Deidara: So you may be wondering why I called this meeting …
Hidan: “Called a meeting” my ass, blondie. You got us out here by screaming that the house was on fire!
Deidara: Anyways, I think it’s more than time we address the question that’s on everyone’s minds: which one of you gets to date me?
Itachi: … Pardon?
Deidara: It’s obvious that you’re all in love with me a little, hm. But I can’t just pick one of you, so I thought we should decide it as a group.
Sasori: Brat, I have to say, as far as delusions go, this may be your biggest one yet.
Deidara: I know you’re angry about this, Danna, because we’re partners and you think your claim should be stronger than anyone else’s. But we gotta be fair to the others, hm.
Hidan: Fuck that, you can keep him, puppet-dick. I’m definitely not interested in his dumb ass! I mean if he wants to bang a few times, sure, but —
Itachi: Deidara, why am I here? You don’t even like me!
Kakuzu: I cannot see how “dating” you would do anything other than cost me time and money. Pass.
Kisame: I would eat you alive. And I don’t mean that figuratively.
Konan: No offense, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have, er, the right “parts” to interest you.
Tobi: I’d love to date Senpai … *switches to Obito voice* You and I would make beautiful music together ~
Deidara, blushing: Well, I —
Sasori: Wait a second … Deidara, are your standards so low that you would actually date this masked idiot?
Tobi, still in Obito voice: I could take care of him better than you ever could, you wooden asshole. You, or anyone else in this room.
Itachi, sarcastically: Indeed. Because if Deidara just suddenly decided to stop hating Uchiha’s, he’d pick the least talented one of the group to date.
Konan: … Who’s an Uchiha, now?
Hidan: Holy Jashin, blondie … maybe we should be dating after all. I’d feel fucking guilty leaving you with this pool of losers.
Kakuzu: Oi, if this is going to distract you all from your missions and hinder your bringing in money, then I will date the brat after all. I’m the only one with the self-control necessary to not let personal ties interfere with business.
Kisame: Pardon me, but you’re not the only one with exceptional self control, Kakuzu-san. I believe I’m talented in that area as well.
*everyone in the group begins loudly arguing with each other*
Konan, to Deidara: So was there anyone in particular you had your mind on?
Deidara: No, hm. I was just bored.
Konan:
Konan: Why are you like this?
