1. That your boyfriend jokes about where he is from to be accepted. He tells you its no big deal but you can see it in his eyes that he dies a little inside.
2. Later, in the car he tells you how hard it was to come here and learn English. He tells you that he feels safer with you there, because people are nicer to him because you are white. (That is not why he dates me. BTW.)
3. You find out how rude and/ or racist your (now former) friends really are. They have said to me:
A. “You just have that yellow fever. You will grow out of that.” Like SERIOUSLY?? I don’t date my boyfriend because of the color of his skin, his job, or anything else. I date him because I love him and he loves me.
B. “Are you sure you want to have a kid with him? Don’t you know your kids would be.....mixed.” (they scrunch up their noise at the last part.) That is so fucked up that when that was said to me I left.
C. “Are you satisfied in the bedroom?”; “Is he small?”; “Does he make you submit?” This made me so furious. I feigned illness and went home and cried. I told him what happened. (This was early in our relationship) he told me that it was okay if I wanted to break up. I told him that though I was angry, it was not at him, and that I loved him and he loved me, and my former friends were never gonna change that. He exhaled and I could see the relief in his eyes and he hugged me tight. Like this had happened to him before, with a different girl, and he expected me to leave.
4. You realize that out of your WHOLE family, only your parents, brother and wife, and your dog will ever accept your relationship. My parents always said, date someone who loves you. They have never cared who the person was as long as they loved us and were not abusive in any way.
5. You realize that people who used to be your friends are racist assholes.
6. You realize that because of how racist and bass ackwards your hometown is you can’t safely take your boyfriend there. The only way that you would both be safe, is if your dad who is a large 6′ 4″ biker dude escorts you everywhere.
7. You realize that if you get married your wedding will be small because all the people you grew up that you thought would be there one day, won’t be. They are just that racist.
8. How nervous your boyfriend was to meet your family afraid that they are racist. Then later that night he tells you how relieved he is because he doesn’t have to be afraid of your family.
9. Then you have to awkwardly explain that only your parents, brother and wife, and doggies will accept him as my boyfriend possible future husband. Then he tells you that even though the acceptance is small, that it is better than none. You realize how hateful most white people in America are.
10. When your dad, who is a teacher, sees a black guy and a white girl together, he fears for their safety outside of school where he can’t protect them. You realize that racism from white people may get your dad killed, because he refuses to be racist.
11. Then your dad finds out that the girl’s dad is in the aryan brotherhood local chapter and advises the couple to move to a safer city. (My dad teaches adult education). Then they tell him they can’t move because they are too poor. The girl is crying in my dad’s office as her boyfriend holds her hand. Dad dies a little inside because there is nothing he can do to help them.
12. Your best friend who is black tells you that he won’t go downtown unless he is in a pack of white people because he is afraid of getting shot. He tells you that he is afraid to take his girl out for a date because of how people will treat them as a couple. Like getting harassed by the police. Having the police stop them and ask her, “Ma’am are you alright? Do you feel safe?” While glaring at my friend because he is black.
13. When your boyfriend and you take your mother out to dinner and the waitress doesn’t talk to him, you realize that the “progressive” city you live in is not progressive at all.
14. When you realize that because you’re white that you are permitted to have flaws that poc and anyone who isn’t white is not permitted to have. For example I made it through math with a c+ to b average. People say “oh he’s Asian he’s good at math...” No people. He is good at math because he has to be. He has to have perfect grades to get into the same schools as I do. Another example I get pulled over I am let off with a warning. My boyfriend or best friend might get killed.
This is how racism effects out country like a plague. It needs to die. Not because of how it affects white people. It needs to die because it is killing innocent people. These are the Truths I have come to see. Maybe one day it will change. It won’t change without people fighting for it.
