( continued from / inspired by x )
A ghost, or a memory, or a ghost of a memory -- what was it that haunted him this night? It was double vision in hindsight, that’s what it was: the echoes of a long-buried past, surfacing in light of more recent events.
He couldn’t really be there, the ghost on the windowsill. Yet he was present and real enough to cause discomfort, closer than the ersatz skin worn by the shinigami masquerading as shopkeeper. An assumed identity, so harmless and innocent compared to those he’d worn in the past, such as the one called: Corps Commander of the Detention Unit of the Onmitsukidō. The most troublesome, though, was a prior position that had held no name at all, merely strategic importance to the realm of the Soul Society. One that had required skills of stealth and deadly swiftness. An eradication unit. Subsequently, the Maggot’s Nest had struck him as a bastion of luxury and mercy compared to the crimson, dripping justice meted out by the young blond soldier and his assassins upon the clan known as the Quincies. For if nothing else, deserters and dangerous elements among the shinigami were allowed to live.
It had been war, and he’d answered the call to arms in service to the Soul King; that was all. It was merely a question of loyalties, and the importance of restoring balance. They were under attack; what else to do but fight back? Well, there was always negotiation. It had been tried, and it had failed, and those who decided for the rest had decided to pull the weeds up by the roots in a final and drastic purge. And he had been there, pulling weeds alongside the others.
He’d caught the ghost -- or rather, its owner -- pulling weeds when they had met. It was a nauseating, dismal process to witness. The methods were different, perhaps, but the principle was uncomfortably familiar. Preemptive strike. Retaliation preceding attack. Eliminate the threat. But don’t destroy everything, oh no, not everything, because some things may prove useful. Some things provide raw materials or knowledge to be gained --
Some things ought not to be thought of as things.
He was hit again with a wave of nausea at poisoned words flung back at him. Borrowed from his own mind as they may be, they were self-condemning and vile. Goddammit. It was going to be one of those nights again.
“They say loyalty is a virtue, and justice is blind. But when loyalty is blind, it’s neither virtuous nor just.” He let out a weary sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please go away.”