In the closing weeks of my Bible study on the gospel of John, we talked a little bit about the following passage:
[17b] Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. [18] Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go." [19] (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, "Follow me."
[20] Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?" [21] When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" [22] Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!" [23] So the saying spread abroad among the brothers that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?”
This really makes me pause and think about how much I say to myself, “But what about them?”
As a young adult who hasn’t yet started college, I see my peers graduating and getting started on their careers. As a single woman, I see other women my age getting married or maintaining stable relationships—and some are even having kids. As someone who is fighting mental illness, I see all these mentally healthy people going about their lives and generally being balanced. I could go on, but the point remains that I have everybody around me to compare my measly progress to, and everything in me wants to say, “But what about them?”
What that intimate exchange between Jesus and His disciples says to me seems straightforward: stop looking at everybody else and look at Jesus instead, follow Jesus instead. So what if people are graduating and moving onto their careers? I’m not working in my desired field yet, but my job is almost always good and a blessing. So what if other people are getting married and having kids? If that’s the path that God has ordained for me, then it will happen in its time; if not, then God will fill my life with an abundance of people who love me.
I get hung up on the mental illness thing. Part of me wants to say, “So what?” but I find it nearly impossible not to question God on that. I metaphorically wrestle with Him about it frequently. I lay awake in bed and ask, “Why?” I let my mind wander in church and ask, “Why?” I stare out the window on the bus and ask, “Why?” Despite all this, the answer remains, “For My glory.” In response, I continually ask, “How?” I only received an answer as I started typing that out: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” That’s not to say that it would be inappropriate for me to ask for help from somewhere else; there is someone out there whose purpose is to help people like me, and I pray that I will meet them soon.
But in the meantime, I will say “So what?” and make every attempt to count my blessings. It won’t be easy, but, God willing, it will be done.