I feel as if I am getting worse...Scratch that. I am getting worse.
I feel invisible and I am in pain. I have been in pain for years but it is worse now.
It is not that I feel invisible, it's that I feel ignored; by my peers and by my family.
Everyday I wait for someone to call me and ask to hang out. I would do it, but my phone is not working and my sister is always on the computer doing God knows what. When I do have access to a computer, like now, I tweet my friends asking to hang out but they already have plans. So I usually just say it's fine, even though it is not, and then I log off the computer and retreat to my bat cave (bedroom).
Do not get me wrong, sometimes I love being alone, but other times the silence begins to get too quiet. Then I usually just watch movies that I have seen 5+ times and I just try to go to sleep.
Is it bad that I love sleeping more than being awake because my fleeting dreams are better than my reality?
I just do not know what to do. I have one more year until I go to college and I want to go as far away as possible, but my mother doesn't want me to. I do not care what she wants because I will research and work as hard as possible to get out of here. But I am worried. I am worried about my brother. He will be alone, without me and without his other sister. He will just be left with my mom and her boyfriend, whom I do not trust.
The guy just doesn't seem as if he wants to get to know us because he does not talk to us without my mother's presence...
I have one more year, and I want it to be the best one yet. I just hope that whatever I am feeling goes away before the new school year begins.
Thank you for always being there for me.
