#john praphit

[praphit]

Black Widow: It should have been Hawkeye

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been a long road to get here. 

"Black Widow" starts after "Civil War", which was about five years ago, but even before that... like WAY before -

The People: 

"Everybody else has their own movie! Where's Black Widow's?! "Iron-Man" of course, "Thor" a god who comes to earth? - yeah, been done (by every religion!), The Hulk got movies and they sucked! Hawkeye? - who gives a shit?? but the one WOMAN in the group can't get a movie! Bleep you, Marvel!" (the people had a lot to say).

Marvel: "What?! We're not sexist! I mean.... maybe this guy is 

(google it), but not us! And don't say Iron-Man 2. There's nothing wrong with that outfit.

C'mon!

I know it was a lil tight around biscuits, but that's the only size we had! We told her that she could unzip as much as she wanted to give her some heavy breathing space. What do you people want from us??!"

The People: "A Black Widow Movie!"

So, after all of the men got their movies, and Scarjo's character died, they started working on BW's film :)

Then, COVID happened, and now FINALLY, for the low price of 30 bucks, you can watch it on Disney plus.

In case you forgot about "Civil War", Tony Stark was being a butthead, and allowed his team/family to be locked up. They hadn't caught Black Widow yet, so this old lead agent... guy (what's his face.... 

Ha! I just looked up his name... "Thunderbolt Ross". Thunderbolt?! Ha! aaaaah, his mustache is more worthy of that nickname than he is...) said "Where's the sexy one of the group? - she should be easy to catch."

His subordinates: "Capt?? We still don't know, sir. But, I doubt he'll be EASY to catch."

Thunderbolt (Ha! aaah): "No, fool! The woman! - who's uniform doesn't fit!"

Tony Stark: "Black Widow? - she went that way."

They tracked her down to some bathroom, and that's where our story starts - with Scarjo on the toilet. I'm joking, but how great would that be??:) I imagine that this wouldn't even be allowed. You know how certain action heroes have it in their contracts that they're not allowed to lose a fight in their films?? - I bet Scarjo has it in her contract that she's not allowed to be put in unattractive situations. Case in point, there are a couple of times in this movie where BW's nose is bleeding from fighting - still looking good though (somehow). Think about being on a date and your guy/gal’s nose starts bleeding... yeah, not attractive.

Of course they can't catch BW, cuz she's a freaking Avenger! She escapes and ends up down memory lane, where she reunites with her other "family".

David Harbour (who's great in this), as The Red Guardian. 

Pretty much a pudgy, Russian version of Captain America. That, my friends, is the beard and gut of Russia.

Rachel Weisz, 

the super smart mama, who forcefully teaches pigs to act like dogs and humans (you'll see).

And Florence Pugh - (Yelena), 

who's just as bad ass as her sister BW. She's got a bit of a death wish though.

As far as villains - there's this RPOS (real piece of shit) named Dreykov, whom I'll get to in a sec. And Taskmaster, 

who's kinda like if Skeletor and Snake Eyes had a baby, and that baby grew up to obsess over the Avengers' fighting styles (TaskyMasky has the special ability to mimic anyone's fighting moves).

"TaskyMasky"? Nickname? No? We'll move on.

Add prison breaks, explosions, car crashes, lots of jumping out of windows, and women with knives moving very fast, and you've got one of the most badass movies of the year!

Back to Dreykov (RPOS)- he's been picking up young girls around the world and forcing them to go through his “training program” to be his mindless assassins (and God knows what else). He has their minds controlled by some sort of serum.

There's a solid amount of dark content to chew on here, but they're able to do so with levity. Here's a note for DC's movie universe:

This film deals with the horror of what I just described, abandonment, lots of family issues, guilt (cuz BW has done some things and some stuff), fighting for control over your life, and yet... I never feel the need for an antidepressant).

If this were DC, we'd soak in these issues. Batman has been unloading the death of his parents on us for decades. When you gonna come out of the shadows and dance again, Batman?!

"BW" is able to make you feel how serious these problems are, but also able to keep the escapism train moving.

The action in this movie is on point! I have to say that it's way better than "F9" (which I recently saw). The fighting is slick and even the car chases/crashes are better than "F9"

TaskyMasky (you're right, it sucks), is scary. TM reminded me of Michael Myers a bit. You're alone watching movies and eating ice cream when all of a sudden there's this demon staring at you.

I don't want to keep comparing it to "F9", but BW and Yelena must have went to the same action hero school that Vin Diesel went to. They're both on that diet that makes their bones rubber, and their skin fireproof. And what's the deal with Black Widow always jumping down from crazy high heights, with no plan on how she's eventually going to land? Maybe SHE’S the one with the death wish... and that wish was eventually granted

 (not too soon still, right? - Smh. They even made her death posh).

The Matrix -like acrobatics and unbreakable bones stuff didn't bother me, but the ending did a lil bit. The ending gets silly and sloppy. I give BW Batman-type passes, because again, she's a freaking Avenger! But, c'mon, writers... There's a point when everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is blowing up AND falling to the ground from way up in the air. None of the characters know how this will all land, and that's how the ending feels as well. It's like they sobered up, and said to themselves "Crap, we still need an ending. Bleep it, we'll just write some random stuff and have Scarjo do some heroic poses... it'll be fine."

And her poses are great, 

but... no, it will not be "fine".

There's something that happens with the RPOS that made me literally LOL. BW also engages in a lot of stupidity towards the very end. Plus, Marvel has been developing a habit of brushing horribly acts done by their "heroes" under the rug. BUT, despite all of this, I'd still say this is one of my top ten... not just Marvel movies, but action movies in general. I'll grade it some what by wild action movie standards.

Good stuff!

Grade: B+  Makes me sad once again that BW is no longer with us. We can all admit it.  We're all thinking the same thing - it should have been Hawkeye.

I didn't mention my main man Olatunde Olateju Olaolorun Fagbenle! His friends call him O.T.

He plays some dude named Rick. Rick finds himself in BW's friend zone. This film taps at a bunch of emotional notes, but none so sad as the delusional note that Rick believes he's actually gonna get any from BW. He's trying though. He hooks her up with fake I.D.'s, transport (a frickin Jet), cool weapons, pertinent info, a place to stay, and all FOR FREE! I'm sure he's saying to himself "Sure, I'm going broke and the FBI are now after me for helping her, but (as he looks at that bod, now covered up in clothes that fit her properly) it'll all be worth it.

She knows damn well what she's doing! Out of all of the sins from her past as an assassin (and there are A LOT of them... my God) this might be the coldest one. Forget booty action, not a peck on the cheek, not a hug, not even a hand shake! I'm trying to think if she even ever said "thank you". She did kick him once while he was sound asleep, to wake him up. Maybe that's all he needs to keep fueling his delusion.

I hope that he eventually sent her a bill for services. He's the true tragedy of this story.

[praphiteyes]

Black Lives Matter #1 (Jesus’ Skin Color)

Does the race of Jesus matter? This is a question that many have gotten into before, and are left with a variety of answers. What do you think? I always jokingly end the conversation with "Go to a church with a bunch of paintings of white Jesus, and replace them with black Jesus, and you'll have your answer." But, let's think this through.

Two things:

1) How do Christians view Christ vs how they should?

2) How do non-Christians view Christ?

First, we'll talk about the Christians:

Jesus was (and IS) God, but He is also MAN. In most cases, how we view Christ as a man shapes how we view Him has God; it shouldn't, but it does. We all have to manage the stereotypes that we hold in our heads about certain people groups. It is very possible to project those stereotypes onto Jesus (The Son of GOD). White people can certainly relate more to a white Jesus than a black Jesus (or any other race for that matter). There are even black people who subconsciously look for a "white savior", and Jesus (white Jesus), can be that for them. This is only scratching the surface when talking about this issue, and how various people groups react to seeing the race of Jesus. Not to mention how kids start to form their opinions about Jesus, religion, the world, and different communities, as they consistently see Jesus in a certain way.

All the while there is this scripture Exodus 20: 4-6, the second commandment.

Now, as an artist, I view painting a picture of Jesus as merely art and not a breaking of the commandment, but it becomes a problem when we add paintings as such to our times of worship. Especially, these days, when we're in the midst of social evolution on these types of matters.

So, to recap:

We SHOULD view God as God, as light, and not box Him in by a human shell. There is actually scripture on that as well in 2 Cor. (find scripture).

We are still very much impacted by Jesus' portrayal in art, including impacted by His portrayed race.

(Not to mention that we KNOW Jesus was Jewish, hung out in the Middle East, and often walked from place to place in an abundance of sunlight.)

Next, we have to talk about how non-Christians view Christ. For the sake of this post, I've narrowed views down to these (as a teacher, as a character, as a fairy tale):

#1 - Teacher

At the very least, one (who does not believe that Jesus is God) should acknowledge that the Bible has some wisdom in it; this includes the words of Jesus Christ. But, the teachers of whom we allow to shape our lives hold more power for us when we can relate to them, and us relating to them starts with whether or not we look alike. I am not saying that this is the way it should be, but this is the way that it often is when deciding how much weight to give a person's ideas or knowledge. We won't accept knowledge from someone of whom we do not respect. Ex. If someone who is white is trying to pass out wisdom to a black person, even if that black person respects that white person for other reasons, they still have in the back of their mind, "Yeah, but this person is white.". Or if a man tries to give advice to a woman, even if that woman respects that man, and is receiving the advice from him (in part), there's still a "Yeah, but he's a man." in the back of her head. It's the "Yeah, but..." that COULD end up being a problem, in a variety of ways.

#2 - Character

There are certain people in human history who are real, but I don't have enough information about them to make them real to me. Like George Washington, I know he existed, but he's just a character to me. I'm not moved by the thought of him one way or the other (in general). Now, if you were to mention MLK Jr, I would feel a certain way immediately, due to his race, and what he has done for people who look like me. It doesn't even have to be someone who is no longer with us. Kanye West, is quite a character. I have little in common with Kanye (that I know of, because I do not know him). He's a musician, as am I. And he is black, as am I. Not much more than that can we connect on, other than the fact that I like his music. If he were to speak on his financial situation, I would not be able to relate. But, if he were to speak on an issue of race, it's a different story. Jesus is the same here. For some, they know he was an actual person, but there would have to be a specific convo on a topic of which that person can relate, for Jesus' race to matter to them.

#3 - Fairy Tale

Here it doesn't really matter what Jesus' race is, because any angst or complaints to a fictional character always fall on the one who created the character, and in this case, for that person, it would be the church. Though racial issues can definitely projected onto the Church as a result.

So, where does this leave us?

If they were to make Batman black, people would lose their minds. If they were to make Wonder Woman black, people would lose their minds. There are even black people who would lose their minds over such a thing, because it's different. We are naturally against change. We are used to our heroes being as they are, completely pure in the notion of how we see them. We are naturally frightened when our beliefs are threatened.

There is a deeper problems within religion of our beliefs never being challenged; of our methodology never being questioned. We take all such challenges as an attack on the religion/the God in which we believe, but what if it's simply a opposition towards us, not our gods?? Sometimes, we need to be challenged in order to sharpen our beliefs. People in power (mostly white people, and mostly men) use their power to suppress these challenges. They feel the same way that others feel when threatened, only they have the means to do something about it. Their power gives them a sense of entitlement; a sense of purpose to keep their joint ideals "sacred".

Does Jesus' race matter? I believe that it does, but it's debatable.

What's not debatable, is that at the top of the power structures of Christianity, there are white people, who have the power and sense of entitlement to keep THEIR Jesus white. In doing so, they protect their "culture". In doing so, they feel safe. In doing so, they remain in control, while minorities either have to accept the fact that they're on the outside (in delusional joy or in disdain - because deep down we know what time it is) or continue to challenge the notion of a Jesus who only fits one type of person, and be seen as a rebel.

Ironically and thankfully, Jesus, no matter what race that we may see Him as, is always read in the gospels as a rebel.

[praphit]

A message from Reverend Candyman

Before I even entered the theater, I was mad. I was mad due to certain people on social media stating that this film is "too woke", "super-woke", "BLM propaganda", etc, etc.

I'm not saying that they're right or wrong, at this point, but how did those people not know what they were getting into? Did they not watch any "Candyman" films before this? Do they not know of Jordan Peele's previous film productions? Have they never seen any of Key & Peele? It's mostly race stuff!

Some of them were probably only hate-watching. There a re a handful of pundits I like to hate-watch. Sometimes, getting heated by their takes fuels my work days. But, I know what I’m doing to myself... *smh* but these people.

I didn't stay mad for long though, because Nia DaCosta, the director of "Candyman", is on point! This whole movie, strictly from a cinematic view, is very cool. How bout that?? "The Rambling Praphit says Candyman is VERY COOL." :) She'll be working on the next Capt Marvel movie. 

Most people did not like that movie (I'm excluded from that crowd). Marvel is so scared of the public's dislike of that movie, that they're not even calling it "Capt Marvel 2". It's just called "The Marvels"; leaving the first movie's "captain" as far away from the title as they could. I bring this up, cuz after watching "Candyman", I have high hopes for "The Marvels".

In the trailer we see some shadow puppet type action going on to tell Candyman's story.

So, if you haven't seen the 1992 film, you can get mostly caught up. A creative way to knock out exposition.

They still didn't get into why Candyman rocks a pimpish coat. Or why he's called "Candyman". I mean... they address the name, kinda... (Razor blades in candy - also seen in the trailer) but there's a bit of a hole in the timeline of that story. Plus, how would Candyman (a vengeful spirit) even have the time or patience required to put razor blades in hard candy? If he were an actual pimp named "Candyman", it would make more sense... but anyway...

The main character (Anthony, played by Yahya Adbul Mateen II) 

needed more of Candyman's story , so he went into the depths to find more horror, and he found it. Now, there's a white woman, who's the main character in the 1992 version, who does the same thing, and... let's just say things end poorly for her, and Anthony is foolishly following in her footsteps.

He's a broke visual artist, but thankfully he's got himself a suga mama (played by Teyonah Parris) , 

a not-so-broke art gallery director named Brianna. Lesson number one, you broke artists - gym membership. 

Follow the path of Yahya. He’s the only hard candy mama needs! Keep that suga mama money coming to fuel your art.

I appreciate this couple though - a lot of times (in movies) we see black couples where the woman is struggling to feed the kids with like 3 or 4 jobs, while the man juggles cheating on her, being involved with drugs, and dreaming of one day being the greatest rapper there ever was. We've been there and done that with black movie couples enough.

But, Candyman can't allow this couple to be too happy, so the killing begins!

Say his name 5 times! He dares you! After the fifth time, he appears to brutally kill you. What kind of game is that? I could see if it was a 50/50 chance - win some money or die, but straight up 100% death? Who would play such a game?? 

"Let's go to the top of a snowy, slippery mountain. Let's slide down it with crazy speed and immovable objects in our way." Who’s game?

(white people)

"Let's take a detour through the woods, at night, right pass the area where those teenagers were murdered, LAST NIGHT... I don't think they ever caught the perp. Oh, well... let's go!" Who’s going?

(white people)

So, who will play the candyman name game? - white people, of course :)

I heard someone say that Candyman is only killing white people. That’s not true #1, but #2 - they’re the ones mostly playing this game.

No, this isn't just some movie about a black, pimpish, man with a hook, killing white people. We've got story as well.

Three parts to this story, actually:

The look -

Which I mentioned is great! The gruesome horror elements and the killings are well done. In fact, the kill scenes are so good that I wanted to see more of it. A lot of the kills effectiveness come from NOT showing you the gore. There's plenty gore as well, but the balance of times when you have to imagine what's happening as people scream is also dope.

The horror part to the film is kinda slowed down though by the social commentary. part to the film: The 1992 film has this as well, but it's more subtle, and flows with the story better. This... well, I can see why some hyper-sensitive conservatives might cry "wokeism!" I disagree with their sentiment, but I get it. If this movie had come out before 2020, perhaps the feeling would be different. There's a scene that's directly addressing gentrification. It's a group of four people (three black people and a white dude) talking. The movie shows how the seemingly enlightened and likable white dude was involved in the convo, but still didn't really get it. Perhaps that's how they see a lot of their audience with this, cuz there's no subtlety going on here at all. It's more of an "F U" at times. It's effective hate-watching though.

Lastly there's the psychological part to the movie. Something has clearly gone wrong inside of Anthony, and no one seems to be taking it all that seriously.

Something is also wrong outside of Anthony as well.... as seen in the trailer, he gets stung by a bee. One of those Candyman Bees! (Not a thing, but it should be) It's... maybe... infected (they never really explain), and gets worse and worse. Why doesn't anyone demand that he go to the doctor?! Not even his suga mama says anything! You know damn well, that no matter how sexy one may be, if you've got some sort of creepy Candyman infection, that's gonna mess up that sexy-suga-money flow, y'all feel me?? And if there is some sort of ghostly infection, shouldn't we be more scared of the bees than even Candyman? He only appears when you say his name! The bees on the other hand...

I guess it's kinda real though - I could certainly see people these days getting "the candyman infection" I speak of, and saying proudly "It's not real! And I will NOT be treated!" while waving a flag, with their clearly infected hand.

These three parts collide, sloppily. It's funny, cuz the film, as I said, is heavy-handed with hot topics, but the story (particular in the third act) will confuse you. I mean, I get it, cuz I saw the original film, but had I not... ??? There's a scene when Candyman is summoned and he proceeds to kill a bunch of cops. THEY didn't even summon him! They said “Defund the Police” not kill’em!  Idk if Candyman had been listening to nothing but Louis Farrakhan and Marvel’s Kilmonger nonstop during 2020, and it's all spilling over or what?? Some people are overachievers. Then he says "Spread my message" What message is that?!

Imagine if you say my name 5 times, and I appear in your kitchen, drink all of your beer, walking into your living room, and pee in the corner... then I say to you, before disappearing "Spread my Message".

You'd be like "What the hell?"

Despite this movies' flaws, I still enjoyed it. The social commentary really is important to the times we're living in, and should still be discussed, and not just discussed, by acted on. Plus, I truly am impressed by director Nia DaCosta. I do recommend that you see it, but you should probably watch the 1992 one first. Or who knows what message you'll leave with :)

Grade: generous B-

I doubt that there'll be a sequel, but if there is one, i really do hope that we can finally get to the bottom of this name thing. With Candyman, I'm still thinking drug dealer. It's not that scary of a name. Maybe CandyHOOK! Hooks wielded by maniacs are always scary.

No? Yeah, it does make me think his hook is made out of candy.

With the bees involved, perhaps "Bee Guy", or "Bee King", but... they're not really his thing. Plus, that's lame, and kinda sounds like he's buddies with Ant-Man. That could hurt his street cred. The 1992 film gets into a honey type of scenario as to the etymology. But, then, it should be "Honey Man", right? - that sounds kinda like a gigolo though. But, perhaps this is a good thing! That gives me an idea that could add some surprise to this whole name game thang! Call his name 5 times and either receive drugs, murder, a confusing sermon, or sweet, sweet lovin. Now, that's a game!

[praphit]

Godzilla vs Kong: A Good Christian Film

It was Easter weekend, so I had wanted to check out a good Christian film. There is some new hotness out there called "A Week Away".

It's a musical, about a troubled teen, who breaks the law; his options are then to either go to juvie or go to a Christian camp. Obviously, this teen would be white:) It's a spellbinding tale about right and wrong, about Jesus, and from the looks of the poster, it's also about some Christian booty - and the power thereof to save this young man's soul.

I was all set to watch it, but somehow "Godzilla vs Kong" ended up on my screen instead. 

Weird, right??

But, I can find Jesus in any movie. I was sure I could find Him in this movie too, so I let this weird phenomenon take me:)

The trailer of G vs K had me hyped!

Godzilla and Kong, going WWE in various cities as their ring. I'm sold!

Then, they said "and here's the cast!" I really didn't care about the cast. I mean...  let's say that a young Mike Tyson, time travels to 2021 and says he wants to fight Conor McGregor. 

Young Time Traveling Mike Tyson vs McGregor??!! Are you kidding me??!! The world would literally stop as these two fought (aka Tyson murdering McGregor in the ring). 

And then, the promoters spent all their time hyping Mike and Conor's training staff, and the ref, and the people calling the fight, and why these two are fighting - WHO CARES?! Some fights don't require much promo.

Unless they're going to interview Kong and Godzilla (and how great would that have been??), idc.

But, this movie sure does, so let's go through them, briefly:

Rebecca Hall - 

 I love her! I don't care about her in this movie, but I love her. She is the top smarty-pants scientist who's out there trying to manage this big thing(Kong). She's kinda like Dr. Fauci.

There's a cute,little deaf kid who everyone tells me is special. 

I'm not going to make fun of this character, though I'd really like to, because she does some silly things. But, what kind of asshole makes fun of a cute, little deaf kid??

Alex Skarsgard -

He's eye-candy. Fun Fact: he learned sign language, so he could better communicate with Kaylee Hottle (cute, little deaf kid - who in real life, is a cute, little deaf kid). That's awesome! - he's still simply eye-candy.

Eiza Gonzalez - 

They needed a Hispanic person on the team.

Millie Bobby Brown - 

Her character is annoying, boring, and disrespectful to her dad (a triple threat). She kept referencing the last Godzilla movie (which in it, apparently, her and her dad had issues), as if anyone watched/remembers that movie.

Annnnnd there's a crazy black guy in this

 - he's kinda like Alex Jones.

More interested now? Nah, me either.

Can we please get to the fight now?!

Nope, gotta talk about "the why?" first: 

You see...  

...

Godzilla... um... see, there's some sort of energy that... we need, cuz ya gotta have energy, right?? So, Kong... he... *sigh* damn. He's tracking the energy, but Godzilla is big like Kong, so... there was a war a long ago? Some rich dude is building some THING... there's a planet and a tunnel... and Kong has axe. Boom! PLOT! Kong works with the humans a lot here, which doesn't make much sense. It seems to me that the humans are doing just as much damage to him as Godzilla. Again, I don't care. Just say that Godzilla said Kong's mama is fat and ain't got no teeth, and that would have been enough for me.

An axe though??? What the hell??

JUST FIGHT!

When they finally do fight, it's very cool!

They fight in the water. 

There's an epic battle at the end on some surreal planet full of butt eaters. Not joking, there's a scene where some creature swoops down and starts eating some dude's butt. I hope we learn more about Butteater Planet some day.

Like I said, Kong has an axe (and it's magical... yep) 

And there's some Mortal Kombat-type action that goes on as well.

I loved the fighting, but it was only about 7-10 mins of the movie (and I'm probably being generous). The other hour and fifty minutes are about the cast and "the plot". It's called Godzilla vs Kong, dammit! That's all I need! It's the only reason I'm there! It's the only reason I didn't watch a privileged white boy sing songs about how he found love (in his loins) at a Christian Camp!

I recommend fast-forwarding  through to the fights. 

Better yet, just find the fights on Youtube. Trust me, the rest of the movie doesn't matter. The fights are dope, 

but not enough in comparison to all of the bullshit surrounding them.

I would have rather have had 30 mins of fighting, maybe a couple of breaks for them to sit down, drink some water, and get coached up... maybe have some comedians commentate (Chappelle and Burr, maybe), and right back to it. If they do this again, tell the actors to get out of the way!

Grade: D-

I think I found the Jesus in this though:

Many pay attention to church twice a year. A lot of long drawn-out services. BUT, you can skip around, to get to the good stuff if you'd like.

If you want the gospel - BOOM John 3:16 - now you don't even need to sit through the service (and what makes a long service longer? - watching it online as many did to escape The Ronas)

If you want your shot of religion, so as to not feel guilty until Christmas, then skip the Catholic services, skip the "Black churches" , cuz if you don't, you'll be streaming that service all day and all night. Find that little church, who doesn't have a staff or musicians yet, their tech might not even work right for the live broadcast, the feed could go out on you, but hey... it still counts for that Easter credit.

My point is, Jesus doesn't want you to waste your time, so don't watch this movie. Amen?

Amen.

[praphit]

F9: What does Absurdity even mean anymore?

Due to COVID, I thought that my last movie theater experience was going to be "Bad Boys For Life". I'm happy to say that if I died today, I would be telling souls in Heaven that "F9" was the last movie I saw on the big screen (I'm sure that films are big talking points in the after life).

There weren't too many people there:

There was a woman coughing in the corner; I barely looked at her. I imagined that COVID was mugging her, and I didn't want to be a witness, and so have COVID come after me next. I'm vaxxed, but still I was thinking of ways to distract COVID, so I could enjoy the film. There was an old couple sitting up front (like REALLY OLD... sitting UP FRONT... Ha! that's awesome). Awesome or not, I was going to point them out if COVID came after me. There were two obese kids sitting a few rows behind me that I could also point out, as well as my friend that I was sitting next to... what?? Look, they would ALL want me to escape, so I could bring my "F9" review to the people!

WHAT??!

Let's not talk about my survival skills, let's talk some Vin & the Fam - that's why we're here!

It took a while for me to remember what was going on:

Dom (Vin), Letty (M. Rod), and their... kid? Oh, right, they have a kid, and they moved on to start a new life together. 

Didn't the real mom die or something?? Idk. You've got the British lady from "GOT" still hanging out with Luda and Tyrese. 

(they so crazy)

"Hobbs and Shaw" are still gone 

(making their own money, cuz bleep family!). 

Brian (Paul Walker's character - rip) is apparently, now everyone's babysitter. So, if anyone in this gang, who could die on any of these missions, ever have kids, they can just send them off to Nanny Brian's. 

There's a dude named Mr. Nobody who sometimes sends the gang on secret spy missions.

Oh, and people in the gang keep coming back from the dead. Boom! We're caught up with this absurdity. That's actually what I asked for when I got to the movies 

"Give me one ticket for Absurdity please."

In this batch of the absurd, we find out that Dom has a brother, and he's John Cena (Jakob). 

Charlize Theron is back! That must have been the worst bet that she has ever lost. I consider her to be one of the most underrated and underappreciated actors we've got, but movies like these ain't helping that case.

And who's idea was it to give her that haircut? - part of the bet she lost, I suppose. 

It was reported that the gang goes into space (at least two of them do). 

Annnnd the X-Men Jet is back! 

(it really does look like that - Wolverine included)

Seriously, after the X-Men's last two movies (which were turrrible), I was expecting them to crossover for a fresh start. Why not?? They're a spy team now, that goes to space! - nothing should be off the table.

They're looking for two halves of some... war sphere?? If put back together with some key... idk... John Cena rules the world.

Remember when Vin and the gang were all about street racing, money, survival, and brown booty? - those were simpler times!

But, why discuss the plot? Seriously, why? None of it makes any sense. From Dom and Letty living like Amish people (which is an ending worse than death for action heroes) 

to their convoluted explanation for bringing the latest person back from the dead (which reminds me of a married couple, when the husband or wife get caught watching porn, and try to explain that it was just a pop-up that came out of nowhere. The other spouse gulps their glass of wine and plows forward - that was me with this - gulping my soda (with a lil Henny) saying "whatever guys, let's please just move on".

and  what's going on with the two brother's is a thin thread at best. AND the villain's motivation...  

But, it's foolish to get into that., and take points off. I LOVE THESE MOVIES, but it ain't for the story. Let's grade "F9" by its own standards:

Racing, Action, and Family (they graduated from booty to family):

Racing

They've done the racing in a small city thing before, but this time it's with magnets! - SUPER MAGNETS!

YES!

I loved this! Cars are getting sucked into magnets. They're using them to make people fly away and explode. Which btw, they did my man Francis Ngannou wrong (an mma fighter). There's a fight scene with a giant white dude on top of a speeding vehicle. That giant white dude could have and should have been the role for Francis, instead he's just here to say high, and then blow up. As much as I loved these scenes, they were too quick in some areas. I think if they had slowed some of the magnet stuff down a bit, we could appreciate more what's happening.

Action

M.Rod is legit. 

She needs her own franchise. The only action star I enjoyed more than her was Vin, and that's really due to the absurdity of one scene. Do y'all remember the "Civil War" scene when Captain America has one hand on a building and another pulling back a helicopter?? 

It's the same level of strength needed for what Vin does in some underground chambers. You can see a bit of it in the trailer. He pulls the whole place down, and then, just like in "Civil War", he ends up in the water (but unconscious). Oh, and he does this after beating up like 50 people at once. Ha! I love it! Then, how he is rescued (cuz c'mon, he can't die) is splendidly preposterous, and I mean that is a complimentary way. That scene is perfection.

The only action that bothers me comes from Dom's sister (mia). 

She just doesn't sell being a fighter, but whatever. No disrespect... she’s beautiful, but... her hair might weigh more than the rest of her body.

Apparently, the highest trained fighters (agents) in the world (who have GUNS) never trained for a unskilled, unprepared, 110 lb woman in her 40's with a frying pan.

Family & Corona

Tyrese and Luda are always funny, but their act is growing a bit thin. It actually felt like an act this time around. I think it's time to add another black man in the mix; perhaps one who's older than they are... TRACY MORGAN?

Throw an OG in there and it'll freshen things up again. I do like though how Tyrese is starting to suspect that they might be immortals. I think they should test that theory out in the next movie; maybe have Tyrese break the fourth wall, kinda like Deadpool, as he realizes this is just a dumbass movie.

Dom and Letty's kid... terrible. I'm sorry! This is a bias of mine, but kids normally suck at acting. This one is no exception. Just get an older actor to play the young kid. I'm thinking Ryan Reynolds would have been a good choice.

You may be saying "that's absurd!" - I'm glad that y'all can still tell what that word means, cuz I can't.

The rest of the chemistry family magic is great!

Oh, and Cardi is here, but... barely (for like 30 seconds, if that). 

No rapping, no wapping, no cursing... kind of a waste of Cardi B, if you ask me.

John Cena aka Jakob with a K!

Meh. JC def has charisma, just not in this movie. He doesn't stand out at all. You know?? - The Rock, Jason Statham, Charlize Theron, etc all have a presence about them in this franchise. Cena?! what happened, buddy?

There are certain music artists whom you'd think would have a great personality based off their music and how they dress. But, then you meet them, and you realize that they're just normal bozos like you and I (only rich and famous). And normal bozos like you and I, AT TIMES can be boring. You gotta have some flair if you're not going to have personality. Give my man some pink glittery highlights, a face tat, some vampire teeth, and maybe a chainsaw for his left arm or something.

Grade: Good action. The absurdities were funny. I was entertained! Production was great! BUT it's getting tired, my friends. It's the same formula that I've mentioned and then, like always, they're grilling and drinking Corona's in the sun. After nine movies (with at least two more on the way)... I never thought I'd say this, but it's actually not absurd enough. Wait... I seriously can't believe I just said that.

I need to say that again to know it's real.

This movie wasn't absurd.. enough? ENOUGH. IT WASN'T! They're going to need to step it up for the next two.

They were in space, but not for long. They raced for the most part in regular cars (regular for them). . You only brought ONE person back from the dead??! C'mon! We can do better.

I'm giving it an entertaining C+

I like that we saw different younger Dom's (during flashbacks) through time. I think that the next type of vehicle they bust out should be a DeLorean.

Y'all feel me?? TIME TRAVEL, baby! 

Vin and the gang race through time! They can have Tracy Morgan. They'll each have a younger version (or older) of themselves join the group. Cardi B will actually do something this time - maybe turn into a car! 

And maybe Cable shows up as they tie it to Marvel.

Think bigger, Vin!

[praphit]

Old AF!

Old AF! 

Starring Joe Biden. 

Nah. 

There was a lot of oldness in this movie though, so maybe he was in it, and I just missed him. It'd make for a good show, I think, right?? "Old AF"? I'll produce it, and ask Joe Biden do outrageous things for someone of his age: like parkour, slam dunk competitions, fighting Jake Paul, wrestling an alligator. 

And then he'd be like "I can't do that! I'm Old AF!" (laugh track), and then I'd get him to do it anyway.

I'm sure Netflix would pick that up.

People, M. Night is back! This time he's using our fears of getting old to twist us. Getting old can be scary for sure, but from the trailer we see that the process is sped up a bit. Normally, we can slowly process one gray hair, two gray hairs, to fifty.  But, this is like if Michael Myers was father time himself, and instead of his nonchalant pace and magical pop-ups, he's grabbing a knife and sprinting after you.

(”Get yo ass over here!”)

Scary.

It all starts off well enough.

What?? Oh, so you think I'm going to do that thing when I say it "starts off well", and then trash rest of the movie? Psssh, you don't know me. See, that's your problem... always thinking you know something.

It starts off well enough :)

Drama!

There's a family that's cute on the surface, but there's a lot of issues underneath:

Mommy and Daddy want a divorce. 

They're a bit cryptic at first as to why. What are the main reasons these days? Money, communication, and sex/intimacy, I think?

I won't give anything away. Let's just say that... Daddy is into clowns... watching... during sexy time, and Mommy wants no parts of that anymore. That's not what's going on, but it could have been.

We'll say that they had money problems too... because Mommy won't stop betting on... idk. Turtle Racing.

And they DID actually have a lot of communication issues. There's an illness going on that they don't want to deal with. We'll say it's Mommy's feet; they're HUGE! Everybody in the family is tripping over them. It's tearing them apart!

The son is really annoying. Ever been stuck in the car on a long trip with someone who is unbearably annoying? Ugh, that's this kid. So, there's the drama of him getting beat up by... really anybody, at any moment. You're praying that he does. Don't be annoying, kids!

And their daughter likes to sing on long car rides, and she is NOT good AT ALL! She's terrible, but again, another issue that this family doesn't want to deal with. She's going to end up on some singing competition, embarrassing herself and the family. It's just a matter of time before she realizes just how awful she is... See??! The drama!

They say to themselves, "Our family is falling apart, so let's go to a resort on an island, hosted by some creepy white dude, packed-in and surrounded by strangers. Yes!

The white dude hosting IS creepy, but super-polite. I get uneasy (as a black man) when white people are overly polite. Either something is about to go down and you're trying to keep me here to trap me or you've done something horrifying, and you're trying to make up for it. Creepy Dude’s staff at the resort were also very polite. One of them, I THINK, was Clint Eastwood’s daughter. Who would think you’d see her at the mysterious resort? I wish I could find a pic of her in this movie, cuz she is super-fit. I mean... her arms are poppin! POPPIN! 

Like is you don’t accept her professional kindness, she would beat you down.

POPPIN!

Oh, and M. Night was there! In the scene! 

He was their Uber driver. You have to give him full stars, right?? It's the Twist Master!

This resort wasn't working out (shocking), so they decided to go to the mysterious beach where people go missing, but no one seems to care. Perhaps that's the perfect spot when a marriage is on the rocks and a hefty alimony payment might be looming.

A decent set-up! All was well enough! And then.... yeah, you were right!

The BS began with the first body drop, and never stopped.

This movie is not good, people.

I knew from the trailer and honestly, and unfortunately, because of M. Night, that this movie was going to be trash. There are many problems, but I'll sum most of them up:

#1 - Contrivance

They make a point to tell us what everybody does for a living. And everybody seems to have the exact skills required to move the plot along. A paleontologist, a numbers guy, a champion swimmer, a doctor (not just any doctor, but one who's the top dog at his hospital), etc - c'mon M. Night. Only in fiction can someone call out for a doctor, and not only find one, but find the exact type of doctor needed for your situation. That's some divine intervention. Even if there IS a doctor around, most of them (like all of us) are too self-involved to actually help. I live in Baltimore, and I can't even find a witness for crimes committed, let alone a doctor!

They even had a black dude written in for the white people to blame for everything. Oh, and he's a rapper. Cuz of course he would be.

I'm calling you out, M. Night! Why couldn't this guy 

- who played the doctor, have been the rapper, and this guy who played the rapper 

(with a ridiculous rapper name "Mid-Sized Sedan") have been the doctor?! Huh?! Huh, M. Night?!

Problem #2 - Trying to explain everything that's happening

So, all of the strangers see the first body drop, and they all become scientists and mathematicians. All that smarty-pants-word-salad that they tossed up to explain something that no one could ever explain.

It's like movies with time travel. The best ones are the ones that barely explain it. They just say "Time Travel, sonn! Shut up and enjoy the movie!" When they try to explain it, we all realize how silly it is; that's what M. Night did wrong here.

It got to the point when every time there was a scream on the beach, I wasn't scared for them, but thinking "What bullshit are they gonna deal with and try to explain this time?"

This woman in the movie is thinking the same thing.

She's looking right at the director, thinking "Dammit, M.Night."

Now, some might say, "Well, did he at least get the twist right?"

What do you think??

What's actually going on is kinda projected. You'll be surprised by the details, maybe, but probably not by what's generally happening.

Plus, it's one of those things when after watching this film, you'll start thinking about it, and the more you do, the more it doesn't make any sense. I won't spoil anything. I'll just ask How long can you hold your breath under water? How long can the average person hold their breath under water?

Hmmm.... maybe that was part of the twist. The island makes one old, but they can now break records for breath-holding under water.

There's also a point in the picture when M. Night screws up... like really bad. I'm talking about his character (uber driver:) 

If I were making a movie, and I was going to be in it, I would be the frickin MAN! I’d be the hero, AND the villains, AND the twist, AND my own love interests. But, perhaps this (”humility”) is part of M. Night's genius.

Grade:  Well, the only reason I don't fail this movie is because of a scene (that was not meant to be funny) that made be laugh out loud. There's a couple of those types of scenes, but this one in particular... I won't spoil it, I'll simply say "The Pretzel Lady".

It's a serious moment that's made utterly ridiculous. It's not funny enough for you to rush to the possibly covid-ridden theatres, but funny enough to wait until it's available to stream, and fast forward to "The Pretzel Lady".

This movie would have been better off as a Horror/Comedy. Take the writing out of M. Night's hands, and in the hands of a established comedic writer. 

I think that there's a lot of funny and levity to be brought to this Beach of Aging, 

but... again, perhaps I just don't get M. Night's genius

Grade: D-

I really wish now that Joe Biden was in this film. He could have been part of the contrivance. "Is anyone here a doctor? Or Sociologist? or the president of the United States?"

Uncle Joe: "Yeah, I'm Joe Biden. And I'm the president of the United States. I'll save us."

As he makes a weird sound with his mouth that unleashes a UFO to the appear in front of them all to take them away from M. Night. I

f Netflix doesn't take "Old AF", perhaps they'd take this show. 

"Undercover Biden".

The first episode could be him (posing as a detective) trying to help a police squad track down a missing person, with a mere sniff of some of their hair.

Call me, Netflix!

[praphit]

WandaVision: When you can’t let go of that robo-lovin.

So, I just finished watching "WandaVision", and I must say, right off the bat 

- I LOVED IT!

Disney Plus is finally paying off. I'm in the group of peeps who got DP, not for the mouse, but for the ones whom the mouse is in bed with, and most recently on Mickey's playtime Marvel List - Wanda Maximoff and her robo-boy toy VISION... or is that “THE Vision”? - that seems kinda ostentatious, but whatever.

When I first heard that Wanda was getting a series, I said "Who cares?" I don't care bout no Wanda! What has she been other than a weird pest?

Let's review:

She tried to kill the Avengers, she accidentally injures and kills innocent people, she was getting in the way, so Tony Stark had to get his CPU (Vision) to babysit her, she falls in love with the CPU - can we talk about how strange this is? I didn't say wrong, just different, cuz honestly, we may be headed there soon. That movie "Her" might be a reality with how tech is going these days.

But, imagine I come to your home and fall in love with your laptop (which messes everything up for you with all your devices and your social media), THEN (as Wanda did with Vision), I run off on some romantic journey with all of your devices. Imagine how Tony would have felt, if he was still with us.

She had one job when it came to Thanos, and it ended up not mattering.

Then, went full rage on the wrong Thanos.

Idk if that’s a look (Thanos) pain, release, of he’s listening to his jam. Kinda looks like he’s saying “JESUS”. But, Wanda is pissed.

Wanda: "You took everything from me!"

Thanos: "Lady, I don't even know you!"

I didn't care about Wanda. But, damn, Marvel is so good that in one episode they made me care; one trailer, really.

If you had not seen the trailer for this series, you might be confused by the first episode. 

You might even ask yourself - "What the bleep is this nonsense?!" We want heroes vs villains. We want super-powered explosions. We want capes, ridiculously tight clothes, bulky armor, and anything else that makes no sense to fight in.

You're giving me "Bewitched"?

I DID see the trailer, so I knew going in that it would be a slow burn with some nostalgia, some quirks, and some eeriness; right up my alley.

The change in Tv decade styles btw *chef kiss*

I figured that they'd be trapped in some mysterious, magical world - which they are...

Unless you're super geeky with the funny books, there's no way you'll see what's coming in this mystery.

And it IS a mystery, not only to the audience, but for the characters involved in this show. Don't nobody know what the hell is going on.

But, LaWanda and Vishawn 

(sorry, I just wanted to use this pic - Ha! Y'all are crazy.)had help figuring things out:

Rambo

Yeah, it's actually Monica Rambeau, 

but... admit it, some of you kept thinking about Rambo too, right?? No offense to this actress, but I'd rather see old man Sly play Rambo, and HIM be in this mysterious WandaVision town. Let's get Disney a lil bloody. Wishful thinking, I suppose.

Marvel WILL BE venturing into multiple universes soon, so perhaps Rambo finds his way to team up with The Punisher? Huh?? YEAH!

But, no... Rambeau (meh No personality, but whatever).

Randall Park - 

He's that person we all know who has made us laugh so much in life, that they don't even need to say anything anymore; you look at them and laugh. I love this dude!

Kat Dennings - 

I remember liking her more in the Thor movies.  I found her annoying, this time around.   She joins the mystery to figure tech stuff out, and she's a doctor or something (don't you forget it!). She also asks the team she just meets to get her some coffee, and acts like they're disrespecting HER, by their lack of response. I know she's a doctor and all, but damn! Imagine some electrician comes to your place to serve YOU, they're condescending to you, and then  they ask you for some coffee. Get the hell outta here!

Oh, and there's a dude named “Director Dick”. That's my name for him, but the name fits.

The people in this town are acting out as if they've been scripted for some show. And all of these characters, AND US, get to figure it out together - through antics from different times in Tv culture. 

Times sure were different back in the day:

No social justice issues implanted or cursing or sex or drugs... now, I'm not saying it was a better time, just a different one :) A time when dad jokes ruled! Simple times! Ignorance was bliss. But, it kinda wasn't - not really.

It's like having an animal die on your property somewhere, and it starts to stink. You COULD find the truth of the stench... or light candles everywhere. Some really strong candles - maybe some of those Gwyneth Paltrow candles.

Though the stench might get covered up, the problem is still there. At some point, your kids could find the dead rotting animal... maybe start playing with it... you get the point.

In this show, the townspeople's minds have been taken over by someone or something, and it's torturous for them. So... bliss on the surface, but... not so much, going deeper. I tell you all of this, plus great production in each epi, a good slow-burn mystery, and fun with comic characters in a way we haven't seen before on screen, and hell yeah - Grade: A series.

Now... spoilers.

You might want to leave now.

People, Wanda is the villain here. I'm not sure if that's the message the writers are trying to convey or not, but I don't care; she is the clear villain here.

Here’s Wanda reading some Hell book, conjuring some dark spirits - nbd.

We are rooting for her throughout this show; even after we find out that she has been (even if not maliciously) controlling every one, we still root for her.

I'm not saying that's bad, but we can't forget about what she has done! Remember, I said that the mind control was torturous for the townspeople.

There's a very emotional moment at the end of this series between Wanda and Vision, and between them and their kids (yeah, they have kids... that's a whole other thing). This moment is well done and touching. There's even a bad ass fight between Wanda and the "true... villain"? - of this story. I'll get to her in a sec (There’s a badass Vision fight scene as well).

I loved all of that! But, at the end of the day...

I know Wanda is grieving and all, we all grieve, but we all don't, in our grief, take a whole town hostage, torture the people, all while playing house with our family. That's kinda sick, no??

Are we doing a girl-power thing? or a “witches are people too” thing? or “but she’s doing it all for her family” thing (yeah, they’re not actually real, but whatever)? I don’t know.

I'm not sure that we know what a villain is anymore. It used to be clear - the guy with the beard was the bad guy, or the guy wearing the black outfit was the bad guy, or the people who aren't Americans are the bad guys :)

But, movies like "Joker" and "Deadpool" and Harley's joint have confused some.

Who else would be the villain? There's a character, the villain (i guess), a witch named Agatha Harkness, played by Kathryn Hahn

Here she is saying “I’m the villain? Really? What about her?!!”

   - she's excellent btw; def the highlight of this show; her and Paul Bettany's hair game.

But, let's compare:

Agatha: 

betrays her coven back in the day, sure, but why you bringing up old shit? 

She allows Wanda to play out this fantasy for a while, and even played along. She could have just killed her when she was ignorant; that's what I would have done. She eventually shows Wanda the truth (granted, she then wants Wanda's power, but hey, everything has a price. And for all we know, she would have used all of that power to... cure the worlds diseases or something... though prob not:). Annnd maybe she killed an imaginary puppy. Convo for another time: if you kill something that's not real, does it matter??

That's it!

She didn't (like Wanda): abduct a town, torture its people, bring Vision back from the dead (kinda), endanger soldiers who were just doing their jobs, create weird fantasies (And did she have sexy time with previously dead, fake Vision? This thing gets even weirder if she did. But, let's not go down that path.) Oh, and she magically punted a black woman (Rambo) the length of a football field just for her asking Wanda some questions.

When the townspeople finally regain their minds (Lord knows how long it's been), they look at her with disdain, and I don't blame them.  And what does Wanda do?? - shrug, put on a hoodie, and fly off - to break into somebody's home and read some devil book.

Where’s cancel culture in this universe? 

I know she made us feel, but I ask again, who's the villain here?

Still Grade A stuff for me (again, I loved this!), but c'mon, people.

We get a glimpse of Captain Marvel 2 as well. My fingers are crossed. I actually liked the first movie. But, many others did not, and one of the reasons - Captain Marvel doesn't have much of a personality, and another - she's too powerful (no risk).

So, to answer the critics, we have Monica Rambeau - another ridiculously super-powered hero, with no personality. So, two unrelatable characters flying around in space, as Sam L Jackson tries not to curse. But, if Marvel can make me care about evil ass Wanda, I'll still hold out hope for Capt Marvel 2.

[praphit]

Mortal Kombat: Earthrealm’s Crappiest Fighters

I think we can all agree that the old school Mortal Kombat theme song ("Techno Syndrome") is one of the best songs of all time. Well... by "best" I mean annoyingly spellbinding. It kinda gets in you; especially if you've been following Mortal Kombat from the beginning of their run since the early 90's. "Dun Dun Dun Dun - DUNDUN (gong)... FIGHT!"  

Then, it be like "Kano" and you be dancing "Liu Kang" and you start shakin it. Then, it gets to "Sub Zero" and you're like "Ahhhh Shit! Here it comes!"  And then "Sonya" And everybody and their mama shouts "MORTAL KOMBAT" I'm telling you, back in the day, every time that song played - here comes the dancing AND fighting. Then, the cops would show up wherever the song is being played, and they'd dance a bit too, before they started looking for black people to shoot - it was a great time had by all.

This song demanded a rebooted movie from the classic (that's right, I said CLASSIC) 1995 film.

In the first movie, it was Liu Kang and a bunch of losers. I'm mean, just look at them.

You don't fear anyone there except for Liu; not even white Raiden (at the top).

With this 2021 reboot, we've got the same ol tournament plot - something about a martial arts tourney to decide who rules all of the worlds.

There's something about the MK logo appearing on people; it could appear out of know where - on your arm, face, butt, who knows??

Of course the bad guys have been cheating, and once again the ones chosen to fight for earth are Liu Kang and a bunch of losers.

Look how badass he is - you think making fire come out your body is easy?! This Liu mutha *uckin KANG!

Granted, You've got Raiden 

- with  the correct race and ethnicity this time, but he's kinda slow. This whole movie, you'll have fight scenes, people are dying. The ones not dying are screaming for help, and Raiden never shows up until those people who were crying out are also dead.

You've got Kung Lao, 

but he's kind of an asshole.

So, yeah, really just Liu again.

His team of losers:

Kano 

- Imagine if fate chose Jeffrey Dahmer to defend earth. Yep, that's pretty much what we have here.

Jax  

(on the left)

- some Arsenio Hall lookin guy who's about to have his arms destroyed (we learn this from the trailer) Yeah, so fate chose a guy with no arms to protect Earth! Well done.

Sonya 

- while everyone else has powers of fire, ice, lightning, she's got pretty pink rings that shoot out of her hands.

That's her tough face. Like she's saying "Leggo my Eggo."

And Cole 

- who specializes in getting his ass beat. Even his super power revolves around getting his ass beat.

Ladies and gentlemen, Earthrealm’s mightiest fighters! - here to save us!

There is plenty of action throughout this movie. I loved it!

Some of my favorite scenes:

Scorpion vs Sub Zero

From the very beginning, there's gore, blood, and guts! Sub has been after Scorpion, and in the process, comes after Scorp's family.

Can I just say that I've seen this whole enemy of your past comes after a reformed assassin before - the reformed badass assassin's family is always so meek. Life Tip, kids: If you're going to be a professional ass-kicker, then you need to be with a life partner who can defend themselves. I'm not saying they need to be a family of killers, but get them to take ONE Karate class, at least!

Goro is also very cool-looking (2021 version on the left)!

Way more menacing than the first time around (95 version on right) when he let some dude punch him in the balls to end the bout. I understand that it happens, but... you don't see Thanos or Darkseid getting punched in the man zone and looking all goofy afterwards.

The fight scenes involving Liu Kang and  Kung Lao were awesome!

Sub Zero in general was the main menace. He is haunting.

The violence. The gore. The campy parts as well, made this movie very enjoyable.

However, the third act kinda slows down. At some point, Raiden realizes "Wait, our team is just Liu Kang and a bunch a losers." And he has everyone camp-out and reflect... and drink. This is when the movie loses steam for me.

It's as if the action, the already next to terrible, campy dialogue, and "plot" run out of gas.

I mean, you have the typical "Hey, guys, let's work together!" type of thing that happens:

Arsenio Hall grew arms, Sonya tries to convince us that her pink rings are cool, Cole... well, is still getting his ass beat. But, everything gets a lil lazy. The ending fights go by too quickly. And the very last scene feels like everyone is tired, and so they just wanna go home.

We all know that evil is not going to win here, but I feel like it could have had it not been so lazy. Shang Tsung (the main villain/ evil sorcerer), supposedly having all this power just rolls out. It's like he looked at his watch and was like "Well, it's been fun, but I gotta get back to the wife. Peace!"

Plus, it was supposed to be a tournament... there was no tournament in this film. In fact, you had characters kill people and shout out things like "fatality" and "flawless victory" themselves, which is kinda weird.

Other than this laziness, I loved it! The action and fan-service leading up to the lazy third is still entertaining enough to outshine any lack one may feel towards the end. Again, I really enjoyed it! - And if you're a die-hard MK fan, you will too! - it's really made for you.

Grade: generous, entertaining B

One thing about all of these characters that kinda bothered me was the fact that they're all so comfortable with killing.

There's a scene where someone gets chopped in half, blood splatters all over them, and they're just like "Meh, on to the next." It's a tournament full of psychopaths!

I wonder if when the sequel comes out (and there will be one) if they'll address a lil of this, shamefully pull back, and introduce some "Friendships"