 1, 2, 3
💐 a/n: this is sort of a sequel to my fic Moon. i’d suggest reading that before this to understand what is going on 💜
for @btshoneyhive honey harvest cheers to another year with bhh. happy anniversary! 🎊🎉
“Jin, I’m home!” Y/N walked into her apartment, kicking her shoes off as she hung her coat on the hook and tossed her keys into the bowl near the door.
She didn’t have to go far to find the Faun, as something delicious intrigued her senses, making her walk into the kitchen. She leaned in the doorway, watching as he chopped some vegetables before dropping them into a pan on the stove. Her lips curled into a smile as he cooked, too lost in his task to notice her. She was still in awe from the first time they met. And just as before, he wore his favorite sweatpants, sans any other clothing, minus the apron wrapped snug around his waist.
Y/N crept up slowly behind, wrapping her arms around him, and stood on tiptoes to kiss the shell of his ear. Jin froze before a smile appeared on his lips? He lifted her easily without missing a beat and kissed her deeply. Y/N wrapped her arms around him, grinning into the kiss, happy to be back in his arms.
He pulled away, rubbing his nose against hers. “Well, hello there.”
“Hi to you too,” she said, giving him a quick peck.
“You just get in?”
“Mhmm. I called your name but got distracted by the view,” she teased with a wink.
He laughed, setting her back down. “How was work?”
“Eh, more or less productive,” she answered. “Hobi stopped by during my lunch break, so we went out to eat.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Not bad. He says hello and wants to hang out again at some point.”
It had been almost three years since Jin appeared in her life. She wanted a fresh start after a bad breakup and moving across town.
And a fresh start she received indeed.
Jin fell into her life. Literally.
After a nasty bump on the head, Y/N could see this magical man; the rest was history.
Due to his…nature, being seen publicly by any mortals would lead to chaos. That was the last thing he wanted for her. Of course, there was an initial shock when Hoseok met him. It took a while, but her friend grew accustomed to the Faun and became the best of friends.
Y/N opened the cabinet rummaging through the different spices and handed it to him. “It’s awfully quiet here. Where’s Shooky?”
“Sleeping out on the fire escape,” he answered, stirring the vegetables.
Y/N grabbed a carrot stick from the cutting board and leaned against the counter. She chewed quietly, watching him. “Want some more help?”
Jin shot her a knowing look, making her laugh. Right. He was particular about cooking. And while he did love when Y/N was his sous chef, they’d become distracted, and then the food would burn or dry out. She put her hands up.
“Alright. Point made.”
He smiled warmly, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I promise to let you know when it’s ready.”
“Works for me; I’ll go wash this grime away.”
As the water cascaded down, Y/N contemplated her situation.
Shaking her hair out of the shower cap, Y/N went to the fire escape. Her loveable but sassy Bombay cat Shooky was resting near her plants. Ears twitching, the cat opened his eyes. He stretched and walked up to her, purring as he rubbed her leg. She giggled and reached down to scratch behind his ears.
“Well, aren’t you being sweet today? You must want something.”
Shooky stopped purring and glared at her. “Hardly. I can’t just be happy to see you.”
Y/N snorted as she continued scratching his ears. “I’ll let you be sweet for now.”
Shooky rolled his eyes before plopping himself in her lap and napping. Y/N looked out at the view watching the twinkling lights of the skyline as twilight approached.
Jin stuck his head out, a faint smile on his lips when he saw Y/N dozing off with Shooky in her lap. He almost didn’t want to wake her, but he leaned in, kissing her forehead to wake her up. She stirred, opening her eyes as a sleepy smile appeared.
“Did I fall asleep?”
“Mmhmm. Dinner is ready. Or do you want me to put a plate up for you, Princess?”
She shook her head just as Shooky woke up and stretched his body. “No, I’ll join you.”
Once Shooky jumped from her lap, Jin helped her back through the window and towards the dining room table. He set the table, ensuring the food was arranged beautifully on the plates. Y/N filled Shooky’s bowls before taking her seat as Jin grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack. He poured them each a glass as they settled into their meal. Y/N took a bite as her eyes closed in euphoria.
“This is delicious.”
“I’m happy you like it, Princess.”
They made small talk as they finished their dinner, and Y/N washed the dishes before joining Jin on the couch. He pulled her onto his lap, kissing her cheek as he turned to a movie they wanted to watch. Y/N settled her head into his lap, and he stroked her hair.
“So what do you and Hobi plan to do?”
“A festival coming up next week seemed pretty cool.”
“Oh? What festival?”
Y/N reached over to grab her phone and scrolled through her messages. “Um, a Midsummer festival.”
His eyes widened. “Midsummer?”
“Uh-huh.”
His brows knitted in confusion as he began to mutter to himself. “Midsummer? Already? Couldn’t be.”
Y/N twisted to look up at him with concern. “Jin, what’s wrong?”
He glanced at her as a small smile appeared. “Nothing. Seriously.”
“Are you sure?”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his face. Y/N tried not to worry, but Jin had one of the most expressive faces. If he was upset or happy, it showed on his face.
The week went by without issues until she came home one day to Jin and Hoseok whispering to each other. They stopped talking once she entered the living room and returned to playing their video game.
“That wasn’t suspicious at all,” she commented as she placed her bags down.
Hoseok chuckled, giving Jin a long glance. “How was work, Y/N?”
“It was work. How was y’alls day?”
Jin pressed the pause button, but to Hobi’s dismay, and finally looked at his girlfriend. “Good. Are you busy this weekend?”
Y/N walked over to scan the calendar on the corkboard. She shook her head, turning back towards him.
“No. I’m free this weekend. Why?”
“Just be ready around seven and dress up. I’m taking you out on a date.”
Her jaw almost reached the ground.
---
“Jin?”
“Yes, Princess?”
“Are you sure it’s safe to be out here?”
He turned to look at her with a grin. “Of course.”
“But–”
“Do you notice anything?”
“Notice what?”
“Exactly. No one is looking at me.”
He was right. No one gave him a second glance. It felt strange. The horns on his head didn’t cause any alarm. The Faun was finally out in public with his girlfriend. As they sat there at the restaurant enjoying each other’s company, Jin couldn’t help but feel relieved. He could finally be out in public with Y/N.
“So why can we be out like this?” she asked as they walked through town.
Jin brought her hand to his lips, giving her an endearing smile. “It’s midsummer night, Princess. The longest night is during the summer solstice. I can walk around and be seen, but not as a Fae.”
Kissing her hand, he noticed it calmed her as they continued their walk.
“So where are we going?”
Jin chuckled softly, squeezing her hand. “It's a surprise.”
She quirked her brow at him inquisitively. She didn’t enjoy surprises, but she trusted that Jin wouldn’t do something too extreme. As they walked through the town, she noticed as they approached a park with a gazebo in the middle. The gasp that left her lips was enough evidence for Jin to know she was pleased.
Fairy lights tingled around the railings with flowers and ivy wrapped around them. A table was set with the works, champagne chilling in a bucket as soft music played from the speakers.
Y/N turned to look at Jin in disbelief. “Why? How?”
He reached up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. “Hoseok helped me set this up.”
“This is beautiful,” she whispered.
“Hardly pales in comparison to you, Princess,” he replied.
Her face heated up from his words, and he laughed at how cute her response was. He led her to one of the chairs and helped her into the seat before taking his own. Y/N was in awe, looking around the gazebo.
They outdid themselves. She made a mental note to get Hoseok. He could never keep a secret, so it was amazing how he held it in.
Now that she was here, Jin had become visibly nervous. They enjoyed the grilled vegetables and chicken meal as small talk carried on. He fiddled with the napkins while trying to think of something to say.
“–Jin?”
He blinked a few times. “I’m sorry?”
Y/N looked at him curiously. “Are you okay? You seem quiet.”
He gave her a small smile before clearing his throat and drinking some water. It was now or never. “Y/N?”
“Yes?”
Jin stood from his seat and buttoned his jacket. Clearing his throat again, he held his hand out for her to take. Y/N wiped her mouth and grabbed his hand as he walked her over to one of the archways. Staring into her eyes, it calmed him down a bit.
“Y/N, we've been through some tough times. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through before we met, but since then, I never wanted to see you cry again. These three years have been the best time of my life, and I want to continue this journey with you.”
Was this happening? Y/N was speechless as she listened to Jin. It was happening.
Jin dropped to one knee, holding a small box covered in crushed velvet. As he opened it, she let out a choked sob. The rose gold band glittered with garnet gems.
“Will you marry me, Princess?”
Still fighting back the tears, her head bobbed. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you, Seokjin.”
He slipped the ring on with care before pulling her into his arms. It seemed as if time stopped. It wasn’t until his lips brushed hers that she was taken out of her trance. She gripped the front of his shirt, deepening the kiss. Jin groaned into the kiss letting his tongue swipe her lips. Y/N obliged, moaning softly. Jin shuddered as soon as her hands left his chest and reached to caress his horns.
He broke their kiss, breathing hard.
“You know what that does to me?”
“Of course, I do, Jin,” she cooed softly.
Growling, he gripped her waist and shoved her against a pillar. “So you want to do this right out in the open?”
A mischievous grin crossed her face. “Sounds tempting.”
She leaned closer, nipping his neck as he bit down on his lip. “I promise not to be too loud.”
Jin panted as he pulled up her dress with a smirk. “Fuck that. I want everyone to know now.”
Y/N wasted no time unzipping his pants. So much franticness at the moment, wanting only to reach one goal together.
Not much prep work was needed as Jin’s cock slapped out onto his stomach, the cum dribbling down an angry head. Y/N licked her lips as she slipped her panties down. Jin grabbed them, putting them in his back pocket. Grinning, he hiked up her leg, wrapping it around his waist. Jin slipped past her folds with one fluid motion after getting her consent. His head dropped to her shoulder as expletives flew from his lips.
“So tight, Princess. And all for me.”
“Uh-huh. M-Move Jin. P-Please,” she begged.
His hips snapped forward as lustful noises erupted in the gazebo. Jin settled between the swell of her breasts, licking, sucking, nipping her flesh as marks began to bloom. Y/N’s nails dug into his shoulders, holding on for dear life—skin slapping skin.
Promises pass their lips in their haze of pleasure.
“I love you, Princess,” he murmured.
“I-I l-love you too, Jin. Fuck, right there. Yes!”
“I wanna cum deep in that pussy. May I, Princess? Can I fill you up?”
“Yes! Please!”
He slowed his movements, letting her feel every inch. Her walls clenched around him as he kissed her feverishly.
“I’m so close, Jin. P-Please,” she purred into his ear.
“Cum with me, Princess,” he husked out.
At that moment, as his movements stuttered, Y/N clamped around his cock as she felt the spring unravel. Gasping, she cried out as Jin let out a long groan; he twitched before painting her walls white, filling her to the brim.
They lay against the pillar catching their breath, until Jin gently placed her on the ground, holding her up. Y/N pecked his lips as a sigh of contentment passed her lips. Jin stroked her hair, smiling at her.
“How are you feeling?”
She laughed, shaking her head. “I never excepted to be engaged or even have sex outside in a park.”
Jin’s distinct laugh had him tipping his head back. “Okay, the latter was not planned, but I have to say, now that I know you like exhibitionism–”
“Aht. Aht. Let’s not get carried away. I got caught in the moment.”
“It was a great moment.”
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You lucky I love you.”
Jin kissed her forehead, nuzzling her cheek. “I love you too, Princess.”
Pairing: ghost!Seokjin x reader (supernatural!au, s2l!au)
Genre: romance, smut
Warnings: language, mentions of blood, multiple sex scenes, sensory play (includes wax play), bdsm themes (choking, spanking, rope play, angry sex, biting, orgasm denial, edging), fingering, oral (both), voyeurism, masturbation, dom!Jin, angry Jin
Sin: Wrath
Summary: Blood runs thicker than water, but when the ghost in your newly inherited apartment decides he’s had enough of you and your lineage, you find yourself at his mercy. Seokjin not only haunts your apartment but also your dreams, and you’ve woken up soaking wet in the middle of the night more than once. Despite his wish for revenge, you find yourself not wanting to escape his clutches.
Word count: 15k (I tried I am sorry)
rating : 18+
A/N: This is my sin for the collab hosted by @yutasgalaxy @sugasbabiie and @thebiasrekkers Seven Deadly Sins. Check out the collab and everyone’s amazing work. It’s been a journey, and I am somewhat excited and glad to post this. I worked hard on it after having gone through some not so great times in my personal life. Sadly, this will probably be the last collab for me for a while as I need to get back to my own work. That being said I hope you enjoy this in-jin-ius idea (she hopes) and probably the darkest smut I have ever written. I am so nervous about this honestly. Thank you to my shadow beta as always for reading this and making sure that 3am ramblings sound good. @notyouroppar 💜
Copyrights @joyfulhopelox for both the work and the banner
Taglist: @bringmetheksj @8sjaf
@diorejeon @valentinesbts
As always please leave feedback and/or talk to me as i love to hear from you! Enjoy <3
His heart is a suspended lute; As soon as you touch it, it resonates. - Edgar Allen Poe, The Fall of House of Usher
=====
Promised to him as his betrothed
The first daughter of a liar
When the pact was made and business was fulfilled
At the liar’s hand he was betrayed
Slayed before the promise could be kept
For generations the liar’s family with his wrath shall be met
Bound to the place until the daughter offers her hand
He will forever haunt the land
For one to be able to leave the other must forfeit.
=====
Diary entry #103
It’s dark in here, so dark. My mind is constantly plagued by numbing blackness. Being here feels like being submerged in tar, I can’t move, I can’t feel anything, I can only think and dream. And what I dream of the most is revenge.
Returning to one’s home after a long day of work should, without a doubt, be a pleasant experience. Nothing compared to the feeling of passing the threshold, warmth radiating from inside the house, enveloping you. Home is the feeling of taking your shoes off after you’ve come back from a long day. Home is the feeling of changing out of your stuffy clothes straight into pyjamas, it’s that first cup of tea you brew for yourself as you sit down – your aching legs thanking you for giving them a moment of respite and you in turn, thanking them for holding the fort for the whole day. Home is a smell, a smell you can’t describe, a smell that is uniquely yours. Home means safety, nestled in between your blankets ready to doze off as you recharge, preparing to tackle another gruesome day.
In your eyes, nothing felt like home if any of these were missing from the criteria. And currently you were not only lacking all of these, but in an awkward position of having to recreate them.
Standing at the threshold of your newly inherited home – the home your late grandmother passed onto you, your eyes took in all the mess that resembled a Picasso painting. Almost everything was still packed in boxes. Whatever wasn’t was strewn around the empty floor, in such a hazardous way you wondered if you even had a floor to begin with.
“Ma’am, we are going to have to make some space for the couch to come in.” One of the men hired to help you move interrupted your lament and you awkwardly nodded at him, shifting from one foot to another. You would have time later to think about the mess your new house was in – if a glass of wine could make its way into your hand whilst that was happening, even better.
“If you could bring it up, I will move some things around.” You said appreciatively. As soon as the door closed after him you moaned in despair. The stacks of boxes would take you forever to move, and you certainly didn’t have any ideas of where to place the couch. You’ve barely had time to explore the place, let alone think about its interior design. If they left it in a place that was not suited for your taste later on it would be up to you and your back to move it around. And you certainly didn’t possess the strength of three grown men.
“It’s ok Y/N, you got this.” The encouragement sounded meek to your own ears, but it did its job. For the next few minutes you occupied yourself with moving boxes out of the way. Your back protested against the constant strain but you couldn’t help and let out a small shout in triumph at the sight of the mahogany floor.
So preoccupied with moving the boxes you didn’t even notice the squeak of the door as it opened fully until a gust of cold air hit your back. Shivering from the iciness of it you turned around ready to ask for some time as you weren’t done yet.
“Have you already ret–“ You stopped, a look of confusion on your face at the sight of the empty corridor. Cautiously you made your way towards it, the fleeting thought of someone playing a prank on you making you feel irked.
“Hello?” Calling out, you reached the doorway. Nothing was amiss except the lack of people or a doorstop that could hold the door open in such a way. Hand cautiously reaching out to touch the darkened wood you checked the hinges, the springs. Knowing they should have closed the door on their own, and not being able to feel the breeze anymore, you sucked in a deep breath and took a step back, your eyes widening. It was impossible for the door to stay like that, what was holding it open?
The thought of something supernatural made you scoff, you weren’t a believer, regardless of your family’s past. Not wanting to believe that anything but a fault in the mechanism could have caused the door to open and stay like that, you stepped out into the corridor.
The feeling of being submerged under water overtook your senses. You couldn’t breathe, speak or hear, everything felt muted. You shivered, the coldness making your nerves on edge. Unable to move, your limbs felt like lead, spots of white dotted your vision and you found it hard to focus on anything but your clenching stomach. You tried to call out, desperate for air, but you realised soon that your throat was constricted; your airway clenched as if someone’s hand was slowly closing over it, squeezing it like a wet rag.
With the familiar feeling of a panic attack making its way up your spine and the splotches of black painting the corner of your vision, you knew you wouldn’t last long. Eyes darting along the corridor searching for something to help, they settled on the far end of the corridor where you spotted the men bringing up your couch. Upon hearing them shout instructions at each other you almost sighed in relief before attempting to call out to them– nothing but a gargle to your ears which didn’t manage to get their attention.
Panicked you willed yourself to move, to try to get at least one foot out of the door, your brain somehow knowing that whatever was immobilising you had a direct link to it. The movers were getting closer and closer to you and you felt your knees shake underneath you. They didn’t seem to notice you as the man facing your way looked at you, you noticed his eyes glazed over, as if…as if he was looking through you.
Desperately your eyes darted back towards the apartment, hoping to find something that could aid you. The sight that greeted you made you pause. The man sitting in the middle of your open lounge, casually leaning against a stack of boxes, his tousled black hair covering his forehead in soft waves, framing his deep onyx eyes. Eyes that were trained on you, a smirk pulling at his plush lips, something dark painted on his soft features. If you would’ve gasped if you could. He looked ethereal, alabaster skin almost glowing in the artificial lights bathing the room, yet his presence exuded darkness and danger. Still smirking at you he pushed himself off of the stack of boxes, eyes locked on yours as he languidly licked his lips.
“It isn’t nice when you’re not able to move is it?” He never opened his mouth, his lips still trained in a mischievous smirk, but somehow you knew that the smooth soft voice belonged to him. Gulping with difficulty you went to open your mouth, forgetting for one second you were restrained. “Nuh uh,” the tut echoing through your head was followed by an airy laugh. It would’ve sounded beautiful if not for the dark tone seeping through it like ink blotting on a piece of paper. “Good try puppet, but you can’t. Not yet. Not until I’m through with you.” His voice promised a dreary ending and your spine stiffened as you shivered.
Taking a few steps towards you, his face dropped into an unemotional mask – long gone was his smirk and you couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. Smirk gone you could easily drink in his almond eyes, and his smooth skin so white it made it seem like the light was passing straight through it. You felt entranced as you followed every step he took towards you. His movements were smooth and natural yet there seemed to be a trail behind his movements, as if he was too fast for your eyes to catch. It made him seem so fluid that it almost transcended reality. Unknowingly, you let a whimper escape as he got closer and if you’d blinked you would’ve missed the way his face morphed into a snarl.
“You don’t get to play victim here Y/N.” This time his mouth moved with the words making your heart clench at the ominous tone in his voice. “You have sins to pay for.” He was closer - so close that you could see the lashes framing his eyes. You couldn’t move your body so instead you tried to turn your head away. Almost crying in relief when you found that you could, you closed your eyes. forcing the tears that gathered at the corner of your eyes to trail onto your cheeks, your mind pleading for this to end.
“Ah, little Y/N is scared, good. You can pray however much you want. There is no escape.” In hindsight, you should have never turned your face away from him. You’d hoped that if you didn’t see him, he would disappear like a figment of your imagination. When you felt the cold brush of something against your neck you gasped wanting to look back but finding that you were completely trapped. “You’re now in my territory.” The coldness wrapped around your neck. It felt as if you’d put on a choker that was left in the fridge for too long; it clung to your skin, it burnt.
“Good luck.” The tight feeling around your neck felt suffocating and it took you a second to realise that it wasn’t ice, the imprint of it tightening on your skin felt like fingers – he was choking you. Before you could react, the feeling of being trapped underwater and the heaviness in your limbs let up, and your ability to breathe returned. A strong breeze passed through you, almost knocking you over. At the same time the lights down the corridor fizzed and flickered. The unexpected sound of them exploding made you jump, the loud crash causing your knees to buckle, and you lowered yourself to the ground. With half of the lights in your apartment gone you could barely make out the end of the corridor, but you didn’t need to see to know that he was there. And he was waiting. Seokjin.
=====
“Ma’am. Could you please move out of the entrance? We can’t bring the couch in if you are blocking the way.” For what it felt like the umpteenth time that day, you jumped feeling your heart take refuge in your throat. Blinking you realised you could not only move, but you’d never even crossed the threshold nor fallen to the ground. Eyes raking across the room you noticed that nothing was amiss, the lights were working and intact and there was no beautiful danger anywhere in sight. You’d been standing still in the middle of your entrance. You went to turn around to apologise when you realised the feeling of your hands unclenching hurt as if you’d been doing that for a long time.
“I’m sorry, I’ll get out of your way now. Just drop it wherever.” You apologised to the slightly miffed men watching you with mild irritation. You reveled in your ability to move, breathing a sigh of relief, as you got out of the entranceway.
Watching as they brought the couch in, your eyes barely focused on anything of substance, your mind too preoccupied with undoing the puzzle of what just happened earlier. You could easily deem it to be your imagination – and you would’ve, if not for the name stuck on your tongue like honey setting your body on fire. Seokjin.
Diary entry #40
They’ve not allowed me to see her but I got a glimpse as they transferred me to a different cell. Even from afar she looked so beautiful like a flower in full bloom on a sunny spring day. She was warm, she made me happy. I wanted to go to her but those wretched bastards only laughed at me as I begged on my knees to be allowed to see her. They dragged me by the neck. But they don’t know. They don’t. Just wait until I have theirs.
=====
The slight anxiety that gripped you when the movers finished bringing everything up and left, should have been a good indication to pick up your phone and call a friend. Regardless of what happened, or didn’t happen- as you kept trying to convince yourself, the house was unfamiliar territory. Its cream coloured walls, accentuated by the mahogany floors, combined with the wide entryways and tall ceilings, were by far what you’d call comfortable.
Your grandmother passed it on to you, her sole inheritor, but she’d never once mentioned an apartment of this size - and you could barely even remember visiting your grandmother in your childhood. As an adult, you’d moved away for work and never looked back. If that didn’t scream broken family you didn’t know what else did. You didn’t know much about your family, immediate or removed. Not ones to talk about themselves much, nothing worthwhile was mentioned during your make believe family reunions, and so you rarely bothered to ask.
Looking around the room, you sighed at the sheer amount of work you’d have to do. The boxes that once pretended to be stacked neatly were haphazardly scattered round - you immediately spied the one labelled kitchen sitting on its side and rushed to set it straight hoping nothing smashed. Tired and overwhelmed, you sat down on the couch – the couch that never ended up where it was meant to. Instead it was carelessly left crooked in the middle of the living room like a totem. You wanted nothing more than to sleep but a slight remnant of fear from your earlier experience nagged you to stay awake at least until dawn.
Glancing at your watch you felt the pull of sleep at your eyelids. Combined with the familiarity of the couch, if not the room, you conceded that you could maybe take a short nap. Curling in on yourself, you felt your body relax; tendrils of sleep made their way into your tired thoughts and a familiar haze engulfed you. Earlier you were cold, as the stale air in the apartment was not warmed up by the heating. Whereas in that moment, you felt warm as if a blanket had been placed over you. Your eyelids drooped to the rhythmic tik tok coming from the grandfather clock down the corridor. You basked in the sound for a second, until, through muddled thoughts, you realised it was increasing in tempo, now accompanied by a tap in the pipes and…whistling?
The familiarity of the tune was enough to awaken you, but no matter how much you tried to pull yourself out of sleep you found that you couldn’t. What was it? Hamlet? No. Danse Macabre! Leaded limbs and head stuffed with cotton balls, you could only be still as you tried in vain to convince yourself it was your overactive imagination combined with the day’s strenuous activity. Surely it was the old piping system. That, or the wind from outside making its way through the unseen cracks in the windows; your mind could’ve conjured the rhythm to a classical piece you’ve heard more than once. As the sound of the pipes’ metallic banging increased in volume you desperately shut your eyes, hoping that you would fall asleep somehow. You could deal with the apartment’s disrepair, and your regret about moving in, later.
Dots of white danced behind your eyelids, and you could feel the goosebumps rising on your skin from the cold air that caressed you through your clothes. Shifting as much as the heaviness in your body would allow, you fought to get yourself more comfortable, the soft couch against your back. The light touch of air against your ankles crawling further up made you jolt your leg. You felt awake with thoughts rushing through your brain but muddled with the desire to let yourself sleep.
“Oh come on.” Mumbling into your arm, you shook your legs again bringing them closer to you. Lying on your back now, with your feet planted firmly onto the couch, knees bent as you crossed your ankles, you hoped this would protect you from the chill permeating the house. You refused to get up and try to fix the heating – not until you had a satisfying amount of sleep and some food in the morning.
You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the banging had stopped. You smiled in relief- Peace. “Finally, I can sleep.”
“Think again, little lamb.” Jerking on spot at the familiar voice, you tried to sit up, only to find yourself unable to move once more. Eyes wide open, you looked around looking for its source, until you zoned in on the intruder.
Him. You opened your mouth to speak but only a garbled whimper made its way past your lips.
“Shhh, Y/N, you don’t have to speak. Just feel.” His voice was enticing, the way his lips moved with each syllable enraptured you, and you closed your mouth obediently. You tried to squirm in hopes of breaking free from whatever was holding you down. But his tut drew your attention towards him once more. He was beautiful with his red blood lips, white skin and eyes as piercing as lightning. You were so bewitched by him that you were too late to realise that the ticklish feeling you’d felt along your ankle was not the draft coming in through the windows. Crawling its way past the inside of your knee, slowly tracing the soft skin underneath your clothes, you shivered. Glancing down, you almost missed the mist that enveloped your whole body. On closer inspection, you could see the way it bent and trailed across your clothes, within the opening of your trousers, almost moulding to the nooks, moving like water - slowly but surely reaching higher and higher up your leg.
A breathy moan made its way past your lips when it reached the inner part of your thigh, a sensitive spot for you. The sensation was too much for you and you tried vain to move away. As your breathing came out in raspy pants, your eyes found the man once more, silently pleading - for what you didn’t know. The more you felt caressed in intimate places the more you didn’t want it to stop.
“Please.” You stuttered, the spark of joy at being able to talk gone in a flash as the airy tendrils reached the edge of your underwear tracing the seams not quite touching you where you needed it.
The ethereal man smiled crudely at you, his darkening eyes piercing right through yours. “Say my name, pet.” He demanded and you glanced at him confusedly. “You know it, you must have heard of me.” He insisted and you opened your mouth to admit to his statement.
“Seokjin.” Gasping in surprise you shut your lips tightly. At the same time you felt the pressure against your pussy lips increase in response to the name. It reached right above your panties slightly teasing your inflamed clit causing sparks to travel up your spine in pleasure. “I–“ You could barely think, the sensation of your panties slowly being teased, the hems being lifted slightly to allow more room. When the material clung to your mound you whimpered in shame, eyes flitting around the room. You realised how wet you were already, and only from the ghost-like touches.
“Eyes on me, pet. I need to see you, I need to watch the shame in your eyes as you come for your worst enemy.” Confused at his words but unable to produce anything but a wanton moan you felt the pressure move from your mons to your clit. The slight thrumming and rhythmic circles that the tendrils were subjugating you to, created goosebumps on your skin.
Even if your eyes snapped back to Seokjin you barely noticed when he moved, the speed with which he did was too fast for your eyes to catch. Smirking down at your flabbergasted expression he knelt down by the side of the couch dangerously close to your immobile legs. Surprised but still under the spell of the sexual ministrations, you resisted the urge to let yourself succumb to the pure unadulterated pleasure coursing through your veins.
“Let go little lamb, let me control your needs. Look at you, so desperate for release. You’re so wet I can smell you.” Seokjin sang enticingly and for a moment you found yourself ready to let go, your head loling backwards as a loud moan was ripped out of your throat.
“Seokjin, please just-“ You couldn’t finish the sentence, you didn’t know what you wanted from him. To fuck you? To make you come? To let you go? All these were running through your head, the second of clarity gone as the light touches against your clit became increasingly insistent, pushing on the nub, rubbing it side to side, making you squirm at the tightness you felt in your abdomen. Your own slickness became louder and louder to your ears and you let your head drop completely as you pushed your hips upwards in an attempt to increase the pressure onto your pussy.
“Ah little lamb, that’s it, let yourself go. I want to see your beautiful pussy as you come for me.” His words barely made it through your pleasure riddled brain. When you felt your clothes being removed from you, the sensation of molten chocolate once again caressing your skin as if you were bathing in it, you lifted your head. The surprise of seeing your clothes just melt away from your body didn’t deter from the way your pussy clenched, it added to it. You didn’t know whether it was a dream or not but your brain decided it didn’t matter, its sole goal was to release the tension you’ve been feeling for weeks. And if all it took was a hallucination of yours, you would more than happily take it.
“Ah look at you, so wet and so ready for me. You’re so eager and look so delectable that I can’t resist you, pet.” Seokjin hummed in appreciation and for a second he looked less angry, the smile of satisfaction making him look younger, freer. He was attractive, and you voiced that out loud without a second thought.
“You’re beautiful.” You mused breathily regretting from the moment you watched his face morph from a smile to a grimace.
“Stop!” He yelled out. The anger radiating off him seeped through you, cold and ruthless like the winter wind. “Do not call me that!” At the venom in his voice you wanted to reel back, but, unable to move, you settled for closing your eyes as a shiver ran down your spine.
“It seems like you need to be reminded, pet, that I am not here to please you. I am here to hurt you, make you scream until your throat goes raw, make you beg for release. Just like I begged for mine.” Seokjin spat out. “Now look at me!” Your eyes flew open at his demand, the harsh slap against your thigh. You wanted to protest, rebel against his hold on you, but the cold touch of his fingers on your heated skin and the constant pressure on your clit were making it hard for you to think of anything but the fire coursing through you. Bucking your hips, you bit your lip and moaned as you locked eyes with his dark obsidian ones.
Smirking in satisfaction he dug his fingers into your skin. For a moment you sputtered realising how pale he was close up, and if you squinted at him hard enough you could see the outline of the boxes behind him. Confused for a moment you disconnected from what was happening around you, your mind reeling with possibilities.
“What are you?” You whispered. Trying in vain to lift yourself onto your arms to get a better look at him you gasped when you felt the coldness wrap around your wrists, holding you in place. Ripping your eyes off of his you spotted the wispy coils tightly secured around your arms, tight enough for you to feel the pressure, but not to hurt you.
“Later pet,” Seokjin hummed, eyes flitting between your face and your wet pussy. “Now you’re going to watch me as I taste you.” Gasping not only at his words but the intrusion between your cunt, his fingers separating them as he basked in how wet you were, and all for him.
“Fuck, wait–“ Your hips jolted as the two fingers found your entrance and plunged in without a warning. The squelch of your pussy as his fingers pumped in and out mercilessly and the sight of his hooded lustful eyes watching it as if it was the most delectable meal made you moan. The shame of your wanton abandon made you hotter, edging your orgasm on. “Ah, Seokjin.” You cried out fighting to keep your eyes on him.
At the mention of his name, he roughly pushed his fingers in as far as they would go, making you instinctively want to lift your hips up, forgetting about the weight of the mist holding you down. “Do not say my name, not when you’re moaning my name like a whore, it’s Master to you pet. Understood?” Glancing at you for a second, his free hand pinching the side of your hips he waited, fingers stationary in you. The feel of him so deep within but unmoving, made your walls clamp around him, desperate to feel the friction again.
“Understood?” He asked again, his voice expressing the lack of patience at your unresponsiveness. Nodding at him, you knew it was the wrong response when the fingers that still dug into the side of your hips painfully pressed harder making you yelp. “Out loud.”
“Yes… Master.” The words, as degrading as they sounded to you, served their purpose and you sighed when his hard eyes softened, his fingers resuming their activity within your hungry pussy. Realising you were getting more turned on by the minute, Seokjin’s dominance over you– a catalyst, you moaned out in shame. His fingers were filling you up and the friction was enough to set you on fire.
He pumped them mercilessly within you, a hungry look in his eyes; the need to see you fall apart under him; the need to see you suffer in pleasure, fuelling his rage. Not stopping his ministrations, not even when you begged him for more, your slick walls craved to be touched and handled rougher. You were reaching the edge of release when slowed down, lazily feeling you, his fingers slowly pistoning in and out.
“Seokjin, please, I’m close.” You whimpered, raising your hips as much as you could to match his movement.
His eyes trailed up to yours slowly, the hungry look tainted by a spark of pure pleasure. He enjoyed seeing you suffer. Pulling out of you, he presented to you the fingers that were once in your pussy, the wetness shining in the overhead light. Everything went quiet, you couldn’t even hear the sound of the old pipes barely withstanding the water passing through them, and for a second you remembered you were dreaming, this was not real. Ashamed at yourself for being so lewd you wanted to look away but could only blink enraptured as he lazily traced them over your stomach, leaving wet trails all the way back down to your cunt.
“So beautiful. Such a shame.” He whispered to himself and before you could question his words, his fingers pressed onto your sensitive nub once more making you arch your hips in surprise. The hand on your thigh tightened its grip, holding you in place preventing you from reaching your high.
“You’re not coming until I say so, pet.” He chuckled at your distress, disregarding your pleading look. Not giving you a break, he continuously played with your clit, rubbing it back and forth making you tremble in pleasure. “I want you on the verge. I want to see the satisfaction in your eyes when you're close to the edge.” He paused his movements, his eyes glinting with mischief as he licked his lips. Breath caught in your throat you gulped anxious to know what he would say but also desperate for him to keep touching you. When he descended his mouth over your mound you didn’t even bother holding in your sob of pleasure. His tongue parting your folds prodding you, slurping every bit of wetness you had to offer. He relentlessly drank you in, his tongue fucking into you harder than anyone’s done.
The tremors in your muscles were not giving up and you knew you were close. If he carried on he’d set you over the edge, the ball of pleasure tightening in your abdomen ready to be released. Still held tight onto the couch, your hands gripped at anything they could.
“Seok– master, I can’t–“ you whimpered, unable to stop yourself.
Hearing the despair in your voice he glanced at you, his mouth still on your pussy, savouring you as if he was a starved man. True to his promise, as soon as he felt you clench around his tongue, he retreated completely. Both of his hands gripped your thighs, preventing you from moving.
Sobbing in despair, you squirmed to get your hands free to touch yourself. You were so close, almost ready to go over the edge and succumb to the pleasure. But now as he left you alone, open to the cold air around you, your hands still unable to move, you couldn't do anything but whine as your cunt muscles clenched around air. You wanted to beg for your own release, yet you couldn't find the words necessary in between your desperate sobs and his touch on your thighs that spread you further open, smearing your wetness all over your sensitive skin.
The hunger in his eyes intensified as he took in your glistening pussy, the feeling of your muscles trembling under his touch giving him the satisfaction that he needed. He could feel how hard he was for you, yet he promised himself he would not seek his own release yet. He had no need to breathe, but the smell of you was so strong around him that he couldn’t help himself but inhale deeply, his nose buried in your folds, the tip almost touching your clit.
The lewd display and his actions did nothing to console you, he was not touching you as you wanted him to. Your voice was croaking as you sobbed, your fists clenching and unclenching as you squirmed around trying to feel some sort of pressure on your mound. Something to help you come.
“Maybe,” he crooned, “if you are good enough, I will let you come.” His nose still buried deep into you he punctuated each word with a small flick of his tongue against your pussy.
“Please, Master.” Completely letting go of any inhibitions, you begged and pleaded promising you would be good, if only he’d fill you up once more - you were so close and his tongue teasing you was keeping you on edge.
Seokjin felt the anger rage within him once more and his hand came down to slap your thigh, earning a yell from you at the sting. He didn’t stop, not even when the tears streamed down your face. Mercilessly he let his palm marr the sensitive skin only stopping from time to time to caress it. Once his slaps drew closer to your mound you felt an animalistic growl leave your throat. Your brain felt fuzzy and the pain and pleasure mixed so well that you didn’t care which one you were getting - to you it was all the same.
“Fuck.” The invasion of three of his fingers in your unprepared cunt made you howl out, your walls clamping around his hand.
“That’s it little lamb, cry for me.” He cooed, the hand that was not pumping inside of you softly stroking the reddened skin that he’d just slapped. “Good girl.” He praised you, the softness of his voice shifting something inside of you.
“Now you can come.” He demanded, his lips sucking at your clit, teeth grazing the nub as he roughly scissored the three fingers that were filling you up.
“Fuck Master, I’m coming.” You cried, the edging and yout senses on fire for a while making tears pool in your eyes, slowly trickling down your face. The sensation of being bathed in cold water as your nerves burnt with your release prolonged the feeling and you sobbed a moan, muscles cramping from being under tension.
“That is it pet, you’re so beautiful like that, desperate for my touch, desperate for me. Just like I was for you.” Seokjin smiled ruefully, a spark of sadness blooming behind his eyes. If you were not crying before, you would have then as you felt a desperate need to wrap him in your arms. Reaching out, the tips of your fingers barely touching him, settling on the stray wisps of his hair, your teary eyes widened when you couldn’t feel him.
“What are you?”
Diary entry #125
She came to see me today. She hid from the guards and I couldn’t have been more proud of her. She was upset, she didn’t tell me why, but I could see it on her face – I could see from the streaks of tears that she cried well into the night. I didn’t ask, I have a feeling I know what she would say. I didn’t even talk to her. I embraced her and held her to me as I gave her my strength. We stayed like that until we could hear the shackles of the doors as the new guards came. Only then as I could see the back of her dress turning the corner did I tell her to find the grimoire.
=====
You couldn’t tell when the dream bled into reality, or if what you experienced was a figment of your sleep paralysed self. You could only feel the material of the couch against your naked lower half, the wetness that coated it making it rough against your skin. The pounding against your head felt like a jackhammer brought to your skull, and as you tried to lift yourself up, you realised how sore you felt.
Confused, in pain, and your brain still battling the shocks of the orgasm that woke you up, you let yourself fall back down onto the couch. Not moving a muscle until it suddenly felt cold once more, the fluids that coated you became sticky. All you could smell was your own cum as it dried out onto the couch and your legs. You struggled to push yourself off the couch with heavy limbs and sighed when you were greeted once more with the sight of the boxes strewn around you. You didn’t remember it to be this haphazard before you laid down to sleep – but then again you remembered very little from the previous day, the mental and physical strain blending it into a painting akin to a Dali.
I’m hurt little lamb. The melodious voice paired with the slight laughter sounded familiar, and your eyes widened. Seokjin, the beautiful but vengeful man that haunted your mind. You easily remembered the way his skin glowed as if transparent and the way he looked at you as if you were a prey. You shivered – what you mostly remembered was the tight grip he had on your ankles, holding your writhing body down as his skillful mouth on your pussy brought on your release.
Clenching your legs together trying to get a hold of your bearings, you remembered your nakedness. It surely was all a dream, it’s been a long time since you got the opportunity to release any tension; whether it be by sleeping with someone or your own fingers and shiny vibrator. It all explained why you’d conjure up such a man and such a descriptive dream so suddenly.
Never trust your mind, it will try to trick you into believing what it is easy for it to believe. You recalled what you had heard your grandmother say to you more than once. You were young and obnoxious. Not one for caring too much about an elder's advice - even now, you found yourself dismissing quite easily the testament that you were given, along with the news of her passing away.
When the grandfather clock struck the hour, the loud metallic sound made you jolt in panic. Still high strung and naked on the couch you realised you didn’t even know what time of day it was. Careful to not pull a muscle, you sat yourself up, tasting the bile slowly making its way up your throat.
“Ugh, that is disgusting.” You pulled a face, eyes searching for something to indicate how long you’ve been asleep for. The blinds were shut but not as fully and you could see the crack of dawn slither its way in, bathing the room in shadows. Fully awake but still too early to start unpacking you decided that a proper tour of the place was in order.
“Ouch.” Sliding off the couch you scoured the place for your trousers wondering how you managed to throw them all the way across the room. Slowly limping, your back and legs sore from the position you slept in, you reached them only to realise they were not only ripped to shreds but also soaked. As you bent down to pick your bottoms up, flashes of the moment you came violently as Seokjin, the man your mind conjured, fingered you ran through your head.
“How in the world–?” You pondered, heartbeat increasing in pace as your breathing got more ragged by the minute.
Across the corridor connecting the living room to the rest of the house, hidden in the shadows, Seokjin watched bemusedly as your mind kept trying to piece the events together, to make sense of what you experienced. He could still smell you, your fragrance still fresh in his mind and he basked in the memory of it, the need to have you once again, fully was making him impatient. Knowing that he had to wait for longer until then, his plan not yet executed, he sighed. His blood was singing with the need for revenge, the need to possess you, the need for you. But to you he was but a figment of your imagination. Eyes gleaming with excitement at what he had in store for you, he decided that keeping himself hidden would be a waste. So when you started muttering to yourself about the state of your trousers he lazily made his way out of the shadows.
“Little lamb,” He addressed you, ignoring the way you swerved round, eyes and mouth wide open. “I am surprised you can still walk, it was a wild rough night for you wasn’t it? Even worse for your trousers- I’m also not sorry about that by the way.” He shrugged emotionlessly, his eyes watching every move you made, like a cat waiting to pounce.
“You, what… am I still not awake?” You sputtered rushing to cover yourself, looking around for a second trying to find a clue for your answer. When you couldn’t see anything amiss, not like you would’ve been able to tell with the state of the apartment, you resorted to pinching your arm.
“Tsk, did you really think you were creative enough to make this whole thing up?” He laughed and you couldn’t help but stare at him, the sound was so unique and specific that you were entranced. You’re beautiful. “Is that what you were told? ‘Don't believe’?” You gasped as his face morphed once more into a mask of rage. “I knew your family was full of liars, but I didn’t think they’d keep this much away from you.” He seethed, fists clenching. The rage that coursed through him made him vibrate with hatred.
You couldn’t do anything but stare at him open mouthed. Your state of undress was not even important anymore – you watched in awe how the smoke like tendrils expanded once more from his body, lashing at everything and anything that was in his vicinity. When a stack of books hurtled your way you yelped and ducked, throwing yourself to the floor.
“Please stop.” You pleaded, eyes closed and arms covering your head as an attempt to protect yourself from the objects flying around the house.
“Why should I? Hm? Did they stop when I asked them to?” He raged, his spite so strong you could taste the venom on your tongue.
“Please, I don’t know what or who they are but I have nothing to do with it.” You sobbed, the pain from hitting the floor blossoming behind your eyelids, you knew it was going to leave a nasty bruise.
Only when the commotion seemed to die down, the coldness surrounding you disappearing along with it did you chance to look around, your heart struggling to get a grip of its own rhythm. Eyes widened you staggered to straighten yourself up, the man whose rage you tried to escape from now motionlessly standing in the middle of the room. He was not moving, and if you hadn’t experienced his mobility earlier you’d think he was just a statue, a prop in the middle of your living room. Your clean living room.
You glanced around mouth wide open, despite his rage, he managed to rearrange the furniture neatly, not one thing out of place. If your heart wasn’t acting like a frightened mouse inside your chest you would’ve laughed at the irony. The couch was placed in line with the middle of the living area, the bookshelves were all neatly hung and the books that ominously came for your head were lined up in a row... you squinted, alphabetically. Separate boxes, intact by the looks of it, were situated by the archway to the kitchen, and if you tried to crane your neck enough you could see the dark pans lining the shiny red tiles on the wall.
“You…” he spoke loudly, his voice so clear it echoed through the room. “You have everything to do with it.” Despite the words filled with blame, he looked tired and defeated. His face blended in a mixture of emotions, pain, regret, exhaustion. For a second you almost reached out to him, your hand already off the floor ready to comfort him. Then you remembered that he was not to be trifled with. He didn’t need your consolation - he hated you.
You also knew nothing about him, what he was, where he was coming from, why he was there? All these thoughts plaguing your mind you didn’t even notice him approach you until he crouched down next to you, his face so close to yours you could see the creases in the corner of his eyes, his irises mirroring his saddened expression. You could almost touch the smooth expanse of his skin, but upon closer inspection you realised you could see through it.
Gasping you reeled back distraught at your discovery. “What exactly are you? And why are you here?” You gulped, hoping your questions would not trigger another fit of rage from him. When nothing happened, you felt your shoulders lose the tension in them, grateful for the wall supporting you. It hadn’t even been a full day since you’ve moved, you were overwhelmed. You couldn’t even sleep on it–
“Wait if you’re real, does this mean…?” Looking down at your state of nakedness you all but blushed. Rising up, you quickly made your way towards the couch – the couch that now with his help stood in the exact spot you wanted it to, and grabbed the blanket off of it.
You turned around ready to wrap it around yourself when a hand, too cold to be comfortable, grabbed your wrist preventing you from moving.
“Little lamb,” he whispered, his voice as smooth and sweet as honey. The palm holding your wrist travelled up, tracing patterns over your skin, making it tingle with goosebumps. “Pet.” He sang again, his other arm encircling your waist pulling you to him and you gasped instinctively closing your eyes. Letting your head drop backwards onto his shoulder, your fist clenched as did your abdomen. It was all coming back to you. The memory of your orgasm, the way it ripped out of you like a storm. Your knees trembled and you bit your lip.
“My pet.” He breathed into your hair, his words trickling down your spine making you shudder as you released a breathy moan. “You are mine to use, and mine to play with, and right now, I don't want you covered by anything.” The blanket was ripped out of your hands and you whined, the last object that grounded you gone from your grasp. You held your breath waiting for him to touch you, your muscles already tense anticipating his next move. But when all he did was grip onto your hip tighter, leading you slowly towards the couch, you almost sighed. Conflicted, unsure whether or not you were grateful for the respite or disappointed you waited patiently, blinking up at him unsure of what to say.
“I am real, well as real as I can be.” He finally spoke, his chuckle filled with bitterness. He was standing in front of you, his hands rubbing his face as a tired man would do at the end of a long work day.
“Are you tired?” You whispered concern lacing through your words. You didn’t know why you’d felt compelled to ask him that. He was all but vengeful towards you, rough and uncouth. He didn’t need your sympathy. Judging by the way he grimaced at your words he was on the same page as you.
“Y/N. To die, to sleep— To sleep, perchance to dream." He quoted Hamlet. The exhaustion in his words transformed into something darker, deeper. Anger. He bent down so his face was on the same level as yours, a look of hatred crossing over his face. “The living dead are always tired. ”
Diary entry #203
Today is the day I will finally be free. I only need to retrieve the grimoire for him and I will be able to be with her forever. It’s such a sweet thought knowing that we can finally love each other. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for a long time.
=====
Your mouth dropped wide open in surprise, the unexpected answer causing you to pause. Your mind reeling with the implications of what he just said. “The what?” You whispered barely able to find your voice. You couldn’t quite understand what he was hinting at, but deep down you knew that he was not lying. The powers that he displayed, everything that you experienced at his hand - it couldn’t have happened if he was entirely human. But it couldn’t be possible, these things did not exist.
His laugh at your perplexed look was dark, dark enough to cause the goosebumps to rise on your skin once more and you shifted away from him, burying yourself further into the couch. Hands shaking desperate to cover yourself, not just your naked bottom half, but the whole of yourself. You felt exposed, the notion that he could be a supernatural being somehow made you feel stripped of any protection.
“Oh little lamb, you have so much to learn.” He took a step back and you released a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. “But I won’t be the one to teach you. You don’t deserve that. No one in your family does.” He seethed, the cold air picking up around you once more, making you tremble your eyes closing for a second, unable to calm your beating heart down.
“Seokjin.” Your voice sounded meek as you tried to pacify him, unsure whether or not your attention would make things worse. You tried to keep yourself composed despite all the warnings in your head that were screaming at you to run away. Opening your eyes, you were surprised when there was no angry supernatural being. If not for the sight of your newly unpacked boxes strewn around the clean apartment you would have thought you were still dreaming. Looking around you confusedly, trying to make sense of what had just happened your eyes landed on your trousers lying next to you, their tattered state reassuring you that it had not been your overactive imagination. Wearily getting up you hurried to cover yourself, unsure of what to do with yourself now that you were definitely certain of the presence of an angry being in your house.
Too sore and tired, the rational side of you won, you knew regardless of not having to unpack anymore, you had a lot of work to do. Eyeing the stairs that led to the upper floor you knew you’d better get the day started, there was a family tree you had to dig up and a history to unveil.
Diary entry #220
He lied, he lied and he will pay for it. He left me for dead once he got his hands on his prize. I’m lying here knowing I do not have much time, trying to think of her but all I can imagine is the pain I will put them through. His whole family. I will not stop until I feel satisfied with my revenge.
======
You didn’t expect to find anything in the old study that your grandmother had left untouched. When you first visited the house you found it odd that the whole house had been cleared out except for that one old room. The dust had settled over the brightly coloured futons, their velvet more than ready for a clean. The heavy furniture in there included a desk and some chairs dotted around the space - reading corners you suspected.
Cautiously you walked around the room, your sense of smell becoming more accustomed to the scent of old wood and dust invading your nostrils. Fingers grazing at the books set neatly on the shelves you grimaced at the amount of grime gathered on your hand. It was clear that the place hadn’t been aired or cleaned in a while, and you couldn’t help but wonder if your grandmother had even bothered to enter this room at all during her lifetime.
“What are you doing?” Seokjin’s loud voice breaking through the stillness of the room made you jump in surprise. Staring at him you didn’t know what to say, your mind plagued by thoughts on what he may have been. Remembering the way your hand went straight through him you suspected him to not be human, yet you couldn’t determine anything else.
“What are you?” You hadn’t intended on asking him that again, but your curiosity got the best of you.
Tutting as he shook his head he strolled around the space, his presence engulfing it. All of a sudden you felt trapped, his body languidly pacing around you, made the room seem smaller and you tried to shift into a corner hoping you would be unnoticed.
“Ah, I have been wishing for freedom for this place for so long. I don't know what freedom looks like anymore. I only know my hatred towards your family. A liar’s blood courses through your veins Y/N, and no matter what, I promised to get my revenge.” He spoke up not minding you, his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, a faraway look in his gaze.
You almost thought he’d forgotten about you until he turned around, his dark eyes fixed on yours. “Tell you what?” He made his way towards you, and with each step he took your breathing sped up. “You try to guess what I am…” when he reached you he bent down to your level, the cold air that always seemed to surround him fanning around you. “But if you get it wrong…” his finger trailed over your cheek, softly and you closed your eyes at the contact. “You will pay.” When he reached your throat, his fingers slowly tightened around it. Not enough to choke you, but enough that it startled you, your breathing erratic.
“I-“ trying to fight him, to tell him no, that this wasn’t fair to you and you never even wanted to meet him in the first place, let alone play these games with him. It all seemed futile. You couldn’t utter a word. Instead you found yourself staring at his face, his ethereal features, nodding in approval. Only when he disappeared from view did you realise the mistake you’d made.
=====
Your nights bled into your days, your sense of time completely shifted as Jin’s rage and wrath kept you awake throughout. The minor inconveniences during the day, such as your things going missing and appearing in other places around the house; turning the lights off and whistling randomly as he made his presence known; those were not the problem. During the night was when you actually experienced his revenge. His fits would leave you writhing under his tongue and fingers, wet and desperate for release, before an orgasm took over as you cried out his name. You knew as soon as you started anticipating your nights that you were in deeper than you’d ever intended.
Throughout the free time you had, and whenever he decided to offer you respite, you’d keep searching through the old library for the key to the locked box in the corner of the room.
“Give up Y/N.” Jin said boredly, his body leaning over one of the chairs, languidly stretching as if he was the one to experience sleepless nights instead of you.
Huffing at him, and trying to fight off the heat that threatened to swallow you whole just by hearing his voice, you stubbornly kept searching through the drawers. “Do you have nothing else to do?” You chanced it, not having had a conversation until now that involved more than you yelling out his name and begging him to allow you to come. With the realisation that he still hadn’t exactly mentioned what he was, you turned around to him.
“Grim reaper?” You threw it at him and he glanced at you amusedly.
“Nice try Y/N, but no. I am too handsome for that. Devilishly handsome.” He smirked at you knowingly and you snapped your fingers.
“The devil? Satan? A ghoul?” You fired them at him, the further down your list you got the more disgusted you became at what your mind conjured up. Days ago, you would have laughed at anyone who dared to imply the supernatural realm was real, now you were sleeping with one. Well, ish.
Seokjin’s laugh echoed out, the distinct sound was rare to your ears. “No, try again. Careful though,” his voice darkened and you paused what you were doing to glance at him. “Carry on this path and I’ll thoroughly feel insulted if you don’t figure it out.” He suddenly disappeared from your view and you gasped as you felt his breath right next to your ear.
“And don’t forget our pact…. The more you fail the more I get to…” The sharp pain you felt at the nape of your throat made you realise he’s sunk his teeth in you. “Hurt you.” His dark whisper once again promised pain, but you bit your lip from moaning out loud knowing that it also meant pleasure. You’d already missed so many times that you knew tonight would be a wild ride for you.
Only it didn’t. That night you spent alone in the library looking for the key, distracted by any sound that could indicate his arrival. Yet for the whole night, it was just you and the creaking sound of the pipes whenever a neighbour decided to use the hot water. Frustratedly you threw yourself onto the chair by the desk playing with your necklace trying hard to imitate Seokjin’s whistles. You stared at patterns on the ceiling, your eyes focused on one spot, your mind playing tricks on you when all of a sudden you gasped jolting out of your chair, your hand pulling at the necklace around your neck.
“This!” Hurriedly taking it off you stared at it, a cross like object dangling at the end of the chain its golden shine catching in the low light. When you received it you had no idea what it was, and you didn’t bother asking. You wondered on your own dismissing it as a jeweler's odd choice. Until now. Until this moment when you realised that it may be more important than you’d thought.
Slotting it into the lock of the box you cursed when it didn’t fit, and for a moment you were prepared to give up, when a flick of your wrist clicked the lock open. You stared at it for a second unsure of what you’d find if you opened it.
“Seokjin?” You called out instinctively. Realising what you’d done you shut your mouth tightly, your lips in a thin line and you glanced around for the supernatural apparition. When you couldn't see him you breathed in slowly, when had he become the person you relied on the most?
Dismissing the thought, you quickly placed a hand over the box, and without giving yourself the time to delay it anymore you opened the lid. You didn’t know what you’d expected, but the sight of a lone old book was not it. Raising an eyebrow confusedly you resisted the urge to curse. All this trouble for an old book? Feeling ridiculous, you carelessly picked it up. After your hand made contact with the cover you felt its energy coursing through your body. You immediately dropped it to the ground, your heartbeat speeding up as unintelligible whispers surrounded you. It took you a moment to decipher the mumbled whispers and jumbled words, but after a while you realised they were telling you a story.
A story about a man who, centuries ago, foolishly made a pact with a business owner, a witcher and a merchant. Having fallen in love with the businessman’s eldest daughter he agreed to bring a spellbook back - a grimoire. In return for his services the businessman promised him his daughter’s hand in marriage. Incited by the prospect of marrying the woman he loved, the man promised to lend the businessman his powers to retrieve the book. But instead of keeping to his promise, the businessman shackled the man, until the spellbook was retrieved. Beating him, using his powers as he lay on the grimy floor of a dungeon, he was treated like nothing short of a dog. The only thing that kept the man alive was the thought of his love, the hope still shining inside of him that maybe one day, the businessman would actually keep his promise. He knew all too well he was lying to himself but from time to time he got to see the woman he loved. That kept him alive throughout the torture he went through. The woman who tried to help him on more than one occasion, only to fail and fall under the wrath of her father.
When the spellbook was retrieved, the hope died. Instead of his daughter’s hand in marriage he received a dagger to his heart. Using the last of his energy he cast a vengeful curse upon the family. They would be forever haunted by his wrath, until the promise was fulfilled. Any member of the family that came across him would be forever bound to his spirit. Until the eldest daughter binds herself to him in marriage, no one would be spared. He would not rest until he got his revenge.
“…the other must forfeit.” You recited with the voices as if this was something you’ve known all along.
You didn’t realise you’d started crying until you woke up from the trance, your chest heaving with sobs. You sobbed for the man, the man whom you knew was in fact the very ghost haunting you, you sobbed for the woman who lost him, you sobbed for your family, the spark of hatred blooming in your chest. You knew it was your lineage that was at fault for his loss and for his wrath. You were more than aware of it now. Something akin to determination settled over you, and as you finally picked up the spellbook opening it you saw the flimsy brown pages of an old diary staring back at you. The penmanship was elegant and despite the rips in the corners, it looked to be in good condition.
As you settled yourself in a chair ready to read something shifted in you, and for once the thought of the beautiful ghost inside your apartment filled your heart with warmth.
Diary entry #2
I saw the most beautiful woman today as I made my way to the market. Her hair shines as brightly as her smile, her eyes are galaxies in the sky and her voice, a song sung by angels. I have never been struck by love but this time I fear that Cupid may have targeted my heart with all the arrows in his quiver. She smiled at me and offered me her hand in greeting and I almost lost my breath. I must get to know her, I must. My Y/N.
This was it.
======
You don’t know what possessed you, whether it was Seokjin himself or the knowledge that despite his hatred and anger towards you, he’s never actually harmed you, (he’d been rough, and left more than one bruise on you during his nightly sessions), but the memory of each and every orgasm you had under his ministrations made up your mind.
With that thought in mind you didn’t falter in your step once you reached the back of the house, where you knew you’d usually found him.
“Seokjin!” Yelling out his name, the only response you got was the cold echo of your voice ringing back at you. “Seokjin! Please.” You tried once more, aggravated at the situation. You needed him to come out, you needed to show him what you had found but you also just needed him. Turning on the spot when you couldn’t see him anywhere in the corridor, you decided to walk into your bedroom.
The room was barely lit, the light bulbs unchanged for so long and on their way out. Despite the low light you could clearly see the room and its lack of ghostly apparition.
“Seokjin! I have something to show you!” Yelling at the top of your lungs, hoping you wouldn’t disturb your neighbours as it was well past midnight, you waited once more. And once more only silence greeted you. Sighing in frustration you walked to your mirror deciding that if the stubborn vengeful ghost would not show himself, he was sure to show up in your dreams. Huffing and puffing whilst you got ready for the night you jumped startled when a loud bang was heard in the corridor. Jolting out of your seat, you rushed out to check if Seokjin had decided to play tricks on you once more.
“Stop being so stubborn.” You muttered to yourself.
There was nothing waiting for you in the corridor, the living room was devoid of any mischievous handsome apparition, and the kitchen was as clean as you left it before. When you heard the bang again and determined that it was an engine stalling outside you sighed, surprised at how affected you were by the knowledge that you were not going to see him. Deciding to give up, you got yourself ready for sleep smiling with the knowledge that surely he will be there waiting for you.
He wasn’t. Nor was he present in your life for a few weeks. The first week you went about your day expecting him to come out at any point. Constantly aware of your surroundings, looking over your shoulder expectedly, yet he never appeared. The more time passed the less conscious about his absence you became. Not fully out of your mind yet not anticipating his presence anymore you became less tense, less ready for a confrontation, your nerves were less on edge. The only thing that was a constant reminder of his absence was the lack of sleepless nights - now you were fully sleeping unguarded in your bed starfished as you’d wished from the first moment you moved into the apartment.
When the third week rolled in you had had enough of your freedom, the lack of pleasurable evenings was getting to you. Resorting to your own hands and fingers, you made yourself come. The frustration of never reaching the same peak as you did when he was fingering you, licking you, teasing you, fuelled your own disappointment. You tried imagining him on more than one occasion, edging yourself on, imagining his plush lips over your nipples, his teeth grazing your clit as you were pinching it - but nothing worked as good as the real thing.
During one of your late nights, your clothes strewn around your bed, legs splayed wide open, your fingers worked deep into your pussy, you couldn’t help yourself - imagining his tongue fucking you deep within, hitting patches inside that you could only dream of- you whimpered out his name.
Not expecting a response you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to immerse completely in the fantasy. When the creak of your bedroom door could be heard you didn’t react, so close to finding your own release that you were oblivious to anything else.
“Fuck Seokjin, yes, like that, deeper.” You moaned out loud your fingers pistoning within you furiously. Your free hand on your breast you pinched your nipple tightly, the slight pain radiating through your nerves making your hips buck off the bedsheets. “Ah.”
Completely unaware that the subject of your fantasies, the man who'd been haunting not only your apartment but also your dreams, was standing in the room with you. A dark hungry look crossed over his face; watching you make yourself come, fantasising as you whispered his name, he felt his own dick swell in his pants. With no inhibition he palmed himself through the material, undoing his trousers and pulling out his red angry cock pumping himself slowly. Spreading the fluids over the top of his dick, he smirked as you switched from pinching your nipples to pinching your own clit, all the while still working your fingers deep into your cunt. The lewd display in front of him tested his patience, but he wanted to let you come, he needed you to be sensitive before he could do anything. He needed to see you cum, unaware of his presence around you but his name rolling off that sweet tongue as you gushed around your own fingers.
“Seokjin, fuck I’m going to come.” You moaned, your fingers and hips moving erratically, losing all rhythm. Your back arching off the bed muscles trembling in orgasmic bliss, he could see the wetness coating your fingers and he licked his lips almost able to taste you. Suppressing a moan he pumped himself more furiously, pausing only when he felt himself too close to coming. He didn’t want to come like this, he needed to fill you up.
Leaving you to ride your high he let his dick go, slowly inching towards the bed, like a cat stalking its prey. His eyes glinted with the knowledge that your night was just about to begin.
“Ah, little lamb, I can see that you missed me.” He purred, now close to the edge of the bed by your head. Making sure that you were in the appropriate position for what he was about to do he slowly used his energy to shift your head towards him.
Your eyes flew open at the sound of the voice you’ve not heard in weeks, but only dreamt about. Not expecting the sight that greeted you, you sputtered. There he was in all his naked glory, his wide shoulders standing proudly, his narrow hips and happy train enticing you towards his hardened member. Licking your lips you opened your mouth to respond, your voice stuck in your throat, unsure of whether or not he was really there or if you had been imagining him.
The dim light from the candles on the bed stand was illuminating his lips and cheeks, casting shadows over his eyes and part of his naked body, outlining his hip dips and the hard muscles of his arms. Eyeing his member you couldn’t help but gasp, he was fully hard unashamedly palming himself, spreading his precum all over. Licking your lips you suppressed a moan at the thought of how it might taste on your tongue. Now aware of his presence, you gasped ready to cover yourself up ashamed that he probably caught you mid orgasm.
“Nuh uh.” He simply smirked anticipating your move. Once more you found yourself unable to move your hands, the well known tendrils of his energy holding you down as a rope would. Still splayed lewdly you couldn’t help but succumb to him as he used them to caress you. Your nerves still on fire after your orgasm, it didn’t take long until you were squirming in pleasure, your wet pussy once again clenching around nothing, anticipating what was to come. What you didn’t expect was the invasion of your mouth as he approached your head fully, his dick sliding in as you moaned out your pleasure. Choking for a second at the unexpected intrusion you closed your eyes.
“Open your eyes, pet, I want you to look at me as I use your mouth to pleasure myself.” He demanded and as tempting as it was to test him, missing the way his rough behaviour would spur your orgasm on, you decided that you didn’t want to test him. Not yet. Complying, you opened your eyes. The sight of him bent over you, knees on either side of you, and his lustful gaze was too much for you. Moaning with your mouth full of his dick, you tried to relax your throat as much as you could. Not waiting for you he pushed further in, until he was deep inside your throat, your gag reflex kicking in. Sputtering you almost begged him to take it easy, but as soon as he started pumping himself in your mouth, the wisps of energy engulfing you started to touch you in all the right places, pinching your nipples and caressing your clit, and you let yourself go.
Soon enough your throat became accustomed to the invasion and you found yourself whimpering in pleasure at the taste of him. Your nails dug into the bed when he picked up the pace, your saliva coating his length, droplets of your fluids combined, coating your face.
“Look at you pet, you’re taking me in so well. You look so lewd with your mouth full of my cock dribbling all over yourself like you’re starved for it.” Seokjin purred, his breath coming out in pants as he picked up speed. Your mouth wrapping around him, the feel of your tongue on the underside of his dick - he could feel himself on the verge of his orgasm. Slowing down for a second he took in your position, sprawled out, legs open, toes curled as his energy kept its pace on your clit. With your fingers gripping at the bed sheets, eyes watery from the intrusion and the need to come, he felt something shift in him. Lazily fucking your mouth his eyes glinted when he caught sight of the candles by the bed.
You saw his eyes darken, but you were not expecting the hot searing pain that sent your nerves into overdrive when he grabbed the candle lying on your bedside and dripped the wax all over your stomach. Whimpering in pain, your toes curling almost cramping, your hips arched off the bed at the sensation. Mouth still stuffed with his cock you let the tears gathered at the corner of your eyes slip down your cheeks. Once the wax cooled off the slight painful twangs from the inflamed skin added to the sensation as fingers wiped at your tears, his cold hands soothing your flushed cheeks.
“Shhhh.” He cooed, his hips slowing their movement, until he plopped out of your mouth with a wet sound. “You’re doing so well little lamb.” He praised and you felt the pride swell in your chest at his words.
“Seokjin.” With your mouth free of his cock you tried to ask where he’s been but he barely gave you a moment of rest as he climbed over you, hand still placed on your cheek. Ignoring you he settled over your splayed body, his eyes taking in the sight of your stomach clenching and unclenching, the hardened drops of wax cracking with the movement, the red skin underneath giving him a sense of pleasure knowing that he’s caused you pain. Moaning in satisfaction he bent over, his lips engulfing yours in a rough kiss, coaxing your mouth open.
It was the first time you were experiencing his lips on yours, and despite the roughness you revelled in the sensation of their plumpness and his care as he stroked your cheek.
“My pet, you’ve given me a wonderful show. Now it’s time to repay you.” He pulled away from your lips just an inch, the hand stroking your cheek caressing further down until it reached the swell of your breasts. A raspy moan made its way past your throat as he kneaded at the sensitive flesh, pinching your nipple. Switching breasts, he attacked your lips once more for a brief moment before he trailed a path towards the sensitive flesh of your neck. His palm stroked over your pert nipples, his tongue trailing patterns in the spot where your neck met your shoulders before nuzzling it gently. You felt yourself getting dizzy, not used to this gentle behaviour from him.
“Ah, Master. Right there.” When his fingernail scraped your nipple softly, your chest heaved, desperate to feel it again.
Jin pulled away from your neck, a look of satisfaction crossing over his face as he took in his own masterpiece. Your hair was fanned like a halo around you and he would have laughed at the irony. The look displayed on your face was anything but angelic, lips thoroughly kissed, red and shining with saliva; your neck already blossoming in tiny bruises from where his teeth nipped at it; your eyes half lidded lust shining in them; your chest heaving in pleasure as his hand pinched at your nipple, sprawled out for him wax covering your abdomen trailing down to your wet pussy – no you looked like the devil’s bait. And he was about to take the plunge, his hard cock already ready to impale you.
“Good pet, you’re learning your place.” He cooed, harshly pinching your already sensitive nipple making you writhe. Bending down he kissed the skin between your breasts, his free hand sliding in between your bodies to where it found your pussy. Running his fingers between your folds, he coated his hand in your wetness before he palmed himself once more, pumping thoroughly a few times.
“I don’t even need to get you ready for me.” He mumbled the slight annoyance in his voice not missed by your ears.
You couldn’t resist the urge to buck your hips into his, urging him to be rougher with you. “Take me as you please, Master. Please fuck me hard.”
He didn’t need your approval to be rougher, and for a second he paused, the anger building inside of him. With an animalistic growl he aligned himself with your entrance plunging himself into you without warning. “You–“ he snapped his hips into yours, the tip of his dick reaching deep inside of you making you gasp out a silent moan at the intrusion. “Don’t get to tell me what to do Y/N.” He grunted aggressively, his hips not stopping their movement.
The sudden feeling of his dick inside of you, finally filling you up as you’ve been dreaming about it when you masturbated, his growl in your ears as well as his hands now anchored around your neck, squeezing it enough to cut your air supply. It was all too much, squirming under him, hips rising to meet his thrusts, you were almost there. The knot in your stomach tightened and you can’t help but beg for more as he fucked into you harder and harder. Skin slapping so hard it stung, it felt good against your tired tight muscles. With his hand tightly wrapped around your throat, his other one digging his fingers in your hips, keeping you in place, he pumped you full of his cock.
Feeling your inner walls clamp on him tight, he knew you were about to cum, and he debated making you wait some more. But when you arched your back off the mattress as far as you could, head rolled backwards as he touched a spot inside of you that made you see stars, he growled and picked up the pace. He was close to coming.
He placed his weight on top of you as he changed positions, lips near your ear as he mercilessly pounded you in the mattress. You felt his fingers reach to touch your sweaty abdomen trailing down to your clit pressing hard on it as he whispered, “so Y/N, how does it feel like to come as the mercy of a ghost?” You let go, the pleasure overtaking you so hard and fast you didn’t know where it started and when it ended, your skin burnt with electricity and you felt it all the way to the back of your head, the white dots behind your eyelids and the stream of tears running down your face accompanied your chant of his name.
“Ah, Seokjin I— coming.”
Seeing your eyes roll to the back of your head, tears streaming down your face, feeling you grip him like a vice he let go as well, impaling you one more time keeping you on your high as he spilled himself inside of you. As he kept coming, seemingly forever, filling you up, he felt cold, and his words rang in your head loud and clear. Ghost.
The thought didn’t terrify you, instead it made you pull at his energy trying to free your arms. Taking advantage of his distracted state you managed to pull yourself free, your arms grabbing his shoulders, legs wrapping around him keeping him to you and inside of you.
“Don’t leave please.” You whispered in the darkness of the bedroom but it was too late. He pulled himself out of you, anger raging in his eyes.
“Don’t you get it! I can’t leave! No matter how much I wanted to!” Gone was the gentleness in his voice.
You ignored the hurt you felt at his words, you didn’t know what you’d hoped. He was a vengeful ghost. Waiting to wreak havoc on your family. And yet you stupidly assumed that maybe you could help him. Suddenly remembering the book you found in the old study your eyes lightened. Maybe you could help him.
Not giving yourself time to rest, your legs shaking like jello, you got off the bed ignoring the slight twinge of pain that ran up your back.
“Seokjin, I think I found what you need.” You whispered in the empty room hoping that the man in question hadn’t disappeared once again.
“I need a lot of things pet, and all of them are to do with you.” Seokjin reappeared next to you, making you jump. “Now that our game’s over I need to find new ways to make you suffer.” He started, but you could see it in his eyes, there was a certain softness to them that was missing before.
“What if I told you I know how you can redeem your freedom?” You whispered, gathering all your courage to approach him. The fact that he was a ghost still unnerved you to some extent but the bridge had been long passed. Now you needed to help him, it was your turn. “What if–“ less than a foot away you carefully gauged his reaction. “What if I told you I can help?” Reaching out to him you touched his cheek, expecting your hand to pass right through it, but when you felt the cold smooth skin underneath your palm, you smiled.
Seokjin’s expressionless reaction made you pause. Heart thundering in your chest, you held your breath waiting for his response. Hope bloomed in your chest when, with the slightest turn of his head, he leaned into your touch. Your free hand grabbed onto his and you gently pulled him along with you.
“Come on, let me show you something.”
=====
Showing him your discovery, you were unprepared for the fit he was about to have – the broken furniture lying all around you, his curses still rang in your ears. You didn’t cower away this time, this time you stood your ground, you waited for his rage to pass, knowing it wasn’t misplaced. He was more than entitled to it, but he also needed to let it go. And you were willing to sacrifice your own freedom to offer him his.
When his rage subsided, you could still hear your ears ringing. With your eyes on him, you bent down to pick up the book.
“I will marry you, Jin.” You stated, not bothering to beat around the bush. Approaching him you offered him the book and your hand, wincing when he reeled away from you.
“You will what?” Despite the energy he expanded during his outburst his voice was still loud and clear, too loud for the silence that reigned the apartment.
“I will marry you.” You repeated, this time your tone of voice matching his. “I will offer you my hand, as the eldest daughter. This ought to free you right?” You argued now, standing toe to toe with him. His eyes locked on yours and for a second, you saw the small spark of hope flash through them. Your whole body relaxed, knowing that what you were about to do was the right thing.
“There is no need to be angry anymore, you can be free of it. However to do that –” Once again you offered him the spellbook an uncertain look in your eyes.
“–I may need your help.”
=====
You didn’t know what would happen once you said your vows to him, your heart screaming at you to not do it. As he took a step towards you, his gentle smile making your heart soar, you closed your eyes, smiling, waiting for his embrace. When all you felt was the soft brush of his lips against your forehead, trailing kisses down towards your lips, stopping to kiss each eyelid softly before gently taking over your mouth, your breathing stopped. The gesture only lasted for a second, fleeting, but worth a thousand words.
“Thank you, Y/N.”
For the first time since you met him he sounded at peace and you hummed in appreciation. You were definitely not expecting those to be the last words you heard from him, nor were you expecting him to vanish into thin air after. But once you reopened your eyes, ready to witness the peace settle over his features and impart your joy with him - you found nothing but the sight of your mirror taunting you with a reflection of him and you in it. Yet, when you glanced at your side he was nowhere to be seen.
“Seokjin?” You whispered, your heart constricting in your chest. You were not prepared to let him go, though you’d suspected that fulfilling the promise demanded a sacrifice. Despite a tumultuous start between the two of you, you were unwilling for it to reach the same ending without even trying.
Glancing at his smiling face in the mirror, the anger lines completely replaced by laughter, his hand held yours tightly in the reflection. You felt tears gather in your eyes when you squeezed your hand and all you felt was emptiness. Suddenly an idea popped into your head, if you could still see his reflection, maybe he was not completely gone from your world? Maybe there was still a chance that you could bring him back, show him what a happy life was meant to look like?
Starting towards the grimoire that started everything, you paused in your step, unsure of yourself. What if he did not want to come back? What if after all this time of being around the living he got tired, and he actually wanted to pass over? What if you were not good at the spell? With all these thoughts running through your head, you didn’t even notice when you grabbed the book, resting it on one forearm ready to flick through it for a spell. Pushing your doubts aside, you concentrated on the task at hand.
You had no idea what you were looking for, but you hoped that something in its pages may catch your attention. But, when minutes passed and nothing screamed ‘bring the dead back from the dead’, you yelled out in frustration. Almost throwing the book away, knowing that the more you waited the smaller were your chances of success, you crumpled to the ground with the book falling beside you.
You were ready to give up when something on the cover caught your eye, the symbol on your necklace. The symbol of the pact your ancestors made with him, still present on it, albeit faded. Grinning to yourself, you opened the book to the place where you knew the binding spell to be. Maybe if you took back your vows.
Reading the spell out loud, your voice shaking with emotion you ended with breaking the vow of binding yourself to him. The sound of the blood rushing through your ears made you feel dizzy. You hadn’t realised that you were holding your breath until you felt the burn in your chest from the lack of air. For a moment everything went still, so still you could hear your heart thrumming in your chest. When after a while nothing happened and the room stayed as empty as before, no coldness enveloping you, you felt despair suffocating you.
“Come on! Please.” You let the hot tears trail down your cheeks as your hands clenched into fists. “I take it all back! I don’t want to bind myself to you! Now come back!”
Minutes passed – minutes that to you felt like decades. And it may have been, you didn’t know how long you stood there, shoulders shaking under the weight of your sobs. Your chest felt constricted and it hurt to breathe. Never in a million years would you have thought you’d cry for a ghost whose anger caused you to go through sleepless nights. Yet, here you were, legs cramping and knees aching from having sat on the hardwood floor in the room. All the while your fingernails dug into the grimoire, chanting your pleas to anyone and anything – praying that your spell had worked. That somehow he’d be brought back to you.
“For one to be able to leave the other must forfeit.” You mumbled before your voice picked up in volume. “I don’t forfeit do you hear me? Isn’t that how it goes?! For one to be able to leave the other…”
“… the other must forfeit.” Your eyes snapped open at the familiar drawl. Head now turned towards the mirror, you gasped at the familiar smirk of the man standing beside it.
ˢᵘᵐᵐᵃʳʸ : when did things begin to break? when did the world start to become numb, fading into a kaleidoscope of blue and grey? before they could realize it, their world had begun to fall apart and them with it. they do not want to let go, they want to hold on. but maybe that is the reason they have to let go. for they have become discarded and fleeting, like the falling leaves that appear at the end of spring.
ᵃ/ⁿ : this is a collab fic for the “Anti-Romance Club” which is hosted by @astramoonchild and @rockwithwoo. thank you for hosting this amazing collab! i’m glad i was able to participate and i really enjoyed making this fic! i hope everyone else enjoys it too lol
while this is another angst fic i have cooked up (what can i say, i’m the queen of angst for a reason eheh) but i think this takes a new look on relationships. sometimes you just fall out of love. it could be for no reason at all you just all of a sudden find yourself unable to love someone that meant the world to you. i feel that this is a realistic, almost painful realization, and something that not many people understand.
also yes, i know that this was SUPPOSED to be released on valentimes day...so happy late valentimes LMAO
The stupid fights, the naive apologies, the struggle to just remain together despite all of the other factors in their lives.
That’s the reason they’ve lasted this long though, isn’t it?
They love each other too much to let go.
Is that why her heart hurts so much?
However, she knows that this is the right decision, and once she tells him, he'll know it too. Maybe he already does. Maybe when he comes home today and sees her, he'll unearth the unlikely truth that has been kept hidden for so long. A truth they have been willing to ignore for the sake of a relationship that has been broken before they could even begin to fathom the reason why.
Even if they were hoping for a different ending, this was the ending that they received.
And that, at least, cannot be changed.
When the door opens, and he enters, she can feel her chest tighten. Her breathing grows shallow and labored, dread building up deep within her gut. Part of her just wants to ignore it, to go on as they have without even acknowledging the things that have changed.
But another part, a bigger part, tells her that she must do that. That if she doesn't then she'd be resigning herself to a place where she does not want to go.
Does that make it hurt any less?
No.
"You're late."
At the familiar sigh the statement receives, Seolhyun is reminded that this conversation has happened multiple times before. Her hands tighten on the warm coffee mug she holds in front of her.
"I know, I'm sorry Seol. I got tied up at work."
A familiar response, one as routine as their life has become.
"Do you know how important today is?"
Inwardly, she wonders if he has forgotten. Perhaps that would be easier, and the pain wouldn't be so ironic. Imagine, losing someone on the anniversary of the day you promised the other to stay by their side.
But he never forgets.
Nor did she expect him to.
"Yes."
In his voice, she can hear a hint of amusement, near laughter. She wants to turn around and see his face, see the sparkles in his eyes and the faint smile playing on his lips. But she knows that if she does, she wouldn't be able to utter the words she needs to say.
So she tightens her grip around the coffee mug and struggles to swallow the lump turning in her throat.
When the flowers appear from behind, and his hand rests on her opposite shoulder as he kisses her cheek devotedly, she can't help but let out a strangled breath. She can feel the smile beside her ear as he whispers tenderly into it, a soft and intimate feeling that years ago would have sent the butterflies in her stomach flying.
Now, it only reminds her of the emptiness, and the numbing feeling she has grown so acquainted with over the years.
"Happy Anniversary, blossom bee." At the strange but familiar nickname, she cannot help but smile. If only to remind her of the past, the way they used to be, and the happiness she felt every day.
Jin sets the flowers down on the table beside her when she does not accept them. He can tell something is wrong in the way she refuses to look at him, the way she holds herself so stiff and full of tension. He knows she is near tears, but he cannot fathom why.
Or perhaps, he already knows why.
Maybe that is the reason he doesn't ask her what is wrong. Maybe that is why he ignores the situation, praying that it goes away, praying that she has not made the decision hanging around their heads these past couple of months. Maybe, he doesn't want to let her go.
Not yet.
Not ever.
Instead, he leaves her side, refuses to acknowledge the fact that she needs comforting. He busies himself in the kitchen, washing forgotten plates and dishes. Finding himself in soap suds, memories near forgotten in the utensils gathered across the kitchen.
In the floor, they had walked on.
The sink where she had hugged him from behind.
The counter where they had flour fights.
The dishes where they would splash each other with the suds.
The places where he had kissed her, touched her, loved her.
Conversations they had, bouncing off the walls and reverberating in his ears.
A home they had built together.
Now on the verge of collapsing with the pressure that being together has bestowed on them.
"Do you love me?"
At the question, Jin freezes. He feels his chest tighten inexplicably, finding it hard to breathe. For some reason, even though he wants to lie, he knows he cannot. It's such a simple question, something that could have the potential to hold them together and fix the bond that has been shattered.
But the last thing he wants to do is lie to her.
The worst thing he could do is lie to her.
"I want to."
He can hear the sharp gasp of air as she realizes he did feel the same. That she didn't misread anything, that there really is no hope.
Perhaps he wishes he could take it back, but if he did then that would mean they would be broken before they've even been provided the chance to heal.
Then again, they're breaking anyway.
So what is the point of it all anymore?
"But you don't."
At Seolhyun's strangled voice, Jin tightens his hand on the edge of the sink, as though that were the only thing holding him together. Inside, he can feel pieces of himself tearing away, tiny fragments falling apart and becoming unable to be sewn back together.
Now is the time to take everything back. Now is the time to tell her the words she wants to hear, not the words she needs to hear. If he wants her to stay by his side, he needs to lie.
He doesn't want to lose her.
"No, I don't."
But he can't afford to deceive her.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
This hollow, numbing feeling, isn't how she was supposed to feel.
She wants to cry, she wants to fall apart and beg for any sign of redemption, a glimmer of hope. She wants to hold onto him, cling to him, and change his mind. Some part of her wishes she could force him to love her.
But then, she would be forced to love him as well.
Jin finally finds within him the courage to face her. He pulls back a chair, and holds her hands, caressing them with such care and devotion that begs her to wonder why she cannot find it within herself to love him anymore. Holding them to his lips, he kisses them forlornly, and this time, he allows his eyes to meet hers.
"I did love you Seolhyun, really, I did."
And within them, he finds a similar hopeless longing reflected.
"I know."
But it is not longing for the other.
"So did I."
Rather it is a longing for what they used to be. A past that both of them are able to remember, but neither is capable of continuing.
"What happened?" Jin asks, his voice breaking. "How did we get here?"
Where did things go wrong? When did they start to break?
Perhaps if he could find the answer to those questions, they would be able to restore everything they had lost.
But there is nothing to fix.
Nothing was broken, nothing needed to be repaired.
"I don't know."
Seolhyun wishes she could erase the pain she sees so clearly in his eyes, but she knows she is unable to. That would require a lie, a facade that she refuses to live in and is unwilling to subject him to any longer.
"You know, I used to dream about our future."
She smiles faintly, a smile that is so beautiful in its woe. A smile that tugs at Jin's heart and makes it bleed with sorrow. It is not so easily described, the pain of knowing you have everything you ever wanted right in front of you, and being unable to love it like you used to do.
"I used to think of this utopia where I was with you and we were happy. We had beautiful, loving children and it didn't matter where we were or how much money we had. All that mattered was we were together and I loved you, and you loved me." When she looks at him, she knows that he desired much of the same. She finds within him a likeness in their pain, so when her first tear drops, she does not regret it. Instead, her smile grows, and she clings to his hands like a lifeline pulling her back ashore. "I want that dream, Jin. I want it so bad it hurts."
Jin swallows hard, focusing on their entangled hands. Both searching for comfort, a light in the midst of the storm, but coming up empty and lost in the dark. He knows the reason for the despair she feels, and the hole that continues to grow in her heart.
"But that person I see next to me? That person is no longer you."
His love can no longer suffice to fill in that hole.
"The dream I had with you in it has become numb and gray."
Seolhyun is shaking by now, and she can no longer look him in the eye. She pulls her hands away from his touch and wraps them around herself for she can no longer find the warmth he used to offer her. She sobs as she holds her head in her hands, frantically trying to find anything that could suffice and help her to feel something, anything. But all she can feel is the cold, the dread at knowing that the person she loved the most has now become someone so detached from her heart that she cannot bear to even hold him for too long.
"I don't want to lose you. The thought of losing you tears me apart. But I don't want to stay only to grow to hate you." Her voice shakes almost as much as her heart, as she struggles to speak, her lips trembling and her tears turning her eyes into a sparkling dewy fountain of pain. "I would rather lose you now and gain you back later, than hold on now before losing you forever."
Unable to take it anymore, Jin stands and runs to her side. He knows he cannot ignore the situation, he is aware that no matter what he does, this is their fate, this is what they have decided. But that does not mean he cannot hold her when she cries. That does not mean he cannot try to ease the pain that she feels inside.
Their world is now shattered.
But does that mean they have to break as well?
"It hurts," Seolhyun whispers into his hold, burying her face into her chest and trying to ease the cold that grips her heart.
"I know." Jin nods, tightening his grip around her, and trying his best to repair the pieces they left on the ground.
"But what else can we do?"
The next day Jin will move out of their apartment.
They'll spend time away from each other until they can face the other without hurt and anger getting in the way.
Some days they may blame the other, and others they may long for the other's touch. They will feel an incredible hole in their heart, consuming them from the inside out.
When they pass each other on the street or see each other in friend gatherings, they will be courteous and civil. They won't speak of the past, they won't mention what happened between them, and they won't hate each other.
They never could hate each other.
But they will not talk to the other, they will not allow the chance to go back to something that was doomed to fail.
And soon, they will slowly, but surely begin to turn into strangers. People that they used to know. A story to tell to their future partners. A mere memory that will soon turn become a blank slate.
And though it may hurt, they will never regret the decision they made.
For they know it was the right one, and they know if they had gone on as they were they would have regretted their future more than the heartache they feel now.
And one truth will forever remain.
That the love that exists between them only remains inside their memories. And the one thing that was left behind was the numbing realization that that was all it was meant to be.
From the very first kiss.
To the last goodbye.
note : saying goodbye and letting go is a concept even if have a hard time understanding, and doing. i don't enjoy goodbyes nor am i ever willing to let go of something or someone i love, even if my feelings have changed. i think this is a reason why the concept of love is so scary to me, because once i have fallen, i would want to hold on forever even if i fall out of love with them. to me, making the choice to let go and say goodbye, deciding to become strangers because it would hurt to be anything else is one of the hardest decisions you could make.
Warnings: Complete Soft, but also kinda angry, No cursing
Word Count: 2.5k
A/N: This was meant to be a oneshot, so above 5k words. However I just felt like this was super easy to put in under 3k. The average 18-21 year old will still take about 10 minutes to read this so I think it’s fine.
-❀-
Honestly, sometimes you hated Jin.
He wasn't like your other friends. Sure, the others could be annoying but they were never straight up standoffish to you. You almost dreaded seeing him. The cold glance that he only saved for you, his other friends receiving his bright, warm smile. But of course, whenever you saw his face you forgot your frustration and your mind skipped up to cloud nine.
It was as if it was impossible for you to be unhappy when he was around. Like he was a placebo. Which was unfortunate because he wasn't nice to you.
“Y/n! You're finally here!”
You smiled at the deep voice, running up to tightly hug your best friend. “Taehyung! How long has it been?”
“A week!” He responded happily, no sense of irony in his voice.
Wrapped warmly in his arms, the two of you entered the building, laughing and making fun of each other as you enjoyed the warmth of your hug.
Hoseok burst out into laughter the second he saw you. A fun loving guy at heart, he understood when he was allowed to laugh and when he wasn't. And he knew now was a time when he could. He was always ready to poke fun at the way the two of you didn’t hesitate to tease each other, yet acted like the time you spent apart was unbearable.
“Y/n! Taehyung! You only saw each other last week and yet you make it look like it's been months!”
“It felt like longer.” Taehyung shot back, a grin clear in his boxy smile and scrunched eyes.
“Sheesh you could get out of the doorway.”
You jumped, instantly recognising the normally light voice, now a pitch lower. You spun, surprised, in Taehyung’s arms to see Seokjin, his eyebrows slanted, lips in a frown. His eyes bore into you. Cold shivers ran down your arms as it felt as though he saw straight through you.
“Can you even hear? Get out of the way.”
You rolled your eyes at him, not ready to just let him be so rude to you, even though your instinct was to step aside wordlessly. “You could at least ask nicely.”
“I shouldn’t have to.”
When he saw the burning fire of stubbornness in your eyes, signalling you weren’t going to move, he sighed, frustrated and pushed his way past.
You turned to Taehyung, who was blinking slowly, slightly confused. You gave him a reassuring smile and he shrugged his suspicions off, grinning and dragging you into the apartment.
You were met with a quick hug from each of the boys, except for Jin of course, who stood a few metres away and didn’t even acknowledge you past a cold glance.
You sat down in between Jungkook and Taehyung, who hadn’t let go of your hand yet, playing with your fingers as if he were a baby. It was a cute habit of his though, so you didn’t mind.
Jin however, unnoticed by you was glaring, alternating between glaring at Taehyung and you.
Yoongi however, noticed almost instantly that something had changed about his only hyung in your friend group. He nudged Seokjin, who turned to him.
Opting to make sure his friend wouldn’t be embarrassed, Yoongi spoke in a hushed whisper. “Jin why are you being so weird?”
Jin shrugged. “I’m not?”
“You’re glaring at Y/n. And Taehyung.”
Jin once again shrugged this off. “Maybe my eyes got a tick. I’m not glaring.”
Yoongi sighed and rolled his eyes. He hadn’t expected the prideful Jin to actually admit to him what was wrong, so he would just have to settle for surveying his friend.
“I hate doing school work though.” Jungkook whined. He had only started his University course a few days ago but to anyone without prior knowledge he seemed like a veteran. Always complaining.
“Doesn’t matter, kook. You gotta do it anyway.” Taehyung stated, pulling his glasses up his nose in a mature fashion that left the rest of you giggling.
“Taehyung you’ve only been doing University for a couple of months.” You commented. Taehyung frowned and pinched the side of your cheek.
“Shh. Tae is tryna sound smart.”
The boys burst into laughter, you rolled your eyes at his typical behaviour. But the normal ear pleasing sound of Jin’s laugh was missing. You turned to him and he looked away.
Seriously? What was wrong with Jin lately? He wasn’t this bad before… sure he’s always been a little cold but he was never straight up rude before now!
“Y/n you’re no better anyway really. How old are you now?”
You shuffled at Hoseok’s question. You had really begun to feel old lately, realising just how much younger your friends were.
“I’m 26…”
Jimin grinned. “You’re only just younger than Jin and Yoongi. I can't say you’ve got too much to brag about.”
You shrugged. “I’ve got a college degree under my belt. That’s more than I can say for dear Yoongi.”
Yoongi laughed, not taking any offence from your teasing. “I’m a musician, Y/n. What use would a degree be?”
You didn’t respond, knowing Yoongi was correct and instead raised your glass of beer at him, smirking. The others did the same, Jin reluctantly raising his last.
“To me.” Yoongi tried. The others snorted at his attempt for the spotlight to stay solely on him.
“To free will.” You decided. You heard Seokjin snort softly and, grin slightly forced, chose to ignore him.
-❀-
“It’s getting late.” Hoseok stated.
You turned your phone on. The bright light instantly lit up the dim room and the others turned towards you, mumbling about shutting the light off. They saw your lock screen was a photo of you and Taehyung, fingers in a peace sign, sipping from the same boba tea cup.
Taehyung giggled. The others didn’t question it as they already know Taehyung was your best friend. But Seokjin had joined your friend group last. He didn’t know that initially it had just been you two, then Jimin, then Yoongi and Hoseok, Namjoon and Jungkook and Finally Seokjin. Seokjin frowned.
He was about to ask if you two were dating, but was interrupted. “Baby do you wanna go home now? It’s now 11 pm..”
You nodded. “I’m not tired, but Yoongi looks tired.”
Yoongi snorted. “Of course. I’m always tired.”
Hoseok was leaning his head on the table, and turned sideways to face the older male.
“You don’t look tired when you’re playing the piano.” He slurred the last word and you could tell he was drunk. “You look really happy. At peace… like you’re in heaven.”
Yoongi’s face flushed red and for once the quick witted man was left speechless.
The others laughed, even Jin who still didn’t look pleased couldn't help but chuckle.
“So I guess Yoongi will have to drop Hoseok off tonight. He can’t drive like this.”
“He can sleep here.” Yoongi suggested. Hoseok mumbled something about how soft Yoongi’s ‘fur’ was, which you assumed meant that his hair. Yoongi nodded slowly and patted the younger's head.
Jungkook rolled a beer back and forth on the table. “I’ll drive. I didn’t have that much. I’ll take Jimin home with me. Jin is your car here?”
He nodded.
Suddenly Taehyung’s phone rang and he picked it up, running from the room.
He came back a minute late and kissed your cheek. “Cmon baby lets go. I needa do some stuff when I get home.”
“If it’s urgent I can just stay at your place.” You offered. He nodded and began leaving the room, you following behind him, saying goodbyes to each of the boys, except Jin.
You began down the stairs, Taehyung already in his car, once again on his phone.
The second you heard the door click closed, it was thrown open again. You spun and your arm was caught in a strong grip.
Seokjin.
He was looking at you, a blank look on his face.
“Y/n why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Do you hate me? Did I do something wrong?”
You tried to step back, but Jin’s strong grip stopped you. “Me?”
“Yes obviously you!” Jin snapped.
“You hate me for goodness sake!”
“No I don’t! It’s because you’re so cold!”
You frowned, crossing your arms. “I’m not cold to you at all! You’re always ignoring me and you don’t even say hi anymore!”
“Why does saying hi matter anymore?”
Your eyebrows shot up, confused. “The others say it… It’s not that hard Jin.”
“Why would you need me to say hi? You have Taehyung!”
“Taehyung? Why is that even relevant!”
“He calls you baby for god’s sake!”
Finally, you wrenched your cold arm from Jin’s grip. His eyebrows were still slanted down in anger, eyes on fire.
“Why do you even care?!” You snapped.
“Because I love you!”
Time slowed down, the light snow around you falling still. After a few seconds you got over the shock and your face went red.
“L-love?”
He finally realised what he said and covered his face with both hands. “N-no! I didn’t mean that…”
You raised an eyebrow, the effort to look sassy slightly tainted by your red face. Still, since he was covering half his face in embarrassment, he wouldn't notice. “So you don’t love me? Pity..”
“Wh-what? No.. I do love you.” He sighed, rage flowing out from the relief of his confession. It had been weighing on his mind for weeks, maybe months now. “But I didn’t mean to tell you like this.”
You rushed forward, burying your head into his shirt, taking in his scent. You had always loved the way he smelt, but it felt like so long since you had been anywhere near this close to him. You sniffed into his shirt, trying to suppress the urge to cry.
All this time you had been worrying that Jin actually hated you. That he didn’t like you at all.
But it was the opposite.
You frowned. “Jin?”
“Y-yeah?” His face was completely red, his arms hovering behind you awkwardly, as if he didn’t know where to put them. A gentleman at heart of course, even if sometimes he seemed too cocky for his own good.
“Why were you mean to me?”
He looked away, flushed. “W-well, Yoongi began realising I liked you and I thought he would tell everyone… and then I thought you were dating Taehyung.”
“Dating Taehyung?” You asked, surprised by this news.”
He nodded.
“Jin…”
He met your pure eyes, devoid of malice or unkindness.
“Taehyung's my best friend.”
Before he could respond, you were interrupted.
“Speaking of best friend Taehyung, he needs to be going.”
You both turned to see Taehyung standing at the bottom of the steps, car keys and phone in hand. Jin went red and slightly pushed you away from him. He looked away, fingers twiddling the others.
“Jin hyung can you drop your girlfriend off at her house? I’m running really late for something important.”
Jin went a deeper shade of crimson then he had been. “G-girlfriend..?”
You rolled your eyes at the stuttering man. “Yeah my boyfriend can. See you later Taehyung. I’ll text you when I’m home.”
Tae waved his goodbye, then got in his car and drove off.
“So you’re my girlfriend, huh?”
Without someone else there and the faded initial shock of his successful confession, Jin had gone back to his self confident self.
Which was okay. You loved that side of him as well.
“Well.. yeah. Unless you don’t want to date me?”
Jin smirked. “Of course I want to date you. I wouldn’t have confessed if I didn’t.”
You giggled. “Your confession was unintentional.”
“Nothing is unintentional.” Jin said.
You laughed. “Well I’m glad you did confess.”
He smiled, bringing his hand under your chin, and the other to your waist, gripping you against his stiff, lean body. You caught your breath, lost in the deep, endless void of his eyes. It began to seem like you couldn’t pull away, like this was all you wanted. Your happy ending. The thing you had been dreaming of, even if you would never admit it.
“I’m glad too.”
His lips met yours in the middle, both of your urges surpassing their limits. Your hands grabbed at his arms, keeping his hands on your face as he cupped your warm face with strength.
Being so close to him felt like heaven. Relief washed through your mind. You had been worrying that Jin hated you, that he would never return your feelings. But you were wrong. He had liked you. The perfect guy, liked you.
Your eyes fluttered open. His eyes were still closed, his lips pressing harder by the second on yours. You could see slight pores on his skin. You smiled into the kiss.
Maybe not perfect. But his tiny flaws made him more realistic, made it easier for you to believe someone as beautiful as him had fallen in love with you.
Of course, you weren’t the only one whose mind was racing. Jin’s mind was racing at almost the same speed as his heart. He was ecstatic that you had responded to his kiss.
No, you hadn't just responded. You had tried to kiss him at the same time too.
His mind slowly faded from euphoria to worry. Did he look weird? Was he kissing right? It had been too long since he had kissed...
Jin tried not to pull away when he realised he probably still tasted like the beer he had had over an hour ago.
You pulled back first. Soft breaths fell from both of your mouths, unsure of what to say.
“I’m sorry did I do something wrong or-”
Jin was forced to stop speaking when your lips crashed back onto his. He blinked for a few seconds before you stepped back.
“Jin, that was amazing.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Y-you’re not just lying to make me feel better?”
“Jin, that was the best kiss I’ve ever had. Not just because you’re amazing at kissing but because it just felt right.”
He grinned, hands snaking back to grip your waist again. You let him pull your body to his.
“That sounds cringy sweetheart.”
You smiled. “Sweetheart? What should I call you?”
“How about ‘handsome’?” Jin tried, ego forever ready to be boosted.
You shook your head. “As handsome as you are, I’d prefer to call you something that won't make me want to look at you.”
He nodded slowly.
“How about baby?”
His face flushed instantly. “I-I’m older than you. And I’ve heard you call Taehyung that too… I want the name to be just for me.”
“I could stop calling him baby.” When Jin didn't respond, you tried again. “Honey?”
“Reminds me of food.”
“What about babe?”
He looked down at you, your eyes widened in feigned curiosity. He realised you were pulling his leg; leading him on.
“Call me baby.”
He leant down, face hovering just above yours so you could see straight into his bright eyes that seemed to control you.
Fluff 20. You’re the only one I wanna wake up next to.
Fluff 23. You are my one and only true love.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the gif above. It belongs to @softjeon, as seen in the credit.
So sorry this took me so long to write! I also decided to combine all of these requests, because they were all similar and fit almost perfectly together. Hope you like 💜
Age Recommendation: 16+
Warnings: Swears, angsty angst, feels, etc. etc.
Word Count: 916
It's like a test, it's like a game
To see how much I can take
I'm curious to live and learn
So light me up and let me burn
…
Break my heart
“Break My Heart” by Hey Violet
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Make This Work (Jin Drabble, Angst, Fluff)
You made the decision two weeks ago, told him nine days ago, and moved back home a week ago. It was messy, completely unorganized, and sudden… but it had to be done. Your family needed you. More specifically, your mother needed you. Her health had taken a turn for the worst, and without anyone but good neighbors close by, you were needed by her side.
Jin, your boyfriend who also happened to be one of the world’s most popular idols, had not taken it well. “You have to… I’m sorry, what?”
“I have to go back home.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
Jin bit his lip to keep his emotions in check, worrying the skin with his teeth until it flushed red. “And when do you leave?”
You sighed. “Two days from now.”
His large brown eyes grew wide. “Are you… are you serious?”
Afraid your voice would crack, you simply nodded.
There wasn’t time to do a proper good-bye. There were no parties thrown to say bye to your friends, no one to help you pack, and no teary farewells at the train station or anything like that. After you told Jin, he had abruptly left the city for either another photo shoot or music video shooting (you weren’t sure which), and aside from a few too-lighthearted texts, you hadn’t heard from him.
You could only feel emptiness as you locked your apartment door for the last time. It was as if your body was trying so hard not to feel pain, it shut down all your nerve endings the way someone shut the power down on a raging party. One day, you were full of laughter and hope. The next, you were scared and had no idea what your future looked like.
You knew you were doing the right thing, but that knowledge did nothing to quell your longing for your old life. You missed your apartment and your friends, but most of all, you missed him. If only you were able to express that before you left. Maybe he would have–
Would have what? Made a huge scene breaking up with you? Begged you to stay with tears streaming down his face? Told you he would come with you? Yeah, right. Jin was an idol living his ultimate dream. He would never give that up for something as insignificant as you. It was better this way. A clean break. When he returned home, all he would find left of you was an empty apartment and maybe a lingering trace of your scent. Probably not even that.
You were out in your yard, hugging yourself as you watched the sun set over the fields, when you heard a sound from behind you. You turned and took a stumbling step backwards, sharply inhaling at the sight before you.
He stood there, a small smile spreading over his lips, hands in his oversized hoodie pockets. “Hey.”
“Jin!” you gasped, still trying to catch your breath. “What the fuck– I mean, what are you doing here?”
He chuckled at your colorful outburst. “What do you think? I’m here to see my girlfriend.”
You didn’t think your eyes could grow any wider, but somehow, they did. “Girlfriend? What? I thought we were–”
“You’re wrong.”
You almost scowled when he interrupted you. He knew how much you hated that, but you were still too in awe over his presence to say anything. “W-What?” you stuttered.
He took a step towards you, closing the last bit of distance between you two. “I said, you’re wrong. We’re not broken up. We’re not separated.”
You almost didn’t dare to breath. “Then what are we?” you asked, your voice nearly a whisper.
Jin reached up and slid his hand from the small of your back upwards until it was tangled in your hair, the way he had done a thousand times before. “We’re us.”
He kissed you then, leaning down to accommodate your short height, brushing his lips against yours the way a fresh breeze brushed through a field of flowers. You took only a second to be surprised before you raised yourself to your tiptoes and threw your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.
He groaned a little and took his lips from yours for only a millisecond before tilting his head the other way and kissing you once more, nearly smothering you from the force of it all.
It was easy to fall back into him. You had every inch of his skin, every one of his likes and dislikes, every pitch of his melodic voice, completely memorized. His essence was permanently tattooed on your heart. How did you ever think you could live without him?
Once you broke apart, Jin looked in your eyes, pressing his forehead to yours. “I know things will be harder from here on out just because we won’t always be near each other… but I’ll come out here as often as I can.”
“So you think we can make this work?”
“Of course. After all, you are the only one I want to wake up next to. You are my one and only true love. I can’t live without you, Y/n. I don’t care what it takes. We will make this work.”
I smiled at the determination making his voice deepen. “I know. I’m sorry I left.”
Jin shook his head, causing his forehead to rub against yours and making you giggle. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I love you.”
AN: Here’s something i have been working on when i was on vacation, i just got the fake texts to work (since i could only do it in my country). I didn’t get THAT far, but a decent amount. Hope you like it! There will probably be some link errors and late update, but i’m trying to do my best!
JinxReader | Angst-Romance | Fake texts+Scenario | Neighbour AU
Even though your brother tends to break things, when he accidentally dropped it from second floor and possibly worse, dropped it under a moving car. That’s how it always was, that you were there to rescue him from doing simple every day “chores”. But for once, you didn’t mind to do one of them. For the first time in years, you were able to text your neighbour that were known as the most popular guy in your school, but your brother’s best friend. It was a chance, that made your brain and heart change, which you didn’t mind at all. His broad shoulders visible from your bedroom view of his porch and his smile towards your brother, but his eyes finding a glimpse of your soul, looking right into them. Your heart pounding, not understanding the feelings that erupted in just a second, but it was a drug you couldn’t keep yourself from. Ever since that day, you wished for another glimpse of his beautiful eyes, to spark the fireworks in your heart.
