#journal entry 7

[ladybugjournal]

Notice

26 August 2024

Drafting notices of departure feels a little too much like writing a final goodbye note, except it's far less damaging mentally, and people are encouraging me to do it.

Currently, I'm getting ready to move. I'm leaving a bad situation, I'm leaving bad friends/roommates, and I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I want to first make it clear that while my current roommates and I were classmates and co-workers before we moved in together, we were not best friends prior to living together. That being said, we are not friends anymore and it is for the best.

So, because of a lot of stuff that has been going on, I am drafting notices of my departure. I am putting in my 2 week notice at a job I have worked at for 3 months shy of 6 years. I am giving my roommates a (basically) 60 day notice of moving out. Then, at the end of the month, I will be giving my building manager a 30 day notice of moving out (when our lease is up).

I'm currently drafting all of these notices to get out any petty or off handed comments that come from being pissed off at my current situation/roommates, so, when I do have a final draft, I can leave them on the best terms possible.

This is more for me so I don't look back and regret being mean or feel guilty or bad for how I acted. I am trying to do what's best for me while also taking into account how other people may feel. I am giving a "2 week notice" at work, but if my manager needs me to stay on and train someone a little longer, than I am more than willing to talk about the options. I am giving my roommates as much notice as I can while also helping them as much as I can with the transition and moving process. I don't want to fuck anyone over, but I need to also protect myself and do what's best for me. It's quite the balancing act I'm doing.

It's strange, writing these notices, mainly because they are a final goodbye. I do not intend on coming back to this job once I am gone, at least, not at the same location. I do not foresee my roommates and I rekindling our friendship down the road. I also know I will not be coming back to these apartments, though, I wasn't here long so it's a little less sad (I do love this apartment though, the layout is perfect and I love my room).

These goodbye letters, in the form of a written notice, are cathartic. They're also giving me a lot of hope and something to look forward to. I like to feel like I'm moving forward and even these little steps of me typing out a silly little letter on my laptop makes me feel like I'm doing something.

I bought some boxes today, I'm going to start packing tomorrow, I have a draft written to my roommates, and I will have another draft written to my manager. I have a timeline, specific dates I know when things are happening, and each tiny step, each new detail of the plan, is bringing me one step closer to freedom and making living here a lot more bearable.

[anatomic-adoration]

6/12/24

The plant didn't make it. I tried, I really did! I did a bunch of research, then when that didn't work I did more, and still nothing! Underwatering made roots start growing from the body(??) so I messaged an old friend from high school who said to add water and to pull out the new roots. That was... it was dead within a day. A day!

Despite that, I still have it in the window sill. A part of me is hoping I'm wrong about it dying. Seasonal plants are a thing, right? I bought it at the turning of the seasons, so maybe it was just bad timing. Tomorrow I'm going to go back to the shop with a picture of it to see if someone who actually works with plants has any insight.

On the bright side (literally) it's been gorgeous out. The warmer it gets the more energy I have! I've been walking to class and it's done wonders for my mental health. I wish lab could be outside too. Speaking of being outside, I've been out so much that I've got a few "regulars" I see like clockwork. There's this woman who's outside at 8pm gardening who I always say hi to, this couple (I'm assuming) who are always wearing matching hats and sunglasses no matter how sunny it is, and there's this person who I see walking in the opposite direction of me every time no matter where I see them. It's funny, I've been living over here for a couple years, but it isn't until now that I'm really feeling like I'm getting to know the area and the people.

We're all creatures of habit. Familiar schedules, familiar routes, and familiar neighbors (though I use the term to loosely describe anyone within around a five mile radius haha). There's something so charming about seeing people be themselves and live their individual lives.

Admittedly I've gotten a bit attached to the people I see. I've gone a bit out of my way- just a bit- out of curiosity about what they're up to. Mostly they're just on a normal walk, same as me, but sometimes they're going somewhere with intention.

By far the person I've seen the most is that guy from the coffee shop. We must have really similar taste and schedules! The poor guy probably thinks I've been following him with how much our paths have crossed. Because of that I've been trying to keep my distance so it doesn't look like I'm deliberately following him. I guess I kinda am, but I don't know; something about him just intrigues me. Maybe it's the juxtaposition of being punk while still clearly having anxiety? I don't just mean his body language (though the tense shoulders and the way his eyes flick about at small noises and movements is a dead giveaway). It's more the fact he looks simultaneously young and old. Not that I've looked that closely, but in the few times I've seen him up close the type of exhaustion that usually only comes from age is painted clear as day all over his face. I know I'm rambling, but there's just something that's making him stand out from the other people I've seen lately. He doesn't quite fit in, but why? Maybe the heat is getting to me. I need to occupy myself with something else before I keep myself up needlessly ruminating.

[stuckintmrw]

The day I go home. is the

day a dog got a bone. I miss

my cell phone... Facts

aint no home out here its just a feeling. but why feel what

was took shows that this is only the beginning

[agent-z-18]

Journal Entry #7

October 24th

So, I wasn’t able to go on a retrieval the last two days because my folks were already gone by the time I got home from school and back almost ten minutes within me walking through the door. It’s a little disappointing, knowing that I’ve missed out on two retrievals, but this last one had Python involved and I know that I am nowhere ready to deal with her and watch her injure my family, which, thankfully, wasn’t too bad this time around. Nothing Dad couldn’t heal right then and there after the retrieval was finished. But, I guess me missing out on these last two retrievals have given me some time to figure out what to do to make sure that Ray can’t just track where I’m going if I manage to score another EO. I found some flexible sheets of lead online for pretty cheap that I could use to line an old pouch that I found hidden in my closet. I’m just gonna use some fabric glue to make sure it stays in place on the outer fabric then see if I can figure out how to stitch another layer of fabric on top of the lead sheet so that it doesn’t scratch the EO up. While energy orbs are very sturdy, I don’t know the scratch resistance on them, and I’m not about to test it out just in case it allows some of its energy out through the scratch. I don’t need to figure out if a damaged EO can explode. That’d just be embarrassing, not to mention a waste of a perfectly good EO. Luckily enough, Jordan said he’d go with me to pick up some soft, easy to sew fabric tomorrow after school since the lead sheets should be there waiting for me by that time. Hopefully, none of my family members are home to grab it for me, I just really don’t need them to be all nosy about it. Me coming up my villain name was hard enough, I don’t need to try to explain why I need lead sheets to everyone.

Speaking of my villain name, Taylor thought it was absolutely hilarious that I chose ‘Agent Z’. Apparently, it’s my user-name for my old web page and I just completely forgot about it. I haven’t been on that account for a few years, I don’t even know if I remember the password to get into it. Maybe I’ll check it out later, I’m too tired right now. Taylor was also far more impressed by the fact that I managed to get an orb and keep it than Jordan was. He doesn’t think I should be keeping it, even after I explained to him why I haven’t put it in the safe yet. I just haven’t figured out a good enough excuse as to why I would need access to the inside of the safe yet. I mean, I can just scan my hand and open it, but Ray tracks everyone who goes inside it and the safe automatically sends out an alarm if anyone tries to tamper with the lock or door, so disarming the lock won’t work either. I wish I knew where exactly Ray’s lab was so that I could drop by and just leave it there like it just materialized inside his lab like it does outside and he just got lucky about it. I’m sure that it’s plausible for an orb to appear inside, there’s no evidence saying that it CAN’T happen, it just hasn’t yet. Hmm. Let me think more on that.

Evelyn and Matt still haven’t moved on from the fact that I managed to vanish with the orb. I’ve caught them twice now discussing on how to locate ‘Agent Z’s’ hideout and which abandon locations this new villain could be hiding in. Wyatt usually just listens quietly while tending to his plants on the windowsill in the living room. I don’t think he’s as bothered by the fact that they ‘lost’ an EO like our sister and brother are, but boy, it sure is entertaining. They’ve even asked ME if I have heard of a new villain coming to town recently and I nearly died at that question. Thank everything that I did a lot of theatre these last few years or I would have broken down laughing at them. Somehow, I managed to keep a straight face while telling them that “no, I haven’t heard of an ‘Agent Z’. I can ask Taylor and see if her folks have heard anything if you like?” Which, I did. And Taylor nearly choked on her pop, which was rather funny to watch. She told me she’d talk to her folks for me.

Though, I feel like now that I’m thinking about it, maybe the news shouldn’t catch wind of a new villain popping up. I mean, it’ll look rather suspicious once I stop going to retrievals after this second one, ‘cause, I mean, it’s not like I’ll be able to keep obtaining EOs, especially once I’m off at college. Unless I go to a college that’s no more than about two hours away. I could always expand the radius of how far my tracker can scan for orbs and I’m sure I could figure out a way to code something into my smart-watch so that I can get notifications right away when the tracker locates an orb… But should I? I mean, I had fun on this last retrieval, but that doesn’t mean each retrieval will be as easy as that one was. I only dealt with one villain and even then, Typhoon had left me to my own devices to try and obtain the other orb for himself. I do feel a little bad for not helping him out and I kinda want to make it up to him since he said some rather nice stuff about me, but I also don’t trust my skills enough in fighting to do more than dodge around and throw stinky smoke bombs at my family. But how am I to be sure that Shrapnel and Python would do the same? For all I know, they might attack me on sight and take the EO from me and then leave me to deal with my family. But, then again, I really, really like the thought of going on retrievals, even if I don’t come home with an EO. Maybe I should reserve judgment until after I’m able to go on a second retrieval. Can’t make any rash decisions, right?

Because becoming a temporary villain was absolutely not a rash decision and I totally put a lot of thought behind it.

I really need to work on my lying skills, they suck worse than my fighting does. And that’s saying a lot.

I’d make a terrible full-time villain.

[featheredpoet]

i think my anxiety is getting worse

[motivational-love-quotes]

6/18/19 Part 3

I think I found another spell I might be able to use. Not sure. I’ll research it first. Or something.

In other news, I could always just pretend. I know part of my reaction was my period that I started this morning. So there’s that.

I think I’m gonna start writing again. Not sure what yet though. I might have a couple in my phone notes... To be continued on that front.

Gotta deal with cramps.

M

[emmathegalaxygirl]

IV ⬝ VII ⬝ MMXIX

I wish I didn’t like you this much.

And it keeps hitting me like a freight train.

And watching you in my kitchen,

Washing my dishes,

Cooking food in my house.

Made me feel so much love.

Because “we’re like parents.”

And it’s sad that in this moment,

I don’t feel like I could be a parent

With anyone else.

What if I’m never able to be a parent

With anyone else.

If I’m constantly in this loop of loving you.

Even when you’re not here.

Because I only have four weeks left.

And I don’t know how I’m going to do this

Life

Without you.

[travellingczechia]

Journal Week 7

**note: this is an actual “journal” entry and so I occasionally mention real people, but omit names. I also reference things to practice Czech but don’t bother to explain them, so don’t go making any judgement about the other students I mention here.

10 Červenec, 2017

O vikendu nejsem studodovala české protože byla jsem na Otterbeinu. Otterbein je velký konference s moc vyměný studentkii. Ja a můj rodiče jela jsme na Westerville, a seznamím se moc lidí do Rotary. Mluvil jsem s vyměna studentka když jela do česka republíka minulý rok. Ona se jemenuje name, a měla moc problemí. Taky dvě kluky ktery pojedou do česke republike a Slovakie na srpnu. Ten mítink byla zajímavy a zábavný, a ted' jsem moc netrpělivá mít můj vízum!

What I said, according to Google Translate...

I was not studying Czech for the weekend because I was at Otterbein. Otterbein is a big conference with a very exchanged student. Me and my parents went to Westerville, and I'm getting a lot of people to Rotary. I talked to a student when she went to the Czech Republic last year. She's name and she had a lot of trouble. Also two boys going to the Czech Republic and Slovakia for August. That meeting was interesting and entertaining, and now I am very impatient to have my visa!

Words I had to look up:

seznámit se s--- to become acquainted

sejít se--- to get together

pokat se---to encounter

zábavný--- fun

netrpělivý--- impatient