Since the catastrophe of a dinner at Cam’s mother’s house, i hadn’t spoken to him in over a week. At first i decided to give him some time and space but after two days of not even hearing from him at all, i tried to reach out. I sent countless texts apologizing and expressing that i wanted to meet with him just to talk and still no response. Now i was startin to get pissed off. I couldn’t understand how he claimed he has all these “feelings” for me but yet when i try to talk things out, i suddenly can’t get ahold of this nigga. I was beyond frustrated and fed up with the silent game.
I had recently been invited to a wedding from one of the few friends i still kept up with in New York. When i initially got the invitation, i didn’t plan on going, but since this shit with Cam, i changed my mind last minute and booked a flight. I was scrambling around my apartment in a hurry to grab everything i needed so i could be at the airport on time. I decided to give Cameron one last call before i left my apartment in hopes that he would actually answer this time. I placed the call on speaker as i walked slowly in anticipation of him interrupting the ring-tone and hearing his voice. And as i predicted he didn’t answer so i left a message.
“...After the tone... [Beep]”
“Hey Cam, it’s me. Look.. i really wanna see you or at least talk to you before i leave town. It’s been over a week and i get it.. you made your point. But this shit right here... the ignoring game, i don’t like it. So please.. call me back.. Bye.”
I slammed my phone down in frustration and ran my hands down my face as i let out a sigh. As much as i tried to fight it, i really cared a lot about Cameron and this was hurting me. I literally went from talking to him 24/7 for the last four months to a whole week of absolutely no communication. He was my best friend beyond anything else and i felt like i deserved an explanation of where his head is, at the very least. Or even if i just explained where my head is at right now. I’m ready for a relationship with him now. He’s shown me time and time again that he’s a good man... that he’s my man. This was an eye opener for me. I don’t want to be without him. I’m finally ready to build something solid with him and i don’t want to leave town without telling him how i feel. “Fuck” i said to myself as i looked down at my watch and began throwing all my shit in my purse. I scurried my ass out my apartment quickly in hopes to make one last minute attempt at catching Cam before i had to catch my flight.
I said a little prayer and did a mental checklist as i looked over my apartment one last time before walking out the door.
My heart was racing all the way to Cameron’s place. When I pulled up to his building, his truck was in his usual spot. I touched up my makeup and teased my ponytail a little so i could look extra cute. I got out my car and when i looked up Cameron was walking out his building, lookin like he was about to go for a run.
We made eye contact and his entire face fell like i was the last person he wanted to see. He walked over slowly to me and kept a distance.
“What’s up?” he asked in a stern voice.
“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. Make sure you’re okay. How are you?”
“Yeah, i got the calls and the texts. I’m okay. ”
“So... you just.. didn’t want to talk to me? I’ve been worried about you.” i said standing there nervously.
“Honestly Kala, i didn’t have anything to say.”
“I mean i don’t know what you want and i’m not just gonna sit here in limbo waiting on you to figure it out. I can’t. I’m getting older. I want someone who actually wants to be in a relationship. I can’t just keep giving you sex and emotional support only when its convenient for you. It doesn’t work like that. And honestly if that’s all you want then i don’t want to do this with you anymore. I tried your way. You were starting to ease up, show me who you are past this wall that you put up. You started letting me in and things weren’t all about sex anymore. And honestly, I got comfortable and started thinking we were more than what we were. Then I take you to meet my mother.. My mother, Kala and all you can say is that i’m just your friend? I can’t be your companion in the dark and your friend around other people. No. I’m too good for that. I deserve more than that. And until you get that shit together... I’m done.”
I stood there in silence as his words pierced my emotions. I had so much to say, yet i was speechless. We stood there staring at each other eye to eye for a few seconds before he scoffed and began jogging down the sidewalk. He took a few steps then turned back and came close to me.
“You are so frustrating because here i am giving you an opportunity to say whatever is on your mind, and like always, you’re letting your pride or your dignity or whatever the fuck get in the way. Kala, i’m done with this.” he said as he took off in a sprint.
The entire flight to Brooklyn my heart was heavy. It took everything i had not to break down in tears. But everything Cameron said was true. His words kept replaying in my mind like a broken record and it was hard for me to concentrate on anything else. Luckily, i was meeting up with one of my good friends Lani ( @kidzgangjay ) who came from Jersey to attend the wedding too. We had booked rooms at the same hotel but we decided to meet up for a bite at our favorite little cafe in Soho. i hadn’t seen her since before i left New York over eight months ago. We talked from time to time but we haven’t had a moment to just catch up since the last time i was sitting in her kitchen telling her i was pregnant with Stefon’s baby.
When i got to the restaurant, Lani was already there waiting at the front looking at the pastries.
“LANI” I screamed as we flew into each other’s arms for a hug that was well overdue.
“Hi Kakes! I’ve missed you!”
Seeing Lani was always like a breath of fresh air. Every time we saw each other it was like we picked up where we left off like there was no time distance between us. I truly considered her a sister to me. We stood there hugging each other not wanting to let go for a few moments. When we finally let go and pulled back we both started crackin up at the fact that we were both crying literal tears.
We stood there wiping our tears and fixing each other’s makeup as half of the empty restaurant watched us. We ordered our food and sat at a table and dived right into it. i started telling her about how things were going with my business first then somehow we got on the subject of Stefon and how i dealt with losing the baby. Thats when i started telling her about Cam and how he was such a distraction from a low point in my life. She could see how i lit up talking about him and showing her a million pictures of us.
“So when am i gonna meet this guy?”
i placed my phone down on the table as my face fell.
“well.. long story short, i have commitment issues and he called me out on them.”
“So what you guys arent on good terms right now or?”
“yeah definitely not. i went by his place before i caught my flight and i honestly think i made things worse.” i said as i began telling her about his exchange of words with tears in my eyes.
“oh no honey, you need to fix that like.. yesterday. He sounds like too good of a man to just let go of. and i know you’re only trying to guard your heart but you”re hurting him in the process of trying to protect yourself. And to me, i feel like he”s shown you that he”s in it forreal. so really there’s no need to protect yourself in the first place. He’s got a great job, good dick, and a genuine heart. Girl you better fix that before some other girl takes your man.”
This is why i loved Lani. She always kept it real with me and didn’t just tell me what i wanted to hear. A part of me was still sad and missing Cam but i knew what i had to do as soon as i got back to Miami.
“Enough about me and my shenanigans, how are things with you and Bry-”
“Don’t even get me started on that two-timing, unfaithful, lying ass nigga.” She said cutting me off mid sentence
“Oh my God. what the hell happened?” i asked as we both started laughing at her going off about him.
Seeeeee.. Kala over there playin and some other girl finna SNATCH ya mans gurl. Betta take you a kit kat break and get that shit together boo boo
