And a vision of the future which is bleaker than yesterday.
Alongside the brutal reality that my mental illness will accompany me my whole life unless there is a magic cure for manic depression.
A word I am supposedly not supposed to use, but that seems to sum up my situation better than society's misconstrued notions of what bipolar disorder even is.
Where do I find hope
I try to remember my reasons why to keep living
On the verge of giving up I remember my little sister who cried when a mouse died in a book
I have hope she will live a good life
That my other siblings will also
And for now that will have to be enough
But damn, sometimes I remember Google let me know the most painless way to commit suicide is simply by running a car in a closed garage.
It sounds like going to sleep forever, peacefully unaware.
The relationship between my dad and Chelsea’s mom did not last, but from it I gained a half brother and sister. Once I grew much older the thought of the vulgar games Chelsea and I played as kids haunted me. When my half sister told me Chelsea had taken a car from home and run away as a teenager I thought it was somehow my fault. As far as I know, our games remained unknown to this day and our secrets outlived my father.
I think the fact we kept the game a secret was an indicator we knew something wasn’t right, but also by the time we could figure out how messed up it truly was it had been a secret for too long to bother mentioning it. It was too embarrassing to bring up again. Plus, it was enough to make someone’s skin crawl to think about what happened or how much worse it could have been. We were about 6 or 7 when our games began, and not much older when they stopped. Thank God they stopped.
I still have three parents alive who do not know of our story. Two of them are step parents, though I’m not sure my step mom is truly still my step mom since my dad died two years ago. I’m not sure how the technicalities work on that one.
My step parents were amazing. My step dad reminded me of a goofy older brother figure and my step mom, while sometimes critical, really stepped up to the plate to be another parental figure to me. My step dad taught me how to ride a bike. My step mom taught me the importance of writing thank you cards. They both helped me grow.
The story of my mom and step dad was sweet, strange, and romantic. My mom was a single mother trying to make ends meet without the help of child support and my step dad was a fellow CNA at the place where he worked. He also had experience working on airplanes and was a member of the army. While I do not condone the actions of our military overseas and the wars our politicians sign up their civilians for, I will say, there was a lot of sacrifice involved in serving the country.
While my step dad was away in Afghanistan, or perhaps it was Iraq, my mom worked multiple jobs to keep up with bills. She also took me along with her to deliver phone books, the Yellow Pages, so we could afford to send my step dad care packages. Now, these care packages were sometimes genuinely thoughtful and oftentimes filled with pranks.
One time my mom sent exploding tea bags and quickly had to send the message they should not be used when she discovered my step dad’s unit was on a water ration. Another time she sent his buddies a fake plastic snake to put near his bed. After he got over the scare he continued to use the plastic snake to frighten his other friends.
Sometimes, we just sent my extra Halloween candy. And my mom would throw in a couple prank candies like garlic flavored candy just for fun. Later on she would say she tricked him into marrying her by pretending to be more fun than she actually was. I say, he knew what he was signing up for when he stuck around after I wrapped my used and smelly cast in a gift box for one of his birthday gifts. It was red, white, and blue and, in my eyes, hilarious.
Where better for a young degenerate to straighten out her act than at a school called Temple Christian. This was the school that held back not one, but two of my relatives in preschool. One is now a straight A student. The other is a nuclear engineer. I genuinely don’t know what the school staff’s thought processes were when they held back 1 of 3 triplets in preschool like that wouldn’t haunt him. When the triplets switched to public school my uncle simply skipped a grade and did just fine, hence how he worked his way towards becoming a nuclear engineer. My sister struggled a bit more, but that’s a story for much later.
I did well at Christian school. They made me the young overachiever who stumbled her way into UChicago. First grade is when things got real. I was caught cheating on a spelling test. Mind you, I had gotten away with it many times before I was caught. I would write my spelling words on a list, keep them on a sheet of paper under my desk, and sneak peeks in between writing to find the correct spelling words. I got in trouble when I was caught and was kept inside one recess, forced to rewrite the sentence that declared I would not cheat again over and over until my classmates returned.
I didn’t cheat after that. I studied hard. I was the youngest in my grade and towards the top of my class. I knew this to be true because they ranked us. They gave us ribbons and trophies for being the top first, second, or third in our class. I prided myself on straight A’s from the time I was 7. I was more competitive than I was studious. However, we didn’t have a basketball team at the time to channel that competitive energy in a more productive way. I was left with academic perfectionism that would eventually lead to crippling anxiety.
Sometime a little after being caught for cheating karma came back around and slapped me in the face. More specifically, it broke my arm. I was at my uncle’s neighbor’s house, playing with my cousins and their best friend on the monkey bars. I fell directly onto my arm and the pain was excruciating.
I immediately told the adults I thought it was broken. They instinctively thought I was being over dramatic. About an hour or so later my dad came to pick me up and I told him what would happen. I was taken to the hospital and unsurprisingly, my arm was broken.
This would not be the last bone I broke. About a year later I was playing outside and once again, I fell from a contraption not much different from the monkey bars. My dad was on the phone and before I fell I yelled for him to come grab me a couple times. This time the pain was not so unbearable, but once again, I was pretty sure my arm was broken. I calmly told my dad my thoughts and neither of us panicked.
I made it clear I still wanted to see the fireworks. I held my arm still, as if it was in a cast, and we went looking for a friend of my dad’s who was a doctor. When we found him he confirmed my arm was most likely broken. He offered me a sparkler and I played with the other kids with my arm held close to my body at a 90 degree angle. It was tolerable.
Sometime between breaking my arm twice I started to gain weight. I noticed my face and stomach was rounder than most of the other kids my age. It made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t mention it too often. I just spent a little too long looking in mirrors at times, wondering why I couldn’t just look normal. Sometimes I would look at pictures of me as a little kid and wonder how it would feel if I could still be as cute as her. I even asked for a haircut to match my younger self around 4th grade. I was disappointed to find I did not feel any prettier after getting it. If anything, I felt like my short hair only somehow made me look fatter.
It wasn’t often that anyone commented on my weight, but I felt it strongly. I prematurely tried to follow exercise videos like P90x and eventually I developed an unusual interest in running, but this was much later. For the time being, I simply lived life feeling a little different than everyone else.
On the weekends I would often visit the triplets. We still played tag, but I knew I was the slowest and this game that had once been fun was no longer as appealing. I sometimes faked injuries simply to have someone get close enough to me so I could tag them. I preferred playing on the haystacks. We would climb up the round bales and jump from one to another, daring each other to jump further each time. The triplets would tell me to be careful, emphasizing my accident prone nature.
I still loved visiting them. Four kids was the perfect number to play games like hide and seek, tag, or even board games. They also had video games I never had at my mom’s house, and eventually they had cable television. My mom had tried to buy cable for a while, but eventually she decided she simply could not afford it.
Sometime in between the mess of various disturbing events that was my childhood, I decided my grandma’s house was my safe place. Because at my grandma’s there were the triplets. They were my aunts and uncle who were a year older than me. Despite the fact my grandma was a hoarder and her home was objectively not the best place to be, I found myself excited to go there most weekends simply to see Brittany, Courtney, and Derek.
See, we also played house, but our house was much more innocent. We played in a small, fake plastic home inside their large country house and I didn’t mind that I was a little younger, a little slower, and a little less in charge. It was nice to be the youngest. Whenever I would visit I would be put to sleep in a crib since there was nowhere else to sleep. From this crib I could see the television where my grandma would watch her soap operas. Admittedly, this is probably where I first discovered parts of what husbands and wives did.
Nevertheless, I did not go out of my way to watch them with her. I would crawl out of my crib, into Brittany, Courtney, and Derek’s shared room and ask if I could sleep on the floor. The answer was always a yes. However, only after they teased me about being on the floor where the mice and spiders might crawl into my mouth. Still, I found I liked the floor better than the crib.
This was my safe place, my grandma’s hoarder’s nest, sleeping on the floor between the two twin beds in Brittany, Courtney, and Derek’s room. See, there were also cats here. And while no cat could ever measure up to Pretty Princess, the triplets and I had fun chasing cats around the farm either way.
Most days the triplets and I got along well enough. Sure, they picked on me for being younger, slower, and accident prone. However, they usually made time to include me in their games so long as their neighbor was not around. See, their neighbor had a trampoline. And I had stitches on my forehead that declared I was not allowed to play with them on it. Because, once again, I was accident prone.
I had the most fun when their neighbor wasn’t home, or when the triplets and I were somewhere far away from the dreaded trampoline. It’s not even like I wanted to join them on it. The lack of net surrounding it made it a safety hazard for any kid, yet alone a kid with my level of dexterity. However, the fact I could not join them while they played made that trampoline and their next door neighbor two of my least favorite things.
When we played we were inventive. We would make our own games with strange rules and usually had a lot of fun. One day I made a very not good game. See, my mom let me wear my late great grandma’s engagement ring for fun. I had asked a hundred times. The ring had one diamond set with pink stones on each side. Pink was my favorite color and I was enamored.
That day I invented a game called “whoever grabs the ring first can keep it”. In this game I would throw the ring a reasonable distance from my hand. The triplets and I would race to it. I ensured it was close enough to me I would get it each time. However, I did not account for the long grass hiding the ring from all of our sights. With one toss, my great grandma’s engagement ring was lost for good.
My great grandma was an interesting lady in her own rights. I remember she would let the triplets and I dip stale ginger snap cookies into her coffee and we loved this. We also liked sneaking into her room to eat the candy she kept by her bed. The candy, of course, was Tums. It’s a good thing we took a liking to these as opposed to, let’s just say, for example, aspirin.
My great grandma was born in New Zealand. She married a man who had abused her and gave up two kids for adoption before moving to the states. From what I understand, she was not officially divorced when she married my great grandfather. She then had my grandma and left said great grandfather to return to New Zealand, the country she had loved. She raised my grandma there until eventually returning to the states once more.
In her later years she was rear ended by a teen driver who left her partially blind. She was encouraged to sue for negligence and with the money she won for the case she paid for a girl from her church to go to college. I find this to be a testament to her good character as well as a questionable choice given she did not pay for any of her grandchildren to go to college.
To Start Over Can Be Beautiful; Until the Day When It Is Not
Celeste never liked to wake up from a dream. Her hand moved deliberately towards her alarm for the fifth time that hour as she delayed her morning to approach an ending to the psychological thriller that tugged at her consciousness. She was thankful for a break from the boredom that greeted her as she awoke.
Not even the trill noise of the birds outside could distract her from her focus as she tried to force her dream to reach a conclusion. The funny thing about dreams was that they rarely did. Just an eternity of…
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” called out her dad as the door to her room burst open.
Celeste pushed her face further into her powder blue pillow, but the sudden noise distracted her from her focus, and she knew her dream was lost to the abyss of her subconscious.
“Damn it. Are you even packed yet?” continued her dad.
Celeste’s suitcase sat on the floor, clearly untouched. “You know, this is why I think you shouldn’t be going. If you’re not ready to go in an hour, you’re not leaving.”
“You can’t keep treating me like a child,” Celeste mumbled.
“What was that?” her dad spoke, his voice rising even further. “I can’t deal with your attitude right now. This year has been difficult enough as it is. Now start packing.”
Against her better judgment, Celeste lied in bed another five minutes after he left the room. Perhaps there was a part of her that didn’t want to leave. She knew that now was a terrible time to abandon her mother, but she couldn’t pass on the opportunity to earn money to pay for her college tuition.
One of the stipulations of her scholarship was a two month-long study, and she wouldn’t risk her future just because fate shook up her family right before she planned to leave for college.
She looked towards her desk and realized she had forgotten to write out her mom’s birthday card. As if she wasn’t already running late. With a pen in hand and determination, she got to writing. “This year was lost to…” ‘To what’ she thought. Maybe now wasn’t the time to think about losses. She quickly grabbed a new card.
June reaches out its hand, greeting you with another year. I hope this one will be better than the last. -Love, Celeste
After she set down her pen, she picked up the photo of her with her two closest, and only friends. It was graduation day. The dark blue gowns they wore only made Tabby’s hair shine a brighter red. And Sarah’s smile shined brighter than Celeste had ever seen in this photo. Celeste smiled briefly before she put the photo down with a sigh
It wasn’t long before she was packed. A few t-shirts were thrown in her suitcase, poorly folded, resting over some jeans. She figured she would have few people to impress with the hours she expected to waste away in a lab.
She quickly took a brush to her dark brown curls and she was unsurprised to see her hair looked messier than before she had brushed it. She was still wearing her sweatpants by the time she heard her mom call her downstairs.
“Honey, hurry up or you won’t have time to eat before you leave,” called out her mom.
“Not hungry!” Celeste called down.
“There’s also cake,” called her dad.
“Coming!” with one sock on and another in her hand, Celeste rushed out the door. As her foot slid forward on the hardwood floors she fell backwards. She hardly looked put out as she took the second she was on the floor to put on her other sock before she stood up.
She then walked carefully down the stairs. Her mom’s concerned face greeted her from the kitchen. Her dad didn’t look up from his laptop where he seemed to be writing an email. He was always responding to emails. The man took his work with him everywhere he went.
“Was that you who made that noise?” her mom asked when she saw her.
“I mean, who else would it be?” asked Celeste, looking at her mom and dad who sat side by side. “The floors look nice by the way, wish I had known you had just cleaned though.”
“You would have known if you had woken up before noon,” said her dad, not glancing up from his computer.
“But I never would have known how my dream ended and that’s far more fascinating than clean floors” responded Celeste.
Her dad looked up briefly from his work and shook his head. He sighed before continuing to work.
“Are you still keeping up with your dream journal?” Her mom asked, her dark brown eyes shining as she spoke.
“Sometimes, damn it. I forgot about it this morning,” said Celeste.
“Language,” said her father.
“Come on,” Celeste groaned. “I’m eighteen. You have to know this is how I talk by now. Besides, I learned this language from you, ya know?”
“Well, around your mom at least pretend we raised you better,” said her father.
Celeste sighed, but stopped arguing. Instead she changed the subject.
“Happy Birthday, mom!” she said. “I wrote you a card.”
Celeste handed over the handmade card as her mom reached out to gently grab it.
“Thanks love, “ her mom replied. “You know, you can still take time to get dressed though. You’ve got plenty of time to drive downtown. In fact, you don’t have to be there until 5.” She then looked towards Celeste’s dad. “Hun, you can let her rest.”
“She needs to learn how to prepare for her future,” said her dad. “There’s no reason she can’t have her bags packed a night ahead of time, especially when she sleeps until the afternoon.”
“He’s right,” said Celeste. “I should’ve been packed last night mom.”
She looked at her feet for a second and then turned her attention to the cake. “Where are all the candles?” she asked. “You can’t make a wish without candles.”
“I’m getting too old for wishes. All forty-five candles represent to me would be a fire hazard,” said her mom, while she delicately cut the cake with a long knife.
Celeste reached for the knife and ran her finger along the icing before gracelessly licking her finger. Her mom simply looked at her and shook her head while sighing. She placed a piece of cake on a plate and asked Celeste to use a fork.
“It’s your birthday. You get the first slice,” said Celeste.
“It’s too early for me to eat sugar. I’m going to save mine for after dinner,” said her mom.
Celeste’s dad stood up suddenly, reached his hand between the two, and grabbed the plate for himself. Celeste didn’t mind as this allowed her to grab herself a corner piece.
“You know,” she said in between bites. “You could have waited until after dinner to cut your cake.”
“No I couldn’t have,” said her mom. “I know how you are. I would have felt too guilty to eat if you hadn’t been there. Which reminds me, I have something to give you before you leave.”
“What do you mean? It’s your birthday. First I eat your cake and now you’re buying me presents? Are you trying to fill me with guilt so I don’t actually leave? Because it might work,” said Celeste.
“No, no. You need to go. We’ll miss you, but we’ll do just fine. It’s just something I meant to give you before you left for college, but since you’ll be gone for half the summer now seems to be just as good of a time. I’ll be right back,” said her mom. Her mom quickly turned towards the stairs.
“So, dad,” said Celeste. “Are you and mom going to enjoy having the home to yourselves this summer?”
“Who knows. It hasn’t been that long since your brother left. He might turn up,” said her dad.
A while was a stretch. Her brother had been gone for three months. After her twin had said he had no plans to go to college, their home had been tense. Once the tension broke in an uproar of anger and backed up emotions, he had packed his bags and gone to his girlfriend’s house.
She looked back at her dad. She didn’t want to voice her opinion about her brother’s absence, especially since she knew why he left. Thankfully, she didn’t have to as her mom came back down the stairs. Her mom smiled at her and handed over a small box.
“It’s not much, but I wanted you to have something to remind you of home,” her mom said.
Celeste opened the box and smiled as she looked at the necklace inside. It was simple and small, shaped like a crescent moon. She wasn’t sure what it had to do with home, but she wasn’t going to ask.
“You know how the waves get stronger as the moon gets more full?” asked her mom. Celeste nodded. “Well, the waves are low and there’s no reason to get pulled under.”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you,” said Celeste, as she fumbled with the clasp on the necklace to put it on herself. The silver moon stood out sharply against her light brown skin.
“And sorry dad, for not being more prepared today. I should probably keep getting ready.”
Her dad nodded.
“You know, cake isn’t lunch,” he said.
“I’ll grab food when I’m done,” said Celeste. “I promise.”
While Celeste headed back upstairs her phone started to ring. She answered quickly when she saw the name of her best friend flash over the screen.
“Where are you?” asked Sarah. “Tabitha and I have been here twenty minutes and you’re never late.”
“Shit, what time is it?” asked Celeste.
“1:50,” responded Sarah.
“I’ll be as quick as possible,” said Celeste.
“Well, you’re already late so take your time. Besides, Tabby and I are capable of keeping ourselves entertained without you every now and then. We already ordered food though, so you better be happy with tacos.”
“Awesome! I’ll be there a little after 2,” said Celeste. “Bye!”
She hung up the phone before Sarah responded. “My bad,” she said under her breath.
As she looked down at her feet she saw Annie. Annie was a long haired, calico cat who usually followed her everywhere Celeste went. Celeste bent over and picked her up.
“Who’s my favorite girl,” she said, before kissing Annie on the head.
She walked to her room with her cat held tightly to her chest.
As soon as she walked in she let out a sigh as she looked around. She wasn’t sure how she would feel leaving for a month, yet alone for a whole year at college. She considered packing a few photos that hung on the wall, but thought better of it as she realized they could end up lost.
With a final look at the sunflower that hung above her bed in a shadow box, she considered how empty her room would be for the summer if she didn’t pack something. It would be nice to bring something her best friend had given to her so she could be reminded of what waited for her at the end of the day. She walked over to the wall and grabbed it before looking at her open suitcase, wondering what she was forgetting.
“I wish I could bring you with me,” she muttered to Annie who now stood by her feet. With a sigh she grabbed her stuff and walked out the door, her cat trailing closely by her as she walked towards the stairs. She walked past her twin brother’s room and stopped.
‘I shouldn’t,’ she thought, as she quietly opened the door anyway.
Inside it looked like nothing had changed. Time was frozen and it almost felt like he was still here. His posters still hung up on the walls and there were still some clothes he left behind lying on the floor. On his desk there was unopened mail, decisions returned from colleges that Jake had never planned to attend in the first place.
Celeste looked at the picture of her brother and his girlfriend. Jake looked disheveled, but purposefully so in the photo. His hair was messy and his button down shirt was unbuttoned and slightly wrinkled. He looked happier than Celeste remembered him.
Celeste felt a tightness in her chest and turned around. She left the room and gently shut the door behind her. She then walked downstairs and to the kitchen. She saw her mom and dad sitting down at the table together.
“Where are you going so soon?” asked her dad.
“I forgot I planned to go to lunch with Sarah and Tabby,” said Celeste.
Her mom stood up and walked over to give her a hug. She seemed reluctant to let Celeste go.
“We’ll miss you,” she said. “The house will be so quiet without you.”
“Stay safe,” added her dad.
“I love you guys,” said Celeste. “And I’ll be back in no time.”
“If anything goes wrong, call us,” her dad said.
“We’ll pick you right up,” added her mom.
“Mom, I’ll have my car,” said Celeste.
“We can be there anyways if you need to leave,” replied her mom.
Celeste didn’t know how to say that she couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong. The study she signed up for was required for her scholarship. If she didn’t finish it, she wouldn’t be able to afford to go to college. With these pessimistic thoughts in mind she turned to her parents and faked a smile.
“Of course I’ll call you if something goes wrong,” she lied. “I’ll see you before long either way,”
Both her parents hugged her before they let her out the door. She shoved her suitcase into the back seat of the car and then hopped into the driver’s seat. She sped down the roads towards downtown, hoping to be there in fifteen minutes. Sadly, she took another twenty.
She walked into her favorite restaurant and she took a deep breath as she prepared for Sarah to tell her off. As she approached their table, she was not surprised when her best friend began to chastise her.
“You’re nearly an hour late you know,” said Sarah.
“I finished my entire meal already,” added Tabitha. “Gotta say I’m not mad. It was pretty good.”
“Well, I am starving,” said Celeste. “It looks like you’re both done eating.”
Sarah sighed and said, “go right ahead. Though, I’m not sure you deserve tacos right now. Even if they are cold.”
“Thank you so, so much,” said Celeste, reaching over to hug her after she took a seat by her side. “I love you. You’re the best.”
Sarah looked down at her lap and mumbled, “yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
“Can I put my keys and phone in your purse Tabitha,” asked Celeste. “It makes me nervous to put them on the table.”
“You are so paranoid,” she replied. “But why not.”
Tabitha’s hand reached towards her purse at the same time as Celeste’s. Before Tabitha could stop her, Celeste had opened her purse. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes with a surprised look on her face.
“What are these?” she asked.
“What do you think they are,” joked Sarah.
“Since when do you smoke?” asked Celeste.
“They’re Sarah’s,” replied Tabitha.
“As if,” said Sarah. “I won’t even drink coffee because it stains my teeth. Why in the world would I take up smoking?”
“Fine, they’re mine,” admitted Tabitha.
“Obviously.” said Celeste in a flat voice. “Throw them away now.”
“But that’s wasteful,” said Tabitha.
“Yeah, but wasting your life sounds perfectly fine right?” questioned Celeste. “In the trash, now.”
“What if we at least give them to a stranger,” said Sarah.
“That’s a terrible idea,” replied Tabitha.
“It’s a win-win. You won’t infect your lungs and no one has to waste anything,” said Sarah.
“I don’t like this,” said Celeste.
“Neither do I,” said Tabitha. Celeste glared at her.
“You don’t get a say,” said Celeste.
“Hey, Sarah. Remember how Celeste was an hour late,” said Tabitha. “Why don’t we talk about that again?”
“I’m over it,” said Sarah. “Hand me the cigarettes.”
“What are you gonna do? Go give them to a stranger,” said Tabitha.
“You know? I just might,” replied Sarah.
“What about that guy there,” said Tabitha, pointing to a dark haired stranger across the bar. “He’s been glancing at you for half an hour now. Don’t you have a thing for the dark and mysterious types anyways.”
Sarah looked at Celeste.
“Tell her to stop it,” said Sarah.
“Haven’t you been looking for a boyfriend for a few months now anyways,” said Celeste.
Sarah scoffed, “not at all,” she answered. She stood up anyways, in spite of herself.
Instead of walking over to the guy, she made her way to a short blonde at the bar. Celeste couldn’t tell what they were saying, but the other girl must have been comfortable because she let out a loud laugh as she took the cigarettes from Sarah. Sarah gave her a smile in return and winked.
“Easy,” she said as she sat down.
“What was that?” asked Tabitha.
“What was what?” replied Sarah.
“That wink. I swear you winked.” Tabitha answered. She looked at Celeste. “You saw it too, right?”
“That’s what it looked like, yeah,” Celeste replied.
“You guys are crazy,” Sarah said before she took a sip of her beer. “You need a drink,” she told Celeste.
“I’m heading to a lab,” said Celeste. “The last thing I need is a drink. Plus I don’t have a fake ID. We’re different types of degenerates, ya know?”
“Nonsense,” said Sarah. “It’s on me.”
She smirked right before winking at Celeste.
“I saw that,” cried Tabitha. “You’re not discrete, you know?”
Sarah shrugged as she stood up before walking to the bar at the back of the restaurant.
“She doesn’t even like blondes,” said Tabitha, as soon as Sarah was gone.
“What does that matter?” asked Celeste.
“You’re so stupid,” replied her friend as she twirled a long piece of bright red hair around her finger. Her earnest blue eyes looked at Celeste. “You’re too oblivious, you know that right?”
Celeste merely rolled her eyes.
“We’re not having this conversation again,” Celeste said.
“She wants you to drink so you can’t drive to that lab of yours, ya know?” said Tabitha. “She thinks you’re stupid for going through with this.”
“Yeah, well it’s my choice,” said Celeste, as she crossed her arms.
“Doesn’t mean it’s a good one,” muttered Tabitha.
“Are you going to pay for my college?” questioned Celeste.
Tabitha rolled her eyes. “I have never heard of someone letting some mad scientists insert a chip into their heads to allow a kid to pay for college. This should be illegal.”
“Well, they aren’t affiliated with the school, and they aren’t actually crazy. These are world reclaimed researchers. And technically it’s not exploitation if I fully understand the terms of the agreement,” responded Celeste with a shrug.
“You are absolutely insane,” said Tabitha.
“Can’t be much worse than smoking,” replied Celeste.
Sarah returned with two beers in her hands and a bright smile. She obviously hadn’t noticed any tension. Even though she missed the conversation, she started it up just the same.
“Cheers to the worst decision you have made in your life!” exclaimed Sarah. Sarah looked at Tabitha. “I’ve known her since preschool, and boy has she made a lot of bad decisions.”
“Cheers to that,” said Tabitha.
Celeste scowled and didn’t lift her drink as Tabitha and Sarah both shouted “Cheers!”
“I think I’m going to head out,” said Celeste.
“No no no,” said Sarah. “I know your schedule today and you have another hour with us. We’ll stop teasing, but we won’t see you for two months, so you have to stay.”
“You know, we’re heading to college at the end of the summer. This is kind of like a warm-up round to see how we get along without each other,” replied Celeste.
“I don’t need a warm-up round,” said Sarah. “I haven’t been away from you for more than two weeks since we were four. You owe me one more hour.”
Celeste shrugged her shoulders and said “I guess.”
“So…” said Tabitha. “Any luck finding a boyfriend? You’ve been single all through high school and I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy.”
“I’m going off to college,” replied Celeste. “The last thing I need is a boyfriend to distract me.”
“Well, you’ve gotta start sometime. Don’t you want five kids or something?” asked Tabitha.
“I said four. Four kids,” answered Celeste.
“You’re crazy,” muttered Sarah. “And she’s right. No one needs a boyfriend right now. We’re all moving away anyways. It’s reckless. Little Miss brain surgeon here is going to be at Harvard before long.”
“And little miss art prodigy is only going to be an hour away at Amherst. So, maybe she could be a little less dramatic,” said Celeste.
“An hour and a half. Sarah will be an hour and a half away” said Tabitha.
“You’re not helping,” said Celeste.
“Yeah, well I’ll continue not helping all the way in New York,” replied Tabitha.
“We’ll visit you all the time, you know?” said Sarah.
“You might, but how is Celeste going to get away from all the homework she is gonna have?” asked Tabitha.
“I’ll try,” said Celeste.
“Doesn’t mean you’ll be able to take a break,” said Tabitha.
Celeste didn’t argue because she secretly agreed. The rest of the hour passed in light banter and reminiscing over the tribulations of high school. The three laughed about teen angst and colorful summers spent away from narrow hallways and dingy yellow lockers.
“It looks like it’s time for me to go,” said Celeste.
Sarah immediately grabbed her and held her tightly in a hug.
“No,” she said. “I won’t let you.”
“I will!” added Tabitha. “Get out of here. I hate goodbyes.”
Sarah glared over at Tabitha, her arms still firmly wrapped around her best friend.
“I love you so, so much.” said Sarah.
“I love you, too,” replied Celeste.
“If you loved me you wouldn’t be leaving,” said Sarah.
“Yeah, and would you pay for my college?” Celeste replied.
“How much is it?” asked Sarah.
“Nearly 60,000 a year.”
Sarah immediately let go of her.
“Nope, absolutely not. Get out of here,” said Sarah.
“I guess you don’t really love me,” Celeste replied with a sigh.
Sarah looked at her with a serious expression, “of course I do,” she said. “I love you so much that I’m going to let you leave.”
“Ah, yes,” said Tabitha. “If you love something let it go or whatever. I hate that expression.”
“And I hate leaving, but here we are,” said Celeste.
She stood up from her spot next to Sarah and her friend reached for her hand.
“There has to be another way to do this,” said Sarah. “Please. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’ll be fine,” said Celeste as she slid her hand out of Sarah’s.
She quickly walked over to give Tabitha a hug.
“I still think you’re crazy,” said Tabitha.
“I’ll be fine, besides, what’s a little experimental neuroscience?” asked Celeste. “It’s what I plan to do one day anyways. Well, I’m not going to get too experimental of course. I don’t think I would have the stomach for that. It kind of feels wrong, ya know?”
“Geez, no kidding,” said Sarah.
“Next thing you know they’ll have you chipped and you’ll find out they’re actually working on mind control,” continued Tabitha.
