Actually i will say on KAYF...
The basic premise of KAYF was an idea I first got roughly ten years ago after watching various vampire media. (Let the Right One In, Shiki, etc.) Not the whole plot, but the basic premise of a (queer) couple broken up by one becoming a vampire while their town is being destroyed by...well, vampires. Originally with my friend's and my Star Wars ocs from the MMO swtor we were obsessed with and made a billion AUs for, but very quickly it became its own thing in my head with new OCs.
But at that point in my life i was not writing fiction. I was always too self conscious of my writing because someone flamed my cringeybwriting on Neopets when I was, like...8 or something. So I literally went a full ass decade without writing fiction (with the exception of a couple attempts i immediately abandoned because I hated them) until I decided to try again with South Park fanfiction because i don't even know. Which includes The Thief, which I was shocked people liked. It was a TERRIBLE point in my life, I should say, so having people enjoy what I wrote and saying nice things about it was quite literally one of the only good things I had.
But anyway I still had that vampire idea in the back of my head, but just as random scenes that played in my head of the two main charades + the person who ended up being Estella. (Though originally her and Scott's role was combined.) The plot wasn't really defined or anything, but the basic ending was in my head from the very very beginning.
Anyway...2020. i was supposed to see MCR. Then COVID postponed it. I was very sad about this. So I extra emo-ly listened to a shit ton of MCR. And listening to MCR, suddenly I was thinking about that vampire story and their music pretty much helped me put the plot into place. The terminal illness plotline. The vampire of the pairing being obsessed to save his love and the cruelty from the other vampires regarding that. And ofc the song Kill All Your Friends itself gave me the set up of an IT-like time skip where someone died and they all go back.
They were all still 100% OCs in my head at this point. I didn't really have much confidence anyone would like these idea but, I was actively writing South Park fanfiction people liked well enough. I'd only ever written fanfiction. So I was like "huh I guess I can make this idea Creek".
So I did. And then wrote three chapters and didn't update for a full year.
But then in 2021 it became my ADHD obsession. I stopped caring about The Thief Trilogy. All I could think of was KAYF and wrote the rest of it in three or so months... Over 100k words. Pretty sure the update schedule was longer than that, but I spaced out chapters by a week long after I was finished.
And people seemed to like it. It was too dark to be as popular as the Thief Trilogy, but I knew that. It was a much more personal story, though, especially with how emotional it was, so it meant SO MUCH to me that anyone liked it. Also because The Thief Trilogy feels basically just like a bloated fanfiction adaptation of the SOT game to me, while KAYF feels like mine, so the kind words for it meant even more in a way.
Until someone I thought was a friend trashed it relentlessly. Like, I'm fine with constructive criticism but they were just horrible. Spoiled the plot for people who wanted to read it directly after i asked them not to, went on condescending rants about how there was too much filler, how Tweek in it was an awful character who deserved to die, claimed characters were all too unsympathetic, joked about parts I meant in earnest, etc. And they got really mad at me that my feelings were hurt by this. It was a whole thing.
Anyway, I'm still to this day years later obsessed with this story year. I think about it every day, which is probably more unhealthy ADHD shit. And I always think about how to make it better. I hate how I wrote it so fast and didn't think about certain details or pacing or what have you. Like, once I finished writing it, I was sad because I wanted to keep writing it. I still do.
I hate that I disappoint people by not having it out there. I want it out there, just not the version I rushed in three months.
So, for now, the fic is hidden. Indefinitely.
Anyway if you read all this tl;dr rambling congratulations I guess.
