𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - 𝐤𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 캐빈문
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧
𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: fluff | little angst | established relationship
𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: kevin moon x afab!reader
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: mental breakdown | mentioned of stress
≡;- ꒰ °you had a hard time with being insecure of yourself and kevin was there for you꒱
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ a/n: i went to take a break after I wrote this. I want my own kevin ㅠㅠ
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There wasn’t a time where you think you were ‘enough’ for him comparing to his fans that treated him better than you did. Especially when you’re his girlfriend. There was a sense of insecurity blew your mind when it comes to this. You couldn’t blame Kevin for it or course. This made you blame yourself for couldn’t be the best for him.
You wondered if he ever felt that way. Although he did talked about how both of you should be transparent with each other. But humans can say words with empty promises anytime they desire. It’s just up to you to believe it or not. It doesn’t make it any better, the way your own mindset is thinking is making you look like you don’t trust Kevin. You don’t want it to be that way. But you were scared to death each time your life depends on Kevin too much. Once he leaves you, with or without reason, you didn’t want to feel the unbearable pain. If it was going to hurt at least make it less.
Leave is a powerful word. It’s something he could hold onto and use it anytime if you did not live up to his expectations. That’s what you had in your mind. It’s more awful to think how much you have tried your hardest to be a better partner for him. For Kevin.
He’s talented. Kevin is the most talented person you had ever met. He had always been since high school. Kevin was everyone’s dream boy as far as you could remember. A boy who knew how to sing, dance, cook and more things you could list in your mind. It was no surprised that a lot of people liked him. But compared to everyone else, you couldn’t understand the way he sees the world.
It was definitely clear in your memories. You remembered when it was the first performance for Kingdom. He came back home with a worn out figure. Very different than when he went out the door in the morning. There were bruises on his body’s, your guessing is that he has quite a fall during practice. But then again out of all of that sweat and minor injuries, he looked like the happiest boy you could possibly imagine. When the group gained more fans from the show, you couldn’t forget how excited he had gotten.
There was a night, where both of you were sitting down in the living room. The only thing that could be heard was songs from his phone with a mix of yours and his playlist. It was 2 in the morning and a layer of glass was formed in his eyes. The tears threatening to fall out. He was stressed. Kevin talked about something that has to do with not getting the choreography right, the song was hard and the album was a total mess. He was completely a different person at this moment. He wasn’t smiling like he always do, wasn’t laughing nor cracking up his stupidly funny jokes. It was just Kevin who let out and spill all of his struggles. Which soon leads to him breaking down with you comforting him.
You can’t deny, the world is a scary place.
He felt too much pressure in his head. It seems like it could burst if he didn’t let it out.
That was the last time you had seen him breakdown.
‘I don’t think I could even cry, because then I couldn’t be the one that he could lean on’ the sound of pen scratches against your notebook paper, leaving nothing but ink. Your knuckles turned white from gripping the pen too hard, feeling your hand going numb.
Your heart questioned you. What do you know about Kevin and yourself?
You stared blankly at the white wall. Nothing came up to your mind except the not so nice ones. A tear slipped down from your eye, following by a few more so it was non stop.
Kevin loves midnight driving in the middle of the highway with nowhere to go. He prefers speaking English with you and Jacob because to him it doesn’t sound as awkward as speaking Korean. He doesn’t like to be called by his Korean name, he doesn’t have a reason why but people rarely calls him Hyungseo.
Was that really all you could recall after dating him since high school?
‘I can’t even understand my own emotions. Something is hurting but I can’t tell what it is’ You scribbled, pulling your knees to your chest as you cried. Forgetting about the world around you as everything seem to fade away.
Kevin won’t be back until another few hours. I’ll be fine you thought. You couldn’t even sleep. Tears were streaming down your face that you didn’t even bother to wipe away.
And you didn’t even bother to turn on your phone to see the miss calls from Kevin and notifications from his text messages he had sent you.
Kevin was indeed, a little bit skeptical about your quiet behaviour this morning before he left for practice with the other members. He had actually asked if you were alright but you just replied with a dry ‘yes’ to him. He almost made up his mind about going to work and just stay at home with you to keep an eye out for you. He couldn’t skip today due to an important meeting. But that doesn’t mean he won’t ask about your condition in text. Which also, you replied dry.
‘what would happen if I could not be the one enough for him?’ The notebook was stained with tears.
You were too lost in your own thoughts to hear the sound of the front door creaked, signalling and a reminder that Kevin is home. He saw you sitting in the dark living room on his work desk with your notebook opened. The only thing that could be heard was your slow sobs.
And through the night was playing on your phone.
Kevin’s eyes softened at the sight of your silhouette. Slowly approaching you so he wouldn’t startle you to death. He took a glanced at your notebook before he touches you, watching as your tensed body suddenly eased at his skin contact. The unfamiliar temperature of your body pulled his heartstrings, taking you in a hug.
“i’m home love. I’m here now.” He whispered as you buried your face in his chest, letting out every single of your worries by crying. He could tell you had so many problems in your head that you were afraid to admit. Kevin could read your eyes that was screaming how you were not okay. And his heart broke more to see your ill body that you had neglected. “don’t cry, it’s okay shh. I’m right here with you. I’ll keep your problems away baby. Trust me. I will hug you so tight, until you forget about every single problems that’s stuck in your head.”
It took a few minutes for you to calm down. The tears were still flowing but it had definitely lessened. His hand was rubbing your back repeatedly while he gave you forehead kisses every few minutes. You were avoiding his eye contact. “Look at me sweetheart.” His request was soft, he could see the glassy layer in your eyes when you look up to him. “What were you thinking baby? Was the fever bothering you?” He wasn’t completely wrong about the fever part. You do tend to get in a 5 emotional stages when you don’t feel well.
Your voice was stuck in your throat. You were trying to swallow whatever was in your throat so you could speak. “Deep breaths baby.” He said and you followed his breathing.
“I was- not feeling like the best person today. Maybe not just today, for the past few weeks as well.” You admitted. Kevin let out a hum, signing you that he was listening.
“I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be your… girlfriend.” There was a slight frown formed on Kevin’s expression before he reached his hand to cup your face and wipe the tears with his thumb. “You were everyone’s favourite person since high school and i’m- just. Not up to your expectations.”
Kevin guided you to the sofa and placed you to sit on his lap before he started saying. “You’re the most precious and wonderful person that had entered in my life. No matter what really happened, you’re the first person I will come to at the end of the day.” Kevin told you. “You’re the actual reason why I’m still here and performing in front of people. I don’t think I could even continue if you weren’t here.” He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.
“I don’t want you to feel like you’re not enough for me. You’re everything love. I swear if I could take you to see what you are in my life, I would. Just to proof to you that you worth much more than you thought.”you felt his lips connected with yours. It wasn’t full of lust or anything lewd. It was full of sincere.
When you pulled away to catch a breath, you stared into his eyes. You didn’t know how to say thank you. You weren’t good at expressing yourself. But Kevin could read your thoughts better.
You snuggled up in the croak of his neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne while he starts telling you about his day and something interesting that had happened at work. Some made you laugh and he felt like his mission was complete.
“Did Eric really lost his phone?”
“Changmin found it underneath the couch. But Eric accused Jacob for taking it” Kevin replied with a slight laughter.
Both of you ended up talking more about his days. Until he realised both of you had to go to bed.
“Now that my girlfriend is smiling, you have to take your medicine before bed you old sick ahjumma” Kevin joked. “Then you’re ahjussi. We’re the same age.” You laughed.
He was grateful that he could be the reason you could smile again. Kevin wouldn’t trade you for the whole universe. He wanted to stay like this for the rest of his life.
With just you.
