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Our last night || soulmate!AU Pt.1

“What’s the difference between the love of your life and a soulmate?” I asked.

“One is a choice, and one is not”

Word Count: 7.5k Genre: Angst | Fluff | Romance | Smut Pairing: Reader(She) x Jungkook Triggers: Depression, Mention of suicide, lots of angst tbh, Mature content, Cussing. Gif: AngustD©GIFs

⇻ Playlist (Playlist Cover thanks to @basicallyadragon ♡)

A/N: Much cry while making this... Hope you guys like it! thanks for reading! and thanks for 400 followers!! <3 constructive feedback is always appreciated :)

Pt2

Masterlist

—first 24 hours— “This love was so pure it would smolder within their hearts for all eternity”

That one, single line from the book made your heart hurt. Is that the word? hurt? or...Is it something else entirely. It pained. That, you are sure about. There is just something about it, that that made you go over it once again...not analyzing, just letting it sink in, let your mind absorb it, let your body absorb it, let your soul absorb it. The book remains open on that one page; your eyes hovering above each letter and word for a long time. What did it mean? How can a love smolder you? is that even possible? How can it be eternal?. The more these silent questions spread through your thoughts, the more you feel confused, the more you feel empty; but at the same time, you somehow understand exactly what they mean. You need someone to talk about this. You read over the phrase once more:

“This love was so pure it would smolder within their hearts for all eternity”

Without realizing, pools of tears flood your eyesight, trying to blink them away the big drops drip down your cheeks. A face on the back of your mind appears. His dark and messy hair. His big gentle eyes. His goofy smile.

“Jungkook” a giggle joins the streams of water rolling down your eyes, while saying his name out-loud, making you realize you aren’t sad; In fact, you are desperate to see him again, to hug him and kiss him -just like you did every time you are together. Putting the book down, you grab the cell phone on the nightstand, ignoring the piece of white paper, standing out because of the sapphire blue seal on the front, and tap over his name on the contact list. -the dial tone causing you anxiety and a pang on your chest. It is the first time you felt like this, so frantic and in a haste about phoning him.

Unwillingly, your eyes travel to the night stand once again, landing over the closed envelope with the blue sigil. You knew this day might arrive. Since the very beginning.

Memories of your mom, explaining how she and your dad met flushing back to your present. “The Blue Sigil” she called it. You remember how the name sparkled your innocent curiosity. She told you about how, one day, when she was around 25 years old “The Blue Sigil”; the white envelope sealed with a sapphire blue wax appeared- at her doorstep, meaning her soulmate had been found.

“Then what mom?” you asked, marveled at the sound of that word, which for a 7-year-old it sounded something straight out from a fairytale- ‘a soulmate’.

“Then...I waited like everyone does- 48 hours. After that, once I arrived at the “Pairing Center” I was united with your father” she shrugged, giggly and embarrassed. “We open the letter together, as it's the norm...then—poof” she smiled widely at you, fluttering her fingers in the air as if she was casting a magic spell.

“Poof!” you repeated, happily.

“Yes…” you mother laughed. “Then we had our beautiful children, we formed a happy family and one day, with luck...you will too my pumpkin,” she said, caressing your cheeks sweetly.

But did you wanted that? Right now?

You aren't sure, since, the ‘wonders’ about the idea of a selected soulmate for you one time, are now gone. The simple thought of it made you sick, ‘How can two people just fall in love by merely just opening a piece of paper in front of the other?’ You recall looking for answers, once this questions began to wonder around your head, looking for a more believable answer with your dad: ‘What do you mean to fall in love instantly?Is loving that easy?, Isn't there something else? What does it feel like?, You liked others before mom?, What happened to them?. Of course, you father refused to answer your questions with any certainty at least the one your hopes for- because, in his head, he thought that answering you, would spoil the surprise.

But later on, you’d have, problems with this, being too afraid to even go around the word ’Love’ because you never knew how to use it. Because if someone chose your perfect fit, is it really love? Or just, acceptance?

“How does it work?” to this, your dad paid attention.

Smiling wide he simply replied “Magic.”

After that you vividly remember answering him one single word very bluntly, that caused you to be grounded for 2 weeks:

“Bullshit…”

On the other side of the line, he picks up.

“y/n?” Jungkook answers, his breathing heavy, his voice rough and agitated.

Looking at the time on the wall clock you realize it's a little over 4 pm, meaning he is training. Usually, you wait for him to call once he is done, but today your mind seems to have lost all train of thought concerned by the situation at hand. Because you need him. More than you ever did.

“y/n~? Hello?” he repeats, your name sounding...different than other times when he says it, a tinge of worry and strangeness.

“Jungkook, yes- Hi, I'm sorry…” you reply, maybe sounding a little too mournful, since apparently, he notices it on our voice.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

“You are training, sorry...I was distracted and didn't realize the time” you murmur, playing with the worn out book cover.

“Ohhh, I see~” Jungkook sins, jolly “you are reading and lost track again, didn't you?

You smile, but your chest felt heavy. He knew you, and you knew him as if you are one part of the other. ‘Will all of that be meaningless in the end? Will that stupid seal wash away all of our memories?’ When you open your mouth to reply to him, a sorrowful whine escapes your mouth, clear enough to be heard by Jungkook.

“y/n? Baby, what happened?, Are you sure you’re okay?” the worried tone of his voice encouraging you to pick yourself together and just tell him why you called, why you are being ripped apart. Words are hard, words are scary, the truth is scary; the past, the present, the future too. And all the waves of thoughts ending up rendering you unable to form a sentence, so you just shook your head. On the other side, Jungkook chuckles softly.

“You have to speak baby…” the pet-name squeezing your heart.

“Jungkook…” you say hesitant, and he notices. “Jungkook th-…” you cry out, stammering the next words.

“What is it?” he enquires, this time the casualness of his voice changing, a much more rigid, yet quake ring to it.

You breathe in and out. He knows. It is clear on the silence he keeps while waiting for you to answer. So you just decide to pronounce those terribly soul-ripping words, those words that have your future seal forever.

“It arrived…”

It could’ve been seconds; minutes, hours until Jungkook spoke again.

“How long ago?” his raspy voice, finally asks.

Gulping, you reply “3 hours...”, biting the inside of your cheeks.

You could almost see like if he is right in front of you, how Jungkook on the other side silently nods and purses his lips into a thin line, a habit he always haves whenever he is pondering.

“Okay, I’m taking a shower and then I’ll pick you up…yes?” on his side, you hear a hasty ruffling of clothes and the zipping of what you assume is his gym bag. “I’ll take like...30 minutes to get there”

“No...” you respond, without hesitation. Jungkook comes to a halt, confused at your negation “I mean,um...I’ll go to your place better, wait up there- okay?” the sentence came out weak from your lips, on the other side of the line he remained mute. ”Kook?” you call.

“Sure” He simply answers, after you say his name. No sentiment on his voice, more like an automatic reply.

“Then, see you there…” you hang up, too scared to say the next word.

The hand that's holding your phone dropping onto your lap. Unlike before, now, you didn't felt like meeting him, What would you say in any case? What’s next?. Numb, you stand up from your bed and collect your things from the desk, then you search for your bag and a warm jacket, to take them with. Inside one of the drawers of your bureau, there is a small wooden box with paper tape, black marker letter that says ‘out of here', where you kept a lot of money— well...not a lot, but in a future you hoped to have enough money to pay yourself for a trip. Jungkook had given it to you as a present, one of the first times you began to hang around. Throughout time, that small box,- filled with money for your trip- stopped being solely for your savings, since... as you got closer and closer with Jungkook, both agreed to gather even more money so you both could do that trip together. But that wouldn't matter now; So you grab the piece of wood and shove it inside your bag. On your way out, your eyes travel again and glance at the piece of paper above your nightstand. ‘How strange how something so insignificant and feeble could mean so much’ spitefully you reach for it and grab it. ‘How strange it could break something so strong, so easily.’ grudgingly nevertheless you take it with you as well- throwing it inside the bag.

Inwardly, you think -as you leave the apartment complex you live in- on how much of a relief it is the fact that you don’t live with your parents currently, since otherwise, they would've spend these last 48 hours celebrating around you-which is the last thing you need right now. Heading down to the bus stop, you finally admire all the colors and sounds that surround you; the green of the grass, the red stop signs, the worn out yellow of the sidewalk pavement, the blue of the sky, the soft sound of the breeze that caresses your face. No... you didn't admire it; that is the wrong word. Fast enough, the bus stops and you hop on it. It isn't crowded, lucky for you - if that even can be considered luck- there is a couple of people sitting in silence looking through the window, and some school girls at the back of the bus, staring down at their phones; you take a seat in the middle looking at the window, reflective. Lifting your chin up and closing your eyes, you embrace how the sun shines down on your face; blinding and warming. Behind you, the noise of chattering that comes from the girls at the back perk your ears in attention.

“He is so cute…” one of them excitedly claims. “Wouldn’t it be completely charming if he turns out to be my soulmate?”

They all giggle in unison. “Unlikely…” another, declares. “You will get an old and wrinkly soulmate, I bet…” the rest laughs, this time louder.

“Shut up” the first girl giggles, embarrassed. “Even if it is so I don’t care will be my soulmate...so they will be the one”

You scrunch your nose at that statement. The bus, crosses over a speed bump too fast, jerking you off your seat. The girls behind screech surprise.

“You say that now Solar, but...what if they happened to be someone unexpected? Hmm?” the second girl suggests. “Like—a girl~?” she teases, cooing.

The first girl (Solar) Insists. “Again, It’s the one, so it’ll be okay…”

It was a costume, that some people refused to date anyone, mainly -you guess- in fear of falling for someone who wasn't right; the one-as the girl refers to. When you were younger, you thought people didn't date because of some prude habit, like…’reserving for only your soulmate’ but growing up, you personally preferred not to just for the simple fact that it was way too much to worry about, and that teenagers only want to have ‘fuck buddies’ or casual sex and all that jazz, which, it wasn't bad at all, but just not your thing.

After you reach your 18’s, automatically you enter to the list of the“Pairing Center” so they can find your soulmate. It’s all a fucking lottery to be completely honest, because you are not exclusively paired with someone your own age,no, you can get literally anyone; sometimes older, sometimes your age, sometimes younger, sometimes your same gender.

But you get the perfect match for you, emotionally, biologically and mentally. No one knows how it works, but this matching system has been there always. And it was illegal to not accept the soulmate they choose for you.

Literally there was no escape from it, because if you try, they would just arrest you, take you to the center and make you open the envelope.

There was never such a case- At least that was known to the public.

So it was the good way or the good way.

The phone buzzes on your pocket; taking it out, you see it's a message from your mom.

Mom: Hey pumpkin, how is your day going?

It fucking sucks, mom- You think. Sighing, you close the conversation and put the phone away again, telling yourself you’ll reply to her later. Looking outside again, you take particular notice of the people laughing, then students fooling around and chortling, oblivious of how messed up their life will get, their lives are. How completely indifferent their situation is to yours, How can they all drip vivid colors, of youth and hope when all you have right now is only despair and fear? How dare they? No. How dare you. How dare you put yourself, in this situation. How dare you put him, in this situation. How dare you both, to be so unbelievably selfish at placing the other in this situation.

“Fuck us!” you exclaim, at no one. One of the people at the front, a guy about your same age, with a polka dots umbrella got out of its trance to look back at you with a grimace, apparently, you disturbed him, nodding apologetically you look away again. You see the bus turn in a corner; you arrive at the stop. Walking up to the buzzer to get down, you push it and wait for the door to open, once you are on the street you grab your phone again to answer the text.

You: I’m fine! Busy studying...talk to you later, love you, mom!

After hitting send, you make way to the corner of the street to turn around. You feel a push on your back that makes you stumble a little forward.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” an unknown voice apologizes.

You wave and smile nonchalantly. “It’s nothing, don’t worry”

“Are you sure? Is your leg okay?” looking up, you notice is the polka dot umbrella guy. “Yeah, don’t stress…” you chuckle, walking away from him, not interested in meaningless small chat “Bye!” your steps quicken, not concerned about being rude. It’s not like you’re going to see him again anyway.

You hear he speaks a little more, but you turn a deaf ear and continue walking.

The neighborhood is quiet, not anyone other than you and the sound of your own footsteps on the pavement. The anticipation of meeting Jungkook making you bite the inside of your cheeks, your heart beating faster with each step that gets you closer to his apartment, you don’t know how things would go from now on. You doubt that he is in anyway mad at you, or that he would reject you -but even if he did, he’d have all the right to. You hope to transition these -looking at the clock- 44 hours with him, but even if he doesn’t want to, you just need closure; a word a gesture, or anything to wrap up this part of your life. You reach the outside of the building, climbing the steps up you directly go to press the button of his apartment, you wait for a reply but instead only the hum of the door being open reverberates; He knows it's you. Letting yourself in, you hop on the elevator and again press the number on the console. Your breaths quicken and your heart want to jump off your chest, pressing a hand over it, you persuade it into calming down. The elevator doors open; you step off and walk down the hall to his door.

5:06 PM. 44 hours.

Gathering strength, you raise a fist to knock on the door, but he opens it first.

A stinging sensation in the pit of your stomach rises when the door opens; slowly, almost teasingly. Jungkook stands before you, It's weird, but your breath hitches once your gazes cross. A musk of shower soap mix with his usual deodorant fragrance invades you. For a simple second your heart feels at home again, and all this terribly sad thoughts you have are wash away with it. He is wearing a black comfy hoodie, so worn out that the color has a grayish tone and looks baggy, some casual dark jeans, and gray slip-on. He remains there, holding the door, motionless, just staring at you; It's hard to decipher what are his thoughts at the moment. Returning the intense stare, you notice his eyes are a little puffy, and there is a faint tint of redness inside the waterline of his eyes. Was he crying before you arrived?. You look down, forcing yourself to break eye contact “Hi Kook” you croon, lightly. Jungkook coughs and sniffs, out of his trance. “Hey y/n”

This is so awkward.

“Come in,” he finishes. Accepting his offering, you enter the apartment and walk a few steps, behind he closes the door; you heard another small sniffle.

“I bought some food,” he mentions, walking past you. “But we gotta cook.”

You arch one eyebrow suspicious “Kook? We don’t know how to cook, we can’t cook” you giggle, highlighting the word ‘can't’ since you both tried that before, and ended in a complete mess.

Jungkook’s gesture softens. “I know,” he chuckles “but maybe we should give it another try…” he shrugs grinning, dedicating that charming smile he knows can get anything out of you.

You roll your eyes “Fine, let’s try it...it’ll be fun” taking off your bag and jacket, you automatically drop them on the usual spot and walk to the small kitchen.

Jungkook follows behind.

The apartment itself is not small,- except for the kitchen- it has an open concept, which makes it look bigger than it truly is; a wide set of windows lets the light of day enter, making the place a lot more bright, the living room has a grey “L” shape couch -Jungkook use also as bed, when he got home tired-, a wide screen tv with of a gaming console; a set of stairs resting against one of the walls that led to a mezzanine -where the actual bed is- and the bathroom.

Getting to work, you see the two bags of groceries over the counter. Inspecting them, you take all the ingredients out of it. You have absolutely no idea of what Jungkook wants to do, since there is a lot of random things inside the shopping bag, like tomato sauce, honey, some little spice bags, bacon, lettuce, carrots, noodles, some ribs, grilled meat, milk, flour, and a lot of other things. You look back at him confuse once you got nearly all of them out, your brain unable to gather what he has in mind.

“What are we doing? These are the most random groceries “ you chuckle, continuing your task.

“I don’t know...anything” Jungkook scratches his elbow, half shrugging. “We could do some pasta? Or..the ribs?” he suggests, eyes sparkling at the last one.

You nod “Alright then,” you agree, grabbing the sauce, noodles, meat, and carrots. “Let’s do both, we have enough ingredients” you giggle, placing the rest of the groceries away. “Turn on the stove and put the grilling pan, please” you request of him.

Jungkook takes action and moves accordingly to your orders. The stove is on the opposite side of him, placing a hand on your hip he pushes you slightly to pass behind you. His touch -ever so gentle- petrified you, electricity run down your spine to where his hand is placed, but too soon the feeling is gone again leaving a ghostly sensation behind; an emptiness. Outside, Jungkook hasn't noticed what his simple action elicits in you. Shaking your head you return to the real world and open the ribs tray.

Jungkook next to you turns the stove and places the flat pan over it. “Done, chef” he let out, cheery.

“Perfect, my aboyer” you answer, in like manner.

Jungkook snorts “What is that?”

“No idea, I just heard the term on a tv show” you gave a half smile. Hovering a hand over the pan, you test if it's hot enough for the meat.

“I see, so you look at kitchen shows, but still you can’t cook?” Jungkook simpers, tilting his head.

You place the meat over the pan, the corner of your mouth curving up “So you had all this tutoring class... and yet you can’t math to save your life?”

Jungkook opens his mouth to come back at you, but chose to close it instead “Touché” he replies, clicking his tongue.

With a shake of your head, you brag about your victory. Jungkook turns and half sat on the counter, crossing his arms. The meat begins to sizzle, you remember Jungkook had bought sauce and some carrots, thinking it would be a good idea to peel, cut and throw them along with the meat, you turn around to search for them; both ingredients are behind Jungkook’s on the table. Carefully, since the room is narrow, you turn around to go and get the carrots “Excuse Moi” you say, arms squeezing to your chest. Jungkook didn't move and inch, so you simply just carry on and reach a hand snaking it behind him. Suddenly you feel a soft pressure on your back that takes you off balance causing you to fall over Jungkook’s chest with a light “Oomph”. His head leans over yours without hesitation, arms tightening,enveloping in a silent and hug. Releasing your trapped arms, you slip them behind him and clutch on his black hoodie, through the fabric you could feel how his heart and yours pumping rapidly; hungry to get closer. Jungkook is too, longing for you. Undoubtedly your head took its place, hiding in the curve of his neck, taking in his scent. Anyone who would have seen the scene from outside would think that you two had not seen each other in years, but the truth is the opposite, you both knew you'd never see each other again. Not like this anyway. You want him, only him, always. His grip on you never falters, and neither did yours on him. You remember those old books you read long ago, about twisted stories of tragic lovers, and how you use to laugh sardonically at the thought of two people so helplessly infatuated they commit the most unthinkable actions. You heard a little ginger and feeble sniff, that came from Jungkook. Softly you push him away, curving your back, still leaning against him. Little droplets of tears stain your cheeks, lifting your chin to meet his eyes you see the cute puffy bags under his eyes also dripping tears down his face.

“I’m sorry…” he speaks, weakly. With the soft part of the palm of his hand Jungkook cleans some tears away, sniffing again and sobbing; his reddening dark eyes looking up to meet yours.

“I’m not…” you reply. Jungkook looks at you with half lidded eyes, his hands cupping your face, cleaning the wetness of your tears with his thumbs, delicately. Until now you haven’t paid attention to the intense sizzling of the food you left cooking.

You hawk. “The ribs will burn” with a gesture of your head you point to the pan.

“I don’t care—” he grunts, gulping harshly “We'll get some takeout” he finishes, his voice low and raspy.

You nod.

06: 55 PM. 43 hours.

The pizza was delicious. You ordered from the same place every time you were at Jungkook’s- by far, you would say that it’s your favorite. The owner already knew you two, and always added to the order, maybe a couple of sodas or a little delicacy. You insisted on walking to the place- which is like 4 blocks away- but Jungkook insisted on it being delivered; eventually, you agreed and waited for the delivery. Right now the two let yourself flop on the living room sofa, bellies too full of that delicious pizza to even move a muscle.

Jungkook glances at you, rubbing over his stomach “What shall we do now?” he enquires.

You blink twice “Regret over asking for double cheese top”

“Agree…” he acknowledges, letting out a long sigh.

You both chuckle.

“Mmmm—” you ponder. “Maybe we could play some video games? You know, to exercise” you suggest, tilting your head.

Jungkook grins, his eyes turning into half crescents. “DONKEY KONG!” he bellowed, excitedly.

-

10:00 PM. 39 hours

“My butt is numb...” you mutter, rubbing over the fabric of your denim. Checking the phone you saw the hour “Dude! We've been playing for three hours!” you glare at Jungkook, whose eyes are devoid of life, clicking at the controller. “Jungkook?” you call snapping fingers right in front of him.

Nothing.

“Jungkook!” you call louder.

He blinks, scrunching his eyes shut, “Oh god, it burns…” he whines, blinking repeatedly. “I always forget to blink…”

“I always forget how intense you get when you play video games” you giggle.

“Hey…” he lifts his finger, pointing at you amused. “My intenseness kicked your butt”

“It’s a co-op game!” you articulate.

“And still you got rekt” he lifts his shoulder in a half shrug.

You click your tongue unbelieving of his arrogance “ Well then kick me again right now because I can’t feel my meats” you joke, perking your butt towards him playfully.

Jungkook laughs wholeheartedly, goofily raising a hand and pretending to slap your butt for it to wake up “Survive!” he pleads. “It needs CPR!” Jungkook yells.

“Wait, what?!” you blink, surprise. Does he means...? Jungkook tackles you down over the sofa, laying you belly down “What the fuck...” you giggle nervously.

He gets on his knees -closer to the ass area- looking at you.“Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing” He raises one eyebrow, acting smug.

“Do you now?” you question. Jungkook puts his hands on fists and rubs them together, making believe they are a defibrillator. You guffaw at his silliness.

“Clear!” he shouts, leaning his first over your butt cheeks and ‘shocking’ them. “Clear!” he repeats.

After a good laugh you sit back again looking his way, he still on his knees. “You blob, for a moment there I thought you were gonna do something else…” you punch his chest lightly.

“Eh?” he looks at you confused, tilting his head. “Like what…?”

You snort “Something...nastier”

“You thought I was gonna blow your ass?!” his eyes got wide as plates. “My god y/n, you are so dirty” Jungkook shakes his head.

“Shut up!” you punch his chest again. “You said CPR! I didn’t know we were on a fricking emergency room, with a defibrillator and all...”

“Only the best for your butt,” he says gallantly.

“Brat” you let out, scoffing.

Jungkook smiles, snaking one of his arms around your shoulders, smoothly pulling you closer to him so your backs are resting against the sofa. He slides his free hand underneath your tight, pulling it up signaling for you to hop on the sofa; Obediently you move, thus now you are lying on the couch. Jungkook joins, resting himself flat next to you. You snake an arm around his waist lazily, propping your head up to be nuzzling against his chest.

He holds you tighter, suspiring “This is nice…”

You do the same “Yeah”

It feels right. A warmth spreads through your body, a fulfilling sensation floods your chest. Where I belong. You say inwardly. You felt secure and joyful; but also powerless and terrified. For the briefest of moments, you forgot about why you are cuddling with Jungkook. It's the same, like many other times; but it's somehow also different. You start to draw circles over the fabric of his hoodie with one of your fingers, lifting your chin your try to peek to meet his eyes; but they are closed. His features look peaceful, chest heaving with even breaths.He looks ravishingly beautiful; his lips twisting into a smile, cheeks tainted with a light red, some of the locks of his wavy messy hair gently stroked his forehead. It feels wrong. Not until now you fell into account of your actions, on how selfish you had been at wanting to keep him just for yourself while keeping this charade of lovers. From the moment it started you knew its wrong, and risky. You always knew.

Love is a dangerous drug- You recite. Love. That word again.

Has it ever escaped your mouth accidentally? How...you felt for him?. Your mind backtracked, memories coming alive of one time when Jungkook almost said it.

“What?” He mumbled you hand over his mouth.

“Don’t say it!” You blurted.

“Why? Why can’t I say it?” He argues, a little annoyed.

“Because…” you try to think an excuse “Because…” you stammer

“Because you don’t feel the same.” He finishes for you.

“No!” You belted “That’s not it Kook.”

“y/n...it’s easier if you say the truth” Jungkook looks away, jaw clenched obviously disturbed at your stuttering.

You both are sitting on the edge of a small wall, behind, a little convenience store you often frequented. From there you can have a perfect view of how the sun sets on the horizon. Jungkook had just kissed you for the first time, and you kissed him back. Only your lips had touched, both too scared and inexperienced, it was sloppy, but also gentle, and needy; It was absolutely perfect. For the first time ever you felt alive, really alive. You finally understood the “butterflies in your tummy” sensation you always read about, but never experienced, the sensation like you could burst spontaneously into flames and still be grateful. After separating you both opened your eyes, petrified, staring deeply into each other. Jungkook licked his lips coyly, you looked down at his lips, wanting to reach out for them again but too fearful of the limits you were breaking. But he opened his mouth, hastily saying those three words you dread the most- until you stopped him. And here you were, he was mad probably. Who wouldn’t....

You messed up.

“Jungkook…” You began, he scoffed turning his head. Biting your lower lip, unsure if to leave it be or insist. You start again “Jungkook...I-” You repeated, but he pretended not to listen, okay he was now being a little annoying. “What the fuck do you want me to say?” you shout out, protesting.

Jungkook turned around baffled, lifting one eyebrow “Excuse me?”

You frowned, was he really being this childish?“You heard me,” said confronting “What the fuck do you want me to say huh? That I feel the same? Why?” you wave your arms around “What good is it if I confess to you or not?, Do you think that means anything in the end?” your voice raised, scolding. Jungkook remained silent looking at you, so you continued. “So let’s say I do say those words back… then oh no, a letter arrives at your doorstep, and guess what-” you clap as if you just delivered a magic trick “it’s a blue seal, and oh no- guess what...IT’S NOT ME WHO YOU SEE 48 HOURS LATER” you swallow harshly, mouth running dry “And then what? What did those words mean?...I CAN’T SAY THEM BECAUSE EVEN IF I DO FEEL THEM JUNGKOOK-” Your voice faltered, a knot forming in your throat, tears in your eyes. “Even...If I do” you wailed “Even if I do...and you- if we- are not…” you looked at him, the water of your eyes making your vision blurry “Even if we say it now, later when it’s not- it would sound like a lie” you sobbed, cleaning the dampness with the back of your hand, breath hitching. “I don’t want it to seem like a lie” you bemoaned. Next to you, Jungkook rose to his feet, jumping off the edge of the wall and walking to be in front of you, spreading your legs apart and placing them to each side of his waist, he closes the distance embracing your teary self in a comforting hug. You hide your face on his chest.

“It’s not a lie” he assures you, in a quiet whispery tone. “It can never be a lie...” he adds, caressing the back of your head soothingly.

You grab onto the hem of his shirt and pull him in, enveloping your arms around his waist entangling them behind his back.

“I’m sorry…” Jungkook rocks from one side to the other. “y/n I’m so sorry…”

“I’m sorry too…” you cry.

“You don’t have to say anything…” Jungkook brings you back to lock gazes with you “I just want you...right now”

“Jungkook-” you start, but he quickly places his index finger over your lips.

“No, just...let the future be, We don't have to do anything, or say anything, I just need you like this, by my side, nothing else.”

You nod, cupping his cheeks and caressing them, he keeps his hold on you; unwavering. “Kiss me again…” you croaked. “And then- kiss me again..”

Jungkook leaned down to you, and he’s kissing you. Once, twice, until you had a taste and realize It’ll never be enough.

Now here you both are. That distant future is happening. Now.

You look at the screen on the television

10:30 PM.

“What are you looking at?” Jungkook opens his eyes, finding you blankly staring back at him.

You shake you head “Nothing”

He chuckles “You are supposed to say ‘the most handsome man of the milky way’ y/n” he complains, smugly rolling his eyes.

You lift one eyebrow amused “Why restrain yourself to the milky way?”

“Because ‘the most handsome man of the universe’ is a little unrealistic bro” he explains.

“You are hardly the most handsome man in this room” you countered.

Jungkook blinks shocked, holding his chest pretending to be outraged. “Pardon?”

“Yeah,” you point to the screen of the television “Donkey Kong is daddy material bro. See how strong he is, his expensive and neat red tie, also how much coins he has...” you say imposing a sexy voice while describing it.

Jungkook who is looking at the screen turns his eyes to you, narrowing them and scrunching his nose, apparently disgusted “oh,y/n” he clicks his tongue disappointed, suddenly when he turns to the screen once again his features go back to normal and tilts his head “Wait...you have a good point though, he ripped too” he adds nodding.

“I'm always right” you sing.

Jungkook chuckles “You are…”

His words resonating deep inside your mind.

11:47 PM. 38 hours.

“I should take a bath!” you shout, after sipping from the glass on your hand. Jungkook is upstairs cleaning the mess on the bag he uses for the gym.

“Why are you advertising it?” He answers, shouting as well. “Just go and take one”

Well, you aren't just hawking it around, the truth is you need clothes. Before, when you left the apartment you forgot to take some with you, something silly from your part since you are spending a whole 48 hours away and you must, at some point, bathe.

You climb up the stairs to explain the situation to him. "I mean, I need to borro-" you stop mid-sentence once you reach the top, petrified by the image. Jungkook is at the bottom of the bed, unfolding a white t-shirt -only his jeans on- his upper body displayed for your delight; The perfectly toned and marked muscles of his wide back twitching with each move he made, fumbling the fabric to spread it open.

“Borro-?” he inquires,turning around towards you.Your jaw must have slacked because he smirks cockily your way.

The ‘S’ curve of his back left your mouth dry as you travel your eyes down. Gulping- probably audible- and blink repeatedly, you try to remember how to gather words to build a sentence

“Borro-...Borrow-...” you stammer, scanning him from head to toe. Is his skin glowing? “Borrow some clothes” you finish, forcing yourself to look away.

“Oh, alright...here,” Jungkook says, throwing the t-shirt he had on his hands- which of course you didn't see until it's over your head.

“Thanks.” you reply, getting it off your head.

“No problem, do you also need pants?” he queries,walking to the wardrobe.

“No, it’s fine.” you finish, answering almost robotically. Your eyes trail back to the curve of his back, there are some small bacne scars, probably from his younger years, it's weird, but you only found that more charming.

Jungkook peeks from above his shoulder, “y/n this is hardly the first time you see me without a shirt” he snorts.

He's right, you never got intimate with Jungkook, but you would often wait for him to get back from the gym or training in his apartment, and saw him walking around with his bare torso, or he would change -like he so often did- his t-shirt anywhere if he thought it is too dirty. You blink twice “Oh no, I know,” you tilt your head “But man, Ive must have missed some after-gym-class 'cause damn Jungkook…” you walk closer to him, he turns around showing his chest.“You have some muscles…”

Your compliments do not go unnoticed, and he takes an opportunity to scratch his head innocently grinning, and flexes his bicep. “Yeah, I kinda do.”

Fucking tease.

“You know what they say about false modesty brat?” You scold, pinching one of his nipples jokingly.

“Ouch!” He blurts, pretending to be offended.

“Bye bye!” you waved, walking to the bathroom.

After turning the faucet for the tub and letting the lukewarm water run, you decided which bath bomb, from the little basket Jungkook had, you would use this time. You absolutely adore all the different fragrances he buys, some fruity and some more flowery. As a joke, you once sneakily dropped a glittery bath bomb after he left the tub running, resulting in a very sparkly -and very pissed- Jeon Jungkook. That memory is dear to you, and you are sure it would remain always there so you can look back at it lovingly anytime you needed it. You stared at the water rising, concentrating on the sound and the bubbles the water makes at the end of the stream, where it touches the surface. Why are you talking like he is already gone? Why are you talking like he will disappear? Blank from all thoughts, spacing out, you lift one of your legs entering the tub, the fabric getting soak since you are still fully dress.

Will that happen thought? Will I simply forget about him? About all, we did together?

Slowly, you crouch to sit down; your jeans completely damp, the water rising due to your weight, and wetting your shirt; hugging your legs, you bring them closer to your chest.

No, I’m not gonna forget, Not at least the actions…but I’m gonna forget how he makes me feel, won’t I? I’m gonna forget the butterflies, I’m gonna forget the tickling he leaves over my skin every time he touches me; how bad it burns.

The water begins to drip over the edge of the tub.

I’m gonna forget how the world turns and disappears when he graces his lips over mine, how my heart hurts whenever he chuckles because I’m too weak, and I grab his shirt pulling him in despising the none existent, and yet, very present distance between us.

It falls down onto the tiles of the floor, but you can’t hear it.

How my heart jumps on my chest every time he smiles at me.

The sound of the water flushing, blurs in the back of your mind.Gradually slithering down the door.

I’m gonna forget how much I always need him. How much he means to me.

You slide down, slowly, the polished material of the tub offering no resistance, until your head is completely under the water.

I’m gonna forget…

Your eyes close.

I’m gonna forget…

Then, a knock on the door.

I’m gonna forget…

The knocks repeat and repeat, more intensely, more aggressive, and there’s a voice…too muffled to bring you back from the reverie.

I’m gonna forget…

How much I love him…

The water around you stirs.

Cold strikes suddenly, and your body is lifting from the blanket of water, your eyes open and your mind wakes up from the disheartening vile cycle that’s going through.

Taking a deep, and long breath, the air enters your lungs painfully. You are aware of everything happening, you can hear the water dripping from your clothes, the faucet still running, the big “flop” of waves behind you when you are taken from the tub.

And Jungkook, shouting your name.

“y/n!” he wails “y/n!” he repeats desperately, calling for you. “y/n! What the fuck are you trying to do?”

He is holding you in his arms, eyes moving rapidly along your face.

You stare at him, completely confused in your daze.

He is angry, you can tell by the wrinkle that is formed between his eyebrows, but also, his features are filled with anguish, eyes teary and his mouth trembles while saying your name.

“Jungkook…” your voice weak and feeble. ‘I love you’ You confess inwardly.

“Jesus fucking Christ y/n…what were you thinking?!” He scolds.

Carefully he steps back, carrying you outside the flooded bathroom.

You can’t see the mess, but you can hear, even after you are being moved to the bedroom, some light splash of water on the floor.

You lift your chin, eyes focused on his teary features. I love you. I love you. I love you.

You chant, while your head rests against his shoulder.

Jungkook kneels, bending over to leave you on the floor. You are still in shock.

I love you.I love you.I love you.

You lift your sight to meet his watery eyes “wait here” he commands, between sobs. He leaves you alone.

I must tell him.

In a blink, he returns with a towel and leaves it over your shoulders- not until now you notice how they are shaking.

“y/n” he calls, choking, unable to control his emotions. “y/n, can you hear me?” You nod slowly.

I must tell him.

“good...y/n, you have to dry yourself, okay?” he continues, talking haltingly.

You look up to him and lock gazes.

Should I tell him?

“Baby...” you heart clenches with his words. “baby, tell me you understand what I’m saying…” Jungkook is cupping your cheeks, looking for a signal of catching his instruction.

You nod.

I can’t tell him.

Jungkook nods back and leaves again.

Absently your hands move to grab the towel and start to dry yourself. You bring it to your face, wiping the drops falling on your face.

I can’t tell him because it’s not fair.

You bite the towel, burying your face in it.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

You bite harder.

I can’t tell him, cause if I do, then it’ll be selfish… I’m leaving him, behind. It’s my fault…I should have told him before, but I’m such a fucking coward. I was scared to be hurt and now I’m scared to hurt him, cause I know it would hurt him.

Cause I’m hurting too…

You know Jungkook is returning, his heavy steps vibrating on the floor.

Isn't there anything I can do?

“y/n?” He calls, calmer than before. “You are still wet…” You can't see him, cause if you do...you will cry. Silently he takes a sit next to you.

“y/n, what happened?” he asks, genuine concern on his tone.

Maybe… You look up, slowly lifting your face from the towel, your eyes scanning all the way up to his face. His head tilted, waiting for you to convey a word to him. “y/n…” he repeats, softer. “Make love to me.” you blurt out, determined. Jungkook mouth goes slack. “What?” his eyes, wide as plates, looking you in awe.

“Make love to me, Jungkook”

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