On a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again, part 1
Prompt : “I haven’t seen you since we were kids ! How did you even recognize me ?”
Words : 4 793
Author’s note : This series was written for the writing challenge celebrating @bionic-buckyb‘s 5K.
Warnings : Mentions of death, sadness, funerals.
Song of the title : Begin Again - Taylor Swift
Masterlist - Series masterlist
Part 2 - Part 3
1997
I rush to the backyard of the Barnes family without paying attention to my dad calling my name. Even before he reaches the door, I’m already starting to climb the ladder to Bucky’s tree house, tears in my eyes making the world blurry around me. I perfectly know the way up there, so I can almost do it with eyes closed. I hear the front door opening, the light thud of the bag my dad is carrying hitting the ground and the door closing. Mrs Barnes might know by now, but Bucky doesn’t.
Bucky, or rather James Buchanan Barnes and I, it’s a long story. We were born the same year, in the same hospital, Bucky two days before me. Our mothers were in the same bedroom and became friends that way. Bucky’s mom, Winifred, was supposed to be out two days after my birth, but as she has been sick, she and Bucky stayed and went out same day as my mom and I. At this moment, the hospital where our respective mothers gave birth to each other had some furniture’s problems and Bucky and I had to share a crib during our staying there. As Brian my elderly brother said us once : “You were already holding hand when you were barely born”. We were kinda known as the lovebirds babies in the hospital. And that was naturally that our families continued to see each other and stayed friends.
When I finally reach the entrance of the tree house, the first thing I spot through my watering eyes, is my best friend, lying on the wooden floor, absentmindedly fixing the roof. The last step of the ladder squeaks under my feet, making his head turn to me. “Hey doll, what’s up ?” Usually, that nickname makes me smile. He started to call me that after a party we went when we were five. Our parents took us there, our respective grandpas were there for a veterans' reunion of WWII soldiers. When James heard an old man call a waitress doll, he started to call me doll too and it stayed. “I’m not in the mood, Bucky.” Bucky, another nickname that comes from our youngest years. Before we went to preschool, our moms wanted us to know our complete names. If it was easy for me and that I managed to pronounce Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N correctly from the first time, James was awful at it. Saying James Buchanan Barnes seemed to be hard for him, he was always stumbling on ‘Buchanan’. “Come on, James, that’s not hard”, Winifred said. “James Buchanan Barnes. Come on, say it again.” “James Buckynan Barnes.” “Buckynan”, I burst out laughing. “Buckynan”, I had tears in my eyes. “Stop it !”, he pouted, while I was still giggling. “Bucky”, I suddenly said. And it stayed, Bucky. I crawl in the tree house and sit cross-legged on the floor, my gaze lost in the distance, on the verge of tears. Bucky sits up and slides next to me before putting an arm around my shoulders. “Y/N, tell me, what’s going on ?”, he asks, lifting my chin to stare into my eyes. “My mom and brother had a car accident”, I finally sigh after a few minutes. “My dad is with your mother right now, mom and Brian are at the hospital. I don’t know what’s gonna happen Bucky”, I say, crying for good. He wraps his other arm around me and pulls me on his lap, holding me against him. “Hey, hey, shush, I’m here, I’m with you, you know that”, I nod against his shoulder. “I still have the gummy bears we hide last week, do you want some ?”, I nod again and Bucky rises on his feet before helping me to rise on mine. He grabs the candies, and we sit on the edge of the tree house on a sort of balcony that George, Bucky’s father, built, our legs hanging in the air, the candy box between us, Bucky’s left-hand holding my right one. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but our silent tranquility is disturbed by a voice shouting our names downstairs. We look down and see Rebecca, Bucky’s little sister. “What do ya want Becca ?”, Bucky shouts back to her. “Mister Y/L/N is leaving, he wants to talk to Y/N before he leaves.” We both sigh before rising on our feet. Bucky takes me the corner the tree house balcony where there was a sort of goods lifts for us to go down. He grabs the bucket and the rope, motioning to me to climb in it with me. “No Buck, last time we wanted to do that, Steve broke his arm”, I remind him. “That’s because Steve was too light for it. Come on doll, do you trust me ?”, he responds. “Of course I do.” “So come on.” He grabs my hand and pulls me to him, flush to his body. I cling on him, eyes tightly shut. Bucky makes the rope slide slowly in its roller, and we land on the dry land. “You’re doing like in Robin Hood”, Rebecca chuckles. “You’re like Marian and Robin.” I open my eyes and look up at Bucky. We’re still in the bucket, his arms are still around me and I’m still flushed to his body. I feel my cheek heat up and when Bucky’s gaze crosses mine, he blushes. We pull away from each other when I hear my father calling for me. “I’m going to the hospital to see what’s going on with your mother and brother, I know they were going to operate them, and I want you to stay here with the Barnes. I’ll call you later tonight”, he states, kissing my forehead before leaving. I had no news from my dad until the end of the next day, when he called Mrs Barnes to tell her my brother and mother were going to surgery. Then, in the middle of the night, he called again, this time, Mr Barnes answered, the phone ring woke me and I sneaked out from the mattress they put in Rebecca’s room to hear something. All I heard was whispers and then some gasps when Mr Barnes got back to his bedroom and repeated to his wife what my dad said. Realizing that I wouldn’t know what was going on, I got back to bed and fall asleep in seconds, still shook by the day’s events. When I get up this morning, the Barnes’ home atmosphere is heavy, no one dares to talk. I take a seat next to Bucky who grabs my hand in his, squeezing it lightly. Still silent, Mrs Barnes puts down a hot cocoa bowl in front of me, with slice of bread and jars of jam, peanut butter, chocolate spread and butter in the middle of the table. “Eat kids”, are the only words going out of her mouth. A part of the morning passes in silence, Rebecca silently plays with her toys in the living room while Bucky and I are sitting on the couch, his hand barely left mine since breakfast. TV is playing but none of us is paying attention, I don’t really realize when it happened but my head eventually lies on Bucky’s shoulder, his arm around mine when the bell rings. Mrs Barnes walks to the door and from the distance I hear her talking to my father, I recognize his voice from the front door to the living room, even if I can’t here what he’s saying. Footsteps are coming to us and my dad appears in the door frame, eyes red and signs of a sleepless night on his face. “Hi Mr Y/L/N”, Bucky says looking up at him, his arm still around my shoulders and hand holding mine. “Hello James”, my dad answers. “May I talk to my daughter alone please”, he asks quietly. Bucky gets up from the couch letting my body go, after he helps me to rise on my feet, whispering into my ear a little 'are you gonna be okay ?’ that I just answer by a nod. He kisses my forehead and gives my hand a last squeeze before leaving the room, Rebecca on his heels. I run into my father’s arms, instinctively wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug. He pushes me back, and crouches on the floor to look deeply into my eyes, the same hazelnut as my mom and brother, none of us has his eyes. “Y/N, baby, I’ll need you to be very brave. What I have to tell you is really hard”, he states, looking away from me. He takes a big breath before adding, “My darling, your mother and brother had surgery last night, your mom died during the operation.” Tears start to burn the edges of my eyes while I’m trying to process what he’s telling me. “What… What… What a..about Brian ?”, I ask him, hoping that my brother is safe and sound. “Brian”, he responds, swallowing his saliva, “Brian, the operation went well last night, and he was well and awake this morning, he suddenly complained about a huge pain in his chest. It was his heart, they opened again but, they couldn’t do anything. There's just the two of us now baby.” “No, it can’t be, mom and Brian are okay, they are okay, they’re going to come back in a few days”, I say, walking backwards until my back bumps in the wall, tears rolling down for good this time. My legs are not carrying me anymore and I slide against the wall and sit on the wooden floor of the Barnes’ living room, my knees to my chest, screaming, eyes shut, covering my ears like a little kid. The next thing I feel is a pair of arms around me cradling my body back and forth, soft hair caressing the side of my head, a nose rubbing my cheek, lips murmuring soft words on my skin. I know to whom the body I’m pressed to belong, it’s Bucky’s, it’s always him, the boy who leaves and who’s ready to anything and everything for me, Bucky who’s always been there for me, no matter what. “Breath, breath, I’m here, I promise you it’s gonna be okay”, I feel his mouth and hot breath on my cheekbones. So I do what he says, I take a few deep breath and try to calm down. I open my eyes and turn my head to his, our foreheads leaning into each other, eyes staring at each other. “We’re alone”, he tells me after a few minutes. “My mom took your father outside, said I was the only one who could calm you now.” I don’t say a word, leaning more into Bucky’s touch, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet peppermint scent. After a few minutes, I lift my head again and my full of tears gaze find his stunning stormy blue one once again. And that’s when I realize what I want right now, is to kiss him, it’s not the moment, nor the place, but, that’s what I want and I don’t know how I can want that at that moment. And when I think I’m gonna make a move, it’s actually Bucky who makes it, his lips press to mine in a chaste and innocent kiss.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have”, he hastily says. “We should see what your dad has planned for now.” He gets up and helps me to get on my feet. We enter the kitchen when my father is telling Winifred that he has some papers to sign and things to organize and that I’ll have to stay here for a few days. During the next few days, Bucky and I don’t talk about that kiss and I try to focus on something else than my loss. Everyone started to treat me different at school, the only one who treats me as usual is Bucky. The day of the funeral comes too quickly for me, my dad and I are sitting in the first row, with the Barnes family by our sides, my mom’s family from Europe, on the bench at the other side of the aisle. My hands are shaking and so does my left leg, it only stops when a familiar hand grips mine. I don’t even need to look up to know who it is, Bucky laces his fingers with mine and my hands stop trembling. We have a special bond, and no one can understand what’s between us, unless they are living it. A few months pass, I finish the school year and on the last day, my dad announces me that we’re leaving New York and Brooklyn for Seattle. He has a promotion and wants to take a fresh new start far from the place that saw his wife and son die. I knew for a few days now, but didn’t tell anything to Bucky, I didn’t want him to be frustrated by the fact that I am going to leave him. Dad made me pack my things, only keeping what I needed for the end of school, sold the biggest part of my mom’s and brother’s stuff and the house, we were allowed to stay until today, when the new owners would come to have the keys. He already found us a place to live in Seattle and found me a new school. I cried when he told me that I’m going to make new friends very soon, telling him that I don’t want new friends, that those I have here been enough, that Bucky and Steve are the best friends someone can have in the world. We’re in front of the Barnes’ place now, to say our goodbyes before we take the road. I know that my dad told George and Winifred that we are leaving, but he told them to not tell Bucky. I can hear them, they’re in the backyard. I can here Rebecca’s giggle, Mrs Barnes telling her children to wash their hands before lunch, Mr Barnes saying that food is almost ready, I can smell the barbecue’s scent, the only one I don’t hear is Bucky, my sweet loving Bucky. I realized something when my dad told me that we were moving at the other side of the country, I love him, but not like I love my father, not like I loved my brother and mother, I love him, with the capital L, the complete I’m in love with him, thing. It hit me the night after the funerals, the way Bucky held my hand on that day, the fact that he stayed by my side all day long, the fact that he took me away from my home to make me think about anything but the death and sadness. I knew few days after that my dad agreed with that, he even gave Bucky a few bucks to distract me with ice cream and video games. That night when he left, I thought about him, about the sensation of his fingers intertwined with mine, the heat of his palm against mine, his sweet touch, the way he wiped that ice cream from the corner of my lips with his thumb. I’m in love with Bucky, my Bucky. My father puts his hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my daydreaming. “We have to hurry, we’re taking the road after saying our goodbyes”, he says and I just nod to answer, following him towards the happy noises. Bucky lifts his head at the moment we step into their field of view. He runs towards me and wraps his arms around me before putting his chin on the crown of my head. Nothing else count right now, just him and me. I hear in the distance my father speaking with the Barnes, telling them that we are here to say goodbye before taking the road. Bucky’s chin leaves my head, and he looks down to me. “Saying goodbye ?”, he asks, shocked. “Bucky, I swear I wanted to tell you but, I didn’t want you to be sad or to hate me”, I answer. “I would have rather you tell me you were leaving than learning it right now”, he shouts, letting me go and running to the house. “Bucky”, I call feeling tears falling down my face. Mr and Mrs Barnes ask us to stay eat something before we take the road and my father accepts. We eat in silence, the only noise is the one of our cutlery on our plates. I look at the empty stop besides me, Bucky is still in the house, probably in his bedroom and it makes my heart ache so much, I should have told him before, I should have told him that I’d rather stay here, but I don’t have the choice, I must follow my father. Just when we finish eating, Bucky appears again, his eyes are red, and he’s playing with the sleeves of his sweater. “Y/N, can I talk to you for a minute please ?” I nod, and he grabs my hand to take me near to the oak where the tree house is. At the same moment, I hear Mrs Barnes saying that they should clean the garden table to bring desert and have some coffee. All the adults, followed by Rebecca, pulled inside the house by her father, disappear in the kitchen. Bucky links his hands with mine, both of our hands are palm to palm, he’s ready say something, when he turns his head towards the house. He mutters something under his breath and when I turn my head, I spot the adults looking at us through the kitchen window, maintaining the curtains open. Bucky sighs and pulls me behind him to hide behind the big oak trunk. Once there, I lean against the huge tree, and he takes my hands in his again. “I’m sorry, I’ve been stupid, I shouldn’t have to have that reaction, I know this is not your fault.” “I wish I could have told you before, but I couldn't”, I answer sadly. “This just drives me crazy to imagine you leaving me, going away, living at the other side of the country. You’re my best friend and maybe that will sound selfish but I want to keep you with me. I don’t want to share you with anyone else, because I love you. And that’s not the love like the one I have for my parents or Rebecca or even Steve, it’s something else, something that maybe we are too young to understand but I love you like in I’m in love with you, like that thing we should find disgusting because we’re ten years-old and…” I cut him by putting my lips on his. “You talk too much Barnes. And for the record, I love you too.” “For real ?”, he asks, his eyes sparkling. “For real”, I answer. “Can I kiss you then ? Not an innocent baby kiss but like trying a real one like people who love each other do ?” I nod and everything is going slow, he leans his forehead on mine and our noses bump against each other. His lips are on mine in a blink of an eye, and we kiss. It’s wet and sort of disgusting, but we’re only ten years-old and that’s our first real kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck, as I saw older girls doing in movies. Bucky pulls away after a few seconds. We catch our breath, foreheads still leaning against each other, I would love to stay like this for eternity, but in the distance, I hear my father calling for me and saying that we are leaving in five minutes. “I’ve got something for you”, Bucky says, pulling a little bag from his pocket. “Promise me that you’re going to keep it, even in Seattle.” I open the bag and take out a necklace with a little red star on it. “Bucky, this is beautiful, thank you”, I peck his cheek before lifting my hair for him to put the jewel around my neck. “I want you to promise me something”, I suddenly state, looking straight into his blue orbs. “Anything you want.” “Don’t forget me, James. Promise me that you will not forget me, that you will still love me and that you and me are forever, no matter when we are going to find each other again, no matter if it’s in ten or twenty year, promise me.” “I promise you”, he responds holding me tight to him. “You and I are forever, no matter what.” I hear my father calling me once more. “I have to go.” “I know.” We kiss again, and hand in hand, reach the car in front of the house. I hug Mr and Mrs Barnes and Rebecca, before going back to Bucky. After another hug and peck on the lips, I take place on the passenger seat, my father turns the engine on and starts to drive. I see the Barnes waving goodbye, so I wave back, and suddenly, Bucky starts to run behind the car. I open the window and lean through it. “Don’t forget me”, he shouts. “Promise me that you’ll never forget me.” “I promise”, I shout back, and he stops running. That’s the last image I have from my best friend, first love and kiss before my father tuns the corner of the street.
2017
Bucky’s POV
That’s how I saw my best friend, first love and kiss going out of my life and as I promised her, I never forget for the past twenty years. No matter how many girls I dated, I’m still thinking about her, even if I don’t know where she is. I kinda lost her trace a few months after she moved to Seattle. The only thing I knew was that her father died barely two years after and that she was sent to her mother’s family in Europe, the only family she had left. Thinking about her and just her, makes it hard for commitment, even with redhead beauty that wakes up next to me almost every morning for two years now. Natasha is amazing, but she’s not the one, she could have been if I hadn’t promised my eternal love to someone else twenty years ago. Natasha is beautiful, smart and funny. She’s supposed to make me happy according to my family and friends, and according to them, we would have a beautiful bunch of babies. My parents told it to me, so does Steve and Becca, whom were dating and are now engaged and I can’t believe that my best friend is going to marry my little sister. It would be the truth if I wasn’t thinking of Y/N all the time knowing that someday she would probably come back to me. So almost twenty years passed since I made that promise, I’m now a History teacher in a high-school, still working and living in Brooklyn, Steve still by my side, teaching PE in the same school as me. That punk became PE teacher, if you had told me that twenty years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it, with his skinny self, that tiny bag of bone guy, suffering from asthma, whom got beaten up so many times by older guys than us would have become a muscle mountain leaving his little sick clumsy self behind, and seduce my sister. I met Natasha during a school trip, I was taking my class to the Smithsonian museum in DC, she was one of the person in charge of the exhibition. One of my students almost broke a piece of an ancient weapon from World War II and as I punished him and forced him to apologize to the young ginger woman in front of him, we kinda clicked. She told me she was in Washington only for her work, that she was in fact from New York and was here since four years, and even if she liked her job here, she would rather go back to the Big Apple to be closer of her family. We started by exchanging texts, phone calls, Skype conversation, and then had our first date when she came to New York for some vacations, I took her to a fancy restaurant, and we had our first night together. Five months later, she was back in NY for good, she had a new post at the American Museum of History and an apartment in Manhattan. From the beginning, I didn’t hide from her the fact that I made a promise to my former best friend, that I would wait for her and go back to her if she comes back. With time and without seeing any trace of the said best friend and our relationship continuing, I think that she finished thinking that Y/N would never come back and that she would have me only to herself. School year ended barely a month ago and the New York summer is already hotter than I expected. I’m strolling on the streets, enjoying the warm and the sun, thinking about what the school headmaster told the teaching staff that we were going to welcome a new literature teacher from Europe to replace Mrs Jenkins who was, finally, retiring. The only things we knew that day were that it was a woman, she was coming from Europe and had released a book, not a very famous one, but a good one according to the headmaster. I just wonder how she is, if she’s nice and what she looks like. I digress but that’s what holidays are for, aren’t they ? I pass by that little coffee shop that is here since as long as I can remember, the Chocolate Memories. I spent so long here with Steve and Rebecca when we were teens, close to home, cheap but delicious, the best place in Brooklyn for students and for a good time. I follow the first glass wall, inhaling the amazing smell of hot drinks and pastries coming from the inside of the café. Before I reach the door, I take a look inside through the window. There are only a few costumers inside, a group of teens, a couple with a little boy and a baby girl drinking her bottle and next to the other bay window a Y/H/C hair young woman, tipping on a computer, her back to the glass I’m looking through. I enter the shop and notice more about that girl who’s sitting on her side. She has a book to her right and a glass of fresh drink to her left, along with a plate with a cinnamon roll. She puts a lock of her hair behind her ear, she has black polish on her nails, and does it so softly that it’s like she’s afraid of ripping her hair of her head. She then puts her chin in the same hand, elbow on the table, tilting her head, before straighten back and grabs the glass with her left hand, taking a sip of her drink, eyes never leaving her screen. Whatever she’s tipping, it must be really important. I don’t know how long I’m staying here but at some point, someone is clearing their throat in front of me. “Sir”, the girl behind the counter says, “do you need something ?” “Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts, I’m just gonna sit and order something thanks.” She just nods as an answer and I move towards and empty booth, facing the table where the girl is sitting. I know that I have a girlfriend, and the love of my life is probably waiting for me somewhere, but I can’t help but being attracted by that mystery young woman focused on that screen of her, tipping almost as if her life depends on it. She looks so passionate of what she’s doing that she doesn’t seem to notice me. The young girl behind the counter comes to take my order and assure me that she’s going to be back in a few seconds with my cold coffee and a piece of plum pie. At some point, she closes her laptop and leans on the seat back, sighing softly and removing her glasses, reveling a pair of Y/E/C eyes that I know too well.
