#kelpie writes

[cuddlemonsterdean]

are we thinking Dean went all out when he gave Cas the mixtape? like, wanting to set the mood right because this was him trying to show Cas how much he meant to him after the "I love all of you"? like shelling out the cash for some fancy whiskey and cooking up burgers in his kitchen, lighting a candle in his room and pulling up a Swayze movie on his laptop to watch with Cas on his bed while they ate? all the while being super nervous and over-thinking everything - because what if he was being stupid about this? what if he fucked up? what if he was just not good enough?

do you think his hands twitched nervously in his lap while the movie came to an end? that Cas was like, "I should let you get some rest" and Dean had to clear his throat twice before he could get the words out through his strangled throat, asking Cas to just stay a moment longer? Because "I, uh, hang on, I got -"

he got something for Cas to have and keep. that he was so scared and so hopeful he could feel his heart beat in his fingertips when he pulled the tape out of his nightstand. do you think he had to avert his eyes as he held it out to Cas, "I got uh, it's for you -" , only dared look up when Cas accepted, when their fingers brushed for just a moment? that his heart was jack-hammering away in his chest, that he didn't know what to do with his hands now they were empty. that Cas said "oh this is music? thank you, Dean" and then "I'll listen to it in my truck when I leave in the morning"

do you think they said goodnight then and that it took three tries for Dean to extinguish the candle? do you think he lied down curled up on his side on the bed then, calling himself stupid after all because what had he expected? Cas couldn't feel that way. Cas was leaving.

and do you think when he finally fell asleep he still left space for Cas in his bed? that his hand reached across it, fingers clenched into the covers restlessly when they couldn't find what they'd, finally, briefly, touched before? that Dean had tried to give Cas his heart with the tape and yet there it sat, heavy and sore, in Dean's throat in the morning still? do you think that?

[cuddlemonsterdean]

hand in hand (forever) || a collection of my destiel one-shots and ficlets

this first one was inspired by and written for @curioussubjects​ <3

An hour in, and Dean was just clicking on random stuff on his laptop, impatiently jiggling his leg under the table. Sam and Cas had been holed up in the library all day, after Sam had asked Cas's help with—something. It was boring and Dean had tuned it out. But it had been hours at this point! They hadn't seen Cas in weeks, and now Cas was immersed in research and wasn't paying any attention at all to Dean. That was super not okay, especially with how worried Dean had been about him. He’d barely slept! Because Cas wouldn’t answer his stupid phone!

Dean had offered to help with research, if only to speed things along. But when even that got him only three seconds of attention from Cas—the time it took Cas to look up and say "I suppose you could read over this lore again, see if we missed something "—Dean had pretended to look up stuff for a while and then decided to sulk instead. 

Finally though, Sam announced that he needed some air and wanted to go on a run before dinner. The moment he was gone, Dean slammed the laptop lid shut and stood up. "Alright, enough research for today. C'mon, I need your help with something way more important." 

Sam and the stupid old books could suck it, it was Dean's turn to monopolize Cas's time now! Fair was fair!

Cas seemed hesitant at first, looking up from the dusty (germy!) old parchment he'd been studying with a frown, but he did get up and follow Dean to the garage. There, Dean showed him the two La-Z-Boy recliners and the foosball table where they were still sitting securely in the trailer he'd used to get them to the bunker. 

Cas frowned at them with his I-am-confused-and-impatient frown that Dean maybe found kind of adorable. When it wasn't directed at him, that is. 

"You…need help carrying furniture? Which room are these for?"

Read the rest on AO3

[cuddlemonsterdean]

like the storm-tossed sea || a dean-centric destiel fic written for dean’s birthday. beta read by @highschccldropout​. tags: established dean/castiel, established sam/eileen, canon divergent after s15e18, healing from trauma, angst with a happy ending. please check AO3 link for additional tags and warnings!

It’s okay during the day—well no, it’s not okay. Sam will clap Dean on the back or shoulder, Jack will brush against his arm when they’re standing side by side at the stove. And what used to feel so normal—good even—will feel like too much to handle.

Eileen and Sam will hold hands or give each other cheek kisses, and Dean will have to bear feeling so happy for his brother and yet so jealous at the same time. That’s just it, during the day, Dean’s distracted and has reason to keep a tight lid on his crap. But at night—

He keeps himself awake until he absolutely can’t keep his eyes open anymore. Then he lies alone in his bed in the dark, and the monster comes—like a hermit crab, it tries to claw its way out of its shell, out of him. It knows nothing but want, and fear of what it wants.

Unable to stand it, Dean’s fingers will curl into the sheets and his heart will race and his throat will feel like there’s a scream lodged in it. Not even his old trick with the hot water bottle can lull his body into believing it's not alone. It’s not working anymore, not since his body got a taste of the real deal. Not since he’s been hugged and kissed and his hand has been held.

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[cuddlemonsterdean]

destination || a destiel fic written for @186282397milespersec​ ❤️

tags: established relationship, post-canon fix-it, nesting!dean, fluff, disabled!dean, background!saileen, cuddling & snuggling,  texture sensitive!dean, tactile!dean, no smut.  beta read by @highschccldropout​ and sensitivity read by @castielsdisciple​

part 5 of the when we’re together series, but can be read as a stand-alone

 When they've all had their fill and the dishes are washed, Dean wants to watch the third Lord Of The Rings movie with everyone—the extended edition, of course.

 Sam rolls his eyes and puts the casserole dish he's just finished drying back under the kitchen island. "You just wanna see the ghost army."

 Dean frowns at him. "Fuck yes I wanna see the ghost army! They're badass!" Surely none of them can argue with that, right?

 "I actually want to finish my book," Jack says.

 "Sam and I want to go for a walk, stretch our legs," Eileen says.

 "The ghost army isn't going anywhere," Sam says.

 Dean pouts. And then he rolls his eyes and shoos them out of his kitchen, "Alright, alright, got it! Raincheck on movie night."

None of them are swayed by his grumpiness either. Eileen even ruffles his hair on the way out, completely unimpressed with his scowling and grumbling. Even though he's older than her, Dean's started to wonder if this is what it's like having a big sister—it's unexpected but kind of nice. Doesn't mean he won't sulk about being denied his ghost army though.

 "I can watch it with you," Cas says when they've all filed out, rubbing Dean's back soothingly.

 Dean thinks about it but then shakes his head. "We've done what I wanted to do already.  What you wanna do?"

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[cuddlemonsterdean]

silent world || a destiel + saileen fic written for @theirlovewasreal  challenge for the prompt: “discovery”. tags: post canon fix-it, slice of life, hurt/comfort, disabled!dean, selectively mute!dean. beta read by @highschccldropout, sensitivity read by @castielsdisciple

this is a sequel to when we’re together

Their trip to the zoo is coming to an end, but Castiel thinks it was quite successful. It was a joy especially to watch Jack be so carefree and so excited about everything. They’ve taken a lot of photos today, and Castiel is looking forward to selecting some for the family album they’ve started. He knows it means a lot to Dean as well, to have physical proof of the happiness they have found at last.

Which is why, when he spots the little gift shop near the zoo’s exit, he thinks that some souvenirs would be nice.

He’s selected a pin of a platypus for Jack and one of a capybara for himself, when he spots Dean two aisles over. He’d said he wanted to wait outside, but now he’s staring intently at a shelf with various plushies, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Do you want one?”

Dean startles, apparently having been so deep in thought he didn’t even notice Castiel approach. 

“What? No. Those are for kids, Cas.” Dean’s frowning suddenly, upset for reasons Castiel can’t quite grasp. Without another word, Dean wheels himself away and towards the exit. 

Confused, Castiel picks up the plushie that Dean seems to have been looking at. It’s a koala wearing a hanky. The expression on its face is kind of funny but friendly and its fake fur is very soft. 

He can see why Dean would like it—except apparently, he didn’t?

He’s about to put it back when Sam, who must have watched it all happen, suddenly appears at his elbow. “Cas,” he stage-whispers, “Buy it for him. Trust me, you’ll be his hero.”

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[cuddlemonsterdean]

when we’re together || a destiel + saileen fic written for @theirlovewasreal challenge for the prompt: “carry on”. tags: post canon fix-it, slice of life, fluff, found family, disabled!dean. beta read by @highschccldropout, sensitivity read by @castielsdisciple

“Are you getting tired?”

Startled from his reverie, Dean looks up at Cas where he’s suddenly appeared at his side, then motions at the enclosure in front of him. “Just wanted to watch a little longer.” 

Turning to look at the trees where the koalas are hanging out, Cas reaches out a hand to rub Dean’s back where he’s sitting in his wheelchair. “You like them?”

Dean watches a koala munch on leaves while her baby is clinging to her back, all cozy and safe nestled in their mom’s fur.

He shrugs, “Always kinda did. They look cuddly, like tiny little bears.”

Cas hums. “They’re marsupials, actually. And while they look soft, their fur is very coarse, like sheep wool. They used to be the size of a full-grown bull, and—”

Making a face, Dean complains, “Stop bursting my bubble, man.”

Cas chuckles. “Apologies. You’re right, they’re very cuddly and cute.”

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[cuddlemonsterdean]

right here || a saileen + destiel fic written for @theirlovewasreal  challenge for the prompt: “the sea”. tags: post canon fix-it, slice of life, fluff, disabled!dean, eileen pov. beta read and sensitivity read by @castielsdisciple and @thedirtytrenchcoat

written for @186282397milespersec

“Last one in the water buys dinner!” Eileen yells, and then she starts running.

She’s pretty sure that Sam is right behind her, but it’s actually Jack that almost overtakes her. They make it into the water at the same time and immediately start splashing each other.

The sea is—indescribable. After getting quite warm walking along the beach and over the hot sand, it’s just the right side of cool and refreshing. It’s also very calm today, which is good because she knows Dean wants to go for a swim as well and he couldn’t if the current were too strong. The sun is glittering on the water and she’s grateful they made sure to put on sunscreen back at the motel—which she and Sam did manage, despite getting distracted with each other halfway through.

The three of them play with the beach ball until Jack announces he wants to try out his snorkeling gear.

“Swim with me?” she asks Sam, and the both of them set off at a leisurely pace to get a little further from the shore. 

Breathing in deep, she can smell the salt from the sea and a little bit of the perfume from the sunscreen. Further away at the horizon are some fluffy white clouds and she looks up just in time to see a flock of green parrots fly above them.

She’s about to point them out to Sam when she notices the far-away look on his face.

Stopping and treading water to stay in place, Eileen gently nudges his shoulder.

“Sam? You okay?”

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[cuddlemonsterdean]

Come Hear Midnight Chimes || a destiel fic taking place in the About Five Times The Distance ‘verse. beta read by @highschccldropout. tags: established dean/castiel, established sam/eileen, fluff, mild angst, disabled!dean, slice of life

“How did the hunt go?”

“Good. Jack is—” Castiel can’t help his smile, warmth suffusing his chest. “He definitely has the mind of a hunter. And the heart of a hunter.”

Joy and pride light up Sam’s eyes. “Yeah, I think you’re right about that.” Castiel isn’t sure if Sam realizes it, but he is being every bit the protective, supportive big brother to Jack that Dean has always been to him.

“What about here, how is everyone?” Since the hunt hadn’t been particularly difficult, they hadn’t needed to call in for help. Castiel had tried calling Dean when he had the time and the privacy for it, but Dean had had a bad speech day at least two days in a row. It makes talking exhausting for him, aside from the fact that it can get difficult to understand him. Seeing as they can’t really text either—Dean loathes the voice from the screen reader and with his disfluency, the voice-to-text function is useless to him—Castiel has barely heard from Dean.

With how much time he has spent away from the bunker over the last couple of years, always feeling like he had to prioritize whatever mission he was currently on, Castiel is perhaps more used to spending time apart. Still, he prefers it when they can check in with each other.

“Everyone’s fine, it’s been pretty quiet,” Sam says with a shrug and a smile, a carefully neutral expression on his face.

Castiel raises an eyebrow on him and Sam rolls his eyes and caves. “Okay, maaaybe someone was a tiny little bit mopey. And hasn’t been sleeping well. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

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