Nov 22, 2022
Put it all on the line, let me be blunt; I’m trying to be brave, stop swallowing my words and say what I need to say. I would have given you all of me if you’d have let me.
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Put it all on the line, let me be blunt; I’m trying to be brave, stop swallowing my words and say what I need to say. I would have given you all of me if you’d have let me.
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You never asked to be held so I know I had no excuse to be surprised when you loosened your grip and eventually let go altogether. For what it's worth, I just wanted you to know that I would have carried you to the ends of the earth and back if you’d have let me.
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Some memories will always stay with you and some feelings will never pass. It’s so cruel that we can’t just let go of the things that hurt us the most. We are haunted by our past, forever tied to the things we long to forget. A lifetime of demons.
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It was silly to believe it could have worked. But it sure was nice to pretend.
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Hearing your name still stops me in my tracks. For a moment I forget I don’t know you anymore. You’re different. Have the last few years been kind to you? I’ve changed as well, did you notice? Silly question. I used to be someone now I’m just a stranger. But the thing is, every version of me longs to know every version of you.
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I stopped looking for a way out and have started to make peace with the world. I’ve always felt like a secondary character, even in my own head. I see people moving on with their lives and truthfully I’m lost. I never thought I’d make it past 25 but here I am still trying to come up with a plan. I think I want too much. Everything feels so fragile when it’s in my reach. I’m doing it again. Constantly in my head. The older I get the more I realise I don’t need to be the sun. Just another face in a crowd getting through each day one step at a time.
It took a lot of violence to become this gentle.
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I never stopped waiting for you to show up. Every day is another disappointment.
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How long until we stop pretending this never mattered? The universe gave me the world and then snatched it away. Maybe it was supposed to be a lesson, but what’s the point of learning if you’re not around to see the results? I’ve been on the edge of the cliff far too many times for someone who’s too afraid to jump. So tell me, am I brave for carrying on or a coward for never following through?
If this is a lesson I don’t want it.
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