#kid conversations

[green5quirrel]

I'm Really Good With Kids.

I was at TJ Maxx yesterday after work.

A little blonde girl (2yrs old to 5 yrs old? I'm not good with ages) was in the clearance section with me, her mom, and her younger sibling. She came up to me holding a Popsicle set that was missing 2 Popsicle sticks.

Little blonde girl: Are you a police?

Me: I'm not police. Are you?

LBG: ...no.

LBG: Why aren't you police?

Me: I dunno. Why aren't you?

LBG: (No response as her mom gave a laugh and a stray comment of disbelief at why her little girl was asking if I was a cop.)

LBG: Why is this missing? (Indicates the Popsicle tray bereft of two raspberry shaped plastic sticks.)

Me: (Attempts to explain the mechanics of why things are put in a clearance section when they are seen as flawed without going on a rant of how genuinely upsetting living in a capitalist society is and how much waste it continues to create for useless things like plastic molded raspberry Popsicle sticks and trays while also still here I am shopping in the clearance section in a TJ Maxx so how hypocritical of me...)

LBG: Okay... (It may been a bit above her pay grade. Still not sure of her age.)

LBG: Can I buy this?

What I should have said: Well, technically, as neither one of us are police, you could attempt to steal it. I wouldn't tell anyone.

What I said: I dunno. You probably should ask your mom.

I'm really good with kids.

[lizabethl]

Being a parent in fandom is so weird sometimes.

My toddler has a cold. He shared with me that he has "lots of boogers" this morning.

Me: Me too, bud. Everyone has boogers.

Child: You and Mama?

Me: Yep

Child: Animals have boogers?

Me: Yep

Child, after thinking: Spider-Man has boogers?

Me, my mind immediately spinning into MCU hell where Peter has a hella strong cold that effects even his immune system, and he just wishes that Tony were still there to fuss at him like a proper mentor/father figure, making Dum-E brew him super smoothies and covering him with blankets in the lab, but Tony's not there anymore and goddammit: *voice breaking* yep, Spider-Man has boogers.

[boredcollegestudentforlife]

Kid Conversations

So I work in a after school program, and today a little girl walked up to me and this was our conversation

Girl: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “No.”

Girl: “Oh, so you have a husband?”

Me: “No...”

Girl: “Oh, so you have nothing.”

That would be correct, I have nothing. Kids are so ruthless man, smh

[16magnolias]

Currently camping and I am having an absolute blast listening to the conversations my kids are having with the other kids playing on the playground/jump pad thing:

"Hey pink shirt - do you mind if I call you pink shirt? I can be tie dye shirt and she can be purple shirt."

"Well technically it's a swimsuit and my name is [my kid's name] but okay!"

"Okay great pink shirt thanks. Wanna see the penguin my parents got me today?" *proudly displays carved wooden penguin*

"Whoa that's really cool."

"Yeah thanks! So hey there's no somersaults allowed on here but watch this you can still do this" *does butt bounce*

"And this!" *does knee bounce* "Ouch maybe you shouldn't do that one."

*****

*one kid gestures to another kid out of the blue* "We're not related and she is not my sister."

(I have no idea if they were really related or not.)

*****

"Hey if you had to choose would you be a dog or a cat?"

"Probably...probably a dog."

"Nice. Hey guess what I'm a cat now. I'm like half human, half - half cat. I've got claws. Rawr!"

"Oh yeah well I can do that too. Arooo!"

"No you can't cause you're a dog and dogs don't have claws."

"Dogs do too have claws but I'm not just a dog I'm a werewolf. A werewolf *baby* and I'm coo-coo bananas ao-ao-awooooooooo!" *runs around jumping and bouncing and screaming and howling like the delightfully feral child she is*

*Oh yeah well I'm a coo-coo bananas were-cat so MEOOOOOOOOOW" *other kid also runs around screaming and hissing and clawing at the air*

"Cool so that was fun. Hey wanna hear a joke?"

"Okay yeah!"

*tells several typical kid jokes like 'seven eight nine' and 'knock knock banana who' to the delight of all the other kids*

"Oh yeah those are good ones. Hey why was the cat so happy?"

"I dunno why?"

"It was *feline* fine! Get it?! Because it's a cat which is a feline. Feline is another word for cat. I like cats. You know what else I like? Paul McCartney piano music. And Beethoven."

***

"Hey we've got to go now, thanks for playing! Bye! We'll see you tomorrow."

"Actually you probably won't because we're leaving tomorrow. Bye!" *in the most upbeat cheerful tone ever*

[mood-e]

Kid: "What does poisonous mean?"

*Stops to think*

"Kill."

[skunkeyemcghee]

The girls and I had fun last night. We laughed, watched tv and cuddled on the couch. Yes, all 3 of us. The laughing started in the car. Music always does it. I ran to Momma K’s house after work for left over Easter feast. We talked, the kids hung out with their cousin. We laughed and ate. Too late for games, we left around 8:30.

I’ve missed them. I’ve been so tired and working so much. I haven’t been home before midnight all week. Even when they hung out at the restaurant all damn night on Saturday. I rushed and barked at my coworkers. We still got home at 1203am.

We talked last night. We do a lot of that. They told me that they can barely remember anything but snippets of when STBX still lived with us. Some good memories, but it’s been like this most of their lives. I was always around and he was always gone. Even on the weekends. They told me that they hate that I’m lonely, but this is how it kind of always was. BUT when he was home, after dinner, he’d make me go away too. When I’d come in to the bedroom to watch tv, talk to him about his day and smoke, they felt like he took me away from them. They like it better now because although I work so much, my free time is theirs. When he comes around, on “his weekend” he still takes me away from them and they hate that. The only real difference is that he doesn’t walk through the house after work with his briefcase and that I don’t make out with anyone in the kitchen anymore.

This really shook me.

I hate that and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.

[maxdoesartimus]

Kids

Me: *walking past kid park*

Kids: we can't die we are all Arnold

Me: ???

Kid: *running after other kids screaming* BA BA BA

ME: ????!?

[bellavanpuuren]

Artistic impressions

👩🏽 What are you drawing? 👧🏽 It's you 👩🏽 Oh, me! Lovely 👧🏽 It's you as a ghost 👩🏽 ... Me, as a ghost? 👧🏽 Yes, you as a ghost. 👻